Aria heads over to Ezra’s Annex where Wesleywolf is packing up all three of his worldly possessions. Looks like his mother is hot on his trail and he’s gotta pack up all his belongings into a rucksack and git. Aria kinda sorta wants him to stick around, but he insists he has a friend in Philly he’s meeting up with.
RE: THE PERSON WHO FORCED HER TO WEAR THAT OUTFIT
Aria gets a call from Cece begging her to photograph some stuff over at her shop. I guess Cece needs a new website and Aria is the only photographer she’s ever met. Aria gets a sneaky smile on her face and offers to come as long as she can bring an assistant. Insert Aria and Wesleywolf making mooneyes at each other.
YES? YES MY REFRIGERATOR IS RUNNING!
Back at Hanna’s, Caleb is fucking pissed. Oh did I say “pissed”? I meant “in need of some serious emotional processing.” So. Much. Processing. He thinks Hanna totally crossed a line by tracking down his dad. You know, completely unlike when he and Paige tried to track down Mona.
I JUST WISH YOU HAD AS MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT FOR ME AS I DO FOR YOU
Unfortuantely, Hanna has already booked the big Daddy Date with Jamie. Caleb angrily tells Hanna she can go meet Jamie alone and then storms out to go upgrade his fixy.
AND ANOTHER THING, IT REALLY HURTS ME THAT YOU ALWAYS USE UP ALL THE PEPPERMINT TEA WITHOUT REPLACING IT. SOMETIMES I THINK I’M THE ONLY ONE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
At Rosewood High, Jason is lurking in a classroom. Does he work here now? I think I missed that. Wait. I remember him vaguely running some group for many of Rosewood’s At Risk Youth. Maybe that’s what’s going on.
IMAGINARY FRIEND SUPPORT GROUP
Emily meets up with him and tries to un-tell him that that Wilden maybe knocked up Ali. Jason isn’t as dumb as he looks and has already called Wilden. I want to know what that phone call sounded like. “Hey Detective Wilden, this is Jason calling. Um. I was just wondering if you knocked up my dead sister. So. Um. Call me back when you get the chance.”
HI, I’M HERE FOR THE PSA POSTER MAKING WORKSHOP? ARE THESE ONES UP FOR INSPIRATION?
Emily lets the beans spill that Cece was the one who said Ali was pregnant. Somehow this leads to Jason proposing the two of them drive to his dad’s house and find some old picture of Ali on a boat.
WAIT A MINUTE, DID YOU JUST SAY ON A MOTHERFUCKING BOAT?
At the Hasting’s, Spencer is practicing her telekinesis on fruit!
THESE BANANAS REMIND ME SO MUCH OF TOBY
The parents are out of town and Melissa is baby-sitting! Remember when she was pregnant and crazy?
DON’T STARE TOO HARD A THOSE BANANAS, YOUR FACE WILL STICK THAT WAY
Well she gets a slight dose of that again when Wren shows up. By which I mean she dances her way the hell out of there.
SO COME ON, COME ON, DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME.
Turns out Mona told Wren that Spencer was in need of help. This is actually, probably definitely true. Either way, the second Spencer hears Mona is involved she gets that Scooby-Doo look in her eye and you just know she’s got a nifty plan. Wren plays the part of the dumbfounded psychiatrist who, as I like to point out again and again, is at least 30 if he’s already done with his residency.
YOUR OBSESSION WITH THESE BANANAS HAS GOT TO STOP. IT JUST HAS TO. THIS ISN’T HEALTHY.
Spencer suddenly declares that she simply must get some air in the country. She demands Wren take her out on a drive all the way to Ispwitch for dinner and a film festival. Wren, despite the fact that the idea of dating a high school student should revolt any grown man who is also a doctor, is pretty into it.
YOU WANNA PLAY STRIP TRIVA? OH, NOT YOUR SPEED? HOW ABOUT STRIP SCRABBLE? STRIP BOGGLE?
Hanna gets ready for her coffee with Caleb’s dad and, just when it looks like she’s going solo, Caleb shows up. He decides he wants to talk with his dad as long as they can pick up a few more cats on the way home. And maybe write in the dream journals together. And maybe watch a couple of episodes of Rizzoli & Isles.
THIS SHIT IS OUT OF CONTROL GAY
The two head to the Life Cafe but Jamie doesn’t show. Well. He shows up late. Late enough that Caleb seriously starts to regret buying his dad reconciliation Indigo Girls concert tickets. They talk I think but I’m way to distracted by Caleb’s weird looking hair. Is it possible that he made it more lesbian since the beginning of the episode? I’m also super distracted by Hanna’s adorable patterned collar. Also I don’t care about this plotline. Whoops.
