Olivia

  • Kathleen and Profile picture of brabra are now friends 3 hours, 24 minutes ago

  • HELLO and welcome to the 158th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Thanks so much for sharing that final piece, so good to read about the Eric Garner case in this much (shocking) detail.

    • A whole day early! It’s like a special holigay gift for us all.

    • That story about the women convicted for child endangerment…

      I know the story was meant to inspire sympathy, but I just. can’t. understand. it. In fact, it makes me FURIOUS.

      If somebody raises a hand against your child, that is wrong. You are morally compelled to do everything and endure everything you have to for that child! Whatever the…[Read more]

  • It is well-established that the vast majority of lesbian films are relatively insufferable. This doesn’t seem to stop the vast majority of lesbian films from receiving glowing reviews on amazon, but amid these […]

    • 17 is a GEM.

      • hands down my fave. i <3 irony

      • Yes! Ironic typo aside, this comment has a point. Why is this a thing? I’ve seen many a awkward, stilted conversation/monologue in lesbian movies. Is this what happens when the writer is too involved and doesn’t want any of their precious script changed in any way, or actors who can’t act naturally at all?

    • ‘Or maybe they’ll make a travel documentary about Italy, and just interview people from Utah who’ve been to Italy.’

      One star reviews renew my faith in humanity. Specifically its comic ability.

    • I laughed really loudly at 26 and now everyone in this coffee shop is looking at me. Clearly they don’t understand how wonderful Listlings Without Commentary are.

    • #25 – uh oh, I think they’re on to us, you guys.

    • Is 7 for Mulholland drive do we think? Also I need to see 3. A brunette in outer space…amazing. How does she communicate with the non acting blond?

    • “Want to watch a fat het man chain smoke? Want to watch a skinny gay girl sob? Want to watch them inexplicably, suddenly become best bffs? This is your flick.”

      wait what? what film is this? ps if the activities were swapped…would watch 100 times.

    • only slightly ashamed at the number of films I recognize by these scathing criticisms

      also “THE BLOND WAS NOT AN ACTOR. THE BRUNETTE WAS IN OUTER SPACE.” sounds like the name of an art installation Bette Porter would have side-eyed

    • Number 15 had me chuckling.

      And number 5 – I’m thinking Bar Girls, or Go Fish.

    • I think I have seen the majority of these films. And I’m glad I am not the only one that kept checking the little video progress bar at the bottom…

    • when I was a baby dyke I used to think Lost and Delirious was THE shit, even bought the dvd and all. Tried to watch it a couple of years ago and it’s terrible. What happened???

      • I was the same with Better Than Chocolate (probably #15)–I watched that movie religiously in high school. Tried to watch it again a year or two ago and couldn’t make it through the first twenty minutes. I chalk it up to the fact that I was so ravenous for queer women in media that I loved virtually anything I came across. Also because I had a…[Read more]

      • Watched it recently and still love it.

      • I was like that with Imagine me & You. I would secretly watch it on Youtube, because a user had uploaded it in like 12 parts. But he/she had deleted part 9!

        A forever a missing piece of my queer identity.

    • In the ext A+ Bee, can we please have the covers of all of these movies and play ‘match the review’?

    • What happened to number 11? WHO KILLED NUMBER 11

    • My girlfriend and I made a list of lesbian (or lesbian inclusive) films to marathon some day (PARTS of the list compiled with the help of Autostraddle lists, of course), and so far we’ve only been to watch three in a row until we give up completely.

      At the moment I only wait for the community to give good reviews to movies before I go hunting for them.

    • I feel like they were talking about Blue is the warmest color lol.

      “I suppose the intention here was to create a movie mainly for the Lesbian population. You perhaps succeeded there but unfortunately I think you also succeeded in insulting our intelligence.”

      Not sure why I found this one to be very funny

      • I felt like they were talking about Blue for SO MANY of them. Especially the yoga one. Sadly, I googled it and they weren’t. Still accurate.

      • Why in the world would you think they were about Blue is the Warmest Color? That is one of the best reviewed films of the century and is arguably the finest film ever made about two women falling in love. Also any film that challenges the confining mindset which tries to narrow sex between women to a limited concept of two fingers and oral is a Godsend.

        • Well not everyone like yourself actually liked the movie because of numerous reasons. I really loved the movie but I just assumed they would be. Maybe because a man was the director?

      • Riley replied 4 days ago

        That movie pissed me off. It wasn’t even in English, having to read subtitles is a good way to kill any movie.

        • What!! I thought the subtitles made it more amazing actually. I am a biased though because I love subtitles

        • most of the best lesbian movies are foreign though!
          i feel so-so about blue is the warmest color specifically (and none of these reviews are from that film because although it’s not one of my favorites, i don’t think it qualifies as a “bad lesbian movie”), but seriously, if you skip subtitles, you’ll miss some of the best lesbian movies the…[Read more]

    • “You know the little video progress bar at the bottom? I kept checking it and thinking, “if there isn’t that much left, I might make it to the end.” I swear the thing was going backwards. The only reason I finished it is because I’m too OCD not to finish a movie. But this one tested my affliction.”

      This one has got to be Mango Kiss, right?

    • “The dialog was forced and way to grammatically correct.”

      I love it when people who are pretentious about grammar make grammar mistakes.

      • Hmm, I didn’t read that commenter as being pretentious about grammar. If anything, it seemed like they were disgruntled with the pretentiousness of the grammar in the movie script, because it killed any possibility of realism in the dialogue. Also, looking at the two grammar ~mistakes~ in their comment, it’s likely that this commenter is dyslexic…[Read more]

    • Riese’s fascination with hating Lost and Delirious got tired about 5 years ago.

      • Coincidentally, that was probably the last time I enjoyed the movie!

      • I accidentally plus-one’d this comment before I realized you were insulting me rather than affirming my real true feelings. Do you want to talk about how much I hate Love Actually instead

      • I am also angry about things tangentially related to the content of this article!

    • I tried so hard to like #20 (the movie, not the comment) and…it just never happened. I can’t. Not even for science.

    • I tried to figure out what #27 is, but no dice, and google was no help. I too want to the L Word back, but what film brings this reaction, cause maybe it will really help bring the L Word back?

      • Also, whoever wrote #27 must have never seen the last season of the L Word, or they wouldn’t be THAT quick to say bring the L Word back.

    • This is the greatest thing I’ve read all week.

    • Thank youuuu. I used to work for a pretty big LGBT newspaper, and I reviewed a new lesbian movie once (can’t remember what it was — but it was terrible) and I was honest about how bad it was, and got attacked in the comments! People were like HOW DARE YOU THIS IS ALL WE HAVE.

    • 10 – epic. made my day.

    • 20 is the one about the aerialist, right? What’s it called? Because naked lesbian yoga Cirque du Soleil is basically my dream entertainment.

    • I thought for sure #22 was about Camp Belvidere, but it wasn’t. I actually couldn’t find any 1-star reviews for CB. Thankfully, a lot of the excerpts listed here apply to it anyway, and I can just pretend I’m not alone in hating it!

    • I thought it was “When Night Is Falling”… really boring film. My ex made me watch it and i kept being like “OK… so?”

      • I thought #20 was “When Night Is Falling”… really boring film. My ex made me watch it and i kept being like “OK… so?”

    • “THE BRUNETTE WAS IN OUTER SPACE” is so on brand for me that it’s probably going to be the new tagline for all of my social media.

      GREAT JOB RIESE this was very funny.

    • I lost it at 18, because I’ve totally made comments like that to my friends. And to a certain extent, I think I actually believe it. At the very least, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

    • As someone who can’t stand being ripped off my money, I desperately want to reach out to #23 and help however I can.

    • 12 made me laugh out loud. It is too true, and sadly, it happened, for a fashion, all over everywhere. Kenny G was the SHIZ for middle of the road folks who liked their white men long curly haired white puffy shirt wearing well groomed gentle playing whatever schlocky instrument he played. It was never a dream, people.

    • What I really find hilarious is the fact that if you’ve seen these films, you know exactly which film these 1 star reviews belong to. Very well deserved. I thought I was honestly the only one who saw how awful each and every one of these ‘films’ were.

  • ThumbnailWhy give somebody one thing when you can give somebody lots of things, over and over and over again for an entire year? That’s a good question and the only answer I can parse out would be: “I HAVE NO IDEA.”

    <hr […]

    • “box lunch” – monthly subscription to

    • Example #897578975 that Riese &the team are mind readers.

    • Even though the wording of this is not meant for people like me (I’m a bisexual Autostraddle reader and my life partner happens to be male and I don’t have a lady friend at the moment) I really appreciate the gift ideas I can get for my dude. Thanks as always for a great gift idea list.

    • I love my Graze box! I’ve got one on my desk right now, with a new cocoa and vanilla flapjack to try for breakfast tomorrow. I also love the fact that if you’re a regular customer you get occasional discounts and special offers, but also they give you offers if you leave for a while, AND you can spread your deliveries out so you can afford them…[Read more]

    • I too signed up for graze just for the free box and I cannot cancel my subscription because I want to try everything! I love snacking and can actually feel good about eating their snacks, and love that you can skip weeks when you need to without having to cancel.

    • I’m a huge fan of birchbox. I’m a beauty junky, so it’s right up my alley. Plus, the staff in their new NYC store are so nice.

    • I love birchbox (the ladies’ one) but I can’t decide between birchbox man and sprezzabox for my significant other. My significant other currently subscribes to bespoke post and loves it. Thoughts?

    • I get the mens Birchbox and it is my favorite mail to get (besides Autostraddle merch). The trial sizes of high end grooming products are great for travel and throwing in my gym bag. I’ve gotten a tie, solo cup shot glasses, whiskey stones, grilling apron; all kinds of cool stuff. Plus, it makes me feel like a damn fancy genderqueer.

      With any…[Read more]

    • A box subscription for neckties? Where have u been all my life.

      I can say that harry and david pears are REALLY DELICIOUS.

    • I wanted to sign up for Graze but just seems to good to be true! I am way to skeptical to try

      • Do it! I have loved everything I got except one thing with bananas… and that is only because I loathe bananas! I t is totally worth giving it a shot though

    • I kind of want to try that boxer subscription for like a month or three. It sounds like a solid idea, but sadly they aren’t neutral enough for my taste. It be nice if they had a queer option or something.

    • Now I have a bunch of tabs open here. Must not reach for credit card

    • I’m awaiting my third installment of Birchbox (lady edition), & I am definitely a fan. I’ve been bringing out more of the femme side of the tomboy femme this year, & it’s been a non-intimidating way to try that business out.

      I think I’m going to have to try Graze next. If I’m not at work I’m at the movies, and some snacking variety would…[Read more]

    • I have asked every single human that I know to donate toward an A+ membership for me. It’s how I inadvertently came out to my grandfather. I almost sent him a link to the scissoring sweatshirt but then decided that would be too much to throw at him in one day. Maybe next year!

    • I love Ipsy and it only costs 9.99

    • I’d never heard of NextIssue, but now I’m super excited about it! Going through the affiliate link seems to lead me to a page that wants to install programs on my computer, though… Does that link look correct, is there an alternate AS affiliate link?

    • riese every year i hope that i make so much money working at autostraddle dot com that i can buy you a decade’s worth of pears in the mail.

    • I feel like Friday Tieday should be the name of a column on here. Sort of like Sunday Funday, only instead of news-related stuff, it’s all about different kinds of ties.

      The fruit of the month club sounds brilliant. My first thought was “but I’m too poor for that!” but it comes out to approx $1.70/lb of fruit, which isn’t really more than what…[Read more]

    • I misread, and thought it was a monthly box of pickles and gin, which would be, like, the most niche-perfect monthly gift box.

    • YES, I am eagerly waiting for my first ArcadeBlock. I have also signed up for Lootcrate and I hope both will be epic.

    • I’m really unhappy with the way nerdblock are gendering the children’s boxes. Star Wars and hot wheels are not boys toys and it just reminds me of how I took my six year old niece to Hamleys to buy her Dr Who toys only to find they’d put in boys and girls floors and all the toys she wanted were on the boys floor and she was convinced because of…[Read more]

    • Just a head’s up — Next Issue seems to have some offers that may be sketchy. Unsure how to interpret them, but they ask for a lot of personal info (and not for the subscription, for the “special offers” that takes you to a different site).

    • Another subscription box (or bag, rather) that I really liked was Ipsy! It’s kind of like Birchbox’s women’s boxes and is also $10/month, but Birchbox gives more skincare products and Ipsy gives more makeup products. I ended up canceling my Ipsy subscription after a few months since the price was adding up, but I got quite a few products that I…[Read more]

  • feature image via shutterstock

    This year we published so many stories that smashed your heart open, made your soul explode, exposed you to the unknown, opened your mind and/or reminded you that you are […]

    • *THANK YOU*

    • Favourites – I LOVED Laneia’s essay about realising ‘home’, and the one above called Fumigation, and one about growing up poor and people’s ‘lake houses’ (maybe that was an archive post?)

      and also one from a Brighton-based Black writer who I’ve only seen here once about how WP in the feminist movement need to step the fuck up. I need to dig…[Read more]

      • Ooh that was my essay :) YAY. (I also wrote the one about bulimia and race mentioned at the top of the article).

        • Oh AWESOME – I didn’t make the connection – thanks!! I think your writing is so freakin’ powerful, can’t wait to read your other piece.

    • Thank you for keeping me on this list. Two of my favorites, that I disseminated far and wide are : Fumigation; A Love Story and I Would Grow My Hair To Cover the City- but AS always has such beautiful essays, please keep up the amazing curation.

    • Rereading and re-falling-in-love-with everyone’s words. Thanks.

    • How did I miss these! I can’t wait to curl up by the fire tonight to read these.

    • <3

    • Every single one of these voices is so important. Thank you for compiling this list!

    • Amazing, guys. Thanks!

    • <3 <3

    • these essays were AMAZING. i hope people share them far and wide because the point is being loud and never shutting up. i hope y’all help these writers be loud and never shut up.

      “I will tell people this forever. […] I am what I have lost.”

      riese “i am what i have lost” was one of the most jarring thing my eyes had to push inside me…[Read more]

    • these all make me so proud not even just to work here but just to know these humans. thank you, all of you.

    • Confessions of a Beauty Queer, by Djuan Trent was one of my favorite things all year. And I Would Grow My Hair To Cover the City, by Whitney Pow. Thank you for publishing such amazing writers.

    • Crying at work achieved!

      Thank you all for sharing your wisdom and words.

  • HELLO and welcome to the 157th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Riese, did you read Meghan Daum’s book? If so, how was it? I’m thinking about reading it and want someone’s opinion….

    • Hi Riese, I feel hesitant leaving a comment asking for a thing, because you — all of you — give us so much already.

      But I was wondering whether you were doing the list of books to buy, based on all the ‘Things I Read That I Love’ for the year? I bought so many from the list from last year, and so was looking forward to the potential of…[Read more]

    • Oh how I love, love, love this installment. Such good reads, always. Thank you.

  • Kathleen changed their profile picture 1 week, 4 days ago

  • Thumbnail

    It’s Christmas time which means it’s CHRISTMAS MOVIE TIME. There are Christmas movies on every channel of the television pretty much 24/7. My favorites are probably National Lampoon, A Muppet Christmas […]

    • this is delightful. slam a spiked eggnog for every puppy/kitten/horse/furbaby wearing christmas crap flair.

    • I am so excited about this!

      *Note: I think the schedule posted above is for last year.

    • One drink for Sinbad. Ten drinks if you ARE Sinbad.

