✭ Special Announcement ✭


  • ThumbnailWelcome to the fourth recap of the sixth season of Glee, a lively sitcom about four extraterrestrials who are on an expedition to the inferior planet Earth, where they must pose as a human family in order to […]

    • y’all don’t even know how excited I am for next week

    • Pretty sure that “A Thousand Miles” took place in Once-More-With-Feeling Sunnydale, so there’s a very real chance that Sam and Rachel will catch on fire, and spontaneously combust.

      Fingers crossed.

    • Yey Bear City! I love that movie!

    • Veronica Mars reference FTW!

    • So… Will’s a douche, Rachel is apparently only into guys who are semi-jocks who have no desire to leave Lima and want to teach at the high school, as demonstrated by Finn and then only becoming attracted to Sam now, and yep, i can’t believe this is what they’re doing with the last season. On the up side, i spy Kitty in next week’s promo. She can…[Read more]

    • This episode was so dumb, but this recap was full of so many gems! You’re the Rumpelstiltskin of TV recappers!

    • Damn that Vanessa Carlton cover was shitty. I’m going to go listen to every VC song ever released to make up for it. Maybe throw some Michelle Branch in there for good measure.

    • I feel like Glee is best enjoyed if one watches it as a surrealist horror story.

      Also, I’m pretty sure ‘blouse’ has been part of gay slang since the 40’s.

    • A+ BNL reference. Have a Fruit Roll-Up!

    • a) I’m surprised that they would use titles that have a particular meaning within the Brittana fandom, AND NOT EVEN HAVE BRITTANA.

      b) Are you fucking serious? I hate it when Glee characters reference the fandom so blatantly. Sue shipping Klaine is one of the dumbest plots this show has ever produced.

      c) Sam’s one of the few good…[Read more]

    • That Sue rant about Will Schuester is possibly my favorite thing I have ever read about Glee. Thank you Riese!

  • ThumbnailWelcome to the fourth edition of Sunday Top Ten, a list of completely random and undoubtedly self-indulgent things that may or may not be published on a Sunday or number “ten.” This feature is a continuation of […]

  • HELLO and welcome to the 163rd installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Rones replied 2 days ago

      The lack of comments makes me sad. I hate the 0.

      The Donna Tartt article is quite the read, geeeeze.

      Also holy she is gorgeous.

      • thank you for this kindness, i also hate the zero!

        • and thank YOU for fixing the pic! it never works for me, what am i doing wrong?

          • not sure this will help with your posting images, but I had better luck once I started re-typing the code into the comment field myself, rather than just copy-pasting the code. We have now reached the end of my html knowledge. *flies away*

            • You actually only need to retype the quotation marks–something about the fonts on here makes them…wrong somehow? Some other lovely straddler figured this out and told me about it during my first Friday Open Gif Thread. Sweet Memorieees!

    • the Donna tartt one was great, I love reading about people’s childhoods.

      I’m hoping the zero was because everyone gets sucked into a reading vortex and forgets to come back, like I do every time. but thanks as always, riese.

    • A lot of these articles made my heart hurt this week. I can also add to the “get caught up in the articles and forget to comment” train.

      I love this column.

    • Same here… I figure there’s a way for yall to see how many page views and how many people click on the links… We have now reached the extent of my computer knowledge.

  • ThumbnailWe’ve been at this business of art for nearly six years, which means we’ve said a thing or two about a thing or two: like how to be a queer woman who meets, desires and romances women or otherwise-identified […]

    • But, like, who turns down Grace Ellis?

    • This is fantastic. It’s great to have them all in one place- there are a couple in here that are even hard to find with obsessive site searches.

      …I mean, not that I’ve done that or anything. I’ve just heard. From a friend. Yes. *ahem*

    • That article by Grace is to this day one of the most precious things on this website. As in Forever Intern Grace herself.

      • I came down here to the comments just to say how “Rejection 101″ is still, and will forever be, one of my fav articles on Autostraddle. And how it’s about more than dating, it’s about life, it’s cute and short and will hit you hard, everyone read it. Thankssss Grace.

    • I am contemplating handing this in the text time a teacher tells me to return my signed syllabus

    • This is basically everything I’ve ever needed to know in one place and it’s wonderful :’)

    • I now have 26 tabs open. Thank you.

    • *bookmarks*
      This is… everything I wish I had been taught. Thank you,
      sheltered, socially-awkward baby dyke

    • The Eldorado of Queer Girl Resources

    • If I could email my baby dyke self a link to this through a wormhole to 1999 I’d have had a very different life experience…and been able to answer the question of “is this sex”.
      So glad you guys are here for all of us now for all our complex questions.

    • This really is everything you wish you’d been told, then told again, then reminded of again, and again, and yes again again.

      However, by the time I finished reading it all, I’d disabled my okcupid and decided that it would be an awesome idea to live for a year or so without my head and my heart in a giant pneumatic press of some sort. So, it’s…[Read more]

    • OH GOD, THIS IS BRILLIANT. Thank you. I may actually go total nerd life on this and tackle 2 per week and give myself homework assignments (in tandem with Masters of Sex Cure of course)

    • The most helpful page ever! Thank you!

    • Thank everything holy and unholy for this entire page.

    • Any articles on how to find a fellow vegan lady loving lady who doesn’t want kids and just wants to travel the world? Too specific?

    • (Bear in mind I know nothing about dating, having never done it.)

      I’m in college. Is it okay to date one of your friends in your close four person friend group?

      Also, how long after said friend has broken up with long-term partner is it okay to ask friend out?

      • 1. yes

        2. i think that depends on the reason for why they broke up, your relationship with your friend, and your friend’s relationship with their ex. a lot of factors!

    • So… nothing about dating as a trans woman? Too depressing a topic I guess.

      • “Getting With Girls Like Us: A Radical Guide to Dating Trans Women for Cis Women, by Savannah Garmon.” is up there but sex doesn’t necessarily mean dating as many of us are aware.

        Are ya looking introducing my trans lady love to friends and family for ciswomen or something of the like?

        I hope I’m not doing something off colour here but my…[Read more]

      • No, I’m saying I’M a trans woman, and I was hoping there’d be something in here advising a trans woman, like me, on how to navigate the unholy minefield of dating women.

        • Hm all my brain can gather/remember is a personal essay on the pitfalls of said minefield.
          No guide. :(
          Can there be guide?
          Why is there no guide?
          Make guide happen someone.

        • 1. Have horrible anxiety
          2. Endure your date pretending they didn’t immediately become disinterested when they noticed you were trans and not like the sexy AFAB kind
          3. Drink to forget

          • Can #4 be rip their fickle heart from their fool chest, devour it, set the place on fire with your mind, then walk out like a hip swaying boss leaving no survivors in your wake only screams of the dying and ashes?

          • Nah. Step 4 is crying and posting bitter, miserly comments on AS articles that make the few people who give a shit apprehensive and vaguely sad and everyone else roll their eyes because ughhh, this isn’t about YOU people.

  • Welcome to You Need Help! Where you’ve got a problem and yo, we solve it. Or we at least try.

    Like every other young gay trying to stumble through the dating world, I’m making a horrible mess of a […]

    • Riese, good advice, as usual!

      One angle you didn’t seem to address (probably because Agnes did not specifically mention it, which is a good way to keep one’s advice relevant and manageable haha), but that made me curious – is Agnes interested in being friends with Millicent? I know I would find it very difficult if I was interested at one…[Read more]

    • Hep V is the perfect term.

    • I think this is the main point:

      “she agrees to stop lying to you about where she is, and you agree to react fairly and evenly when she does tell you the truth.”

      The two of you need to have a conversation where boundaries are laid out. Lying is never acceptable and you do need to be fair when given the truth.

    • The “I just won’t talk to her at all” line gives me the shudders.
      I am a huge fan of consensual banter because yeah its good to laugh at yourself if you’re being needlessly paranoid/jealous/worried. I’m sure everyone is from time to time in our tight knit complex (emphasis on the ex…and the fact she’s maybe your gf’s ex and your bff’s ex and…[Read more]

    • I read the blurb for this and snorted, thinking “how familiar”, followed by a look of sheer horror and, “Oh dear bloody God”. It would appear that I, ahem, am the aforementioned Agnes. I’d completely forgotten about this, it was a bit like reading a sad, angsty time capsule. Riese, your advice, as always, is fair, on point, and made me laugh.…[Read more]

      • What happened? Did things work out? X

      • OMG that’s hilarious!! We have this huge You Need Help document filled with every unanswered question from all of time, I was hoping this wouldn’t turn out to be a super-old one. How’d everything turn out for you?

