VIDEO: Shit Straight Girls Say To Lesbians

Posted byriese

on January 9, 2012

Lemme be honest with you here for a moment -- I've found every single one of these fucking videos hilarious. Even the first one that some people found ambivalently offensive but ESPECIALLY "Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls," that one is by far the best.

Of course it was only a matter of time until one of our own took up the cause -- Vlogger/comedian Arielle Scarcella has constructed "Shit straight girls say to lesbians." 'Cause you know they say some shit.

Obviously it opens with scissoring because I mean, who doesn't.

Here it is!

So, how much does this ring true and what would you add to the video?

178 responses to “VIDEO: Shit Straight Girls Say To Lesbians”

Aunnica O'Brien
January 9, 2012 at 10:02 am Permalink Reply

Omg! The question, “So a strap-on is like the same thing right? Why don’t you just have sex with guys then?” is so annoying. My guy friend just asked me this the other night and he starts off the questions, “Okay I’m not trying to offend you but…” Great video!

1
Rose (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:04 am Permalink Reply Report user

Love the Mean Girls reference!

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1. Kelly (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 10:52 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I held in my laughter until that moment.
  
  0
lolly (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:06 am Permalink Reply Report user

“your really pretty, though i don’t mean that in a gay way”

to which i reply “awh dammnn”, its funny cos they get really uncomfortable.

2
westwood
January 9, 2012 at 10:08 am Permalink Reply

to add:

“Your girlfriend is so pretty. Are you SURE she’s gay?”

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1. Ashley Reed (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Bam. There it is.
  
  0
Lauren (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:08 am Permalink Reply Report user

I hate the top/bottom question. worst ever. the would you fuck me is occasionally funny

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monalisa (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:10 am Permalink Reply Report user

so funny. But all straight girls should stay away from flannel and rainbow bracelets. Once I get enough courage to ask a woman out, you cant get offended.

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1. Rae (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Off topic: Anyone know where can I buy me some awesome rainbow bracelets/jewelry?
  
  0
  1. Kelly (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    If you’re in college your school’s GSA might be literally giving them away.
    
    0
  2. Anna
    January 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm Permalink Reply
    
    Found this site the other day:) The butterfly is my favorite.
    http://ayor-jewelry.com/rainbowpride.php
    
    0
  3. Brianna (member)
    August 20, 2012 at 8:49 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I can make you some.
    
    0
Becca (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:16 am Permalink Reply Report user

Ha!

I’d add to that “So, lesbian sex is just like foreplay right?” Heard that one for the first time in a loooong time recently. Grr.

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1. Rike
  January 10, 2012 at 5:56 am Permalink Reply
  
  Yeah, who doesn’t love a decent fistfuck for foreplay?!
  
  0
  1. Mareika (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    ftw
    
    0
aaaconley (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:30 am Permalink Reply Report user

Ha!

My roommate said this to me when I came out to her last year: “Thanks for telling me! Just so you know, I’m, like, into guys…”

Yes, thank you for that. Because that fact that you’re a woman makes me automatically want to bang you.

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1. MB (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:03 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  If this were done in the right tone, though, I think it could be an awesomely equal reaction to a coming out. “I like girls.” “That’s nice, I like guys.” Everyone should have to state their sexual orientation in such a conversation, not just the gay person. Share the awkward!
  
  1
  1. aaaconley (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I fully support that idea. Almost like being into girls and being into guys and everything in between are all completely and equally okay!
    
    Unfortunately, I don’t think she meant it in the awkward sharing circle kind of way. I think she meant it in the semi-sort-of-I-don’t-want-to-be-weird-but-don’t-hit-on-me kind of way. Sigh.
    
    1
    1. Bhan (member)
      January 10, 2012 at 5:18 am Permalink Reply Report user
      
      Oh that’s so sad! It would be really cool if she’d done it in a “well if you’re coming out I shall too because being gay is no bigger a deal than being straight.”
      
      2
dizzy (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:36 am Permalink Reply Report user

I had an ‘aghgh the youtube is has come to life’ moment when she asked “are you looking at my boobs?” Because indeed, I was.

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1. Emily
  January 9, 2012 at 11:02 am Permalink Reply
  
  hahaha SO WAS I
  
  1
  1. dizzy (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 11:27 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    the straight girl was right about one thing. they did look great in that t-shirt.
    
    2
  2. smartypants (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    me three!
    (jeez we’re so queer-)
    
    1
2. Veronica (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:49 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Yep, me too.
  