    • Hehe this is awesome.

    • Gonna need a couple of Costco-sized bottles of vodka for this

    • How many drinks for a Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places?

    • Hmm… this may require having some medical care on standby.

      • but what if the medical person turned out to be your soulmate and then you learned the true meaning of christmas (unless you’re already in a relationship in which case it will be Santa Claus)

        • What I’m hearing is we have an Autostraddle holiday movie plot right here.

        • Ooh ooh what about the medical person soulmate X-mas teacher person be the liver tissue donor too? You don’t need to be dead to donate liver tissue. It works well enough for cirrhosis. :P

        • Cindy replied 2 weeks ago

          If that’s the case, a few things will happen:

          1) You will be invited out to officiate the wedding (after we get you certified via the webz of course), which we will have over the holiday season… and the wedding reception will consist of about 10-15 different big screen TVS, each one playing a movie that adheres to the aforementioned criteria,…[Read more]

    • And if “Love Actually” comes on, take an entire bottle of wine with you as you run screaming from the room. Then take a nice bath or curl up in bed with some Christmas fanfics of your femslash couple of choice.

    • Both a reaction to this article and an example.

    • Once I calculated it is about 62 days of Christmas movies, meaning roughly 1488 hours of films on the Hallmark Channel alone.
      I like Golden Girls and may have be getting squirrelly with Sophia withdrawl. Algebraically provable math is calming okay?

    • “We’re treated to gratuitous male shirtlessness in a Lifetime movie”
      LOL

      “Rutheless businessperson who doesn’t understand the spirit of Christmas”
      so accurate

    • Sally replied 2 weeks ago

      If only there were movies that could combine all the Christmas movie tropes and all the terrible lesbian film tropes!

      Here are some suggestions:

      A Gay In A Manger

      Lesbian couple Jo and Mary are driving home for Christmas when Mary unexpectedly goes into labour. They make an emergency stop in Bethlehem, KY, where, with the help of a surly…[Read more]

      • I want to hate/shame watch all of these movies over and over.

      • Rey replied 2 weeks ago

        i knew the comments to this article would also be awesome, but i had no idea they would be this awesome.

      • I’m literally sobbing with laughter, this better make it to the comment awards.

      • You are brilliant! I hope you’re doing great things in life!!

    • Laura replied 2 weeks ago

      You forgot the one where the adult gets the gift he/she always wanted from Santa as a little kid.

      My girlfriend and I have been lamenting the lack of lesbian Christmas films (the closest thing I found was a Yahoo Answers page that suggested Precious and Boys Don’t Cry) and have been brainstorming our own. Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Sally replied 2 weeks ago

      I thought of some more…

      Independent Claus

      Mrs Claus is trapped in a loveless marriage to a husband that’s out all night and has too much facial hair. Then one day she meets a free-spirited young female elf who turns her world upside down, and is probably also a photographer. They don’t end up together, but at least one of them cries during…[Read more]

      • Erin replied 2 weeks ago

        I would watch the fuck out of Dyke Hard! Just saying.

    • This is the greatest thing I didn’t know I needed.

  • HELLO and welcome to the 156th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • I don’t have really anything of consequence to say, just wanted you to know that I very much enjoy these roundups. Also Reid’s piece regarding Gregory’s work/her evolving relationship with it is, I don’t know. I’ve no words. Like I’ve been relegated to some feelings atrium where everything is echo-y and feels are being felt and I can’t adequately…[Read more]

    • confessions of an internet troll made me dislike the guy even though he claims to be “reformed”. he’s all nostalgic about how things were when he was the troll and how what he was doing wasn’t as disgusting as what trolls are doing now. Even when he admits that they ruined peoples lives, and what really pisses me off is when he says something…[Read more]

    • “Daughters Have Their Own Agendas,” kicked me in the teeth so perfectly. For so many reasons, but Reid articulated this thing I’ve been wrestling with so delicately and perfectly re: reconciling art that is formative and made by men. I mean:

      “When rereading, I mostly don’t read books like this anymore, I thought, books so publicly filled with…[Read more]

    • Thank you! Your mind goes to very interesting places.

    • I’m super not here for straight bachelorette parties going to LGBT bars. We’re not here to entertain your loud, tacky clusterfuck.

      • If I could click that thumbs up button one gazillion times, I would do it.

        I’m generally OK with straight allies coming to gay bars, as long as they are being jerks, coopting the space, being disrespectful, etc. Straight bachelorette parties are the absolute worst. Like, we are not your freak show zoo. You are disrupting our space with your…[Read more]

        • omg that is tacky as fuck! you don’t go and host your marriage celebration in a space designed for people who were, until very recently, legally barred from marriage. that’s so weird.

      • @Bree, I could upvote you a gazillion times.

      • My straight Male friend told me he went to a gay bar/strip club with a friend who is gay, in Virginia. He said there was some pretty hardcore videos playing and they had private booths. I was curious to find out what place it was. I found it on yelp and to my surprise half the reviews were from straight girls who had birthday and batchelorette…[Read more]

        • Although this reminds me that I get less (not none) unwanted sexual grabbing in bars populated by gay men than bars populated by straight men. I don’t categorically agree with straight women taking up space in lesbian/queer bars but it is pretty sad to think that at least part of the motivation might be to enjoy oneself with a lower rate of sexual…[Read more]

      • This is such a thing at my local gay bar, though! One Saturday night, I saw two dressed-up women wearing “Bride To Be” sashes and at first was like “awwww how adorable, a queer bachelorette!” but haha nope, it was just two separate straight bachelorettes.

        Kinda felt like they were having the time of their lives at what they considered to be…[Read more]

      • I once saw a bachelor’s party in a small town’s only gay bar. In a country where gay marriage was illegal. To add insult to injury, the groom was ‘funnily’ dressed up in women’s clothes. (In Finland it’s a tradition to have the bachelor or bachelorette wear embarrassing clothes. For men, this often means feminine clothing uggghhh) (And yes I am…[Read more]

      • Oh heck yes! As a former culinary professional who has had to work a restaurant with bachelorette parties in progress, I don’t even want to be in a non-queer space where one of these annoyances is going on. Holding it in a queer space, though (especially if it’s in an area where marriage equality hasn’t arrived yet), is absolutely unacceptable.

      • Once at a Gay Night (at a club that was widely known for having a large LGBT presence) I saw a bachelorette party, and honestly I was disgusted. It’s not enough that you and 20 of your drunken bridesmaids have to be rowdy jerks, but you have to rub your upcoming marriage in the faces of a community that isn’t even allowed to have a civil union? It…[Read more]

    • I feel conflicted about this because I go to grad school in a small college town in the middle of nowhere in a purple state. We have one gay bar. It’s dominated by gay men, but I’m glad it exists, if not only for the fact that it’s the only bar in town that doesn’t have a line on football weekends.

      At some point, my entire department started…[Read more]

    • I am mostly annoyed on how cis men come into my safe space and make me feel uncomfortable. I am dick to them and proud of it

      • How do you know they’re cis men? By the way they act, or just by the way they present? If it’s the latter, then you may be wrong.

        • I obviously i know they weren’t women because of fascial hair and I don’t care.

          • So you don’t think trans guys should be at lesbian/queer bars?

            • They shouldn’t be at lesbian bars because it’s a lesbian bar. And trans guys are not women, so they can’t be lesbians. Also, I don’t necessarily think guys shouldn’t be at them, just douchey ones who hit on women. And no, you can’t always tell if someone is a guy by looking at them. But an overwhelming majority of the time, your guess would be…[Read more]

          • Some women have facial hair. You have literally just said you would harass my girlfriend for being in a lesbian bar. People like you are probably the reason she is reluctant to go with me to queer spaces.

            • To be fair, she said if men come up to her and make her uncomfortable she’s a dick to them. It sounds like your girlfriend is somewhat shy and probably wouldn’t go out of her way to make random chicks uncomfortable. I don’t think “being a dick to someone who makes you uncomfortable” is the same as “harassing,” but this conversation is such a…[Read more]

    • When I was single, my straight male best friend accompanied me to many, many a night out at Girlbar. I do remember that he always had to pay a higher cover to get in and he had to be with me (or his girlfriend) to get in. So there was a policy in place to keep guys or groups of guys from just coming in alone.

      I think it’s more difficult to…[Read more]

    • I like that we’re having a conversation about whether or not men should be welcome in girl bars before we’re having a conversation about why trans women aren’t made to feel welcome in them.

      And by like I mean hate. :|

      • I don’t think one was supposed to exclude the other. To the contrary, I think everyone on AS staff believes trans women should always be welcome in queer spaces. Always, always. I acknowledge that isn’t always the case and we should definitely talk about that. But this article doesn’t privilege men and straight cis women over trans women. If…[Read more]

        • I agree with KaeLyn. We’re on AS. I highly doubt anyone here thinks transgender women do not belong in girl bars.

          • You are correct, there is a difference between excluding trans women and just making them feel unwelcome.

            The previous article (and the strangely defensive tone of this official response) both make me feel unwelcome.

            • P.S. I am not making an official response, if you mean me. Believe me, I’m not cool enough to make official responses on behalf of AS. And I didn’t mean to come off as defensive. Sorry if I did! I just was saying that “lesbian/queer/bi woman” in the AS context, should always mean trans and cis and gnc people. Of course, if you feel it doesn’t call…[Read more]

            • KaeLyn, by official response, I meant the article itself (which states at the beginning it is a response to comments inspired by the previous article).

              What I was attempting to express is my surprise that an entire article was created to expound on including/excluding straight folk…when that didn’t feel like the major problem with the…[Read more]

            • it was an attempt to host a debate about “not-queers in queer spaces” because that issue was being debated on reddit because of this article. “not-queers” = straight women, men. why would trans women be included in the “not-queers” category? like i said, that’s not up for debate. (we recently did a story on the michfest policy to that effect)

            • Riese, in response to

              why would trans women be included in the “not-queers” category?

              In the previous article humor was made of graffiti telling people in the men’s room they aren’t welcome. And humor was made of how people with different parts might not feel welcome.

              I know you never meant to target trans women, intersex folks, or trans…[Read more]

          • “I highly doubt anyone here thinks transgender women do not belong in girl bars.” That’s a highly optimistic even tunnel vision take on it. I totally believe there are people on AS who either believe trans women don’t belong in queer women’s spaces or are more than happy to ignore trans women or, at the least, give them stinkeye when they…[Read more]

      • Consider this comment my vote to run the article Starling suggested.

        • Agreed – I would love to see some autostraddle articles about trans* women’s experiences in queer public spaces, especially in the context of lesbian bars

      • I cannot agree with you strongly enough.

        I wish I was more articulate, but I am genuinely shocked that this article is the official response by autostraddle.

        • this isn’t an ‘official response’ to anything? someone saw a reddit thread about whether or not it was okay for men and straight people to go to lesbian bars, and that reddit thread was started because of this post. also some people on facebook were talking about it. and we were like, oh, let’s talk about that here. but i’m not sure what you mean…[Read more]

          • Sorry if I sound belligerent, but as your byline says “CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief”, I kind of think anything you say is kind of official.

            I was unaware of the reddit discussion, and I guess that I assumed this follow up article was made partially because of how some people were hurt by the humor in making fun of the yelp comments.

            For me,…[Read more]

            • While out of context I agree that those comments can look transmisogynistic, in an article that says these are men making the comments, I thought it was clear that if anyone was being transmisogynistic, it was the men who assumed that penis=male. Like, if you read the article as things said by men – which the article makes it clear that that’s who…[Read more]

            • I want to preface this comment by saying that I’m a cis woman, but Starling and Emma, I really want to validate where y’all are coming from. I think AS needs to be a constant place of conversation about how trans women are systematically excluded or made to feel unwelcome in queer lady spaces. Everyone who is not a trans woman is implicated in…[Read more]

            • Mey, I understand that you want it all to be viewed in context, but context is actually what I am asking for.

              The yelp comments were listed for mockery. We are left to assume the author finds them all equally worthy of mocking. Then the comments below make fun of the clueless and rude straight folks.

              I get why this is fun, the yelp comments…[Read more]

            • Erin, I’m totally in agreement with what you say here about listening to trans women and checking ourselves. I was not trying to be dismissive of anyone’s comments. I was actually jumping in to say that I heard what people are saying, that it’s valid and should be talked about, and to clarify that queer trans women are included in “queer women,”…[Read more]

            • Oh, KaeLyn, I am very sorry that I made you feel I was accusing you of transmisogny. That was not my intention. I understand that you didn’t know that what upset me was the previous article. (Similar to how I didn’t catch how Reise had created this followup article because of a reddit thread and not at all because of people being upset in the…[Read more]

          • I think you need to mention that this is in response to stuff off site because otherwise it sounds like its a response to the comments on the previous article posted here.

      • Don’t feel so left out, I will love some article about Trans Men, but it seems that can be an imposible task…

        • Girl on girl site, homie. Not here to talk about men.

          • Silvana, you should be a little more respectful and less bigoted and ignorant.

            Trans Men can undergo surgical and/or hormonal transition, but that doesn’t mean your emotions will also transition or change. That doesn’t mean any Trans Man will want to talk about the latest issue of Playboy or how to “keep women in the kitchen”.

            The letter T…[Read more]

            • Trans man to trans man: stop. Just stop. We’re not women, we cannot be expecting women to center us in discussions about their own spaces. Trans women are women and trans men aren’t, that is why they’re discussing trans women. They should keep doing that, thank you.

              I appreciate & understand that trans men are sometimes welcomed into spaces…[Read more]

            • Yam, you’re a man in a women’s space. Check your privilege.

              Miles- thank you.

            • Please be careful folks, as Yam said elsewhere in the comments they are a lesbian.

              That being said, I think this is an important discussion, but we should all be careful about making assumptions.

            • Yes, thank you, Emma. I’m a lesbian, not a trans man.

              I’m totally aware that we live in a male-dominated society, I can see it and feel it every time I step out from my house.

              What I was talking about is related to what Jay said in his comment, a little further down:

              “I’ve been on AS for years and gone to 2 a camps. I found AS when…[Read more]

            • Yam, I think the confusion over your identity may have arisen due to your strident effort to be an ally to trans folks.

              Stating that transitioning/hormones/surgery doesn’t affect a persons emotions, is a very large claim and some people may have thought you were speaking from personal experience.

              I have to admit, that was my original…[Read more]

            • This still isn’t an “LGBT” web site, Yam. It’s a website for queer WOMEN. Trans men aren’t women.

            • To clarify: not saying trans men can’t read AS, obvs. But don’t expect articles to be centered around trans men. Because this site ISN’T ABOUT MEN.

            • Silvana, I do agree that a firmly self-identified man probably should not think of this site as home and be respectful of that fact. (This is what I believe Miles was expressing. Miles if I am misconstruing what you intended, please correct me.)

              However, gender is not simple and many folks identify in a more complex fashion than just male or…[Read more]

            • Emma, Yam’s original comment was about how s/he wanted to see an article about trans men. I think that sort of article is not really AS’ thing. Transgender people in general, yes. Trans men specifically, no. But I do understand that gender is complicated and nonbinary for many people.

          • Silvana you do realize that AS has had writers who are trans men, and from what I am told have had trans men at A-camp. Not to mention the clothing articles that say he said we said(which some of the people there are trans male).

      • I couldn’t agree more. My best friend, a cisgender lesbian, just invited me to a monthly lesbian event in our area, and I’m torn about going to it with her. I want to go, but I always feel like I have to be on-guard when I go into what’s supposed to be a safe space.

