✭ Special Announcement ✭


  • (feature image via shutterstock)

    Not everybody has the extreme pleasure of viewing television shows and films with a human IMDB who is capable of providing loud and enthusiastic pop-up-video style trivia […]

    • You watch a lot of SVU I think. Who doesn’t? Or maybe just me imposing my thoughts on your comments.

      Also did you think it was grace helbig in vanderpump rules? Can I out myself as a vanderpump rules fan? Is this a safe space? Anywho I thought she was at scheana’s wedding with Vail. Turns out it was the professor chick from Bloomington. I love…[Read more]

      • You’re right we watch shit-tons of SVU. I’ve never seen Vanderpump Rules! This is a safe space to like it though. It seems like it’s always on that channel where it’s always on, you know? I thought I saw Grace Helibeg in a commercial, if I remember correctly.

        • If it was the left-swipe anti-smoking commercial, it IS Grace Helbig, and my girlfriend and I had the same reaction. (Had to look it up later to decide for sure.)

    • I will out myself as another Vanderpump Rules watcher. Guilty. But every time it’s over, I’m more and more pleased with my luck for turning out gay. So there’s that.

      • Also!

        16) I miss him on the show! Even though I had forgotten he was on the show until he showed back up…

        24) Justified? I’ve heard it’s good but I can’t make myself watch it. I need one more person to tell me I should before I take the plunge and commit my life to more television.

      • At first I dismissed Vanderpump Rules as a show of pretty white people acting crazy and then when I was watching Housewives: BH and the show mysteriously turned into Vanderpump Rules, I ended watching the latest season they had on VOD. Like how did I watch Kim thinking she relapsed into Jax and his nose job!?!


        Plus the one things…[Read more]

    • Was Miss Claudette in Last Tango in Halifax? Was just trying to describe who she was today but couldn’t remember her character’s name!

      • Oh I don’t know! We saw her on the law and order svu that was on last week, the one that seemed loosely based on Casey kasem

    • im lol

      also you technically said like half of these out lout after the program so like

    • I am definitely terrible at also talking over things (except with baseless speculation about allusions/references and also plot), this “writing it down instead” business seems like a really good strategy for not annoying the hell out of everyone.

    • Totally texted #16 to my girlfriend. Followed by, “Desmond always saves the day”.

      • But he totally turns out to be a creepy pedophile pretending his sister died on SVU. Is this a spoiler alert. We are talking about like 5 seasons ago right? I watch too many reruns.

        • Oh no! I’m gonna pretend I didn’t know that. Desmond and Penny 4eva.

        • oh wow i’ve never seen his SVU episode! i forgot that he was on Scandal the first season until he showed up on Scandal last week.

          • Oh this is all making so much sense. You guys are talking about Olivia pope not my olivia (benson) in #16. I’m on the netflix scandal schedule so perennially a season behind. But yeah Desmond is not a good guy on SVU. He’s in a few episodes. Sorry it apparently was a spoiler!

    • I’ve been watching Empire because Cookie is everything to me. I talk back as if she is going to respond but I do get a lot of validation from her.

    • I think this was last week? Anyway, after harassing various people about Don Johnson, I just put this general problem out there in a blog post. The answer was Nash Bridges.

      And now I’m shamed enough that I should go finish the post that’s been in draft for I don’t know how long.

      But anything that concludes “fuck I’m a genius” is a winner.

    • I’ve only ever seen Jason from True Blood in True Blood and I 100% can’t imagine him talking with anything other than a Southern accent! Even though the accents on that show are so bad, I still have this thing where I’m convinced that the actors talk like that in real life.

    • I have a problem like this.

      Except instead of trivia facts it’s snark about the writing and acting skills involved in making a show.

      I get banned from the living room a lot.

      • you should come to my living room. I love the snarky comments as well! Fortunately/unfortunately I spend all my time alone so nobody else gets to enjoy my delightful habits.

        I also think this is why I am overwhelmingly obsessed with recaps- it is the next best thing to a snarky TV buddy

    • I think we all thought the same thing during #17, but also I had never seen “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” and so that episode inspired me to watch it which was a bad decision because it is suuuuuch heterosexual nonsense.

    • I know she primarily does comedy, but how did Grace Helbig never end up on Law & Order? She lived in NYC for years. All NYC actors end up on L&O. That’s, like, a rule, isn’t it? You don’t audition, you get a summons from Dick Wolf.

    • OMG Pine Knob!

    • OMG RIESE LILY TAYLOR. oh fuck fuck fuck please let’s! let’s do a list!! I LOVE LILY TAYLOR!

      i don’t watch any Law & Order but i do talk over the TV because i have two sons and there’s a fuckton of misogyny and awful shit in movies/shows, so i am COMPELLED to point out every single thing. i like to wait and sit quietly, just long enough for…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailWelcome to the sixth edition of Sunday Top Ten, a list of completely random and undoubtedly self-indulgent things that may or may not be published on a Sunday or number “ten.” This feature is a continuation of the […]

    • I felt very inspired by the end of this article.

      Also: What the hell, Olive???

      • After reading this, I started trying to figure out how many jobs I’ve successfully obtained– because I don’t know how to do exponents, so I can’t figure out the reject total– and I’m not really sure. I do know I got my first one when I was 14 (technically illegal, but I was paid under the table). I’ve been looking over my 2002-2010 blog…[Read more]

        • ” Is there even such a thing as a job where you learn 100% of the things you’d need to land The Perfect Job? To be that perfect candidate?”

          Exactly, and NOPE. I mean, we hire people here based mainly on their writing style and whether or not they can fill certain holes in our overall diversity or subjects we need people to write about, and…[Read more]

          • Pretty much everything you said in the second paragraph is what so many places that are hiring fail to articulate (or, if they can’t be explicit about it, candidates fail to understand– overall diversity/personality/overlap/and the work hard etc. things that you can often get a sense of in an interview). And, as a candidate (um, like myself, at…[Read more]

    • “And literally every single job I had gotten — some of which were definitely not my first choice — taught me skills I use in this job, from handling customer service e-mails (which I did for MoveOn) to accounting on Quickbooks (which I did at the literary agency).”

      Same! My coworkers always make fun of me because of the tips I’ve learned from…[Read more]

      • Yeah you seriously never know what’s gonna turn out to be hella useful! Honestly I think I was better prepared to run this website by having a bunch of random jobs in different fields than I would’ve been by just working at a lot of other magazines.

    • You really are a goddamn hero, and I mean that so sincerely from the deepest places of my heartspace.

      • Riese replied 1 day ago


      • but no, heather. YOU ARE THE HERO. YOU MADE THE BEST PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTO IN ALL THE LAND in which when my girlfriend and me were on the couch just now watching Law and Order SVU and I was reading her daily article I screamed “IS THIS REAL?!? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE STOOD NEXT TO DETECTIVE OLIVIA BENSON?!”

        a true hero.

    • This is so real. All of the wrong things lead to the right thing, thus making it SO MUCH SWEETER.

    • omg, I interned at bust magazine! I have no idea how I got it, because I have zero connections. they just plucked me randomly, somehow. it was cool that lots of my writing was published on their blog (without compensation). I did learn a lot from them, and will hopefully take my skills with me to another job.

      now I’m unemployed and don’t…[Read more]

      • I was also a BUST intern! I learned more there in four months than in four years of undergrad and the staff was really rad.

      • Maybe there should be a new group here: “unemployed and don’t know what I’m doing! yay!”

        I kind of feel the “yay!” is crucial.

    • Two things:

      1) this is incredibly inspiring and incredibly hilarious

      2) I think I would buy and read an entire book of your cover letters

    • I needed this encouragement today – thank you! Overall I’m pretty happy with my weird-ass life trajectory. But, in the middle of making big changes, and had a hard day today. This was a little salve.

      And I 100+% agree with the fact that you never know what skills you gain from one job that you will use in the future. I have a list of many…[Read more]

    • “I’ve got many more decades of life ahead of me in which I plan to write a lot of books. There’s still time. That was the hardest thing to understand, swallow and digest: even here, even now, even approaching my mid-thirties, there is still so much time.”

      I was so excited seeing these words in my Facebook feed that I swore to my girlfriend this…[Read more]


      I have done lots of courses. Whenever I lost a job I would do another course. Now I work with kids and I can swing it that all my past experiences and even hobbies benefit my job… Graphic design, admin shiz, guitar, being a computer wizz, animal enthudiast and general big kid myself.

      It has taken me a long time to get here…[Read more]

    • With surprisingly good costume skills

    • The student ID photo wins.

    • This article is great / funny / very relevant to my interests as I sit in my apartment trying to teach myself how to do things for this coffee roasting company that I started that nobody in their right mind would hire me to do (see, accounting.)

    • Loraine replied 1 day ago

      I don’t think I understood how much I needed to see this until it was unraveling on my screen. This is an incredibly inspiring piece and it makes me want to keep writing, no matter what! Thank you for Autostraddle. <3

    • Stefany replied 1 day ago

      “That was the hardest thing to understand, swallow and digest: even here, even now, even approaching my mid-thirties, there is still so much time.”

      Okay. Phew.

      Currently a late-20s college dropout, but planning to go back now that I actually have a reason to be there (with extremely mixed feelings about college in general!). Won’t be done…[Read more]

    • Erin replied 1 day ago

      This is nice to hear (and gives me hope) as I’m currently in the process of getting ignored for all the jobs that I want…

    • this was such an article i needed after numerous rejection letters.

    • This reminds me of that time you worked for me, which also seems kind of funny in retrospect. You were so enthusiastic and highly motived, a real proactive go-getter with an eye for detail. I knew that you were destined for bigger things.

      • Are you hiring? I hear some of your former employees have gone on to great things.

      • Thank you Crystal. You were an excellent boss, I was impressed with your ability to coordinate multiple tasks, communicate effectively with key stakeholders, and, OF COURSE, deliver deliverables

    • “Stay tuned for It Happened To Me: Nobody Would Hire Me To Work Here.”

      sorry was there stuff written after this because i read it, died laughing, and came back as a ghost to tell you

    • This was really funny, insightful and inspirational. I really fucking hope i can look back ‘n’ laugh about all the job rejections in 10 years time.

    • Bless this article. Bless you Riese. <3

    • “There’s still time.” This is so real! It took me a year out of college to realize it was FINE that I was working my old customer service job and at a restaurant. Nobody is keeping score. I’ve got years and years and years ahead of me with nothing to do except keep myself alive and figure out what I want to do.

      Once I relaxed about the fact…[Read more]

    • THANK YOU FOR SHARING THESE STORIES, RIESE! I have an interview today for a job which I would really like to actually get, but reading these puts things into perspective, so I’m going to try really hard not to freak out and get an upset stomach over my ridiculous nerves!

    • This speaks so closely to my post-college blues of a few years ago and current, what am I doing with my life conundrum?

      The times I have had the best luck with jobs was when I was the most authentically me. Nothing came out of these but I still got contacted:
      – The time I proposed hiring. A box with a will you hire me? sticker on the…[Read more]

    • This makes me feel weirdly great about the fact that I’m currently going through this exact process, and also reminds me to keep perspective on the breaks I appear to be getting, because shit can unravel real fast. But that’s okay, because you never make it til you do, right?

    • I think it’s ironically awesome that you interviewed for Afterellen. I still like that site for sure.

      But, I know I can always count on Autostraddle to have smart, insightful articles about…well, really interesting things (for lack of better phrasing.)

      I’m really glad that this website exists. I also wish that Julie & Brandy’s movie…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailWelcome to the ninth recap of the sixth season of Glee, a show that teaches every adult how to give themselves a home dental exam with a pipe-cleaner and a pair of pliers. This week was especially thrilling in […]

    • I can’t believe how much I find myself actually liking this batch of newbies even though I missed Brittana & Klaine this episode.

      • I really like Jane a lot, and I think that these new characters are actually way better than the New New Directions (Ryder, Marley, Jake, Joe, Rory). I wish they’d been introduced a few seasons ago instead of at the very end of the show’s run!

    • Ha! Yes! Breckin Meyer with Alex Vega Hair! That’s exactly what he looks like!

      I do think some of these new characters are better than most of the old group of new characters (and honestly I can only think of three of them off the top of my head, Kitty, Unique and Marley), but still, I would much rather watch more Brittany and Santana, or other…[Read more]

    • You missed the best quote from this episode: “Maybe I could take you next week? I could teach you how to eat your feelings” – Mason McCarthy

    • Riese I agree about the lyrics to that ‘Cool Kids’ song. LAZY and ILLOGICAL!

    • I’m definitely sad that this group doesn’t get more time. It also rushes the storyline in a really weird way- this whole “Spencer kisses a boy” thing feels like an after though, or maybe an encore? Like: “Let’s give ‘em one more gay kiss for the road, folks!”

    • I like this group of newbies specifically because they actually look like outsiders…that sounds mean, I realize, but the entire premise of the show in the beginning was all these awkward people who, through the power of song, got pretty and popular. But the previous groups didn’t actually seem all that outsider-y actually…if that makes sense?…[Read more]

  • HELLO and welcome to the 168th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Does anyone else feel like the Polyamorous Genius article was a little weird in terms of how it talked about… like polyamory and his girlfriend?

      • Wow, yes. Especially his answers to the second- and fourth-last questions, which were more about his interpersonal relationships in general I guess. Like, what exactly doesn’t make sense to him. Is it really so incomprehensible with his super large IQ that different people might experience the world/themselves/life… differently? Just because…[Read more]

      • yeessss!! he sounded really manipulative in some of it, particularly the parts where he acknowledges feeling like his gfs emotions are irrational and that he only pretends to agree so she feels validated? and blaming her speaking english as a second language for a lot of things?? tbh the guy sounded pretty insufferable to me.

