✭ Special Announcement ✭


  • ThumbnailHello and welcome to this thing we’re doing where we help you figure out what you’re gonna put in your mouth this week. Some of these are recipes we’ve tried, some of these are recipes we’re looking forward to […]

    • I’ve been trying to come up with some clever rhyme based on grains and my name and shit but all I can keep thinking is PUT THE FOOD IN MY MOUTH I WANT TO EAT ALL THE THINGS

      • i spent a long time trying to make a pun on “grainin’ on that wood” in the title and couldn’t get it to work, so you’re welcome to “janin’ on that wood” if you want it

      • Don’t strain Jane trying to make some grain, that may give you a sprain or drive you(& Holly) insane. Just drive to Main, or Mane, and lay claim to clams and grains, or reign at the beach with some grain salad.

    • you had me at “taco-ish”

    • I was skeptical but I currently have 7 tabs with grain recipes open so thank you for showing me the light!

    • Suddenly praying that there is some quinoa in the back of my pantry that I’ve somehow completely missed seeing.

    • This was seriously inspirational! I can’t afford that much quinoa, but amaranth and millet mixed together make a pretty bangin’ substitute!! :D Thanks for this!

    • Toda muy bueno, pero it’s Monday and you mentioned sad beans in a can so I’m compelled to shill a guaranteed way to make beans smile and a 2 shakes of powdered garlic.

      (I’m sorry I could not resist and the Spanish is in gratitude for Spain being a better parent than France. Again, lo siento)

    • This reminded me to make stuffed squash, it had chicken sausage and quinoa and kale and goat cheese, my girlfriend thanks you.

    • The level of structural tactics used from the English language in the title of this article overwhelmed me so much that I can’t even read the rest of it yet.

      I assumed my first comment on an article would be a response to something that emotionally triggered me. Here it is, everyone. A well crafted pun at 3am.

  • ThumbnailThis is the first recap of the gay parts of the eleventh season of Grey’s Anatomy, aka Shonda Rhimes Night: Act One.

    Six full minutes. That’s how long I waited for Callie and Arizona to show up on screen. […]

    • This is transcendent.

    • Not gonna lie, I watched Grey’s as bonding time with my aunt(and that brandi carlile video they played every episode) and moved out waaaaaaaay before the gay parts. But. What happened to Callie’s eyebrows?? Did they ask for too much money and have to be recast?

      • Listen, Callie’s eyebrows deserved everything on their rider and a separate paycheck. I’m not surprised they walked.

    • Ok, I love Grey’s. Like, love love. And I WORSHIP Geena Davis. I’ve met her, I adore her, I think she’s done so much for women. But I thought How To Get Away With Murder super overshadowed Grey’s. One, because it was the shit. Two, because the presence of this new half-sister of Meredith’s (how many secret half-sisters showing up randomly can one…[Read more]

      • yo this whole “new sister” shit is so so old. how many sisters is Meredith going to have? I’m waiting for the Chief to be Mer’s real dad or something.
        I can’t believe they gave her another sister. I’m almost as annoyed about that as I was about Buffy all of a sudden having that annoying ass michelle trachtenberg as a magical last few seasons…[Read more]

        • Yeah, exactly! And like, wouldn’t she remember that her mom was pregnant? Exactly when did this “secret pregnancy” happen that Meredith doesn’t remember it happening and Ellis’s husband stuck with her when she was carrying a baby that clearly was not his? The timing confuses me.
          And just like with Lexi, Meredith has to fight with this one, too!…[Read more]

          • @yaykaas This is what I’ve put together so far from watching this week’s episode and having watched some of the past seasons over the summer (which have clues to the Ellis-Richard love child plotline because they’ve been planning since Season 4).

            The “secret pregnancy” happened when Meredith was five years old. Maggie’s birth happened on the…[Read more]

          • Thanks for the timeline Lauren.
            But if Meredith’s sister is 5years younger how come she seems to be higher up than Meredith in the carreer department?

          • @carmensandiego You’re very welcome, Carmen SD! :) And that isn’t even an extensive timeline because I still have to watch Seasons 1-3 (aka some of the ones that actually have Ellis in them) so I don’t fully understand things like the carousel scene (though I could piece things together with Grey’s Wikia page).

            Maggie is further ahead in her…[Read more]

          • I think, based on my recent rewatch of like the first 6 or so seasons, that Meredith didn’t go straight to med school and instead did some crazy travelling around Europe or something with that risky Australian Doctor Lady that showed up when Lexi was an intern and let her remove her appendix illegally.
            She was played by the actress who was Angel…[Read more]


        Now I don’t think that Lexie’s absence messes up or ruins the show in any major way, because it is an ensemble, and all of the other characters are so great, and I love them too. So it’s not like every episode I’m actively thinking about how she isn’t there, but…[Read more]

    • Well, props go to Carmen SanDiego for instigating this marvellous thing, and for somehow intuiting what it was that has been missing from my internetz.

      Fine work, Gabrielle. Very fine indeed.

      (Incidentally, I stopped watching this pile o’crap show years ago so have no idea about any of it anymore. I do however enjoy both Callie and…[Read more]

    • please tell me there will be a full season of Grey’s recaps because this was a wonderment.

      • yo give or take a hurricane, helicopter accident, a zombie virus, and/or a plague sent by shonda rhimes to thwart these efforts, we will be recapping the whole season and by we, i mean probz me for sure.

        • there are no word/gif combinations to express my delight. i look forward to reading all your recaps and again laughing so loud that i scare / annoy / bemuse my office mates. i hope you stay away from hurricopterzombieplagues is what i’m trying to say.

    • This is wonderful. Maybe now I can stop watching and just read you recaps, maybe. Thank you! Also I think Meredith’s new sister should be the third in Calzona’s relationship, maybe that’s why she’s here on the show now. It all makes sense.

