Romi's going to the same set they shot Mikey's House of Fashionweek at only this time it's called Showroom L.A. She's got a job interview!
He offers Romi a full-time job as a sales rep which'll include an upcoming trip to a trade show (so exciting! (??)) in Las Vegas and Romi snatches it up eagerly and quits Marc Jacobs.
Romi grew up well-off and so she wants a job where she can be that well off again and never have to eat GM foods.
Romi: "I grew up with a certain lifestyle. We had money, my stepmom made a really good living but once I was on my own -- I just really struggled. So now I just want a career that I work really really hard for, that gives me the life that I know."
Basically, like this:
Cori and Kacy are sitting on the g-ddamn couch again, talking about sperm. What if she doesn't get pregnant on the first time? The doctor is going to use up all the sperm trying to get Cori pregnant! Kacy says it was nice to see a doctor and learn about their options but it'd probs be easier to have her just lie on her bed and stick her legs in the air like Sharon Stone did in the movie.
Every week at 10:22, Marni asks me what time it is. That's 'cause that's when this show starts to feel about 38 minutes too long.
So they're gonna get Cori hypnotized into quitting smoking, probably to fulfill everyone's requirement for "professional help" this week.
Claire's on a mission to show Barb a "good time" by taking her to a party to meet a bunch of douchebags. "Is it called PYT," Barb asks with the unenthusiastic drone of a person who's seen all of PYT's 4,567 photographs on Facebook and feels like she's too cool for school. Why yes, Barb. Yes it is. (Sidenote: We love PYT for real though, they threw us a birthday party!)
Meanwhile Romi's concerned that tonight, the Law of What Usually Happens will once again trample The Law of What We Wish Life Could Be.
I always admire people capable of partying without drinking. But the piano has been drinking. Romi sucks away on what I hope is a marijuana lollipop as Kelsey lollygags.
But really the focus of this particular PYT party is Claire and THE FIGHT -- a fight as empty as the brains of the woman who created this show. A bizarre, probably staged fight between Claire and "Chas." Chas is a friend of Whitney's.
Claire says she's going to the party because:
Claire: "I felt like I wanted to get to know them and talk about the website I'm gonna create."
So anyhow, the fight.
Chas ignites Claire's brain and heart afire with an insult that comes from so far left field it needs a new word for left.
Chas: "Is that the biggest deb you have ever seen? I know you were the big deb that moved here from New York."
What does Deb mean? Whitney's got it:
Whitney: "A deb is like -- I mean "deb" didn't necessarily come from Debbie Downer, but it's kinda like what it means. It's like -- you're a deb, you're like womp WOMP. Like a little one step off. Is Claire a Deb? I'm not gonna lie, she did rub me the wrong way initially."
The battle of wits continues, with both girls really clearly communicating their emotional turmoil:
Chas: "You can suck my dick."
Claire: "Yeah, you can fucking suck mine too, you ugly bitch. Don't fucking talk shit -- stop talking shit about me girl -- Seriously."
What next? Evolution or Creationism?
Chas: "I will fuck you up."
Claire: "You don't even know me. You're so fucking ugly."
Chas: "I'm so ugly? I'm sorry, I got more pussy than you."
Claire: "Oh fuck, you never fucked more pussy than me."
Francine: "Oh my God, why."
Claire explains that the girls she has fucked are hotter than the girls Chas has fucked. I'm glad we've gotten that out of the way. Chas exclaims that Claire quit her job "to be a deb."
"Get a fucking real life," Claire yells at Chas. You know, a real life, like the one Claire has. You see these cameras? They're from THE REAL L WORD. It doesn't get any realer than that, motherfuckers!
Claire: "I'm gonna go, this is enough. I'm not about to be attacked by non-attractive women."
Claire sends Francine to punch Chas in the face, but Francine's a lover, not a fighter, and Claire is really mad when Francine returns to report that she did not punch Chas in the face.
