Hello living, breathing clusters of intention and hope! I bought myself some snapdragons last night and let me tell you, it was the best idea I’ve had in a while. If you’re in a position to nab yourself some snapdragons today, I suggest you take advantage of that opportunity and just cover yourself in snapdragons. No one could be mean to you if you were covered in snapdragons! Think about it. They couldn’t even see you.
You Should Go or Do or Give
+ Support this People of Color and Mental Illness Photo Project! Only hours remain!
+ Do you have an enthusiasm for menstruation? WELL HOLD ONTO YOUR DRAWERS because here’s your chance to help fund a feminist bleeding zine! Bloody Hell zine is coming at you, you can’t stop it. Order your copy today! #bleedoneverything
+ Danika Ellis from The Lesbrary has a Patreon! Support her!
Queer as in F*ck You
+ Celebrating 40 Years: Richmond Lesbian Feminists Were There For the Best and Worst of Times.
+ Yes, It’s Possible to be Queer and Muslim by Lamya H.
+ Would you like to check out these pictures of New Zealand’s 70s and 80s LGBT scene? Because that is a thing you could do now. Right now.
+ Kiwis First to Officially Recognize Third Gender.
+ Also here is the Bloody Hell Period Playlist on Spotify, which is brilliant and perfect, because you’re worth it. Pretend I’m gently and consensually stroking your hair right now. That’s how worth it you are.
+ Um. “To my great shame, the thought of not being worth men’s notice bothers me, even though I’m a seasoned feminist and I know better.” One Perk of Older Age? Fewer Catcalls by Jessica Valenti. I’ve never been happier to be a lesbian? I mean.
+ How a Black Trans Woman Ended Up in Jail Because of an Iowa Transphobe.
+ Diary of a Mad, Fat Puerto Rican Woman Leaving the Island by Angela Inez Vargas.
Saw This, Thought of You
+ Resilience is Futile: How Well-Meaning Nonprofits Perpetuate Poverty by Melissa Chadburn.
+ Why the Deaths of Latinos at the Hands of Police Haven’t Drawn As Much Attention.
+ This is not a quiz — nay — it is words in paragraph form! What Kind of Drunk Are You?
+ Your Stories of Racism Around the World.
+ The Myth of the Ethical Shopper. Read this.
+ This is the Best Way to Fight Back Against London’s Anti-Homeless Spikes.
+ This Photo of Sasha Obama and Her Friends Being Carefree Black Girls.
:expressionless face emoji:
Today a man tried to kick me out of the women's restroom. A MAN. A MAAAAAAAAAAN. A man. Man.
— Rhea Butcher (@RheaButcher) July 20, 2015
Interested to read that catcalling piece. Having been all different weights, one thing I notice is that whenever I was working really hard to figure out my sexual identity, it was always more comfortable being heavier because guys on the street and in the bar stopped looking at me in a sexual way, while women — when I finally started dating them — didn’t seem to care. Like I spent a couple of years being heavier because it was more comfortable to not have to fend off men, but I didn’t really think that my heavier body could be sexual at all, so I had this thing where I felt like to date ANYONE, I always first had to remove x number of lbs. Turns out it wasn’t true. Now if I can just really internalize that message, that I can date at any weight, and really focus on health…ok now I’m babbling, but yeah, the catcalling thing (and what it feels like to feel desirable or not desirable) is such a scrunched up, complicated area, even when you finally feel like you’re truly free to shrug off the male-imposed bullshit of what is “attractive” because you’re now dating women.
LOL, remind me to journal more about this :-)
Yeah, I’ve always been fat, so catcalling just isn’t a thing I’ve had to deal with really. To the point that the street harassment I’ve received I’ve been able to treat like a joke because it’s so rare. Though very occasionally men will tell me I’m fat, as if I hadn’t noticed. Mostly I’m just invisible. Which is why I loved SPY. That’s a whole other story.
I still think I have to remove x number of lbs to date, though, so high-five for making it past that nonsense, at least in part. I don’t think anyone else has to be smaller! Love at any size! Take up space! Just not me at my size. Internal shit is the worst.
Internal shit is totally the worst. I would say, do this: Try and channel that part of you that is attracted to other people at whatever weight they may be!
The essential part is: you don’t need to actually believe you’re attractive and worth dating, you just need to PRETEND you believe it.
I walk into first dates “in character.” I’m playing the character of someone who thinks she’s amazing and smart and sexy and totally worth getting to know. I don’t have to truly believe those things, I just have to sell that performance.
I swear, it works every single time. And once they respond to me in kind — with genuine interest — I stop having to pretend I feel attractive because I actually do!
Also the potty police are bullshit. Rhea Butcher is swoonworthy and anyone not immediately in awe of all her physical and intellectual charm should just be thrown directly into the sun.
this is truth…
I really enjoyed learning about Richmond lesbians of yesteryear. Even though I have lived in Virginia for years I don’t actually know much about its queer history.
Ah, Laneia, it’s like you can see right into my heart and soul to know exactly all of the things I wanted to read today! Thank you for all the work you do putting these together every week!