    • I stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy a few years ago, after I starting working in an operating room and the medical hogwash and mumbo jumbo on the show started to irritate me. But let me say, I will read the shit out of these recaps because I can hear your voice in my head as I read and it makes me giggle and feel warm. Just sayin’.

      • you mean to tell me that someone can’t wipe DNA clean, insert the HIV virus into the empty DNA pouch, stick it inside a child, directly into their brain and their toes to cure them of multiple sclerosis diabetes vertigo color blindness? all of that is mumbo jumbo?

    • “Spliff Queen Arizona” I fuckin love you Autostraddle

    • My life is complete now that autostraddle has gay grey’s recaps. My wife will be super happy that she no longer has to listen to my complaining. She thanks you I’m sure.

    • This recap is perfect, please keep it up! I understand that everyone here is most interested in Calzona since this is a website for queer women (and they’re the reason I started watching Grey’s in the first place), so even though I also love the rest of the show, I would rather have a recap that is just about the gay parts with a more positive…[Read more]

    • Step aside other lesbian recapping websites, Sheriff Gabrielle has arrived.

    • Autostraddle Greys recaps. My life is now complete.
      But seriously, is no one gonna talk to the legal department about gurneys flying off of roof tops?
      And I really really hope that there is no baby

      • i feel like you’ve been gone forever. welcome back, dear friend.


      • Again, I can’t say thank you enough times for making this happen, Carmen SD and Gabby! These Calzona-centric recaps are glorious with all of the gorgeous pictures of one of my favorite queer female couples. :)

        I’m now leaning more towards no baby (for now, if they want one later in the future they should totally have one). Because first Calzona…[Read more]

        • that’s exactly how i feel too. i’m not anti-baby. but i don’t think babies should be brought into relationships that aren’t being well cultivated/cared for. i want to see Callie and Arizona fall in love with each other again, all the time.
          i want them to have hot sex in the on-call room and leave each other love notes and go on park dates with…[Read more]

          • Oh my gosh Gabby, this is EXACTLY what I want for Calzona! Thank you for reading my mind and putting all of my gloriously sapphic thoughts into words – no, even better, poetry (because after all Callie is named after the muse of epic poetry Calliope).

    • Out of all the things in your recap it’s “True Life: Gal Pals in Love” that makes me giggle snort.
      Calzona has a special place in my heart because for one it wasn’t the bisexual partner that cheated. And their smiles are just so beamy and cute, but seriously don’t get another baby y’all. House plant.

    • I blame this for me staying up until 4 fast forwarding to all the gay parts… This is something I actually did on a Friday night.

      • friday nights were made to do weird loner shit too tho

        • I totally agree. How else would I explain the glitter and glue all over my toilet.

          However, Grey’s Anatomy is on a whole other level that I’m not quite comfortable with.

    • Oh, one more thing. Meredith’s rando half-sister is a dumbass if she thinks fighting with/being kind of a dick to the owner of the hospital in which she’s working is a smart move. Like, c’mon, dude. Aren’t you supposed to be intelligent?

      • i think she was expecting them to have an instant connection. she had no idea that meredith is an ice queen/emotionally stunted/not interested in family ties. so half-sister came in hoping to find a bestie and got a beeotch instead.

    • Just realized I forgot to mention something important: Yang, I miss you! It’s not Seattle Grace Mercy West Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital without you…

      • I miss Cristina Yang too! No more Twisted Sisters (until her return for the series finale, but I’m not rushing for the forever end of Grey’s anytime soon). :(

        Still I think the show will end up being just fine without her after taking the first several episodes to adjust to her missing presence because the show has always been fine when all of…[Read more]

        • True, the show will be fine but she was such a gem, an ambitious, unapologetic, witty, competitive, sex-positive, brutally honest, female character. You don’t see those every day…
          But yeah, take your time coming back… Let’s not be done with Greys yet…

          • Yes, all of this is so true. Cristina was a real and complex female character. I love that she never apologized: for her ambition to excel, to be the absolute best she could be, to devote herself to her career, for not wanting kids even though she was expected to want them. And Sandra Oh was brilliant, a wonder to behold playing her. She made me…[Read more]

    • Anyone else feel like this is better than the episode itself? I’ve been super bored with calzona lately. I don’t like this angry whiny Callie and they took all the spunk out of Arizona, making her an annoying asshole.
      And what’s with Meredith in this episode? She gets what she wants and pouts at the end anyway.
      Still, no matter how much the…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailHello and welcome to the very first episode of Transparent, the new Amazon exclusive show that we’ve been talking about since February. It features a family with adult children whose parent comes out as a trans […]

    • Kathy replied 4 days ago

      This was beyond awful. Every wretched trans stereotype on display and, of course, the utterly unpassable and never going to pass transwoman.

      I especially like the Cheating Bisexual just in time for Bi Awareness week!

      I anxiously await NPR and HRC explaining how it’s the best thing since Normal and TransAmerica.

      • I didn’t watch it and don’t think I can bring myself to watch it, partly for the very reason that it plays into the tired stereotype (see “Normal”) of a cis man playing an older trans woman who is very much “visibly trans” and doesn’t blend in. (I hate the word “passing,” given its connotation of trying to be something you aren’t, so I don’t use…[Read more]

        • Also: I’m really, really hoping that the Tammy character doesn’t turn out to be a TERF. Which I suppose would be entirely possible in real life, but is definitely not something that anyone needs to see on television. Not to mention that it would also conform to a stereotype.

    • Talia replied 4 days ago

      I did enjoy this show’s pilot, for the most part, but I had a very hard time swallowing how they portrayed the family’s Jewish heritage and how that related to them being “spoiled, selfish, rich kids”. It feels very much like stereotyping and like a very negative portrayal. I will continue to watch the show, but this aspect of misrepresentation…[Read more]

    • I don’t think I will be watching the show, but this recap was wall to wall brilliant. I’ll definitely be reading every week. Also can I get a link to that husky cat video?

