NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Gets Kicked Out of the Hot Tub

I have not written a NSFW Sunday. We have this queer porn star who was supposed to write something but hasn’t turned it in yet. I really like Laneia’s post about cashews and feel like maybe you should just read that instead of having sex.

Or you could masturbate, like other Americans. This is how America masturbates. One thing you can learn from that article is that Americans masturbate a lot.

I almost want to dedicate this entire post to debating the relative hotness of the opening sex scene of Lip Service (Frankie/Shane and the model, in the studio) and the closing sex scene of Lip Service (Frankie/Shane aggressively shoving pretty much her entire body into some chick’s vadge as though there’s something lodged in the girl’s throat that needs to be pulled out through her vaginal canal.) IDK. Lesbians these days.

Here’s a photograph:

OPEN LETTER TO THE INTERNET:

You know what annoys me? How these websites that focus on gathering all the sex news in the world and throwing it up somewhere always manage to include gay stuff that has nothing to do with sex. What does DADT have to do with anything discussed on World Sex News Daily? Like vibrator, viagra, masturbation, two penises, sexy drama, escort/pimp situation, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

Look people, these are the stories I have to work with when we put this shit together for you:

A Louisville man is facing public intoxication charges after police said they found him walking down South Third Street with an 18-inch sex toy in his pants.

That’s it, that’s the only example I need. Guess the rest. Wait sorry, one more:

Why women like to cuddle after sex: A new study confirms that women like to cuddle after sex, whereas men like to drink, smoke, or do it again.

To be honest I don’t know what that means for you people. Anyhow wanna get laid? Here’s some Halloween costumes guaranteed to get you laid or your money back.

ADVICE

Someone just asked me this on formspring, do you have advice for this person:

Yesterday I messed around with this girl who is bi but who hasn’t slept with anyone before. I didn’t get her off (altho it was through clothes) I have massive anxiety about being her first time. I don’t think i’m any good in bed. :(

I think you shouldn’t be anxious, and it takes time to feel confident in bed, and you don’t always get somebody off. Ladies?

Here’s another photo:

JIZ LEE

Wanna see a video staring our porncrush Jiz Lee? It’s not like a real porn, it’s just her talking and being Jiz Lee:

The message is that You are a Queer Porn Star (Yes YOU!).

ACTUAL ART

Here’s some art: Nue York is like actual art I swear. It’s a girl and she’s naked in places you don’t expect someone to be naked. The pictures are nice.

Here’s another nice photo by a real photographer whose name is Cortney Andrews:

SEXY TUMBLR ALERT

Here are all the girl-on-girl parts of a tumblr called “Glitter Muff.” That’s a funny name, right?

SEX LIVES OF PORN STARS

Has anyone ever wondered about the sex lives of porn stars? That’s not a rhetorical question. If you have, this Slate.com article exists to inform you.

DUKE FUCK LIST

Everyone’s been talking about the Duke Fuck List:

Duke is in an uproar about a highly detailed “fuck list” that a recent female graduate made — in PowerPoint, complete with penis-size evaluations and dirty talk transcripts. We’ve got that document, and spoke exclusively to the now-contrite author.

Unfortunately she doesn’t fuck any girls. Maybe there’ll be a copycat Power Pointer at Smith one day. This girl doesn’t go to Smith but maybe she does:

Here’s another photo that I like:

GIA

This is what happens if you have sex with Gia:

INFERNO

In closing, some words from Eileen Myles’ Inferno, which we are reading in our book club:

“There’s a moment in a woman’s life when she discovers she can have sex with as many people as she wants. Suddenly everyone is a potential partner. That’s when men get in the act which is why lesbianism isn’t really a thing it’s just this unbridled lust. It’s like god. If writers are the only people, I mean the last ones who have lives lesbians are the only people who have sex.”

Related:
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Party in my Pants is a username employed by various Autostraddle team members at various times for various reasons.

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27 Comments

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    in regards to that women cuddling myth, i have to say that just about every human likes the feeling of bare skin on bare skin, and so what if i like to prolong that feeling by cuddling because i like looking at your cute moles and my arms tired so lets not have sex but let me hold you and let my arm rest a little…

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    Hi,
    I am very excited to see that you featured my work here!
    But my name has been misspelled…it currently reads “Courtney Andrews” but my first name has no “u”.
    It should be “Cortney Andrews”.
    Thank you!
    Cortney

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    Even though this particular survey results are higher than most I’ve read about, I still think that if people stopped lying on masturbation questions, the percentages and frequency would be much higher. Even the prudest people I know have admitted to a little self-love every now and then. Who doesn’t masturbate?? I really want to know! Americans need to stop being so shy/scared and TALK about what they do. Maybe this is why I felt like I fit in better in Spain…thank grilled cheesus for NSFW sunday

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    To the advice-seeker: I think you probably are fine in bed, I also think it’s really hard to get someone off while she is wearing clothes though, I mean I would have a hard time (on either end). But it would still be fun! I bet she had fun too, and probably eventually you can both have sex without clothes on and it will be easier by then because a) there won’t be clothes in the way and b) every couple has to learn how to get good at having sex together I think, and it just takes time, especially if one of you has not had much sex before.

    P.S. Just because I’m responding to the one serious thing in this post doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate things like “This girl doesn’t go to Smith but maybe she does,” cos oh my gosh do I ever.

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    Found It interesting that you guys would link a website that explains away post coital cuddling etc with the great old theory that we do everything in order to reproduce. we’re lesbians, we don’t reproduce- at least not with eachother….yet.

    remember a couple weeks ago when on autostraddle there was that link to the book seeking to lay rid to the claim that we do everything inorder to breed. you know the one about how gay sex is the best…I’m still thinking about that shit obviously.

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    also, why link a page to a website that provides straight, porn and gay male porn but has no lesbian section and is clearly made with a male audience in mind? in refrence to the sexy halloween costumes.

    Just some thoughts…

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