Author’s Note (5/9/20): I am constantly disappointed by white women I love, but usually said disappointment doesn’t occur within 24 hours of publishing a congratulatory ranking of their heterosexual recipes in order of lesbianism, granting them a tiny sliver of acceptance amongst our people. As I’m sure you’ve heard, Alison Roman has disappointed me, and all of us, recently, with hateful comments about two Asian women and the way they’ve chosen to run their business, while also capitalizing off of Asian flavor combinations, but making them more palatable for white audiences. I’m upset, but not surprised.
If you’ve gone out and bought the ingredients to make these–keep them! Make the recipes! Don’t waste food, especially now. If you’re looking for somewhere else to be inspired, I get it. I highly suggest trying some recipes from Kristen Kish, former Top Chef winner, and very adorable queer person! Or Patricia Yeo’s Sesame Noodles! Or literally any of Reneice Charles’ recipes from Femme Brûlée! Or see what Kamala’s making in The Dyke Kitchen.
The thing about recipes is that they’re all just inspiration, and Alison Roman is just one person providing inspiration for you to get in the kitchen. Don’t feel bad if you liked her, and her shallot pasta got you excited to cook for the first time, or her weeknight chicken confit was the first time you roasted a chicken correctly. Be grateful that she inspired you, and take that inspiration onto new, more exciting, recipes from people who don’t say racist things! Happy cooking!
If there were any curse to being a lesbian or a bisexual or a queer person or what have you, it’s that we sometimes develop crushes on girls. And sometimes, because, I don’t know if you knew this, but, some girls are straight. I know. It’s a lot. And I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but honestly, heterosexuality? In this economy? Couldn’t be me. I digress. Sometimes, however, the straight girl on whom you have a crush does something that not only makes her even more hot and adorable, but is also useful! Like, Reese Witherspoon – she can act the hell out of a problematic white woman and she makes really gorgeous preppy clothes! Entertainment and sartorial guidance, I love it!
All this build up is because I need to admit something to you. Hi, my name is A___ and I have a crush on Alison Roman, a straight girl. Y’all she’s dreamy! And the dreamiest things about her are that she’s an amazing chef and recipe developer. And in these trying times (do I sound like a Kia commercial?) we can count on food to sustain us, physically, and emotionally. It’s only right that as a pandemic caused an international hunkering-down, all of a sudden, lesbians and queers began hashtagging their food #dykes4roman (its history is fuzzy, but it seems the hashtag was inspired by a tweet about lesbians cooking Roman’s shallot pasta by writer Kayla, to which Community Editor Vanessa replied, #dykes4roman). Her recipes rely on pantry staples, fresh herbs, long lasting produce, and satisfy vegetarians, vegans, and meat eating dykes alike. It was like we’d been hoping for a savior and she’d been there all along, writing for food magazines, slowly growing out her roots, waiting for us to fall in love. And fall in love we did.
I figured, since you’re home and I’m home and you’re probably cooking and you’ve maybe seen #dykes4roman floating around on your social media, you might be wondering, “If I wanted to make an Alison Roman recipe, and have it be the most lesbian one, which one would I make???” Well babe, I’ve done the hard research for you, and out of her extensive oeuvre, I’ve gathered 35 dishes I think you’d enjoy making ranked in order of lesbianism.
If I know the readership, you are all about to go scroll to number one and comment, “I can’t believe that shallot pasta isn’t number one!!!!!!!” and I will risk spoiling that to tell you why. For a while, a lot of what Alison Roman was writing was for publications that were accessible without a paywall. In addition to writing her own cookbooks, lately she’s written more for an unnamed publication that puts its recipes behind a paywall. And to paraphrase Tabitha Brown, that’s their business. But lesbianism is about collectivity and as a collective we say no to paywalls! Therefore, I haven’t included any recipes from the unnamed publication, but have included videos of her preparing those recipes throughout as delightful interludes. Now you can still go to the comments and yell at me if you want, but I said what I said and I stand by it!
And now, without comment: 35 Alison Roman recipes ranked in order of lesbianism.
35. Man Buns
Image by Matt Duckor
This feels very self explanatory.
34. Bachelor Jam
Image by Eva Kolenko
The term bachelor feels incredibly hetero but there’s no laws saying we can’t be bachelors.
33. Silver Dollar Latkes
Photo by Jeremy Liebman
Lesbians know that size matters and honestly why make a small latke when you could make a large latke?
