Real L Word Episode 306 Recap: Lost In A Bush (That’s What She Said!)

Hello and welcome to the sixth recap of the third season of Showtime’s hit series, The Real L Word, a 30-minute sitcom about a spunky young girl with pigtails, day-glo leggings and multi-colored outfit situations who is abandoned in a Chicago shopping center by her mother and subsequently adopted by Henry, the kindly manager of the building she’d found to squat in. Eventually she opens a hoppin’ burger establishment at the local mall and throughout the series deals with tough pre-teenage and teenage issues such as buying your first bra, being a tomboy, bullies, getting trapped in an old refrigerator, dodging Child Protective Services and fighting swamp monsters.

L to R: Whitney, Amanda, Lauren & Romi (the dog in the middle ate everybody’s little dog so he represents all the little dogs)

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m ready to rock this recap! Not really, I’d really rather discuss how the fuck True Blood is gonna wrap up their crazy-ass season in next week’s finale, right? Jesus. Also we interviewed Lauren and Amanda, a.k.a. “Lamanda.”

Anyhow, this week The Real L Word treated us to yet another Dinah Shore-centric hour of sapphic solipsism, in which someone curled up and took a nap on wet asphalt, someone twisted her ankle stepping off a curb, someone passed out on the bathroom floor for three hours mid-day and someone met Miley Cyrus at The Coffee Bean. Hey, who wants to see a sexy picture of Vero?

Sorry about the lateness of this recap, Intern Grace had a special weekend which led to me not getting all the screencaps ’til this morning (Monday), and also because of the cram she didn’t have time to give them all cute names. We apologize and have nothing but love for you and each other forever and ever as so it was written, amen.

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We open in the sweltering wildlands of Palm Springs, California, where an enormous group of intoxicated lesbians are enjoying each other’s nipples while rocking softly to the beat of insufferable pop music. Also, Kacy and Cori are re-entering the world they’ve shunned for many moons in the most violent way possible.

DINAH!

whaddya say we bust this popstand and go emotionally eat at in-and-out instead

Kacy notes that Dinah appears to be “like a club” but “during the day.”

Kacy: “It was a little bit like walking into an alternate universe.”
Cori: “Where men did not exist, and neither did clothes. I felt out of place with my clothes on.”

Tell it like it is, Nikki Weiss:

oh no she wouldn’t

The two well-insulated ladies make their way through the hordes of women not dressed for winter and are stopped by Real L Word fans who wanna take pictures with The Celesbians Kacy and Cori. Oh wait — is everybody here clear on the definition of “Celesbian”? Let me refresh your memory:

and a bluebird is a bird that’s blue

Get it? Okay, good. So, as I was saying, Cori & Kacy are spotted by fans amid the throngs of gyrating g-strings and roped into a Kodak Moment.

hot pink bikini is going to tag the hell out of this photograph

And thus KayCor are forced to grapple with the inevitable questions:

Fan #1: “I’m planning on getting pregnant myself.”
Cori: “Really?”
Fan #1: “But like, when we saw that episode with you guys doing like, that thing, like did it work?”
[awkward pause]
Cori: “Uh, it did work. I lost her at five months.”
Fan #1: “Oh G-d, that’s the worst feeling in the world, I can’t imagine.”
Fan #2: “But keep trying.”

Womp womp.

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Back in Le Chateau De Lamanda & Whitney & Sarahara, Sara and Lauren are sticking colored pencils into their eyeballs while Amanda informs Lauren that she heard from a girl who heard from another girl who heard from Hunter Valentine that Kiyomi lives with her girlfriend. But Lauren heard from Kiyomi herself that the “thing” with Ali is “sorta done.”

Amanda: “But every girl says that.”
Lauren: “Duh! It’s not like I’m like ‘Oh! I believe you!’

duh, everybody knows that it’s really not butter

Amanda won’t let it go and Lauren reassures her that she’ll get this whole fascinating mess cleared up, and Whitney says that as Lauren’s friend she’ll support whatever decision she makes. That’s easy for Whitney to say ’cause unlike Amanda, she hasn’t ever found her arm halfway up Lauren’s vaginal canal… yet.

remember what i told you about how to get on season four and everything will be okay, grasshoppers

Everybody laughs and explodes and turns into ghost ninjas.

and the scent of kiyomi’s vagina lingered all day long

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Meanwhile, Kacy and Cori are still perched precariously on the lips of the mouth of hell, wondering what the hell they’re doing at Dinah Shore.

