Hey Clone-Alones, welcome to the recap of the fourth episode of Orphan Black! So many people died and then came back to life this episode! It was just like The Walking Dead, only with characters I give a shit about.
We pick up right where we left off last week, with Sarah waking up from her horrendous car wreck. She sees Daniel unconscious, and grabs his gun. She is immediately joined by Cal, who decided that the best way to save Sarah was to smash his car into her car. Ugh Cal, THAT’S NOT HOW YOU SAVE PEOPLE.
A police car zooms past them, and Sarah grabs the gun. Luckily, the police car drives away, ignoring the massive accident and the girl with the hand gun. Sarah tells Cal they need to hide the car/Daniel’s dead body, so they start piling on some branches. Oh girl, no, there are better ways to hide a body.
Cal and Sarah make a hasty exit, and Cal demands to know what the fuck Sarah is up to. Sarah doesn’t want him to get involved, which is something she should have thought of before crashing his cabin.
Over in the kingdom of Prolethia, Hank is smoking a pipe and talking to Gracie. Gracie tells him that “it” is awake, and Hank reminds her that Helena is now part of the family. Gracie is not feeling it.
Inside the barn, Helena is waking up from her sedatives and wondering why she’s dressed as an Amish bride.
Hank comes in and tries to reassure Helena, but she shrinks from his touch. You know you’re creepy when Helena wants nothing to do with you.
Meanwhile, Alison wakes up looking like a hot mess. Her arm is in a sling, she’s puking, and she doesn’t know where she is. Basically, she looks like someone on day three of the Dinah.
A woman comes in and tells her to calm down. Alison is convinced she’s in some Dyad facility, but she’s actually in rehab.
Cal takes Sarah to another deserted cabin (how many cabins does this guy own?) where they meet up with Kira.
Cal loads everyone into a camper and they hit the road. Kira is pretty fucking psyched about the camper; I felt the same way when my folks bought one. Let me tell you, that excitement fades after your father accidently leaves you at a rest stop in Arizona. That’s not a joke, that’s a legit childhood story.
ANYWAYS, back at the Prolethian Farm, Art continues to spy and take photos. Hank and Bonnie discuss Helena and Gracie’s refusal to get on board Team Mom Clone.
In the camper, Cal is still trying to get the truth out of Sarah, but she’s not talking. She tells him that Daniel works for a big corporation, and Cal thinks she must be scamming them. Sarah also nicked Daniel’s phone, which she’s using to text Rachel as Daniel to keep her off their trail.
Okay, so here’s where this episode really takes off. Gracie brings fresh linens to Helena, and officially decides that she is done with this bullshit. Gracie takes a pillow and starts suffocating Helena!
I guess that’s the Christian thing to do? Gracie tells Helena to go back to Hell where she belongs, which is cold as ice. But then Helena pops back up and starts choking the shit out of Gracie. Helena can’t die, y’all! I’m starting to think this bitch has superpowers.
Helena makes a break for it and starts running through the farm to escape. After fighting her way through a room of cling wrap, Helena stumbles upon the room where Hank took her after the ceremony.
She starts flashing back to what happened: Hank drugged her and forcibly harvested her eggs. Helena screams, grabs a knife, and runs the fuck out of there. Bonnie finds an unconscious Gracie and hollers for Hank.
As the Prolethians saddle up to hunt down Helena, they are stopped by Art, who just saw Helena running by him through the field. Helena escapes.
At the Dyad Institute for Clone Boning, Cosima continues to watch Jenn’s video diaries and Skypes with Sarah while Cal and Kira make adorable origami outside.
Sarah shows Cosima the LEDA project photo, and Cosima starts telling her about the mythical story of Zeus and Leda. Basically, Zeus disguised himself as a swan, banged Leda, and she gave birth to demi-god twins. Cosima thinks it sounds like something engineered by the military.
More importantly, are the clones half-gods?! Do they have super powers?! When their powers align, can they summon Captain Planet?! I have so many questions, you guys.
Sarah tells Cosima she is coming back to town to get answers from Mrs. S, and Cosima is like, “that’s cool, I’ll just be here coughing up blood NBD.” Sarah asks Cal to keep an eye on Kira while she goes into town to shake down Mrs. S.
Mrs. S is hiding in Benjamin aka Creepy Old Man’s car and tells him about the bird watchers’ demise. She needs him to make her new papers to visit someone in London, but that someone is already here. His name is Carlton, and FYI he is not Will Smith’s uptight cousin.
Back at rehab, Alison is getting a tour and is grossed out by all the normals. She sees Felix and tells him she’s being held hostage. Felix tells her that’s not how rehab works and she can walk out whenever. After all, she willingly signed herself in, which Alison does not remember because of drugs and alcohol.
Felix tells her to treat it like a spa weekend and just relax, which we know is an impossibility for Alison. Felix also offers to take her out for brunch and mimosas when she’s sober, and Alison is like THAT’S NOT HOW REHAB WORKS. See, she’s already learning.
Sarah sets out for the city, but not before Kira gives her an origami angel to keep her safe.
Cal begs Sarah to tell him what corporation it is, and she tells him it’s Dyad. He remarks that she must have really gotten under their skin, and she’s like they literally got under my skin with needles/test tubes/illegal science.
Guess who isn’t dead? A very pissed off Daniel who climbs out of the wrecked car. Shyamalan twist!