        • From past experience, pretty much every self proclaimed ‘genius’ I have ever met, have been insufferable.

          So not at all surprising.

      • Yes, absolutely. He acknowledges that she isn’t totally comfortable with non-monogomy and assumes that this is because she’s Japanese and cannot understand the concept. It sounds like he definietly prioritizes his own needs above hers.

        I also think he’s completely wrong about intelligent people being more “logical” and less emotional. You can…[Read more]

      • Notwithstanding that a high IQ doesn’t mean a person is ‘smart’ at everything society values, the guy sounds to me more like a sociopath than a genius. People who manipulate others to achieve their own (often) hedonistic ends are not ‘geniuses’, they’re a pain in the ar*#. Here’s hoping he gets another phone so he can get into some counseling…[Read more]

      • Sara replied 2 days ago

        I totally agree… There’s a pretty major divide between testing well and being a genuinely intelligent person. He complains about his girlfriend’s English skills (“The girl I am with right now is very intelligent, but she’s also Japanese, so there’s a language barrier…. So we have a bit of an interpretation barrier. The biggest problems come…[Read more]

    • CR replied 4 days ago

      It’s worth noting (re: the Genius Poly article) that having a high IQ doesn’t mean you have a “fast” brain. I have a really slow brain– certifiably disabled slow– and I still have a genius IQ. Obviously, being able to do stuff faster at the same level of competency gives someone more advantage, but I spent a long time thinking I was dumb just…[Read more]

      • Processing speed actually does affect measured IQ. I administer cognitive tests as part of my job. Directly on Weschler tests, for example–indirectly on SB. But I digress. Still, the guy’s a dick and has a lot of other facts completely wrong.

    • The fostering piece was really interesting. I work with a lot of foster kids and I am regularly blown away by the kinds of people that my county/state deemed okay enough to raise a child. It’s horrifying and frustrating and heartbreaking when you’re sitting across a testing room from a six year old who was taken from hell after SEVENTEEN CALLS TO…[Read more]

      • “And that “genius” guy sounds like a dick. My father, who is a member of MENSA, likes to say that the higher your IQ, the lower your social skills. I think that’s usually pretty accurate, both from my personal life and my work.”

        Yup pretty much yes to all of this.

  • ThumbnailThis morning at the gym I was thinking about Tori from Saved By The Bell and how she reminded me of my babysitter and how I thought she was the all-time coolest and then I found out that the actress who played her […]

    • I AM HAVING SOME FEELINGS ABOUT TORI FROM SAVED BY THE BELL. I thought she was the coolest person in the world when growing up. I wanted to be like Tori. My sister always thought Kelly or Jesse was where it was at but nope, not me. Tori. Oh Tori.

    • lomy replied 5 days ago

      i did not even recognize sara from adventures in babysitting without her thor helmet!! god i love that movie. don’t fuck with the babysitter, y’all.

      also tori was perfection.

    • Speaking of Margaret Cho, would you like to see her doing something…interesting? She reads from “Sleeping Beauty” by A.N. Roquelaure while sitting on a vibrator.

    • I totally had a crush on Sarah Paulson in American Gothic back in the day. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111880/

    • This is probably my favorite post on the internet. Like ever.

    • Laneia replied 5 days ago


      also i googled maia brewton and holy shitttt she and her wife named one of their sons rizzo, so y’all can all go home now bc they’ve won the lesbian child-naming triathlon.

      • I don’t think I have ever seen that show. And yet, I still use “Parker Lewis can’t lose” as a viable pop culture reference in conversation. Which makes the people reading this article basically the only people in the world who won’t look at me like I’m nuts when I do.

      • I used to love Parker Lewis Cant Lose

        • That was a show ahead of its time. Back when a sitcom with no laugh track just couldn’t survive. But it was so good!

    • JP replied 5 days ago

      Kristy McNichol confused me in “Little Darlings.” I would get SO MAD (and didn’t know why) that she ended up with Randy and not Ferris! Because, c’mon! /a lot feelings

    • bra replied 5 days ago

      I’m trying to think of who in the TV series of the Baby Sister’s Club is openly queer or it could be a fanfic I read somewhere. Sometimes reading a lot of fanfics messes up my notions of reality.

      • How many of us do you think retroactively, subconsciously inferred that Claudia was queer after we discovered Margaret Cho?

      • OMG I loved the TV series almost as much as I loved the books. I can still remember every word to the theme song…

    • Alice replied 5 days ago

      Kennedy omg! You just made my day :)

    • Wasn’t Heather Matarazzo DJ’s girlfriend on “Roseanne”?

      • I had forgotten, but that’s right– the last season. I can’t exactly remember details, though– like what happens in the last episode? Does that turn out to be a real thing or one of the made-up ones?

        • She was, but it’s best to forget the final season. (And according to the finale, the entire series was made up, so it’s hard to say)

          • I do think I’ve pretty successfully repressed it. And, last night, after writing that comment, I was trying to straighten out exactly how that worked– the “didn’t happen like I said” and whole series never happened thing. Which is how I feel asleep. Bet everyone wishes their life could be this exciting!

    • I totally forgot Parker Lewis & Roseanne from my list of shows in the survey!
      I need a do-over!

    • I had to sneak out of the house to watch the Ellen episode. Since I was on lockdown to keep me from viewing the sitcom version of what everyone knew, I guess.

      I am feeling a little out-of-touch here, because I wasn’t allowed to watch so many of these shows. Uh, maybe you could do a post on PBS regulars . . . ? (kidding) (Nick at Nite, too)

      • Another TV sheltered kid here! Never quite understood how Full House wasn’t okay, but Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie or Brady Bunch was. Get the conservative Christian values straight mom!

        • I wasn’t allowed to watch any channels that showed commercials! Just pbs and the Disney channel. So I had to go to my friends houses to see anything cool.

          • Like I’ve never seen facts of life or Parker Lewis or anything. But some of these were on when I was a teenager and was allowed to watch things. I think we watched Ellen as a family actually, I was pretty lucky in that way!

            Id love to do some investigative reporting on zoobillie zoo, Sidenote

            • I would definitely read some investigative journalism about Zoobilee Zoo. Magic and wonder are waiting for you!

          • Same here. I had a pretty regular “visiting” rota that was actually timed to the TV Guide.

        • Agreed– I have, to this day, never seen Full House. And yet there’s Jeannie, virtually naked? A slave for some guy? Logic fail.

          My parents told me that our TV “didn’t get the Simpsons.” Ditto MTV.

          • I didn’t convince my parents to let me watch “The Simpsons” until I was in middle school, and they weren’t even conservative or religious. Still not sure what they thought was so awful about it.

        • I grew up with a few kids whose TV viewing was severely restricted by conservative Christian parents, but banning “Full House” is a new one! That show was kind of the definition of wholesome, I thought. Though I guess it did have a single dad raising kids with two other men, even though those men were his brothers, and at least one of them…[Read more]

    • Wait I didn’t know Amanda Bearse is a lesbian. It makes sense now though. I know she played her twin gay cousin(with if I am not mistaken a sweet butch cut) on an episode of Married With Children. In the episode she was like house sitting for the Darcys, and got a long well with Al, while being a big lesbian. I wonder how much of that style and…[Read more]

    • You know what nineties show I remember Sandra Bernhard best from? The Disney Hercules cartoon show. She voiced Cassandra, aka the best character on any show ever, the end. I have been rewatching it on YouTube and I love her even more as an adult than I did as a kid, which is kind of impressive because I reeeeeeally loved her as a kid. Come on,…[Read more]

    • Does anyone anywhere have a video of that L word audition because I would love to see the look on Kate Moennigs face.

    • It’s cool to see that Maia Brewton grew up to be a cute lesbian. Adventures in Babysitting was awesome. This is such a great group of women on this list.

      Support my lesbian-geek-comic-book loving movie: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1335851532/geek-loves-punk-comedy-about-a-lesbian-geek-and-he

    • Oh my god I had no idea that Sandra Bernhard was actually bisexual. O___O


    • Somewhat unrelated but on Camp we were talking about TV shows from the 80s and 90s and i mentioned I loved Jo from Facts of Life and my cabin mate said “but you are Jo from Facts of Life”
      That was one of the top 5 best compliments I ever got in my life

      • I’m still not over shipping Jo and Blair. That was the greatest sexual tension on any show in history.

        And you’re totally Jo. With better hair. (She was not immune from the unfortunate 80s bangs claw/mullet combo)

      • I was going to gush that getting compared to Jo Polniaczek is one of my life goals, but realized gushing is not very Jo-like. So uh, way to go there, pal!

    • Alternate Title: “Empirical Evidence Definitively Proves Gaydar is a Thing, starts at age 5.”

    • Tori, The actress that played Tori is gay.

      Do you understand just how much sense this makes!!!

      It’s like so many teenage thoughts just came rushing back and are no longer confusing! WOW

      • As horrible as the whole thing was, my biggest complaint about the Lifetime Saved By the Bell movie was that they ignored Tori completely.

    • Oh this is like a dream come true! I had such a crush on Tori!

    • Yeah, Kristy McNichol and Sarah Gilbert both broke the needle on my ping-o-meter. It’s all so … clear … now.

    • Kristy McNichol?! This makes my middle school self so freaking happy. Like reading that I literally got some of those tingles you get when someone you are super into walks into the room.

    • Wait, what? Ellen Degeneres is gay? :P

    • In my group of friends, “that’s so raven” is a code word for pointing out something very gay in mixed company. “Hanging with Mr. Cooper” is code word for the gay bar.

      • THAT’S GOOD

      • “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper” is where I’ve always remembered Raven-Simone from. I somehow missed “The Cosby Show,” possibly because it was on a channel that didn’t come in on our antenna out in the boonies.

    • Ok but why does that Greenberg/Creel family photo look like a poster for the upcoming spinoff CSI: Lesbian Moms?

      • I’m so glad someone else had that same reaction! I didn’t want to say anything but…that is an intense photograph of people I would NOT fuck with. nope.

    • Hah, Amanda Bearse is in my class! She is pretty great and hilarious and nice!

    • Ellen?! ELLEN IS GAY?!?!?!? THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Thumbnailfeature image by shutterstock

    I was putting together the introduction and infographic for our first roundtable about what it means to be a queer grown-up these days when it occurred to me: why am I spending […]

    • has this happened to anyone else? i don’t see any errors in the survey design

      • When I was filling out the survey, as I pressed Done, I got looped back to the start. Once I got to the end I noticed there was an extra question that wasn’t there earlier. Perhaps the loopback is because the survey was being worked on while we were filling it out?

        • “Perhaps the loopback is because the survey was being worked on while we were filling it out?”

          yup, i think that’s exactly what happened.

          • i got looped back after hitting done and now a lot of the fields i completed are blank again? that probably means i need to fill it out again huh? if i didnt get a “yay you did it!” confirmation?

      • Mine worked fine. Maybe whatever the issue was has been fixed now?

      • Mine went smoothly.

    • Done and done. Yay old people content! :)

      • What’s that? Speak up! Youngsters today. Mumble mumble. Remember when this was all fields/mars bars cost a penny/public phone boxes etc.

        Thanks Riese for caring about our opinions too.

        • JP replied 6 days ago

          Public Phone boxes? I actually took a picture of one the other day because I was AMAZED they were still around. And yes, I did pick up the phone and heard a dial-tone. And then I remembered how dirty those things are.

        • Those damn whippersnappers don’t even remember when Ellen first came out!

    • Nice! The survey I don’t even know I was waiting for all this time.

    • I turn 26 in a few weeks, and I am SO RELIEVED to find out that I don’ have to be an adult for another three years. Thank god. Here’s hoping I get my shit figured out by then.

      • Ha – same here! (25 for me). Definitely don’t feel ready to enter my 30’s.

        Unrelated – a random stranger asked me “are you a kid?” as I passed her on the sidewalk, and then told me I’d make an “awesome cougar” when I told her my age. Uh, thanks?

        • I’m 22 and I got carded at the movies on Valentine’s Day. Does it ever stop?

          • I’m almost 23 and was assumed to be fifteen or younger by the tram captain the other day. She was beside herself when I told her how old I was.
            I mean, I have dimples and a giant head which are both baby traits but STILL.

          • No. I get carded for booze (drinking age here is 18) and I’m 32.

          • Got carded at Waitrose last summer; thanks, I’m told, to my “style” (go Team Queer! I guess). I had no ID, but I was so clearly elated that he let me keep the bottle after some blase persuasion.

            I can at least promise that you’re likely to get to the point that you wish it didn’t: take it as a good opportunity to show some self-confidence!

          • That, or something like it back in the dark ages,used to happen to me too. Now I’m past 60. I just thought that I’d let you know that we, women, become generally invisible after 35ish definitely after 40.
            Although I had a very strange experience the other week when a guy in his late 30’s tried to chat me up only to be horrified when I told him I…[Read more]

      • lol when I read 29 I was like, oh… I guess I’m an adult now? I still don’t have my shit together yet.

      • Spoilers…You won’t.

      • Allison, good luck with figuring shit out by the ripe old age of 30. I didn’t, so I ended up going through a major crisis. At 35, I now feel like I finally got my shit together, but boy do I wish I let myself take the time I needed rather than pushing myself hard to have all the answers on account of being 30+.