    • Rachel, my girlfriend Susi has a story about the time she bit every single child in her daycare group. It is my favorite story. You are not alone.

    • I’m not going to watch this episode because of bisexuality bashing, but your recap is brilliant and really funny!

    • I was actually pleasently surprised by the quality of the show, though after reading this review I’m questioning my own opinion. Obviously casting a cis male actor as a trans woman is a questionable choice, but given the age of the character and the fact that she is just starting transition, somewhat understandable. I felt like Maura was…[Read more]

      • I agree. I did not get a sense of “Bad Bisexual” tropes with Sarah’s character, and I’m surprised that Rachel’s review was so fixated on skewering Sarah’s character for that.

      • It occurs to me that the show won’t go the route of having Sarah ID as bi, because she hadn’t even told her husband that Tammy was once her girlfriend. I forget the exact language she used, but it was something like, “You remember that friend from college? She’s a lesbian.”
        I don’t know how you get a relationship to the point of marriage without…[Read more]

      • I completely agree with everything you said.

        Re: Maura – I watched the whole series this weekend, and it is certainly not a perfect show – the biggest issue being that they chose a cis man to play a transgender woman, but I understand the choice. I do think they portray Maura sensitively over the season (she is by far the most likable) and at…[Read more]

    • V. glad you are recapping this, looking for a job in this mug made me laugh for a whole minute.

    • Dear anyone involved in casting anything ever: STOP CASTING CIS MEN AS TRANS WOMEN.


      • I really do not understand what the problem is with the cis actors … They are actors, their job is to represent something they are not, then … if an cis actor represents a trans, it is within your area.

    • Ok, I had to stop reading this midway through because 2 things:

      1. You obviously came in hating this show, and the bias in your review shows so hard, which is really lame because normally I LOVE your reviews/everything you write here. So that’s just me being disappointed.

      2. You missed a MAJOR chunk of the plot. THOSE OLD PEOPLE ARE NOT THE…[Read more]

      • Agreed on all of this. Though I loved Rachel’s recap almost as much as the show itself! So I dunno what’s goin’ on!

        The pilot has some pretty problematic portrayals (say that three times fast), but things get much more down-to-earth and realistic as the show progresses. I dug it.

      • I feel similarly about the show. I waited until Saturday to binge watch it. I found Maura’s struggle to come out quite familiar.

    • I really liked this recap. And I think I liked the show? I definitely liked Jeffrey Tambor’s portrayal of Maura a lot more than I thought I would, especially in the second episode (i’ve only seen the first two but I’ll wait to talk about ep. 2 when that recap comes out). Like, normally I’m too upset about a cis actor playing a trans woman to care,…[Read more]

      • No, I thought the same thing – to me she looked perfectly fine for an older lady, especially now that I know she’s supposed to be around 70. Honestly I had no idea Tambor was that old – for some reason I thought he was in his fifies! If I look like that in my 70s I won’t be complaining.

        It would have been amazing to see a trans woman in that…[Read more]

        • Let me rephrase that (I wish autostraddle comments had editing): I thought Maura passed perfectly well as an older cis lady. Obviously she would look fine regardless of whether she was cis-passing or not.

        • yeah i think that it means a lot that every other trans woman in this show that we meet as trans women are played by trans female actresses.

          • Also, read elsewhere that the crew of this show was largely made up of trans individuals and all of the bathrooms were gender free, AND that the shows writer (creator? unsure) is the child of a trans parent and drew a lot from her experiences with them (unsure of pronouns) for the show. Those were all really positive signs to me.

    • Wait a second. Why is it okay for Josh to play into the white boy, self entitled, man-child stereotype, but it’s so horrific for Sarah to have a few negative bi stereotypes? The playing field for the siblings seems pretty equal to me and neither of their characters is unbelievable. We’ve all met are fair share of Joshs and Sarahs. Being selfish…[Read more]

      • So well said! Positive traits know no color.gender.sexuality and nor do negative ones. I think the more we drive that point home in mainstream media, the more we become one with that mainstream instead of ‘angry black woman number 2’and ‘sassy gay friend’ and ‘butch lesbian’ in the credits of entertainment and people’s minds.

      • Because in the real world no one discriminates against, denies access to effective physical and mental health care, or commits violence against entitled white cis boys based on stereotypes. They reward them with jobs on Wall Street.

        • Which is to say, yes, it’s lazy writing. And I’m sick of that character. But it’s not actively causing real harm to middle class cis white dudes because they benefit from all of the privilege. So… apart from being bored, I just don’t care.

    • I fell asleep reading this recap and had the weirdest dreams where me and my sister were the kids but were also in a video game and racing to apologise to Maura but go loads faster when collecting the green blocks. Weird times.

    • I really like this show! I’m a few episodes in but I’m super into it.

      Also it’s weird that the butch lesbian is played by Jan from The Office.

      • Tammy was originally played by the super amazing Gillian Vigman, but then she was replaced by Melora Hardin. I think it was a poor choice to replace her. Gillian Vigman makes a super great lesbian.

        • Riese replied 2 days ago

          Yeah, I was like, I don’t remember this being Jan from The Office when I saw the pilot all those months ago! I wasn’t sold on her casting for the first few episodes but she grew on me as a good fit for the character. But still I would’ve liked to see Gillian in the role

      • I actually had to use IMDB to figure out that Tammy is Melora Hardin! I heard the voice and knew I should know her, but couldn’t place her at all.

      • yes! also weird/amazing for me because I literally finished watching The Office a week ago. And Sarah’s husband is that guy who plays Holly’s boyfriend for a minute.

      • Oh my god… this changes everything… how did i not notice.