Everyone says Claire's "too cool for school" but Claire doesn't know why anyone would think she's "too cool for school." She went to college, duh.
Claire leaves with her friends Mila and Barb, still a bit ruffled about her spat with Chas:
Claire: "I'm going back to New York because seriously, everybody's like, pathetic and Francine's a bitch."
Milla: "You know what?"
Milla: "No, nothing. Go back to New York. Everyone's pathetic."
Somehow Milla sounds exactly like Gloria Delgado with that last line. Oh, Francine has some parting words:
Francine: "Its not my fault that people hate you."
It's really just unbelievably lame to bring up physical appearance in a fight! I know people do it all the time but I never do and have never wanted to. It's a cheap shot, it's pointless (you can't change how you look, so it's irrelevant to a productive argument) and sometimes it sticks with people for their whole lives.
So for Claire and Chas to go there -- it's disappointing.
Romi and Kelsey come home from the party and scream at each other. Well, Romi screams, Kelsey sticks to that low octave dry-humor voice.
The takeaway from this scene is that Romi is really fucking cranky.
Back to the nonstop excitement of a happy couple planning a wedding!
Wait sorry. Wrong season! Back to the nonstop excitement of a happy couple planning a pregnancy, and talking about sperm.
Me: "No matter which character it goes to, I'm like UGH. NOT THEM!"
Marni: "Each new scene is a fresh hell."
Kacy & Cori, out of desperation or because instructed to do so by show producers, have turned to hypnosis to cease Cori's smoking and they're both sort of tentatively optimistic about it. Maybe Walgreens was out of Nicorette, this seems a bit over the top.
Her only hope is THE POWER OF THE CLAM:
Marni: "I think this would be a good time for me to go have a cigarette."
[leaves to go have a cigarette]
Meanwhile, at the Apartment of Perpetual Discontent, Kelsey's got an air-tight plan to inspire Romi to laugh and/or smile -- she's gonna quit drinking! They can like, play Apples to Apples and make Fimo Jewelry and stuff. Together!
Romi, who's truly and admirably giving sobriety her all -- and let's face it, sobriety makes you a smug, irritable motherfucker sometimes -- is pissed. Why? Unclear, but if we asked ourselves this about any fight on this show, well, there'd be a lot of pregnant pauses. Something's gotta get pregnant on this show. HEY-o!
Kelsey should be like, "Okay, let's start this scene over" and come in saying different things like, "I'll make you chicken à la king" or "I'm gonna cut down to three beers a day" or "I got a job at Pacific Sunwear!" and see which, if any, inspires a positive reaction.
Kelsey's really sad, Romi's really irritable and needs a target for her aggression, and Kelsey wants to work on things, not just run. "I don't wanna run and she doesn't wanna run," Kelsey says. Romi prefers jogging, we all know that.
Romi: "I felt like I was holding you back. And if I'm holding you back Kelsey, you are gonna look at me one day and you are gonna fucking hate me and you're gonna look back and be like, look, I could've had fun, I coulda drank, I could've gone and learned this all on my own, not stress about a career or stress about getting money."
Romi doesn't wanna be someone's Mom, she wants to be someone's girlfriend. Ideally she'd like this girlfriend to have, in turn, a private chef.
Claire's been hit in the head by a dead bird and forgot what happened last night, I think, 'cause she describes last night as being totally FUN until Francine ruined it by not punching Chas in the face.
Claire's delighted however, 'cause she's just successfully played the "woe is me" card to get Vivian's interest back in her pants.
I can't wrap my head around this character. They're making her a douchebag, but to what end and from where? What motivates her so-easily-summoned anger? Where's that ego from? She certainly doesn't/hasn't lived her entire life as nonstop 150% Selfish Bitch, which would make her a funny/evil person like True Blood's Eric or even Pam -- who is she supposed to be? Coincidentally, I'm also unclear on who killed Jenny.