NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Will Open Your Box

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Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ Rough sex can be just so much fun:

“Madison Young, sexpert, feminist, pornographer, and author of ‘Daddy: A Memoir’ notes that that there’s little point in subscribing to ‘societal expectations of how someone else thinks I should be having sex.’ Which is a good point. Certainly the realm of the erotic would be far more limited and boring if we all adhered to a prescribed set of sexual guidelines. Young continues:

‘Rough sex is not passive. It’s not accidental… it’s active, it’s engaged, it’s highly connected, it’s the worshipping of your partner’s body and all their fluids. It’s hot, raw, animal-like sex. It’s primal. To tear away all of those cerebral societal shrouds of shame that veil our sex negative culture and simply listen to our bodies and be fully present in the moment with our partner/s — well, that is quite an exhilarating and empowering experience.”

+ There is a gap between what people think turns women on and what actually does, according to a recent book:

“‘There is a real interesting phenomenon in women’s sexuality — not seen in men’s — and that is this divide between what erotica should be and what actually turns women on,’ Ogas told AlterNet. ‘Studies show that what turns women on is different to what they wish turned them on or how they politically feel about it. There is a paradox in the brain that women have to wrestle with. Men like what they like sexually. But with women, we see political manifestos embedded in their sexuality, with just as much emphasis on whether or not we’re discriminating on any particular gender or race. Whereas, for a man that just doesn’t occur.'”

+ If you can only come with a vibrator and want to try to come other ways too, sex therapist Dr. Lori Buckley has some advice:

The key is giving yourself ample time and space to explore your own unique body and discover — or remember — the nuances of what does and doesn’t feel good. (For this reason, you might want to do the bulk of the exploration alone.) And, don’t necessarily expect a quick climax while you’re experimenting. It takes some women much longer (30 minutes or more) to hit the big O when a vibrator’s not involved. […]

Once you’ve done some, er, sexploration, and you’ve started to feel more equipped to find new sources of non-battery-powered pleasure, you can try slowly adding a vibrator back into your routine. Buckley suggests using it to work yourself into ‘a state of arousal [with the vibe] and then use another way to orgasm.’ (For instance, try finishing off with manual or oral stimulation.)

And, if you still feel unable or uninterested in climaxing from anything other than a vibrator, don’t sweat it.”

Alissa Rae Ross via curiously-kinky-queer

Alissa Rae Ross via curiously-kinky-queer

+ Here is how to clean your Hitachi Magic Wand properly, and other answers to sex- and dirt-related questions:

“Never ever ever submerge it in water. Generally speaking, that’s the rule of thumb for motorized toys (some, however, are waterproof and obviously those are A-OK to submerge), where non-motorized toys can be submerged in water for cleaning purposes. Another general rule of thumb is never to clean any of your toys with anything you wouldn’t put in your body, which means things like bleach and hand sanitizer are out. And actually? Most of the time just good old soap and water is all you need.”

+ A lot of people lie when they sext, according to a study from Computers in Human Behavior:

“Of the 155 participants (average age just under 22), 109 reported they had sent a sexually explicit text message. Among that group, 48 percent admitted lying during sexting with a committed partner.

Specifically, 20 percent said they had lied about either what they were wearing or what they were doing, while 28 percent had lied about both. […]

When participants were asked why they lied during sexting with committed partners, two-thirds of those who provided a relevant response indicated that they did so to benefit their partner,’ the researchers report.”

Flora Kim via Russian Famous Models

Flora Kim via Russian Famous Models

+ Mainstream lesbian porn is uninspiring and queer porn is expensive, says this blog post:

“[W]hile many watched the free stuff occasionally, they seemed to be a pretty tough audience. Asked to explain what they found ‘unrealistic’ in mainstream porn, one answered that she liked watching scenes with scissoring but found any toy use unrealistic, while the next said she liked strap-ons and toys but thought scissoring had been created for a male audience. Other reported examples of unreality included performers being too rough, performers being too gentle, too much tongue kissing, and not enough kissing or foreplay.”

+ Mississippi will now have sex ed! It’s still not going to be very effective, though:

“The curricula adopted by the school district in Oxford called on students to unwrap a piece of chocolate, pass it around class and observe how dirty it became.

‘They’re using the Peppermint Pattie to show that a girl is no longer clean or valuable after she’s had sex — that she’s been used,’ said Barnard, who works in public health. ‘That shouldn’t be the lesson we send kids about sex.'”

+ Wisconsin has made revenge porn illegal.

+ Science can now grow vaginas.

Christy Turlington and Kara Young via The Beauty Model

Christy Turlington and Kara Young via The Beauty Model

+ Jiz Lee recapped the 2014 Feminist Porn Awards and conference.

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Emi Gennis discussed the history of the vibrator.

