Feature image of Alena Blohm by photographer Olivia Malone.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Not sure how to initiate sex? Try being a tease, being sentimental, helping them relax, being playful and giving them a compliment:
“The best way to make your initiation feel more personal is to tell your partner exactly why you want them in that moment. Say something like, ‘Your ass looks so incredible in those pants. I want to get my hands all over it,’ I can’t control myself when I see you stepping out of the shower,’ or, I can’t believe how lucky I am to get to look at you every day.’ If your partner is sensitive to feeling like you want sex just to get off, tell your partner why you’re wanting to connect with them in that moment. For example, ‘I love how close I feel to you when we’re in bed together.'”
+ I’m still so into “How to Make Me Come.”
Denise Bidot by Heather Hazzan via girlz with curves
+ I’m not enthralled by the idea of medicalizing or problematizing women’s lack of orgasms (or getting them to sign up for expensive classes related to them) unless that is how you prefer to address your own self and body, and this article has a few terrible lines in it, but I’m on board with the idea that acknowledging bodily desires — related to sex, or anything else — leads to happiness.
+ Dry humping: the Lucky Charms to your avocado toast and bloody mary or a regular menu item you should remember about sometimes?:
“But the best reason to consider adding dry humping back into your repertoire is simply that it feels good. Rubbing against another person and feeling their desire build is hot. Dry humping works particularly well for women, especially those who incorporate firm pressure or grinding into their masturbation routines. Ladies, if you used to masturbate as a child by climbing jungle gym poles or ropes, by rubbing yourself on the edge of a desk or mattress, or by humping hard objects like a remote control, there’s a high likelihood you can orgasm from dry humping.”
freak mighty via rodeoh
+ In her new book Love Not Given Lightly: Profiles from the Edge of Sex, QueerPorn.tv cofounder Tina Horn profiles queer sex workers in a way that highlights blips across human sexuality. In a review on Lambda Literary, Sara Rauch writes:
“These profiles, which, written by anyone else would certainly lose their je ne sais qoui, stand as a sort of subversion of voyeurism—for a set of people so used to revealing and reveling in their physically intimate selves, Horn’s words delve into a deeper, more interior, and possibly more vulnerable, layer. They are love stories, after all, and vulnerability is an important component to any love affair.”
Liu Wen by Dusan Reljin via womenofcolor
+ Vanilla sex can be hot too:
“The name ‘vanilla’ implies middle-of-the-road, but the reality is that that’s impossible to define for any one person, especially when it comes to sex. If you love missionary does that mean your sex life is doomed to the doldrums? What about if you aren’t into bondage? Or butt plugs? Just because you do not enjoy tying someone up, spanking them or what have you, does not mean that your sex life is somehow less fulfilling or worthwhile than anyone else’s. Whether you identify as vanilla or kinky, embrace it, respect it and, most importantly, enjoy it. The point of great sex isn’t about what you don’t enjoy, but what you do. Plus, if you dig a bit deeper into that vanilla metaphor, you might say that while vanilla is a common flavor, it’s still one that’s beautiful, complex and highly prized.”
+ From the Autostraddle Lesbian Sex Archives: “13 Ways to Make Your Long-Distance Relationship The Most Awesome Part of Your Life“:
“I was in a long distance relationship for several years, so I know that staying connected to your huggle bear can be hard. You want to touch them, smell them and, if you’re me, bite their ear. Why don’t the forces of geography and physics rally to both your cries and fold the world up like origami until the front doors of your homes kiss?”
Ramona Fouziah Nanyombi via primary elements
All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
Yay, always a great way to start a Sunday! Thanks for the article.. and I love dry humping but sometimes feel like a minority loving it haha. but I’ve def used mattress corners to masturbate haha..
Also I had a couple sexy paintings done while playing with a babe last night; I wanted to contribute them to the conversation? I wanna share cause I love them but haven’t decided if posting on Instagram is too much or not haha, so this thread feels like a great place to share.
Those paintings are beautiful.