Kacy: “It’s not that I’m not happy to be here but it’s just like, I would rather be at the hospital, exhausted, knowing that in a month we were gonna have a baby.”
Cori: “I feel it too, it’s hard. We’re not where we’re supposed to be.”
Kacy: “We can get there.”
Cori: “Dinah!”
Kacy: “I wonder if anybody else is having the same conversation that we’re having right now.”
Cori: “I think we’re the biggest Debs here.”

but only because claire didn’t show up

At this point, the couple makes the only decision one can really make under such circumstances:

Kacy: “We’re gonna drink through it.”

coincidentally, this happens to be the exact strategy i employ to endure watching this show

Kacy takes one sip of what’s likely a $9 cup of fruit punch and basement-shelf tequila, declares it horrible and then declares herself drunk. Let’s rock!

helloooo instagram

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We then return to the Main Pool Area, where Somer and Donna are smooching, Laura’s carrying Vero around like a baby kangaroo, Sara’s kissing Amanda, and Somer is doing her very best to adapt to her surroundings.

play her like a guitar

I believe Dinah is especially challenging for New Yorkers, who would never, not ever, not in a million trillion bazillion years, intentionally attend an event of this nature on their home soil.

here kiss me before kiyomi sees us and tries to talk to us

Based on the six years I lived in New York City, I’d say that many New York lesbians tend to be the type that haven’t bothered buying a swimsuit in five years and only dig out the two-piece when somebody forgets how long it took to get to Coney Island last summer and ropes everyone in to a repeat excursion.

Somer: “Dinah, it’s not normally you know, my bag of tea or whatever — cup of tea? I don’t drink tea.”

smoking tea, on the other hand

But Somer’s happy to be there ’cause of the Hunter Valentine gig. Laura asserts that Hunter Valentine plans on rocking everybody’s bras off, which sounds neat.

and then sell the nice ones on ebay

Back on The Other Part of The Dinah Pool Party Area, Romi & Kelsey show up and are greeted with open arms by KayCor, who ask how the Dinah Dingbat Dating Game went and Romi explains how, once again, the universe’s axis lay between Romi’s legs and the entire world just revolved around her, being mean, like witches sticking carrots in people’s faces.

Romi: “Lauren signed up to go on a date with [Kelsey].”
[pauses, dramatically]
Romi: “They set us up. I’m like, can you guys get away? Why are you always there? and I just stood there watching the girl that I hate sign up to go on a date with my girlfriend…. it’s just — the nicest way to put it is that they’re very bully-ish.”
Kelsey: “They’re just bullies guys, it’s really sad.”

i don’t even bring pop-tarts in my lunch anymore because what’s the point, they always steal them

Romi interviews that she’s so glad Kacy & Cori are at Dinah, ’cause it’s nice to be around a “nice couple.” The implication is that Romi is nice and mature, and all the other girls are bitchy and immature, which is a valid point (about the bitchiness and the immaturity), but also who gives a fuck.

Meanwhile, said bitchy girls are exploring the swelling sexual tension inherent in every group of mojito-scented Dos-Equis-chugging hot lesbians in bikinis!

sara just saved 25 cents on q-tips

Lauren: “I don’t know why I’m sucking on Sara’s earlobes but Dinah fever is in me.”

Sara comes in her pants and Whitney’s pumped for “a big orgy later tonight.” The theme will be “The Story of O.”

Whitney: “I’m kinda turned on by the thought of you [Sara] getting it into Amanda, not gonna lie.”

but i’ve also been known to get off from stretching at the gym, so really it’s anybody’s game

Cori is wasted and stuffs her head into Kacy’s bosom and all is sunshine and beauty.

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Cut to a number of hours earlier and later wherein it’s time for Hunter Valentine’s performance! Romi spies the band preparing to perform and is disturbed by their presence.

do you see that rock band, david? you know they’ve never been friends to me or mother. not one hello from them, not since jackie died

Romi interviews that she doesn’t know who Hunter Valentine is. I hope they know who Romi is, ’cause she hates it when people don’t know who she is.

