Also.Also.Also: When Being a Woman Online (or At All) Loses Its Flair

Call them. (Or write the letter, or the text.) It doesn’t have to be perfect or smooth — if it’s awkward, let it be awkward — but do it. Right now the world feels like a fiery ouroboros, and while the promise of a new moon is right around the corner, we’re still here now in this. Make this as much as you can, even for just a second. Reach out, out loud. You can do that.

Queer as in F*ck You

+ The Scariest Part About America’s LGBTQ Suicide Epidemic Is What We Don’t Know About It.

+ Why Are There So Many Queer and Trans Kids in the Criminal Justice System? Related: Support Queer/Trans/Gender Nonconforming People in Jail, Prison, Detention.

+ Gaycation Season 2 trailer is here and queer and ready to be watched.

Doll Parts

+ Leslie Jones Embodies The Least Protected Blackness Of All.

+ The (Very) Puritanical Online Censorship of Periods. This piece has been updated since Tuesday but is still important and real as all get out. #BleedOnEverything

+ A History of Sorority Shaming on the Internet, From Recruitment Videos to Selfies. In the past week, I’ve witnessed (Straight, White) Women In Media publicly mock conversations between queer women, conversations between sorority girls, and (old!) conversations between beauty blogger-types (for lack of a better term because it’s midnight as I write this, sorry) and their beauty bloggin’ readers, just to skim the surface, and I’m grossed the fuck out. These are the same (Straight, White) Women In Media who have a hell of a platform, tens of thousands of followers, and frequently lament the online harassment of women in general, the gender pay gap, abortion restrictions, you fucking name it. What the shit are we even doing here? Making fun of each other? I’m not even trying to stand up for white Greek life or colonics as wedding prep — I just can’t believe this is how we’re passing our time, entertaining ourselves. I’m just tired as hell of this internet. I want to burn it down and make a new one where no one barges into other people’s lives just to make fun of them and giddily encourage their friends to do the same.

+ Sarah Paulson Might Join Ocean’s Eight at which point we will all be 30 times gayer and happier, I believe. UPDATE: Confirmed, thank you very much!

+ Gina Rodriguez. Gina Rodriguez. Gina Rodriguez !!!

Saw This, Thought of You

+ Why Isn’t Pornography Part of Sex Education for Teens? You feel like you know the answer to this, but read it anyway!

+ The Secrets of Super Siblings. On that Gina Rodriguez beat!

+ Listen, I do have some feelings about the interior of fast food/casual dining establishments and what it all means re: our own existence over time and throughout space, but mostly I just wanted to share this title: When T.G.I.Friday’s Loses Its Flair.

And Finally

National Parks From Space! This has brought me back to life.

Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park Photo by DigitalGlobe

Wyoming’s Grand Teton National Park
Photo by DigitalGlobe

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Laneia is the Director of Operations and founding member of Autostraddle, and you're the reason she's here.

Laneia has written 916 articles for us.


  1. The Greek conversation has left me frustrated. I see a lot of (WHITEEEEEEEEE) sorority girls and sorority alums speaking out against the shaming which, fine, whatever, but their defenses so totally ignore the very very real issues with the Greek system or like flat out deny them or prettify them. Like, no, there are issues with sororities. Very real issues. Issues that need to be spoken about. Whether it’s the blinding racial situation or the class thing or whatever else. It’s a study in privilege.

  2. Sororities are fucked up as hell. I was in one.

    There are thoughtful, much-needed critiques that can be made of their blatant racism, sizeism, sexism. Some places the racism is outright and obvious even in recruitment. In some places they use the damn paper bag test to determine if a girl is white enough. Sometimes when they do accept token people of color they intentionally keep them from taking roles that are too “visible.” In some sororities there are group weigh-ins, mandatory exercise plans, or just pro-ana rhetoric pushed on new girls. There’s even emotional abuse or cult tactics in some (not all). Many sororities are sexist: just as guilty as fraternities in the way they perpetrate rape culture and choose to maintain their image rather than support survivors.

    But why you would waste pixels making fun of the door stacks and fun little rituals (you know, the part of sororities that is just, large groups of women having fun) when you could address all of the above I don’t know.

    • Agreed. Being in a sorority was the worst part of college for me. The body-shaming, homophobia, racism, classism and enforced rape culture were far worse than I expected at a school with a supposedly relaxed Greek culture. I honestly don’t have sympathy for the people who now run those spaces. Harassing women is never okay, but I’m not about to jump in and fight for the people who create such hateful spaces.

    • But why you would waste pixels making fun of the door stacks and fun little rituals (you know, the part of sororities that is just, large groups of women having fun) when you could address all of the above I don’t know.


  3. Somehow I assumed from the title that the feeling less excited about being a woman was going to be about… feeling less excited about being a woman. And then maybe dealing with those feelings and either finding a way to be a woman in a way that works for you, or being something else.

    I was actually pretty excited about that article.

    • There are dozens of articles about not identifying as a woman on this site, though. If this one article among those many is not about you, I’m so sorry but I hope you find one that is!

      • Actually, I’m not done here.

        Back when I did identify as a woman, I felt so, so threatened by any amount of inclusiveness towards nonbinary people (I realize that trans men also are people who go through the process of realizing they don’t identify as women, but you brought up things that were “about [me]”). I thought they were taking over somehow. I zeroed in on things about nonbinary people or any use of gender-neutral terminology in a space that was supposed to be for women, and it seemed like the worst possible thing. I did not notice all the individual things about women in those spaces, because that was just the normal way things were. Nonbinary-related content stood out, even though it was definitely in the minority, because it didn’t feel like something that was supposed to be there at all.

