Top Ten Questions for Beyoncé re: “Beyoncé”

We need to talk about Beyoncé.

I know you know that she released her self-titled opus “Beyoncé” in the dead of the night, catching us all off guard with 14 new songs and 17 music videos. Everyone cried and held each other close.

I just have so many queer girl feelings and so many queer girl questions regarding this bountiful gift. B, if you’re reading this, pray tell…

1.

FIXED_yonce_taste
Supermodel Joan Smalls knows. She got a good lick. I’m guessing Yoncé tastes like lollipops, B’Day cake, and Texas soul food – all currently vegan of course (I’m still not over that situation). Oh and success. Yoncé surely tastes of the sweet flavor of ultimate success. This same video for the song “Yoncé” also made me question…

2.

yonce_who_is_this
That’s what I yelled at my screen the first time I saw this video. And then I yelled it at Google and Google said this is fashion model Chanel Iman! Good for her! I’m terrible at knowing who’s who in the fashion world, but rest assured, I will know who this is now and forever. Hey girl hey.

3.

beyonce_superpower_ALH
The video for “Superpower” had me squealing with delight. I mean they all did, but this one definitely spoke to my queer “let’s go dismantle all the oppressions in the streets!” sensibility. And boy howdy did these folks come dressed and shorn ready to throw down. I lost count of all the ALHs in this one. Queen Bey herself was even rocking a bit of “not-allowed-at-work-because-the-man-said-natural-hair-colors-only” green streaks in her coif. Y’all, I think Beyoncé wants us to physically fight against injustices and to look fly while doing it. Speaking of…

4.

beyonce_mine_marriage
Because you know we will. And I quote these lyrics from “Mine“, “All I can think of is, we should get married. We should get married. Let’s stop holding back on this and let’s get carried away.” Somewhere in the world a queer has already written these lyrics on protest signs because she knows all the other queers will immediately get what it’s from and she’ll be the belle of the boycott.

Side question: Why do I find Drake so pretty?

5.

beyonce_suit
Was it Tom Ford? For every action an equal and opposite reaction… so some sort of heinous witchcraft must have conspired to make this tuxedo suit. This suit she rocks in” Haunted” is beyond slick. Oh and obviously it also looks good because Beyoncé is wearing it, but you knew that. She makes me feel like I sincerely need to step my game up! Which is why I wonder…

6.

beyonce_jealous_ear
YES. YES. YES. I might damn well try. I spied this in the video for “Jealous.” I need this in my life. So shiny. So spiky looking. So “fuck your one earring convention.” So “fuck your metal detectors.” So fucked if you happened to get them caught on something.

7.

beyonce_blue_crying
Just kidding. I know why I’m crying. Because Beyoncé. And because Blue! Really though, during this video for “Blue,” featuring the little tiny baby voice of Beyoncé’s daughter, the one and only Blue Ivy Carter, I genuinely found myself tearing up a bit! It’s just so sincere and earnest and lovely. Blue’s little baby voice copying her mother’s and saying “hold on to me,” while Beyoncé croons her name – I’m generally bothered the concept of the ticking biological clock for pregnancy but mine started SCREAMING when that happened, so what can i say?

8.

beyonce_flawless
So yeah this is Beyoncé. In the video for “***Flawless.” In a plaid shirt buttoned all the way to the top. Getting rough with the boys. Rocking out with the girls. Telling bitches to bow down. Sampling audio from novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s phenomenal TEDx speech, “We should all be feminists.” I get chills when the speech comes in and everything gets slowmo. I’d heard the speech before but placing it in the context of this video was stunning. I had to pause and take a break. I had to send Facebook messages about it. I had to get my mom to come look at it. Adichie’s voice haunts over the music, “We teach girls to shrink themselves. You should aim to be successful but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man…why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?…We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.” This might be the queerest moment of the visual album and as I have thus far demonstrated there are queer delight moments aplenty. Political feminist Beyoncé. I am just overwhelmed. Beyoncé…

9.

beyonce_rocket_body mountain
That there is a bonafide Beyoncé body mountain range. In the video for “Rocket,” there are all sorts of cheeky visual innuendo gags going on. Studies show that literally no one has complained.

Side question: Is this a little D’Angelo influenced? Because with all the naked I can definitely see the “How Does it Feel?” video parallels and I can even hear the music mashup in my head. Can someone make that for me? I love a good mashup!

Finally, Beyoncé, I just want to know

10.

beyonce_how_ghost

beyonce_how_pretty_hurts

beyonce_how_drunk_in_love

beyonce_how_blow
That is all. How, Beyoncé? How?

There’s still so much more to talk about!

This instant-Netflix style all at once release. This triumph of filmmaking. This lyrical call to arms. This feminism. This celebration of black woman beauty. This celebration of motherhood. This celebration of independence. This dance-inspiration. This fashion trend-setting. This Beyoncé.

What are your favorite “Beyoncé” moments and what questions do you have for this ***Flawless human being?

Avatar of Lauren

Lauren is proud Alabamian aspiring filmmaker who is learning to stop saying “aspiring” and just say “filmmaker.” A recent graduate with a degrees in film, Tegan and Sara, and t-shirt collecting, she spent all of her college time organizing the queers down at the University of Alabama and turning every class assignment into a chance to talk about southern queer black woman identity. She likes football more now that she’s graduated.

Lauren has written 9 articles for us.

32 Comments

  1. Thumb up 3

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    You’ve pretty much captured all of my feelings in this post. My favorite songs on the album are XO and Super Power, but every video is just stunning. Beyonce really outdid herself with the collection of hot, sexy girlpower monster jams.

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    This album has literally sidetracked my entire existence. I can’t even think about without having the most DRAMATIC. FEELINGS. EVER. I would sign my soul over to her and then I would flip my hair and then I would go buy matching outfits. Ugh.

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    “Turn that cherry out.” That’s all I got. Hearing a lady singer make oral sex metaphors gives me glee beyond words. My question is, can we have 50 more of these? Could you get a movement started: one cunning linguist song for every blow-job related song ALREADY IN EXISTENCE?

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    I still can’t handle this album. I’m thesis writing and I keep taking Beyonce breaks to watch new videos I haven’t seen yet and to dance around a little.

    She has so many looks!!! She sings about so many different feelings!! I don’t know how she sings about loss, insecurity, family, love, and sex in a way that produces so many catchy songs and still feels like a cohesive album.

    so flawless

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    I was never a huge fan of Beyonce. (Not that I disliked her, just was never a particular fan.) Until now. My entire Facebook feed and tumblr dash were all about Beyonce for days, until it got to the point where I HAD to know what all the fuss was about, so I got the album. I think that’s part of her strategy here. Surprise the hell out of her fans so they don’t shut up about it for days and make people who would not ordinarily buy her albums buy this one out of sheer curiosity. It worked on me.

    And now I’m hooked. I can’t choose a favorite song. Flawless is flawless. I love Yonce and keep singing “I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker.” (One of my coworkers is bound to punch me soon, I can feel it, but I can’t stop.) Blue makes me want to cry and hug my kids. XO is so cute. And any woman who sings an entire song about how much she loves cunnilingus is a BEAST.

    Also honorable mention to the part in Drunk In Love when Jay says her breasts are his breakfast I mean COME ON.

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