Alice Pieszecki:"Dana, most girls are straight until they're not."
Jenny Schecter: "I don't know what to do. every time I look at you I feel so completely dismantled."
Shane McCutcheon: "Liquor in the front, poker in the rear!"
Alice Pieszecki:: "Do you have to make that joke every time we play this game?"
Shane McCutcheon: "Yes, I do."
Tim: "What is it you do, you girls? Should I even care? Does it even count?"
Marina: "Well, you were there-- you saw how much it counts."
Alice:: "The point is we're all connected, through love, through loneliness, through one lamentable lapse in judgment... All of us. We reach out from the darkness, from the alienation of modern life to form these connections. I think it's a really profound statement about the nature of human existence ... All right. I could just do a piece on vaginal rejuvenation."
Abraxas: "I'll tell you about lies. There are white lies and black lies and many shades of grey lies. some lies are justified. Lies told out of kindness, lies that preserve dignity, lies that spare pain. Everybody's a liar, dear"
Shane McCutcheon (looking at the chart): "Look at me, I'm the center of the universe."
Bette Porter: "We are going to deploy a mission to ascertain the disposition and intent of one miss Lara Perkins ..."
Shane McCutcheon: "I don't know Al, she still seems pretty cold in the streets to me."
Alice Pieszecki:: "Cold in the streets, hot in the sheets!"
Alice Pieszecki: "How many times do I have to tell you, no sundresses!"
Dana Fairbanks:: "But I'm going to a nice place, someone might see me."
Alice: "One guy recognizes you and you think you're like Tiger Woods."
Lenore: "Remember the other night at the party when we were talking?"
Alice Pieszecki: : "Yeah, we were all talking. You can't be on the chart for talking."
Lenore: "I know, would you listen to my story? [pause] We were talking and at the end of the night when we were saying our goodbyes we had a moment."
Alice Pieszecki:: "A moment?"
Lenore: "A romantic moment."
Clive: "Shane is ..."
Harry : "Shane is... what? An ex-con? A murderer? Oh God please don't tell me you're heterosexual."
Shane: "I'm a girl. Female. Harry."
Harry: "My my my. Androgyny confounds."
Lacey: "The four 'f's. she finds them, feels them, fucks them and forgets them!"
Roommate 1: "Ok, what are we gonna call it?"
RM 2: "What about ... Fuckwad?"
RM 1: "Boring."
RM 3: "Labia?
RM 1: "Labia's too... clinical."
RM 2: "Too seventies. OK, how about... TWAT?"
RM 1: "Ohh TWAT is great."
RM 2: "Done. TWAT! The night!"
Jenny Schecter: I can't be around you anymore. It's confusing to me and makes me feel insane."
Alice Pieszecki: "Did you see those boots? Hot hot HOT!"
Shane McCutcheon: "Alice, you get with her and I'll kill you. she'll step all over your dignity in those boots."
Shane McCutcheon: "You're beautiful, and I like you a lot, but I like a lot of people."
Alice Pieszecki:: [to Shane's machine] "Shane? Where are you? It is really really lonely here at The Planet, and your roommates are over here saying TWAT like they have Tourette's syndrome. And Dana and Lara left and all they were giving me was the "we fucked all night and no one else in the world matters" vibe. It was gross. Anyway, I wish you'd come be surly and cynical with me."
Shane McCutcheon: "Look guys, we love you so much."
Alice Pieszecki: "We love you guys. We do."
Dana Fairbanks: "Ditto." [elbow from Alice] "Love you."
Alice Pieszecki: "That's why it pains us so much to see you in this downward spiral. I mean, Tina, look at your feet."
Bette Porter: "Oh look see, it says right here... it says True/False right now I am wearing fuzzy wuzzy slippers."
[Tina sits on her feet to hide the slippers]
Alice Pieszecki: "Hey guys, where are Bette and Tina? Boring."
Dana Fairbanks: "Yeah so boring."
Shane McCutcheon: "I don't know. When you think about what's more boring right? You make endless lists, you blow your head off and puke over the side of the boat, or you get to go home and fall asleep with the same person you've been in love with for seven years. I don't know."
Dana Fairbanks: "I'm sorry. I didn't do this to hurt you."
Sharon Fairbanks: "We all have feelings for our girlfriends, Dana. it doesn't mean you have to act on them."
Shane McCutcheon: "Don't cry. I hate it when girls cry."
Bette Porter: "Tell him to bite me."
James: "I can't tell him that!"