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3. Carmen SanDiego (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  yep, me too. She should wear that t-shirt more often…
  
  0
4. Quinn (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I was too. Although I was actually thinking, “damn, I really want an awesome GUTS! t-shirt like that”
  
  Old school Nick FTW!
  
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  1. gen y non-winner (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 3:00 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    ME TOO. I was like, “Did she build a time machine to get that from the ’90s?”
    
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5. Lola (member)
  January 12, 2012 at 1:30 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Honestly, and then she said it and I looked up at her face and gulped “..no” and shyly shuffled my feet around
  
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Lister (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:43 am Permalink Reply Report user

Ohgawd. So embarassing!

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MelChan (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:44 am Permalink Reply Report user

LOL…where do I begin…

“You’re a lesbian? But you’re so pretty!”

Sorry we’re not all snaggle-toothed truckers.

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Pand (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:45 am Permalink Reply Report user

Straight girl- what do you lesbians do in bed?
Me- build fortress’s and eat away our feelings.

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1. Intern Grace (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:36 am Permalink Reply
  
  “eat away our feelings”
  
  Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
  
  0
  1. Pand (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    unless their girlfriends have built in McFlurry makers, then no the reality of the situation is a lot duller
    
    0
    1. MelChan (member)
      January 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      Built-in McFlurry makers…
      
      The visuals…oh the visuals.
      
      2
      1. Intern Grace (member)
        January 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm Permalink Reply
        
        I would make a graphic, but I am choosing not to for everyone’s sake.
        
        2
        
        Pand (member)
        January 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm Permalink
        
        atleast someone has their thinking cap on, i don’t think i put my brain in gear when i wrote that comment but i stand by it. #McGirlfriends
        p.s my second comment on a post ever on AS and intern grace replied to it… is this real life?!
        
        2
2. Maria (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  “hold hands and giggle” is my go-to answer.
  
  2
  1. KayBee (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    My favorite is “whatever we fucking want to”.
    
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  2. Emily (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    If “South of Nowhere” taught me anything, it was that lesbian sex is all about kneeling in front of one another on a bed and sort of rubbing your forearms together.
    
    Hawt.
    
    0
    1. Dina (member)
      January 9, 2012 at 11:15 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      If Hand Aufs Herz taught me anything, it’s that lesbian sex requires a wind machine.
      
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      1. Amanda
        January 10, 2012 at 3:45 am Permalink Reply
        
        Well obviously. Why? How do you do it?
        
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Lindsay (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:48 am Permalink Reply Report user

I wasn’t looking at your boobs; I was looking at your Nickelodeon GUTS t-shirt because that is amazeballs.

Oh, and the video was really funny too.

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1. Annie D
  January 9, 2012 at 11:05 am Permalink Reply
  
  Excuses, excuses.
  
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Fawksfyre
January 9, 2012 at 11:01 am Permalink Reply

You forgot one main essential one: how it must be easier to be with a woman.

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1. Laneia (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:07 am Permalink Reply
  
  yes i was waiting for that one too
  
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2. KayBee (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  My dad told me that when I came out to him. Like I was just being lazy. Wah-wahhh
  
  1
3. middlemuse (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Or, alternatively, “I could NEVER date a girl, girls are crazy!”
  
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  1. chrissie riot (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I had this conversation with a girl I worked with once:
    
    her: I could NEVER date a girl, I hate women, they’re so crazy and like bitches. I don’t get along with other girls.
    me: I am still a girl you know…
    her: Oh well yeah but you don’t count because, you know…
    me: …
    
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4. erin (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:20 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  guys are so emotionally stunted… like, i could understand why you’d want to switch.
  
  1
Heather (member)
January 9, 2012 at 11:04 am Permalink Reply Report user

hahaha i saw this on tumblr yesterday! too funny.

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blythely
January 9, 2012 at 11:14 am Permalink Reply

I hate “But you don’t *look* like a lesbian.” uhhhh yeah I do. Cum um, I am one.

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blythely
January 9, 2012 at 11:15 am Permalink Reply

Um yeah HA! That was *cuz.