32. Hard Cider Gravy
Photo by Christopher Testani
Why does gravy make me think of fathers even though I love it??? Excited to take that to therapy!
31. Brown Butter Fried Onion Rings
Photo by Ted Cavanaugh
The brown butter intrigued me, which means they’re at least kinda lesbian.
30. Apricot Riesling Jam
Photo by Eva Kolenko
Canning and jam making is basically a gay sport, but Riesling feels like the wine of young straight professionals who do SoulCycle. So I mean, full of lesbian energy, nonetheless.
29. Crispy Apple-Oat Fritters
Photo by Disse Itager
Apple fritters were like my hometown delicacy and my hometown is not lesbian (outside of producing me), but the oats give these a big boost.
28. Flaky Bread
Photo by Danny Kim
Especially in this historical moment, bread making in all its forms is very gay.
27. Salt-Baked Salmon with Citrus and Herbs
Photo by Christopher Testani
Cooking a whole fish in an extra complicated but beautifully presentational way? Yeah that’s gay.
26. Grilled Sweet Onion and Butter Sandwich
Photo by Ted Cavanaugh
On the other hand, an overly simple yet delicious snack/meal is also really gay.
25. Chicken-Leg Confit with Potatoes and Escarole
Photo by Gentl Hyers
French cooking techniques are lesbian.
24. Carrot Tart with Ricotta and Herbs
Photo by Christopher Testani
Lesbians love brunch and a tart screams brunch.
23. Barley, Fennel, and Beet Salad
Photo by Christopher Testani
Vegetarian meals that also feel like they could’ve been foraged? That’s queer.
22. Steamed Artichokes with Garlic Butter
Photo by Michael Graydon and Nikole Herriott
I feel like artichokes are controversial, like a lot of things lesbians are into.
21. Cornbread with Caramelized Apples and Onions
Photo by Gentl Hyers
Every gay dinner party I’ve gone to has pizzazzed up something basic but delicious like cornbread and I respect that.
20. Radishes with Burrata
Photo by Danny Kim
The lesbian who inspired me to make this recipe list loves burrata.
19. Vegetable Stock
Photo by Romulo Yanes
Whomst amongst us doesn’t love a good vegetable stock? It’s the chicken stock of our people.
18. Crushed, Buttered Potatoes with Fried Parsley
Photo by William Meppem
This is so extra and barely a recipe and I love that about it, and therefore, it’s lesbian.
17. Squash with Dates and Thyme
Photo by Ture Lillegraven
Queers love two things: dates and hearty herbs they can grow themselves.
16. Apple Jam
Photos by Matt Duckor
Not quite apple sauce, not quite baked apples. It’s like being nonbinary in apple form!
15. Aperol-Kombucha Cocktail
Photo by Michael Graydon and Nikole Herriott
Kombucha. Need I say more?
14. Collard Green Salad with Cashews and Lime
Photo by Ditte Isager
For my southern dykes.
13. Brined and Roasted Rosemary-Chile Almonds
Photo by Ture Lillegraven
We love to add a fun element to cheese boards.
12. Raspberry Rose Jam
Photo by Eva Kolenko
Speaking of those cheese boards… a little fresh jam never hurt one.
11. Salted and Spiced Melon
Photo by Juco
Being sweet, salty, and spicy all at once is my favorite thing about the gays. Also, the fact that this is the accompanying picture???? Hot.
10. Spinach Honeydew Cooler
Photo by Danny Kim
We love spinach in things that don’t need spinach. I don’t know why, we just do.
9. Yogurt Chia Pudding
Photo by Danny Kim
Some vegetarian femme has absolutely made this for a quick breakfast for a cutie before kicking them out after a one night stand.
8. Herbed Feta Dip
Photo by Danny Kim
Is it weird that this is so high on the list because a lesbian introduced me to feta cheese?
7. Strawberry Vinegar
Photo by Eva Kolenko
Taking something, making it worse, but actually making it better is queer culture.
6. Lemon-Chile Green Bean Pickles
Photo by Eva Kolenko
Trans women love pickles.
5. Spaghetti with Tomatoes and Anchovy Butter
Photo by Christopher Testani
Did you say anchovies? The tinned fish that has been on the quarantine grocery list of 78% of lesbians I know?