      • Jesus, what a shitstorm.

        AS contributors replying on this, here’s what I’m getting at: You are talking as if this is a settled issue just because in your personal opinion I should be welcome in lesbian spaces.

        Your opinion does not change the world. Your opinion does not change my material reality. And the fact that you consider that…[Read more]

        • You may object and claim that you really do think this is as worthy of conversation, but I had to come in and be the one to bang the gavel and bring everyone’s attention to it.

          Do you think you’d have been having this conversation if I hadn’t come in and made you?

          • Starling, I am so sad that you feel like you have no safe places.

            However, you have managed to be eloquent and succinct in expressing your concerns. Please persevere in trying to find a place to feel safe. Giving up on the hope of acceptance leaves scars, and not invisible ones, as can be seen by my inability to express myself here in this…[Read more]

        • Not sure how you equate “talking about something other than transgender inclusivity in lesbian bars” equals “transgender inclusivity in lesbian bars is not worthy of discussing.” You are saying that the transgender topic is more important than whether or not straights/men can enter lesbian bars. That may be your opinion, but we are still allowed…[Read more]

          • I feel glossed over. I feel stepped past and overlooked. I feel ignored. It’s a feeling I’m sensitive to because it’s something that happens to me almost every time I’m in a womens space. People don’t like to talk about the fact that we exist, and they like even less to listen to us talk about how we feel unwanted and devalued.

            There’ve been…[Read more]

            • Starling, I don’t think anyone wishes to devalue you, your feelings, or your experiences. AS is about the most inclusive queer women’s internet space I’ve ever been to. Now, not being bi or trans, I’d never try to speak to how good a job they are doing in that department, but they really are trying.

              I think if you are experiencing irritation…[Read more]

              • I agree with Shannon. I mean, sure, the few times I’ve gone alone to queer women’s spaces I didn’t exactly feel welcomed with fanfare… but I recognise that that is a safe space for a lot of people. The question of how truly inclusive/welcoming they are of trans/bi/whatever people is definitely something that needs to be discussed, but at the…[Read more]

            • 100% with you there, Starling. Your feelings matter.

              Sharon1981, maybe instead of repeatedly speaking over what trans women have to say, you could fucking listen to us. You DID try to speak to it when you say things like

              We’re on AS. I highly doubt anyone here thinks transgender women do not belong in girl bars.

              ‘Cause you’re completely…[Read more]

              • “My experience with autostraddle is one of lingering dread in the background, because as much as i hope and long for it to be the shiny happy experience so many people talk about, I’m always watching my back, always knowing that I’m gonna run into transmisogyny.”

                Yeah I feel this, so much, that one of these days something will happen here to…[Read more]

            • Impish,
              You’re perhaps the angriest commenter on here. I’ve never seen you have anything good to say to anyone. I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible experience; however, hijacking threads and telling people that we can’t discuss what we’re discussing isn’t the way. Peace.

            • Shannon – she does have a point, though. But so do you. As I said elsewhere in the comments, this is an important discussion to have – but so are many others, and the one should by no means drown out the others.

            • Xenia,
              Yes, she does have a point. I am in no way denying that there is an issue when it comes to the unwelcoming nature of so-called safe spaces toward bi and trans women. It is a serious issue and should be discussed.

              My only issue here is that the comment that started this thread line was essentially telling us that we should not be…[Read more]

    • I don’t think the majority of queer folks would say they’re opposed to all straight people in queer spaces. The point of the original article, at least as I read it, was that if someone is trying to gender-police or pulling some “man-haters!” bullshit they probably weren’t a very accepting/queer-friendly customer to begin with. They’re welcome to…[Read more]

    • It’s a somewhat hard problem. In general, there are a lot of good reasons for being accepting of straight patrons in queer spaces. For one thing, there may be some fetal queers in there. And, well, as a trans woman, policing the apparent gender of patrons is of course something that would make me more concerned than happy.

      I’m more mixed on…[Read more]

    • As someone who doesn’t drink, what I really want is a safe LGBT place to hang out that isn’t a bar.

      I pretty much agree with all of the Nays on the principle of don’t be a dick, in this issue.

      • Yeah, forget bars. How about a queer library? Or coffee shop? A LESBIAN CAT CAFE! Sigh. A girl can dream.

      • Soooooo true! A friend and I used to go to a gay bar years ago, to dance and avoid meatheaded straight guys (he’s black and I’m bi) and I felt so comfortable there because it was happy and queer-friendly – much gratitude to the gay community for letting us in. Although once, a group of straight girls and I tried to go there and they didn’t let ME…[Read more]

      • I want a gay grrrl hookah lounge.

    • My feeling is that straight people shouldn’t come to queer spaces alone, but it’s fine to come with a queer friend as long as you’re respectful and don’t mind being assumed to be queer.
      The only problem with “no unaccompanied straights” is that it might exclude questioning people/ people that are just starting to realize they’re queer that…[Read more]

      • Also, how to test for straights at the door? Do we show them pictures of Kristen Stewart and Chris Pratt and ask them to point to which one they find more sexually appealing?

        • I dunno, straight people seem to be quite adamant on identifying themselves as straight in queer spaces. Let them identify themselves by their actions – if they’re not being disruptive or rude, then they’re fine. If not, then they shouldn’t expect to be catered to in our spaces.

        • Yeah, and then what if you’re bi and you happen to find Chris Pratt more attractive?

    • I think what this brings up is that old “reverse discrimination” argument. Ask almost any straight person or man, and they will not understand why our wanting our own spaces, be it online, in a bar, or wherever else. They will call you a bigot and a hypocrite.

      Personally, I am sick of queer spaces being overrun with heteros, and the last…[Read more]

      • yeah, i feel you. it’s weird b/c when i dated more feminine girls i felt like i was constantly in a zoo when straight men were around, like the way we were treated was so creepy! and i don’t want that at a queer bar. although honestly i rarely ever go out, soooo BUT if i did.

        • Riese, it is creepy! I rarely (read: never) go out anymore since moving back to SC because the one gay bar here is a tiny little hole in the wall that has been overrun with drugs. So…yeah. But, when I lived in NY and other larger areas, I went out all the time, and the straight dudes in girl bars…*shakes head* Just wrong to have to go through…[Read more]

      • To be fair I have seen queer women gawk in lesbian bars, specially when two femme ladies are kissing, or dancing closely.

    • “FOR: Maybe once upon a time you too were the “straight girl” at the lesbian bar”

      SO REAL.

    • I think in most cases, non-queer people do not belong in a lgbtq+ space. Although there are exceptions, I think, to that rule. A bi or pansexual person could have a straight significant other who they would like to bring, and I think that’s fine! Also some lgbtq+ people might need a buffer when first entering queer spaces, but they don’t have any…[Read more]

    • I find really annoying when straight couples, all friends, enter the place, safely holding hands like something is gonna happen to them if they don’t, and all they do is: a) cuddle, b) make out, c) usually the dude wraps an arm around the girl and looks around like saying, “here’s my girlfriend, I’m not gay”. Why did you come to a gay club if you…[Read more]

    • Okay so I haven’t actually read the article yet but intend to. I just wanted to share a story.

      I went to a club that is known to be an LGBT club in Houston. A girl approached me to dance, and I did. She told me I was pretty. I didn’t really think she was, but bad vibes for being mean to a rando, so I said she was too.

      She then asked me if I…[Read more]

      • Word.
        I once went to an LGBTQ grad school mixer because I needed queer friends and there was this girl who came up to me and wanted to talk for ages. And then like an hour in she reveals her straightness by talking about this time that she was hanging out with her friends in a gay bar and this guy approached her and said, “You look too pretty to…[Read more]

      • That is fucking nuts! Seriously some of these stories are blowing my mind. I think last weekend was my first time in a lesbian bar this year, I rarely go out anymore but I’m surprised I think that people are like that. But I guess people are people and we are flawed creatures

      • What about straight people who go to gay bar for a gaycation(in fact there is a book called the straight girls guide to sleeping with women and they talk about gaycation a bit)?

        • That’s disgusting. Why would anyone even do that?

        • There’s sooooo much wrong with that gaycation shit. At the top of the list are a) treating women like objects to experiment with, b) contributing to the already rampant biphobia in this community, and c) insulting us like we’re some kind of trip to an amusement park…I mean, “gaycation?” Really? But yeah, this is a thing, and it helps nothing and no one.

        • I’m not familiar with the “gaycation” thing, but if these women actually want to have sex with women, aren’t they not straight? Like maybe they are heteromantic, but I don’t know any lesbians who are like, “you know what would be fun? having sex with men for a week.” Maybe they are like slowly realizing that they aren’t straight but aren’t ready…[Read more]

      • I want to think that first one is bi chick a waffling a bit with herself, but that last one.

        Faith in humans to be kind and understanding I have very little of, but that’s just so Jenna Maroney shit to the bull right there.

    • I go back and forth. I don’t mind if the person/group seems chill or if it is a regular Friday night. I do mind if it is an advertised/planned queer event and large groups of straight/cis people come in. Fortunately I haven’t experienced that sort of thing a lot. I’m will say in the camp of “Hey, so there’s only like one exclusively lady gay/queer…[Read more]

    • I guess I don’t mind a few straggling straight people every once in a while. As long as they understand that We live in their straight world every. single. day. and need our special spaces.

      And, for the love of God, no bro culture or bachelorette parties.

    • Okay, my earlier rant aside (sorry, lots of personal experience with being stared at like an animal in a zoo cage), this brings up a lot of gray area. What about a bi or pan girl and her straight boyfriend? What about a straight, bi, or pan trans women bringing her straight boyfriend?

      But, then again, with those scenarios, you also get into…[Read more]

      • From my perspective, that happens to be a bi/pan woman’s, if I was dating a guy I might want to share spaces that were important to me with him sometimes. I think I should be able to bring him into those spaces, and I think that on some nights I should be unable to, but even if he was there as my partner he would still be a guest in a queer space.…[Read more]

        • I hear you Julia. My Mum used to work in one in the late seventies/early eighties (it was a book shop that served coffee and cake) but it closed before I was old enough to go to places like that (and now I live in Scotland where there is bugger all).

        • As someone who lives in London and works near Soho, I would love to find out where these remaining places you talk about are!

      • It could also be a bi/pan woman going with her bi/pan boyfriend. My first experiences with being in a queer space were with a bi/heteroflexible boyfriend who took me to his university’s queer association. That was years before I had the guts to come out, which is why those experiences and how well we were received there feel still really validating.

        • Understood. I left out bi/pan boyfriends of queer women because they pretty much automatically belong. I also like what @Julia said above re: being aware that queer people “see” the heteronormative default 24/7 all over the world. I know, of course, that looking at a couple who is gf/bf does NOT mean they are straight, but, it is still, on the…[Read more]

          • I feel like maybe when a bisexual different gendered couple turns up it might help if they wore bi pride symbols so people could tell (speaking as a bi woman whose ex boyfriend was also bi). I don’t feel like we should have to but it might be a thing that could help ease tension.

    • “I think probably I would suggest that we all come back to my place, get stoned, play Scattergories and eat Pumpkin Spice Oreos.” I’ll be over in 6 hours.

      I’m a queer girl who lives in Los Angeles. The gayest event to happen in LA this year was the Robyn concert at the Hollywood Bowl. There used to be a few girl’s nights in LA but now most of…[Read more]

      • Also, thank you for that graphic. I’m saving it because I just know it will come in handy in the future.

      • I hear this.

        Philosophically I could have an opinion on this debate, but yeah, gay bars have never felt particularly fun/welcoming to me to begin with, so I find it hard to care. I always experienced them as similarly judgmental and painful (but in a different way) to non-gay bars.

        I have always much preferred other spaces – but they can be…[Read more]

      • Can we for a second talk about how 90% of the dancers at lesbian bars are straight girls? I have a friend who was a regular at Truckstop and love their dance show; but, didn’t like hearing back, sorry I’m into men, when she just complemented and tipped them.

        • Everywhere I go there are half naked heterosexual women. On television. On magazine covers. On billboards. In music videos. In commercials. I see innumerable female midriffs per day/per week/per year. I am inundated with images of the fit, conventionally attractive, half naked heterosexual woman. The last place I want to see another half naked…[Read more]

          • I think so, as there must be a reason why queer women aren’t dancing at such venues. Like for lesbian Jesus sake can someone explain to me why we can’t have queer dancers? At gay men’s night most of the dancers, I’m told are queer, why can’t the women? Another friend ask a dancer why she dances there. She replied something to the effect she…[Read more]

      • This is everything

      • Overheard while walking to my seat at that Robyn show: “Um, I think there are a few gays here.”

      • This was beautiful

      • Hey Monique, former Angelino here. You might enjoy Akbar (east side)? It’s neighborhoody/queer.

        • PS Wednesday nights at Akbar are craft nights, where you make things with glitter and popsicle sticks. It’s that kind of place.

        • I live in the same neighborhood as Akbar! Craft nights are fun, but every other night seems to be just gay dudes in sleeveless brotanks after 8 pm. As far as gay bars go it’s my favorite place to go dancing after I’ve had a few drinks bc it’s a relative safe, unsceney bar, but it’s still by no means a community space. It’s definitely more for boys, too.

          • Monique, cool! I lived in Silverlake for about nine years. Though I haven’t lived there for a while, and it sounds like Akbar has changed a bit since the last time I was there.

      • Now I want a bacon wrapped hot dog, even though I’ve been a vegetarian for years. Seriously, coming out of Here or Girlbar after a night of loud music and overpriced cocktails, those hot dogs were the BEST.

    • As someone who is just shy of actually being old enough to go to bars I’m not sure not sure how relevant this will be but I’ve been reading about lesbian bars recently and although I think it’s very gross and voyeuristic that straight people would go there I guess the one thing I worry about is if you’re somehow going to somehow prevent straight…[Read more]

      • YES – I am 100% against straight people coming into queer spaces and being assholes, but I also really don’t like identity policing. Who gets to decide who belongs in queer spaces? Who is “gay enough”? As a femme-ish queer person who is not a lesbian, I am often hesitant to seek out queer spaces because I worry that I will feel unwelcome, because…[Read more]

        • Yes! Let’s call people out for their behavior and leave their identities alone (because identities are fuzzy sometimes anyway).

      • I def wouldn’t want to be interrogated about my sexuality either, especially since so many gay people have made it clear to my face that they don’t believe in bisexuality. But for me at least, the point of saying “straight people should (generally, with exceptions) not go to gay bars” isn’t to make it literally, like, against bar policy so you…[Read more]

      • I feel that not being gay enough for the LBGTQ center. The one at my school was called the Rainbow Resource Room and looked like it was decorated by a five year old who only believed in primary colors. It also had a large glass window/wall so it was impossible to be in there without every person walking on one of the major path’s seeing you. It…[Read more]

        • You put into words exactly how I feel about the resource center at my university, in a way I definitely never could express. It’s fascinating (and incredibly sad) how a space that intends to be inclusive can be unintentionally exclusive.

      • Oh Mo, darling, I feel so hard. Femme invisibility is too real and all too often it reflects back from all directions. Unfortunately, it often results in not feeling queer ‘enough’. That feeling sucks. I have mostly all butch/moc gay lady friends and I sometimes don’t even feel queer enough for them. Suuuuuucks hard.

    • The Country Club in New Orleans existed as an awesome clothing optional queer bar/pool for 20 or so year with no problems.

      Straight people started going there in mass.

      It’s not clothing optional anymore…

      • Pretend that year has an “s” on it.

