Perhaps you are like me, and spent most of yesterday sobbing gently at the beautiful truths expressed in Kristen Stewart’s recently published poem “My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole.” Although she has spent her prolific acting career expressing a variety of emotions ranging from sullen to petulant to reluctantly pouty, the decorated thespian recently surprised her Marie Claire interviewer with a poem she’d written.
“She often writes intense little verses, words or strings of words, rearranging them in a process she herself doesn’t understand but believes is somehow essential to her sanity.” —Marie Claire magazine
As a person with a deep and passionate appreciation for the awkward Twilight actress, I felt personally connected to her beautiful verse, and yearned to pay tribute in some way. Fortunately, Comedy Editor Brittani Nichols and I were able to come together and express our mutual admiration via a dramatic interpretation, which we present to you now with enormous pride:
As Stewart told Marie Claire, “I like being able to hit on something, like, ‘There it is.’ I don’t want to sound so fucking utterly pretentious … but after I write something, I go, ‘Holy fuck, that’s crazy.’” Indeed, KStew. Indeed.