        • Well, short term horrific, but long term valuable life experience. Good communication is paramount and we struggled to reach that point. Bearing in mind though, that there were a lot of other factors at play, mental health etc., which I feel had a pretty big impact. But we continued about another year or so after this was written and ended on…[Read more]

    • I think Riese’s advice is spot-on. And it sounds to me like something really is up here – the way Lenore is evading talking about Millicent is just too weird and is totally grinding away at the trust in the relationship. And trust as we all know is the absolute foundation of a happy relationship. It sounds likely that Lenore will get defensive if…[Read more]

    • You know what’s awkward?
      Having the hots for someone, being turned down by her and then realizing that your new Girlfriend not only slept with that someone but still hangs out with her…
      Rejection can make us feel of lesser value, and then, if someone else does get the thumbs up, you’re in “What does she have that I don’t?” land, and that’s bad…[Read more]

    • Reise how do you know about my past relationships and where were you when I needed this advice??!?

      Great words of wisdom here. Follow them Agnes! Or else risk spending another year and a half of this perpetual argument before going, “i quit!” Wait, that’s me again.

    • Only comment: I disagree with the consensual teasing, but maybe it works for Lenore & Agnes. Whenever I’ve teased a girlfriend about something like this, she gets piiiissed. But, I’m also single, so what do I know?

    • All reasonable. Also, I feel like it’s fair for you to ask for some kind of reassurance (this plays in my life by being like,”Girlfriend! Tell me I’m pretty!”) and accepting it- Lenore gets to hang out with Milicent, and you get to feel/want to feel supported/desired/other sutff in your relationship. Irrational paranoia I see as a function of…[Read more]

  • HELLO and welcome to the 162nd installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • My issue with Nicholas Sparks is that he is a copy and paste type of writer. All of his main characters are interchangeable. He writes a certain kind of white woman and a certain kind of white man. And they all live in a certain kind of small Southern town. The Notebook was good but I haven’t cared for many of his other stories because they all…[Read more]

    • i heard a statistic that ikea accounts for a third of the worlds wood consumption, some obscene number like that. I’m an environmental science major,ikea has me torn. i suspect i’ll be all in the feels about that article

    • I read a week or so ago, that Nicholas Sparks and his wife are getting a divorce. I wonder how that will impact the popularity of his books.

      • I saw that, too. He spoke at our library once (waaaay long ago, when he was new on the scene, i.e. cheap to bring in), and he made a HUGE deal of being the ultimate husband, etc. and told all sorts of I-love-my-wife stories. I know things change, but I’m giving that whole talk a side-eye now.*

        *attended as an employee

    • A friend of mine’s dad just died a few weeks ago. Upon reading about the “Dead Dad Club,” my first thought was that I should forward her the article.

      On second thought…better not. :P

    • There was no IKEA close by here until recently, so I’ve never had anything from there (it’s still nearly 2 hours away). Because my entire family (many generations) is collectively preparing to be on Hoarders, I only have two new pieces of furniture (do not read as “antique”– just read as “old”) that I didn’t scavenge from someone, so the whole…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailHello and welcome to the second recap of the sixth season of everybody’s favorite claymation movie-musical high-stakes gameshow horror thriller show, GleeI hope you enjoyed Heather Hogan’s recap of Episode 601! […]

    • I think Naya singing Problem is totes appropriate because Ariana Grande makes me so upset when I watch her perform. She always looks so unsure of where she’s supposed to be standing and is never 100% invested in the performance. It’s boring and lazy. Naya on the other hand is an expert performer.

      I stopped watching last season, but I will be…[Read more]

    • I still don’t understand how having an all male prep school is discriminatory or somehow morally wrong. There are gender selective prep schools all over the country.

      • yeah i didn’t understand that either! there’s nothing wrong with same-gender schools. also it didn’t make sense — if they let her into the school, as improbable as that seems to me, then they let her into the school, period. that should also include extracurriculars?

    • Oh man, Quinn’s laugh as they were leaving the Tea Party club was THE BEST! Also seeing Quinn, Santana and Brittany together reminded me of what I loved about this show. Riese, I love your recaps and I’m so scared for next week’s trans storyline.

      • I am also terrified. Maybe we can (consensually) hold each other if it all gets to be too much? My expectations are set low–very, very, very low.

        But now that the holy trinity is back, I feel like we’ll be OK. The only good episodes last season were the ones with Naya in them.

      • Oh yea Quinn gave me so much life with that laugh….& the hair. Haha…Puck’s “come here, you are precious” had me as well LOL

      • Diana replied 2 weeks ago

        Apparently that was Dianna’s laugh not Quinns, he wasn’t supposed to bump into her and she laughed and they just left it in. so awesome

        I’m very very afraid of the trans storyline, we know how well glee has handled EVERY sensitive subject ever.

    • “Apparently they want to maintain a brotherhood where they can make as many racist and misogynist jokes as they want without fearing recourse, like the Glee Writer’s Room.”

      Best Glee burn I have heard in six seasons.

      I hope you enjoyed recapping the episode with more than one lady in it!

    • If only Santana would propose to Brittany and Quinn. Also, DIANNA, you weren’t supposed to come back! NOW I HAVE TO WATCH THE SHOW. UGH.


    • Naya Rivera: proving that it’s possible to sing those high notes and remain intelligible. Like, jfc, Grande, LEARN TO FUCKING ENUNCIATE WHILE YOU SING.

      So…I’m struggling against the Agron siren call. Should I watch Glee again y/n?

      • Yes…don’t think…..just dance to the cheerleader hormonal bop!

        Or was that rhetorical?


      • DOOO ITTTTT. Seriously though, just multi-task and only look up when Quinn/Santana/Brittany are on screen. That’s what I do. Also Dianna’s new hair style/color alone almost makes it worth it. She is just stupidly gorgeous.

        • Okay, this I think I can follow – only watch when the Unholy Trinity have substantive screentime. I’m still furious about how forced Quinn and Puck are, but it doesn’t seem like they ever interact with each other so I can ignore Quick.

    • Rachel’s smug face: “You know, once Quinn brought me to orgasm from oral sex while I was lying on this very piano … That’s right. A Screaming Orgasm. She gave me. a. screaming. orgasm.”

      I. Cannot. Get this. Out of. My head! Can’t function! Need help!

    • I’m so surprised that I kinda liked these episodes (maybe just a couple of meta jokes, not 458, would have been enough and actually funny, but it’s Ryan Murphy we’re talking about, so), and I’m sure that it’s mostly thanks to The (Un)Holy Trinity. Quinn’s laugh was the best part.

      Also I’d read yours and Heather’s Glee recaps forever, it’s like…[Read more]

    • Every time I see that there’s Brittany/Santana content, I gravitate towards Glee like a severely emotionally damaged homing pigeon.

      A pigeon whose head says, NAY, but whose heart says, GAY.

    • “You know, once Quinn brought me to orgasm from oral sex while I was lying on this very piano”


    • Did you all notice HeMo losing it during the library scene, after she does the line about not making fun of Rachel at least not to her face? It’s nice to see the original cast having so much fun together again…

    • “Apparently they want to maintain a brotherhood where they can make as many racist and misogynist jokes as they want without fearing recourse, like the Glee Writer’s Room.”

      Nailed it.

    • I could watch the Unholy Trinity prance around in those cheerleader skirts forever, no shame.

    • I don’t think I’m gonna start watching again. I might watch the very last episode but tbh I’m never gonna be able to get enough enthusiasm up to track down a streaming link and sit through the darn show. I’m happy to see Max Adler and Dianna back though. Always thought they handled Karofsky so badly, he had the potential to be such an interesting…[Read more]

  • HELLO and welcome to the 161st installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • a pack of Audre Lorde were-feminists = my next group halloween costumes

    • I was recently diagnosed T1 (though early enough that I don’t need medication yet, my pancreas is limping along for the indeterminate future), that was by far the most interesting thing I’ve read on the topic. The very first thing I discovered when I started reading forums was the overwhelming sense of shame. I think being queer has made it easier…[Read more]

    • The Dignity Of Risk was so interesting. Great read. I’ve been interested in reading articles about the different ways in which mental illness is treated and dealt with lately. The differences are striking when you compare mental illness/addiction in wealthy families versus poor families. The articles on TIRTIL never fail to make me think and feel.