      • Not to mention the drugging and rape of a patron whose face got posted on a flyer after coming forward for “ruining” everything.

        • Well, that’s what I meant by subtly attempting to imply that straight dudes ruin queer spaces without bringing up the specifics of that woman’s horrifying experience. The victim blaming makes me ill and furious.

          I was trying to tread lightly because there are so many implications with this situation. I almost didn’t say anything about it…[Read more]

          • I’m terrible at subtle and can maybe only tread lightly on my bare feet. Sorry if I’ve made you or anyone else uncomfortable.
            Yeah I think we all realise just mere presence of a cishet man in a queer space doesn’t mean sexual assault is going to happen and the baggage of rape culture has no confines.

            • No no. I was just trying to explain what I meant, or rather, didn’t mean.

              The policy change was going to happen anyway. People, yep straight ones, were romping on the sidewalk out front and in the neighbor’s yards. The bar itself announced that Jay Z and Beyonce were there. They had to know that as a business that is not conforming to code, no…[Read more]

            • It’s also a shame that these people made fliers blaming a sexual assault victim for ending their public naked fun sexi timez when they could have maybe brought about positive change if they’d made them about the NOPD detective who closed a case on a two-year-old assault victim because the toddler was unable to disclose enough evidence. No, these…[Read more]

      • They also pitched such a fit about my SF ID, urgh.

        • Sorry about that things have been cracking down around here lately. When I was in highschool (5 yrs ago) classmates went to bars, drank and partied all the time.

          As short a time as 2 years ago I could walk into someplace with a group of people and not get carded as long as didn’t order a drink a drink myself at the bar, but I could and did…[Read more]

          • Except my ID was totally legit – the only problem is that it was technically expired, but most places don’t check for that since the name, face, address all still check out and are hologrammed. They were just being persnickety about it for no good reason.

            • That’s what I mean, the crackdown has been harsh. Something small like that 2 years ago a bar, club, place that serves alcohol as a vital part of their business would have let that go but now nah uh. Cost a doorperson their job maybe.

            • A friend of mine got busted last week for serving someone with an expired id. It’s a huge fine etc. It’s been an easy money grab for a while now and my friend knew better but they were slammed.

              I’m old as hell and I get carded unless I know the bartender. It wasn’t personal.

              This reminds me, I think my license expired on my birthday…

    • The people you described sound like the worst.

    • I am shocked that this article is the official response to how the previous article…

      sparked debate on the “not-queers in queer spaces”

      For me, the original article was upsetting because of how the yelp posts were used for humor. They were just listed and mocked…and the mocking dragged down a lot of queer women.
      As if no queer women…[Read more]

    • No. Just…. no. Queer people need queer spaces. I don’t care if gay men are at dyke night or vice versa, but we need to have spaces where we can socialize and be ourselves and not have to worry about the male gaze and everything else that comes along with it.

      I grew up in a small town with one gay bar a town over and on any given night, half…[Read more]

      • This is kinda why I don’t really go to our Pride thing on the Sunday and instead just go to Dyke March on the Saturday before.

        Not that I always feel entirely comfortable/welcome there (though I haven’t had any *negative* experiences there), I do feel more comfortable there as it’s almost only “target audience” there – unlike at Pride where it…[Read more]

    • I think that having a safe space is important and while I feel like there are good arguments to be made for why those should exclude or restrict the presence of non queer or unaccompanied queer people I keep thinking about how the only lesbian bar in my fairly large mostly queer friendly city has had a very on again off again relationship with…[Read more]

      • yeah I wonder about that too — historically lesbian-owned lesbian-catered businesses usually fail, and bars are no exception. i’m determined to prove otherwise with this business, but damn, it’s hard.

    • How do we feel about straight couples when at least one of them is trans, or queer at queer bar?

      I identify as queer and genderqueer. I’ve yet to start taking hormones, but so far haven’t had too much issues at lesbian bars/ladies nights. To be fair I was with all queer women, but did notice people hating. Though I did get odd looks(wearing…[Read more]

      • I feel really into straight-appearing couples where someone’s queer or trans or both. I think anytime we see the clear disparities in our larger community being enforced in our spaces we need to step back and reconsider. I have friends who are trans but unable to transition medically (a few are uninterested but most are unable due to money/legal…[Read more]

      • That should have said didn’t notice*

      • I think it very much depends on the intent of the couple and their behavior. For example, there was this couple i had seen in a dyke bar a couple of times and the woman would start dancing with other women and he would watch and then she would eventually go back to him and that made me uncomfortable. Because she was fetishizing us. She was using…[Read more]

    • “I think probably I would suggest that we all come back to my place, get stoned, play Scattergories and eat Pumpkin Spice Oreos.”

      100% best plan always. Maybe also explains why I never meet new people.

      I’m generally down with straight people in queer bars when they’re respectful/aware/behaving themselves. Hella not into having door policies…[Read more]

    • “I think probably I would suggest that we all come back to my place, get stoned, play Scattergories and eat Pumpkin Spice Oreos.”

      YES.

    • OMG, the bachelorette parties. Seeing a former classmate show up at a queer bar on a bachelorette party-tour made me feel like a deviant freakshow. If you’ve never been to the queer bar, don’t start by celebrating your straight friend’s straight wedding in a place that doesn’t have marriage equality yet. I think that should be self-enforced,…[Read more]

      • On that note what is with cis gay men groping women?

        • I have no idea, but I’m sad to say that as a somewhat masculine woman I experience more harrassment from gay men than from straight men. I have also encountered misogynistic comments and lesbophobia from cis gay men. Once a guy came angrily to tell us to get a room when I was kissing my gf at a gay bar! It’s ironic that I have never encountered…[Read more]

        • Not being interested in romantic or sexual relationships with women doesn’t mean they’ve ever exhumed their entitlement to women’s bodies or any number of other misogynist cultural messages they learned.

    • I feel like much of the entitlement from non-queers in specifically lesbian spaces is due to the fact that they are female spaces. Both men and women, but men especially, tend to feel entitled to invading a female space. Defining women they hardly know, catcalling, inserting themselves into a conversation between women, because it “doesn’t feel…[Read more]

    • So, a few things:

      – just about every lesbian/queer/gay/trans space i’ve seen had allies who were straight, male, etc. Hell, even the L Word had ‘Lisa’ (who I still maintain is one of the most accidentally subversive characters in canon. Rachel, I haven’t forgotten about that article).

      – historically, these spaces have existed for people…[Read more]

    • I’m a lesbian and my BF is gay, so we know a bunch of lesbian/gay/queer/trans clubs, bars and such, we went together to many of this places, I even went to some bathhouses.

      And here is what I’ve learned: it seems that we have better manners than the mayority of straight folks.

      If you’re straight in a LGBT place and somebody comes at you…[Read more]

    • Keeping straight people out of those spaces ends up excluding bi and pansexual people, or trans queers who may pass and appear to be in a ‘straight’ relationship. Queer bars are often places we bring our dates and significant others, so if we ban a bi girl from bringing her straight male partner we’re essentially excluding her from our culture.…[Read more]

      • I don’t think anyone is talking about banning anyone, because that’s not legal or possible

        • But people are talking about proudly harassing anyone they (mis)read as men in lesbian bars.

      • I don’t think it would be possible (or legal) to ban straight guys outright. I also understand the tiresome “pick a side” line. However, something you have to understand is this: queer women have so few spaces of our own, and as the “State of the Lesbian Bar” series has highlighted recently, they are getting fewer. Most women are not out at the…[Read more]

        • But people are at queer bars to socialize with their friends and partners and friends’ partners. For some people, that might mean different gender relationships.

          Also, your use of “our own” for queer women to argue against the bisexual woman’s perspective implies that you don’t think bi women are queer and they don’t need queer spaces. That is shitty.

          • Of course I don’t think that, at all. Bi/pan/[insert queer identity here] belong there. I thought I made that quite clear.

            • You’re explaining the need for queer spaces to bi women as if they don’t already understand that and need it too: “However, something you have to understand is this: queer women have so few spaces of our own”). The “you” is bi/pan women and the “queer women” means lesbians. The way you phrase your argument doesn’t include bi women as queer.
              [Read more]

          • Replying up here because your bottom comment has no buttons. Anyway, I in no way meant to explain that in an exclusive way. To me, a queer woman is a queer woman is a queer woman. Let me make that clear. I apologize if it came off otherwise.

            All spaces should be welcome to all queer women, regardless of identity. However, there are many reasons…[Read more]

      • Thank you for your comment. Encapsulated a lot of what I feel, having a male partner, in a much smaller character count than my own comment. It’s so painful to feel shut out from a community I love so much. I’ve stopped attending Pride for numerous reasons (the Pink Pound, promotion of alcohol/drug abuse in a community with already statistically…[Read more]

    • I know this article is mostly addressing nonqueer people in queer spaces, but it did touch on men in queer women spaces. The article seemed to mostly point out issues with cis men, but what about trans men? I know this a queer women site and not a space for discussing mens issues, trans or not. But I am a nonbinary more masculine trans person who…[Read more]

    • Last time I went to the “gay” bar in Tulsa there were two straight couples who came in alone and were the only ones making out on the dance floor. First of all, ew. Second of all, why are you even here?? Echoing the above sentiment, there are much better bars available for that. They can make out in literally any other space, why do they feel the…[Read more]

      • Yep. I mean, I would never, ever tell a bi or pan woman that she is not a community member just because she has a cis male partner. But, on the other side of that, let’s not pretend that there aren’t threesome hunting couples and voyeuristic men who get off on girl on girl action and stuff like that. It’s gross and the last place we should have to…[Read more]

    • I guess where I draw the line is the “bro-culture” and straight bachelorette parties. I was at a gay club in my city a few weeks ago and the girls in this bachelorette party were being incredibly disrespectful toward the drag queens who were performing. One of them kept slapping the queen’s ass everytime she went by.

      This is a huge problem…[Read more]

    • Great article. So many opinions on this topic. I think some of the issues with queer only bars is it can/most likely does create a culture of policing gender and sexuality. Because, you can’t just look at someone and know if they’re straight/if their partner(s) and friend (s) are straight unless they tell you so. Also, it lends itself to assuming…[Read more]

      • Also femme invisibility also can be a cause of gender and sexuality policing. There’s defs a lot of reasons why I avoid bars for the most part. And yeah, bachelorette parties seriously don’t need to come to queer bars. Straight people who come to watch and fetishize folks should not come.

        • Femme invisibility is a huge reason I avoid bars all together as well. It’s a little frustrating because I turn out to be the “straight girl” in the “wrong place”. I’ve got anxiety on top of being terribly shy so it’s hard for me to approach females/flirt/whathaveyou and that contributes to it. I’m completely against bachelorette…[Read more]

          • Totally feel you on the anxiety stuff. Like, I think I might have the intimidating unapproachable femme thing going on cause people generally don’t come talk to me apart from for checkins and not to flirt. and because of the anxiety, that’s the reason I don’t approach others.

      • Thanks Bronwyn for bringing this one up.
        While having despised the straight harem tagging along with gay men (who where then super akward/rude if hit on by a girl) in a mixed club in town, and being seriously offended by straight men occupying lesbian bars and utterly misbehaving, I run into a whole new issue now I’m dating a (cis) man.…[Read more]

    • Some stories:

      1. My first birthday in Australia I asked my gang of girls – 3 super girly straight girls – to take me out to a gay bar, since I’d never been able to go to one. All three got hit on by other girls in the club. The one actual queer girl in the group? All I got was some gay dude leering on me and claiming that him being gay negates…[Read more]

      • Oh I remembered another one:

        My ex-burlesque mentor, a straight woman, would get gigs to perform at the main lesbian party in Brisbane all the time. Yet she’d bitch about the attendees behind their back. (She was also, and still is, a huge racist.)

        A year or so ago I learned that the LGBTQ organisation I used to volunteer for (and who were…[Read more]

        • I’m sorry people have been such total a-holes to you.
          I am continuously disgusted by what white people will say to me, thinking that I’ll agree, and considering this is supposed to be a diverse inclusive city, I can only imagine what it would be like in places that are less so.
          I did find that lesbian bars/events I went to had unspoken dress…[Read more]

          • I ended up moving to the Bay Area to get away from the racist Australian burlesque scene, but the irony is that I ended up moving away from burlesque altogether once I got here!

            • Well I’m assuming/hoping you found other fabulousness since you strike me as someone whose creativity can’t be contained (thank goodness!)

          • “in my normal (floor-length fuschia skirt and top hat, or dirndl and tailcoat, or corset and lollipops in my hair)”

            Oh wow that sounds absolutely fantastic! How could anyone react with hostility to that, I don’t understand – my first reaction to seeing someone with lollipops in their hair would probably be to grin, but then I’m a fan of…[Read more]

            • Oooooh! You must be another Vancouverite! Yay!
              If you want to go to one of those shows with me and my lovely wife, PM me. We’d love to go together – I always thought the Rollergirls would be fun to go see too, and I’m def up for more burlesque, there’s some v. queer, diverse stuff going on!
              We are friendly and always up for meeting new and…[Read more]

          • “(floor-length fuschia skirt and top hat, or dirndl and tailcoat, or corset and lollipops in my hair)”

            Please never change.

      • This is a really important perspective that gender and orientation policying often goes along with racism. Thanks for sharing!!

    • I didn’t read all of the comments (yet, at least…) but I literally made an account just to comment on this article. One of the comments here mentions straight couples making out at gay bars: how do you know they’re not queer and/or trans? I identify as a femmey trans/genderqueer person but I can’t “pass” even when I want to. Which means when…[Read more]

    • Also lets remember that not everyone’s identity is immediately obvious. There could, for example be a bisexual woman, who came in with her male partner who still wants a space to feel comfortable with her identity and search for queer community.

      • I’m snickering because I kinda sorta maybe did that, but he was mistaken for some rando straight guy that was likely bothering me while we were dancing by 2 nice young ladies who wanted to make sure I was okay and if I needed help making him go away.

        The point was tho to escort my baby gay friend and her crush during a Pride thing which was on…[Read more]

      • Whenever I date a dude, I don’t take him to queer spaces unless it’s a mixed function where partners are welcome.

        There are so many other places and bars where we can go together, and it feels imposing for me to rub my privileged relationship in @ a space meant for marginalized people.

    • I’ve tried to be inclusive of straight people for a long time, I really have. I think as a community we need to start setting our standards higher, we’re so desperate for acceptance (particularly from the dominant cultural group) we won’t say no to anyone who wants our spaces or wants our time and its very much a case of give them an inch and…[Read more]

      • I really like this comment and agree with every single word of it!

      • That’s really awful and fucked up and I’m so sorry that happened to you.

      • “As far as the gay nights go (especially those that were like fun and easy for like the newly out 18 year old set) – they’re overrun by straight girls who are loud and obnoxious, all the queer women have stopped going as a result. Its just not fun anymore. As well as that, straight women view queer women as bodies for ‘experimentation’ with. I’ve…[Read more]

    • I’m a pansexual trans guy and haven’t been to a lesbian bar yet. I’m not sure if I would go because a) I don’t want to invade a women’s space and b) I would probably be misgendered anyways. I’ve been to a gay bar once and was constantly misgendered even after correcting people on my pronouns.

