If Lindsay Lohan is the ‘most pathetic person alive’ then I must come in at a close second. After all, I’ve been in and out of rehab twice as many times. And the way the media is talking about Lohan is really pissing me off.

Lady Gaga is on the cover of Vanity Fair, we’ve got the best bits (about sex, xanax, and why she hates LA!). Also; Lohan gets out of jail, more on Skins US’ lesbian character and Brittania fans may see a kiss in the next season of GLEE.

Lindsay Lohan began her sentence today and so we’re putting a moratorium on Lindsay Lohan stories for the time being, cool? Mean Girls quotes = still allowed. Also: Kate Moennig guest starring in Dexter, Kathy Griffin vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck round 2, Courtney Love’s fashion blog, La Roux, Weeds and more.

Basically everyone we ever talk about is in this post. Lindsay Lohan’s new role & good behavior, Santana on the future of Brittana, Gaga does Alejandro on American Idol, Kristen Stewart defends her reputation for not giving a shit, Queen Latifah is writing a girl power scripted show for VH1, James Franco skirts the gay issue, new trailer for Machete starring Lindsay Lohan & Michelle Rodriguez, Ellen apologizes for offending the iPhone, and new PSA for Prop 8 Films.

Lady Gaga and a special lady are on a boat, making out! We have mixed feelings which we share. Another tabloid says even more offensive things about Shiloh’s kickass tomboy wardrobe! Behind the scenes with Lindsay Lohan and Indrani, Grey’s Anatomy ends with a lesbian makeout bang, Law & Order marathon, Ask Ro & Osbornes lead LA Pride.

Does Lindsay Lohan have a new girlfriend? 36-year-old photographer Indrani — a Princeton graduate, photographer and upcoming co-star of Bravo TV show “Exposure” — has reportedly been going on dates with LiLo, being a good influence oh and also discussing art and the meaning of life. This would put Lindsay Lohan on the short-list of bisexual Hollywood starlets who have publicly dated more than one woman.

Puerto Rican singer Lisa M. Marrero came out this week. Lindsay Lohan’s worst week ever (with complete tweet transcript, corrected for spelling & grammar) plows on. Johnny Weir’s gonna do music, Nicki Minaj in XXL, Rihanna’s BFF’s special tattoo, Archie Comics go gay, nerd crushes and LaRoux.

Lindsay Lohan releases a new single, we’re sure it’s about Samantha Ronson and therefore must dissect it line-by-line. Also, an insider reaction to Gaga’s NYMag cover story. It’s March 30 and so much is happening today! Christina Aguilera and Macy Gray unveil the first singles from their respective albums, while Tegan & Sara unveil all 17 versions of “Alligator”. And there’s still more…

Bisexual Lindsay Lohan wants to get back together with Sam, but is now sticking to the “Sam is the only girl I ever liked” storyline. We know it’s just a story, but we explain why it matters that they’re making her tell it. Gaga exemplifies the modern age with her stardom. Natalie Portman is working on a female stoner comedy. Oh, and we shamelessly ask you to vote for us in some contests!

Lindsay Lohan will be home for Thanksgiving … and then she’ll be doing a Terry Richardson PURPLE Mag photoshoot with alleged sex scenes. Also; Candy Slice’s Lady Gaga/Beyonce parody, Fame Monster on VH1, Glee on hiatus, Adam Lambert on Letterman, CBS apologizes for Early Show kissing double standard, and we wonder why Chris Brown is booked for GMA and Adam was kicked off.

Adam Lambert is axed from two more ABC shows, and hello double standard! We’ve got some ’04 Pink Billboard Music Awards footage that’ll blow yr mind. Lady Gaga was nominated for 5 Grammy Awards (and Dave Matthews had an album apparently?), Idina Menzel wants to be Lea’s Mom on Glee (CASTING HEAVEN), Adam Lambert wants his super gay & campy song to be in Twilight: Eclipse, and John Mayer plays lesbian matchmaker for Lilo & SamRon.

It’s been a crazy week — T.J.L.I.F. (Thank Jane Lynch It’s Friday!) What better way to relax than to cozy up to some Autostraddler comments?

Samantha & Lindsay are back on, Lady GaGa is on the cover of Out magazine, Lisa Carver battles Xanax, Meghan McCain battles Michelle Malkin, Fiona Duets, Right Wing Conspires to get Ex-Gay Books into Libraries.

A bunch of my regular shows weren’t on this week — which was actually a good thing, ’cause the drama ensuing from the LiLo/Sam Ronson breakup is more than adequately taking up the time I would normally spend watching Gossip Girl. But there’s always plenty of exciting avenues to travel down/talk about before May sweeps heats up.