    • so, am I the only immature one who’s like “but if I fill out the survey I’m admitting I’m old!”

      …even though it’s not as if I want to be mistaken for a young’un, either. basically…: ???

      • I kind of have that feeling all the time. I deal with it by yelling “get off my lawn!” at will. It’s my personal primal scream.

    • Whew – JUST made the 29-31 box.

    • thanks for this! submitted.

    • There was no option for “32-35, going on a very cynical and early to bed 94″. Color me disappointed. ;)

    • It’s a bit of a relief to think Autostraddle isn’t only for young kids.

      • Yes! We are actively trying to give readers over 30 what you all (we all) want to read so suggestions are always welcome.

    • Thanks for this! Submitted. Also, I’m in the weird early-30s flux where I’m not ready to be a real “adult,” yet I’m infinitely relieved that I never have to revisit my 20s.

      This survey also sent me down a 90s Nickelodeon-nostalgia rabbithole…I mean, Double Dare? Legends of the Hidden Temple? That was some quality programming.

    • JP replied 6 days ago

      As long as I can survey and eat my dinner at the same time, consider it done!

    • I feel only a little awkward and very happy to associate with people younger than me: and when you’re trans it can make a big difference, in terms of community.

      I know 35 used to seem “adult” but it’s really not all that different once you’re there: mostly you’ve fought battles and have the knowledge that you’ve tested yourself; existential…[Read more]

      • “existential angst is less of a thing.”

        Yes yes yes! I wouldn’t go back if I could.

        I tell people in their 20s that it gets better and people in their 40s tell me the same thing.

        • I’m in my 40s and am still waiting for all this great stuff about getting older to kick in. I am very, very patient, though. Also my knees and back hurt all the time now so I’m not exactly running toward any answers.

          • I’m pretty sure I’ve blocked out most of the difficulties of being younger, I just remember occasionally because I have tweens.

          • I’m with you on that one. I just turned 40 a few days ago, and, after all the shit that happened to me in the last year (my grandmother killed herself, my mother is dying, and my adorable teenage daughter just spent 5 weeks in a psychiatric hospital because she’s cutting herself and has black thoughts after being molested by her %$&?& boyfriend…[Read more]

    • I didn’t understand the question until it was too late… But I’m firmly Team Tonya. For the record.

      • Thank you for this additional data

        • Oh I just got it! I’m undecided. Back then, I was definitely Team Nancy, but I’m reading more about Tonya right this moment and I might be swayed…

          • Same. Well I mean I already submitted but now I’m reading Wikipedia and feeling badly for Tonya. And wondering if that land speed record thing is real or not?

            • I know I was so Team Nancy at the time but now I’m Team Tonya
              I’ve done a lot of reading on the topic

      • Omg I just realized! Is this ice skating related? Bahahaha. I need to read up, how is anyone Team Tonya?

        • Nancy was just kind of there, a no-personality blah . . . okay, I’m trying to explain why I like the defendant here. This may be difficult.

          Sex tape, CourtTV, Jurassic Park, great hair, boxing.

          Nancy would have been on Touched by an Angel. Tonya was Springer all the way.

        • OH, NOW I GET IT. Definitely Team Nancy, because Tonya is a crazy lady. I watched that interview they did with them not too long ago, and Tonya definitely lives in her own land, though i will say she had a tough life.

      • Team Michelle Kwan

      • I’m obvs Team Tonya, but can we also spare a moment to remember Katarina Witt’s great Robin Hood-style outfit and routine at the 94 Olympics?

      • Yeah, I totally missed what the question was about (even though something in the back of my head was screaming “figure skating,” I still didn’t figure it out). I was totally team Nancy at the time.

      • I’m from Vancouver, WA, same blue collar area, and my friend worked at the Starbucks that Tonya frequented so I gotta be Team Tonya. It’s like in my life contract.

      • Same here! I feel so stupid now that it didn’t comprehend in my mind. That was some intense stuff. Actually I thought that, due to Nancy’s reaction, that Tonya had stabbed her with her skates. After watching NBC’s documentary about the event during the last olympics I certainly feel bad for Tonya. Now it seems a little bit overblown.

    • Filled out and all. Excellent questions– you’re getting my hopes up! (good thing)

    • I’m actually pretty disappointed that I can’t fill out the survey :( Oh well. #2moreyears

    • So excited for more adults adulting

      • . . . or trying. But officially being the age where we didn’t get an award for trying. ::shuffles off to McDonald’s for morning senior coffee::

    • I said Team Nancy because violence but I do feel for Tonya. I think Tonya could have beaten her fairly, which is the saddest part.

    • This survey makes me feel like a very special snowflake.

      Or maybe just an old ice crystal, sprayed up from the crash-landing of a fallen figure skater.

    • Also, you want to know a Tonyanecdote?

      Many months ago, I had a book of essays on the whole Tonya/Nancy thing on my bedside table, and my ladyperson did a double-take when she spotted the name of the woman that had edited the book. It turns out she knew the editor and had knitted her a sweater right before she (ladyperson) came to the…[Read more]

    • Okay, am I being completely stupid? I’m not actually old enough to take the survey, but wanted a nose at the questions. But where is the link?? I’ve scrolled up and down this page 12 times and can’t find the survey. Does this mean I’m actually too old to take the survey and am actually 97?

      • Just above the woman on the left, it says ‘Fill it out now!’ – that’s the link.

        • Oh mine doesn’t. There’s just am exclamation mark that’s unclickable. Maybe it’s because I’m using firefox?

          Doesn’t matter anyway, I just interested.

    • Old enough to drink, vote and drive, but not to attend the Autostraddle Survey Event.

      In my head, behind that magical link-door, illuminated by the attractive blue glow of my screen, there’s a bunch of ‘old’ people sitting in comfortable chairs, watching re-runs of The L Word or Orange is The New Black, talking about ‘the old days’, taking…[Read more]

    • So much truth.

      And we did think we’d be able to magically start doing everything in the first paragraph. And yet our true talents definitely involve Netflix and knowing the best times to go to the grocery store to beat the crowds.

      • “And yet our true talents definitely involve Netflix and knowing the best times to go to the grocery store to beat the crowds.”

        It’s like one mind. TWINS!

    • Just a couple weeks shy of my 29th birthday, so I’m gonna count myself among the grownups and take the survey ;)

    • Done.

      I feel very accomplished and grown up after taking this survey. <3

    • I LOVE surveys! All the surveys! More surveys!

    • Thanks for this! I fucking love being 42. In my 30s I stopped giving a fuck, but now that I’m in my 40s I keep forgetting that I was ever supposed to. One thing I wish someone had told me when I was in my 20s is that pimples and crows’ feet can and do coexist, because they don’t give a fuck either. Sorry.

      • Been there! “WHY IS THERE ACNE IN MY WRINKLES?” Well, nobody ever told there wouldn’t be.

    • Wait, why is everyone saying they are Team Tonya? Is this really a thing? I mean, how could anyone be Team Tonya?

      (This is not a rhetorical question; I am really curious. I mean, I’ve always been under the impression that Nancy deserves 100% support, but now I feel like maybe there’s new information that I’m missing?)

      • I’m with you, I feel like I must be missing some critical information that has people Team Tonya. And now instead of working I want to spend my time researching this.

        • I’m team tanya because we skated at the same rink, clackamas town center, although i never met her. from her story, she made mistakes but the ppl around her like her mom were reported to be shady characters who were just using her for her talent. i admire that she was tough enough to go through all that and then reinvent herself as an actress and…[Read more]

      • I’d recommend the ESPN documentary “The Price of Gold” (I’m pretty sure it streams on Netflix). It changed all of my perspectives on the issue.

      • Thanks for your perspectives! I feel like I have some series documentary watching & researching ahead of me.

    • So I filled out the survey last night while my Mom and my daughter shopped for a dress for daughter to wear to the prom that she (to my surprise) agreed to go to with the boy who’s been crushing on her since the sixth grade, even though she’s currently happily dating a nice trans boy and strongly prefers to dress masculine of center most of the…[Read more]

      • Makes perfect sense and it’s a hopeful story.
        Love seems to know us better than we do sometimes, I guess.
        Also, isn’t it weird how that tender part in us that is responsible for being in love with someone, however unrequited, endures through the years?
        I wish you a pleasant evening with a very good glass of wine, or hot chocolate, and lot’s of…[Read more]

      • I think it’s a neat little story: Hope it goes well for them!

        • I’m sure they will have a lovely time. Daughter is delighted to be going, middle-school friend is a good-hearted and gracious young person, and, as a bonus, daughter and her grandmother are bonding over outfit-shopping in a way that I haven’t seen them do for several years. As far as my own piece of the story, sixth-grade friend and I actually had…[Read more]

      • i loved this story! no such thing as oversharing. oversharing is a patriarchal construct.

    • hm, re-thinking my answer to out celebrity/public figure (I answered Ellen and Freddie Mercury),but my first known person actually might be Martina Navratilova but I have no idea when she came out publicly…

      • Damn, forgot about Martina and BJK

        • me too! cross out Ellen and put down Martina!

          the thing is: I remember watching tennis with my folks and recall that everyone admired Martina but we’re also a bit creeped out by her. she wasn’t feminine enough… *sigh* another subtle, unintentional micro-message to little me that who I was wasn’t ok.
          yay 1980’s!

      • I had the same problem; I couldn’t figure out who was when. I could think of people (but, like you guys, I’m thinking all sorts of people I forgot), but I really didn’t have any sort of timeline.

        The REALLY weird one for me was Joan Jett, the only one I Googled because I was that sure she would have been the first. The answer I ended up…[Read more]

    • Filled it out! Something I’d really like to see is more stuff coming from a place where something (whether that’s gender identity, sexuality, health issues etc) has been part of your life for decades. It’s not new stuff to you; you’re not having big revelations about your identity but it’s just there in the background, humming away quietly.…[Read more]


        your suggestion is actually one of the themes that kept coming up when we had a meeting about this earlier in the month, so this is awesome, i feel like we’re really on the right path here.

        thanks for filling out the survey!

    • If we are turning 29 this year but are not there yet, do you want us to fill it out?

    • Well this is an apt thing to find on autostraddle on my 30th birthday!

    • Survey filled out! Thanks for this. I’ll be 34 on March 11, and I often feel like the oldest person here, and like a lot of it just doesn’t apply.

    • Something I’d like to see more of is focus on those of us who have been out for like, forever, are secure in our identities, what we want and need in relationships,etc.

      It’s completely understandable that there would be more focus on folks who are just figuring things out, but that focus kind of leaves the rest of us out in the cold sometimes.…[Read more]

    • About to turn 35 – appreciate this angle! Though I have to say I think you’re already doing a great job for the early thirty somethings (see I’m clinging to that…) but I can see that perhaps there’s a gap to be filled beyond that!
      The 80s /90s tv show references always bring joy!

    • Hi, all,
      Interesting survey – I am a statistical outlier at age 55. I have been out since 1977. Since then, in & out of the closet – mostly in for my physical & financial safety. Mostly out when I was partnered and felt reasonably (mostly financially) safe.
      There was a time when I could have never imagined a world/society that did more than…[Read more]

      • Super, super interesting post/reflection. You really have a good way of tying in different attitudes/cultural perceptions with personal experience to give a frame of reference. I’m not explaining what I mean well, but you just gave essentially a very brief, fairly personal, but also very culturally aware capsule of your experience. I really…[Read more]

    • FYI, there is a Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding MUSEUM opening soon in Brooklyn. This is urgent. http://gothamist.com/2015/03/02/tonya_harding_kerrigan_museum.php

    • I am having all the Nancy Vs. Tonya feelings right now. The only thing I am missing is the non-fashionable leggings and giant scrunchies.

  • ThumbnailHello human beings who dream of Mount Feelings! If you want to come to A-Camp but just can’t afford the tuition and travel, then have we got good news for you!

    A wonderful resplendent anonymous human has […]

  • ThumbnailRecently when we were back in the heartland visiting family, my Aunt took my girlfriend Abby’s hands in her hands and said, “We’re so glad Marie has met a nice girl from the Midwest.” Probably what she meant by […]

    • If you start missing Shoney’s too badly, you can make the exploding strawberry pie from the OITNB cookbook. It tastes exactly the same.

      • exactly the same as the strawberry pie from Shoney’s. Not the same as the whole of the Shoney’s menu.

    • My mom probably still has a Shoney’s stuffed bear somewhere in her crawlspace we picked up during a road trip to Florida a million years ago.

    • just gonna leave this photo here. shoney’s + pickup truck + factory with an american flag should probably make me a winner in redneck bingo or somety

    • The Waffle House menu in Bloomington IN includes a unique regional menu item, grits log I believe it was called. Of course I ordered it out of pride at my southern roots and also being drunk after an awkward night out dancing at The Axis, the only gay club in town at the time. As the waitress explained to drunk homegirl and I at 4 o’clock in the…[Read more]

    • I’ve never actually been to a Steak ‘n Shake when the sun was up. Too many nights while attending college in Michigan were spent drunk and smoking at 2am, crammed into a Steak ‘n Shake booth while devouring cheese fries and milkshakes. Glorious.

      • I actually hadn’t been to any Steak ‘n Shakes until visiting Abby’s family in Indiana last year, but I’d heard about it. When I was searching for photos of Steak ‘n Shake they were all night-time photos and I was like oh okay this is when people go to this place. We’d go to Denny’s, or to The Fleetwood which was a diner in downtown Ann Arbor that…[Read more]

    • California has no Waffle Houses? *boggles*
      Where the fuck do Californian’s get late night, post-too-much-drinking grits that are shit for grits but better than no grits at all when you are far away from a grits making home?