      I’m lucky enough to live in DC, where there’s a…[Read more]

    • Meandering ill constructed thoughts:
      In the 90s a couple of lesbian bars down south in England had a “Lesbians and their gay male guests” only door policy. Don’t know how they policed it, in hindsight I suspect terribly, but to my newly out extremely bullied 15year old dyke brain it sounded great, like somewhere I’d go when I was 18. I am 31,…[Read more]

    • Last night I was out at a LGBT bar with a gay man and another lesbian. Our space was invaded by a bunch of drugged up straight, white men and girls who proceeded to tell us loudly about their heterosexuality and then non consensually touched us all. Multiple times.

      SIGH

      GO THE FUCK AWAY PLZ

    • My partner and I were discussing this article last night, and she made a very interesting (and I think valid) point: that as lesbians, when we go out to bars for gay men, we behave like guests. We don’t get mad when we’re not served right away, we don’t expect to see charming smiles on everybody’s faces, and we keep mostly to ourselves unless a…[Read more]

      • into all of this

      • Where do you live where there are “generally queer bars” and “lesbian bars”? I think if there’s a space focused on queer women in most cities, there’s just one, which makes your suggestion for bi women in relationships with guys impractical.

        Also, some lesbians are “uncomfortable” with my bisexuality and my different gender relationship?…[Read more]

      • Although I agree with a lot that you are saying, please note that we most often don’t “get to straddle both worlds” but rather are not completely welcomed or made to feel at home in either.
        I am defending my ass off all the time and everywhere!
        And yes I am very aware that I ‘pass’ as being straight a lot of the time and that this grants me a…[Read more]

        • I was going to say something about the “get to straddle both worlds” comment, but you beat me to it. So in agreement with this.

        • “If I bring the BF, I vouch for him and me being queer is/should be a good enough reason to be there for both of us (keeping in mind the things mentioned above).”

          I personally think that bringing an opposite sex partner in marginalized space is a little obnoxious and imposing- especially in a society where same sex relationships are not…[Read more]

          • emmie replied 2 weeks ago

            That is like saying, you are only welcome if you are queer enough.

            I don’t want to go all cry-baby about how marginalised I feel at times in places that claim to be inclusive and safe places. But the reason these kind of comments really get on my nerves is because they do reinforce the idea that you are only welcome if you prove yourself to be…[Read more]

            • But the reason these kind of comments really get on my nerves is because they do reinforce the idea that you are only welcome if you prove yourself to be queer enough.

              Which in reality means that I am welcome when I am alone or with a GF, but not with a BF, then I am dropped like a hot potato. I am not part of the group who decides who is…

              [Read more]

          • Jane replied 2 weeks ago

            Yes, there are plenty of (non-queer) spaces where mixed-gender couples can be welcome – but we will be assumed to be heterosexual in all of them, and they will not provide the opportunity to socialize with other queers and feel safe and welcomed among them that a queer/bisexual person might very naturally want.

            I wonder whether you might be…[Read more]

            • Yes, there are plenty of (non-queer) spaces where mixed-gender couples can be welcome – but we will be assumed to be heterosexual in all of them, and they will not provide the opportunity to socialize with other queers and feel safe and welcomed among them that a queer/bisexual person might very naturally want.

              TBH, I can’t really relate to…[Read more]

            • Emma replied 2 weeks ago

              Kanika, you said, “As annoying as being misread as heterosexual (or lesbian) is (and I get it all the time mind you), it’s not something that makes me lose sleep. I just correct the assumptions and move on/forward with my life.”

              Okay, so you can just move on, but not everyone can just get over the consequences of times they were misread. In a…[Read more]

            • @Emma- I didn’t dismiss your post. I originally referred you to my original post because it explicitly said that I felt that transgender people (regardless of orientation) should be welcomed in queer bars- because even if heterosexual, trans people do have a shared sense of marginalization.

              Also- I felt that your post came off a bit sarcastic…[Read more]

            • And also @Emma- I explicitly stated that I can’t relate to that particular issue from the first.

              That doesn’t make me the judge of anything. My sole intention is to point out the various privileges that cisgender opposite sex couples in general society, and how to be aware of them.

            • Emma replied 2 weeks ago

              Kanika, I hope I can explain myself without seeming too confrontational.

              First I need to address how you said,

              “…I felt that transgender people (regardless of orientation) should be welcomed in queer bars- because even if heterosexual, trans people do have a shared sense of marginalization.”

              It seems problematic to me to extend…[Read more]

            • @Emma:

              It seems problematic to me to extend inclusion at a lesbian bar to all heterosexual trans women and gay trans men, if all other heterosexual women and gay men are unwelcome. It implies everyone can tell who is trans and it implies trans people who “pass” are under an obligation to prove they belong by outing themselves as trans.…

              [Read more]

          • Jane replied 2 weeks ago

            I must have missed when you mentioned you were fluid, Kanika, sorry.

            It sounds like we’re coming from essentially the same place here in we agree it’s both important and tricky trying to keep a safe space without hurting those it’s supposed to protect at times.

            I get that not everyone will relate to the issue of being bothered by being…[Read more]

      • This. So much. OMFG, a million upvotes for you!

      • Yaaaaasss! To all of this.

    • I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A ‘STRAIGHT PEOPLES’ TEARS’ MUG.

    • I think for me it all comes down to intent. Why are you (whoever you are, queer or not) coming into (what I hope is) a safe space? Are you here because you’re family and want to be around others who make you feel safe? Wonderful! Are you coming because someone invited you in? Great! Are you here because you feel like it’s a place where you can be…[Read more]

    • Well I’ll tell you what there’s a (probably) straight man I’d like to kick out of this queer bar over on another post right now…

      http://www.autostraddle.com/fools-journey-the-fascinating-life-of-pamela-colman-smith-267673/#comment-438693

      :<

      • I swear I saw him on another post this week or last, and he was being a jerk there, too. I can’t remember which one, though, but the name is really familiar. Why do people want to come onto websites where people are just minding their own business and ruin it for everybody?

    • Most of the time, I find it profoundly annoying when cishet people enter queer bars because the experiences I have had with them in these spaces range from the annoying to unpleasant…including that one time a creepy cishet white couple came into a bar looking for a third.

      I’m not opposed het couples with trans partners, or trans het people.…[Read more]

      • Yes, I don’t understand why you would need to bring your boyfriend to the bar, per se? If you’re just going to the bar to make friends or whatever, I don’t see why you need to bring him. You’ll probably have more fun without him, anyway, I would think? Maybe that’s just me. I can’t handle being glued to someone.

        • Right? I really don’t need to bring my partner to every social gathering I go to (actually, I prefer *not* to).

          There are so many places that opposite sex couples can go to. It is not necessary to impose your privileged relationship in one of the few spaces where marginalized people can feel comfortable in.

      • Just echoing stuff above, sometimes bi/pan girls date bi/pan boys though!

        • True but please note that opposite sex couples have societal privileges that same sex couples don’t, regardless of orientation.

    • I’m pretty much against straight people going into queer bars, BUT I don’t know what to say to my sister when she says that it’s one of the few bars where she feels safe. Like, there’s not much I can say to that? Especially when she wants to go out with her best friend, who’s a gay man, and he wants to go to a gay bar. Sigh. Maybe I do just feel…[Read more]

    • “Maybe once upon a time you too were the ‘straight girl’ at the lesbian bar” gave me so many feelings. My friends and I, who were all straight-identified at the time, used to make trips out to the only remotely nearby gay bar in late high school and early college. And it always felt like home for me, way way before I was able to understand why.…[Read more]

    • I’m of the mindset that it is only appropriate for straight cisgender people to go to queer bars and clubs when they are the guest of a queer person.

    • I’ll admit I haven’t read through all the comments, so not sure if anyone else brought this up already, but first off, I feel like the question of allowing men and/or straight people in bars can’t be handled so generally. If you live in a big city with a bustling scene, then you can afford to disperse into different bars, whereas in small towns…[Read more]

    • Quite often I’ll see groups of straight people having a drink at my local lesbian bar, not being dicks, just totally normal like they could be in any other bar. I always wonder if they even know where they are or have noticed the rest of the clientele.

    • Oh dear. When I read the original list, I was surprised to be as angry as I was at the entitled presumptions of the men/straight women who posted these bad reviews. My girlfriend cross-posted it a forum on Fetlife, Ask a Male a Question, to ask “why do straight men go to lesbian bars?” The responses we got were so hate-filled and vitriolic it was…[Read more]

      • holy shit, kiah! that is some ridiculous shit, and sadly not even surprising. i don’t understand why people think reverse discrimination is a thing, how have they lived their entire lives believing this

      • whoa that is like a bullshit omelette of every strain of straight tears imaginable

      • Pretty much everything here.

    • Here in Tijuana there are only three gay bars dominated by gay men. On occasion I’ve known of straight girl friends who go there to have a good time because they play good music and don’t get harassed. And over in Mexico City, my best friend friend likes going to gay bars with her male friends for the music (as a starting bar, then they end up in…[Read more]

    • I think people here are taking the “no straight people allowed” thing a little too…literally? I mean, in my experiences, the people who do not belong in queer spaces are the people who very vocally self-identity as straight and/or voyeuristic to begin with. Privileged people who are very entitled are quite proud of the fact. Let the assholes…[Read more]

      • What on earth does “just be aware of how you present yourself, and how your partner fits in”?

        • i think it’s like, how they fit in within this space, as in “not the center of attention”

        • Presence, not presentation. Like Riese said, recognize what space your in and how your existence in that space affects the demographic it is intended for.

          • *space you’re in

          • I feel like this comment implies that as a bi women I’m not included in the “demographic it is intended for”. There are also bi women with women partners whose presence isn’t questioned in queer women’s bars. So, bi women are welcome only if they’re single or with a woman?

            • You have grossly misunderstood my comment. It’s more in reference to the non-queer women who are entering our spaces. You, as a bi woman, belong in the space as an equal member. If you’re bringing a male partner or a straight female friend, they are guests, therefore they should act respectfully as a guest rather than a member. It’s a very…[Read more]

    • I’m relatively new to commenting on this site and this post is both evocative and intimidating because the whole community has so many beautiful, strong opinions! Anyway, I remember being that ‘straight’ girl in the gay bar and feeling like i found my people before actually coming out so I’m def opposed to gender policing. On the OTHER hand, I’ve…[Read more]

      • “The BEST nights I had were at illegal, underground lesbian nights in basements! Great music, absolute comfort, and wayyy more gender queer and trans presence. The closest thing to heaven I’ve ever experienced!”

        Underground trans-friendly lesbian raves? I would travel for that…

        • Haha! Do it :) Yep, one of them was called the BBC (Bitches Be Crazy) and was held on the ‘wrong side’ ;) of Dublin’s city centre, another was in an artists studio (Moxy Studios) space on the South side.

          One of the things we as a queer community can count on is each other, especially in creating safe spaces that may or may not crop up in…[Read more]

    • This all seems excessively and unnecessarily complicated, but I think that’s why I prefer to join my bros at straight clubs and I have game night in with my lesbian friends. The gay scene is too messed up.

    • One of my besties is a straight cis woman. I Bring her and occasionally other non queer, respectful friends to gay bars. She is the best wing woman ever. I wouldn’t go to a bar that she wasn’t allowed to go to.

      That said, I hate when bachelor parties, straight couples on dates or dudebros that get pissed when I say no invade queer spaces.

    • i would just like to take a moment to appreciate how the folks at autostraddle continually succeed to wonderfully recontextualise stock images that were clearly designed for a heteronormative context.

      my opinion on the the actual topic…. i think worrying about what patrons sexual and gender orentation is is a bit icky. i think what’s…[Read more]

    • Years ago, one of the very first times I went to a lesbian bar was at the E Room in Portland, I’d been maybe two or three other times (and felt pretty unwelcome already as a very femme-presenting queer girl) but the third or fourth time I went was the last night the bar was open before it closed. Everyone knew it was going to be reopening as a…[Read more]

    • Also, I like to remind people that stuff like this happens when we decide who’s straight and who isn’t based on how they look or who they’re with: http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/05/12/today-in-anonymous-lipstick-lesbian-rage

      • My (arguably trivial in the grand scheme of things) first reaction to this, particularly bartenders ignoring people they think are straight/other queer folks, was kind of this. Disrespectful, all about them, straight, cis folks shouldn’t eff up queer spaces or make them less magical, but if we police queer spaces against them queer people are…[Read more]

      • As much as reading that made me cry a little, thank you for sharing the link.

      • UGH, I feel this. I posted below, but I tried coming out when I was younger and was told by all the dykes in our cities only lesbian bar that I looked too straight and wasn’t a lesbian, so I went back into the closet and didn’t come out again until I had a 4 year long failed relationship with a man. This stuff makes me so angry.

    • I don’t know how I feel about this tbh because I don’t really go to lesbian bars – more like cultivated queer nights that happen in other places. But here is my experience:

      My friends were getting (gay) married and one of them wanted to go to a lesbian bar for her hen do. Her hens were probably half queer and half not. We all went, clearly a…[Read more]

      • But, being mean is fun.

        Straight-looking queer girls should just get over it. If they want to be accepted they should look more queer. But not too queer, that would be worse (as was stated above by other commenters, facial hair = deserving harassment).

        And the friends and family of queer girls (including their children) should just accept…[Read more]

    • This is a toughie for me. I’m a bi boy who gets along with women far better than men. Pretty much everyone I know is a woman, cis or trans. Many are lesbian or bi. It may sound strange, but the little-known concept of the “male lesbian” describes me quite well. If anyone remembers Lisa from The L Word, I feel akin to that but less ridiculous about…[Read more]

    • Lol wait what…? Are you serious? You entitled, ugly scissoring chicks. As a straight male; please don’t call me CIS, I don’t identify as that :); this is insane.

      If we straight dudes put up a “STRAIGHT ONLY” sign outside of a bar you guys would literally burn the city down… However you entitled pricks think you deserve your own “LESBIAN…[Read more]

    • Its also important to realize that the “straight” couple kissing at the bar may have one or both people be bisexual, pansexual etc or be trans in some way.

      • Yes, but it doesn’t take away the societal privileges that opposite sex couples have. Opposite sex couples can make out at any bar they please, why go to the few spaces that same sex couples have to be themselves?

        • Emma replied 2 weeks ago

          Yeah, a couple with someone trans can make out anywhere. Yup, all trans folk “pass” 100%. And young trans folk just starting out or folk who don’t want to (or can’t medically) take hormones, they definitely can just make out anywhere, no problems.

          I mean, in my first year of dealing openly with gender stuff, I never had anyone perceive me as a…[Read more]

    • This is something I struggle with a lot, because I am very queer and currently very in love with a boy. I really miss gay bars and the general vibe of a bunch of queers in a queer space, but the few times we’ve been drunk enough to just go for it I’ve felt less than welcome and like a bit of an intruder.

