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The EliptiGO: For People Not Cool Enough For Segways

Lizz

Posted by

on September 2, 2011

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There I was walking to work, minding my own business when a middled aged guy "biked" by on the funniest thing in the world. Well, he wasn't really on a bike. He was on an ElliptiGO. In case it wasn't initially clear an ElliptiGO is a real working outdoor mobile elliptical bike.

THIS IS REAL

I'm sorry. That doesn't do justice to the hilarity of this thing. Here we go:

GO ELLIPTICAL GO ELLIPTICAL GO ELLIPTICAL GO

Okay, I can see why someone might want an ElliptiGO. I flagged down the guy using it and he said he loved it-- really easy on his knees. I suppose I could easily see my dad using one (probably somewhere really public). Really anyone who likes to elliptical at the gym or needs to cross-train for running would probably enjoy using an ElliptiGO. Plus, there's no arguing with the benefits of a new energy-free form of transportation. From the ElliptiGO website:

At its core, the ElliptiGO is a fitness device that emulates running outdoors without the associated impact. It was designed by runners to be the ideal low-impact substitute for running. We believe it is the ideal cross-training device for healthy runners and the best replacement for running for injured runners. It delivers an exercise experience that is closer to running than anything else available today.

An ElliptiGO will run you $1,799-$2,399 and, truthfully it's not wholly original. I did a little digging and the (much cheaper) StreetStrider offers a highly similar product. Still, these videos are priceless. You really haven't lived until you've heard the power-chord ElliptoGO theme music; just trust me.

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36 responses to “The EliptiGO: For People Not Cool Enough For Segways”

  1. caroline
    caroline (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 4:51 pm ReplyReport user

    omg i feel like i need one.

    Thumb up 2
  2. bra
    bra
    September 2, 2011 at 4:59 pm Reply

    THIS IS TOTALLY RADICAL GUYS! RADICAL! SSHHWEEE!

    I need one too, for my bum.

    Thumb up 0
  3. Grace_B
    Grace_B (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 6:10 pm ReplyReport user

    Let this forever be known as the straightest invention ever produced by mankind.

    Next to the snuggie.

    Thumb up 4
    1. brackishtea
      brackishtea
      September 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm Reply

      Really you only see straight people using it? I feel like it one of the gayest inventions I’ve seen, music made it really gay for me.

      Thumb up 2
      1. Grace_B
        Grace_B (member)
        September 3, 2011 at 5:25 pm ReplyReport user

        subverted by the breeders riding them

        Thumb up 0
  4. Alo
    Alo (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 6:37 pm ReplyReport user

    No way, dude! I can’t ride the StreetStrider! It has the goofy arm things! Once you grip them you find yourself swinging your arms like a maniac and pretending that is a totally natural bodily movement. Just focus on the muted Rachel Ray show above your elliptical contraption and pretend like this is what your body was built for. No thanks, buddy, I’d prefer to keep my arms stiffly at my sides, and run like the cool kids.

    Thumb up 0
  5. Ericka
    Ericka (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 7:22 pm ReplyReport user

    someone rode down my street riding one about a year ago and i FLIPPED OUT. its like the Trikke on steriods. i need one in my chubby life.

    Thumb up 0
  6. cj
    cj
    September 2, 2011 at 7:33 pm Reply

    i think i might fall off like 100 times but i totaly want one its awesome

    Thumb up 2
  7. christine
    christine (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 7:38 pm ReplyReport user

    ahahahahaa. a thought – if someone’s new to this thing and doesn’t know how to ride a bike either, do they get elliptigo training wheels? that might be the only thing that would top this in roflness.

    Thumb up 4
  8. alex
    alex
    September 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm Reply

    they remind me of power rangers…..

    Thumb up 0
  9. Katie
    Katie (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 9:08 pm ReplyReport user

    I wouldn’t buy it simply because there’s no seat. Maybe i’m lazy, but I’d like to be able to sit some too.

    Thumb up 0
  10. Jen
    Jen (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm ReplyReport user

    eliptiGO is to bicycle as snuggie is to blanket.

    Thumb up 6
    1. lesemicolon
      lesemicolon (member)
      September 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm ReplyReport user

      Except snuggies are just bathrobes that people wear backwards. This is… running that requires a helmet?

      Thumb up 0
  11. terracottatoes
    terracottatoes (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 10:29 pm ReplyReport user

    call me crazy but i would buy it. (at a moar moderate pricetag)

    it’s like the best of running & biking put together:
    running sucks b/c your boobs bounce & knees hurt
    biking sucks because your crotch/ass hurts

    with the eliptigo EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING HURTS

    conversely, i hate actual elliptical. i’m so picky. my favorite exercise is googling. yeah, the internet. someday it’ll be a sport, JUST YOU WAIT.

    Thumb up 6
  12. LezGeek
    LezGeek (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 10:32 pm ReplyReport user

    I worry it would get stolen off the bike rack at work, because it’s THAT COOL!

    Thumb up 1
    1. Jen
      Jen (member)
      September 3, 2011 at 9:01 am ReplyReport user

      that was my main fear when i thought about riding a horse to class.

      Thumb up 11
  13. magiclovemuffin
    magiclovemuffin (member)
    September 2, 2011 at 10:54 pm ReplyReport user

    I bet it doesn’t feel as easy as the ones at the gym though.

    Thumb up 0
  14. Sam westing
    Sam westing
    September 2, 2011 at 11:36 pm Reply

    That’s pretty expensive for a bike without a seat, and I never sit down when I bike anyway.

