2009 Autostraddle Televisionary Awards: Lesbians’ Choice

The Hot Girl of the Year Award

We asked you to vote and you did! Jennifer Beals won with a whopping 42% of the votes. So congratulations, Bette Porter. You have really amazing arms. Sorry that annoying chick died in your pool!

We would also like to give awards to the three ladies who came the closest to kicking Bette Porter’s adorable ass: Sara Ramirez, Margaret Cho and Portia De Rossi — YOU GO GIRLS.

Not to be outdone, we had to do our own picks from the women you did not elect from our list. So here they are, in no particular order:

Carly’s Pick: Eliza Dushku in Dollhouse

What can I say? Ms. Dushku’s roles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and in Bring It On! really had a large impact on me during my sexual awakening of the late 90s/early aughts. She always plays a badass and that is obvs AWESOME.

Honorable Mention: The ladies of HIMYM

Riese’s Pick: Sofia Vergara from Modern Family

(or as the dudes down at the bowling alley say, “Sofia Viagra” HAHAH GET IT?!)

“I have a lot of questions for everyone who did not vote for Sofia Vergara. Were none of you paying attention back in 2005 when Carmen De La Pica Morales (not Sarah Shahi, as she is not Latina) told the world what so many of us already knew via cute-orange-t-shirt?

But regardless. Perhaps we should have shown you a photograph of Sofia Vergara’s ass:

Look you know how hot Sofia Vergara is? SHE’S SO HOT I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO WATCH THIS SHOW TO KNOW HOW HOT SHE IS. Yeah, I saw the pilot on an airplane a few months back, and it was pretty cute! But FHM and Maxim and all those dudes have taken time out to recognize Sofia and her breasts which are not implants charm & wit, what is wrong with you people?

Is it  because she’s dating Al Bundy on that show? I know. That grosses me out too. I wish she’d go lez with a naughty neighbor or something. Played by Kate Moennig or Rosario Dawson or Zoe Saldana.

Sarah’s Pick: Rutina Wesley on True Blood

Because of her muscles. That’s all I need to say, right? I mean, come on people.

The Best Shows On TV Awards

Drama Mad Men and True Blood because: duh.
Comedy 30 Rock. Nothing can beat it (though Nurse Jackie and Parks and Rec are definitely trying).


RealityRuPaul’s Drag Race edged out all of the other reality crap I watch on the regular by being extra fabulous.

Well that’s it for me, squirrel friends, I’m spent! Do you agree with my choices? Or do you have a few awards of your own? Sound off in the comments!

‘Tron out!

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carlytron

lots of pizazz.

Carly has written 48 articles for us.

76 Comments

    • Not only did I reply to my own post, now I’m going to reply to my own reply. How meta!

      I just now saw Alex’s amazing graphic on the homepage wherein Esmerelda and I are all dressed up to present these awards. Thank you Alex.

      Everyone thank Alex for her graphics! The Hot Ladies graph was all her too!

  1. I am not ashamed to admit right now that the photo you used for the Award for Nicest Show to Look At Award has been my computer background for the last couple weeks. and I never have stuff outside of landscapes haha … also best new show tie totally spot on. I picked Modern Family & Nurse Jackie in my head for that. …k on to page 3

  2. I would give the award to the show I miss the most being Battlestar Galactica. You are totally correct that Dollhouse is getting really good now. I feel like It peaked too late. The last 6 or so episodes have been fantastic. It makes me sad. I love dark and gritty TV. Olivia Williams playing Adele DeWitt would get my award for being the baddest bitch in the whole wild west.

      • I know. When she looses control of the house and then gets it back. “There is no smoking in my office” She is maniacal and cold yet Whedon keeps showing her flaws, the drinking, Ms. Lonelyhearts, you want to hate her then she flares the scheming and then BAM she is playing the two sides against the middle.. AGAIN.

        • The whole thing with Adelle at the end of the last ep totally blew my mind, its been soo good recently! But now everytime I enjoy an episode it just makes me really angry its cancelled. Fools. Also Eliza Dushku is possibly too hot to handle.