Romi: “…based on the fact that they are friends with Lauren and Whitney and Sara, G-d knows what they said about me, so I’m not gonna walk in and watch somebody perform that’s just gonna think I’m like, this bitch.”

in which romi and kelsey are letting the terrorists win

One of the many hazards of Being The Center Of the Universe is that at rock concerts, all the musicians are really thinking about is you, because duh, everybody is thinking about you. Like you wish you could just enjoy a performance but the performers are like, obsessed with you. You know? That’s what it’s like to be Romi, the Atlas Of the Modern World.

Romi dramatically yanks Kelsey through the crowd like she’s Justin Bieber and zips into her room, anxious to the max. “Let’s just order,” she says. Music to my ears!

this is hands down also my favorite place to be during dinah shore

Oh, these are ladies after my own heart, really. I love hotels and 95% of the time would rather be drinking/laughing/smoking with my friends in a hotel room, rolling around on sheets we’re not responsible for laundering, than be outside in the sticky-sweaty sunshine with People Who Enjoy Socializing.

While Romi and Kelsey debate which incidentals they’d like to consume, Hunter Valentine gets ready to rock in the sweltering sunlight of the Dinah mainstage.

raise your glass

The Drunk Lesbians enjoy the show but perhaps nobody’s enjoying the show quite like Lauren’s enjoying the show:

Lauren: “When I first met Kiyomi I thought she was attractive but then they go on stage and they play, she was so hot, and then hearing her voice, it was like, wow.”

Truth: there is nothing sexier than watching your loved one play a musical instrument, which is one of many reasons why all my girlfriends have been excellent instrument-players (the primary reason is “coincidence”). Look, even Amanda likes it:

don’t let any of that drool land on amanda’s shoulder

Or maybe not.

this photo could possibly actually be from the wet t-shirt contest (also note the girl from the williamsburg bar behind lauren)

Turns out that seeing Kiyomi rock out with her cock out gets Lauren hard like Swiss Chard:

Whitney: “I could practically see Lauren’s full-on erection for Kiyomi just waving in the wind by the end of the performance she like, blew her load on herself.”

is it true that i came in my pants? i don’t know.

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As you’re already aware, Kelsey & Romi have retired to their hotel room, sneakily foiling the CIA-implanted chip in Romi’s left thigh that enables them to follow her with spider trackers.

who’s at the door? who’s at the door? whooooos atttt tttthhheee dooorrrrr

So, Cori’s trashed. Which is actually a huge relief because she seems happy, at last. All of them do, all four of them.

Kacy: “When Cori gets tipsy, she has an alter ego and uh, Romi gets introduced to partial Coco. Coco At dusk. Kelsey got bent over, Coco style. It’s happened to all of us. She doesn’t really know you unless she’s bent you over and slapped your ass.”

Indeed: Coco Lite, beautifully wasted, thrusts Kelsey into a prone, stomach-to-the-mat position in which Coco Lite can properly smack Kelsey’s ass like she’s ready for some Canyon Yodeling, if you know what I mean.

is anybody here interested in pony play

Romi: “She’s making you a bottom, baby.”

For your reference, this is Coco Full-On:

 

Then Kacy interviews that “you looked light, for the first time in a long time you just looked light,” and Cori says that she felt light. She felt light!

little lightworker

I think that’s the thing about Dinah — it’s so grotesque and over-the top, and its attendees are so uproariously irresponsible that anything, any kind of behavior at all, is automatically deemed sensible because there’s no way what you’re doing is less acceptable than what anyone else is doing, anywhere. It’s a giant rollocking excuse to just let go of absolutely everything. You can’t feel guilty for kissing a girl you just met or getting super-drunk when two strangers with tequila fumes radiating from their pores are making out on-stage without shirts on while others wrestle topless in a kiddie pool drowning in vegetable oil.

You just let go, and then you feel light. Cori deserves to feel light. So does Kacy. Sookie should give them some light:

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Riese is the 33-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1795 articles for us.