4. Black and White Sesame Seed Cookies
Photo by Peden + Munk
These cookies said BISEXUAL RIGHTS!!!!
3. Ombre Rainbow Cookies
Photo by Peden + Munk
Rainbows. Get it? Rainbows?
2. Blackened Leeks with Asparagus and Boiled Eggs
Photo by Ted Cavanaugh
Leeks are thrifty (gay), asparagus is delicious and tall (gay), and soft eggs???? Very sapphic.
1. Linguine and Clams with Almonds and Herbs
Photo by Christina Holmes
Because I don’t know if you know this, but clam pasta, for every meal is the most lesbian thing you could do.
Well gays and girls, as they say, bone apple teeth! Hope you also got a crush on Alison Roman, or at least found a new recipe to try out!
I’ve been so swept up in the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen Cinematic Universe (#IWDFCFTBATK) that I can’t believe I’ve missed out on this incredibly gay opportunity to have more food crushes! Thank you!
“Bon Appetit Test Kitchen Cinematic Universe” is the phrase I never new I needed to describe my current food related obsession
So real!
I’d just like to note I posted my original comment today before I saw the later article and news regarding Alison Roman and would like to rescind my food crush and earlier excitement
lol meg SAME what a fucking pub day for me yesterday was 🙃
I have an instagram friendship that is entirely a friend and I sending each other Claire content with just the word “HOW” (and the subtext is HOW IS SHE STRAIGHT).
Girl is rewatching Buffy during quarantine… just like… HOW
ARTICHOKES ARE CONTROVERSIAL, LIKE A LOT OF THINGS LESBIANS ARE INTO
Best line ever. I want it on a t-shirt. I want it on my wall. I love artichokes. I love being queer. That is all.
this post is so perfect, i’m so glad to exist in the world with you and lesbians and alison roman
My daughter is trying to concentrate on doing her homeschool math lessons and I keep interrupting her with not-quite-stifled giggles.
Also, some of us are delicious without being tall. Just sayin’. :)
Surprised to see this after reading her tearing down two Asian women, one of whom is her executive producer, in an interview while capitalizing on Asian culture herself :(
Hi Caryl,
We published both of our Alison Roman pieces this morning before the other news of the day came to our attention, obviously we’ve had this in motion for weeks and learned something brand new today (as did a lot of other people).
It’s very much after hours for the Autostraddle editorial team, and on a Friday no less, but I wanted to make sure this was addressed that you — or anyone else reading along — knows that we are aware, and are in the process of making adjustments as needed. Thank you for making sure it was on our radar.
This is so well-put – ‘As I’m sure you’ve heard, Alison Roman has disappointed me, and all of us, recently, with hateful comments about two Asian women and the way they’ve chosen to run their business, while also capitalizing off of Asian flavor combinations, but making them more palatable for white audiences.’
I have so many complicated feelings about how much I see asian flavor combinations appropriated by white chefs. BA does this all the time. Don’t even get me started on the ‘chile crisp’ trend. However this is all for another day.
Other asian chefs to follow that have awesome recipes:
Maggie Zhu – https://omnivorescookbook.com/
Namiko Chen –
https://www.justonecookbook.com/about/
WOC chefs who have amazing cookbooks and recipes:
Julia Turshen (and she is queer too)
https://www.juliaturshen.com/
Samin Nosrat
https://www.saltfatacidheat.com/
I’m honestly obsessed with Samin and don’t think she’s gotten the recognition she deserves and I believe a lot of that does have to do with the fact that she does not fit into hetero-white-cis beauty conventions. My partner and I desperately hoped she was gay, it doesn’t seem she is … but her recipes have always turned out beautifully for me.
Also Niki Nakayama’s episode on chef’s table filled my heart, and she’s pals with Alice Wu. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Just wanted to stand with you in solidarity regarding Samin Nosrat. I am also shocked and appalled at the lack of Samin Nosrat content out there. She’s such a delight!
Same. I don’t understand
can you… say more about how you know she ISN’T gay?
Have also been sure that this was the case. Also, thank you for this list. It’s nice to remember we don’t need to signal boost mediocre white chefs like Alison Roman.
She has only mentioned ex-boyfriends when talking about her love life .. in fact a boyfriend was part of her origin story in becoming a chef. She hasn’t said anything to indicate it, but she could still be bi and/or queer, we won’t give up total hope yet..
thank you! together in prayer
Also Here for Samin Nosrat