    • At my local gay bar here in Newcastle, we are more than welcoming of the straight community. They keep us afloat. There are often bachelorette parties there of a saturday night, and the venue also happens to be one of the best music venues in the city and will often be filled with the people coming to watch the bands. And many straight…[Read more]

    • It’s really really complicated for me. Firstly I’m hardly ever read correctly in terms of gender – or in my case, lack thereof – so dependent on situation I’m read as a butch dyke, or an ‘alternative’ straight girl. I don’t mind the former and use the label ‘dyke’ interchangeably with a few others – I do feel ‘dyke’, whereas I definitely don’t…[Read more]

      • My feels on the fact most queer or LGBT spaces involve drinking or drug-taking (or a combo of the two) is another rant for another time. Also probably I needed to differentiate between ‘queer’ and ‘LGBT’ spaces better, because not all LGBT people ID as queer, and queer often implies a political stance that may not be present in LGBT spaces. Please…[Read more]

    • As a super straight looking lesbian, I partially blame this kind of exclusionary mentality at bars for why it was SO hard for me to come out. Shit, I even have a super liberal and supportive family, but I just felt SO rejected by the lesbian community, I ended up stuffing my feelings deep down inside. When I was younger and finally started…[Read more]

    • So many good thoughts and conversations in these comments!
      My gripe is small and semantic, but it bugged me:
      ” femme straight women could use a break from harassment, intimidation and unwanted sexual attention as well”
      Nope. No. Femme straight women do not exist. Feminine straight women? Absolutely exist and are due a break from sexual…[Read more]

      • Hey just wanted to agree with Kay, and the semantic slip she picked up. And I just wanted to add that I think queer language is important because it’s a trigger point for identity. When the ubiquitous “I’m gay” is used, the word lesbian vanishes from language and from our social fabric. I feel that people can self-identify with any word, but if…[Read more]

        • Interestingly enough it wasn’t that long ago that I was reading a discussion on ths subject on a Hungarian-language lgbt forum regarding some women referring to themselves as “meleg” (which historically refers only to gay men) as opposed to “lezbikus”, and the opinion of a fair few others that this is somewhat inappropriate. Interesting (to me)…[Read more]

    • There’s a lot of reasons straight people and/or men should be allowed into lesbian bars, most of which were listed here. I think the most important is that bi/pan people may have straight and/or male partners. Excluding them is excluding us. We are part of the LGBTQIA community and we need access to safe spaces regardless of who we are dating at…[Read more]

      • I don’t think that was the idea of the article. I didn’t interpret this as a “who should we let in” thing and more like “i wish these people could figure out for themselves that their behavior is inappropriate” or “I really don’t like it when ______ people do_______”

    • Taylor replied 1 week ago

      I’m not entirely against straight people in gay bars… but lately some of the straight women in my friend group have been complaining about straight men going to the one gay bar in town- because it violates that safe space to just dance and have a good time without worrying about creepy guys. But don’t seem to see how they’re attendance violates…[Read more]

    • This has already been stated above but that post was ignored so I’d just like to restate it.
      Unlike the first above commenter, who is agender, I’m genderfluid but I believe I have a similar point to this person (I don’t know this person’s preferred pronouns so I’lol avoid them altogether, if that’s okay).
      I’m AFAB and identify as gynesexual,…[Read more]

    • I can not even read 24 without a valley girl accent. I am ashamed to say I tried; repeatedly.

    • Where’s my male tears mug

    • That picture is perfection

    • “The place smelled like onions.”

      Literally the best review ever.

    • “I am uncomfortable when things are not about me.” –straight people

    • short bouncer, you’re doing it right.

    • #22 – what??

    • The “smelled like onions” comment is at least somewhat constructive.

    • I wish people would use the word equity in place of equality more :/

      • Interesting, but not sure what you mean by “equity” in this context. Could please elaborate?

        • Sorry…”could you please elaborate?”

        • Equality means that the same rules should apply to everyone regardless of circumstance while equity means that if a certain group has additional obstacles not faced by another group, extra measures can be made to help them overcome those obstacles. Equity acknowledges that not everyone is on the same playing field. For example, a wealthy student…[Read more]

          • That all sound about right in terms of what I thought the first commenter was going for.

            This was a very written illustration. Thank you.

          • Exactly what I meant! Thanks for stepping in, Abby.

    • What is a “fake purse?” Is it just a piece of fabric in the shape of a purse that doesn’t actually hold anything? Is this one of those femme secrets I’m not privy to?!

      • Yeah! Fake purses! They’re just decorative, if you’ve ever seen a barbie purse it’s the same. The zipper is decorative, not functionnal, and the pockets are just glued on pieces of fabric.

        Oh and do you know about the fake bras? They’re just sticky stickers you stick on your tatas to hide the nipples, in case of wardrobe malfunction. Janet…[Read more]

      • While it’s a petty comment, I’m pretty sure she means knock off designer bag, not “fake”. She obvs doesn’t know much about fashion either to be talking so much shit.. Lol

      • Fake purses are knock-offs (read: reasonably priced) and only elitest lolitas and trust fund babies care about that shit.

      • I assume the commenter meant it was a knock off of a designer purse. I can’t think of what else it could mean.

        • Aaaaand I still have not learned to refresh the page before commenting and answering a question that’s already been answered.

      • i am crying with mirth at this whole thread

    • “dangling unit”

      “dong pirate”

      #ok

    • Ahhh mullet or layered fringe. Oh, the perils of the fashion forward straight girl. Love the detail of the ‘fake purse’ to go with it.

      16 has to be the worst – regardless of being in a lesbian bar, people who think they are owed other peoples’ time and conversation infuriate me.

    • #22 is amazing

    • Hey sometimes you get so used to the onion smell, that you don’t even notice the onion. Thanks, person!

    • 25 is actually the closest to a ringing endorsement on this list.

    • I set high expectations for my first trip to the aquarium. I was ready to see sharks tearing apart schools of fish, sharks fighting man-o-wars, sharks fighting sharks, an employee in a scuba suit narrowly escaping death, etc. But when I got there it was just sharks gliding around like goldfish in a bowl. Long story short, I feel you #7

    • Where is #25? Sounds like a my perfect venue!

    • “MISANDRY! MISANDRY EVERYWHERE!”

      – authors of these posts, probably

    • These bars sound great, actually.

    • 8. Gee, you think?
      19. Is that good or bad?

    • I hope Nicole and her family were on the scene to pickpocket these whiners.

    • #10

      god bless the door dykes

      guarding onion-scented strongholds

      “rude” AND “sour”

      scowl on, scowl on

    • I would love to go to these bars! I don’t mind making straight people uncomfortable

    • This may be too obvious but my definite favorite was “Guys definitely beware, they have absolutely no interest in having you there and definitely will make you feel unwelcome at any and every point. ” WHAT? Lesbians aren’t interested in having sex with men? This is totally inconsistent with what I learned from porn.
      However, i do prefer this…[Read more]

    • “male-o-phobic”

      “male-o’s” sounds like the a shittiest cereal this cide of a dry bowl of grape nuts

    • I should go to lesbian bars more often. I feel like I’m missing out

      • whaddya say we all get together and open a kickass lesbian bar in LA… with gorgeous bartenders and free pizza? oh, and big beautiful bouncers…

    • We understand each other when we see male tears.

    • Hilarious! I went to my first ever lesbian bar last week – the Wildrose in Seattle. There were several men there which I really didn’t get — my girlfriend and I were speculating that maybe they were there because the night’s special was cheap fireball shots. Although later, I thought about the fact that I’ve been to gay bars with gay male friends…[Read more]

      • I used to go to the Wildrose a lot when I first moved to Seattle and think of it fondly (though it’s truly lackluster in every way), and recently went in with my now-ex after years away. We noticed that every guy walking by was trying to peer inside—with lots of elbowing each other and neck craning—and a LOT of straight guys came in and the…[Read more]

    • #9:

    • #13 needs to refer to #1 – it’s not your head that the swooping monsters want to cut off, IT’S YOUR PENIS

    • All I heard “waaaahhhh!!!”

    • Really not into this. It seems funny until you realize we’re egging on the culture that’s the reason so many non-cis-lesbian queer women I know don’t consider themselves welcome at lesbian bars.

      • Gosh, I hope not! I think most of us appreciate the distinction between a cis man and a trans woman/trans feminine person. Or at least I hope so!

      • (although yeah obviously the “TAKE YOUR DICK AND LEAVE” comments aren’t ok)

      • Dina, I’ve never been to a lesbian bar where anyone wanted to talk to me. It’s a very real feeling of unwelcomeness. :(

        • I’ve never been to a lesbian bar where anyone wanted to talk to me. I’ve been to lesbian bars where no one would talk to me but the bartender and only when I placed my orders (hi Lexington!)

          • This! Wtf, this is my gf’s favorite dress, do I look straight or ugly or what? I was so uncomfortable there I finally pulled out a book about cod. We had a good time at the Lex, that book and I. Next time I’ll bring my “gay” gf.

        • That is so shitty. :( By “most of us” I meant here at Autostraddle. I’m sad but not surprised to hear the rest of the world is terrible.

      • I think the only applicable concern here is the fact that trans women feel unwelcome in these spaces. That is a HUGE issue and I absolutely agree that it needs to be addressed. As far as my fellow non-lesbians are concerned, however, I have zero sympathy. I’m pretty sexually fluid, but if I go to a lesbian bar it’s because I want to meet or spend…[Read more]

        • (But when I say “queer women” in my above comment I am DEFINITELY INCLUDING TRANS WOMEN/TRANSFEMININE PEOPLE WHO WISH TO OCCUPY SPACE IN THIS COMMUNITY! I want to be SUPER CLEAR about that!)

        • Not all queer women are lesbians, and I’m really sick of being lumped in with “entitled straight people” when I complain about not being included in a space for queer women. If you mean lesbian, say lesbian. Plus, femme lesbians are collateral damage when you police who appears to be “queer enough” to be in a space. Men and straight people…[Read more]

          • 1. I’m not a lesbian, either, to which I’ve already alluded.
            2. “Queer-enough” policing in queer spaces is indeed a huge problem, but
            3. the only comments I see in this list that could be clearly and definitively attributed to straight women (rather than to men) have to do with feeling unwelcome entering the space with a male partner/companion,…[Read more]

        • I met some very nice femme lesbians at my first pride march and they told me the reason they were all dolled up and had their femme feminists banner was because they were tired of being told they weren’t really lesbians for “looking straight”. One of them had even got beaten up in a lesbian bar bathroom because another woman there assumed she was…[Read more]

          • I posted this in response to the person above, as well, but–

            “Queer-enough” policing in queer spaces is indeed a huge problem, but the only comments I see in this list that can be clearly and definitively attributed to straight women (rather than to men) have to do with feeling unwelcome entering the space with a male partner/companion, and I…[Read more]

            • I am not sure I understand why you get to decide who is queer enough.

              Why am I questioning your ability to speak for all queer folk? Well…lets look at #4.

              How is defending the hateful writing in the men’s room ok? Whether it is a young trans girl who feels scared of using the girl’s room or a trans masculine person who feels they are part…[Read more]

      • The only lesbian bar I ever spent a lot of time at was the old Meow Mix in downtown Manhattan. People were always friendly — even though I didn’t “pass” so well back then — but on the other hand I was always there with my then-partner, so nobody had to worry that icky trans woman might actually be interested in any of them, eww!

      • I have to agree with you Ten. This post and the majority of the responses are why I have never walked into a lesbian bar.

        Yes, a lot of the yelp comments are horrendous examples of straight and/or male privilege…but the article and the comments here on autostraddle are hurtful towards bi girls, trans girls and trans masculine folks.

      • ^same, Ten. The “ok, but [bi/pan/demi/femme…] means you’re not *that* gay” comments are getting really old. I’m not straight enough for my relatives, and not gay enough for the LGBTQIAA community. I’m lucky that the hostility hasn’t escalated to physical violence (yet), but it’s definitely there, and it’s definitely real.

    • #YesAllStraightPeopleCanMakeOutWhereverTheFuckTheyWant-SoDon’tDoItAtOurLesbianQueerLadyBar.

    • That’s what the monsters in the bathroom are paid to do.

      Then again, if you still believe that monsters inhabit bathrooms, closets, etc., perhaps there is a deeper issue?

    • “Well, after building this place up in my mind for years and begging countless females to let me tag along, last Friday I finally got to experience [bar]. It was so anti-climatic to realize it is just a neighborhood bar that happens to be very woman-identified.”

      This person literally thought he was going to be walking into a lesbian orgy,…[Read more]

    • Obviously the lesbian bars aren’t paying yelp to remove their bad reviews. But alas, if they had the money to do that, they’d probably still be open.

      If I’d read this earlier in my procrastination tonight, I would create a listing for THE PLANET and write reviews from all of the characters.

      It’s odd that none of these reviewers are…[Read more]

      • not that i want to support your procrastination or anything, but i’d really, REALLY, like to see the planet reviews happen. best idea ever.

        also, i’m slightly disappointed about the fact that other peoples procrastination results in amazing ideas while i’m currently just eating cookies and re-watching old episodes of the gilmore girls. but…[Read more]

      • I support the reviews from The Planet from all the characters

    • #21: accidentally depressingly accurate.

      (it is a cissexism joke)

    • Ah yes, Lesbian Facial Hair Envy. Almost as widespread in our community as Fell in Love with Straight BFF syndrome. In fact, I hear they are going to address this issue on the next episode of Faking It. SPOILER ALERT: Amy tries to grow a goatee.

      I want to go to 18 and 19 please.

    • RE: #13, was anyone else picturing the Transfer in SF? Easily a contender for Filthiest Bar Ever. (Though when I went there, the population skewed gay dudes/neighborhood welcome).

      • Google search brought up the review as a closed down restaurant/bar in Philly.

    • Is it bad that I laughed really hard at 24? You’re in a lesbian bar for crying out loud. One of those situations where I would’ve leaned over to the person next to me and said, “Ugh, straight people.”

    • Re. #12 – which bar was this? I’d like to go there.

      • I doubt you do since in a small town in Utah(google is your friend here). It was written by a gay male.

    • Also just seen the featured image for this post.
      HAHA! Love it.

    • I’ve read this list like 6 times and I just read it again and I’m crying because I was laughing so hard?
      A+ 10/10 will definitely read again

    • I’m really disappointed that you included 21 without at least some critical commentary. As this is meant to be a humour article it would be have been better to leave it out completely as trans women shouldn’t have to put up with cisexism intruding in articles that are meant to be about the humour in the failure of men and straight people to…[Read more]

      • I dunno… none of the other comments have critical commentary? Might seem a bit out of place?

        • None of the other comments are transphobic comments from the lesbian bars intended user group.

          • Replying here because I can’t see Riese’s response on page but got the email version. I think I misread something (its a brain fog day) and thought that some of them were assholic reviews rather than by people who’ve no business being in a lesbian bar. I still feel like the transphobic ones should have been left out and the article should have had…[Read more]

        • There’s a note about #23. I think notes about other reviews could be included without being out of place.

    • I personally don’t feel bad when I make straight people uncomfortable or treat treat them like crap when they’re at lesbian/queer bars. They could go to so many other bars than mine

      • I generally feel bad when I treat people like crap, you have no idea why those people are there. They could be trying to support a friend, they could still be closeted and tentatively trying to figure the culture out, they could have just seen it was a bar and wandered in. There are tons of reasons a straight person could end up in a lesbian bar…[Read more]

    • *Gillian Anderson voice* “No. I don’t feel sorry for men”

    • I’m not feeling the humour here. While I’m definetly all for queer safe space, I’m getting really sick of cis-sexist queers.

      • Thank you for speaking up. I probably would have wandered away from autostraddle for good if I didn’t see that other people also found this humor hurtful.

    • Hi I just wanted to re-emphasize that every review excerpted on this list was written by a straight woman or a man. The list of excerpts from 1-star Yelp reviews of lesbian bars by actual queer women is here.

    • Number 18 reminds me of the controversy around a local queer/hipster bar and the surrounding neighborhood. It brought up a lot of issues about gentrification and classism/racism. tl;dr, I was against the bar, and i was happy when it was forced to change locations.

      I mean, it’s one thing to make fun of boys/straights for entering a space that’s…[Read more]

    • “When it was clearly a layered fringe.” Coffee just came out of my nose. Not because that’s ridiculous, but because who even wears a layered fringe anymore? What is this the early thousands?

