Hello I want to share a beautiful story about myself and my triumph over mediocrity. I recently bought a large salt lamp because it was deeply discounted and I’ve been wanting one for my desk (the other one’s on my nightstand, see, and I can’t cart the thing up and down the stairs twice a day because I’m not a Olympic athlete ok). WELL the day it was slated to arrive happened to also be the day I walked into my downstairs bathroom, as I’ve done thousands of times before, and saw the square mirror with the overly decorative gold frame that I picked up at Goodwill for $5 and spray-painted matte black so it could be part of my elaborate Halloween display of 2014 and then, after Halloween, had nowhere to put the damn thing so I just stuck it on a nail in the bathroom and moved on with my life. Except I didn’t really move on, because every time my eyes locked in on that out-of-place and useless mirror — I forgot to mention it was hanging at a height that made it impossible for me to even see myself in it (which was really bothersome because in my early 20s I had a paperback book about the art of feng shui, of course, and it stated very clearly that every mirror in your home should be positioned so you can see your reflection in it and then your energy could be sent back to you and also be bounced around the room, otherwise that energy will just smash straight into the wall where the mirror should’ve been and slide down to the floor where it will rot and ruin your life) — I felt momentarily annoyed and also like I had lost control of things somehow; like I’d given up.
And anyway it was on that very day, the day my salt lamp was making its way over to my home, that I walked into the bathroom and just plucked that silly mirror right off the damn wall and spun around to look directly at my office area and realized HAHAAAAA this mirror belongs on THAT wall! So I put the mirror on that very wall on that very day with the bonus knowledge — which made me quite smug, actually — that this was the most perfect spot for the mirror because there it could reflect the light of my salt lamp which was, if you’ll remember, on its way to me! And therefore send its radiant energy ping-ponging all around the room!
I was of course very right and it really is perfect and I’m so fucking PLEASED WITH MYSELF. Thank you please clap.
Queer as in F*ck You
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