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Avan (member)
January 9, 2012 at 11:16 am Permalink Reply Report user

Oh no, there was this really cute totally gay lady working at the PeiWei by my old beauty school..the straight girls there assumed she was checking them out,and talked about how cute she was and if they were gay they would bang her. (Ya know cause shes not being nice to get tips like a straight girl would, she must wanna do them). Oh, and this gem: If a random girl you don’t know requests you on Facebook, she is probably gay and wants to bang you. In other words this is true…

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Lora (member)
January 9, 2012 at 11:16 am Permalink Reply Report user

I always get, “You don’t think that guy is even a little bit hot?” And then if I admit, on rare occasions, “Yeah, he dresses nice/has nice hair/a cute face,” they’ll say, “So you’re bisexual then?”

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1. Maria (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I have found it very useful to have my list of “men I am hot for” handy in situations like these. the list is:
  
  1. Batman
  2. Neville Longbottom
  3. Lance Sweets
  
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  1. Meg (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    amazing.
    
    0
    1. Maria (member)
      January 10, 2012 at 1:41 am Permalink Reply Report user
      
      thanks.
      also, the inconsistecy of this list should tell people something about my “taste” in men.
      
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      1. Jessie (member)
        January 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm Permalink Reply Report user
        
        Now you’ve made me think of mine;
        
        1. Batman
        2. Neil Patrick Harris.
        
        XD I believe there should be some naked pudding wrestling for Batman…yeah…for batman.
        
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        Maria (member)
        January 12, 2012 at 1:10 am Permalink
        
        naked lesbian wrestling for batman. u-oh. i like.
        
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        Jessie (member)
        January 12, 2012 at 6:37 pm Permalink
        
        It’s the only way to do things and everyone wins!
        
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  2. sheena (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    ok, way random, sorry. but why do lezzies LOVE batman? i mean ima huge fan but the other day my 14yo nephew comes up to me im in my batman hat and asks who do lesbians love batman so much? i just said cuz hes fucking awesome thats why but he really got me thinking cuz i see alot of gay ladies sprting batman stuff
    
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    1. chrissie riot (member)
      January 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      power tools. dykes love power tools.
      
      0
      1. Maria (member)
        January 10, 2012 at 1:39 am Permalink Reply Report user
        
        I dunno I just wanna get laid by batmaaaan.
        (or maybe I want to be batman and get laid by maggie gyllenhaal)
        
        1
    2. Carmen SanDiego (member)
      January 10, 2012 at 4:56 am Permalink Reply Report user
      
      He carries all that stuff yet he doesn’t need a purse
      
      2
    3. Milja
      January 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm Permalink Reply
      
      In Finland the slang word for lesbian is lepakko (bat) so that’s why we all wear Batman T-shirts. Don’t know about the rest of the world (though Batman is also awesome)
      
      1
      1. Creatrix Tiara (member)
        January 17, 2012 at 12:40 am Permalink Reply Report user
        
        …this just explained EVERYTHING.
        
        0
    4. Elle (member)
      January 11, 2012 at 2:10 am Permalink Reply
      
      Really? I didn’t notice.
      I’m not a big fan of Batman at all.
      
      0
  3. sheena (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 9:05 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    ok, way random, sorry. but why do lezzies LOVE batman? i mean ima huge fan but the other day my 14yo nephew comes up to me im in my batman hat and asks who do lesbians love batman so much? i just said cuz hes fucking awesome thats why!!!! but he really got me thinking cuz i see alot of gay ladies sporting batman stuff
    
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2. Danika @ The Lesbrary (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  See, this is how it’s worked in my experience. They say, “Is that guy hot?” and I either agree or disagree with them. If I agree, then they say “See, even the lesbian knows he’s hot!” and if I disagree, they say “Pfft, what do you know. You’re gay.” CURSES.
  
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  1. spigliatezza
    January 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm Permalink Reply
    
    I like to answer, “eh, he’s not my type.” can be interpreted however you want
    
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becca (member)
January 9, 2012 at 11:19 am Permalink Reply Report user

This video is so accurate!
After I came out to my annoyingly cute/straight roommate: “If I was a lesbian – WHICH I’M NOT – I would totally go for you. I hope that’s not awkward.”

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dinkypin
January 9, 2012 at 11:25 am Permalink Reply

note to self: do not eat soup and a roll while on autostraddle. the rainbow bracelets one made me laugh so much I think there’s bread lodged in my sinuses.

Seriously. It hurts. Stupid funny youtube.

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Heather
January 9, 2012 at 11:26 am Permalink Reply

The “Do you think I’m pretty” question is so fucking loaded! I hate that one. There’s no way to answer that.