      Its like pizza and (consensual) sex: even kinda crappy is better than none when its what you want.

      • We have 24 hour mexican food, with local avocados, nachos, and of course fries.

        • I’m all for 24 hour Mexican. One of my preferred meal styles is mexican food (and living in the SW there’s many an option.)

          But when I want a bowl of grits, like my family made, polenta, no matter how delicious, just ain’t the same.

          Grits are my madeleines. Take that Proust.

          • I guess since i’ve never had grits(or at least real southern grits), so i don’t miss it. Though if I was say in the mid-west or the south I’d miss 24 hour Mexican food, with guac made in store.

      • Also in SoCal we have Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. I am not sure what time it closes, but it’s a fun place to be as there is always one lively character there having fun.

        Also, did a search nearest actual Waffle House chain to California is in western Arizona.

        • Ah, yeah, I’d forgotten about Roscoe’s. Been years since I went to one. All my LA friends moved to Seattle years ago.

          Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus – even Californians can get late night grits.

        • also isn’t IHOP open 24 hours?

          • I think some are, just like some McDonald’s and Subways are.

            • Wait why on earth would a subway be open 24 hours

            • Because sometimes you’ve been drinking all night, and you don’t want tacos, and want melted cheese on questionable turkey meat. Or you are in college and it was walking distance. I know of at least 5 in my area.

    • Oh man, Waffle House. Those places always seem so depressing… but it’s like bleak yet in a vaguely endearing way?

    • Omg, my gf and I LIVED at the Ponderosa in Rutland, VT when we first started dating. Later, when we visited her family in the south, she introduced me to the wonder that is Waffle House, something that New Englanders are deprived of. You’ve brought back so many greasy but happy memories!!!

    • I can’t say I am familiar with Golden Corral, but I do keep seeing commercials for them out here in SoCal. Like most chain restaurants out here, I just assumed these stores were located in Riverside, or Ventura, and not on the West and Downtown Los Angeles area.

      I can’t speak for the other Bob’s Big Boy, but the first was started out here in…[Read more]

      • Yup, I just checked, there is a Golden Corral out here, it’s in Roland Heights a suburb of Los Angeles that boarders Orange County(is to the south) and San Bernardino(to it’s east). I also check and there is one in Tracy, California in Northern California, east of San Leandro.

    • I cannot believe that Kokomo, Indiana is making an appearance on any list on the internet, much less one on Autostraddle! Speaking as a child of both the Midwest and South, I would say all that’s missing off this list is Bob Evan’s, provider of pretty ok biscuits and gravy.

      • When I was a small child, and didn’t know my geography, my world view was warped by the line ‘off the Florida keys’ and my mistaken belief the song Kokomo was about Kokomo, Indiana.

      • but bob evans is on the list! and mentioned in the excerpt! and in my tweet about the article!

        • I just noticed that and that means this list was already perfect to begin with!

    • ‘its location in Ann Arbor adjacent to Briarwood Mall beneath The Olive Garden with outdoor seating overlooking a man-made pond was to die for’

      • we celebrated my friend’s 21st birthday at this exact Max & Erma’s at a table overlooking the pond.

        • I’ve never been to the US but am totes sold on this enticing description alone

    • Omg I miss Donatos sooooooooo much!!!! They aren’t in Florida either so everytime I go home to Ohio I make my family get Donatos.

      Also this list is like the history of my life, practically all my immediate family worked/works at Bob Evans, it’s an institution and my brother has drug me to steak and shake and big boy more times than I count.…[Read more]

    • Pondegrossa. noo. why.. why would you bring back these memories i worked so hard to repress?

      Also, my last week in Indiana I had IHOP twice and Waffle House three times. Greasy generic breakfast foods are my weakness..

    • “Waffle House consistently excels at being open.” So true. I’ve eaten at Waffle Houses across multiple states, and they will never win any awards for taste or variety, but you can always find one near your hotel or open late when you’re drunk and need carbs.

      I live in NC and have only eaten at Golden Corral once, and it was disgusting. I can’t…[Read more]

      • Nah, GC is pretty awful anywhere. Except the rolls, the rolls are the one solid thing they get right

    • I had my first/ last Bob Evans after a week in the woods living on such concoctions as nutloaf. (We all make terrible , terrible mistakes in our life. The week preceding was a mistake. That breakfast bowl and pie were not mistakes.)

    • Ooh my mom used to work at a Big Boy’s, she quit because “there were too many bosses”.

    • A. steak and shake is perfect because nothing costs more than 4.99. Literally. I mean it. I once bought dinner for 15 girls and it was $85. They also have delicious milkshakes.

      B. Abby’s description of Golden Corral is so accurate. The sweet rolls are pretty kickass though…

    • I see your Waffle House and raise you a Huddle House! Another Georgia-baby, this is definitely a cousin greasy-spoon, but it’s subtly nicer. A little bit cleaner. Smells a little better. Food slightly tastier. And the red restaurants look a lot less dreary than the faded yellow of Waffle House. Their BBQ sandwiches are the taste of summer vacation…[Read more]

      • hahahahaha

      • Haha that’s great! I feel like you could actually get a lot of wedding-registry type things at Cracker Barrel. They sell, like, pots and pans and dishtowels and whatnot. My aunt once got Christmas presents for our whole family from Cracker Barrel because of her employee discount.

      • Oh I fucking love the shit out of Cracker Barrel but unfortunately it’s nationwide so I couldn’t include it. I’m still heartbroken that glee has never had a scene in my favorite Cracker Barrel in the real Lima, ohio.

        • I somehow can’t believe Cracker Barrel is nationwide. It’s so crazy. They should go global-like, it’s everything Europeans secretly want America to be.

        • Almost nationwide, I didn’t see California listed on their site.

          • Yeah, they have them in Arizona and Utah though which sort of disqualifies it from being considered a primarily Midwest/South thing. I was also really surprised when Laneia mentioned eating at Cracker Barrel in Arizona I seriously thought it was just an Ohio / Michigan / Indiana thing.

      • the thing about cracker barrel is that last i checked it’s like ragingly homophobic and racist? that might have eroded over time though. but i know my mom would never take us there for that reason, even though the highway billboards made it look so good.

      • I still love those peg games to this day.

    • I moved to San Francisco from Alabama, and I miss so Waffle House all the time.

      I tried to explain it to someone and they were like, “Oh, is it like Mel’s Diner?”
      I responded, “Um… kind of, but a lot dirtier and cheaper.”

      In Birmingham you used to be able to smoke in Waffle Houses, and when I was in 9th and 10th grade the cool thing to do…[Read more]

    • Steak n’ Shake= where all the disgruntled teenagers who didn’t do anything particularly bad went to not be home at 2 AM.

      • I think that’s when we went to Mejier’s and hung out in the beanbag chairs

        • Note to self: When time-travel becomes a thing of the now, tell bb Cameron to go to Steak n’ Shake for food THEN go to Meijer’s for bean bag chairs. And also to invest in either a belt or jeans that fit.

    • Oh, Waffle House…literally your only use is that you are 24 hours, so you can provide basic sustenance when a Denny’s isn’t open. I’ve gotten food poisoning from Awful House more times than I have the sketchy delivery Mexican restaurant in the town I went college in (which is really saying something.)

      Steak & Shake also has the benefit of…[Read more]

      • I JUST WANNA EAT SOME CANNED PEARS IN A SMALL CUP/PLATE HYBRID YOU KNOW? It’s honestly so weird to me that it closed ’cause it was packed every time we went. We obvs just called it “knapps” for short, it was like the reliable go-to, “unobjectionable” is totally the exact right word.

        • Two thoughts:
          1) Bill Knapps to me brings up memories of ham croquettes and potatoes au gratin.
          2) Wow there are a lot of folks with personal experience of the subject region on this thread!

    • nothing beats the glazed “dunkers” donuts from Bill Knapp’s.

      also Riese did you ever experience Ram’s Horn??

    • This is like a list of every restaurant that my family has stopped at on a road trip when we’re all grumpy and tired of being in the car together and disappointed that there’s no Cracker Barrel nearby.

      Also you can totally buy Chi-Chi’s salsa at the grocery store! I might try it next time because I definitely want to “salsify” my life.

    • Culver’s butter burgers are the only thing I miss about living in the midwest

    • Never posted before but my childhood in metro Detroit and college in Ann arbor compelled me!! I drew a picture of my dad wearing a GM pin when I was 7 that was included in the ellias brothers big boy children’s magazine because Detroit My first girlfriend and I would go on dates to the Ann harbor bill knapes for fried chicken n chocolate cake.…[Read more]

      • Love Olga’s love orange cream coolers love the menu item that is just cheese melted on a delicious piece of pita bread all smashed together love Olga’s in the mall all day every day Olga’s

      • ohhh how I miss Olga’s. orange cream cooler and a basket of snackers, please.

    • Waffle House is the precise reason I gained my sophomore, junior and senior 15 in college. Tallahassee has like 3 of em and they are ALWAYS OPEN and SO cheap. Being the rebel without a cause that I am, I’ve eaten maybe 2 actual waffles in all of my visits there? It’s all about the burgers for me. It’s a blessing and a curse that there isn’t one…[Read more]

    • This made me a lot more nostalgic than I expected! Brings back memories of when I was living in Indiana. I didn’t even eat out very much, but I still saw most of these places around, and Donatos was a regular hangout for me and a group of friends.

    • I enjoyed living in the South a lot more before I became a vegetarian. *sheds a tear*

    • Oh man, this is basically just a list of all my mom’s favorite restaurants…minus Perkins. I’m pretty sure my mom is the only person on the planet who legitimately enjoys Perkins. It’s just a sad Bob Evans.

    • This post made me realize I can never leave Ohio because these are all of my favorite places.

      Also, what about Eat’n Park? The salad bar is literally my favorite thing.

      • Andrea replied 1 week ago

        Eat’n park’s midnight breakfast buffet got me through college!

    • Frisch’s-The first time I went home with Riese’s dad he took me to Frisch’s. He was so excited, he took the menu from me and insisted on ordering for me, a Big Boy with extra Frisch’s sauce. It wasclear to me that this was an important rite of passage for our relationship. Riese and her brother are here today because I raved on and on about the…[Read more]

      • hi mom! thank you for the big mac / frisch’s trivia, that is and interesting thing i didn’t know! also keeping my fingers crossed we can have chocolate milk if we go to ponderosa next time i visit

    • Grew up in Iowa, Minnesotan since 2008 for the most part. Dairy Queen is a way of life. If you didn’t have a DQ ice cream cake at your childhood birthday parties, you were most certainly not cool!

      • We have been talking about how much we want a dipped cone from DQ like every day this month

        • Abby replied 1 week ago

          i had a “chocolate covered strawberry” ice cream cake from the DQ on my 18th birthday and im pretty sure NWTS

    • “In college my writing teacher pointed out that I’d somehow managed to include Big Boy in every story I’d turned in that year.” <– I have never loved you more.

    • shoney’s was supposedly the best place to get spaghetti. i don’t know if that was true or just my grandmother’s opinion. the last thing i ate from shoney’s was a bowl of pretty good minestrone on the way home from somewhere, probably a high school basketball game. i always wanted a shoney’s bear but no one ever thought it was important enough to…[Read more]

    • These are just mediocre restaurants where I grew up in South Western PA. I mean Max & Ermas is da bomb, and waffle house is the best midnight snack place in America. But it is shocking to me that people find these places at all spectacular.

      Grass is always greener, folks.

    • Steak and shake will always be a disappointment with a name like that not being a delicious cheesesteak establishment. It just feels like a lie to a me. But that could just be my east coast roots talking. Also max and ermas, do they make delicious chocolate chip cookies? I don’t remember eating there but I remember always requesting chocolate chip…[Read more]

      • When I was 20, it was new years Eve and my friends realized I never stolen anything, so they dared be to steal the serving spatula from the Max and Erma’s cookies. I still have it. Still the only thing I’ve stolen.

    • Oh I LOVE Friendly’s! It’s just an East Coast thing though right? We used to go all the time when I lived in Massachusetts for one year, especially for this ice cream sundae that involved all kinds of Reese’s Pieces and other amazing wonderful delights for the mouth.

      I remember seriously feeling like the servers at Bill Knapp’s had genuine…[Read more]

    • found this, would like to share it with the group:

      • it’s like giranimals but for food!

      • Abby replied 1 week ago

        “hi i noticed everything on your menu has animal product…by chance are there any diagrams of plants i could order from?”

    • My mom always used to call Waffle House the “Awful Waffle”

      This list really speaks to me because I grew up in Ohio and moved to Wisconsin. Sadly a lot of the Ohio chains haven’t even made it as far as Wisconsin. I think there’s something wrong with Wisconsin.

      But I feel like only people who live in Ohio understand how great Ohio us, even…[Read more]

      • I grew up in Akron, and whenever i bring friends home from out of town, they can’t understand why I love it so much.

      • Sara replied 1 week ago

        Most of these chains are at least in Illinois, so maybe they will continue moving north? I was really surprised to find out that Steak ‘n Shake isn’t all over wisconsin.
        Also, when someone says “Ohio chains”, I think of skyline and cringe.

    • Abby replied 1 week ago

      love it

    • Al replied 1 week ago

      Speaking of Waffle House, I saw this news today. I think you may interest you Riese.