    Thumb up 0
  15. Kestrel
    Kestrel (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 12:48 am ReplyReport user

    where I come from, we usually call low-impact running “walking”

    Thumb up 10
  16. Jhonez
    Jhonez (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 1:05 am ReplyReport user

    Actually, that looks practical. If you’re one of those dykes/queers who work in jobs that require lots of muscle (I did in college), you will prolly hurt your back before all’s said and done. It’s all good after your first couple injuries,between the ages of 18 and 25, and you heal up.

    Ten years down the road, you’re 32, re-potting a really heavy plant and shit goes wrong. You’ve re-injured your back.

    See, it didn’t forget what you did to it all those mornings and nights you were lugging heavy speakers and mixing boards all around, out-lifting the cis-dudes. It didn’t forget.

    And it doesn’t heal up quickly anymore. Harsh fking toke. So I can totally see the benefit of these elliptical bikey things for peeps who want to stay in shape and get quality-of-life-saving and party-ability-lengthening cardio. Lushes’ Pro-Tip (even though it is SO wrong from a Calvinist perspective): you can still smoke a little (or more) if you run, jog, swim, whatever every other day. Doing major cardio regularly allows you to still be able to be healthy and indulge.

    BTW, about the Segway, I thought it was kind of like an amusement park ride: You have to be less than this cool to ride/own/think positively about a Segway. But maybe I got that wrong. Or I’m just a snobby urban bitch. That fact has been established previously. It’s also almost certain that I missed the subtle snark of the title.

    Still, back to the Elliptitwat in the article, I like my cardio a little more butch and a little less tech-millionaire-priced. Can we go swimming in the ocean now? Please?? Or just for a good walk? Walking is the awesome.

    Thumb up 2
  17. e
    e (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 1:47 am ReplyReport user

    i fell off the stationary elliptical at the gym so getting one of these would be like an over-priced death wish for me…

    Thumb up 6
  18. Evidux
    Evidux (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 3:00 am ReplyReport user

    This is a bike that’s had a lobotomy. And yet I feel it still doesn’t beat the Segway in epic wtfness. However, I salute the inventors for their sincere effort.

    Thumb up 0
  19. Laura
    Laura (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 3:32 am ReplyReport user

    I’ve got to admit, I’m an distance runner, but I don’t think I’d ever have the courage to use one of those in public. And I’m one of those runners who wears lycra in public.

    Thumb up 2
  20. SaylaMarz
    SaylaMarz (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 9:38 am ReplyReport user

    Oh god. I kind of want one. What is wrong with me.

    Shit. It’s the music. It’s telling me this shit is fast and practically criminal.

    I bet I’d fall right off in the middle of a fucking heist or some shit.

    Thumb up 3
  21. PeppperPao
    PeppperPao (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 10:56 am ReplyReport user

    So orbitrek it’s not longer statical…That’s so cool

    Thumb up 0
  22. Tia
    Tia (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 11:28 am ReplyReport user

    Anyone would look cooler speed walking in a neon print polyester jogging suit while listening to Barry Manilow techno remixes than being caught on the EliptiGO.

    However, the EliptiGO is so wtf that it circles back around and becomes cool.

    But scheiße, for that price I’d rather ruin the environment (bad lesbian alert!) and get a Vespa. Or about 4 fixed gear bikes.

    Thumb up 1
  23. Monica
    Monica (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 12:04 pm ReplyReport user

    can i get this with a sidecar or at least tandem style? nothings says together like attached athletic equipment.

    Thumb up 3
  24. Sebastian
    Sebastian (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm ReplyReport user

    wow the theme music.

    Thumb up 3
  25. Melody
    Melody (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 6:02 pm ReplyReport user

    This hurts me right in the bicycle mechanic.

    Though on the plus side, if people started bringing in EliptiGOes for repairs, I would have new snark fodder beyond beginner triathletes!

    Thumb up 0
    1. Jen
      Jen
      September 7, 2011 at 7:16 am Reply

      This is why people hate bike shops.

      Thumb up 0
  26. HannahRhoslyn
    HannahRhoslyn (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 8:27 pm ReplyReport user

    WOW. I bet that feels like you are running SO FAST.

    Thumb up 3
  27. lesemicolon
    lesemicolon (member)
    September 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm ReplyReport user

    Anything that gets people to exercise more is cool in my book. I love bicycling but I recognize that it’s hardly ergonomic.

    Thumb up 0
  28. Nico
    Nico (member)
    September 4, 2011 at 2:52 am ReplyReport user

    This reminds me of those bad-ass sneakers with wheels on the bottom from years ago, you could run and then gliiiiiiide and you looked so cool.
    I wanted them so much. I feel like if I could have the ElliptiGO it would make up for my lost years of tween awesomeness.
    Except I’d be too embarrassed to ever leave the house with it.

    Thumb up 0
    1. sydney
      sydney (member)
      September 4, 2011 at 11:23 am ReplyReport user

      Oh you must be talking about Heelys. Back in high school one of my teachers, a grown ass man, mind you, had a pair. He used to ride down the hall and stuff all the time like it was nbd. I’m pretty sure the administration made him get regular shoes.

      Thumb up 1
      1. Nico
        Nico (member)
        September 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm ReplyReport user

        Sounds like the kind of guy I should aspire to be!

        Thumb up 0
  29. silvercake
    silvercake (member)
    September 5, 2011 at 8:43 pm ReplyReport user

    honestly this looks awesome. i like the elliptical, hate standing in a gym staring at a wall.

    Thumb up 0

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