      • Oh no, Riese, this information totally ruined Tammy for me! I can now only see Jan and no longer take her character seriously. But then, Tammy kind of ruins Tammy for me in later episodes, so there’s that. Ended up being perfect casting.

      • I found it a little distracting that Pam played Tammy initially, especially since I saw the pilot with Gillian Vigman. I really loved Gillian immediately in the pilot.

        Plus Melora Hardin/Pam/Tammy said “Babe” SO much during certain points in this show, and I kept having flashbacks to Michael Scott/Pam dinner party from hell.

    • So uh Ali, Josh and Sarah I did not read or get that they were suppose to be Jewish or have a Jewish identity. They just read as middle class white people or just uh white people to me. I have feelings about the white identity in America and how it is a nothingness that drains away any sense of culture, self, tradition or attachment to family and…[Read more]

    • Audrey replied 2 days ago

      Going to incorporate the phrase “cup of brogurt” in my daily life.

    • Did no one else watch the version of this where the woman Sarah cheats on her husband with is played by a completely different woman?!?! AM I IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE??

      • This confused me so much too!

      • Me too. What? I’m in the UK, does it make a difference? Ali’s friend was different too.

      • Often original television pilots have a different cast than the final product we see on television. For example, The L Word was originally shot with a different guy than Eric Mabius playing Tim — they even did promo shoots with original Tim.

        But Original Tim was indicted on domestic abuse charges so they kicked him out of the cast, and…[Read more]

        • I like how original recipe Tim appears to be trying to either control Jenny or light her hair on fire with his mind.

      • I thought I was the only one, too!

        Ok, I’m streaming in Canada via a 3rd party site and ONLY the first / pilot episode was available, but the homo with the kids was DEFINITELY a long-haired vegetable. I was double-taking on the screen recaps.
        I’d have to go back and check, but I’m pretty sure there were also some dialogue changes and the…[Read more]

      First off, I want to admit the shame of joining Amazon Prime for 6 hours, binged watching all 10 episodes and then dumping Prime. Sorry Jeff Bezos, Transparent is a good choice in programming, but I’m still not joining your damn consumer service. I value local businesses.

      Transparent did interest me because I…[Read more]

      • Thanks for all of this, as someone who is also “a woman who is trans, a ‘late transitioner’ although not as old or late as Maura) who is a parent [and, in my case, a long-time moderator on a private forum with a lot of other trans women who are parents]… and raised a reformed Jew.” And thanks for watching, because what you say confirms my…[Read more]

        • Donna, in fairness to Transparent, there is a brief scene where Maura wants to go out for drinks after a support group and no one takes her up on that. I’m sure there are exceptions, it’s just my experience. I’ve seen a lot of painful, awkward moments when people who were passing and had already transitioned didn’t want to hang around someone who…[Read more]

      • Yeah, I don’t want to say too much for fear of revealing spoilers, but my biggest issue with the show was that none of the characters played by trans people got any real character development. I’d hoped that Alexandra Billings’ character would be fleshed out eventually, but sadly she really wasn’t. I otherwise thought the show was quite well done,…[Read more]

      • “from my experience in the trans community where, sadly, most people who are young and passable tend to avoid people who “aren’t passable” and late transitioners like the plague” —

        I’ve heard the same self-loathing fearful denunciations of “older transitioners” (older = 1 day older than the person saying it) by young attractive transpeople.…[Read more]

    • I Just binged the show: So I’m no expert, but I’ve seen just about everything there is in movies and tv that has Trans characters, i even did a camp talk on it at the last a-camp. I am a filmmaker, a trans women, a bisexual, and I’ve been in a few things (played a gay guy in Dallas Buyers Club) It would be an understatement if i said my opinion…[Read more]

      • It’s great to hear your opinion on this! I watched the whole series and felt like it was pretty damn good, too. apparently solloway’s experience with her parent coming out as trans is what inspired the series to begin with, and there are also more than 25 trans cast and crew members, which seems pretty great. idk, i hope this show does well.…[Read more]

        • I really do hope it does well too, I’d love to see some of the other characters get fleshed out (especially Mauras Friends) and less focus on those terrible, terrible children.

        • ginapdx replied 1 day ago

          Whatever the number of trans people involved (and I think they’re mostly as extras in the LGBT center scenes) what does that mean if they’re just window dressing? I guess my point is, if there is no interior life to them, no pettiness, no complexity, nor fallibility or sex or humor, I don’t care that much (other than them getting a day’s pay and…[Read more]

          • What I find particularly irritating about the “trans walk on” is that I’m guessing most people who view them see ordinary men and women and just assume the actrons are cis since they don’t appear “trans.”

            It’s nice they get a one day paycheck I guess.

          • Can we please not trivialize day players. Ive worked on a day to day basis in the film industry here in New Orleans, and those days are pretty important for, you know, paying bills. Cis gendered people here in town could make decent money working solely as Background, trans people aren’t afforded that. I greatly appreciated being able to be myself…[Read more]

          • Also i want to add that coming across a set that is friendly to trans crew is nearly IMPOSSIBLE. The film industry is incredibly misogynistic, like you wouldn’t believe. The fact that even one trans person was welcome on set is HUGE. I know the film/tv world has a long way to go, but this show is not exactly perfect, but i still feel its going in…[Read more]

          • I don’t feel as if I’m trivializing anyone. It’s work, and I acknowledged it as real work which is nothing to sneeze at in the trans community. But for many decades, there have been trans people (and more often cis men playing trans people) who are thrown into scenes whenever they want to make it seem more outre, bizarre, othered (or even sleazy).…[Read more]

    • more sexless rubbish about the parenting ‘grounding someone in reality’ and importance of previous relationships? And treating someone as a specimen and a host for ‘deep’, ‘conflicted’ emotions? Something that’s really needed, irreplaceable and never done before… I am so watching this.[/sarcasm]

      Getting my gf out of that ‘realistic’ and…[Read more]

    • OMG the actress who plays Ali is Sam from my fav 1995 movie Now and Then!

