Well, it’s Thursday, July 12th, the day I’ve been dreading since the moment I heard that The Real L Word would premiere on Thursday, July 12th. If you’re just tuning in, here’s the gist: I hate this show (and reality TV in general) but unfortunately am apparently quite adept at recapping it and because said recaps garner ‘mad hits’ for this website, I persevere.
However, recapping The Real L Word requires massive doses of mind-altering substances. One of those substances is alcohol. I’m tempted to make a Real L Word Drinking Game that advises you to drink excessively if you plan on watching The Real L Word, but when I did that for Glee, I ended up drinking so much that I had to not drink again for another two weeks.
I also considered Brittani’s suggestion of “drink every time you see a black person,” but I don’t feel like that would get you drunk enough to watch this show.
So, here’s the game! Add your suggestions in the comments.
REAL L WORD SEASON THREE DRINKING GAME
+ Cast member declares that they are in love
+ More than two of Whitney’s ex-girlfriends are in the same room/scene
+ Anyone has sex in the shower or other body of water
+ Every incident of “Whitney Self-Inquiry” (e.g., “Will I hook up with Sara? Maybe.” “Do I have feelings for bananas? I do.” “Do I even fucking care anymore? No I don’t fucking care.”)
+ Camera equipment or camerapeople are visible onscreen
+ A cast member’s friends nod in apathy as the cast member dishes out exposition in their direction that’s supposed to masquerade as an actual conversation
+ The “east coast / west coast” “rivalry” is mentioned or a cast member discusses the differences between the two cities.
+ Any appearance by former Real L Word cast members
+ Any appearance by an Autostraddle-associated human
+ Cast members engage in extensive shit-talking about Romi
+ Kiyomi’s girlfriend or Whitney’s girlfriend registers a complaint regarding the amount of time/attention she has been given that evening
+ Anyone references or engages in sex with a dude
+ Anybody is wearing earrings you could fit your fist through
+ Kacy & Cori are in a scene that does not take place on their couch, at a restaurant or at the doctor’s office.
+ A member of Hunter Valentine says “tour”
+ There’s a shot of Romi’s bare breasts
+ Kacy & Cori’s cat makes an appearance
+ Blatant product placement (including bars & parties)
+ Hunter Valentine song appears in a scene that Hunter Valentine isn’t in
+ Somer is late for something
+ The entire cast is in the same room / at the same event
+ Somebody cheats on their significant other
+ Somer is on time for something
+ Somer quits or is kicked out of Hunter Valentine
+ Alyssa talks about herself in an interview
+ The show inspires you to cry real tears
+ LA FASHION WEEK