        I think that sort of thing is more common than a lot of people would like to admit. The upside is, it’s very easily debunked by looking at the actual proportions of content. I don’t have time to comb through every article ever, so here’s what’s going on with Autostraddle’s current front page:

        News Fix: A French Court Gets Rid of Burkini Bans (A mix of things, mostly issues identified as women’s issues. No mentions of nonbinary people, from what I can tell.)

        The Comment Awards is Surrounded by Boxes, Considers Building a Fort (A mix of things. Plenty of mentions of women and no mentions of nonbinary people, from what I can tell.)

        Things I Read That I Love #209: Take Your Ghastly Revolutionary Ideas Out To The Garden (A mix of things. Plenty of mentions of women and no mentions of nonbinary people, from what I can tell.)

        FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: So Like Did You Miss Me Or What (The prompt for the open thread was just a prompt for an open thread. Some mentions of women and no mentions of nonbinary people, from what I can tell.)

        You Need Help: What To Do About the Jerk in Your Friend Group (An advice column. Generally applicable, inclusive advice. Everyone mentioned is women.)

        Also.Also.Also: When Being a Woman Online (or At All) Loses Its Flair (A mix of things, some involving general queer stuff that applies to lots of different types of queer people. Mentions of women, no direct mentions of nonbinary people from what I can tell.)

        “Small Beauty” is a Big Deal for Queer Lit and Trans Girls: An Interview With Author Jia Qing Wilson-Yang (Focuses mostly on a book about a trans woman by a trans woman author.)

        Protests Over Construction of Oil Pipeline Ramp Up, Judge To Decide Its Fate Next Month (An article about an environmental/racial justice issue. Not focused particularly on any gender at all, and all the individual people mentioned in the article seem to be men.)

        Somebirdie To Love: A “Hatoful Boyfriend” Review (A review of a game that’s mostly about girl/boy romance, for some reason?)

        18 More Classic Literature Characters Who Will Bamboozle You With Their Gay Gayness (An article about classic literature characters that read queer. There’s no commentary about specific queer identities being applied to each character. Some characters are listed for being gender-nonconforming, some are listed for having a close relationship with someone of the same gender. I’m not sure if it was intended that people might interpret some of the characters as nonbinary, but they probably could if they wanted.)

        Pop Culture Fix: The Great British Bake Off Returns Tonight And That’s All You Need To Know (A mix of things. Plenty of mentions of women and no mentions of nonbinary people, from what I can tell.)

        Movie Review: “AWOL” Tackles Rural Poverty in a Brillant Lesbian Love Story (An article about a movie about rural lesbians. This is also the only specific mention of a trans man I’ve noticed. He is a fictional character and deadnamed repeatedly.)

        No Filter: Ellen Page Is Consistently Canadian (Celebrity stuff, with a lot of women celebrities and at least one nonbinary celebrity.)

        Fool’s Journey: So You Want to Read Tarot at an Event (Just an article about reading tarot. No specific people are discussed at all, nor is gender. Some examples of questions not to send in refer to a “she”.)

        6 Awesome Books About Women Kicking Ass In STEM (Exactly what it says on the tin. No nonbinary people are mentioned.)

        Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa #3: Is That Your Sister? (A comic about people assuming your partner is your relative. The main character is a woman and her partner appears to be a woman, too.)

        Texas Is The Worst and Files Another Federal Lawsuit Against Transgender Rights (An article about texas being horrible to transgender people. No gender specifics are mentioned.)

        Bella Thorne Is Bisexual: The Disney Star/Actress Comes Out On Twitter (An article about an actress coming out as bi.)

        Orlando Made Me Love You, Dammit! (An article about the Orlando shooting among other things, focusing on LGBTQ people in general rather than any specific sort of LGBTQ people, and prettty inclusive about it, too.)

        Bottoms Up: Did My Feminist Ancestors Burn Their Bras For This? (The author is nonbinary and talks about their D/s relationship with their girlfriend. It’s a pretty generally applicable take on dealing with feminist guilt for preferring to be submissive in some aspects of your relationship, and doesn’t really mention nonbinary gender at all.)

        Out of 20 articles, 0 discuss nonbinary gender, 0 directly mention nonbinary gender, 2 include nonbinary subjects, 1 focuses primarily/equally on nonbinary subjects (the author). All but two mention women or womanhood. 15 articles included people as subjects, and 14 of those articles had women as subjects (the one that didn’t was the one about an environmental/racial justice issue where only men were mentioned). 13 of those articles focused primarily/equally on women as subjects (and the only one that didn’t – the Bottoms Up column – was a bit of an edge case, because while the author primarily talks about their own perspective, their partner, a woman, is discussed quite a bit too.)

        I’m not presenting this data in order to say that there’s anything wrong with the current situation, or that more space should be going to nonbinary people. I especially don’t think that any of the space going to trans women should be going literally anywhere else. I’m presenting this data in order to say that there’s much, much less content here about people like me than about people like you. The balance is so skewed that even not wanting to be a woman anymore is assumed to just mean being sick of the societal side effects of being a woman (which still happen to you no matter how you identify if people read you as a woman or as feminine at all!), because actually wanting out is unthinkable. And then complaining about it is selfish, apparently.

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