I hope Rhea complained to a person in charge or at the very least told the guy to fuck off.
So, I woke up and took a shower, and then my anxiety and depression took over me, amplified by the fact that I literally just started my period today. And then I saw this Bloody Hell Period Playlist, and thank you, Laneia, it is exactly what I needed! So I’m going to lie here and listen to it. Bleed on everything. Keep bleeding love. Self care.
Glad to hear the playlist helped. I hope you’re feeling better soon!
It may be coincidence, but I love that a few of us asked for more insight into the queer + muslim viewpoint and you provided so quickly. It was an interesting read, thank you.
Also at least five other must read links, thank you for those too :)
wow, that article on resilence was both heartbreaking, eyeopening and a little bit hope shattering, that even people trained to help can misunderstand a situation on such a group level to the extent that voices of dissent or alternative opinon are silenced by the dominant rhetoric.
I agree wholeheartedly!
Thank you Larissa and AS for being so responsive ~ whether it’s consciously, or through your amazing ju-ju powers.
I really empathized with the author’s desire not to have to dilute her reality by instant “explanations” of her spirituality and queerness.
Whilst we’re wishing for magical rainbow kittens, I would love to see first person articles on a variety of queer spiritual experiences.
I grew up in a spiritual group/religion where I have never met another person in it who was out. I may not get to ever hear about anyone’s experience from my same background, but it really helps to hear about other queer experiences, and to know that queerness and spirituality are not mutually exclusive.
Those photos of Sasha Obama and her friends really made my day. Forever team #carefreeblackgirls!
Thank you, Laneia(also good news I just spelled your name right the first time)we sell snapdragons at work, but I did not know they were called that, and I’ve already used up my casual questions on strangers this year so I couldn’t ask the girl from the florist who stocks them.
Myth of ethical shopping; great read. Thanks for all of these.
I’m still trying to figure out what snapdragons are. Snapdragons?? Is this a mythical creature? A delicacy? A new fit of underwear??
A Snapdragon is a flower. It’s named because of the way you can pinch it at its sides and it opens like a mouth
Thank you for keeping me company
#bleedoneverything is my hashtag for the week! When I was about 43 I took up triathlon, and was delighted to discover that I could trot (slow jog, really) around the track and men completely ignored me. What blissful freedom, and I’ve been a dedicated dyke all my life! To me this is one of the bigger benefits of getting ólder.
Thank you for the hair strokes. The article about still desiring male attention is interesting, especially because I feel the opposite way. Once I realized I was a verified, 100% legitimate holy-shit-i’m-actually-going-to-do-this gay, I immediately felt so FREE from caring about what men thought of me. Up till then, I had been disgruntled about having to appeal to men, like it was some compulsory thing women must do. Once I realized there was no imperative, biological or sexual or otherwise, to attract the interest of men, it was a wave of immediate relief. I grew out of arm pit hair. Then my leg hair. Then I stopped wearing makeup unless **I** wanted to that day. What a glorious, freeing transformation it has been. The next phase of my evolution is learning to master the death glare. So far I’ve only been able to achieve the *look past you like you are human garbage and aggressively ignore* look. Any advice would be appreciated.
To you, with love!
that. was. PERFECT. Exactly what I’m looking for. I feel like this is what Charlize looks like when she does hard femme.
Ugh Charlize is a goddess. I channel her Queenly Death Walk whenever I am feeling annoyed and damn does it work well.
Megan Taylor, the woman jailed in Iowa, has posted bond and will be going to Illinois to take care of fees she owes there. The funds for the bond and the fees were raised through a crowdsource campaign spearheaded by a Lutheran pastor in San Francisco, Megan Rohrer. I like it when community works.
I am some mix of a Nutty Professor and a Hemingway if anyone would like to know.
I had to take care of a few Mr. Hydes the other weekend and it was NOT A FUN TIME.
I’m a Mary Poppins drunk, in case someone is wondering
I’m definitely a Hemingway, and after that “if Gwyneth Paltrow were your girlfriend” thing linked from The Toast last week I’m a little creeped out that she’s the modern version :)
Missing from the drunk-typology: the Sleeping Beauty, who conks out after half a glass of wine. That’s my type, BTW.
I don’t like that the article uses the word “awful” to describe the types of drunks. I don’t think my Nutty Professor is awful. Once in a while it’s a little embarrassing, but only after my sober introvert kicks back into high gear.
i’m a mix between the lana del ray drunk and the mr hyde drunk, to the detriment of everyone i ever go out with.
Right before my period I am Lana del Rey drunk for sure. Even when not drinking. Can’t open the playlist right now but there’s gotta be some Lana del Rey in there right?!
I am so excited for Bloody Hell! Also for the growing concentration of things named “Bloody Hell.”
That ethical shopping piece was soooooo good! And I’m so stoked to see Lamya’s writing elsewhere on the web! I hope lots of folks read it. What a lovely way to end Eid/begin the new year!
think i might be the Amy Santiago type– mood definitely depends on how many i’ve had.
being invisible to men = heaven