Spooky season is fully upon us! The gayest season of the year! There’s been a lot of talking of lesbian hauntings these last several days due to Netflix’s The Haunting of Bly Manor, so yesterday I asked our team if they wanted to help me rank lesbian hauntings by lesbianism, and they sure did! You will find our mathematically comprehensive and scientifically sound results below.
25. Veep haunts everyone living during the Trump administration
24. Alice haunts Kate, Batwoman
23. Tammy Lynn Michaels haunts Shane, The L Word
22. Emma’s mom’s internalized homophobia haunts Emma, Vida
21. Mulholland Drive haunts the exes who got back together and watched it with each other
20. Blake Lively’s A Simple Favor outfits haunt our dress-up dreams
19. That Dakota Johnson interview haunts Ellen
18. Mrs. Danvers haunts Manderley, Rebecca
17. The scorpion voiced by Tatiana Maslany haunts Helena in the box, Orphan Black
16. Your feelings about love being a lie haunt you while you watch The Haunting of Bly Manor
15. Tara Thornton haunts your sexy vampire dreams, True Blood
14. Albus Dumbledore’s words — “You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!” — haunt JK Rowling
13. Alison’s face and dolls and parrot haunt Emily, Pretty Little Liars
12. Erica Hahn haunts the parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, Grey’s Anatomy
11. Eve and Villanelle’s stabbing decisions haunt them both, Killing Eve
10. Netflix’s The Perfection haunts anyone who watched it
9. The decision to download Lex during the pandemic haunts everyone who did it
8. All the time they wasted trying to kill each other haunts Root and Shaw, Person of Interest
7. Literal emotional trauma haunts Theo, The Haunting of Hill House
6. The now empty sex bench haunts Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne
5. Rachel’s witch list haunts her every time I tweet it
4. Medusa :)
3. Sue Perkins’ adorable and terrible puns haunt the Great British Bake Off tent, Great British Bake Off
2. The declarations we made about our exes on this very website haunt us
1. Sarah Paulson haunts Sarah Paulson
i haunt you, heather hogan
Does that mean that you…ghost her?
NUMBER
TWO
IS
AN ASSAULT
ugh
A perfect list, exactly what I needed today, thank you Heather
this is so much more amazing than i even thought it might be, rofl
Amen
I really hope 14 is true and JKR is haunted by memories of being a less awful person.
Supercorp haunts every review of Supergirl since season two.
#14!!!!
This is brilliant! Can’t wait to find out which ones will haunt my dreams tonight…
(I’m hoping for a Blake Lively’s Suits/Sue Perkins’ Puns mashup, which, knowing my subconscious, is gonna be hot but disturbing at best)
very spirited list, heather! absolutely faboolous! and holey sheet, number six was totally spooktacular, i cracked up
Medusa :) killed me. But these are all very good and funny, especially the Dakota Johnson one. Thanks, Heather!
P.S., would love to read a McSweeney’s-style monologue from the POV of the now-empty sex bench. “It used to be I creaked with love//now all I do is creak with sadness” etc.
This list haunts me
I loved this more then I can say