    • The Twitter article was super-interesting (well, they all were). I follow a lot of philosophy-themed accounts, and I’ve started keeping track of male/female/hetero/queer representation. It’s almost all male/hetero, and, needless to say, white. That includes the philosophers who are being tweeted as quotes or who are being satirically…[Read more]

    • Thank you so much for posting the article on diabetes: The Honeyed Siphon. Having lived most of my life somewhat closeted, it’s second nature to hide those aspects of me that I feel some shame about. So here it is: I’m queer, diabetic and alcoholic. And all I can do is deal with it day by day.

  • Lj and Profile picture of LesleyLesley are now friends 3 weeks ago

  • ThumbnailWelcome to You Need Help! Where you’ve got a problem and yo, we solve it. Or we at least try.

    This question has been edited for length.


    I met an amazing person — I’ll call her Kitty — in school and […]

    • Ruric replied 3 weeks ago

      I´m gonna oversimplify this is a HUGE way though I know it´s so much more complicated.

      She´s taken. And from what I understood her fiance hasn´t given her the ok to have relationship with you outside of their relationship. Nor has she directly talked about having a relationship with you.
      She sounds kinda selfish (judging from your post) in the…[Read more]

    • Harriet, can you please write back once you’ve confronted Belinda (because girl, you really do need to) because I definitely need to know how this lesbian movie ends. For all our sakes, I hope you’re living in an Imagine Me and You or a Kiss Me and not a Blue Is the Warmest Color or something similarly depressing.

    • Rie replied 3 weeks ago

      The story isn’t mine to tell, but I have born witness to the above and run, Straddler, run.

      Unless a scene at the wedding is your jam. Make sure someone sober has a camera.

    • Ruric replied 3 weeks ago

      Off subject question: How do submit something to You Need Help?

    • VA replied 3 weeks ago

      Do not go to that wedding. Just…don’t do it. Do not be a bridesmaid either. For your mental health and future happiness, do not go.

      If you think you can, maybe send them the nicest thing you can afford.

      And following the wedding/honeymoon/etc, have The Talk.

      Also, perfect use of GIFS from Imagine Me & You is perfect.

      • VA replied 3 weeks ago

        In reading this I found myself wondering how much of these are her feelings and how much she has been influenced by The Fiance.

      • “If you think you can, maybe send them the nicest thing you can afford.”

        With the exception, of course, of thy naked self in a cake.

    • Simple rule of this universe: you cannot fish in two rivers at the same time.

      If you keep letting her take advantage of you, you will simply end up hating her. I think that’s worse than ‘unloving’ a person who you’ve had a lot of good memories and experiences with.

      Riese has given you solid gold advice, and I join her and the other…[Read more]

    • Luce replied 3 weeks ago

      What the HELL is Tim’s deal?

      • Tim is a dude. He finds the situation somewhat amusing/titillating as men tend to do in these types of situations–or he is merely pretending to be so as not to APPEAR to feel threatened. Probably it’s some combo of both. If the girls were ever to smash it would have to be in his presence (at the very least)for his entertainment.

        • Bhan replied 3 weeks ago

          He may also genuinely not care because he’s only interested in her so as to have a Wife and Family one day.

        • There are hints that Tim IS uncomfortable with the situation as well. He just doesn’t seem to be very vocal or as affected by it as our dear Straddler because at the end of the day, Kitty is wearing his ring.

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        I don’t know, it occurred to me that maybe he’s also unfaithful? I say that because him not wanting to go to the New Years thing raised some serious red flags for me. Why would he be so agreeable about her spending the holiday without him alone with somebody he’s allegedly already told her she’s not allowed to have “one night” with? Or maybe…[Read more]

        • Call me uber optimistic, Riese. But it could also be that he just really trusts Kitty. She’s been honest with him about her ‘special friendship’ with the writer, so I can see why he’d trust her and simply tell her that kissing is okay but SEX ISN’T. He comes off to me as a guy who can’t say no to Kitty – save for the one night thing.

      • Gem replied 3 weeks ago

        We don’t actually really learn anything about Tim from the question. The op only really knows what Belinda has told her about her fiance and she actually has no idea what he’s like when the couple are alone. Frankly all of Harriet’s descriptions of him sound like a desperate attempt to justify how much she wants to completely fuck up his life.

        • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

          Eh, I think Belinda needs to take responsibility for ruining his life, not Harriet. Harriet’s just been following Belinda’s lead, and Harriet was never Tim’s friend, I don’t know that she owes him anything.

      • Lex replied 3 weeks ago

        The Nile is a river in Egypt or uh like some cheated upon people hopes the cheating partner will stop cheating and choose them. Choose him cause those years together had to mean something. All the things he did and said that people are suppose to say to the person they want a long term legally joined relationship had to have meant something,…[Read more]

        • This, that we’re doing right here, is hilarious. This is what chicks do. Though, in this case obviously it’s not sooo much making excuses for people it’s just puzzling it over at a distance. Cuz (sorry Belinda) its entertaining. But I’ve had the experience of coming up with more excuses for a bitch than she could come up with herself (OR me) and…[Read more]

          • Correction “Kitty” and fucking Tim.

          • Lex replied 3 weeks ago

            That’s what chicks do?
            Sorry cher, but that’s what people do. Denial and making excuses is part of the fabric of the mind. How do you think people buy goods when they know another human being was exploited to make that low low price possible?

            But yeah it’s something that keeps people down and in bad situations with their love lives. Wasting…[Read more]

    • s replied 3 weeks ago

      So sorry you’re in this situation. If she does not leave Tim for you (which, frankly, might not actually be the best thing), where Riese says “spend time away from each other,” I would elaborate: cut off all. fucking. contact. Do not text her, do not call her, block her number if you can/do not respond to her texts or calls. Unfriend her on…[Read more]

    • Ariel replied 3 weeks ago

      HARRIET. Dear, dear Harriet,

      Damn, that was painful to read. Painful and familiar. Kitty sounds just like thousands of other straight or questioning girls who selfishly take advantage of their boyfriends’, husbands’, and society’s assumptions that non-hetero female sexuality is not as valid or as threatening as hetero sexuality.

      I’m sure we…[Read more]

      • “Tim said he was fine with Belinda kissing you? Color me incredibly unsurprised. That’s a pretty common male-pattern response to a straight/bicurious girlfriend’s curiosity.”

        I know right? My friend’s ex-boyfriend’s only redeeming feature was that he got pissed off at her when she cheated on him with a girl.

        Her: “but it’s just a…[Read more]

      • One of my good friends was “allowed” to have a New Year’s Eve kiss with another girl because her boyfriend said “it didn’t count”. Tim’s actions (or lack thereof) don’t really surprise me either.

      • I think your comment was very well though out, but I can’t help being a little bit of a bi-crusader here. It’s clear that Kitty/Belinda really really desires Harriet (as in, tells her that she masturbates to the thought of her, however inappropriate that is).

        Kitty might play a socially ‘straight’ or ‘bicurious’ role but writing off her obvious…[Read more]

    • Bhan replied 3 weeks ago

      Sorry but number four can actually involve zero if these potential conclusions involve “attending or participating in her wedding, let alone contributing to the care of her hypothetical offspring” in a completely healthy way. She doesn’t seem to have any antipathy towards Tim outside of his role as the impediment and her revulsion at hypothetical…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        good point!

      • That was suuuuch a red flag as far as ‘can we do the squirrelly poly sister-wife shit?’, obviously not. Isn’t it great how the world of modern queer transectional blah can help you wriggle around shit? Nope.

    • My gut instinct is to tell you to run. I think it was the stuff she said about her sex life that did it for me – it just seems disloyal to the point of cruel. It’s manipulative because she knows it’s what you want to hear and it’s not fair to her current partner at all. She’s showing no respect for either of you and seems caught in a whirlwind of…[Read more]

    • Riese – stunning, gorgeous writing, and rock-solid advice as always.