      Umm, I haven’t watched the show yet so I have nothing more substantial to add, yet.

      • I couldn’t figure out where I remembered her from until I got my act together and googled it, and then FREAKED because that was my most faaaaav movie back in the day!! It made me like her so much more.

  • ThumbnailHello prized racehorses! I need to tell you something: I felt kinda weirdsad over the weekend so I reread Twilight and it went ok? If you ever feel weirdsad or whatever, Rachel has these words of encouragement for […]

    • if anyone wants to be my friend i still have a few ello invites left :)

    • So much love for Janet Mock. I appreciated the article about Kelsey, too, although there is a slight sense of “Oh, people are just now starting to pick up on this? I’m glad they find it so fascinating! How long until the TLC 1 hour special ‘Breaking Gender’ or ‘Trapped in My Own Body’?” Still, the tone is generally respectful and the author has…[Read more]

    • “hey what if the AAA turned into a Taylor Hatmaker fan club? I bet you’d still read it.”

      I WOULD but also i will always read the AAA xoxo

    • AlsoAlsoAlso are one of my favourite fearures on AS. Thank you Laneia!
      So excited for Scandal to come back
      And Mulan dressed as Xena always makes me smile

    • Relevant to Jessica Goldstein’s piece was Melissa Harris-Perry’s takedown of the ridiculous NYT article on Shonda Rhimes.

    • Charlotte LaBouff as The Pink Ranger makes my face swell with a smile, Pocahontas as Katniss Everdeen makes my heart swell and Mulan as Xena makes my uhhhh…well..that would be rude, dude.

    • That Charlo Greene clip was amazing! I kinda feel bad for laughing, but that anchor’s “WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY” face was priceless!

    • Ello has some major privacy issues – you can’t block anyone, and until this morning there was no way to report harassment. Now they have an email address for reports, and they claim that they’re working on privacy tools, but this mostly came about because I and some other rabble-roused on Twitter about it – it wasn’t on their radar otherwise.…[Read more]

      • Oh, the other thing I wanted to say but forgot was that I’m concerned that we’re all so desperate for a Facebook replacement that we’re willing to overlook any kind of critical analysis or skepticism for the first thing that looks shiny. Which makes the trance-like “it’s beta~~~it will be safe soon~~~” chants even more scary.

        Privacy from…[Read more]

      • Thanks for your info on Ello! I personally don’t have a problem with the lack of privacy because I’ve just been using it as a way to post silly stuff and have back-and-forth comments to friends similar to a public twitter account (basically I’ve been using it as a way to shout nonsense in public and I don’t have enough of a internet presence to be…[Read more]

    • Facebook’s name policy is absurd. Before my legal name change finally went through recently (shoutout to California for making the process lengthy, expensive, and a complete pain to deal with), I tried to change my name on FB and was told I needed to show photo ID. What do they think they are, the government? Even Social Security only required my…[Read more]

      • Forgot to mention, excited to see Taiwan in this article for positive reasons! Viva the motherland etc.

    • I vote that we start referring to employed men as “career men.”

    • Kiiiiind of disappointed that Nouria Newman didn’t make the “12 women who changed sports this year” piece. Because damn, the Stikine Canyon is no joke and hello, first woman (and one of like 7 people ever) to run it all/run Site Zed. Of course, equally awesome badass lady Katrina Wijk could have made the list and I’d be happy because first woman…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailHey weirdos! Remember when Words With Girls premiered and we all freaked the fuck out about how excited we were? Remember how much you wanted to be able to watch more of it? Well I come bearing GOOD […]

    • well this was just delightful

    • Pretty sure that after this the only way to fall deeper in love/respect with Brittani is for her to finally swipe right on my Tinder profile.

      Also in love with Tessa Blake?

      In love with everything about this show.

    • thank god for brittani nichols, her gaggle of queers, and the possibility of ‘dum dum’ becoming something other people say because it’s so cute

    • This is all just so wonderful — and I hope you continue to have many more opportunities to shine, Brittani!!

  • WE HAVE A NEW T-SHIRT so you can let everyone know what a pissed off, homicidal feminist looks like! c4bbb9bfd63944218e120031c14917b5_820x820

    Newsie Stuff
    + Learn how Facebook’s real name policy is dangerous for its LGBT users.

    Many members of the LGBTQ community opt to choose a different set of pronouns, or to eschew gendered pronouns altogether insofar as the English…

    [Read more]

    • I need those Ghostbusters donuts. Come Sept 29th I will be on a mission to find them.

      Also I really disliked parts of the Mockingjay book but damn if I’m not excited for the movies.

    • I do snack like a preschooler. How do you know?

    • Was the video at the end supposed to be 36 Things You Might Not Know About Cats? I guess it’s a playlist and may be on there. Either way, I enjoyed learning about “sin-eaters.”

    • That anime list though. I know what I’ll be doing this weekend.

    • Before I clicked on that list of black women in superhero comics, I was like “If Monica Rambeau isn’t on this list, it’s bullshit” and then there she was right at the top! Yes, good. As an eternal ‘Generation X’ fan, I was a little sad Monet wasn’t on it, though.

      That queer superhero primer left out A LOT, though.

    • I’m really excited about the article on learning to play basketball. I am hopelessly uncoordinated and I have terrible balance, and last month I decided that I want to learn to skateboard. I know I look ridiculous out there. I know that you can literally walk faster than I skateboard right now. But the joy of being able to try, finally, is so…[Read more]

    • So now that I’ve taken the time to read some of the linked things. and not just drool over donuts…

      I love the learning basketball article. I am also a person who never considered herself athletic, but now that I have daughters I don’t want that attitude to rub off on them. I love this quote:

      “I want them to know they can do anything, that…[Read more]


      However, doesn’t Netflix sometimes send an email to the account owner asking about video quality? I feel that could be a problem.

