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We Must, We Must, We Must Study Your Bust

Kristen

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Feature image via The Courier Mail

Boobs. Melons. Bazongas. Yabbos. Tittays. You have them. Scientists want to study them.

Teams at the University of Gloucester and the University of Portsmouth conducted a study that started with a bunch of ladies taking off their bras. Dr. Joanna Scurr et al. sought to relate can characteristics to mammary motion. They put 48 volunteers with a range of cup and band sizes on treadmills sans support; voluntits were measured to see how far and fast the boobs bounced as the women ran.

So what did this landmark study discover? Surprise! Bigger boobs bounce more than tinier tatas! The scientists said their discoveries on bare-breasted kinematics could be applied to the design and construction of better built bras. Additional Portsmouth research showed larger bosoms tend to sag and belong to women with higher BMIs. Gee, you'd think you could've come to both of those conclusions by merely looking down.

Exquisite Form Ad via LuLu's Vintage

You may titter, but there is so much more to discover in the Land of Knockers. Brassiere designers, athletes, scientists and boob-endowed ladies are curious!

Wanna know what happens when you run wearing nothing but reflective pasties? Besides getting weird looks, you'll also be a less effective runner. Sports bras compress your breasts so that they contribute less to overall body weight, which decreases impact on the body and reduces the risk of injury.

Still confused if your bra is the breast it can be? Scurr et al. wanted to see what cause your mammaries to move the most. Turns out it's a two-step star jump! So armed with that knowledge, jump around in the dressing room next time you're bra shopping to ensure it's doing its job.

Do you jiggle 'til it hurts? Researchers found your boobies will bounce no matter what you wear. Wear a better fitting bra that reduces motion in all three planes to slow your jugs down and lessen the pain.

Want to know what the best material is for building a better sports bra? Turns out the jury's still out on that one. All we know is that stiffer fabrics tend to be better.

Bottom line: boobs are interesting no matter what. So if you feel like unclasping, walking, jumping or running, there's someone out there who wants to study you. You know, for science.

31 responses to “We Must, We Must, We Must Study Your Bust”

  1. Emily

    My bra size is 32H. I.e., tiny waist, ungodly large boobs. I could’ve walked into their lab and singlehandedly provided every bit of knowledge they just derived from lots of science money.

    P.s. after three years of problems communicating butch gender identity (and twice-weekly chiropractor visits) I’m getting a surgical reduction in t-10 days. wooooo!

    Wow! Thumb up 24
    1. Elizabeth

      Dear god, your poor back! Good luck with the surgery!

      Thumb up 4
    2. Hansen

      32H! Your poor back!

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    3. Sarah

      Lucky girl, I’m in the same boat, but it’s all so expensive!

      Thumb up 1
    4. Aimee

      I’m 30G, I feel your pain. I’m a super femme and I am constantly frustrated by underwear companies not making my size. Big boobed ladies want to wear pretty lacy things too! With my body shape I am so lucky that I am super feminine, I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be if I had a different gender identity.

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      1. The Lingerie Lesbian

        There are a lot of companies that specialize in large cup sizes– if you need any recommendations, email me or leave a comment on my blog and I can give you some pointers! As may be obvious from my name, i’m kinda into lingerie.

        [email protected]
        thelingerielesbian.wordpress.com

        Thumb up 5
      2. Rachael

        There are alot of great companies making your size, but you’re going to have to go to a speciality store and pay around $100.
        I used to work at a store that offered sizes from 38B-42K, and Freya is my fav. Super femme and great support. If you get 2 or 3 (i know this is a lot of money) and treat them well they should last you a few years.

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      3. red she said

        There are some great UK-Brand which are also sold in US. Look out for Curvy Kate, Elomi and Freya. They are not taht expensive and actually quite cute.

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        1. Ari

          28D here. http://brasihate.blogspot.com/ and http://boosaurusbras.blogspot.com/ are two blogs that are really great resources for smaller band sizes. You don’t have to spend $100 to get the bra you need!

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    5. Asato

      Man, I thought my 32DD was bad… I will have to stop complaining. Good luck with the reduction! Two of my friends have done it and both are super glad they did.

      Thumb up 2
    6. smashy

      28GG here… I hear ya! Had been thinking about a reduction for quite a while until I found a bra that actually fit. Yay boobies!

      Thumb up 1
      1. red she said

        Same here: Love my H-boobs since I found the right bra.

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    7. giles

      OMGGGGG 32H twins! I got a reduction 2 years ago and 34B yeyeyeye. As a genderfucker and enjoyer of minimal backpain, I feel you. Goodlucky with the surgery/don’t get sucked into watching The Real L Word while bedbound, unless you have some tylenol 3s handy

      Thumb up 2
  2. Ali

    Boobies! I love boobies! I have boobies! This is super relevant to my interests! Thank you Kristen!!!

    Thumb up 17
  3. Flower

    I liked the part where they talked about boobs.

    Wow! Thumb up 27
  4. Hannah

    Every time I read an article like this, I remember to be grateful for being flat-chested.

    Thumb up 4
    1. Emma

      Every time I read an article like this, I remember to be grateful for my big bouncy boobs.

      Thumb up 3
      1. Digger

        Every time I read an article like this, I remember to be grateful for all women and their wonderful boobs.

        Wow! Thumb up 33
        1. red she said

          Every time I read an article like this, all I can think about are boobs. And then I need a cold shower.

          Thumb up 4
          1. Digger

            See..The thing about cold showers is they only work on killing male arousal. They actually do the opposite for women. I welcome a cold shower..A cold water plunge..And do I need to point out the effect that the cold has on boobs? Might I suggest fun with ice cubes….

            Thumb up 3
  5. Paper0Flowers

    Holy sweet Jesus, the buns. I mean the puns.

    Thumb up 11
  6. Malaika

    Yay!! First article! Gooood job Kristen. I tittered quite a bit reading this, and I learned that yabbos is a word.

    Thumb up 4
    1. Krissy

      Haha. Tittered.

      Thumb up 3
  7. Magenta

    This article made my (kinda bad) day. Yay for boobies!

    Thumb up 1
  8. antiant

    Of course, like anything else, I have a song for every little thing and or scenario, so I imagined Dopplereffekt in the background of the lab, as these women were getting *cough* “busted.” Then my imagination started running wild, into the land of erotica and I started laughing my ass off…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c26YbCRHUIo
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDCd6-aZvlw&feature=related
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ndzto79_p8&feature=related

    I <3 my imagination, never a dull moment!

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  9. alison

    Boobs. Boobs boobs boobs. I can’t make words other than boobs right now.

    Thumb up 3
  10. Chars

    “Still confused if your bra is the breast it can be?”

    Best line ever.

    Thumb up 1
  11. Jade Norman

    Boobs are running through my head right now. This is a rather fantastic thing.

    Thumb up 0

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