      Did anyone else see the plot of Tipping the Velvet in here? Complete with the fucking name “Kitty”?? Yeeeesh.

      So I guess it follows, Harriet, that you could be like Nancy and become a faux gay prostitute in the streets of London for awhile, a sex slave to an aristocratic…[Read more]

    • Dear Harriet,

      I’m so sorry you are stuck in this horribly uncomfortable and confusing situation. It is patently THE WORST, at least in my experience. I have been in similar situations (more than once, much to my dismay) and I think that the advice Riese and everyone else has given you is solid. I just want to add one small piece. Regardless of…[Read more]

    • Becca replied 3 weeks ago

      Holy hell. I lived this. And I know how the story ends (if you pick the “don’t listen to anyone’s advice and be a bridesmaid, continue this unhealthy awful thing for 6 months into their marriage and then end things” option). Run. Don’t walk. Run away. It hurts and it sucks, but for the love of all good things, run. Find yourself a girl who will…[Read more]


    • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

      Where can I submit a (question? Situation?) for You Need Help? I have a kind of similar situation that I don’t know how to deal with.

    • Seriously, please, please don’t do this to yourself. You deserve so much more.

    • This hurt my heart to read. Regardless of whether or not she means to, she is totally taking advantage of you. Having a loving heart like yours is both a strength and a weakness. I know it’s easy for everyone to say to cut off contact when the reality is that’s the hardest thing you can do. It probably feels impossible to let her go. But I think…[Read more]

    • *WARNING:Epic comment* Man I used to feel so smug and superior to straight girls and their drama with whomever they were dating. I thought they were so retarded. So lacking in basic common sense. I thought I had the advantage, until I realized that as a lesbian at least in the part of the country I’m in…[Read more]

      • Liv replied 3 weeks ago

        I’m sorry that stuff can be rough for you but do you have to used ‘ret*rded’, ‘cocksuckers’, ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, etc?

        Because, hey, dealing with stress and pain – whether it be from widespread oppression or situations in your own life – doesn’t need to be done with misogyny, ableism, biphobia and more.

        • Agreed. This especially shocked me: “But none of that is any of your business or your fault, and if you don’t get that, know that you’re thinking like a come-dumpster/homewrecking whore/douche.” I understand things are rough, but come dumpster? Really? I don’t see how that is helpful or necessary.

        • I actually found this comment very interesting. If “Trainspotting” had a lesbian character, she would make this comment. The writing was an unstructured stream of consciousness, the logic was kind of hard to follow, and she may have been under in influence. But I trust that whatever it was that she is trying to say, she believes it very…[Read more]

          • Yeah, but this isn’t lesbian Trainspotting. This is Autostraddle, and it’s meant to be a safe, feminist and woman-positive space. I don’t care how strongly she believes in ‘straight bitches’ and ‘come-dumpsters’ and ‘homewrecking whores’. It’s not ok here.

            • Yea, to me it’s not about the words so much but the concepts behind the words. Telling some one not to use a word isn’t effective. Their going to feel censored and disengage from the conversation. Whereas your message about the problematic logic and thinking never gets across.

              Vestal its interesting to me that you explain quite well that…[Read more]

            • This is in reply to Salome but the website won’t let me reply to that comment.

              I’m afraid I”m going to have to disagree. There are words – like the ones people have picked out from the comment above – that have to be framed in a very particular way to not be offensive and hurtful. vestal’s comment did not do this; the words were, instead, used…[Read more]

            • Dizzy, I apologize because I didn’t express my point adequately. The comment was so used language so out of place on this website and degrading to women that my first assumption was that it was written by some random person that was trolling us.
              Salome, I don’t think she meant “whore” in a professional sense. I think she meant it as an insult…[Read more]

            • Hey, I know it’s been a couple days but I wanted to respond to the people that responded to me. I’m not saying using that type of language is ever ok. I just don’t think she meant to directly insult Harriet. She said “you’re thinking like a come-dumpster/homewrecking whore/douche.” not you are a. It sounds like she uses these words in everyday…[Read more]

          • I get having that painful feeling when someone tells you that it would be better to end a relationship when you’re still pretty in love with that person. It only comes down to what you want in the end. You really have to be selfish right now. I don’t see how your relationship with “Kitty” will ever work out, especially not as easily as you seem to…[Read more]

    • Sarah replied 3 weeks ago

      I agree with many of the replies….that you should politely decline to be a bridesmaid or attend the wedding. Make an excuse that seems reasonable.
      Although Kitty obviously adores you, she is taking advantage of your love for her……most likely without understanding the effect it is having on you.
      You are in a no-win position, really. Sigh!…[Read more]

    • Dora replied 3 weeks ago

      Holy cow – run! Run the hell away!

    • Ava replied 3 weeks ago

      Oh girl. I have been in a similar situation – except I was also in a relationship at the time and my “Kitty” was someone I’d been friends with for years who I’d had feelings for when we’d first met but never pursued it because she said she was straight; fast forward 8 years and she kisses me when we’re both drunk and OH MAN was that bad news.…[Read more]

      • Super A++ advice addition, Ava (wow alliteration). But really, so important to figure yourself out as much as possible before beginning to consider another person’s feelings in the situation.

        • Liv replied 3 weeks ago

          Yeah, people above have been talking about setting boundaries, etc, which is all so important. But it’s near impossible to set boundaries without working out what you want and need in the first place.

    • Holy hell. I was a Kitty Lite – as in, I had developed an emotional relationship with my best friend while abstaining from indulging in physical desires because of my own Tim (poor guy didn’t deserve it).

      Eventually I woke up and realized that my preference for Harriet meant that I couldn’t marry Tim, and so I broke up with him. Not for her…[Read more]

      • This reply is disappointing , and self serving….. to me…. coming from a woman who is seeking a doctorate.

        • Sarah, what is wrong/disappointing with PaperOFlower’s advice?
          PaperOFlower said that she had been in the “Kitty” role and was relaying her experience on a similar situation.

          • Because she blames Kitty for how Harriet feels. Harriet is the one who is to blame for how she herself feels….not Kitty!!! Duh!

            You/ I am responsible for you/me….and what we feel.

            Stop blaming Kitty for our own issues!

            • I agree that both “Harriet” and “Kitty”, need to take responsibility for their choices and the feelings that have and will result from their choices, but I read PaperOFlowers comment as Harriet having an opportunity to tell Kitty about how Kitty’s actions and choices (ie Keeping Harriet “going on the sniff of an oily rag”)
              might wake Kitty up to…[Read more]

            • Paper is a poop head! She admits it. Then tries to be an advisor….and sanctimous ( poor guy…..didn’t deserve…..me pooping on him…..sheesh!?) bs self-?vindification for being a poop head……who are you trying to kid? Paper?
              If the poop fits, then wear it….

            • Your last comment in this thread was incredibly childish. You don’t need to comment if all you’re trying to do is act like an 8 year old bully.

            • Reiterating what Alishia said! No one cares that you have a doctorate if you’re going to act like an ass.

        • I…don’t even know what to say to this, especially since you and I have had personally supportive messages to each other in recent memory.

          Maybe I need to clarify? Many of the fellow commenters have been in Harriet’s shoes before, so they are giving her advice from their experiences. I haven’t. Reading this heartbreaking letter struck me as…[Read more]

          • I really appreciate your perspective, Paper0Flowers, and also I think it would be hilarious if you were, in fact, studying coprology.

          • i was really glad that you shared your story! i read it out loud to my girlfriend ’cause we’d been talking about the question and i thought you offered a really valuable insight.

          • 0
            I have communicated and apologized to Paper0Flowers privately. But I want to apologize to her publicly as well. I totally misunderstood the emotional and personal basis for her advice. My reply was judgmental and childish and ignorant of the facts. And it turns out I was the “poophead”!

            I admire Paper0Flowers more and more as an intelligent,…[Read more]

            • I’m glad you messaged me privately as well so that we could talk it out instead of derailing things here. Apology accepted.