    • All of the friendly’s around here closed!!! Where am I supposed to get a watermelon ice cream roll?!?!

    • Andrea replied 1 week ago

      Oh I remember Bill Knapps. I worked there as my second job before going to college. It was a mix of people “out on the town” from the retirement home, and the families that drove in from the country for the free cake. At least once a day someone would ask the question “do I have to buy anything to get my free cake?”. But,the people I worked with…[Read more]

    • Sara replied 1 week ago

      I drove through Mississippi after a hurricane and the waffle houses were the only things open. I swear they must be the most heavily reinforced restaurants on the planet.

    • Got to mention Mr. Waffle.

      I saw Elvis there once. For real. He was having . . . waffles.

      But it was definitely Elvis.

    • god what even *does* California have, then

      Truly, though, I had no idea some of these were so regionally limited! And it’s hilarious that these restaurants seem to have occupied the same place in Midwestern life of the 1990s no matter where in the state you were (I grew up in West MI). Ponderosa was evidently hated by parents everywhere; I…[Read more]

    • RIESE! Thank you so much for reminding me of the kids meals at Bill Knapps. Thank you for existing and being midwestern and 30-something and queer making ME feel less alone in the world.

  • HELLO and welcome to the 167th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • It seems as though when sex work is legalised, the problems don’t originate so much from the nature of the work as much as the nature of labour relations under capitalism. For example, agricultural production also has a problem with trafficked workers being brought against their will to work the fields, but people don’t seem to have as much moral…[Read more]

    • <3 I can’t wait to hear, whenever that one day is. Thank you for making a place where we can be queer with our dead parents all at once.

    • I see your point, but I would argue that the language of the law doesn’t always reflect the preferred language of the people it affects (see the Indian Affairs department of Canada)

      Prostitution is usually defined as the illegal exchange of sexual acts for money, which is no longer the case in Germany. The terms I know some workers prefer are…[Read more]

    • So that article and that interview about genetic sexual attraction. Wow.

      This part from the interview really resonated with me:

      “It’s like hitting an exposed nerve. A big part of me still feels bad and to blame, like people will hate me or doubt me if I tell them. And that’s what a lot of people live with, not just with incestuous sexual…[Read more]

    • I experienced GSA with my biological dad, when I met him at 25. Thankfully I was in grad school for counseling and had already been made aware by other adoptees that GSA was a thing that could happen. But I was still totally unprepared for the flood of emotions that happened. I had a supportive partner, strong personal boundaries, and a biological…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailIn 1892, the entire country was captivated by the trial of Alice Mitchell, a 19-year-old from a respected Memphis family who’d gone and murdered her ex-fiancee Freda Ward after Ward reneged on their plan to get […]

    • Would you look at that, I’m vicariously menstruating as I’m writing this. Guess you’ve caught me.

    • I am halfway through this book and everything about this whole story is BONKERS, everyone is BONKERS for various reasons, it’s so delicious.

      also re #8: would it….would it have been better if she wanted to adopt? would it have been better if she’d thought they COULD have children? I have questions for this doctor.

      • I love it so much because I love reading historical versions of things that still happen today. Like “stalking your ex on instagram to see if she’s really staying in tonight” becomes “taking a buggie to the docks to check if she really could’ve left town on a boat tonight”

        • ‘did not balk at being called a tomboy’ suddenly the 1890s are so relatable.

    • Oh man, I wonder when I’m going to murder. :(

    • So, even back then playing/liking baseball was a sign of being a queer lady?

      • The prosecution actually took a huge issue with the inclusion of her baseball-playing as evidence, moreso than other ideas presented in the trial. From the book:

        “By the time Lillie confirmed that Alice had been on the baseball team at Miss Higbee’s, as if it were a revelatory admission, Attorney General Peters had heard enough. He took issue…[Read more]

    • “She was regarded as mentally wrong by young men.”

      If this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

    • I sincerely hope I’m not the only one who had to google “skinning the cat”

      • i did not but thanks to you i did and now i feel a whole lot better about the whole thing

      • Do not recommend if you have ‘safe search’ turned off.

      • I did not, but I am now going to be questioning all the apparently ‘straight’ and allegedly ‘not insane’ circus people I train with…

    • this is so good!

    • Sounds interesting. I wonder if this inspired the trope of the scary obsessive lesbian who turns violent when her lover reforms to a good straight girl. It’s an a lot of the exploitation pulp fiction

    • loving #4. Lezzers: rousing suspicion through asymmetrical practices circa 1892

    • I want to turn this into a musical SO badly. This is singing to me.

      • Apparently Sarah Bernhardt wanted to turn the story into an opera but never did, and there was a play called “Alice and Fred” that ran at the Cherry Lane Theater in 1988.

    • Wait am I missing something? Was same-sex marriage legal in 1892? Was Tenessee the first state to allow this? Were they openly engaged? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

      • no, it wasn’t legal! but it also was not entertained or discussed in any way, you know? so even though she’d never heard of a woman marrying another woman, she also didn’t know of any woman being told she couldn’t marry another woman. alice just had it in her head that she could dress up like a man and marry her girlfriend if she wanted to. the…[Read more]

    • oh man, i can’t wait to read this book!

    • Let’s turn down the rude just a touch.

    • This was very entertaining to read!

    • I can’t even imagine the poor quality of writing I would be producing if I was putting in the insanely massive amount of hours Riese dedicates to this community every week.

    • I also want to see this as a musical or play.

    • She was into “tops”?

      Remarkable that history preserved that detail. Tells us something about Freda, too.

    • Also, I Googled “lesbian barebacking,” to see if there actually was an equivalent meaning for that. Or because I’m a creepy weirdo with a search history that deserves a warrant. Whatever. At any rate, this is what I found:

      “More unfamiliar, to almost any reader, will be the train of thought that Stockton pursues here: The suggestion that…[Read more]

    • I just keep re-reading this list. This explains so many things…

    • “Her best friend’s older brother asked her to dance this one time and she said no, she’d rather lie in a hammock with her best friend”

      same girl….same.

    • This “sewing as defense against lesbianism” is definitely a thing. In the Old Idaho State Penitentiary there is an excellent parole application letter from a teenage girl who, despite being convicted of bigamy for marrying three men, was accused of being a lesbian.

      Here is her proof she has reformed:

      Since I have come back this time there…

      [Read more]

    • I think some of the best articles on this site are Riese’s herstory series.

    • Well I can’t be insane, I’m scared of horses and wouldn’t even ride with nine saddles so that’s it, better hand in my rainbows.

    • I think I also fail to “balk” when people call me a tomboy or similar. I should probably work on my balking skills, but I’m not altogether sure how to adequately balk at insinuations. Is there a YouTube tutorial for that?

    • This is like a list of things I look for in a girl.

    • shit all those best friend hammock naps…i knew it

    • This article reeks of ableism. Plz no.

    • Seeing how I could be this woman (minus the killing), gay is the constant in this universe.

    • I read this article yesterday and then dreamt about it last night:

      I was Alice Mitchell and had murdered my beloved. Riese and Laneia were my lawyers, trying to prove I was insane.

      There was a weird repeating cycle where I would be all femme-d up; Laneia would yank off my jewelry, smudge off my makeup, and thrust some baseball item (bat,…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailEnormous age gaps seem to be a lot more common amongst same-sex couples — I’ve personally got a ten-year age gap in my relationship. A 2013 survey found that LGBT people were more likely than straight people to be […]

    • Ellen is really that age? I want to know what her secrete is(beside having an amazing & funny wife) that keeps her looking young?

    • “…when Maddow was hired to do yard work on Mikula’s Berkshires property.”


      • *ugly cackle*

      • YUP! Seriously can’t get any gayer than that. Their love story always cracks me up, lol.

      • Meg replied 2 weeks ago

        Literally came down here just to say that. My first thought was “wait, is this porn?”

      • I feel like I read an interview once where Rachel described herself as a “pool boy” which makes all of this even better

    • jenny shimizu is 47??!!! looking good mama, everybody here is looking good. considering the prejudices that queer people have to deal with, i would find it odd if we were particular about the age of our mates. generalization i know, but I’m okay with it

    • That description for Maddow and Mikula is like reading the back of a lesbian romance novel. Perfect!

      • I came here to say this. “MSNBC Superstar Rachel Maddow and artist Susan Mikula met in 1999, when Maddow was hired to do yard work on Mikula’s Berkshires property” reads like the first line of my new favorite erotica.

        • I feel confident this was during the period of time that Rachel Maddow had shaved her head and wore cargo shorts a lot, which adds to the perfection of this image

        • I definitely pictured a really cute scene of Rachel showing up in khakis with lawn equipment and a smile. Later in this mental movie, there’s a flashback of Rachel calling up every other lawn service in the area to somehow make sure that she was the one that got hired for the job.

    • The “lesbian years” thing is legit. It took a friend pointing it out to me to understand it; most women my age that I meet have come out sometime in the past 2-5 years – while I came out when I was in middle school.

      I just…really really don’t care about the L Word…like, I probably would have, had it been around during my queer puberty, but…eh…

      • you mean like your lesbian age is more how many years ago you came out than your actual age?

        • That’s basically the idea, although personally I think “coming to terms with” is more important than the act of coming out.

          Basically, when I got to college and I had queer girls telling me to my face that I should cut my hair, that I “needed” to watch/read/listen to this/that, I was really hurt and angry. I’d gotten crap from straight people…[Read more]

          • Strangely, I had the opposite experience it was the people that came out really young that seemed to be really into the L word and queer. It’s like queer culture was their clique in adolescence.

            Though yea, I think there are different developmental arcs depending on a combination of coming to terms with and coming out. I realized I was…[Read more]

          • Queer puberty, that’s brilliant. I totally agree. I had mine in my early 30s.

    • Yaaaay, I love this!

      I’m 23 and my wife is 37, and we basically couldn’t be happier. We met when I was 20, and I was kind of like, “Uhhhh, what’s happening? Is this…okay?” Turned out to be a lot better than okay. :)

      • yeah, it’s weird, you realize that there are simply a lot of things you can or cannot have in common with a person, and age is just one of them. not the most important thing, just a thing. there are lots of things my girlfriend and i have in common that turn out to be a lot more important than the year we were born in.

        • I was feeling weird about being 31 and dating a 21 year old, but the way my room mate explained it helped: after a certain age, you’re both adults.

    • Ahhhhh so THIS is why I find myself constantly attracted to women who are 10-15 years older than me! Good to know I’m not the only one.

      Now, if only said women were not all universally straight and married as well…

    • “In a World” is not a documentary. It’s fictional.

      • To piggyback off of this comment, you also spelled Stephanie Allynne’s name wrong two different ways in this article. I know you want to publish something every day, Riese, but I think you should check things over more carefully!

        • i thought “in a world” was a documentary because that’s what i had in my head but my head was wrong. like i didn’t read that somewhere and not fact-check the fact, i added a “fact” from my head into this piece and it turns out that i was wrong and my head is full of lies! so i’m sorry about that, i’ve changed it. but checking things over more…[Read more]

          • Michael is IMPOSSIBLE to spell, and also all our brains are lying to us 98% of the time, is my opinion/personal fact

          • i didn’t mean to sound like an a-hole :/ i’m just anal retentive about spelling. i got an email the other day with “unfortunately” spelled “unfourtnely” and i almost jumped out of my skin.

            you’re doing a great job with the site and sorry if i came off nitpicky.

            • Riese replied 2 weeks ago

              it’s okay! i think if you ever got an e-mail from me you would probably stab your eyes out. but i finally learned how to spell kate moennig and restaurant so i’m almost a spelling bee champion

          • Sally replied 2 weeks ago

            No, but Riese, when are you going to start spelling astrosaddle correctly.

        • I would like to mention that while many many sites have spelling errors, AS rarely has errors in CONTENT; it is so uniformly awesome here in terms of progressive, informative, supportive, etc etc etc.

          To curate an online space with this result is outstanding. Spelling errors become like messy hair on a cute human — part of your charm.

    • Tig Notaro is soo adorable!!! She looks so cute and happy w/ her wife. I saw her perform twice during Sketchfest in SF a few years ago and she brought down the house. I listen to her Professor Blastoff podcast; it’s hilarious. My favorite quote of hers is, “I am drop, dead, cute.” lol! I now use that to describe myself when it’s appropriate. …[Read more]

    • My 30th bday is fast approaching and I started to get the sweats thinking Im officially too old for a bunch of queers, and the ones my age all seem to be shacked up. Then I see how hot so many of these ladies are, and I hope my vampire like aging benefits me as well as Jenny Shimizu’s.

    • In a World isn’t a documentary. It’s a pretty cute movie, though, written/directed/starring Lake Bell, though, who’s a talent worth keeping an eye on.

    • I feel like we need the opposite list of couples who don’t have much of a gap! It seems rarer.

    • I’m stunned that Ellen is 57, she looks no older than maybe 40. My first girlfriend was 15 years older than me (I was 22 at the time)

    • Jeannette winterson!

      Also, that fat is a feminist issue book is real annoying. But she probably has other qualities.

    • I legit keep coming back here to look at that photo of Rachel Maddow and Susan Mikula. It just makes me so gladful and cheerness. Am I creeper?

      Also how many people would laugh at me if I got those blue frames even though I don’t need glasses?

    • Yeah the person I’m dating is 11 years older than me but I forget about that most of the time cause we have practically everything else in common. Not that I don’t tease her about it fairly regularly…

    • I think you meant to say “same sex couples” in the headline, unless you are positive that all 20 of these women are lesbians!