107 Comments

  1. Thumb up 5

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    And this week, for the very first time, I have chosen to read ONLY the hysterical (punz) recap, and eschew the show. An excellent life decision; one to be repeated. Now it’s all LOLgroans, rather than headdesk groans followed by retraumatizing-through-recap-reading.

  2. Thumb up 6

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    It must be so tough being the center of the universe. I don’t know how Romi does it.

    And can I just say that Punky Bewster was my first crush. I feel kind of old saying that but it’s true. Fun Fact: her husband is one of the creators of Punk’d.

  3. Thumb up 4

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    Gahh I actually feel really bad for Romi and Ali. I know you’re trying to avoid the whole victimizing thing but yeah. I feel like I’ve been there and it sucks and the things you’re doing make perfect sense to you in the moment, even though you look back on the things you did (or maybe you’re not even looking back, maybe you’re feeling it right then) and think, God, I’m so lame, why can’t I just move on? But sometimes moving on is hard. I gotta say this was kinda painful to read. I guess you gotta try and make it less painful somehow…

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    I feel bad for Ali, for how she’s being portrayed. I mean I know we’re probs not getting a very real picture of any of them. but how they make her seem like she just sits at home, waiting for kiyomi to come back or call so they can fight again, kinda sucks.
    anyways. the sara/whitney/lauren makeout was kinda hot. too bad it was interupted.
    other thoughts; vero certainly is the coolest cucumber. and I may start using the phrase “hold your tampons”

  5. Thumb up 4

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    Just accidentally read (skimmed) the AE version of this as well as yours. They refer to (multiple?) Sarah Croce appearances as evidence of cylons . Not sure whether I’m more pleased with myself that I understood the reference or sad that I read both recaps….

  6. Thumb up 5

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    For everyone/the one person feeling sorry for Romi – please remember that at the end of this episode she says, with a completely straight face “Sarahara is consumed in herself.” And then they show Romi walking away and her unibomber sweatshirt has that stupid photo of her kissing her own doppelganger. WTF?!?!?! How many pieces of clothing does she own with her own face on it???

    On another note – is that seriously the premise of Punky Brewster? That she got left in a shopping mall by her mother? What a downer!

  7. Thumb up 1

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    I loved that while Amanda was tripping over Lauromi Sara kept trying to dance. You could just see her complete disinterest in the drama as she did a two-step staring off into space. I also grew fond of Amanda in this episode, the girl knows her funny.

  8. Thumb up 2

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    Romi needs help. Like I seriously feel bad for her, not because she’s “being bullied” but because she actually doesn’t realize how self absorbed she is.

    Sara and Whitney are right about Romi but they really need to stop being catty/bitchy.

    Amanda is hilarious.

    Kelsey is way cute.

    Kiyomi and Lauren are annoying.

  9. Thumb up 1

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    Confession time: I actually download the episodes after reading the recaps just so I can enjoy them with all Riese’s jokes in my mind.

    Also Punky Brewster rocks.

  10. Thumb up 6

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    I’ve tried to read this recap three times now, but I get to that picture of Vero and everything else ceases to matter. ;)

    Seriously though, that episode was so crazy, but that made the recap all the more hilarious. Did I actually feel a twinge of empathy for Kiyomi when Lauren was macking with Whitney? I’m not sure. I guess it could have been Sriracha burn from dinner.

    Hey, I think I had a thought! Maybe you should put Vero pics at the end of recaps each week as a reward/palate cleanser.

  11. Thumb up 1

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    oh i like your recaps very much, they make me laugh. i don’t watch the show because it’s too boring but your recaps are really worth reading, hoop hoop!

  12. Thumb up 2

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    Once again thank you Riese, I hope your liver survives the rest of the series.

    Also every episode so far has just re-affirmed my original feeling of Vero-awesomeness

  13. Thumb up 8

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    I love Vero. I want to have babies with her.

    Romi, Romi, Romi. I wonder what its like inside her head. I wonder if she actually believes everything she says or just puts on the air that she does. Anybody see the preview for this Thursdays show? Oh. My. God. We get to meet Dusty and see her ‘launch’ her singing career. I can’t wait! The argument between Sara and Romi was just dumb. I wish we could get to the bottom of what really happened and why they hate each other.