    • I’m now starting to wonder if Belinda is in some kind of situation where being out or being unmarried could be dangerous or troubling to her. I nearly married my ex-boyfriend despite having this huge coming out to him and myself about being only sexually attracted to women because of familial expectations and for visa reasons, and also because…[Read more]

      • Too. Bad. If. She. Is. Unless Belinda is a sex-worker in particular and I doubt she is a social worker, kitty’s situation is none of her concern. If there weren’t feelings involved maybe she could try to help her as a friend, seeing as that’s not the case, the best thing to do is distance herself. Kitty can find someone else to be her long…[Read more]

      • I think this is quite an interesting and perceptive comment. If she was, it could help Harriet have the talk with her.

        I did notice that Harriet says she met Kitty/Belinda at school, by which time Kitty was engaged to Tim. Not saying it can’t happen for other reasons, but the people I know who were engaged that young were from backgrounds where…[Read more]

      • I was wondering this too, especially because this seems to be a marriage early in life. But even if it’s out of confusion or an attempt to compromise between desire and duty, Belinda’s being really harmful.

      • “I nearly married my ex-boyfriend despite having this huge coming out to him and myself about being only sexually attracted to women because of familial expectations and for visa reasons, and also because asides from the sex thing he was actually a pretty good life partner and we had many good years together.”

        I was in the same situation. It…[Read more]

    • I had to take a break when reading this because it hit so close to home. I don’t know what to say without breaking into tears or a rant so I just want to comment and say I really, really, really, really, REALLY hope this works out for Harriet

    • We really must have a follow-up post to this. I have to know how it turns out!

    • Wowsers. As I read this I was pulling “oh no she didn’t!!!” faces at my phone and making huffy noises, such was my absolute disgust at the way you are being treated.

      She might love you. You definitely love her. But holy hell, you deserve someone much much better than this. If the universe is fair at all, you will find the one who deserves you,…[Read more]

    • Alex replied 3 weeks ago

      Even if she does end up not marrying Tim and thereby opening the door for her to be with you, will you feel comfortable being with someone who spent some time emotionally manipulating you, and playing with your emotions while being engaged to someone else? Not to mention how rough the communication has been between both of you up until this point.…[Read more]

    • Wow…So according to a lot of these comments lesbian movies are real life. I feel awkward that I’ve raged against their terrible tropes for so many years, when the reality of this scourge was so much truth.

      My thanks to this article for lifting the veil from my eyes. These comments should do well to raise awareness, but isn’t this all far too…[Read more]

      • Imagine Me & You was really difficult for me to watch, because the first time I saw it I thought: “Oh shit, I’m going to be Rachel and he’s Heck.” The second time I watched it, I thought: “Oh shit, I really am Rachel and she’s going to be my Luce.”

    • Erin replied 3 weeks ago

      In my opinion, the only way Belinda breaks up with Tim is if Harriet cuts off all contact. Right now B has *both* T and H in her life (albeit with a minimal amount of drama), so she has no incentive to break up with Tim. Harriet, if you’re reading this I know that cutting off contact with her might be the hardest thing you ever do, but know that…[Read more]

    • Run. Run intentionally. Decide to run, and keep running. Take good care of yourself. Know that it will take A LOT of time. I’m just about 6 months ahead of you in this painful marathon. It’s tough, but each day you let go by without talking, each text you ignore, each request to “catch up” you politely decline, makes the subsequent ones so much…[Read more]

    • Lolau replied 3 weeks ago

    • dizzy replied 3 weeks ago

      Oh man. It’s been an aeon since I last commented on Autostraddle, but even I can’t keep quiet about a situation like this.

      Firstly, Harriet, I’m sorry that this happened to you. So, so sorry.

      Secondly, whatever Kitty/Belinda says when you lay it out for her, I suggest you think long and hard about whether she’s the kind of person you want…[Read more]

    • Ric replied 3 weeks ago

      let us know how this turns out.

      p.s. don’t go to the wedding

    • In my experience, people like Belinda/Kitty who are engaged in long-term cheating (not poly relationships, just plain cheating) of whatever kind and for whatever reason are not bad people, but they are insecure and terrified of abandonment, and their way of meeting their needs is to have several people fully devoted to them while not entirely…[Read more]

      • I can’t second this enough. There are definitely cheaters who are jerks, but there are lots of long-term cheaters who’re just insecure— especially in and around the age group it sounds like Harriet and Kitty/Belinda are part of (late teens, early 20s, undergrad/college).

        I’d suggest you (Harriet) run screaming. The relationship as it’s been so…[Read more]

    • Maybe it’s the romantic and pop culture lover in me, but I really want belinda and harriet to get together. It sounds like they have so much chemistry, and despite the ethical grey areas, it seems they are meant to be if belinda will let it. She’s said a zillion things to make me think she doesn’t love her fiance, and is likely queer in some way,…[Read more]

    • I have communicated and apologized to Paper0Flowers privately. But I want to apologize to her publicly as well. I totally misunderstood the emotional and personal basis for her advice. My reply was judgmental and childish and ignorant of the facts. And it turns out I was the “poophead”!

      I admire Paper0Flowers more and more as an intelligent,…[Read more]

    • I understand why you would all side with Harriet. I get why you believe she is the victim in this horrible scenario, and yes ; she is a victim. But so is Belinda.
      Belinda is trapped. She’s scared and completely lost, more lost than she has ever been in her entire life.
      She has a man, a man that proposed and who she no doubt greatly…[Read more]

  • HELLO and welcome to the 160th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • I’ve been reading the interviews with Jay and they’re interesting, but didn’t he have a gag order? Did I totally make that up?

    • As a Southern person of rural origin, I’ve got a fair amount of shelf space devoted to Dorothy Allison (she’s very close to home, let’s put it that way). Ironically, my mother was very liberal about what she let me read when I was growing up and only ever forbade me to read one book: Bastard out of Carolina. She literally took it out of my…[Read more]

    • Dan Savage has actually said that about monogamy multiple times. IDK if I agree with him. Does he believe that human beings are incapable of being monogamous or just that they shouldn’t and never were supposed to be? There is a difference. Whenever he talks about the subject I feel like he taking his own experience with non-monogamy and/or…[Read more]

      • I like that Dan Savage talks a lot about non monogamy as an option but uh some of the things he says like encouraging cheating are a little questionable

        • Yes. That’s one of the many problems I have with him. He seems to have a “cheat but don’t tell” policy to go along with his stance that people are unnaturally choosing to be monogamous and that’s why marriages fail. I’m perfectly fine with people wanting to be non-monogamous if they so choose but don’t claim that everyone should be just because…[Read more]

          • I just read a couple of his books, including a collection of his advice columns from the 90s, and I think one of the issues people have with him is that they don’t see him as a person writing his opinions, but as a guru handing out dangerous advice to legions of minions. Most of what he writes can be taken with a large grain of salt and he has a…[Read more]

            • That seems like a valid way to contextualize a lot of what he says. I’m not always (often?) particularly on board with him, but he’s been around a long time in my memory, so he generally doesn’t catch me wildly off-guard. He’s a grandstander: he likes to say something controversial and then see how far he can take it. That’s sort of…[Read more]

      • I read that article because I was curious about how Playboy would deal with him being a homo. That part pleased me. But the actual advice left me very confused. Did he really tell people in general to cheat, lie about it, then confess it years later because that’s what worked for him in his particular relationship? Wut?

    • Oh Radio Shack. I remember in the mid-80’s it was THE place to buy batteries. My mom would wait until a circular advertisement would make it worth our while to stop in. And if my toys ran out of juice before then I had to wait.

      On my 10th birthday (1986) I saved up for an Armitron. It was $30!! And boring as hell.

      In my 20s I would maybe…[Read more]

    • I shop at radio shack to get electronic components like motors, LEDs, sensors, etc. They can be pretty expensive but sometimes I need something in a pinch.

  • I write a column for this website every Friday summarizing my favorite longreads of the week. I already did a lot of magazine-reading prior to starting the column, but doing it has definitely put that habit on […]

    • I saw this headline come up in feedly and my heart stopped for a moment, afraid that you were letting go of the bicycle and teaching us to ride for ourselves.

      There is actually no way to overstate the relief that ‘Things I Read That I Love’ isn’t going anywhere.

