I am looking for something new….

please email me

cibc.online.request@cibc.com

my name is C.C.

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I never said “I don’t sleep with men” in reference to the porn performer in question (let’s call her P, for performer). I did say “I am not attracted to men” in an email to her and the producer of the scene that didn’t happen but I was talking about transMEN.

I want to make this as brief as possible. I booked a scene in Canada with P. I wasn’t aware she was trans. When I found out (on formspring), I freaked out, had a panic attack, drank too much vodka (I’m something like four months sober…oh alcohol, we had a good run) and wrote P an email entitled “I am the stupidest girl in the history of the world”.

I explained to P that I was uncomfortable. I didn’t back out of the scene altogether, I wanted to talk about it, but the producer cancelled the scene (not disputing that he had a right to do that) and put me on twitter blast for transphobia.

My position now is that I am not comfortable working with trans women…because while trans women are women, they are also people born into male bodies, and that’s just not something I’m into. I’m not a fan of activism that shames people for their sexual tastes – I think it’s unproductive and stupid. This whole incident is when I stopped considering myself queer or part of the queer community. Porn changes everybody and I’ve very much become a porn star who happens to be gay rather than a gay girl who happens to do porn.

Porn Valley’s Gold Star Lesbian is my branding, my marketing, because it’s something that very much does set me apart in the LA side of porn. I’m with Sela above – this isn’t about lording it over other lesbians. My wife’s bi, most of my lovers are bi, most of the women I hire are bi, and I don’t give a damn who you fuck. The gold star branding…it’s more (to male fans) “you can never have me…but you can watch” than it is “you’re not as good a lover of women as me, other women who are not gold star lesbians” but I’m sorry it makes you feel bad.

Anyway, my porn’s cool. I come at it from a filmmaking perspective – my interest lies in producing features in which the story both serves and is served by the sex scenes. When it works, it works. I don’t consider it political, but I do strive for authenticity. I also like just straight up gonzo fucking, which is the majority of what I put on my website at LilyCade.com

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Also, not all trans women have penises, and not all trans women that do, call them that use them for sex. The woman in this particular situation did not.

I’m not sure how on-topic this situation is to this article and I’m kind of starting to regret that I brought it up. My stance is that trans-phobia is not really part of “ethical” porn.

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I think the self-labeling of gold star is just as, if not more, annoying/insulting than calling someone else one. What is she trying to say/prove by calling herself a gold star – that queer people who have slept with men aren’t lesbian? That every other woman in the porn industry isn’t as lesbian as her because they’ve taken jobs with male co-stars or slept with men in their personal lives?

I also heard from a producer who had cast/hired her to perform, and when she found out that her co-star was a trans woman, she (Lily) refused to do the scene and said some gross stuff about “I don’t sleep with men” (ie, trans woman, from her point of view) – I may be paraphrasing, but this story came directly from the producer and trans porn performer involved in the situation.

THAT. Is not what ethical porn is about. And I’d fight anyone who disagreed with me on that. I think the “gold star” label ties in to all of these issues. Who gets to be a woman? Who gets to be a lesbian? NOT all porn needs to be “political,” but if we are saying something is ethical or feminist, we have to really think about this kind of stuff.

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