    I still don’t like Amanda but Kiyomi—I don’t know there is just something about her to me. She’s cute with Lauren.

  14. Thumb up 7

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    First: Riese, I love you.

    Second: I find Kiyomi’s actions revolting.

    “Let’s text while sitting next to each other because we’re 15 years old and can’t address each other like adults and then I’ll tell you that you’re making my life hard because I had acquire all of these regional reps/STDs because I don’t have the decency to end a relationship that’s clearly hurting the other half. And then I am going to yell at you for no good reason and I’m going to change my name to KiyoME because I’m going to spend even more time thinking about myself.”

    Last: I think we all want to see more of Vero, don’t we?

  15. Thumb up 1

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    how could the re cap leave out the never ending drama of the hotel ‘not being ready’ for Romi, the celesbian to check in!!! Is she for real?!? That was Hi-larious!!! poor romi….

  16. Thumb up 11

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    I am not gonna lie- I think the way Lauren and Kiyomi are crushing on each other is hella cute. They’re like two teenagers!

    And I wanna feel bad for Ali but um…I really don’t. She seems to be a little needy and manipulative, which is a major turn off. Someone needs to write a queer girl’s version of “She’s Just Not That Into You” and give her a copy.

    Also- I am a little tired of hearing Whitney and Sara bash Romi every chance they get. I don’t like the girl either, but feel that the bashing is a little old.

    And I don’t know what happened between Sara and Romi there…It just- I am a little confused.

    • Thumb up 3

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      “And I wanna feel bad for Ali but um…I really don’t. She seems to be a little needy and manipulative, which is a major turn off. Someone needs to write a queer girl’s version of “She’s Just Not That Into You” and give her a copy.”

      ^^ahaha SO true! I don’t like Ali for the simple fact that she IS needy. I mean before Dinah they were arguing about the fact that Ali slept with someone else and Kiyomi was pissed she didn’t tell her. I think that if you are in a non-manogomous relationship you can do what you want but I do agree with Kiyomi that you shouldn’t lie about it either. They were BOTH clearly doing what they wanted. Why can Ali do that but Kiyomi can’t?

  17. Thumb up 1

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    If Vero’s tattoo wasn’t meant to be in the future tense, it has a typo. (I’m a nerd and also felt the need to use google to clarify that my extremely similar tattoo was correct).

    Laura has great suspenders.

    The Romi and Sarahara argument is so funny/sad…and I guess a really good reminder that no, the world does not revolve around any single one of us even if you’re out and about and go ‘augh I really don’t want to see these people they will all be judging me.’ They probably don’t care nearly as much as you think they do.

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      I really admire your concentration on reading for real something so close to Vero’s vagina.

      (anyway yes it should be “amor omnia vincit”, if I recall correctly. I mean I would never do a tattoo in Latin cause it ruined 5 years of my life. It never made sense to me that it was so similar to italian yet I couldn’t get what the hell they were saying).

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        Yeah, it should be vincit instead of vincet. I like the phrase but I’ve never taken Latin (just a lot of liturgical experience with it) so I tried to figure out what the most common wording was and picked ‘amor vincit omnia’ for my tattoo because I like that the word order is more like it would be in English, but still correct.

        Also, that’s totally me. I don’t miss the forest for the trees (haha, forest) I miss the forest for the tiny pine needle at my feet.

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            It is correct (I actually wasn’t sure since I kinda erased all my memories of Latin) but since it’s actually a quote most people report it in the way it was said. So I think we can declare her tattoo correct!

          • Thumb up 3

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            Yeah, that’s what I was wondering. Most of the time when you see the quote (from Virgil, or the Caravaggio painting based on the line from Virgil) it is saying “love conquers all” instead of “love will conquer all”. So I’m sticking with maybe she did mean it in the future tense, but we can’t really be sure. :)

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            That’s why we totally need an interview of Vero, guys!
            By the way, I like to call her by her birth name Veronika, it’s such a HOT name!

  18. Thumb up 9

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    Vero seems like a really good friend, asking questions about kiyomi’s “relationship” when most people wouldn’t dare in case she actually answered them.