          • I also loved when Topher was like “I tried everything! Homotopic and heterotopic stimulation…” and Adelle is like “haven’t we all?” … amazing.

  3. there is too much to comment on, and this post was filled with too much awesome, so i will just say this:
    when it comes to shows/characters i actually watch/know, i totes agree 100% on everything that was written up there. especially re: nurse jackie (and now that mo-mo’s gone :( the tie is broken and the best secondary character is obviously zoey… tied with dr. o’hara), chuck and nate (duh), sue sylvester (duh squared), true blood/lafayette, and party down.

    • JANE I FORGOT TO ADD THE PART ABOUT GOSSIP GIRL BEING AWESOME STILL AND EVERYONE SHOULD LEAVE IT ALONE. dammit.

      I cannot wait for Party Down, Nurse Jackie, and True Blood to come back. Goddamn.

      Also I want you to know that I almost didn’t put Chuck and Nate because IN MY MIND they have already slept together.

      • it’s okay, c. i know that you’re thinking it, and i know that WE KNOW that it’s awesome.
        and chuck & nate have slept together multiple times, because there have been too many morning scenes opening in a hotel room obviously only occupied by them.

  4. does kim z already have a music video for that song? because one time I was walking to dunkin donuts and she was on the side of a building like yelling at someone on the phone about it — I feel like that wasn’t that weirdest thing I saw that day either. I <3 nyc sometimes

  5. Carly, you get the award for best host of a tv award show on the internet.

    Alex gets the award for best graphic obvs.

  6. Well, I really need to get caught up on Dollhouse (I just finished season 1 of Bones, I’m a few years behind in tv land… But Kate Capshaw had a part and I was like Calizona! when she walked onto my screen) and BSG just got ruined for me! cuz I’m only in season 3… I’m also just starting How I Met Your Mother, I’ve caught up on most of Glee via Hulu, I’m still in season 1 of 30 Rock, I stopped watching Weeds after season 2… I suck at tv. I also no longer have HBO/Showtime/any good movie channels because I have no money. But I think I might have to find some way to start watching that Party Down show.

    • Do you have netflix? I think they have party down streaming on there… I’d check right now but that would involve opening another tab haha

      • No netflix because that costs money, but I’m considering it more and more for the streaming content. Just have to decide what else I can give up first to pay for it!

      • It’s ok, Bones was already ruined a little for me elsewhere… it’s what I get for being so behind!

  7. Somewhere on this list Dexter needs to be mentioned… nothing particularly gayish about the show, but it has the chick from Buffy on it, and shes hot.

      • Yeah we mentioned the end of this season in the OMFG Moment award. Sorry if that ruined things for you, Carly! It was a helluva twist, and I’m still upset about it.

        • I went a solid week or so managing to avoid what happened and then once I let my guard down I read it on some OTHER tv website’s year-end wrap up post. O, irony!

          • I was super proud of myself for avoiding any spoilers for the whole 4th season.. But the fact i didnt have internet during those 2 wks prob had a lot to do with that

  8. I enjoyed this. But one thing I don’t get- Is Alice kind of the obvious killer of Jenny Schecter if there’s a whole series planned from her being in Jail?

    • I feel like the plan was that she was going to be framed. Either way it’s completely insane to assume that any of the characters were capable of murder so I’m glad the show wasn’t picked up.

    • the plan is that Alice was going to be framed. Ilene did not decide who the killer was when she wrote it, which is part of why the story fell apart at the seams and made no sense, Ilene broke a basic rule of writing. I know this for a fact, because I worked for Showtime, and they told me, and I also read the pilot script for The Farm. DONE AND DONE.

  9. Riese and I should be friends. Sofia Vergara is definitely the hottest girl on the list. I would also like to honerable mention Cassidy Freeman from Smallville, who is redheaded and BADASS!
    ( http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa275/NJS06/cf.jpg )

    Best new show IS Modern Family!
    Best talk show is CHELSEA F-IN LATELY! Period
    Best reality show is Keeping Up With the Kardashians! IMO (I also watched/liked drag race). Ongina should have won. She’s so cool and pretty!
    Please have sex already award would go to Bill & Eric

    • I can’t believe I left Bill and Eric off that list. I’M GOING TO GO ADD THEM RIGHT NOW BRB.