        • I mean this 100% respectfully, but writing bi erasure into your policy doesn’t make it not bi erasure. I personally find that way of thinking a bit odd, but it’s your site, and I still read Autostraddle every day and recommend it to friends.

          • yeah i mean i feel you, i do! i just don’t have a solution. even “same-sex” is a problem for some people b/c of their views on sex/gender/social construct.

            but we do refer to these couples as “same-sex female couples” in the excerpt and in the introduction, it’s just the headline that says “lesbian.”

            thanks for promoting us despite your…[Read more]


      Happy May December relationships give me a lot of good feels for a lot of reasons.


    • My ex and I are 17 years apart. I have another ex who is 10 years my junior. I don’t try to date women younger than me, it just seems to happen organically. Also, at 50, I don’t look my age at all and I’m, admittedly, pretty young at heart. The only people who seem to notice the age gap are people who are outside of the “family”.

    • So many couples in a May-December thing… Awesome

    • Abby replied 2 weeks ago

      my girlfriend and I are 10 years apart and it makes me the happiest clams of all clams

    • also, #9, I saw Marquis & Smaltz in a short at some gay film festival thing= they are PERFECT.

    • Hat replied 2 weeks ago

      I always thought the 6 year gap between me and my girl seemed super normal to us because of our parents’ mammoth age gaps of 17, and 12 years…but it seems to be a gay thing. I consistently forget how old I am and think my girlfriend is older than she is (which drives her crazy) because numbers mean nothing…and I have dyscalculia.

    • Lea replied 2 weeks ago

      I love this!
      Am I also the only one who enjoyed the cuteness of the kinda-similar wardrobe style of these couples? Too cute!

    • Kate replied 2 weeks ago

      My gay lil heart is so fucking happy right now…. This article gives me SO much hope!

    • My fiancee and I are 9 years apart! And we’re perfect for each other. We really complement each other. And I was really surprised with how well my parents took it, they’ve never even said a word about her being too old for me! But then again, most people think she’s in her mid twenties when they first meet her. I remember wondering if age was…[Read more]

    • True life: Same Sex In The City: So Your Prince Charming Is Really a Cinderella, changed my life and opened my eyes to the wonder of being a New York lesbian. It was kind of my guide for a long time.

      ANYWAYS, love all of these women.

    • Riese replied 2 weeks ago

      i actually have some form of dyscalculia, i believe? like, i’m pretty good at math and arithmetic (which most ppl w/dyscalculia are not), but my #1 problem is with remembering numbers, directions, and also sometimes names and place names because names I see as symbols rather than a series of letters, much like how i see numbers. I mix up numbers…[Read more]

    • Sandy replied 2 weeks ago

      My wife is 8.5 years older than me but we’re the same lesbian age. She dies her hair and I’m going gray naturally so everyone thinks I’m older.

    • What I find amusing is that Jenny and Robin’s younger partners look older than them O.o.

    • As I have no intention of being sick and old, I’d rather go out with a bang, I’d prefer to find a partner my age so when we’re not hitting that time of our lives at different points, assuming we’re lucky enough to get there together.

      Also my desire to have children would make it difficult I think to go too much younger or older…but you never…[Read more]

    • Yea, that would be the main downside for the younger partner.

    • My favorite part of this article was where I learned that you can be 60 years old and still be the May in a May/December relationship.

      Wait, shouldn’t it be May/September? December is so harsh.

  • ThumbnailAli Liebert, who smashed her way into your hearts as soft butch factory worker Betty McRae in Bomb Girls and licked your heart as a sexy waitress on Lost Girl, has gone and gotten herself her very own soft […]

  • feature image by shutterstock

    HELLO and welcome to the 166th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read […]

    • damn it I want to read all of these right this very moment but I’m supposed to be studying piecewise functions(which are fucking dumb by the way)

      ps sorry if you are into piecewise functions, you do you

      • I had to look up piecewise functions and they do sound horrid. Hope your studying goes quickly!

      • Piecewise functions. Wow, I hadn’t thought about those in forever. It looks like they still suck.

        • yeppp well if you or anyone can help me i will be forever grateful! because like i can figure out the equation for the pieces that are just horizontal but then wtf is the other one that’s arching up like a cat…? It looks like the graph for f(x) equals square root something but that’s not right and I am beyond confused and going back to school…[Read more]

    • *NSFW and abuse/rape/assault triggers* 50 shades chapter recaps: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/p/fifty-shades-of-grey-index.html?m=1

      I really enjoyed this person’s perspective. They didn’t finish the book but it gave me a clearer picture of what all the hubbub is about.

    • The Joanna Coles article was so interesting! I read Cosmo every month because my roommate subscribes and I’ve definitely noticed the changes in the content. The article didn’t touch on this, but it’s not all “33 Ways to Please Your Man” anymore. Every issue over the last year or so has had at least something that includes lesbian/bisexual women!…[Read more]

      • Cosmo started off being very forward-minded – they were pioneers in introducing birth control to women, for starters. I have a friend who writes for Cosmo now and she’s very progressive and well-read with her politics, so I anticipate good things.

      • I haven’t read the magazine in a long time, but over the past year I’ve seen articles on Cosmo’s website that really impressed me. This one in particular was very interesting and informative: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a29435/latina-feminists/

        I was pleasently surprised and honestly a little shocked to see Cosmo celebrating women…[Read more]

    • I loved that article about Cosmo. Cosmo isn’t quite as trashy as it used to be. I was actually quoted in an article about careers on their website once. I definitely seized that opportunity to use “I was once quoted in Cosmo” as small talk on every first date I’ve been on recently.

  • ThumbnailHello, welcome to the sixth recap of the sixth season of Glee, a show that nobody is watching anymore except us! No but seriously, why’d they move this show to Friday night, how many teenagers watch television on […]

    • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

      The epic saga of the Sparia Fanfic, now crossing fandoms

    • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

      Speaking of Jessie J, would it be considered ironic that her new song has the line, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” in it?

    • AnnaY replied 3 weeks ago

      I don’t understand the part of the recap reaction to abuela’s rejection. Not all grandparents are homophobic so Brittany shouldn’t have been so harsh with abuela even though she IS super homophobic and judgmental and has rejected her granddaughter who just wants her love and acceptance? Bull pucky.

      Sometimes the families we’re born into are…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        “Not all grandparents are homophobic so Brittany shouldn’t have been so harsh with abuela even though she IS super homophobic and judgmental and has rejected her granddaughter who just wants her love and acceptance? Bull pucky.”

        That would be a really weird thing to say! But that’s not what I said, I swear, I guess it might seem that way from a…[Read more]

        • Amor replied 3 weeks ago

          I cried a bit because I am avoiding calling my lovely grandparents because I am in love and it’s stupid. So um, yea, thanks for getting a bit more complicated. I got what you were getting at.

        • AnnaY replied 3 weeks ago

          I read that paragraph three times. I just re-read it twice. It still reads, to me, as a rejection of that moment because, based on the paragraph, the interpretation of it is Brittany wants abuela to die or wants to write her off until she dies. And then, as I read it, it seems as though the reaction is that we, the audience, should not be so…[Read more]

    • “What if the unholy trinity had a threesome as a bachelorette’s party? Just an idea.” I’m into it.

      I loved all the Brittana moments this episode, and Santana was really smokin’ hot, like, startingly so. It was really irritating that most of the episode felt like 30 seconds of dialogue between random and unnecessary songs, especially with the…[Read more]

    • I am with the others. Riese, you are absolutely lovely, but I think Heather should write the recap for the wedding episode. She’s been recapping with us since the beginning and I would love to see what she has to say about our beloved Brittana and [SPOILER: Klaine] wedding. It would be like coming full circle. Maybe you could recap the week…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        Of course I’d be more than happy to have Heather recap the wedding episode, or any episode, like I said below, it’s really okay, recapping Glee isn’t exactly the highlight of my week! Listen; Heather has a huge fan base for her recaps from AfterEllen and her recaps are incredible. I’ve been recapping Glee on Autostraddle since Season Two, though,…[Read more]

        • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

          I used to read both Riese’s recaps here at Autostraddle and Heather’s at AfterEllen (I’m a nerd who loves TV, don’t judge me!). I’m really happy that Heather has joined the Autostraddle team! Largely because I would rather support independent queer lady media. Now I get the best of both worlds! And without having to support the type of co-opting…[Read more]

          • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

            Like maybe they can do a transcript of them talking about the episode, or something like that?

            actually that’s a really cute idea and would be a fun companion post! also i want to get business cards where I identify as “the edge” and Heather identifies as “the optimist.”

            • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

              Riese, I whole-heartedly hope that you and Heather go to whatever is the modern day version of Kinkos (are Kinkos even still around?) and get those business cards for each other as a Valentine’s Day gift.

              I’m glad that my suggestion of a conversation transcript was productive! Like PaperOFlowers, I got the idea from the transcript that Mari…[Read more]

          • I second this idea about Riese and Heather collaborating. Even if Heather does the recap, I would love to have a conversation between the two of you (like Mari and Mey did for the pilot of Transparent) included just to address some of the bigger issues from different perspectives.

          • ahhh i actually love this idea a LOT. i’d love to read like a gchat log of you guys giving a play-by-play of the ep, or something like that? maybe just key moments, because doing the whole ep would take forever. i love both your recaps but/and would prefer to hear what you both think without making you write two separate recaps (because, yeesh,…[Read more]

            • oh and for the record: duh you do not yell at your friend/gf/fiance/whoever’s grandmother! the rule is you can complain about your own family and you can yell at your own family and you can nod along as your gf calls her mom “a total bitch” and “ruining my life” but you can NEVER say any of those things about her mom! i get what they were going…[Read more]

        • I think a collab recap sounds awesome. I do love your snark, Riese. It’s hilarious. And 99% of the time, it’s totally on point. I just need my feeeeeeeeels for the wedding recap.

          Oh, Glee. What have you done to me?

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      Don’t worry everybody you really don’t have to twist my arm to convince me not to recap this or that episode of Glee!

      • jane replied 3 weeks ago

        sorry this comment section is so full of assholes for some reason–have some adorable puppies instead:

        • Riese replied 3 weeks ago


        • K.C. replied 3 weeks ago

          logically I know those weren’t meant for me. But I came here directly after reading the comments on the AE bisexuality panel, so I will take it as fate that you knew anti-asshole puppies were needed desperately.

          • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

            Great. I’m a sucker for punishment, I think, and it’s taking everything in me not to go see what they’re saying. I mean I have an idea, but still.

          • Alice replied 3 weeks ago

            Oh God, same here.

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      I didn’t say Brittany should be polite to her Abuela because some grandparents are nice, though! I SWEAR BY THE MOON AND THE STARS IN THE SKY. I just said that the “we’re waiting for old people to die” attitude is shitty, in general. I was using what she said as a jumping off point to talk about a larger issue, which I do a lot.

      In my opinion,…[Read more]

      • It’s shitty to be rude to anyone, but old people don’t get a special pass.

      • Katie replied 3 weeks ago

        I see your point, but the sad thing is I think a lot of us can identify with what Britt said. I have two very different grandmas, and I know that ten years down the road or whenever I get married, one grandmother is going to be at my wedding and the other(a very very Christian lady) is not. I love my grandmother, and she loves me, but there are…[Read more]

        • Megan replied 3 weeks ago

          I completely understand. My brother’s girlfriend came to various family events over Christmas, and with my grandmother, all I could think about was ‘will I ever be able to bring my girlfriend?’ Of course I don’t want anything to happen to her, but what happens when I want to get married? I can’t imagine telling her, we have a hard enough…[Read more]

          • I have that feeling every time my brothers and their wives and kids are all in town for a holiday or something. It’s a sucky feeling, and will likely always hurt, and while I know that my parents will never come to my someday wedding, I also know that I’ll tell them. They’re my parents. And, other than the fact that my queerness is a “don’t…[Read more]

      • I totally get what you’re saying. The VAST majority of my family, both immediate and extended, will never be supportive of me, they’ll never come to my wedding, they may never even meet my special someone. And they’ll do it all while spouting lines about still loving me but feeling that meeting my someone, inviting her into their home, even if…[Read more]

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago


    • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

      Riese, while I agree with your larger argument that it shouldn’t be assumed that all in the older generation are homophobes”- I don’t think that was Brittany’s overarching point.

      What Brittany said was hard to listen to. It intentionally was meant to sting. However, it wasn’t worse than what Abuela said to Santana after she came out. I think…[Read more]

      • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

        Erg! That last line was supposed to read “In fact, this is the first episode in six years where I ever appreciated Brittany on her own”.

        Sorry that whole thing was so long, yall! I had a lot on my mind.

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        Yeah, I understand what you’re saying, I do! I think I just have a really strong aversion to the idea of yelling at old ladies? Especially an old lady who is related to your future wife? I’d ask permission before ever being that harsh to a relative of my girlfriend’s, and if I had an intolerant relative, I hope she’d do the same.

        The funny…[Read more]

        • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

          I definitely hear you! Yelling at old ladies is the absolute worst. It’s a drastic measure. I just think that this was a situation it was called for. But it should always be an absolute last choice.

          When I was watching the episode and after Brittany’s rant, when Abuela turned to Santana and said, “You let her speak to me like this?”. I…[Read more]

          • C.P. replied 3 weeks ago

            OH! For real, the last thing, but getting to ask Heather what she thinks about things (both TV and life) all the time sounds like the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAGICAL POWER! I’m so glad that you get to enjoy it. :) :) :)

            This comment thread has been a lot to deal with. You have been moderating it and participating it in like a champ. Just wanted you to…[Read more]

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      We switch off weeks, so she’ll be back next week!