NOW THAT YOU’RE HERE, CALEB AND I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE NEGOTIATE THE BOUNDARIES OF THIS THREESOME. YOU KNOW, SO EVERYONE FEELS COMFORTABLE.
Starsweep to Cece’s shop where Aria starts to get here Photography 101 on. Wesleywolf is obviously wolfing out of control over Aria while she explores the world through her camera. And maybe also her sexuality. Unclear. Cece is all, “Aria and Wolf-boy sitting in a tree…” To which Aria is all, “Shut up! I don’t even like him… do you think he likes me?!”
MY FASHION SECRET? WELL BASICALLY I JUST CHOOSE ITEMS THAT BEST REPRESENT WHAT A GIGANTIC GOTH PRESCHOOLER WOULD PUT TOGETHER.
Jason and Emily head over to Jason’s place, but weirdly his front steps are covered in whiskey bottles. And by weirdly I mean awesomely. Most awesomely ever. Jason, because maybe he’s a recovering alcoholic I think, starts pouring out all the booze. This seems wasteful.
BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER
Starsweep to Cece’s Little Shop of Horrors where the photo shoot marches on. Cece runs out to pick up some dinner while Aria and Wesley do what any high school students might do: flirt and drink Cece’s wine.
DOES THIS CUP MAKE A BELIEVABLE PIG SNOUT?
Wesleywolf tries to wolfout and show off how strong he is, but he just ends up spilling the bottle of wine. This is why high school students shouldn’t drink.
PARTY FOUL.
The two romantically try to mop up the wine. Okay, I’ll admit, it’s not that romantic. But if Paige and Emily were mopping up wine it would be way hotter.
HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU YOU’D BE, LIKE A REALLY CUTE BUTCH LESBIAN?
At the Marin’s, Hanna and Ashley rehash the big Caleb/Dad meet-up. Hanna points out that it was almost as good as queer lady speed dating at the Strand Bookstore. Ashley asks, “Don’t you think you might be projecting a little bit?” To which Hanna responded, “Project project project project.” Anyways Hanna talks her mom into asking her boyfriend Pastor Ted to hire Jamie to fix the church’s bell tower. Wait you mean the boyfriend we haven’t seen for like 20 episodes and the bell tower that broke at the end of season one? Bold move, Pretty Little Liars writing staff.
SOMEONE TOOK THE BOTTOM OF MY COAT SLEEVES!
Jason and Emily arrive at Jason’s dad’s place and start digging through old boxes. Emily gets on Jason’s case a bit about being BFFs with MonA. Jason admits he doesn’t seen MonA as a friend, he sees her as part of the Ali Death Puzzle. Jason finally digs up the picture of Ali and, low and behold, Ali is indeed on a boat. This is as real as it gets. She’s on a boat motherfuck don’t you EVER forget.
I’M RIDING ON A DOLPHIN, DOING FLIP AND SHIT, SPLISHY-SPLASHY, GETTING E’RYBODY ALL WET
Cece and Wilden are there too and everything gets real suspicious. Jason takes us on a pastel flashback to That Night Everything Happened and Ali Died (Maybe). Jason in his drunken state saw Cece and Melissa chatting it up. Confusingly, Cece is wearing the same style yellow shirt as Ali. Also Melissa was just coming outside as Byron left so I vote he actually just mistook Ali for Cece.
COULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE? WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO SCISSOR
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When are we going to find out that Ali was adopted and CeCe was the 12-year-old birth mother? And that CeCe actually had identical twins who were split up by the adoption agency?
That smoothie though…pregnancy cravings? Bleurgh
Personal experience has made me wary of elevators, so that bit was particularly harrowing.
I love that Riese sends out team emails re: PLL.
Also, the thing that bothered me more about the smoothie scene was how long she had the refrigerator open. Like she didn’t even close it before going to play strip trivia with Andrew. Seriously wasteful.
That severely bothered me too.
I Don’t Hate Men!!!
lol, but seriously, I don’t.
but Emily was so spot on about the monopoly on pain thing. Shes a life guru of hope and unicorns.
Why cant Ezbian happen right now. I miss my Ezbian feelings frenzy.
That smoothie was seriously grody. Why was it so bright?!
If Wren is British though, he could potentially be as young as 26 since they can go into med school from high school, no? Not really that much less creepy, just sayin’…
And as if Jason could pry all the elevator doors open with his bare hands. That was ridiculous.
Doesn’t anyone else question CeCe’s crazy involvement with everything?
This episode made me roll my eyes a lot. Spencer was fucking crazy, and Emily calling her out on her bullshit was the best thing about this episode. Caleb’s a bigger lesbian than Hanna, and that’s saying a lot. And Wren. Urgh. Just all the urgh.
great recap!