Bette Porter: "Tell him that all great art is a response to small minded corporate fascists trying to impose their ignorance on the sheep-like masses."
James: "I'll tell him you have a dentist appointment."
Shane: "Sexuality is fluid..whether you're gay or straight or you're bisexual...you just go with the flow"
Shane McCutcheon: So, should I do what I did last time?
Cherie: I was hoping for a little more.
Shane McCutcheon: Hmm. well, What kind of more?
Cherie: Lots more.
Dana Fairbanks: Mr Piddles? There's something important I have to tell you ... remember Lara? How she used to come over all the time, and stay over sometimes and we'd move around a lot ... together? ... Mr Piddles, Lara's gay ... So am I. You still love me? ... Oh you're the best cat in the world Mr P!"
Annette: "Do girls still look pretty when they're getting eaten out? Because guys are just so dorky when you're giving them blow jobs."
Dana Fairbanks: "It's like I came out to a piece of wood. I mean, she didn't even mention it."
Alice Pieszecki: "That's good. She's accepting it through denial."
Dana Fairbanks: "She's setting me up on a blind date with her friend Mildred's son!"
Alice Pieszecki: "At least it's not shock therapy."
Bette Porter: "You don't know how I've gone through the world. You have no idea."
Francesca: "The thing about Marina is when she focuses on you, you feel like you're the only one who exists. It's her gift. I don't blame you for falling in love with her. [To Marina] But maybe you use your gifts a little too freely."
Jenny Schecter: "Oh. Hi. Trish. Um. I'm just on my way to the grocery store. Um. To get some bread. For toast. I've uh -- I've forgotten my wallet and my keys. So I'm just gonna go get them. Where's my head?"
Bette Porter: Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?
Alice Pieszecki: Because they are.
Shane McCutcheon: "Honey, you have a lot of feelings."
Jenny Schecter: "Annette? Annette, we're officially stalking someone, which makes us kind of crazy and insane."
Annette: You know what? I think you can take her down.
Shane McCutcheon: "Tell me what you want."
Cherie: "I want so many things. But in terms of what you can do for me? I want a change. I want something new."
Shane McCutcheon: "Excellent."
Alice: "I don't want a lesbian boyfriend. I'm sorry! I want a boyfriend who's straight, or a lesbian who's a girl!"
Shane McCutcheon: "Look. When I say I've been with people, I don't mean 20 or 30...somewhere between..950 and 1200 since I was 14."
Tim Haspel: "That's you! That's who you've become. It's like you've done this thing and you can't wash it off. It's in you. I don't want it in me."
Jenny Schecter: "Fuck you Tim. I am not apologizing any more."
Bette Porter: "Slip under my hood of boringness. No one will even know we're gone."
Nick: "Listen, Jennifer. Commitment is dreary. It's not your thing. You have to dig deeper. Tell me something interesting."
Jenny Schecter: "I've been doing these really terrible things."
Marina: "Are you happy?"
Jenny Schecter: "Don't ask me that."
Marina: "Your parents must be so proud."
Alice Pieszecki:"Dana, did you not do it?"
Marina: "You didn't come out to your parents yet?"
Shane McCutcheon: "Well, I think Subaru's gonna do it for you."
Shane's coming-out story: "Tiffany Gardner. She was this gorgeous blonde who lived down the street. And one day I thought, 'You know what? Fuck this. Enough's enough. I'm gonna meet this chick.' So I pack up my Sunshine Meal and I walk over to her, and she's just sitting in the sandbox, playing hard to get. And I knew I was fucked. That girl took my Sunshine Meal toy. Then she took my heart."
Cherie: "You heard him. He'll kill you."
Shane McCutcheon: "You know...my entire life, people have said that...I would become a psychopath if I don't learn how to feel. But I wanna know, Cherie, what the fuck is so great about feeling?" Because "I finally let myself. And I feel like my heart's been completely ripped out."
Cherie: "I'm sorry."
Shane McCutcheon: "I had this insane idea that you and I could be together. Because it felt real."
Cherie: "It was a delusion."
Shane McCutcheon: "Then I'm delusional. Because I swear you felt the same way about me."
Cherie: "What if I did? What difference would it make? What if, in the time we spent together, I felt more alive than I have in the last 20 years of my life? What if that were true? Do you think that I would leave my husband? My child, my...houses in Bel Air and East Hampton, my trips to Paris? My black tie galas? To run to some..rank little love nest, with a 25-year-old...assistant hairdresser...who barely has her foot in the door? (crying) In this fucking ugly world, that kind of love does not exist."
//
Comments Off