Welcome to Underwear Week, a whole week dedicated to your favorite bum-hugging clothesthings. As we said many moons ago, we feel a lady is at her best when she’s not wearing pants. And while our last adventure around this neck of the woods took us only as far as boyshorts, this time around we’re exploring the vast and many-flavored land of underwear. From edible panties to hoopskirts and history, we’ve got you covered. Just like your underwear.
There are few underwear topics that engender as many polarized feelings as the thong. I know almost equal numbers of thong-lovers and thong-haters who are both ready to evangelize on the topic of why having a thin piece of fabric dividing your butt cheeks is amazing/horrendous. Well, we’re here to represent the “thongs are amazing” side of the argument.
Before we get too far in, let’s make sure you know your thongs.
The G-string: Infamous for being itty bitty, people seem to think it’s the only kind of thong there is. It is no more than a couple of inches of fabric in the front, held together by a couple of strings no thicker than the laces on my shoes. The back string can be unusually short, pulling the side strings down for a V look. This is by far my least favorite type of thong. Because there is so little of it to go around, it has nothing else to hold on but you and it will not let you forget about it unless all you are doing is hanging out sort of naked in your house. Not a beginner’s thong.
Micro thong: Think the hip straps of a g-string with a little more fabric. Instead of strings everywhere, the micro thong still has super narrow sides but provides more coverage – at least in a thong context – in that the back string is about an inch thick. Usually, the micro thong will sit more comfortably on your butt, particularly in comparison to the permanent wedgie that is a g-string.
T-Back: Quite a bit more substance to go around, this thong earned its name because it looks like a wide T from the back. One of my favorite styles, the T-back has wider side straps and a longer, wider back that allows for more comfort and coverage. I like it because the wider straps sit better on the hips, meaning that – as long as they are the right size – they are more likely to sort of hug your hips, instead of digging into you like an itty bitty string would. These are my go-to for super fitted dresses or other sort of outfits where I want no panty lines on my butt or hips.
Tanga: Coverage everywhere, except for your butt. This is the best thing ever. I love tangas because I think the name is awesome and also because I can wear them all day, everyday without having to worry about all that fabric bunching up under my jeans. Some people refer to them as “cheekies” but I think tanga is way more becoming of a term.
I’ve found that thongs in my regular size fit my hips but feel too short in the back, which is the main reason people get the wedgie feeling wearing them. However, going up a size usually means that the front panel is too tall, making the whole thing look baggy. To even things out I recommend starting out with a low-rise pair one size larger than your regular size. Also, go for the wider straps for a smaller chance of wearing something that will dig into your hips. Keep it short, too! Sometimes it takes a second for people to get used to wearing thongs, so wear yours first for a couple of hours only so you can figure out whether you like the fit in a mental space that doesn’t involve cursing the next 10 hours of your day.
Keeping it simple
1. Hanky Panky is the thong queen brand. This brand is well-known for comfort, and their Signature Lace Low Rise Thong ($11.90 – $22.50) stand up to the test. Even though they are a bit above super affordable in terms of price, I think they’re worth it; they are one of the few brands that makes a cute thong that won’t shred in one wash. Their sizing is pretty standard too, so once you find the size that fits you best in their brand, you can go online and buy any new colors or styles confident that they’ll fit.
2. Calvin Klein has a line of Women’s Invisibles Thong ($10 – $37) that stands true to their name. Their material is super thin and it sits flat against your body, making them the best option for tight dresses and skirts.
3. Commando fits similar to the Calvin Klein invisible thongs, but their low rise thong ($15.90 – $20) have the added bonus of coming in a lot of fun patterns that don’t disturb the thickness of the material at all.
4. The Barely There Flawless Fit Seamless Thongs ($7.65 – $16.00) have a wider front, so they are similar to a regular bikini and a really good choice if you are trying out thongs for the first time.
Every little bit counts
When worn with an entire outfit (matching bra + garter belt + stockings) a thong is often the best option to keep the whole thing manageable and not involve too many layers of fabric. So, if you are interested in a more elaborate look, the Lingerie Lesbians recommends:
Mimi Holliday Confetti Bomb Bow Back Thong ($42.88): Mimi Holliday’s thongs are just like girly heaven – I mean how much better can it get than a red and pink spotted bow on your butt? In this bow-lovers opinion, you can’t go wrong here.
Bordelle Webbed Thong ($190): What I love about this thong is that it manages to have bows (sense a theme here?) and still be both badass at the same time. Although it covers a little more of your bum than the average thong, it’s definitely still in the spirit.
Myla Luna Skirted Thong ($85): This is simple, lacy and lovely – one great thing about thongs is that they’re so little that every detail counts. Delicate lace really stands out on such a minuscule piece of clothing.
After looking at Caro’s suggestions, I remembered my favorite brand to window shop: La Perla. If La Perla’s Secrets thong ($138) is as totally out of your price range as it is from mine, then rest assured you can find things slightly kinder to your pocket in Natori’s lacy thongs ($18). You can always just keep it simple, for a more affordable start.
In conclusion, thongs are not the monster some paint them to be – they can be fun, versatile and definitely easy to pack! Don’t knock ‘em til you’ve tried ‘em, you know? After all, Carmen did seem to be pretty comfortable twirling around Shane in that fantastic get-up.