Sam, in my view, one of the great pleasures of being a lesbian, as well as one of the great responsibilities, is inspiring other women to have sex with one another. If you believe that your paintings can do that, than you should show them to the world, and you can take pride in the knowledge that you have done something to liven up two women’s Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Bless you!
oh, maybe I wasn’t clear. I didn’t paint it; I am one of the girls portrayed in the painting. That’s why maybe it feels a little personal to post on Instagram haha (also cause it’s not like I am dating the other girl, it was just a fun night haha)
Ah, I see. Well, it’s a good thing to display art just as it is to create it, so thanks!
WOAH I LOVE THEM!!
thank you! she did a great job
Hey Autostraddle! Just a heads up — I think there may be a wrong link at the very beginning for the feature image. Love and Lemons is a food blog, but I think this is the right one for the photographer! http://oliviamalone.com/for-love-and-lemons-skivvies
I think the same goes for rodeoh’s Tumblr, I tried the link and it was broken.
so, i was excited about the LDR article, which i didn’t see when it was first published, since i’m currently in a LDR. however, there is a link in the article to a set of post cards with a transmisogynist title (i.e. “Why Is Daddy in a Dress?”). i thought it was disappointing that your site would promote something like that, but i guess the hurtful (and violence-linked) “man in a dress” trope is just zany fun for “big goofs” or something?
+1
Yikes!
Trans women are not incapable of transmisogyny; we’ve internalized it all our lives and have to work through it just like anyone else. That being the case, my question for you is: so what?
Great roundup Carolyn! Thanks!
I loved this! The pictures this week are amazing. Also, thank you for sharing that long distance relationship piece.
How did you put this together while getting married? Mazel tov!
“‘I can’t control myself…”
Seriously?! I can’t believe you quoted that. This is rape culture!
This kind of problematic stuff seems to have gotten worse over the past year. I’m almost to the point of just not coming back to the site.
Did you read the whole article?
I read it and I agree with Elisabeth. The rhetoric around control is super worrying. Maybe if it were mores specific (both to when this happened – not as a general rule of any time you get out of the shower – and to what act/s/feelings it promted) ” [that time when I saw you getting out of the shwer] I couldn’t help but get wet / had to go mb8 / really wanted to fuck you”?
Are YOU serious? Have you never said that to a partner – someone who trusts you implicitly, and vice versa? Yes, we are all extremely aware of what is and isn’t sex without consent, but, surely, there comes a point where we have to stop getting so OVERLY P.C about certain terms of phrase or terminologies. I’ve certainly said this to a partner, but that doesn’t mean that i’d act against their wishes, and the same in return. I understand that many have had such phrases used in situations which were horrific and out of their control, but come on, you can’t pick on every single turn of wording and say that it’s derivative of ‘rape culture’…
In a consensual context, I’ve both used the phrase and heard it, and yet I can’t help but agree with Elisabeth that, stripped of its setting and context, the sentence feels wierd, kinda disturbing, and well, triggering.
It kind of feels like the phrase ‘I hit my partner’, which is fine in a BDSM autobiography where the reader already knows there’s consent, and disturbing if quoted alone.
Interesting thing about shoulder holsters and bras; The way bras with underwire, cups and the like push the breasts forward and up make it easier to access what’s in the holsters, compared to the way ye old sports bra battens down and spreads em out.
Wow look at that I formed coherent thought and sentences, didn’t think I could.
But I did.
Now if I could get my jaw off the table and go do my course work that’d be great…
I love the “How to Ask Your Partner for Sex” article because I have a newish activity partner who is very very very shy about initiating, and my initiation is always SOOO awkward because that’s not usually the role i play, but this is so helpful. i’m gonna be so suave tonight.
Oh good lord, the motorcycle picture. There’s just something about a badass, am I right ladies?! Or maybe it’s just me…
Nothing wrong with vanilla sex, but trying new things is oh so fun.
Speaking as an extremely dysphoric trans woman, dry humping is basically the best thing.