      (And thank-you for sharing these, the only one I read is guernica, so really…[Read more]

      • I completely agree. I like most of what I read to be curated by AS. And I didn’t get my training wheels taken off til I was 10 so I’m gonna need quite a bit more practice.

      • i mean, i still recap glee out of a neurotic sense of obligation to my readership, so i think TIRTL (which makes my brain larger rather than smaller, like glee probably does) is safe from potential expiration! I LOVE TO CURATE

    • Dammit, I NY-resolved to read more offline!

      So this is joyful NYR fail #1 (more to follow). Thank you! <3

    • Every time I get on Autostraddle my productivity at work decreases by 5%. But my enthusiasm for all the things increases by 5% at the same time, so it’s okay. I’m a super informed, enthusiastic slacker.

    • This is just what I have been looking for.

    • Thank you.

    • Oh great… another thing to make me feel guilty for not having done.

      I’m kidding (a little bit.) This is a wonderful list and I resolve to do better in 2015!

    • So I just spent my entire night reading articles on The Morning News website, which is exactly the way I wanted to spend my evening, so thank you.

    • This is aces, thankyou; always jazzed for more well written pieces that are longer than two paragraphs. Also I’ve been like, happyobsessed with The New Inquiry since I came across it (super recently), so yay for other people reading it!

    • Because I don’t already have over 2,000 articles saved in my Pocket…
      (Seriously, though, thank you. This is a great list. And this article is definitely one of those 2,000 saved.)

  • feature image via shutterstock

    HELLO and welcome to the 159th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read […]

    • Casey replied 1 month ago

      That RENT article spoke to my whole heart! I posted a Facebook status on exactly December 24th 9PM Eastern Standard Time that from here on in I shoot without a script… I felt like it was under appreciated as far as statuses go, but I was pretty happy about it

    • C.P. replied 1 month ago

      Live in my hooouuuuuse/
      I’ll be your shelterrrrr/
      Just pay me baaaaaaack/
      With 1,000 kisses.
      Be my loverrr,
      And I’ll….. Cover you.

      (I taught myself that whole soundtrack in 7th grade. And I can still do any number on command.)

    • So I just sang I’ll Cover You alone in my house and I fucking WENT for it because when it comes to loving Rent you just gotta give it up and have no shame

      ohhhhhhhh lover
      I’ll cover you

      • Ughhhh you guyz that song gives me all the feels. What am I saying, the whole soundtrack does that… I just opened so many tabs to read when I can see straight again.

    • Kari replied 1 month ago

      It’s simply indescribable what Tiana Reid’s essay made me feel- thank you for that, Reading that piece was a sensory experience, kinship found in this feeling of the world burning all around us, while everyone seems content with what is directly in front of them.

      My favorite line, “What does it mean to cry during the morning news? And should I…[Read more]

    • RENT saved my life, ruined my life, and made me gay. The show was my life when I was 15-16, when I was sickest (and in some ways caused me to get so sick)… The first time I realized that a) I was attracted to women, and b) that it was okay was through RENT. I could write a whole essay on my relationship with RENT…I probably already have.

    • so far i’ve read two of these. the one about the adoption from guatemala…wow. i can’t believe stuff like that can still happen, although i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

      and the reese witherspoon one made me think about how i categorize actors that i like too; WHY do i like them? not because i know them, but because of how i perceive their…[Read more]

    • Thank you for that RENT article. The first time I ever saw the show was with my first girlfriend; I was 18 and I still remember being in standing room behind the orchestra section of the Nederlander theater, and kissing her during “I’ll Cover You.” So much of my late teens and early 20s was wrapped up in that show and the people I met because of…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailHey hey homos! If you’re anything like me — and I suspect that you are — you like Autostraddle merch and you like things that are on sale. This holiday season has been our busiest of all time on multiple levels […]

    • giles replied 1 month ago

      Ohhh Autostraddle! You’ve been my home for the past ~4years and I’ve felt like such a bad Straddlr for not having donated or purchased merch in 2014. But now as I sit in my office making intermittent smalltalk en francais with security (reppin mtl bitchez!) and preparing to purchase a scissoring shirt, I realise that 4 years ago I wouldn’t have…[Read more]

    • Anna replied 1 month ago

      yassss time to order Misandrist tees for EVERYONE I KNOW!

    • Ava replied 1 month ago

      Oh man. I already have the red scissor sweatshirt but I like the grey one better and this makes it SO TEMPTING to order it. One can never have too many scissoring sweatshirts, right?

    • Rae replied 1 month ago

      I’m sitting around in my ‘Straddle This’ boxers and I was just thinking ‘I should buy some more’. So much thank you, Autostraddle! You read my mind. <3

    • I just bought a You Do You t-shirt and a Misandrist t-shirt and a Safe Space pencil kit (which is for a friend), and I’m so exitant because this is the first time I’ve bought Autostraddle merchandise and it’s been a looooong time coming :D

    • kaybo replied 1 month ago

      Gah, I was so excited to buy some merch (plus discounts! woot!) but they don’t have my size in either of the scissoring sweatshirts :( :(

      Will more sizes be reordered and available? Any chance we can get them at the boxing day discount? :)

    • Mik replied 1 month ago

      oh goodness I can afford things!

    • Mik replied 1 month ago

      I am seriously so thrilled that I can finally afford to give you guys some money, even though it’s not much. My super-conservative uncle gave me $100 specifically for ‘that autoshop website you like so much,’ and I cried legitimate tears of joy because I am a big dork. And hopefully I’ll be able to find a steady job soon and will be able to make…[Read more]

      • That “autoshop” website!!! I am totally going to call it this the next time I chat with my ultra conservative uncle on the phone.

        • Mik replied 1 month ago

          Yupp he was clueless but very sweet and supportive and tremendously confused

      • Mik replied 1 month ago

        Oh jeez I just realized that in my haste and excitement I accidentally bought an A+ gift membership for myself like a big dweeb. So now I feel bad because it’s totally cheating to get 20% off a GIFT membership for myself and I feel even worse because I can’t afford to give you guys the 20% back! I’m sorry, I can be a real dumbdumb sometimes. I…[Read more]

        • Riese replied 1 month ago

          it’s totally okay! i’m glad that your uncle gave you money and that you can afford a+ on that crazy wild autoshop website in the sky

          • Thanks, you guys are the best. I feel bad for whoever had to do the extra work for me though, is there any way I can send that person cookies or something?

  • Welp, it’s a holiday of some significance to some people — maybe you, maybe not you — but regardless, we think you deserve a present. Last time we made you a video, you were pretty into it, so we thought we’d do […]

    • Y’all are some gorgeous beasties! I’m especially into the pets NOT HAVING this sing a long xD

    • Bri replied 1 month ago

      Nailed it!

    • I think this was probably one of the best Christmas presents I received today. You’re all fantastic.

    • Merry Christmas! This video just made my morning even more happy and bright. All I want for Christmas is you Autostraddlers ❤

    • stef i’m dead because of your presence in this video. SLEIGHIN’ IT.

      • Stef replied 1 month ago

        THEY DIDN’T USE ANY OF THE PARTS WHERE I JUMP ON THE TRAMPOLINE oh well. eli’s beard slaughtered me.

      • omg sleighin’ it
        carmen you are a genius

    • Also you are some gorgeous humans and this made me very happy and I wish you all very much happiness.

    • just watched this with my family and my grandmother danced along. y’all are spectacular.

    • Stef replied 1 month ago

      godDAMN kaylah.

    • Susi replied 1 month ago

      This is the cutest thing to have ever happened!! Happy wintertime holidays to everyone!

    • This was great and you all are gorgeous, gorgeous people! Definitely made my Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone, I hope it’s amazing!

    • Mary replied 1 month ago

      Great video! Merry Christmas everybody!

    • tex replied 1 month ago

      Loved it! Yall are the best

    • Nikki replied 1 month ago

      Everyone looks so good!

    • ahhh! i love you all <3333

    • I woke my sister up from a nap to make her watch this because I was just so excited about your faces, I had to share them with somebody. MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL!

    • Thank you so much for this! It really lifted my spirits. I love this community oh so much <3

    • Mel replied 1 month ago

      Ahhh this is brilliant! Everyone is on point! Merry Christmakuh and a Festivus for the Rest of Us!