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1. Avan (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:31 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I usually just say yes and if they get creeped out that’s their fault for asking lol
  
  1
2. L
  January 9, 2012 at 11:49 am Permalink Reply
  
  always just say yes.
  
  1
3. Kelvin (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Yes. Yes there is. I usually go for something along the lines of:
  
  Yes. Of course you are pretty. Your hairs cascades of your delicate shoulders like night rain, and shines with the light of the sunrise. You have the complexion of a newborn baby’s left ass cheek. Should you ever deem me worthy of your bicurious experimentations, I would drop to my knees and praise God.
  
  Note: add or remove sarcasm depending on how obnoxious said girl is.
  
  2
  1. bra (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    *golf claps* FUCKING *golf claps*
    
    1
  2. Danonymous
    January 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm Permalink Reply
    
    I choked.
    
    2
4. Stefanie (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:29 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  A straight friend was really offended for about a month when I told her she wasn’t my type. I’m like, “Do you want to be my fucking type?!”
  
  2
  1. bra (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 11:44 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    this.
    
    0
  2. el
    January 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm Permalink Reply
    
    hot.
    
    0
  3. stokez
    January 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm Permalink Reply
    
    LOL Same thing happened to me. My friend was like whats your type then? I replied Gay.
    
    0
  4. Jessie (member)
    January 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    Ughhh I hate that! Several of my female friends won’t let up about it. Sometimes I feel like seriously play acting that i’m madly in love with them and when they freak out say “still mad you’re not my type?”
    
    1
    1. Brianna (member)
      August 20, 2012 at 8:59 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      Dooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiit!
      
      0
Stacey (member)
January 9, 2012 at 11:45 am Permalink Reply Report user

Funny. But I think I like this one better:

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1. L
  January 9, 2012 at 11:53 am Permalink Reply
  
  MUCH funnier!!!
  
  0
2. turkish (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Yeah, this was definitely the funnier video and she pretty much worked everything in there. I think every lesbian has heard all of those.
  
  0
3. Jess
  January 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm Permalink Reply
  
  This one’s hilarious!
  (*biased englishh girl)
  
  0
4. Carmen SanDiego (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  “I’m having a problem with my cat” ahauahuaha
  
  0
5. Alisha (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  HAHA this one is great! “That guy keeps hitting on me pretend you’re my girlfriend” If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
  
  P.S. NOTHING beats the GUTS t-shirt in the other one!! I need that shirt in my life.
  
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6. Fiona (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Brillo; this one is better, covers all the bases. And it was filmed in Blackpool, my hometown – had a weird moment of giddy internet recognition and now I miss the seaside. Stupid London and its stupid lack of coastline.
  
  0
  1. Bhan (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 6:10 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    London has a coastline, its just gross.
    
    0
7. Nicole (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  So so so much better. “Can I get another glass of wine please… And… do you want a pint?” Hahahaha. And holy jesus is she hot?
  
  0
8. Olivia (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  this version, so much funnier
  
  0
9. Sylvatica
  January 10, 2012 at 3:58 am Permalink Reply
  
  This one is brilliant. And I totally just said “brilliant” in a bad English accent…
  
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giles (member)
January 9, 2012 at 12:01 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Was totally waiting for the “So which one is the man? Wait what, but there’s always a man?! :O”

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Leila (member)
January 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm Permalink Reply Report user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMhjP2yVmu8

The British version? lol, same diff…

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wepa (member)
January 9, 2012 at 12:17 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Rings true: “This doesn’t mean you’re gonna start dressing like a man, too, right?” Also followed by a precious and confusing “Ohmygod please don’t do that”-like plea.

It was said to me while I was wearing a very spiffy blazer meant for spiffy 13- to 14-year-old boys, though, so I think that, fortunately, those straight ones are okay with me partially dressing like a spiffy little man. Bless their hearts.

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anna
January 9, 2012 at 12:27 pm Permalink Reply

OMG this is so funny… and so true. Where were you all years ago when I needed this?

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Sawyer
January 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm Permalink Reply

“If I had hair like yours, I’d probably be mistaken for a stylish gay man.” My friend Tori, about twenty minutes ago, re. my new haircut.

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Rose
January 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm Permalink Reply

“I’m giving up on guys–I think I’ll just become a lesbian.”

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1. dizzy (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I wish I had a dollar for every time I’d heard that one.
  