    Also I remember a scene last episode where I’m pretty sure right before Somer arrived and her and Kiyomi started sparring, Vero saying “So I was born and raised in New York..” and then gets cut off! Anything Vero has to say about herself has clearly ended up on the cutting room floor.

    I know IFC likes to edit and defy the linear aspect of time, but smart TV shows show a few episodes, then wait for the fan reaction to certain people/characters and then start focusing on them more in further episodes. If she’d done it this way she’d realise the love for Vero and we wouldn’t be so frustrated..

    • Thumb up 6

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      I think IFC should create a spinoff on Vero. With the occasional participation of Laura. That would make sense.

      (also Autostraddle I would love you forever if you could get an interview of Vero. I mean I already love you, still…)

      • Thumb up 1

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        Yeah, does Laura seem like she’s great on TV/in person? (I am among those who only read the recaps, for the hilarity.) She comes off as so nice and fun in screenshots! I liked that she wore red to the white party (which, why is that a thing, nobody looks good in all white).

    • Thumb up 5

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      I think I’m obsessed with her because she never gets to talk/do anything/be ruined. I just want to keep the image of her as The Hottest Coolest Cucumber alive in my heart forevermore. I think the only characters I ever like on this show are the ones who don’t ever get to talk.

      Also, has anyone actually said her name out loud on the show yet? I feel like that hasn’t happened…

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        I was actually wondering if Vero’s awesomeness has something to do with the fact that the editors didn’t pay much attention to her. They didn’t manipulate anything about what she said or did.
        Or maybe they did but they failed cause she looks anti-dramatic.. and left her in the background.
        I remember liking Scarlet cause she is still mysterious to me but I am sure I could be disappointed if I knew more of her.. We need an interview of Vero to be sure!

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        I’ve often used the phrase “one of those girls you find really attractive….and then she opens her mouth and ruins it all” to describe the disappointment of finding out a girl you like is actually void of all personality and/or kind of an idiot. I don’t think Vero The Coolest Cucumber fits into this category, but I kind of like that IFC hasn’t given us enough to know for sure. I’d like her to remain a mystery and I’ll continue to admire her photos accordingly.

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        In episode 4, when Lauren meets the Hunter Valentine girls, there is that scene with Laura and Kiyomi trying to hook up with Lauren and Vero is left in the background again and I was like OMG! How can that even be possible??!! Who will pick Kiyomi or Laura if Vero is sitting at the same table?! That was unbelievable that not even once Lauren looked at her.. Maybe she is truly asking to be left out of those dramas and IFC only wanna focus on that so we don’t get much of Vero.

  19. Thumb up 5

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    Was it just my impression or when Amanda and Kyomi were fighting it looked like they both (especially Amanda I think) were about to burst into laugh? I don’t know it looked like kinda fake to me.

    Anyway even showing the footage of Sara and Romi fighting (which definetely looked more real at least) didn’t really make sense because honestly they were talking about facts we don’t even know. I felt it was unnecessary.

    I don’t understand why Lauren would choose Kyomi over Laura which looks way more fun. But maybe it’s just me.

    Now let’s all have a contemplation moment on how Vero is hot and intelligent and has a sexy voice. And on how the show should show her more. Or they should only show her. In the pose of the first picture!

  20. Thumb up 5

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    lmao that indeed IS tucky williams with vero (sidenote: vero is capital HOT!) and also the very one who was kissing laura.

    oh lesbians, small world, eh.

  21. Thumb up 5

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    “I love hotels and 95% of the time would rather be drinking/laughing/smoking with my friends in a hotel room, rolling around on sheets we’re not responsible for laundering, than be outside in the sticky-sweaty sunshine with People Who Enjoy Socializing.”

    This is also me on any vacation.

  22. Thumb up 10

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    “look this is neat and stuff, but sarah croce is standing behind me right now and i think i’m gonna go hit that”

    oh look my inner monologue has found its way into a Real L Word recap.