      • Hm… That might be a problem, I dumped NETFLIX this summer but I still get e-mails from her begging me to come back.

    • All the luck in the world to Well well well. My gf and I were visiting Paris when there were anti gay marriage/adoption protests at the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe…it was hideous, we high tailed it out of there as fast as we could. Also let’s not forget a man shot himself in the head at Notre Dame cathedral in protest of the…[Read more]

      • My cousins were part of that protest :( I wish this magazine was available online, I don’t live in France and it doesn’t ship abroad… I’ve been looking for a way to feel more connected to my fellow-queers in France and reading about french queer culture seems like a good place to start.

    • WAIT. I can delete my Netflix history now?! Why was that not the lede??!?!?!?! That’s glorious news for everyone sharing a Netflix account with their parents.

      I’ll be right back — I just need to go watch But I’m a Cheerleader fourteen times.

  • There’s some new stuff that you’re gonna love and some of the older stuff that you love is on sale! Happy day!
    Misandry Shirt: $25
    You like to adorn your hot hot bod with attractive, soft and comfy things. You also probably like misandry. And now there’s a way to enjoy both at the same time.

    Now you can wear a t-shirt that helpfully declares…[Read more]

    • Hmm at that price I could give those calendars out as part of a goodie bag. After all some people need to queer up their office space.

    • A misandrist shirt, finally! Buying one now.

    • Can’t wait to enrage MRA bros in my new tee

    • blah, those t-shirt sizes are breaking my poor fat heart

      • I know! I’m hoping 2XL will work out for me. I think it’s the highest the AA tees go, based on their size chart. :/

    • I want all of these!

    • A-camp hoodies are super soft and toasty warm.
      I totally recommend them for cuddling

    • *Looks at Misandrist shirt*

      *Puts down tea*

      How dare you?! I literally just put a deposit in my account and I am going to have to *again* give you my money so I can buy that shirt.

      Not only that, you are now responsible for all the jokes, hilarious explanations and not let’s not even begin how I am going to pair this up with my green…[Read more]

      • I can’t wait to define the word for unintelligent men then watch them get offended.

      • <3

      • comment award for bra please


        I’m not even done because AS must want a gay lady to go hungry because not only I will be getting the shirt, I will also be getting the You Do You flask!

        It’s a okay because with the Misandrist shirt and You Do You flask, I will be collecting all the male tears and never be thirsty again!

        • I bought the flask and it’s an excellent choice. I think you may also want to add calendar to that list so you can make notes of who’s tears you took that day. That and having attractive ladies/people to stare at is never a bad thing.

    • I NEED that misandrist shirt

    • just got myself a retro a-camp hoodie, now I will hold mountain memories even nearer my heart, if that’s even possible…

      • Someday I will figure out how to comment links correctly. It’s a link to the wikipedia page for misandry, which might make you laugh.

      • your link worked fine! and when will these numbskulls realize that any “expectations” of men are drawn directly from the idea that women are the weaker, helpless sex…they are drafted into the army (but not women) because women are seen as feeble and weak. they pay for things because women are seen as not having as much money (which thanks to the…[Read more]

      • I was totally expected a link to this http://www.robot-hugs.com/date/ but the link does work.

    • Yes, can we please talk about how f*cking annoying it is when people ask you why you’re not smiling or tell you to put a smile on your face? Maybe I don’t feel like smiling. I am not your personal ray of sunshine.

      That being said, f*ck yeah new Autostraddle merch!

      • I get so sick of the “why aren’t you smiling?” “why are you wearing black?” questions!

    • On the subject of autostraddle store: more YDY t-shirt sizes!!(please). And more “the intent of wearing this is partially to let you know I am a lady-lover” merch in general, esp. for us invisible femmes out there.

    • It’s like you know I can’t resist the amazingly soft hoodies you make. Given that I already have two camp hoodies the YDY hoodie is very tempting. I wouldn’t be shocked if at some point in the future my whole wardrobe is AS merch.

      • The YDY hoodie is soft and perfect and I think made of sunshine. Everyone should have one.

    • For years I’ve been trying to set my friends straight about what feminism is; equality and respect. I tell my friends that if they meet a self titled feminist who goes past equality to elevate herself above men then she is not a true feminist. I am deeply disappointed to see this misandry shirt after all the intelligent and forward thinking…[Read more]

      • I should add that I like Autostraddle’s apparel, in particular the ‘You Do You’ sweatshirt.

        • “I should add that I like Autostraddle’s apparel, in particular the ‘You Do You’ sweatshirt.”

          the blinding irony

      • I believe it’s meant in the same vein as this article.

        tl;dr it’s a reducto ad absurdum joke.

      • I completely agree with you Lucy. I think the misandrist t is totally off. Love most of the rest of the Autostraddle merch though.

        Would we have seen Martin Luthar King in an ‘I hate white people’ t? I think not (though willing to be corrected on this!)

        • Actually, I think an “I hate white people” shirt wouldn’t be a problem and would be enjoyed by some. Sometimes it can be refreshing to send a message to people who believe in things like reverse sexism/racism that you don’t want them around. I can understand why some people might not care about being off-putting to people who believe in societal…[Read more]

      • I do recall that once autostraddle posted a very article about how misandry isn’t real. Aaaaand how it’s one of the main derailment devices used by mras when arguing about feminism. To me, this shirt is like, I’m not going to waist time explaining what feminism is or why i don’t hate men and frankly i don’t have to justify my anger about misogyny…[Read more]

        • Seriously the shirt and flask should be a “No Fucks Given” package.