  0
Aly (member)
January 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm Permalink Reply Report user

I always get the, “Are you SURE you just haven’t dated a decent guy yet?” Because the guy I dated when I was 15 was super effeminate and girly (he was even super thin and had long hair) so people think he just “turned me gay”, because “weaker” guys make girls gay. No dipshit, maybe I just dated him instead of macho man because I like things associated with femininity. In conclusion: high school sucks.

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1. Erin (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Oh my lord, did we date the same guy?! xD I did the exact same thing in high school. He was practically my girlfriend. Also I always tried to feel him up like he had boobs.. he didn’t like that for some reason.
  
  0
2. Rose (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I’m bi but I totally had a crush on a guy like that in high school (well, except for the long hair, instead he just had a haircut like Blaine from Glee).
  
  0
3. Bhan (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 6:13 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Because of course a feminine guy puts you off men because you think they’re all feminine and so this makes you date girls? Logic?
  
  0
Jacob Woods
January 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm Permalink Reply

I was laughing pretty hard through the whole video – my lesbian GF would totally agree with these things. It’s terrible! Davey Wavey needs to make a gay version of this!

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Heather
January 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm Permalink Reply

Somebody should totally make a “shit straight guys say to lesbians” version!

Can I watch? JK.
I’ve slept with a lesbian before.
So you’d be totally hot if you just grew your hair out.
I’ve slept with more girls than you have.
Did some guy just like, really mess you up or something?
Can I watch?
Lesbians are totally hot. Wait, why is that offensive? It’s a compliment!
Have you met my girlfriend?
So, seriously, how do you know when you’re having sex?
Wait, but seriously, I’ll just sit in the corner and not say anything.
Well, if you ever want to switch it up a little bit….you know where to find me.
You just haven’t been with a guy who knows what he’s doing.
How do you feel about video cameras?
Did you ever check out other girls in the shower during gym? Can you tell me about it?
Boobs.
I’m totally cool with lesbians. I watch a lot of your porn!

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1. bra (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  ALL OF THIS!!!!
  
  0
2. L
  January 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm Permalink Reply
  
  ah, but you can’t have that, because things are only silly and ridiculous when GIRLS say shit.
  
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3. blythely
  January 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm Permalink Reply
  
  Boobs
  
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4. Rae (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  “I’ve slept with more girls than you have.” Yes! I’ve had this one a lot.
  
  The other day I got: “You’ve probably slept with more girls than I have”. I replied in a Daria-like voice, “I have”. Dude looked super disturbed.
  
  0
5. Dina (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:23 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  “When you and your girlfriend have sex, you have sex. But when me and my girlfriend have sex, she gets laaaaaiiiiiid.”
  
  (Direct quote)
  
  0
  1. Maria (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 1:38 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    wow. did you like, pat him on the back or anything? I think he needed that.
    
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6. Amanda
  January 10, 2012 at 3:52 am Permalink Reply
  
  So, you’re a girl, and you’re into girls, does that mean you find yourself hot? Like, is feeling up your own boobs as fun as feeling up someone elses???
  
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E (member)
January 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Me: “I’m just a masculine girl, you know?”

Well-meaning acquaintance: “Omigod don’t say that! You are SO pretty! All you need to do is change your hair a little, start wearing makeup, maybe wear lighter colors…”

oh my god my face during that convo. Masculine is suddenly bad? Who’s the alleged man-hater here? (Been called that too, not by the same person, thank god.)

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rachellie (member)
January 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm Permalink Reply Report user

After having a long rant about her male friend who is an asshole:
*serious, contemplative voice* “Sometimes, I really think I should just turn lez.”

Every time!!

Also: (expecting me to be excited) “Hey hey I’ve been wanting to tell you I made out with a girl last week!! It was really fun but not as good as with my boyfriend.”

Awesome video

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Delee
January 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm Permalink Reply

“You soooo don’t look like a lesbian!”, or “Do you wanna make out/we should totally make out/why don’t you wanna make out with me??”, lol.

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Leavens (member)
January 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm Permalink Reply Report user

“Haven’t you tried having sex with guys? How can you know if you don’t try?”

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1. handydandy (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  To which I reply, “Yes, I have, not my cup of tea. Have you tried sex with a women? How can you know if you don’t try?”
  
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2. chrissie riot (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 10:09 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  me at a bar, drunk and tired of getting hit on by creeper: “I also haven’t fucked a donkey. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be into that either.”
  
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  1. Leavens (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 9:27 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I’m using this.
    