  23. Thumb up 5

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    After seeing this Ep, I know I made the right decision to avoid Dinah. I went once when I lived out west and I couldn’t understand the hype. The parties were in run-down hotel ballrooms, where I’d expect to see a bad high school prom. The pool party was just nasty. Even the private parties were lame. The nicest thing about it was the drive from LA and back. I’m not a prude either. I’ve been to way better parties in NY, LA, Ptown and Montreal. Vagina Shore is a one time only deal. (the DEB comments coming in 3-2-1…)

  24. Thumb up 8

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    okay, is there a distinction between a celesbian who’s a famous lesbian and a celesbian who’s famous FOR being a lesbian (the former being someone like Maddow and the latter being someone like Whitney)? just wanna know.
    also, if your goal through these recaps was for me to develop an incredible celesbicrush (that’s a thing now) on Vero, then congratulations, for you have succeeded.

  25. Thumb up 1

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    So much awesome in this recap I don’t even know where to start.

    –captions are gold

    –I am still scarred by that damn fridge episode

    –five months? they lost her at five months? that made my heart implode. poor ladies.

    –I will never be tempted to watch this show because I can tell the recaps are a million times better than the actual episodes. GOD’S WORK. YOU ARE DOING GOD’S WORK.

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      Yes! What’s with that?! Also, that girl was already wearing a mic when she ‘spontaneously’ hit on Lauren in NYC.. Something is weird there and I shouldn’t even care but I am getting very curious about how much manipulation is on the show.
      In the same register, I absolutely agree with Amanda & Kyiomi fight looking totally scripted.

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        Well Sweat Headband is clearly Ilene’s new girlfriend, so expect a new theme song next season

        and you know what else gets me about that Kiyomi/Amanda fight? Amanda has snark for days, if she and Kiyomi really didn’t get along that would have turned out so much worse. She could barely keep a straight face

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    Ok, so I usually first read the recap and then watch the episode. This time I did it the other way round. Wasn’t as funny, then I realized something was missing! Now reading this I am LMAO so thank you Riese!
    let’s go for parts:
    1- starting with this picture of Vero is not only distracting but also no good for my sanity. My my, that girl!
    2- What the f*ck Romi Klinger? I used to like her a lot on the other seasons but now she’s so self absorbed! And yes, I think Withney and Sarahara etc are giving her a bad time but please!
    3- I wasn’t a big fan of Kyomi but now seeing her head over heels for Lauren is so cute I can’t help but liking her a little bit.
    4- Ali spying behind a curtain, man this girl is creepy!. And yes, she totally is THAT girl.
    5- Any inclusion of Alex Vega or Sarah Croce in a recap is to thank for

    …6!- Can we have a recap for Somer Fridays? don’t know if you’ve seen it but the girl is hilarious! As Sarahara would say: Somer is fun, Riese is fun. Put them together and…

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    Love your recaps. You are a comedic genious. I am so glad you put that picture of Vero up. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one that considered her the hottest woman on the entire show.

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    oh my god kiyomi and lauren as a couple are so physically beautiful. They are like.. the epitome of femme and butch. ar I can’t get over it. Also, lauren has amazing boobs. I actually watched this episode instead of reading recaps just for them.

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    romi is pretty but what the hell is up with her blush? does she just say “screw it” and rub her entire face in it? is she taking makeup inspiration from clowns? as for chewbacca eyebrows( also known as saaddaa) and whitney: yes romi is unstable, dramatic, and crazy, but so are they! all THREE of them need to take a look in the mirror and realize they are exhibiting all the atrocious behavior they insist on calling other people out for. and as cray as romi is, whitney and chewie standing with a group of (supposed) adults talking shit about her MORE THEN ONCE made them look like completely juvenile, bullying assholes. kiyomi is an ass. the end. while ali is not remotely approaching cute and is kind of needy, kiyomi should have told her what went down during dinah so she wouldn’t have come all the way to l.a. like an idiot text fighting and being the only one at the photoshoot who didn’t know kiyomi hooked up with lauren all weekend. all i can think of is how isolated ali must have felt in that situation. again, kiyomi is a world class asshole. i’m not, nor will i ever be impressed by lauren and her dishwater pink hair. did she dye her hair with kool aide in the kitchen sink?….these people are vapid and annoying.

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    Romi should leave the Real L Word and have a quiet life. She should give up trying to be a pop star. Her singing is terrible. I also feel that Romi is not a strong person. She could crack any minute now. Plus the show has run its course. It is not as much fun watching as it used to be. My two cents.

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