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      You guys I did not even think for one second that what I felt about that one paragraph would be vaguely controversial, especially since Heather had the same reaction. I’m so surprised!

      It remains my opinion that you should check with your girlfriend before you tell your girlfriend’s grandmother that she’s annoying and you hope she dies! You can…[Read more]

      • I think I only felt bad about Brittany being sharp with her because I’m very much attached to Abuela in Jane The Virgin and it’s been weird seeing the same actress play two very very different kinds of abuelas.

        Considering how Santana destroyed Kurt for interrupting her proposal to Brittany, it seems like S&B have similar attitudes to how…[Read more]

        • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

          Yeah, that’s true. I just think family is so different. And I thought Brittany was doing a really fucking fantastic job of standing up for Santana, and then things took a really jarring turn! Then they went back to being good and normal again, but for a second I was like… wait, what?

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      thank you phoenixshaan, lets go eat hummus in the park!

    • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

      Hi heather good morning I love you and like recapping back and forth with you

    • ^ This is an excellent point, especially highlighted by Santana turning to her abuela and pronouncing Brittany as her family now. It would be really inappropriate if Britt was a friend or just a (new) girlfriend, but this is about fusing the Lopez and Pierce families together. I wouldn’t think twice about doing this if my fiancée’s family ever…[Read more]

    • no junior mints caption? i am disappoint

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        i know i am now realizing that SCISSORING IS REAL? should have been I’M READY FOR MY JUNIOR MINT

        • Rey replied 3 weeks ago

          I thought the Baby Carrots comment might have been a playful variation on the Jr Mints theme, for your regular readers. Enjoyed it either way. Baby carrots indeed.

    • Vita replied 3 weeks ago

      Stellar recap as always. Whose arm do we have to twist to get you to recap the wedding episode?

      • In the true spirit of Glee, I declare a DIVA OFF!!!!!!!!!!! because that notion is absurd with Riese and Heather

    • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

      I’m surprised by all the hate in this recap’s comments. I mean I adore Brittany, and while I’m glad she stood up for Santana and against homophobes, I also think she took it too far. I lost my grandma a few years ago, before I ever knew I was queer let alone had a chance to talk to her about it, but I would give anything to have her back. I’m not…[Read more]

    • I understand why some think that Brittany went overboard with that little speech. But personally I think it was about time that they showed Brittany like that. She persuaded Santana to give Alma a chance to reconnect. All she ever wanted is for Santana to be happy and she knew that Alma accepting Santana and their relationship is something that…[Read more]

    • Liz replied 3 weeks ago

      For what it’s worth, I totally agree with Riese about how Brittany talked to Santana’s Abuela.

      On one hand, I work with a few racist and sexist (probably) homophobic old republican white guys (some of the old white guys I work with aren’t like this and they’re great) and I can’t wait for them to retire and go the fuck away and stop giving me…[Read more]

    • Mik replied 3 weeks ago

      If you’d like to talk about ‘disrespectful’ I’d suggest you rephrase your comment asap.

    • Mik replied 3 weeks ago

      Hello Riese, thank you for taking the time to watch this show and write this long, detailed, entertaining recap for the people that read this website even though I’m sure you have much better things to do with your time/sanity.

    • I just want to hop on into these comments and say that Riese is a master recapper, one of the reasons I became a writer, I love her and this recap, and I think everyone needs to ease up and realize that recapping the final season of this show is a labor of love for fandom. For you! Riese and I take turns giving up our weekends because we love you…[Read more]

      • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

        I appreciate the risk to your souls recapping some of these things (cough*hurt locker*cough). Thank you for your service.

        And if you don’t prefer Sparia fanfic you’re wrong.

      • Jen replied 3 weeks ago

        (Also I hope to god the Faberry fanfic Riese was writing in the screencaps ends up in PLL’s)

    • :/ I enjoyed this and I don’t even watch Glee on a regular basis. I always enjoy your writing, Riese – not sure why so much negativity here! Some people just like to complain…

    • Showing up to echo that while I appreciate Heather’s work so much and the heart she brings, that I want Glee recapped with snark because it is terrible, terrible show in so many ways and needs to be called out on that shit. I’d love to see a joint recap to bring both of these valuable perspectives!

      Like really, if y’all think Riese is cruel, I…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 3 weeks ago

        real talk: i loved damian’s TWOP recaps! (as you may have noticed by the fact that I continue honoring his memory by calling the auditorium The April Rhodes Memorial Pavilion. I’m always fighting back urges to call Kurt “St. Gay of Lima”)

        (and thanks!)

        • it’s noticed and appreciated. i deeply mourn that he isn’t here to celebrate the end of this wreck. when television without pity announced it was ending i almost dug a hole in the ground and left the world.

    • Beth replied 3 weeks ago

      Thank you for this Riese, I too am sorry about the amazing concentration of assholes in this comment section. It isn’t really here or there, but I can’t get behind telling another person’s relation that you hope she dies either.

    • Tammy replied 3 weeks ago

      Hi Riese. I really like your Glee recaps. I really like Heather’s Glee recaps. I agree with both of you and disagree with both of you at various times. Thank you for being intelligent enough to form your own opinion about something that you view and for being brave enough to put that opinion out on the interwebz for many to see, even though they…[Read more]

    • Just wanted to be another person to say, I read Heather’s Glee recaps over at AE, and read Riese’s Glee recaps here at AS, (and also used to read Demian’s Glee recaps over at TWoP) and I could not be more happy that Heather writes for AS now, and I get to have TWO amazingly talented recappers giving me their very different perspectives on this…[Read more]

    • riese, never stop <3

    • Mercedes coaching Rachel through having lesbian sex for the first time is my favorite thing to happen to a Glee recap since the ol drywall and mashed potatoes jokes.

      I never read AfterEllen but I’ve loved having Heather on the team, she’s been doing a stellar job recapping PLL. I’ll always prefer Riese’s recaps (#riesecaps) because they were…[Read more]

    • Sade replied 3 weeks ago

      I really enjoyed the recap & couldn’t wait to read the comments because they are usually either hilarious, insightful or both. I am honestly shocked by how rude & entitled some people are being. Disagreeing is one thing, but some of these comments are straight up ridiculous.

      Anyway just wanted to thank you Riese for taking the time to recap…[Read more]

    • i think what the world really needs now are autostraddle-designed wedding products / outfits also positive thoughts

    • I mean, like, I understand how invested Brittana fans are, but as a Faberrian, I don’t expect Riese to analyze every meaningful glance between Rachel and Quinn with beautiful symbolism and noting the parallel body language and costumes that they wear. That’s not Riese’s job – that’s the #faberry tag on Tumblr’s job. Although Heather’s recaps are…[Read more]

    • Yea I had the proud warm feeling victory and all of a sudden That puzzled stirring feeling like. ..wait what did she say?!,..oh Brittany no…I cld however tell that it was prob a gut reaction via her pained expression after. It came out crazy harsh tho. I was soo relieved that she expressed some regret to Santana.

      And man Riese you are soo…[Read more]

    • Riese I love your Glee recaps so much! So freaking funny and true : )

    • Sorry for the all the assholes on this board:( You’re reviews crack me up and I vote for more! I very much appreciate your creativity and how you see through stuff on glee.

      Truth is, people, our grandmothers grew up in very different cultures than us. More often than not, they don’t accept you and your choices if you are gay. Mine wouldn’t…[Read more]

    • I was not familiar with this website before Heather’s joining it. So I have to admit I am a loyal fan of Heather’s writing. I still reblog her kitten and wolf quote from a previous Brittana recap. She is also responsible for my further understanding and empathizing with Paige from PLL. When I read Heather’s recaps, in addition to being a “this is…[Read more]

    • I love your re-caps.
      I agree and disagree with points.

      Since coming out to my grandma she loves telling me about all the gay people she knew in NYC when she was a young woman working as a bank teller. Her best friend was in fashion so apparently they knew lots of gays. She never had a problem with it, and loves to remind me whenever there’s…[Read more]

    • 1. Once again, I’d like to stress that nobody needs to continue “adding votes” or explaining to me why you want Heather to recap the wedding episode! We’re going to have a proper Diva Off and figure it out that way JUST KIDDING she’ll just recap it! Even though that means her giving up two weekends in a row. So I hope you all join A+ out of…[Read more]

      • Gotta love the internet and the way you can link to shit from years ago to prove a point! I admit I came to AS for Heather’s PLL writing but I stayed for all the funny, passionate, brilliant and inclusive writing on this amazing website. Both recaps are great and Thank You for your weekly sacrifice.

      • I love your comment because instead of cooking my fajita inspired casserole I’m reading all your re-caps that you linked to, which is kind of like a fajita inspired casserole.

        Layers of delicious Brittana lady-focused recaps!

      • Hey Riese, don’t know what’s going on re: the comments, but for what it’s worth, I love love love your Glee recaps. You’re my favourite recapper ever.

        From my POV, I loved Santana’s coming out, and as much as Glee has pretty much shit on Britanna ever since, I still love the little moments. They matter to me as a viewer a lot, and I love that…[Read more]

    • thanks @loony & @annie, i appreciate the apology. <3

    • Okay, wow, people. Jeez. Riese, you are great. I’ve been reading your recaps, which always make me LOL IRL, since before this site was even a thing. Heather, you are also great. Everyone is great…even the mean people, because I strongly feel that they need a self-esteem boost that might help them be less mean.

    • Can this angry commenter mob approach the proportions of the great Gaga/Swift event of 2010? Is Reise the Gaga to Heather’s Swift?


      (Also Reise, I love your writing always.)

      • haha! well, i’m actually working on a new piece about how taylor swift has grown and changed as a human and w/r/t feminism so you can LOOK FORWARD TO THAT

    • But where can I get an invite to that Bachelorette party?!

    • The response to this recap is so shocking to me! Clearly what we have is a bunch of people following HH from ae over here (which is great, yay!) who just aren’t familiar yet with Riese or autostraddle in general. I’m glad AS keeps growing but it kind of makes me miss the days when this place was just a small, happy personality cult.

      Anyways I…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailI have thin skin — literally, and metaphorically. I’m not sure which of my many medical conditions have caused this situation. I’d initially blamed the steroid-based eczema cream I lathered generously on my shins […]

    • YES to men’s shaving products. That Nivea sensitive skin balm has improved the quality of my life immeasurably and really I can’t believe I lived my entire adolescence without it.

      • me neither! and no women’s magazine will ever tell you the secret, so i’m glad i discovered it on my own.

    • Try having 100% Jewish hair! :) Actually I’ve been looking for a new serum; thanks for the rec!

      • i feel like there is a BATTLE IN MY HAIR FOLLICLES though! today it’s curly/wavy. i used a garnier cream situation and it’s ok so far

    • omg really??! what should i do instead

      • I used the Ducray psoriasis line (the shampoo and the cream) and it nixed two bouts of psoriasis in a few weeks when nothing else worked. I’ve never had scalp psoriasis again. (Actually, I could mail you my half-filled bottles, seriously.)

      • I don’t have any scalp issues but I also have half-Jewish hair and somewhat recently switched from Pantene to DevaCurl and it was the BEST decision.

      • Lins replied 3 weeks ago

        I am a big fan of the OGX line, and it comes in LOTS of different scents/specific-hair-type-forumlas to work with and figure out what works best for you. Also all of the scents I’ve tried smell amazing so far. (I’ve tried a lot of them, but personally like the anit-breakage keratin shampoo/conditioner, because I have long hair that breaks…[Read more]

        • The coconut scented conditioner from Ogx is the best! It smells like heaven.

    • I’m pretty sure this is the first time I have ever seen a product being recommended specifically for half-Jewish hair. I will totally have to try it!

    • You are all so beautiful already. I would be so happy to be as pretty as any of you.

    • really glad i used such a large picture of cetaphil

    • did you know that hand salve can also double as lip balm

    • I’m gonna be honest I recently started using that Burt’s Bees hand salve in my curly short hair messy pompadour thing to make it stand up and be shiny and it’s going decently. I believe it’s the combination of beeswax + oils. Idk, try it if you too have curly hair you want to stand up.

    • Sometimes I accidentally brush my skin against something the wrong way and it gets all red and puffs up and one of my friends will be like “oh my god what did you do?” and I’ll just say “oh that’s just my skin it’ll fade in a few days” and they give me Concerned Looks. I appreciate the recs for those with a sensitive epidermis.

    • (I’m sure you’ve already tried this, because it sounds like you actually know what you’re talking about and have tried everything)

      My skin used to do the red-flare thing (I never saw a doctor, so I don’t know why)– brush against something or even lightly scratch it, red welts. Like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I switched to using mostly baby…[Read more]

      • Rones replied 3 weeks ago

        Magggieee the SAME thing happened to me a few years ago and though it’s gotten better I still deal with it and can’t figure out my triggers. I always gotta make sure I have claritin on hand just in case. I’m actually so glad it’s happened to someone else lol.

        • Yep, same here– I have no idea what causes it. I sort of suspect allergies, but I really don’t know. Mysteries of the universe and all . . .

          Maybe it’s because we’re just SUCH sensitive people! ;)

          • Actually though. Ever heard of HSP (“highly sensitive person”)? It sounds kinda sad haha but it’s an actual thing I promise, and explains SO MANY ISSUES I have – not just physical sensitivity too. I was actually thinking Riese might be one too. (RIESE, LOOK IT UP).