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Maria (member)
January 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm Permalink Reply Report user

the best one I got a couple of weeks ago was – and this was one sentence, no sign of any interpunction whatsoever: “I like your hair I’M NOT A LESBIAN OR ANYTHING.”

she tried to explain to me how she liked my new hairstyle but wasn’t hitting on me for what felt like five whole minutes.
until I just said: “No homo!”

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1. gen y non-winner (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 3:17 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  What a lesbian.
  
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GrrrlRomeo (member)
January 9, 2012 at 3:12 pm Permalink Reply Report user

I was initially ambivalent about these videos. But then I realized, this is really a great way to explain microagressions without having to explain what microagression is.

Too many people don’t realize that the stuff they say has been said a million times and the person they’re saying it to has probably heard it dozens of times…maybe in one day. And then they wonder why you’re irritated. Then they get defensive when you try to explain. These videos just bypass all that and get right to the point.

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Leavens (member)
January 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm Permalink Reply Report user

My personal favorite, I can’t believe I forgot:

“So would it be cheating on your girlfriend if you slept with a guy? . . . But why? . . . Okay, what if SHE slept with a guy? . . . I just don’t understand how that would be cheating. Sex with guys is different from what you, you know, do.”

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soapbox
January 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm Permalink Reply

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1. chrissie riot (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  The best part was the “are you drunk…?”
  
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bra (member)
January 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Friend: “Cool because you’re pretty and I don’t have to worry about you being in competition ”

*At some bar some of men hit one me/offer to buy me drinks*

Friend: “OMFG you are lying about being gay you have the attention of every guy at this bar ugbggggghhghghhh! Are you using this to get attention!?!”

At that point I was just like “I don’t about you but although I’m gay I’m still sexy *takes shot* SHEEEIIIIT! *snaps*

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GrrrlRomeo (member)
January 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm Permalink Reply Report user

What about shit straight guys say to lesbians? I have a guy friend that I think just thinks of me as another guy friend. Which is okay up to the point where he starts making penis jokes. He’s just trying to be funny, but I don’t think he gets that I can’t relate.

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1. chrissie riot (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I’m waiting for this one.
  
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C
January 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm Permalink Reply

I don’t think straight girls know what scissoring is.

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1. dizzy (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I believe they think it’s a crafting technique.
  
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  1. bra (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    Oh what’s that crafting thing people would do at summer camp when they make bracelets of “intense platonic female love” (this is usually made for/by your your good-looking bunk-mate that does not believe in bras)???
    
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    1. dizzy (member)
      January 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      You know it grrl – wouldn’t be summer camp without some crafty scissoring sessions
      
      strictly platonic, of course..
      
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      1. bra (member)
        January 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm Permalink Reply Report user
        
        That’s when I learned how to loop swoop and pull with my *coughlegscough* stings
        
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        bra (member)
        January 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm Permalink
        
        *STRINGS, yes strings
        
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E.
January 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm Permalink Reply

Effing hilarious!!!

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DPreezy (member)
January 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Scissoring!
What happened with “so, who’s the boy in the relationship?”

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Claire (member)
January 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm Permalink Reply Report user

My favorite: “I don’t think you’re a lesbian, because you’re not manly like [person]. Also, you like pretty girls. You’re obviously bisexual.”
(The logic was strong with this one)
My second favorite: “It’s obviously just a phase. You’ll grow out of it.”

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1. lesemicolon (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  My mom: “Is it because of the roller derby?”
  
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  1. dizzy (member)
    January 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    BEST.
    
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middlemuse (member)
January 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm Permalink Reply Report user

It’s not exactly something they SAY, but how annoying is it when two straight girls decide to be “in a relationship” or “married” on Facebook?

There should be a word for that little flicker of hope followed by anger and sullenness when you see, “*Straight girl* is in a relationship with *straight girl.”

You know, it’s a funny joke, right? Because it’s like they’re gay?

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1. bra (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 9:26 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  You just explained my “ish” in college…
  
  I CAN’T EVEN!!!!
  
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2. Dina (member)
  January 9, 2012 at 11:28 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  UGH YES.
  
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  1. bra (member)
    January 9, 2012 at 11:48 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    What is really sad is that I participated in this shit knowing that I am gay as a skip on a sunny day. Good news the person I did this with did become my ex-gf in college…again ughh college DDD
    
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3. Maria (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 1:36 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  as a person who is online-married to a straight girl, I am torn about this one. it started as an inside-joke between us and a couple of friends, and I mostly see it as a way to have a slightly inaccurate facebook profile. I also find it rather amusing that since we got “married”, she gets advertising for rainbow jewelry and gay cruises.
  