        • Thank you for linking the slate.com article, Dina. I read it and it has added to my perspective. The issue I see here is… sexuality. If my mother wears a misandry shirt it is ironic (because she is a feminist and straight). If I wear a misandry shirt I am instantly a self-branded man hating lesbian. One of the things I seek to avoid.

          The…[Read more]

          • Very well put. I heard Autostraddle published an article on how misandry isn’t real? I would really like to see that article. I can understand where there are a lot of cases where it’s not true, that this-particular-person is not misandric, but it has been my experience that misandry is actually a very real thing. Some people are misandric.

          • To me, the fact that it means something different when a lesbian wears a misandry shirt is part of the problem.

          • I think this is the article on misandry not being real that people are referring to. http://www.autostraddle.com/helpful-advice-for-talking-to-men-who-think-misandry-is-a-thing-170632/

            It is a very good article.

            It looks to me like the difference in reactions to this ‘misandrist t shirt’ comes down to a definition thing.
            1) Misandry as…[Read more]

      • I tend to think of it in terms of game theory. One of the main ways of getting men to understand that misogyny is wrong is by getting them to think about how they would feel if the roles were reversed, and realize that everyone would be better off if they agreed not to hate each other. When a man who supports equality sees a feminist indulging in…[Read more]

      • Absolutely! I’m so glad to see someone else shares mymy opinionon this. While I absolutely ADORE Autostraddle and the amazing representation they advocate (alliteration, anyone?) I am greatly disappointed by this shirt. Misandry is no better than misogyny.

      • +1 on how this would be read by cis-male allies, trans men and trans women, and also perpetuating the man-hating lesbian stereotype. i get the joke (“misandry doesn’t exist; you’ve been punk’ed!”), and for sure a lot of straddlers could have good conversations with people commenting on their Misandry tee, but as a transmasculine lurker on this…[Read more]

        • I feel really torn. I don’t want to alienate anyone, but I also want to be able to make jokes. Trans friends make “I hate cis people” jokes sometimes and I don’the feel offended as a cis person because come on. I feel their pain and they can make a fucking comment or complaint in safety, and no, its not “just as bad” as transphobia. I complain…[Read more]

          • Yeah I agree, let’s keep a sense of humor and context is key. I guess it comes down to context is missing for me with this shirt, it wasn’t clear that it was aimed only at mra douchebros. For example, in one AS article about powerful tv women, there was a quote about captain Janeway “verging deliciously into misandry” which cracked me up because…[Read more]

        • “how this would be read by cis-male allies, trans men and trans women”

          i’m curious why you included trans women in this group? why would they feel any differently about this shirt than cis women?

          personally i know at least one trans guy who’s already bought himself one of these shirts, and at least one cis male ally who thinks it’s funny. i…[Read more]

      • As a white person I wouldn’t have a problem with seeing someone wear an “I hate white people” shirt, but I would think a “Reverse Racist” shirt was hilarious.

        I also think that if you are old enough to know what misandrist means you are old enough to get sarcasm.

      • I came here to say the same thing – I’ve always seen Autostraddle as a positive and supportive place, but seeing this pop up on my Facebook feed made me feel incredibly sad and makes me consider putting them behind me.

        Much as I hate the reactionary way in which the word ‘misandry’ is often used by MRAs, there *are* genuinely situations in…[Read more]

        • Yes, exactly. I’m the same, I’m not into slinging insults and it comes across as insulting rather than funny – to me, at least if it was worn in public rather than amongst friends who ‘get it’. Not everyone is as schooled up on the irony of ‘misandry’, in a public setting I can only see it as dividing people rather than stimulating constructive…[Read more]

          • Where/how does misandry exist though?

            The only ways I can think of men facing discrimination in our society are things that are not predicated on hating men, but in stereotypes about men and women.

            For example family court rulings I can well imagine are skewed because of the stereotypes about women as being more ‘naturally’ suited to caring…[Read more]

        • Adding to what henshin said, I can’t actually think of any situations where men are oppressed. Even the family court thing- that is awful, but its also the result of a legal system controlled by men, so does that count as oppression? Can a group of people in power create a system where they are oppressed? that seems paradoxical.
          I make jokes with…[Read more]

          • Okay. This isn’t that relevant, but it bothers me how often I hear the, “men are discriminated against in child custody cases” as if it’s a fact. They’re not. Statistically, yes, women get sole or primary custody more often. Until you take out uncontested custody cases. If men TRY to get sole or primary custody of a child over the age of three,…[Read more]

      • Not going to go too in depth (because I’m at work), but it’s really not my thing either. Maybe part of it is because for most of my life, I’ve had mostly male-identified friends. And like others said, a lot of it has to do with the lack of context; I don’t want to have to go into long winded explanations. It’s a shirt with a word, most people…[Read more]

      • The t-shirt is disappointing….to judge any group as though it were one person. Especially when the definition is about “hating” that group. And to those who seek to “spin” the definition in another direction …remember you will not be able to explain to all who see the word on your t-shirt….you will be stuck with the definition that they will…[Read more]

    • Wearing a Tomboy Femme t-shirt without a bra is literally better than being naked.

    • God dammit why is Australia so far away

    • Question to those of you who already own the autostraddle flask: What kinds of things can you put in it? I.e., does it have to be hard liquor like vodka or can you put in something flavored, like coffee liqueur? Or even wine? I ask because I have another flask (states away! must support AS and buy a new one!) and I remember the instructions…[Read more]

      • Stainless steel is food safe with all kinds of beverages! But because of the geometry of the flask, I’d avoid syrupy things because they’re going to be difficult to clean out. I also wouldn’t recommend putting anything dairy based in your flask, unless you keep it in the fridge or something.

      • FYI, Here are the exact directions for use from a real life You Do You Flask:

        Your stainless steel flask is specially designed to carry alcoholic beverages. It should not be used for beverages with acid contents such as fruit juices and cordials.