    • Hana replied 1 month ago

      everything about this is perfect.

    • TOO GOOD! Thank you so much for this. Stef on the trampoline was a major highlight, but the whole thing was solid gold.

    • too good!! totally put me in a good mood before having to work!! =) best christmas present ever!!

    • Mey replied 1 month ago

      I love this whole thing and all of you so much!

    • jana replied 1 month ago

      this was the perfect accompaniment to the ‘cocktail coconut bun’ i just bought at a place called ‘oriental food market’. thank you autostraddle

    • I love all you humans.

    • I love you all but I love Mey’s Wonder Woman Christmas stocking in particular

    • Ali replied 1 month ago

      omg. lizz and chrissie.

    • That was incredibly uplifting and one of my favourite things this Christmas. Thank you all for putting it together and doing such a fabulous job of it! I wish you all a wonderful holiday season and a fabulous year ahead.

    • Rae replied 1 month ago

      This made my holigay wonderful and queer and you’re all seriously the best humans! <3

    • Fantastic! You all are some seriously beautiful humans.

    • Tara replied 1 month ago

      Awwww, Merry Christmas everybody! I can’t wait to listen to the podcast, also.

    • Dina replied 1 month ago

      OH YOU.

    • So excellent! Plus also, Wonder Woman Christmas stocking.

    • Zoe replied 1 month ago

      If A+ just consisted of videos of Autostraddle staff lip-syncing, I’d be more than okay with that.

    • eeeee you are all so wonderful <3 <3 <3

    • THANK YOU.

    • I want to add that I love all the pet special guests!!!

    • My heart just grew two sizes. :D

    • could Hannah BE any cuter?

    • You are all so weird and wonderful and this is perfect.

    • Disappointed that I can’t list Autostraddle Lip Sync Videos as my sexuality on facebook

    • Tany replied 4 weeks ago

      OMG <3

  • Kathleen and Profile picture of brabra are now friends 1 month ago

  • HELLO and welcome to the 158th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Thanks so much for sharing that final piece, so good to read about the Eric Garner case in this much (shocking) detail.

    • A whole day early! It’s like a special holigay gift for us all.

    • That story about the women convicted for child endangerment…

      I know the story was meant to inspire sympathy, but I just. can’t. understand. it. In fact, it makes me FURIOUS.

      If somebody raises a hand against your child, that is wrong. You are morally compelled to do everything and endure everything you have to for that child! Whatever the…[Read more]

  • It is well-established that the vast majority of lesbian films are relatively insufferable. This doesn’t seem to stop the vast majority of lesbian films from receiving glowing reviews on amazon, but amid these […]

    • 17 is a GEM.

      • hands down my fave. i <3 irony

      • Yes! Ironic typo aside, this comment has a point. Why is this a thing? I’ve seen many a awkward, stilted conversation/monologue in lesbian movies. Is this what happens when the writer is too involved and doesn’t want any of their precious script changed in any way, or actors who can’t act naturally at all?

    • ‘Or maybe they’ll make a travel documentary about Italy, and just interview people from Utah who’ve been to Italy.’

      One star reviews renew my faith in humanity. Specifically its comic ability.

    • I laughed really loudly at 26 and now everyone in this coffee shop is looking at me. Clearly they don’t understand how wonderful Listlings Without Commentary are.

    • #25 – uh oh, I think they’re on to us, you guys.

    • Is 7 for Mulholland drive do we think? Also I need to see 3. A brunette in outer space…amazing. How does she communicate with the non acting blond?

    • “Want to watch a fat het man chain smoke? Want to watch a skinny gay girl sob? Want to watch them inexplicably, suddenly become best bffs? This is your flick.”

      wait what? what film is this? ps if the activities were swapped…would watch 100 times.

    • only slightly ashamed at the number of films I recognize by these scathing criticisms

      also “THE BLOND WAS NOT AN ACTOR. THE BRUNETTE WAS IN OUTER SPACE.” sounds like the name of an art installation Bette Porter would have side-eyed

    • Number 15 had me chuckling.

      And number 5 – I’m thinking Bar Girls, or Go Fish.

    • I think I have seen the majority of these films. And I’m glad I am not the only one that kept checking the little video progress bar at the bottom…

    • when I was a baby dyke I used to think Lost and Delirious was THE shit, even bought the dvd and all. Tried to watch it a couple of years ago and it’s terrible. What happened???

      • I was the same with Better Than Chocolate (probably #15)–I watched that movie religiously in high school. Tried to watch it again a year or two ago and couldn’t make it through the first twenty minutes. I chalk it up to the fact that I was so ravenous for queer women in media that I loved virtually anything I came across. Also because I had a…[Read more]

      • Watched it recently and still love it.

      • I was like that with Imagine me & You. I would secretly watch it on Youtube, because a user had uploaded it in like 12 parts. But he/she had deleted part 9!

        A forever a missing piece of my queer identity.

    • In the ext A+ Bee, can we please have the covers of all of these movies and play ‘match the review’?

    • What happened to number 11? WHO KILLED NUMBER 11

    • My girlfriend and I made a list of lesbian (or lesbian inclusive) films to marathon some day (PARTS of the list compiled with the help of Autostraddle lists, of course), and so far we’ve only been to watch three in a row until we give up completely.

      At the moment I only wait for the community to give good reviews to movies before I go hunting for them.

    • I feel like they were talking about Blue is the warmest color lol.

      “I suppose the intention here was to create a movie mainly for the Lesbian population. You perhaps succeeded there but unfortunately I think you also succeeded in insulting our intelligence.”

      Not sure why I found this one to be very funny

      • I felt like they were talking about Blue for SO MANY of them. Especially the yoga one. Sadly, I googled it and they weren’t. Still accurate.

      • Why in the world would you think they were about Blue is the Warmest Color? That is one of the best reviewed films of the century and is arguably the finest film ever made about two women falling in love. Also any film that challenges the confining mindset which tries to narrow sex between women to a limited concept of two fingers and oral is a Godsend.

        • Well not everyone like yourself actually liked the movie because of numerous reasons. I really loved the movie but I just assumed they would be. Maybe because a man was the director?

      • That movie pissed me off. It wasn’t even in English, having to read subtitles is a good way to kill any movie.

        • What!! I thought the subtitles made it more amazing actually. I am a biased though because I love subtitles

        • most of the best lesbian movies are foreign though!
          i feel so-so about blue is the warmest color specifically (and none of these reviews are from that film because although it’s not one of my favorites, i don’t think it qualifies as a “bad lesbian movie”), but seriously, if you skip subtitles, you’ll miss some of the best lesbian movies the…[Read more]

    • “You know the little video progress bar at the bottom? I kept checking it and thinking, “if there isn’t that much left, I might make it to the end.” I swear the thing was going backwards. The only reason I finished it is because I’m too OCD not to finish a movie. But this one tested my affliction.”

      This one has got to be Mango Kiss, right?

    • “The dialog was forced and way to grammatically correct.”

      I love it when people who are pretentious about grammar make grammar mistakes.

      • Hmm, I didn’t read that commenter as being pretentious about grammar. If anything, it seemed like they were disgruntled with the pretentiousness of the grammar in the movie script, because it killed any possibility of realism in the dialogue. Also, looking at the two grammar ~mistakes~ in their comment, it’s likely that this commenter is dyslexic…[Read more]

    • Riese’s fascination with hating Lost and Delirious got tired about 5 years ago.

      • Coincidentally, that was probably the last time I enjoyed the movie!

      • I accidentally plus-one’d this comment before I realized you were insulting me rather than affirming my real true feelings. Do you want to talk about how much I hate Love Actually instead

      • I am also angry about things tangentially related to the content of this article!

    • I tried so hard to like #20 (the movie, not the comment) and…it just never happened. I can’t. Not even for science.

    • I tried to figure out what #27 is, but no dice, and google was no help. I too want to the L Word back, but what film brings this reaction, cause maybe it will really help bring the L Word back?

      • Also, whoever wrote #27 must have never seen the last season of the L Word, or they wouldn’t be THAT quick to say bring the L Word back.

    • This is the greatest thing I’ve read all week.