      • Rones replied 3 weeks ago

        I mean, I’m simultaneously sad for you that you have to deal with it too though.

    • Thank you – this is very relevant. I’ve had chronic dry skin for as long as I can remember, and it’s especially bad on my hands (which are also chronically cold – not sure if that’s related). I agree with the pantene and aveeno recommendations. I think I’ll pick up some cetaphil the next time I go to the store; the giant photo and Jewel reference…[Read more]

    • This is an awesome post. I tell people my skin is dry and sensitive and most people don’t understand. I’ve had eczema since I can remember and don’t know why and it mostly shows up all over my hands. Still trying to figure out if it’s diet based or whatever. I’d really like to stop having to use prescription cream that comes in a tiny tube and…[Read more]

    • I have scalp psoriasis too! I thought I was crazy or just wrong that psoriasis/dandruff shampoos make it feel worse, but its not just me…?! Ok thanks for the tip!

    • Try Free and Clear for scalp psoriasis! None of the allergens that aggravate us sensitive sorts. There’s also a liquid acidopholis called EOS that is so, so soothing.

  • HELLO and welcome to the 165th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • I have 7836 reasons for hating Buzzfeed and over 75% are legitimate, but I am continuously bowled over by some of their incredible long form journalism. What is happening here? Are they able to use to millions of dollars they get from people clicking on bullshit lists to poach and salary some of the best investigative journalists around? I want to…[Read more]

      • “Are they able to use to millions of dollars they get from people clicking on bullshit lists to poach and salary some of the best investigative journalists around?”

        Yes, that’s exactly what they do! They’ve also been flooded with investment capital and have offices worldwide. I sort of side-eye sites that spend time writing takedowns of other…[Read more]

        • Wow, that was an interesting read and really gave context to a lot of the icky feelings I had about Buzzfeed’s new slant (esp those 3 minute videos about race and gender that have been going viral). I’m also really glad you posted that makeup article! I loved it so much yet somehow I missed it, while also having had the misfortune of reading Man…[Read more]

          • why didn’t you like the Man Wears Makeup article? I’m interested in what ppl thought of it.

      • the worst thing though is that their lists aren’t even clever anymore! like they have completely run out of topics and the ones that are put up appear to have been written in about 15 minutes.

        • 10 Things About Bla Bla Disney Princess Mean Girls Pumpkin Spice Latte 90s Kid What Women Really Think About Penises Fail

    • i channel a lot of my homesickness for boston into intense thinking and analysis of the MBTA, so i am really gratified by this article, thank you for sharing it

      • I just wrote the longest comment of my life about my feelings for the T and then I got logged out and it disappeared and now I’m crying into my wine like any real adult would do.

        I got so homesick reading about the existence of a late-night schedule.

        I have so many fond memories of running drunk through scary as fuck T stations to catch…[Read more]

    • That JWG article. Thumbs up.

      • I will read more but I had to change a nappy, receive a phone call, make a cup of tea, go to the toilet, open the cupboard doors repeatedly for my two year old who keeps locking himself out of his toy stash and do countless other things between each few paragraphs. I love long read articles but you have to schedule these bad boys in!

    • Sometimes I don’t read this column for a while and then I come back and wonder what is wrong with me. Such great reads Riese, thank you.

    • That criminal defense one touches me in all sorta ways. I read it in the afternoon, hours ago, and it’s still not finished rolling around in my brain.

      I wrote a summary of all the feels it channels but I don’t want to trigger, anger or upset other humans. So I’m just going keep it to myself as if I’m not a living breathing trigger warning.

    • I really love the lipstick article! I think it would be so so so amazing to see a lipstick and make-up campaign featuring DMAB folks and non-binary folks and cis men. I can already picture it and it’s beautiful.

    • i think you are smart, well read, and very cute

    • The Casey Kasem story made me sad. Somehow, I didn’t know a bit of that. I still think of him as he was, as a voice on the radio.

      I have an unhealthy serial killer obsession. So thank you.

      I saw that Buzzfeed article (was it earlier this week? there are so many, I’m not even sure), and I’m glad you posted it here for discussion– it was…[Read more]

  • Welcome to You Need Help! Where you’ve got a problem and yo, we solve it. Or we at least try.

    My girlfriend would like to expand our sex life to include activities such as me hitting and slapping her […]

    • Riese is of course right on the money. Consensual is the first and only way to go – if you’re not into the idea, absolutely don’t feel like you’re a bad person for not wanting to do it.

      IDK if this is helpful, but Sinclair Sexsmith talks about this stuff a lot, from various perspectives. This is a related question, and has some good links in…[Read more]

    • Is the girlfriend aware of the past abuse? Because if she is, thats pretty fucking gross. I’m all for consensual anything, but if you know that your partner was abused by someone that was supposed to love them, maybe don’t suggest that they relive it in some way. Even if it’s pretend. Don’t even ask.

      • That’s too hard line of a rule. Here’s why: I’m a sexual assault survivor. I also enjoy some kink including bondage and mild to moderate playing at non-consensual. However, I’ve had enough partners shame me for this, that my sexual interests were somehow pathological because I’m a survivor, that I began to wait for partners to bring this topic up…[Read more]

      • I can tell you’re coming from an emotional place on this, but I disagree about the girlfriend’s motives. It can be hard to know what someone’s triggers are, and if the abuse is difficult to talk about, the partner may not know what specific things are likely to cause difficulty. If Myrtle’s girlfriend kept asking for this specific act *after*…[Read more]

      • I think bdsm can be therapy. I’ve been in a very abusive relationship before and have been sexually assaulted. I can, however, indulge in bdsm play. Her girlfriend is allowed to ask. She should ask. How else is her girlfriend suppose to know about her desire for bdsm or anything else for that matter? My current partner doesn’t share my compulsion…[Read more]

      • yeah i agree with B13 as well — i think it’s no good to assume a correlation between somebody’s past experiences with abuse and what elements of BDSM they may or may not be into. in my experiences there isn’t necessarily a huge correlation between the two. and i think a good trusting relationship should make room for people to freely express their…[Read more]

      • I also respectfully disagree with your opinion that Myrtle’s girlfriend is being gross here. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and I am also very kinky. I would never punish a ladyfriend who respectfully told me (or requested) some kind of play that might remind me of past sexual trauma because the difference is in the asking. My abuser didn’t ask…[Read more]

    • Another option could be to explore substitutes without getting into why face slapping is difficult. For any sexual partner, just saying “I’m not into that, how about this?” should suffice. Disclosing abuse history is optional; not a prerequisite.

      I like the idea of expanding the conversation into a y/n/m list for both partners; seems like it…[Read more]

      • Doesn’t have to be all or nothing either; just saying “it brings back bad memories” or “it’s triggering” followed by discussing alternatives could good help your partner to understand where you’re coming from, without disclosing details you don’t want to share at that time.

        That way the focus could be more on how you are now with your current…[Read more]

    • it sounds like the biggest thing you all need to do here is talk about it. Who knew having good mutuially fulfilling sex was all in the pre-conversation right? No one talks about it in health class, but the talking about why and what and when is really important.

      I also second the therapy suggestion, assuming you have the resources to do so.…[Read more]

    • K I’m projecting here cause I’m triggered, but can we add that repeatedly asking someone to perform a certain sex act, despite their consistent refusals, can be (even unintentionally) really pressuring and coercive?

      Again, just “can be,” i don’t know the specifics of Myrtle’s situation, and like i said, I’m projecting my own experiences with…[Read more]

    • Riese and others have had some good advice.

      I will second what a previous poster said about it being okay for you to have boundaries. As a survivor of same-sex domestic violence, it took me a while to learn that. You are allowed to do what is safe and comfortable for you, and this clearly is not (at least at this time). Even though you love…[Read more]

    • Okay, so I need help but don’t know who to talk to, so I need help with that too. Is there someone I can contact?

      Thank you!

  • ThumbnailRumors about the former relationship between Venezuelan model and actress Patricia Velásquez and comedian Sandra Bernhard have existed for decades now, fueled partially by Bernhard’s own admission. The two were […]

    • The Mummy is my favorite movie of all time and this is my favorite celesbian news of all time

    • oh my god so now we really can all be in love with marta

    • Anck-Su-Namun is gay, twelve year old me is screaming in joy, I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR!

    • Yvonne is interviewing her, holy shit!!!


      Something so sad about looking back at interviews done before someone came out. Like Annie Lebowitz’s Charlie Rose appearance before she was totally out about being together with Susan Sontag.

    • …HERMANO

    • She has a special place in one of my many many many many gay awakenings. When she was in the Mummy I remeber watching too closely eating noodles when I was home sick from school. Now I feel a sense of validation and seeing more Latina women coming out fills me with great joy.

    • So you go up to a supermodel and ask her to come to your room, and she does, with sweets to boot?
      Damn, I wish I had Sandra Bernhard’s game.

      • What we need here is Sandra Bernhard’s book of dating tips. I mean, I’m excited about this and all, but, after reading this, THAT’S the book I feel would be really, uh, meaningful. Yeah. Meaningful.

    • In honour of The Mummy, can we now officially adopt painting ourselves head-to-toe in gold as a lesbian style choice? I’ve been rocking it on the side for a while now, but I feel it should be community-wide.

      (Also, this news just makes me happy.)

    • As soon as I saw this headline I immediately thought WILL WE FINALLY FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THOSE PASTRIES !

      I don’t feel fully sated on that front, but I appreciate the detail of the frequent flyer points situation. Once I am over the excitement and can think clearly I will think about just how “being educated about frequent flyer points”…[Read more]

      • Sally, we will make it our mission to GET THE STORY ON THE PASTRIES


        • I KNEW IT. I knew those pastries had some incredible cosmic significance, and I don’t even believe in cosmic significance.

          This story has everything: maternal insight, homespun wisdom, glamorous locations, pastry and LESBIANS.


    • Eeeexcellent.

    • I hope the first Marta is gay too because I was in love with both of them.

    • Pure LOLing at your citation of the Daily Record. Whit a riddy.

    • Congrats, but I could have swore she came out years and years ago. Like you said, in large part due to Bernard speaking about the relationship. I remember Patricia from the Mummy but also from when she appeared on Celebrity Apprentice, a show that is not a good look for anybody but she was mostly pleasant and not at all crazy like a lot of celebs…[Read more]

      • You’re not wrong. There were rumours about Patricia Velasquez’s orientation for a decade (though they always stated she was bi, not gay).

      • yeah, she just never admitted it publicly — i just read her whole book and she definitely says she never said a word ’til writing this book. apparently one Venezuelan newspaper wrote a tiny gossip bit about her & sandra back in the early 90s but she denied it and it never caught on, and pre-internet it never showed up over here

      • That’s what I’d always heard. I’d heard different people and stories refer to her as Bi, but I never really heard her say it. They also always referred to Sandra Bernhard. I also recall her mentioning trying to contact “former lovers” while she was on The Apprentice. I thought that was kinda hot. I’ve always had a crush on her. Glad she’s happy…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailYou love your girlfriend / wife and she loves Autostraddle and we’re approaching the Love-liest time of the year. What are you gonna get her? Here’s some ideas. Let me just first say, however, that capitalism is […]

    • want a fleece hoodie dress! American Apparel one size does not fit most.

      2nd year in a row gf will be traveling and in Tanzania for work on Valentine’s Day, so I send her with a very flat Valentine again this year.

    • The header photos for this article are just the most adorable. Also, #5 – hilarious.

    • When you said #5 was the most important, I thought it’d be an A+ membership, so I was surprised when it showed up before that.


        (but A+ memberships are always the most important of things, categorically)

        • I’m still struggling with the concept of a 40k TV.

          A history of my TV purchases:

          1) Abandoned by a roommate who disappeared (she’s fine): free (went to another roommate)
          2) great-uncle who could fix anything salvaged a broken one from a yard sale and repaired: free (since stolen)
          3) the one my father wants to give me so he can buy an…[Read more]

    • “On a Greyhound Straight From the 915.” I saw the title and the author’s last name, and my heart jumped into my throat. 915 is the area code for the El Paso, TX area, where I grew up! Thinking for 18 years that I was the only queer girl Latina in the area. I need to order this book pronto and send it back in time to my 18-year-old closeted…[Read more]

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      It depends on a few factors, he’ll totally answer if you email to ask though!

  • HELLO and welcome to the 164th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • I’m confused by the Dollywood article because, sure she went to the Dixie Stampede, but the Dixie Stampede is very much separate from Dollywood. I don’t know anyone who has ever been to the Dixie Stampede, but I spent most of my childhood summers in Dollywood.

      -an East Tennessee native and, therefore, a Dollywood expert

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        so what you are saying is that i should not visit the dixie stampede the next time i’m in tennessee

    • Erin replied 1 month ago

      I’m not sure what I was expecting from Arthur Chu’s article, but I really ended up liking it.

    • Mik replied 1 month ago

      very excited to read all of these but am currently way too damn tired/inebriated to even properly type this comment so i apologize for any grammatical deficiencies and I express my appreciation and look forward to exploring these articles in the light of day

    • The Lukach article caught my eye, as a veteran of hospitals. I wasn’t fully aware until my first hospitalization the full extent of damage I was doing to my relationships, and I doubt I am even now (even after the marathon disaster that was spring 2013-August 2014). Still, reading that hurt a lot. Not because he said anything bad or wrong:…[Read more]

    • You made me fall in love with Dorothy Allison on this very here page, and she’s always such a treat. I’m sharing her now, every chance I get.

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