  I find it way more disturbing that my cousins 18/19-year-old (female) friends post pictures of themeselves in little clothing/really high heels and that this growing up with facebook thing is turning into something that makes teenage girls take professional yet exploitive pictures and post them online and then wait for likes and comments to get approval.
  
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  1. bubbles
    January 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm Permalink Reply
    
    yeah, because at 24, you remember the days when you had to stay still for an hour in order to take a picture of your exposed ankle
    
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    1. Maria (member)
      January 11, 2012 at 12:30 am Permalink Reply Report user
      
      I beg you pardon. How is this about me being 24 now?
      
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    2. Maria (member)
      January 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm Permalink Reply Report user
      
      I am still very excited about the fact that someone obviously misread my above comment [left a snarky comment and never explained it] as something it was not, which is:
      a) me looking down on 18/19 year olds
      b) me thinking I am “so much older” at 24
      c) me making fun of “the youth of today”
      
      when in fact it was about the self-representation of women in our society, women seeing themselves through the male gaze and the role the internet/facebook plays in this.
      
      and no, when I was 18, facebook wasn’t around. and I am happy about it. because at 24, I am already leaving too much content there, and it would have been more if I’d had it at 18. We did too much stupid stuff on the internet, left too much information about ourselves at teens anyways.
      
      before that, I purchased some rather delightful paintings of my legs.
      
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4. Bhan (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 6:23 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I’m ok with that actually because most people I know who’ve done that aren’t making a gay joke, its about how they’re such close friends they’re practically married.
  
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  1. middlemuse (member)
    January 10, 2012 at 9:11 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I guess mainly what bugs me is that I’ve spent so much of my life feeling really lonely, like really, most of the time I’ve been the only queer girl I knew (EVEN AT MY WOMEN’S COLLEGE WHAT THE FUCK).
    
    So it was that moment, you know? Like, it got me EVERY TIME–a little surge of hope that maybe I’m not alone anymore, followed by the swift realization that it was just a joke. I don’t know, possibly people who can be that emotionally affected by Facebook just shouldn’t be on Facebook?
    
    Anyway, my skin has thickened up over time and now I pretty much assume all same-sex relationship updates are jokes unless proven otherwise (you notice it’s never hetero couples making that joke? like, my best friend is a dude, and we’d never have the freedom to make a fake relationship update because everyone would assume I’d gone straight).
    
    And that’s created some awkward moments too, like when a close friend started dating his boyfriend.
    
    So, like, I get that it’s not malicious, and I’m totally not judging.
    
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    1. Bhan (member)
      January 11, 2012 at 5:35 am Permalink Reply Report user
      
      Well my ex-boyfriend is facebook married to his straight female friend, so you do get straight couples doing it sometimes. But I get why it upsets you. That’s so weird though, has the media lied to me about who attends women’s colleges?
      
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      1. middlemuse (member)
        January 11, 2012 at 5:45 am Permalink Reply Report user
        
        I know, right? Most disappointing girls’ school ever! It had a reputation as a finishing school for young ladies until pretty recently. The kind of place you send your daughter to get a degree so she’ll be respectable when you marry her off? I dunno, it’s a great school but not a very gay one.
        
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5. Lola (member)
  January 12, 2012 at 1:55 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I was going to say “But does the same thing go for me(queer gal) and my best pal(boy homo) being married on fb?” And then I was like “Lol no because we’re just, like, deconstructing the construct of marriage through our being cis-het- seeming folk, when really we’re both homosexuals who like to fist fuck.
  
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mandi (member)
January 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm Permalink Reply Report user

I enjoyed this!

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Une vidéo par jour, ou presque » Les conneries que les (filles) hétéros disent aux lesbiennes
January 10, 2012 at 12:05 am Permalink

[...] Autostraddle. Commenter 0 | Classé dans: Parodies par [...]

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Allison
January 10, 2012 at 12:09 am Permalink Reply

My friend recently:

“So…in lesbian sex, you never have a vaginal orgasm, right?”

I was also asked to give a detailed analysis of what pussy tastes like.

and…

“So…do you actually enjoy going down on other girls?”

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1. chrissie riot (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 2:38 am Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Well, you know, vaginas are like disgusting. Sooo…. ew.
  
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Ash (member)
January 10, 2012 at 12:54 am Permalink Reply Report user

I have one of these living in an apartment across the street from me. It’s not cute after 4 years of being in the same social circle.