      Phew. I spend most of my TB-watching time shouting “just do it already!” at the screen whenever they’re both on.

      I agree, Sofia Vergara is smokin’!

      • I would watch it and be like what is it about them. Its more than a dislike, not really a rivalry, its something, something in the past, he betrayed him..he defies him…he….no..no no he wants to smash, he knows he wants to smash and he won’t let him! Poor Eric.

  10. yooo i wasn’t aware that Parks & Rec was ever bad!!! the gay penguins episode? complete brilliance!!!

    • The gay penguins episode (which, incidentally, I rewatched last night, as the entire 2nd season is on Hulu right now!) was the season 2 premiere, and the first amazing episode of the series. The first season was far less awesome.

  11. Can we talk for a hot second about Skins? I watched a few episodes and whereas when South of Nowhere existed they googly-eyes’d each other, these girls are all “bow chika wow wow”.

    • Skins ftw! Can’t wait for season 4…though I hope they can think of some new scenarios. I feel like it’s getting a bit repetitive.

  12. Omg “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit” LMFAO – and not the band, i’m really laughing my a** off.
    .
    .
    . I have so many feelings about this post. I loved it mainly because i agree with you with every single thing you said! i mean Rachel Maddow! Sue Silvester! JB! The please have sex award!
    This post is oozing with awesomness
    .
    .Its so awesome that i can’t even come up with a witty comment for hey did you see that comment award fridays..i guess that’s the only downside to it..but don’t worry, i’ll live.

    • haha it really is oozing with awesomeness… I am just going to leave a bunch of mediocre comments because I have so many thoughts on this post but have nothing witty or clever to say

    • I have actually been saying this since day one! Seriously, for the first two years of recapping you may notice that every time I say the word “Tibette,” I follow it with (Tibette the couple, not the country) and a link to Students for a Free Tibet where they could donate. Surprisingly this was not the most popular outgoing link.

  13. Amazing recap Carly! I agree with 100% of it. I’m getting ideas for people we need to and will interview and photograph for Autostraddle. Margaret Cho!!, Jane Lynch, Rachel Maddow, NPH….

  14. So I’m moderately peeved with you right now. I’m still behind on BSG and had managed not to get spoiled up until this point and you just threw in who the last cylon was willy nilly. Oh well. I love you anyway. Great list.

  15. Wowww this is the greatest tv recap post ever! I’m a little confused about why Riese is being eaten by a shark, it’s kind of scary, and someone spelled “worry” incorrectly. NPH ftw. Also, whenever I read your recaps I’m always partially convinced that I should start watching 30 Rock. If I watched more tv I would probs have more opinions but for now I’ll just have to agree with everything you say.

    • That would be me, thankyouverymuch. I kinda make it my trademark to spell things incorrectly when I do photoshop while being drunk. I can totally get away with it, I’m a foreigner. And as you know: “Oh yeah, it’s always the foreigner, heh!” (-Fez)

  16. This just needs to be said.
    Best couple? Naomi/Emily on Skins (I refuse to write Naomily ’cause that’s kinda ridiculous).

  17. I know LOST isn’t known for being gay-friendly, (let alone woman-friendly) but you have to give it up to them for giving their viewers a damn stroke every WEEK.

  18. Pingback: 2009 Autostraddle Televisionary Awards: Lesbians' Choice Wiky Blog

  19. I don’t understand how Christina Hendricks did not make it into the top five. Srsly, is there even a hotter woman ALIVE!?

  20. “Dearly departed Mo Mo”
    Did I miss something?? Is Mo Mo off the next season of Nurse Jackie??
    You nailed it with both NJ and Modern Family as top new shows! I don’t even have Showtime and I managed to catch all of NJ.

  21. I know I’m late and am just catching up on this now, but this was such an entertaining read, Carly! I laughed out loud @ “She handily beat out Barney Stinson, both Blair and Chuck, ….. your mom, my mom, and Angelica’s two moms for this honor.”

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