+ Your relationships will have challenges! Some of them may or may not include dating a co-worker, dating long-distance, going on dates, talking about things, not wallowing when you break up and more.

+ Chocolate dildos: these exist.

+ “Mainstream media” is talking about poly relationships more than ever:

“Our culture’s ideas about what’s a ‘conventional’ relationship has been expanding for decades in many ways: queer families have become more visible, people are more likely now than ever to live together now before marriage, and the age when people first get married has risen considerably. Younger people are approaching marriage and relationship structures as self-determined, flexible, and negotiable. As part of that shift, non-monogamy appears to have entered the public sphere as something we can casually discuss over breakfast. Suddenly polyamory trend pieces are everywhere. For example, since 2012, Slate has run 17 articles that address polyamory and Salon has run 38.”


 

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9 Comments

  1. Thumb up 10

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    “There is a real interesting phenomenon in women’s sexuality — not seen in men’s — and that is this divide between what erotica should be and what actually turns women on,’ Ogas told AlterNet. ‘Studies show that what turns women on is different to what they wish turned them on or how they politically feel about it. There is a paradox in the brain that women have to wrestle with. Men like what they like sexually. But with women, we see political manifestos embedded in their sexuality, with just as much emphasis on whether or not we’re discriminating on any particular gender or race. Whereas, for a man that just doesn’t occur.”

    This is so, so true. I’ve been struggling with that for the past few weeks, with the conflict between what I like (primal, rough, male-dominated sex – in the context of porn and of heterosexual sex) and what I believe in. But I also see no way of turning roles around, it’s not like me and my current partner (a man) have the same options regarding each other’s bodies. The range of sexual situations where I can be dominant seems pretty limited to me, whereas he gets to be dominant most of the time and in most positions, and with minimal kinkiness. There’s some real cognitive dissonance there and I still haven’t been able to deal with it.

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    Like ‘lesbian’ porn for straight men is gross, but equally a lot of queer porn is also something I’d never watch. Like its so politicized often it really strays away from what most people find attractive, like I’m all for representation of different body types, but seemingly masculine presenting women who are fit are in short supply (is that really mean? Probably.) Like so much fisting. Do people really do that much fisting?
    As well as that, representation of trans men is full on fetishizing and gross – bonus hole boys comes to mind

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    That article about what turns women on is really misleading and I’m a bit taken aback by the fact that this is featured here although it’s blatantly misogynistic…….

    The two male “researchers” only looked at statistics about what kind of porn women watch, they did not (for example) do a survey where they asked women to watch both feminist porn and conventional made-for-men porn and compare the two. Because of the small fraction of women who do watch porn, most of them watch the made-for-men kind, they concluded that women are turned on by that kind of porn more than by feminist porn. They then went on to claim that because of this, feminist political ideas somehow go against women’s “natural” sexual desires. This is all RIDICULOUS.

    There are a lot of reasons why women watch certain kinds of porn and probably the most significant of them is that feminist porn remains pretty hard to get hold of and a lot, if not most, women simply don’t know that it exists. The idea that it’s “natural” for women to act a certain way during sex and the even grosser idea that men should liberate ~frigid~ feminists from their “unnatural” political feminist ideas through violent sex are both very deeply rooted in the patriarchy and we should be very sceptical of “scientists” who claim that they’re true.

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      Ogas and Gaddam have been pretty infamous in fanfiction-writing circles ever since they tried to conduct a study of fandom porn habits in 2012. Essentially, the people they were trying to study felt like they weren’t really interested in listening to fangirls talk about why they liked the porn they liked, but already had their conclusion about female desire settled in advance and were just looking for confirmation.

      One of the things that’s most frustrating about these studies is that they set up a dichotomy of “feminist porn” with patriarchal, male-aimed, usually maledom/femsub, porn and then ignore anything women consume that doesn’t fit into that neat little dichotomy. Where does gay male porn fit in? Where does slash/yaoi fit in? If you’re a woman who doesn’t really get off to the very narrow genres of feminist porn (or can’t afford it), you’re pretty much stuck consuming things that weren’t made for you, or that you and like-minded women can afford to produce on the cheap, like erotica, fanfiction, and fanart.

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    That’s the worst thing about sex ed in my opinion, especially the Christian abstinence kind that I grew up hearing: boys can’t help themselves because penises control them so OF COURSE they’ll have sex indiscriminately but one little sexual encounter (always the girl’s fault) and she’s gross and damaged physically/emotionally/psychology/spiritually forever and no one will want her.
    I mean, even the non-Christian girls that I encountered my freshman year of college had this mindset that if they had slept with more than one person than they were a slut and damaged or something and no “good guy” would want them because they were “used.”
    It’s hard to repair that.

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