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scissorrunner (member)
January 10, 2012 at 1:15 am Permalink Reply Report user

“OH YEAH. What about babies then?! Turkey baster.. that’s a real thing right?”

“Ohhh I went to school with/work with/know a lesbian… Maybe I can hook you guys up?” AKA “Yeah, I know of them… Lesbians.”

“Yeah but I’ve noticed that when we go out and arrogant, sleazy guys hit on you, you get really annoyed. Maybe if you met a guy who was nicer and more sensitive…”

Response: “Ah hell no.”

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1. Leavens (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Oh god, the turkey baster jokes. Not even remotely funny.
  
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Sara
January 10, 2012 at 9:02 am Permalink Reply

I went ahead and made the “shit straight guys say… to lesbians” one! It’s not as high quality as this one, but it’s exactly what you’d expect. A lady dressed as a creepy auto mechanic, sounding douchey.

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1. Danie
  January 10, 2012 at 10:55 am Permalink Reply
  
  That’s so funny!! good job!!
  
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2. lesemicolon (member)
  January 10, 2012 at 1:29 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  “Lesbians think more like men, and are more logical than women.” (‘Cause we’re not women?)
  
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Megan (member)
January 10, 2012 at 11:02 am Permalink Reply Report user

Things my straight twin sister says to me:

“So…your girlfriend is the butch then, right?”

“Have you had, like, sex? REALLY?! Do you use…you know…*whispers* vibrators? Because I totally have some of those, too.”

“My friend can’t wait to have you and [girlfriend] stay at his house. I mean, he likes you a lot…but mostly, he’s excited to have two lesbians sleep over. It’ll be great!”

“This is a phase, right? Because I like [girlfriend] a lot, but I picture you marrying a guy.”

“Wait, what’s ‘LGBT’?”

On Valentine’s Day: “…how do you know which one of you is supposed to buy flowers?”

And the list goes on.

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Ka3L (member)
January 10, 2012 at 11:57 am Permalink Reply Report user

http://www.onemorelesbian.com/shit-straight-girls-say-to-lesbians.html

this one is pretty funny too

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xeria
January 10, 2012 at 3:16 pm Permalink Reply

I’ve gotten…

“I really wish you were a guy.” or “I would totally date you if you were a boy.”

And…

“So…I don’t get it. How does sex work for you guys?”

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pardonm3 (member)
January 10, 2012 at 8:38 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Whoa, I was watching this on Youtube yesterday and thought it would be cool to see on Autostraddle. And it’s here! You are obvs psychic.

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kd15 (member)
January 10, 2012 at 8:50 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Best one yet, shit gay guys say to their cats

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de de (member)
January 10, 2012 at 10:20 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Lmfao the one question that I’ve heard a lot is would u fuck me? just cause I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean I want to fingerblast every girl smh Haha but I loved the what’s it taste like ?? My respond would’ve been skittles so come taste my rainbow LOL

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thinksmall
January 11, 2012 at 9:34 am Permalink Reply

They´re missing the most annoying one:

You´ve never had sex with a man? So then you´re technically a virgin!

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Lola (member)
January 12, 2012 at 2:04 am Permalink Reply Report user

My least favorite is when my roommate asks about whatever my plans are for the evening, in those rare cases where I’ve invited her, by cautiously saying “So what kind of thing is this” and I have to say if it’s a “gay thing” or not

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Rachel (member)
January 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm Permalink Reply Report user

My favorite comment that I’ve personally experienced is my straight friend asking her sister “Does this outfit make me look too much like a lesbian?”. However, in hindsight, she did warn me that what she was going to say might be offensive, so I guess I should be grateful for that.

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AnneMarie (member)
January 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm Permalink Reply Report user

“maybe I am a lesbian you know I think Megan Fox is beatiful!”

Said by a straight friend after she told a few minutes before “eww lesbians are gross!” me “uhm where have you seen a lesbian?” she “on porn!”

Some people are just hopeless.

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Kenya
February 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm Permalink Reply

The since your gay do you think Im pretty question is impossible to answer.
And no I was ADMIRING your boobs

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Sam (member)
March 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Fanfuckingtastic!!!!

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Jillian McD (member)
September 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm Permalink Reply Report user

My favorite from my roomate:
“Dude, I hope people don’t think I’m gay because we’re roomates and I don’t have a boyfriend.”

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