    • Thank youuuu. I used to work for a pretty big LGBT newspaper, and I reviewed a new lesbian movie once (can’t remember what it was — but it was terrible) and I was honest about how bad it was, and got attacked in the comments! People were like HOW DARE YOU THIS IS ALL WE HAVE.

    • 10 – epic. made my day.

    • 20 is the one about the aerialist, right? What’s it called? Because naked lesbian yoga Cirque du Soleil is basically my dream entertainment.

    • I thought for sure #22 was about Camp Belvidere, but it wasn’t. I actually couldn’t find any 1-star reviews for CB. Thankfully, a lot of the excerpts listed here apply to it anyway, and I can just pretend I’m not alone in hating it!

    • I thought it was “When Night Is Falling”… really boring film. My ex made me watch it and i kept being like “OK… so?”

      • I thought #20 was “When Night Is Falling”… really boring film. My ex made me watch it and i kept being like “OK… so?”

    • “THE BRUNETTE WAS IN OUTER SPACE” is so on brand for me that it’s probably going to be the new tagline for all of my social media.

      GREAT JOB RIESE this was very funny.

    • I lost it at 18, because I’ve totally made comments like that to my friends. And to a certain extent, I think I actually believe it. At the very least, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

    • As someone who can’t stand being ripped off my money, I desperately want to reach out to #23 and help however I can.

    • 12 made me laugh out loud. It is too true, and sadly, it happened, for a fashion, all over everywhere. Kenny G was the SHIZ for middle of the road folks who liked their white men long curly haired white puffy shirt wearing well groomed gentle playing whatever schlocky instrument he played. It was never a dream, people.

    • What I really find hilarious is the fact that if you’ve seen these films, you know exactly which film these 1 star reviews belong to. Very well deserved. I thought I was honestly the only one who saw how awful each and every one of these ‘films’ were.

  • ThumbnailWhy give somebody one thing when you can give somebody lots of things, over and over and over again for an entire year? That’s a good question and the only answer I can parse out would be: “I HAVE NO IDEA.”

    <hr […]

    • “box lunch” – monthly subscription to

    • Example #897578975 that Riese &the team are mind readers.

    • Even though the wording of this is not meant for people like me (I’m a bisexual Autostraddle reader and my life partner happens to be male and I don’t have a lady friend at the moment) I really appreciate the gift ideas I can get for my dude. Thanks as always for a great gift idea list.

    • I love my Graze box! I’ve got one on my desk right now, with a new cocoa and vanilla flapjack to try for breakfast tomorrow. I also love the fact that if you’re a regular customer you get occasional discounts and special offers, but also they give you offers if you leave for a while, AND you can spread your deliveries out so you can afford them…[Read more]

    • I too signed up for graze just for the free box and I cannot cancel my subscription because I want to try everything! I love snacking and can actually feel good about eating their snacks, and love that you can skip weeks when you need to without having to cancel.

    • I’m a huge fan of birchbox. I’m a beauty junky, so it’s right up my alley. Plus, the staff in their new NYC store are so nice.

    • I love birchbox (the ladies’ one) but I can’t decide between birchbox man and sprezzabox for my significant other. My significant other currently subscribes to bespoke post and loves it. Thoughts?

    • I get the mens Birchbox and it is my favorite mail to get (besides Autostraddle merch). The trial sizes of high end grooming products are great for travel and throwing in my gym bag. I’ve gotten a tie, solo cup shot glasses, whiskey stones, grilling apron; all kinds of cool stuff. Plus, it makes me feel like a damn fancy genderqueer.

      With any…[Read more]

    • A box subscription for neckties? Where have u been all my life.

      I can say that harry and david pears are REALLY DELICIOUS.

    • I wanted to sign up for Graze but just seems to good to be true! I am way to skeptical to try

      • Do it! I have loved everything I got except one thing with bananas… and that is only because I loathe bananas! I t is totally worth giving it a shot though

    • I kind of want to try that boxer subscription for like a month or three. It sounds like a solid idea, but sadly they aren’t neutral enough for my taste. It be nice if they had a queer option or something.

    • Now I have a bunch of tabs open here. Must not reach for credit card

    • I’m awaiting my third installment of Birchbox (lady edition), & I am definitely a fan. I’ve been bringing out more of the femme side of the tomboy femme this year, & it’s been a non-intimidating way to try that business out.

      I think I’m going to have to try Graze next. If I’m not at work I’m at the movies, and some snacking variety would…[Read more]

    • I have asked every single human that I know to donate toward an A+ membership for me. It’s how I inadvertently came out to my grandfather. I almost sent him a link to the scissoring sweatshirt but then decided that would be too much to throw at him in one day. Maybe next year!

    • I love Ipsy and it only costs 9.99

    • I’d never heard of NextIssue, but now I’m super excited about it! Going through the affiliate link seems to lead me to a page that wants to install programs on my computer, though… Does that link look correct, is there an alternate AS affiliate link?

    • riese every year i hope that i make so much money working at autostraddle dot com that i can buy you a decade’s worth of pears in the mail.

    • I feel like Friday Tieday should be the name of a column on here. Sort of like Sunday Funday, only instead of news-related stuff, it’s all about different kinds of ties.

      The fruit of the month club sounds brilliant. My first thought was “but I’m too poor for that!” but it comes out to approx $1.70/lb of fruit, which isn’t really more than what…[Read more]

    • I misread, and thought it was a monthly box of pickles and gin, which would be, like, the most niche-perfect monthly gift box.

    • YES, I am eagerly waiting for my first ArcadeBlock. I have also signed up for Lootcrate and I hope both will be epic.

    • I’m really unhappy with the way nerdblock are gendering the children’s boxes. Star Wars and hot wheels are not boys toys and it just reminds me of how I took my six year old niece to Hamleys to buy her Dr Who toys only to find they’d put in boys and girls floors and all the toys she wanted were on the boys floor and she was convinced because of…[Read more]

    • Just a head’s up — Next Issue seems to have some offers that may be sketchy. Unsure how to interpret them, but they ask for a lot of personal info (and not for the subscription, for the “special offers” that takes you to a different site).

    • Another subscription box (or bag, rather) that I really liked was Ipsy! It’s kind of like Birchbox’s women’s boxes and is also $10/month, but Birchbox gives more skincare products and Ipsy gives more makeup products. I ended up canceling my Ipsy subscription after a few months since the price was adding up, but I got quite a few products that I…[Read more]

  • feature image via shutterstock

    This year we published so many stories that smashed your heart open, made your soul explode, exposed you to the unknown, opened your mind and/or reminded you that you are […]

    • *THANK YOU*

    • Favourites – I LOVED Laneia’s essay about realising ‘home’, and the one above called Fumigation, and one about growing up poor and people’s ‘lake houses’ (maybe that was an archive post?)

      and also one from a Brighton-based Black writer who I’ve only seen here once about how WP in the feminist movement need to step the fuck up. I need to dig…[Read more]

      • Ooh that was my essay :) YAY. (I also wrote the one about bulimia and race mentioned at the top of the article).

        • Oh AWESOME – I didn’t make the connection – thanks!! I think your writing is so freakin’ powerful, can’t wait to read your other piece.

    • Thank you for keeping me on this list. Two of my favorites, that I disseminated far and wide are : Fumigation; A Love Story and I Would Grow My Hair To Cover the City- but AS always has such beautiful essays, please keep up the amazing curation.

    • Rereading and re-falling-in-love-with everyone’s words. Thanks.

    • How did I miss these! I can’t wait to curl up by the fire tonight to read these.

    • <3

    • Every single one of these voices is so important. Thank you for compiling this list!

    • Amazing, guys. Thanks!

    • <3 <3

    • these essays were AMAZING. i hope people share them far and wide because the point is being loud and never shutting up. i hope y’all help these writers be loud and never shut up.

      “I will tell people this forever. […] I am what I have lost.”

      riese “i am what i have lost” was one of the most jarring thing my eyes had to push inside me…[Read more]

    • these all make me so proud not even just to work here but just to know these humans. thank you, all of you.

    • Confessions of a Beauty Queer, by Djuan Trent was one of my favorite things all year. And I Would Grow My Hair To Cover the City, by Whitney Pow. Thank you for publishing such amazing writers.

    • Crying at work achieved!

      Thank you all for sharing your wisdom and words.

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