    • Really uncomfortable with people assuming someone with short hair and stubble is a guy (as in the instagram pic), as someone part of a queer couple that some cis lesbians might mistake for a straight couple. That person could be my girlfriend a year ago.

  • ThumbnailIt’s Cyber Monday, when retailers go for the agoraphobic dollar and we relish the opportunity to shop in our underpants. Cyber Monday Deals for the whole chosen family! In this post we’ll give you the scoop on […]

    • I have a J.A. Henckels chef’s knife and I love it so much, one vote here for J.A. Henckels knife set

      • that’s reassuring, I just went and bought the set and was like “I bought you knives, gf! You said you wanted knives! I win at Christmas!” and she was like,”I don’t remember that?” but I am hoping it will come and she will be like “Look at the pretty, buy your mom that teapot she was talking about, this is for me.”

        We’ll see I guess.

    • Which one kicks back 20%?

      Thanks!

    • so eli is getting a barkbox is what you’re saying

    • Wait, I thought we were boycotting Toms for being homophobes. Are they not? Am I wrong?

      • I didn’t know about that. I did hear something on NPR a while back about how they are supposed to be giving shoes to kids because you can’t go to school if you don’t have shoes. But, they distribute the shoes almost exclusively in Christian schools to kids who already have shoes or they wouldn’t be in the school to get the shoes in the first…[Read more]

      • http://jezebel.com/5819435/why-is-toms-partnering-with-an-anti-gay-anti-choice-group

        That is the link to the story on Toms partnering up with Focus on the (heterosexual) Family.

        Toms gives shoes to lots of non-christian schools too- I’ve worked in a few low income areas where Toms shoes are delivered by the subaru-load. HOWEVER, they are…[Read more]

      • I don’t really boycott anything or do consumer boycotts in general? except wal-mart

    • I really just want an entire outfit in galaxy print.

    • I actually am friends with the Panda Model. Her name is Hannah and she works at ThinkGeek in HR. She’s super nice, has an adorable tiny dog, and is straight. But she was one of the first people I didn’t know well that I told I was trans, and she was super supportive and helpful all the way through. :)

  • HELLO and welcome to the 155th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

    • Just started reading “I will only bleed here” and I’m already floored by the first paragraph.

      “I’d blind her [justice] if I could.”

      I have no words. Since I was 14 years old and my best friend told me about her sexual assault, I’ve wanted to be a sex crimes prosecutor. Over the years, as I studied criminal justice and the prison industrial…[Read more]

    • Riese I want to give you so much money; I have these fantasies that I win the lottery and I have to sit my partner down and be like ‘Okay so after we pay off my student loans and buy a new car and get my mom a beautiful house with a wraparound porch and set up a portfolio or whatever rich people do to make more money off their money, we need to…[Read more]

      • I buy a lottery ticket once every few months, and my rich person fantasy is very similar to yours.

        No car, though. I hate cars. But I do love weird, queer indie media.

    • Just quietly sobbed while reading “I Will Only Bleed Here.”

      Also, as a creative writing major (undergrad) turned activist/organizer, the Poetry Foundation piece hit me in my gut. I’m genuinely grateful I didn’t get into any of the highly competitive MFA poetry programs I applied to. When I’m at the poetry open mic night and I have nothing to…[Read more]

    • these are all so good! “I Will Only Bleed Here” was fantastic and obviously the Baldwin piece is life-changing.

      also i met jaswinder bolina once! he is a nice person and i like his poetry!

  • ThumbnailWelcome to the tenth recap of the second season of Faking It, a high-stakes war story from the same network that brought you The Ashlee Simpson Show.

    We open in the cool, calm living room of Chez Fawcett, […]

    • I have no queers in my house and also very little alcohol and yet here I am. Opposites really do attract.

      (I kid, I kid)

      But bajeezus this episode was exciting. All that dream sex and dream hate and super quick fight-solving skills. They’ve really been working on this conflict resolution stuff.
      But not how to explain themselves? “I wanted…[Read more]

    • the serial screen cap made my day. congrats on the pop culture relevance.

    • 1. RIESE – AWESOME RECAP AS ALWAYS!!
      2. Riese you were right about Theo being an undercover cop – I mean, I never doubted you but I was like “Riese was right!!”
      3. Totally agree that the We Wanted To Hurt You thing does not make sense at all. At All. And Karma forgiving Amy that fast? I mean IDK how long it should be for it to be valid but I…[Read more]

    • Ah Amy and Lauren fanfic. Or as I like to say, Amen fanfic

    • Really, I’m the only one who gets the I wanted to hurt you thing? Like that’s been obvious to me since it first happened. And yeah technically Karma and Liam weren’t together, but Amy knew how Karma felt about Liam and slept with anyway/deliberately because of that.

      • They even set it up in season 1 that Amy lashes out at people without thinking when they hurt her. This time Karma wasn’t there to talk her down like she usually is, so, Amy did the one thing (person) she knew would hurt Karma the most.

    • I too thought that the last sequence was confusing, but from what I gathered on Tumblr (and it has been confirmed by the writers) both the Karmy kiss and the Amy and Liam scene were a Karma’s dream. They could have made it clearer since the important part is, I think, that Karma is dreaming of kissing Amy, while that she’s has trust issues about…[Read more]

      • Totally agree about Shane. I actually liked him in season 1 but he is fast becoming one of my most hated characters because he keeps outing people. The writers seriously need to show the consequences of him doing that because it’s not ok.

        And Carmilla, SO MANY FEELINGS. I’m refusing to believe that it’s real and I think the writers and Natasha…[Read more]

        • I know, right?! It can’t be real.

          • I am guessing/hoping that this Duke/Shane situation is not going to end well because of the outing. I think that when Duke discovers (and he will) that Shane was the one who outed him, he’s going to cut things off with him, and then Shane will have only himself to blame. I, too, want Shane to feel some consequences for the way he keeps doing this.

      • I don’t think the important part of the dream is that Karma was dreaming of kissing Amy – I think what was happening was Karma was dreaming about Amy dreaming about herself kissing Karma while actually kissing Reagan. So it plays into what we’ve already seen from Karma before – it’s not that she’s attracted to Amy, but she does get jealous when…[Read more]

    • I got one question: How come this show won’t go through one finale without Amy and Liam sucking face thus making me toss my dinner? ONE GODDAMN FINALE!

    • I had given up hope that I would get to read this recap before Thanksgiving, but I should have had faith. Riese, you are awesome and made my day.

    • I highly doubt everything is as resolved as it seems. I think they’re lulling us into a false sense of security. Unless they really weren’t planning for this show to take off and they’re wrapping things up so that they can start over with a longer term plan/vision.

      My guess is, if that’s not the case, is that:

      1. Karma’s dream will pretty…[Read more]

    • Something occurred to me as I was reading this recap. Karma hates Amy and Liam for betraying her. I mean HATE hates. Amy, her best friend for forever, has work, and beg, and plead, to get back into Karma’s life. Not good graces, she still has to work harder for that. All Liam has to do is do a man-favor and (BOOM!) Karma willing to make the beast…[Read more]

      • A. I think Liam was right in that Amy is first for Karma, so by that logic it hurts more because Amy is the one she trusts more and loves more. Liam’s a boyfriend and she’s inside she might believe that relationship would end at some point anyway. Where her and Amy she truly believed would be BFFs forever.

        B. I don’t think she forgave Liam. I…[Read more]

      • Also Liam did beg and plead pretty hard. It’s Amy who hasn’t done that yet. She spent most of the previous episode going along with the “Liam made me do it” narrative Karma wanted to hear.

        Not that I think Amy or Liam need to beg or plead.

    • Anyone else really not a fan of Regan?… I mean yay for lezzy times buuuuut…

      • YES! I thought I was the only one! The actress just feels really stiff and lifeless to me but everyone seems to swoon over her :(

    • Riese, I think your advice has been turned into one of this year’s biggest pop hits… you should ask for royalties!

    • ” Shane, stunned, immediately flees Young Love Artspace probably to go have buttsex with his robust boyfriend and he’s so propelled by this situation that he doesn’t acknowledge Karma, who’s entering the Soulart Sauna as he departs.”

      The writing in these always kills me I don’t even watch the show this is more than enough :’D

    • So glad it’s been confirmed that the dreams were all Karma’s, not Amy’s. It would be such bullshit to have Amy wanting Karma when she has Reagan.

    • Riese, I share your obsession with background extras. I love watching out for overacting screaming extras in action movie scenes.

      • Hahaha, me too – I always do this impression of them going “Loooook Grandma, it’s me! It’s me as Horrified Man 3!” and then do a weird old woman voice replying wearily “Yes dear”. Okay…so maybe I need more hobbies :p

    • Karma is SO not worth going to gaol or getting a criminal record!

    • Ok I was so wrong and everything makes so much more sense if the whole last bit was karma’s dream

    • 1. i am just really impressed that you posted this with 10+ people in your house
      2. can we all please just refer to karma’s dream as a “jealousy sandwich?”
      3. my housemate and i definitely spent thanksgiving dinner performing a puppet show with common household objects acting out the plot of faking it for our guests, so. liam was a walnut. shane…[Read more]

    • I’m curious how the show is going to deal with the non disclosure agreement that Shane signed. Also I really hope the show continues it’s theme of quickly resolved conflicts with Amy and Reagan. I just want Amy to tell her about the Liam thing and for Reagan to be cool with it.

    • I kinda hated this episode? The timing of white-girl-punching-a-cop with no repercussions really soured the whole episode for me. Duke saying he was in love with Shane was such bullshit, and Shane once again being vindicated for outing someone was bullshit.

      Amy’s speech in jail was good, and I loved seeing Julie, though. Very glad to hear the…[Read more]

    • Anyone else catch the nod to GBF when Wendy says everyone wants to be Shane’s best friend?

  • ThumbnailYou probably have a lot of traveling to do for the holidays, and you probably have a lot weighing heavy on your mind after Monday’s decision in Ferguson, and so I’ve made a reading list. I read a lot of longform […]

    • This is so, so important, and those images are chilling. Thank you, Riese.

      I’m going to try to make it a point to set aside time this weekend and read through these.

    • Thank you for doing this Riese.

    • This is exactly the type of reading I wanted for my long weekend and I still need to process my Monday feelings. Thanks Riese!

    • yes, thank you riese.
      i’ve been digging through what i’ve already saved to instapaper, trusting there were more things in there to help me figure this out. this list is exactly what i was looking for. the things i’ve read on this list stick with me, and i am eager to plow through the rest.

    • Thank you. I’m forwarding this to everybody.

    • Thank You.

    • I wish I wasn’t at work so I wouldn’t have to hide my tears at reading these.

    • This is exactly the resource I need right now. Much more effective that fuming silently and smash-typing passive-aggressive FB status updates. Thank you for putting this list together.

    • Finally getting to this and I’m so glad. I want to send this to every uninformed person who has asked me why #Ferguson matters.

  • ThumbnailWE’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING! Now it’s here, it’s right here in our hands and it’s in the Autostraddle Store for your hearts so now it’s real, it’s a real thing that’s happening and you […]

    • oh wow oh wow oh wow I am so excited to hold your words, pics and triumphant Shane collage in my actual hands.

    • I want to buy a million copies of this and give it to all newbies as a welcome to the family gift.

    • I can’t wait to own this and have it on display in my room after I read it probably 15 times.

      Also, just clicked the link to the store and there are so many new fancy things in there – HELLO holiday shopping :)

      Yay!!!

    • You had me at “really triumphant Shane collage.”

    • YES. Yes yes yes.
      Yes.

    • That was maybe the quickest I ever jumped to buy something?
      ALSO those black hot shorts.

    • stoked!

    • Well, you`ve got me instantly, happy Christmas to me. :-)

    • I need this, I love this, I’m so happy this exists. AND it’s SO beautiful. I want to caress those drop-caps. That Q! Those small caps!

    • As possibly the 2nd, 3rd or 15th person to read this who wasn’t involved in the actual writing of it, it’s amazing. you will not be disappointed.

    • This is worth buying a bookstand and displaying in my room. Then I will bring it to camp and ask everyone to sign it.

    • holy holy holy fuck

    • This is such a necessary and beautiful zine! Is there a way that we can purchase these in bulk so I can hide one in every Francesca Lia Block book in America? (or whatever middle school girls secretly read in libraries these days)

      Anyway, I’ll take a million.

      • YES

        I seriously debated about buying one for our school library. Riese/contributors, could you please comment about whether it would be suitable?

        • Ellaria, there are mentions of sex and one sketch of boobs floating around. That being said, I think it’s an appropriate read for middle and high school students, especially as personal gifts. But, you know, parents can be crazy about accepting that youth are sexual beings and needs resources, so I would just think about where you live and whether…[Read more]

    • This looks excellent. I assume this will be replacing the toaster as our go-to welcome gift for newly out gays?

    • I can’t decide if I want to buy this for myself or buy it for my sister and then force her to lend it to me if no one else gets it for me. Either way, I need to have it in my hands.

    • OMG I JUST BOUGHT ONE

  • ThumbnailLetter From Your Editors
    Hello!

    It is the season of thanks and guess what we’re thankful for: YOU. Also, a few other things, as pictured:

    The holidays are busy and intense around here: we’re making […]

    • I think Heather’s third hand is my favorite thing about this issue.

      Wait second favorite, because Club Drizzy, because Carmen with a pizza. Obv.

    • How did I miss Bearnicorn having personalized Bearnicorn underwear??

      • How did you? I’m very thankful this picture surfaced in a safe space.

        • I mean, I suppose it’s pretty normal news that I haven’t seen folks’ underwear, but that was awesome underwear. When me and Susiroo go to may camp, we’re requesting you, so we don’t miss out on important events like this(even if you can’t make it, we’re making a statement)

          • I made that underwear at camp 4.0! I love that this photo is followed by the discussion of the “what undies have your name written all over them” quiz item.
            I hope Bearfriend and I can come to camp! (Related: Nobody show her this picture ever, please.)

    • Fikri replied 1 month ago

      WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT EMOJI, YAO XIAO

      I’M GONNA BRING IT BACK BECAUSE

      WHAT

      I’d recommend someone photoshop a tiny scissoring sweatshirt onto it but that might be taking it a little too far.

    • New goal: Drop Autostraddle Team sweet little nothing notes.

    • Riese replied 1 month ago

      gushers are really great

    • I kind of love that the absurd crap I spout on Slack occasionally ends up in being read. Also, honored that my essay about trans people being dehumanized by the media made the “we can’t believe you didn’t read this” list!

    • C.P. replied 1 month ago

      Heather, don’t give up hope on inching closer to Samira Wiley! An Autostraddle interview with Samira is second on my “Autostraddle Most Wanted List”- right after you working here. And we all see how that worked out!

      Dreams come true, when you believe!

      (Yall I believe, deep in my heart, that Samira reads Autostraddle. At least…[Read more]

      • In my head there’s at least 7 famous people on Autostraddle with A+ memberships but because they are professionals, The Team is sworn to secrecy.

      • I feel like you can tell if a queer girl reads Autostraddle. Like, one of my co-workers (who I knew was queer) just gave me that vibe so I brought up AS in conversation once and I was right. It’s like next level gaydar.

        Point being, I think Samira Wiley has read AS.

    • “Interview with my Not-Ex-Girlfriend” please

    • Mary replied 1 month ago

      I love everything about this post (well, everything except for Heather getting punched…).

