I have to be willing to reveal the messy, intimate parts of my life to have this authority exchange really work 24/7. Otherwise, it just isn’t sustainable.
Josie Kearns is a 33-year-old queer, polyamorous, white, trans woman living in Chicago. She has been married for 12 years and also has a long-term girlfriend.
Be the daddy you want to see in the world.
“Not leaning into change is a lot like staring at your house while it’s on fire.”
Welcome to Poly Pocket, a new series showcasing polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous relationships. Here’s how a married kinky butch/femme couple does poly.
If they are feeling hurt by people who don’t want to use their pronouns or just by a long day of having to gender in the world, listen to them and ask how you can help ease the stress.
“To date long distance then live with the other in person is to be in two versions of the same relationship. One wishes desperately for the future and is fueled by daydreams of the past; the other tries to make every waking moment something special and ignores the fact that time is passing, whether we like it or not.”
I’ve worked hard to hold onto my independence, and here I was giving it up — to someone more dominant and more masculine. My feminist ancestors didn’t burn their bras for this. Except what if they did?
“…there’s a value in extending the period of time in which the way you build a life together is directed only by what’s in your heart and guts and brain, not by leases and legal documents and bill payments and shared sofas.”
“I cannot wait to have a partner with whom I can explore consensual non-consent in a 24/7 lifestyle. But to be called a slave? In America?”
A 28 year-old closeted lesbian and married mother of three, and a token gay friend who’s feeling quite encroached upon. Calling it like I see it!
Sarah and I talked a lot about power in our relationship — who had it, who felt it, how it flowed between us. It wasn’t always smooth.
“I want to make out with my bestie. I love her dearly, but I don’t think I’m in love with her—I don’t want to be in a whole relationship thing with her or anything.”
We started to turn the top/bottom dynamics in our sex life into 24/7 dominance/submission. It was highly negotiated, mutually consensual, and extremely hot.
“The Dark Closet Private Conversation Area.”
Tease and denial is a classic flirtation. Orgasm control is just one step further.
“My goopy brain instantly convinced me that this event would singularly make or break our relationship and that if it went poorly it would be my fault. But I swallowed my anxiety and said yes. Then I immediately started thinking about my outfit.”
“I was bred as a Southern Baptist, which gave me plenty of reasons not to let a guy touch my boobs. For example, it would break Jesus’ heart. And also I would go to hell.”
“I’ve been thinking recently that queer time for me is a self-declared snow day. A chance to stay in bed and explore ourselves unhindered by the outside world. A chance to exist, to play — free from the hetero pillars of career, marriage, and lineage.”
Maybe the reason your friend/the older self-professed queen at the bar/your co-worker/that girl Claire won’t stop talking about finding someone is because they have 25 times more Keurig flavor options than the whole of their supposed dating pool — we’re scientifically improbable.