The Number One Feeling Award: True Blood (Episode 208: Timebomb)

(by Laneia)

I love everything Jason Stackhouse does/says/thinks. Like, everything. That’s my number one feeling about this episode: Jason Stackhouse! [“There are so many number one feelings for this episode! Mine kept changing throughout. Mostly it was Godric! Sometimes Jason, sometimes Hoyt + Jessica 4EVA.” – Carlytron]

“Let her go, fuckwad!”

+++

“I reckon I’ve already been to heaven. It was inside your wife.”
Jason Stackhouse Is My Co-Pilot

Have you read Stephenie Meyer’s Breaking Dawn? If not, A) that was a wise decision and B) *Spoiler Alert!* : at the end of Breaking Dawn, there’s an elaborate, suspenseful, totally anti-climactic non-fight scene. That’s kind of how this showdown at the Fellowship of the Sun felt to me. I mean, I invested a lot of time holding my breath and biting my lip and anticipating — What will happennn?!! — only to witness an awkward mediation session? Even though it set up the final scene perfectly, it was a bit of a let-down. Actually, I felt a little letdown by the scene with Jessica and Hoyt at Bill’s house, too. I just knew something tragic was going to happen — something that would make me feel real feelings! But no, it was just Jessica’s hymen growing back. Oh..kay. That’s it? Meh. Unless they’re trying to be funny, in which case I give it a meh/hilarious! Mehlarious!

Howevs! The scene where Lafayette is giving Tara a Tarot reading was very well played, with just the right amount of creepy confusion and Lafayette being fabulous. I especially loved the cut from Eggs, to the Justice card, to Lafayette’s face. It was all kind of perfect. [“Much like the world, this show needs more Lafayette. More pizazz, not less!” – Carlytron]

“I’m gonna go and … clean a grill or something.” -Lafayette

Maryann. What can I possibly say about Maryann that you haven’t already screamed at your own television? [“Sidebar: I hate Maryann. WTF bitch is crazy. Also she is the demon barber of Bon Temps!” – Carlytron] Maryann is so twisted and deranged! When and how will this end?! She can’t be killed, right? She’s been around since the birth of time, according to Daphne. I can’t fathom a way in which her storyline can be resolved. At least not without Sam dying and so help me, Sam shall not die! If it was difficult to watch Maryann slice Daphne’s heart into 1″ chunks for the souffle, it was damn near impossible to watch Tara and Eggs scarf it down like a berry cobbler. I had to look away the second time we watched it. Blerghasldkjfalskdzomg! [“I definitely almost threw up. Also this was the first True Blood that Robin ever saw. Um, sorry?” – Carlytron]

The cat fight between Lorena and Sookie was nothing short of amazing. The genius being that it played out exactly the way you would expect an argument of this sort to — with Lorena’s, “Run away, little girl.” and Sookie’s, “Go find someone else you fucking bitch! You’ve lost this one!” Lovely. Just lovely.

“Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a 52″ plasma television earlier tonight?” -Lorena

Soooo…. who died in the bombing? Will Eric sway Sookie’s heart? Does he even want to? Can a penis ever completely heal after sodomizing a pine tree?

The Gayest Non-Vampire Thing On TV All Week: America’s Best Dance Crew

(by Carlytron)

So America’s Best Dance Crew is back and I am breaking my boycott of the show. I didn’t watch last season at all because I was still mad at the show for Fanny Pak not winning. But, now that the show has Vogue Evolution I am forced to watch again, and I was actually really excited about a lot of the crews — especially the all-girl ones. So, ok, FINE, you win, MTV. Your online video player does not win, though, that is a total fail. So Riese already wrote about Vogue Evolution in yesterday’s daily fix:

AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW featured its first all-gay/transgender (Leiomy Maldonado is an MTF) dance crew, “Vogue Evolution” on Sunday night’s premeire episode. Lil’ Mama revealed her secret awareness of the Voguing Ball Competition underground (history sidenote; rent Paris is Burning asap, kids, holler) and all the judges agreed that America is ready. JC didn’t blink and Shane Sparks said, “Y’all just ripped the stage … it’s about time for this style to be exposed. It’s been underground for so long … thank you.” We’re sure there’ll be backlash about tonkenising and stereotypes … but this style of dance — which yes, does embody some typical gay male stereotypes — is RIDICULOUSLY SIGNIFICANT and it IS about time this “underground style comes into the mainstream” (quote AC Slater) and the “feminine” style/attitude is an intrinsic element of the ballroom scene. Members of the group have choreographed for Mariah Carey and they work as HIV/AIDS educators in the city. Also? Holler to the not-skinny guy Malechi up there, it’s about time we see a little bit of THAT, too!

Yo, duck walks are so hard you guys. Have you ever tried that? It’s like jumping and kicking during a squat. It’s wicked. I think Lil Mama wants to join Vogue Evolution, she was so cute talking to them after their performance. Watch the whole episode here (Vogue Evolution starts around the 46:00 mark):

The Hot Girl(s) Of The Week Award

(by Intern Lola)

Two Hot Girls for One – Get ’em while you still can!

This week, I’m urging you all to start watching ABC’s new show, Defying Gravity. It premiered with pretty weak ratings and keeps slipping each episode, which means it’s probably close to cancellation. Look, I’ll make it easy – you can download Defying Gravity from iTunes for free. OK, so maybe you’re not into the romantic entanglements of astronauts, but why concern yourself with plot when you can watch Christina Cox and Laura Harris flirt with each other? These ladies are both so hot (and Canadian!), but it seems like they might be cursed.

Christina Cox (who we all know from Better Than Chocolate) was set to play a lesbian cop in Nikki and Nora, but tragically, nobody picked up the pilot. She then starred in the woefully ill–fated vampire series Blood Ties (which aired on Lifetime – everyone’s favorite lesbian network). Laura Harris hasn’t fared any better. I first fell in love with her as actress–turned–reaper Daisy Adair on Showtime’s Dead Like Me, which only lasted two seasons. She then returned with a super hot #alternativelifestylehaircut on Women’s Murder Club, which got axed after thirteen episodes of extreme lesbian subtext. Please Nielsen ratings, don’t steal these women from my screen yet again!

[“Ok srsly you guys, I was totally obsessed with the subtext on Women’s Murder Club. For months my number one feeling was waiting for Laura Harris and Angie Harmon to do it already. Good lord, the flirting! So intense! And that little redhead reporter one, her too. Lordy. I even mentioned it in this amazing review of Cashmere Mafia I wrote last year. It was so 2008.” – Carlytron]

The Uncanny Valley Award: Kathy Griffin’s Life on the D-List (Episode 509: Official Book Club Selection)

(by Intern Jess)

The oddest part of this episode came from Kathy’s assistant Tiffany who completely mangled Madame Tassaud’s name while relaying the news that the Divine Miss G. would be getting her own wax figure. Tiff, did you miss the House of Wax vlog? We get to see just how those wax figures are made when the fine folks at Wax put Kathy on a turntable and slowly rotate her around taking measurements of every inch of her body. [“Wax figures creep me out.” – Carlytron]

Kathy is also in super-pimp mode for her book, Official Book Club Selection. She throws out some chapter title ideas including “Oprah & Ryan are Conspiring Against Me” and “Jeremy Piven Raped Some Chick on Ellen.” Alas, check out the final chapter title list.

Kathy filled in for Larry King last night and your eyes do not deceive you: Kathy interviews Levi Johnston (yes, Sarah Palin’s ex baby daddy in-law).

In closing, I’ll leave you with Kathy G’s Monday tweet:

@officialkathyg If u watch the “My Life on the D List” finale tonight on Bravo, I’ll blow you. Oh, and I think I’m pregnant.

Next: Drop Dead Diva, Tinkerbell’s number one feeling: Intervention, and Toddlers and Tiaras.

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