      Also I hope y’all called the phone number from that email and helped out the nice lady with her need to “buy toy sex”

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        wait is that a real phone number what country is she in

        • GoS replied 1 month ago

          Some South African cell phone numbers look like that

    • Nothing I said made it into the Insider this month and I feel like I have FAILED YOU ALL. Gonna go practice my offbeat jokes now.

    • I want need club drizzy to be a real thing so that I can go there to drink wine and eat pizza and make “all these ghosts and you still couldn’t be my boo” jokes.

      Next week I photoshop the entry id card, which will be our profiles looking dope in front of the bluest clouds.

    • Jo replied 1 month ago

      Okay, that sweatshirt just made my day. It is the best thing ever. I can’t stop talking about it. Well, it’s only been a minute since I knew it was a thing, but I haven’t stopped talking about it yet. See scissoring sweatshirt inspired conversation below. Or don’t. It’s really long. I’ll sum it up for you in one word, YAY!

      Me: it’s going to be…[Read more]

      • so are we going to get a picture of the scissoring sweatshirt with the black leggings or what #holigaycheer

      • AUTOSTRADDLE and CRAFTING. TEACHING YOU HOW TO SCISSOR SINCE…?

        I really need to see pictures of your Mom & You wearing matching jumpers #AutostraddleMoms

      • this is my favorite play ever
        better than Our Town!

    • JP replied 1 month ago

      That scissoring sweatshirt will go great with my alternative lifestyle haircut. Aka want. Yes. So buying.

    • AHHH AHHH so much good stuff I don’t even know what my favorite part was I just found myself frequently rocking back and forth snapping because it’s all relatable and humorous I love it. Also I am glad you appreciated the manatees.

    • Also I took that cliché lesbian quiz and I got The Stud which is the most hilarious thing

    • The Insider is maybe the best part about A+. I love them all.

    • lomy replied 1 month ago

      I really want to know what preferring riese’s butt means algorithmically speaking…

      also,heather? I can’t believe you got punched!!! that is terrible and I can’t get over that story and I hope you are feeling better and I hope that racist asshole had to pay for all of your pain meds and milkshakes and alcohol and also everything else you may…[Read more]

    • monae replied 1 month ago

      OMFG that scissoring shirt. Can’t wait to throw some money at it.

    • I don’t even use emoji really (my phone is super old and low-tech), so I am frequently confused by them. None of them confuse me more than the one featured in this article…

    • I’m honestly kinda hoping that Samira Wiley has a secret/anonymous Autostraddle account and that she’ll just drop in on us one day like the second coming of Lesbian Jesus.

    • The lab I work in uses Slack and my labmate went through and made like 7 custom emojis of different My Little Ponies. You guys are way cooler, I should quit grad school and work for lesbian media instead.

    • $7/month for a 40-member team is $280/month.

      Hmmmm…. ;)

    • The Insider is definitely my favorite part of A+. Like if this was all I got (and tbh it’s often the only post I have time to read) I’d feel like I got my money’s worth.

    • if that scissoring sweatshirt doesn’t fix my current woeful femme invisibility i might just pack up and quit.

      in other words, i am super excited to wear it and make eyes at ALL the ladies.

    • Well, I’m glad we cleared up the question of what kind of hideous monster would punch the ever delightful Heather Hogan in her sunshiney face: a drunk racist monster. Jeez.

    • Rachel! What the heck is a Bota Box??

    • Rachel: give them to me then
      give me your tired, your hungry, your eggplant

      I don’t even like eggplant but iI need this immortalized on a tshirt.

  • HELLO and welcome to the 154th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more […]

  • ThumbnailWelcome to the ninth recap of the second season of Faking It, a show about zucchini and all the fun things you can do with zucchini! Faking It comes to you from the same network that brought you my favorite […]

    • “Seriously that alone would be a huge red flag for me — I wouldn’t go near that girl with a ten-foot pole if she reacted to arguments between us by breaking my trust and publicly humiliating me, even if I was the one who fucked up. I’d never trust her again, you know?”

      For once, I completely agree with you. Can I hope in 210 that after her…[Read more]

      • K.C. replied 1 month ago

        To be fair to Karma, at this point she’s convinced herself that Liam emotionally manipulated her best friend into sex, making him a half step above a rapist.

        • To be fair? How does one get to that point? She has absolutely no grounds for it and her own friend has confessed otherwise. I can’t imagine a world where every time I found out something unsavory about my partners sexual activity, I assumed it was assault!

          Also the proper response to thinking your friend might have been sexually assaulted is…[Read more]

          • Yeah, I totally agree. I can understand that Karma would want to rationalize it as “Amy must’ve been too drunk to say no!” but it’s pretty gross that she would project that onto Amy and then act like a terrible human being in response. Good thing Amy finally at the end decided to not let her best friend assume her (ex)boyfriend raped her because…[Read more]

            • Madge replied 1 month ago

              Yeah – the whole thing was a bit off. I remember the creators talking about how the characters are all good people who are just making mistakes, but pushing it into the rape space was ick.

              I think they just really wanted to show that Karma couldn’t even fathom that Amy would hurt her in that way, but where they had to take it to make that point…[Read more]

    • Madge replied 1 month ago

      Riese, that prediction sounds pretty good to me, especially about the unsatisfying Reagan content. I’d just add that I think something nasty might go down either between Shane and Lauren, or about Duke/Theo given they are both feeling slighted.

      Mainly though, I’m looking forward to Amy’s red plaid pants.

    • Bia replied 1 month ago

      I can’t wait till it comes out that Theo is a soldier who is part of a secret government anti-demon task force called The Initiative.

    • Riese, one thing you forgot that has to come up next episode, since it’s the last chance, is the “woah” “I know” moment. After Amy and Karma’s fight in jail are they going to make up and make out?

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        Do you think it will come up, though? Amy asked Karma about it in the Season One finale, I feel like that’s been laid to rest. Although Karma sure does love to hate Liam.

        • No, I meant the “woah” “I know” moment from the midseason trailer.

    • K.C. replied 1 month ago

      This episode is what we’ve all been waiting for, first Amy get’s some hot lesbian sex – presumably, sadly we only get to see the morning aftermath where they wake up almost fully clothed but filled with innuendo – then Karma reacts to the knowledge that her bestfriend and her boyfriend have bumped the uglies.

      Liam, Liam, Liam, I talk alot of…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        “)Sit there with a guilty face while she assumes the worst, text harass her, and then dramatically yell in front of multiple people that it’s not fair that she’s only mad at him because “We were both angry and trying to HURT YOU””

        YES! Plus, it’s not even true — if they were trying to hurt Karma, why did they decide not to tell Karma? That…[Read more]

      • Emily replied 1 month ago

        Omg, YES at Liam’s poor communication skills. I was reading your comment about options a) and b) and giggling. He seems like his heart might be in the right place (?), but he’s such a blockhead.

    • Can I just say that I died at the part where Amy said that Liam was “what, a werewolf?”. Never forget that Gregg Sulkin played Selena Gomez’s werewolf boyfriend on Wizards of Waverly Place. Way to throw that in there, Faking It writers.

      Also, TOTALLY agree with your predictions on Theo pulling a 21 Jump Street. Remember when Lauren walked up to…[Read more]

    • Lj replied 1 month ago

      I, too, have been thinking about what could Theo’s secret be. My worry with the possible 21 Jump Street thing tho is, does he have real feelings for Lauren? Because srsly I absolutely love Lauren now and will be sad if otherwise (I watched all of the episodes of the short-lived series called Bunheads because of her!) Amy + Reagan’s *the* morning…[Read more]

      • K.C. replied 1 month ago

        Bunheads was an amazing show gone too soon. I actually had the opposite experience where one of the reasons I started watching Faking It was because I loved Bailey Buntain (Lauren) as Ginny so much. The ending of bunheads on her face was criminal without any closure.

        • Lj replied 1 month ago

          I didn’t know Bunheads existed until I read Bailey’s wiki page haha and I’m so glad I watched it! Yep, amazing show gone too soon indeed! That and Emily Owens MD are just a few of the shows I absolutely love(d) but apparently the feeling is not mutual with the networks (boooo!)

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        I think he has genuine feelings for Lauren, definitely! I mean if he wanted to date someone just to find out who the drug dealer is, then he’d be dating Brandy, not Lauren… I think he’s been hesitant to invest with Lauren though ’cause he knows his secret will be revealed soon and she’ll feel wronged by it. (and thanks!!)

        • Lj replied 1 month ago

          That makes sense….Thanks, Riese! I believe you :-)

    • Azula replied 1 month ago

      Ugggh, Karma does not have the right to be as pissy as the show is letting her be. She emotionally fucked with Amy and Liam in the first place. What a surprise that they would seek solace in each other when they were both really upset by some dumb shit Karma did.

      I find this plot very contrived. Yeah, Amy and Liam wouldn’t want Karma to find…[Read more]

      • I agree so hard with this – was also SO angry that Karma was just fine with Amy and her switching, as though she expected it because she always comes first. Also, I think if you really loved your friend that much, if she fell in love with you, you’d give her some fucking space so she could get over you, not turn up and “waterboard her heart”.…[Read more]

    • Can we all take a moment to address the fact that Liam on the Time cover looks a lot like Eric Matthews from “Boy Meets World.” I’d like Liam a lot more if he started saying “Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-ny.”

    • I’m a little mad because of this “we did this to hurt Karma” plotline. When Amy and Liam got together I didn’t read it like that at all, for me they were two teenagers being like “fuck it” but not in a let’s hurt our best friend/ love interest kind of way.

      A little off-topic: I had to google Choco taco, and since I live in Tacoland now I feel…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        yeah, that feels like an idea that appeared for the first time in this episode and it didn’t make any sense. like it was so non-sensical that i just skipped over it in my brain and was like, ‘maybe liam is bad with words?’ b/c as i said upthread, if the point is to upset a person, then wouldn’t you want that person to know? it doesn’t make any sense!

      • Lj replied 1 month ago

        Yeah….for me it’s like “the world does not revolve around you, Karma” hehehe #kindaharsh #justmyhonestopinion

    • Beth replied 1 month ago

      lol times 1,000. Also I feel like Liam is a bit of a dick being so keen to take Amy down with him. I reckon an actively good person might be willing to take more of the blame and limit the damage from their shitty choices? Rather than going for total honesty and maximum shitstorm?

    • Can’t wait for Riese’s recap of episode 10. WHICH I JUST SAW!

  • My relationship with the dELiA*s catalog was far more intimate than my relationship with its products, which my mother deemed overpriced and impractical and therefore rarely permitted me to purchase. My friends […]

    • VA replied 1 month ago

      deLIa*s!

      Cue flashbacks to middle school. Did anyone else have the purple pajamas with white snowflakes on them? Or am I the only one?

      So many feels. Such nostalgia.

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        i WISH i had the purple pajamas with white snowflakes on them

      • VA replied 1 month ago

        I never thought I’d be nostalgic for MIDDLE SCHOOL, because -real talk- it was not an entirely positive experience.

    • Emily replied 1 month ago

      “Change a thing. Rock the boat.” That’s some great advice, clothing catalog, thanks! CHANGE A THING!

      (also having some serious flashbacks right now – I was all about cargo shorts/pants back then…sometimes still am–they’re just so functional!)

    • Stef replied 1 month ago

      this will surprise no one, but i owned that union jack tank top and often rebelliously wore it on the 4th of july.

    • Lea replied 1 month ago

      MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH I definitely had that issue of the Delia’s catalog. My favorite purchases in high school were my yakpak and platform boots, and a red and black plaid purse I just retired last year, after 15+ years of serving me well. Rest in peace, D. Rest in peace.

    • Frog replied 1 month ago

      “PMSing dyke on her way to the top” is going on my business card now.

    • Nina replied 1 month ago

      SMELL THIS! I LOVED those! I totally still have a tin kicking around somewhere with vanilla, iced tea, clean laundry, uh…a green one that was maybe apple?, and (my favourite) ice cream float. I was big on spritzy stuff in my tweens and early teens. Bottled Emotion by Bonne Bell, anyone? Can I get a “hell yeah”?

    • OMG. I wanted to be all of the girls from the dELiA’s catalogs when I was in middle school. My mom never bought me anything from them, but I thought they were the coolest, especially since that’s the first place pre-Internet me ever saw a Sailor Moon t-shirt for sale. I’m sure I paged through this exact catalog repeatedly, because the shirt on…[Read more]

    • Britt replied 1 month ago

      90% of my middle school wardrobe. I wore All the Delia’s. Lol

    • Dina replied 1 month ago

      Oh I definitely wanted many things from the dELiA*s catalogue when I was a teenager. I still want some of those things.

      The giant ass pants though… yussssssssssss

    • Jess replied 1 month ago

      1) Oh Christ I think I found my tomboy femme root. 12-year old me was terrified of the Delia’s catalog girls but now-me wants to date them all (AS 30-YEAR OLDS) (but maybe still wearing clothes that were both clingy and aggressive and sporty and irreverent).
      2) My sisters and I would draw the EXACT SAME COMMENTARY but with the tiny “more sizes”…[Read more]

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        delia’s had a really serious Sporty Spice aesthetic (re: tomboy femmeness)

    • Yo I cracked up so hard with that little graphic indicating where the excess fabric should be located… that said, I would rock those long-ass low-rises right meow.

    • I was *intimately* familiar with every page of this because if I had studied anything as hard as I studied these catalogs as a preteen, I would be living some kind of genius life right now instead of lazing around on the internet. I’m sure I never got to order anything, even, but the Delia’s catalog was the furnace in which all my young consumer…[Read more]

    • I used to be obsessed with this magazine, and of course was also never allowed to buy anything from it! My 3rd grade teacher’s daughter modeled for dELiA*s for a year or something, and I thought she was the coolest person in the entire world. Aaaaaaaand now I’m lost in the internet trying to see what she’s been up to since 1994.

    • JP replied 1 month ago

      Did anyone else get these in the mail without even signing up for them?

      • cb replied 1 month ago

        I thought that’s how they worked for everyone. that one day they just magically started arriving.

        • JP replied 1 month ago

          totally imagined owls dropping off these catalogs to teenage girls in the 90’s, all across America.

      • Riese replied 1 month ago

        I’d always suspected that they bought mailing lists from other teen-oriented companies and that I started getting delia*s catalogs because I subscribed to Seventeen magazine

        • JP replied 1 month ago

          Yeah, that makes sense and I thought of this as well, but I wasn’t subscribed to anything in my teens. So, hmmmm….

    • That catalog made me smile. “I think I’m a fucking garden!” And I would’ve loved those flower pants too!

      My clothing as a kid was comprised of 50% cheap thrift store stuff, 30% free tee-shirts from church events, and 20% expensive, high-quality outdoor gear. Sadly, I never really developed much of a sense of fashion. I remember the time I was…[Read more]

      • that is my current clothing collection if you replace church t-shirts with college t-shirts and add an interview suit and a conference’s worth of adult clothing in nice wool fabric.

        • My church-event t-shirts were later replaced with college-event shirts when I got older. :) The interview suit is very useful, and my lack of professional clothing induced panic when I had my first job interview out of college.

    • Most of my solid color long-sleeved tees are Delia’s brand to this day. I also have about four basic wool sweaters from Delia’s. All of these are in good condition still and I am not a laundry wizard. I am 27, and definitely haven’t bought anything from there since I was 14.

    • Board shorts tho…

    • Kelly replied 1 month ago

      Hold up. Do I spy a young January Jones waiting for her prince charming in a red and white gingham bucket hat?

    • Kelly replied 1 month ago

      Wait. AND Krysten Ritter??

  • Load More