    • YAY. HOODIES FOR SALE. I will definitely buy more merchandise ;)

    • Is there a way to donate directly to AS?

      • There is a black box on the right hand side of the page that says something about donating to AS.

    • This makes me sad!!! I wish i had money =/ but soon enough!!

    • i was literally just thinking today about how i need a shirt declaring my misandrist inclinations. autostraddle, anticipating my needs always<3

    • I have to say, I got really upset seeing that Misandrist tee without any context. But hey, I suppose there’s a market for it? :/

      The “I bathe in male tears” is less upsetting because its absurd. Misandry is not absurd, unfortunately.

      • The joke is that misandry doesn’t exist, outside of the paranoid obsessions of mras. Just living life and being a feminist makes people accuse you of being a ‘misandrist’, and the shirt is an attempt to joke about that instead of weeping.

        • But misandry does exist. I know people that are actually man-hating.

          • yeah, it’s weird to me that AS is now selling a shirt that might be worn by two different demographics: anti-mra straddlers being ironic, and terfs and their ilk being un-ironic.

          • No. Misogyny is a cultural attitude that maintains cultural discrimination in a specific power structure. It is not really hating women (benevolent sexism is still misogyny)…it is the cultural attitude. Women struggling to trust cishet men after being raised in a culture of violence is a completely different context. Pretending they are the same…[Read more]

      • autostraddle is usually spot on, but the misandrist shirt is a definite miss.

        however ironic in intention, it reads as the wearer lowering herself to the same level as those the shirt’s intended to critique…

        we are both sisters and brothers here…

    • It really is high time I had a flask.

    • Hm, I really need to finish that “Ladies Lunch, Bitches Brunch” crop top design. Stupid classes getting in the way of me using the lab for personal projects completely unrelated to school.

    • I was so looking forward to a misandrist shirt but this is disappointing. I wanted a shirt that was bitingly witty, but just the word itself isn’t worth that much money for me :

      Points though for the T-shirt colour and the font.

      I can personally attest that the YDY hoody is incredibly soft and warm. My girlfriend seems to be more eager for…[Read more]

    • now logged in as my damn self let’s try this again.

      i want a shirt that says

      fuck the police
      white tears bath enthusiast
      cookie monster
      sin verguenza

    • YDY hoodie question — since the S isn’t available, does anyone know if the XS super tight fitting? I’d love to buy one for fall but I usually wear a S in unisex hoodies.

      • Hi there! I usually wear a small in uni sex hoodies as well, and I tried an xs cause that’s all they had at camp one time, and it fit just fine, but I’m pretty ruler shaped, so if you have hips and stuff proceed with caution

    • I’ll add my voice in finding the misandry shirt deeply disappointing and uncomfortable. I get that (hopefully, with the benefit of the doubt) it’s meant to be a response to “misandrist” as a hurled slur when speaking up about some reasonable feminist issue. It does not come off that way, and it doesn’t have enough context. As presented, it is…[Read more]

    • Damn, that misandrist shirt is in insanely poor taste. What were you guys thinking?

  • Our last A-Camp back in May was a bit of a departure from the usual scheduling structure. Instead of regular hour-long activity blocks throughout the week, we gave ourselves three long hours on Saturday afternoon to really dig into some important things, like community building, self-portraits, canoeing, education and, my personal favorite, zine…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailWhen I was a miniature human, like most bespectacled nerdy loners, I was obsessed with the Redwall series. I would often read and reread the giant books cover to cover in only a few days. Aside from the obvious […]

    • I am so glad I wasn’t the only person obsessed with Redwall! Thanks for bringing me back to one of the few bright spots from middle school. :) Totally trying out this recipe.

      • aah! I forgot all about Redwall. I think I was the only person in the 6th grade who read Mossflower.

    • I’m gonna have to try this! Too bad it’s too late in the year for me to try making a homegrown blackberry cordial. Ideas for next summer…

    • we’re all aware of this, right? I feel the need to make sure we’re all aware of this:

      also: after reading this, pretty sure i need to go buy some vodka right now.

    • Yay! This was also my main takeaway from Redwall as a child. Dandelion wine and roasted acorns. Cordial and cordial and cordial.

      I’m going to try this. :)

    • What? You are NOT a racooooooooon princess?? And not a bespectacled nerdy loner?
      OMG….well a bit more of possumhaw cordial may calm my dismay…..
      Or may I just say……glasses and nerdy/ brilliant should never be alone….or unloved

    • Oh…btw, orange peel soaked in vodka for a few weeks is an orange liquer sub for Grand Marinier sp?……Chef Sarah….been there….done that….but may have screwed the letters. Yikies!

    • A month from now, you’re all invited to my place for drinks. Come armed with favourite quotes and tasty offerings

  • ThumbnailHello and welcome to this thing we’re doing where we help you figure out what you’re gonna put in your mouth this week. Some of these are recipes we’ve tried, some of these are recipes we’re looking forward to […]

    • Alex replied 2 weeks ago

      Oh man I want to try basically all of these recipes!! I love fall!!

    • Erin replied 2 weeks ago

      Bookmarked a bunch of these. It’s a busy fall, the slow-cooker can do the work for me.

    • So like, I’ve been sick and off my meds for a while and just generally having no spoons for weeks and surviving off of pizza and this is everything i was looking for. little effort, lots of leftovers, delicious meals. thanks autostraddle how do you always know what i need???

    • T.C. replied 2 weeks ago

      Wow, some really wonderful looking dishes…it actually makes me wish I ate better, but since I don’t, and being that I am too lazy to even go to the store to pick up the ingredients for any of these dishes, I will just stay on first name basis with the delivery boy from the deli across the way.

      Good article though!

      Come to think of it, I…[Read more]

    • My proudest adult purchase thus far is my Crock Pot. I could get lost for days in the sea of wonderful Crock Pot recipes.

    • This legit made me consider whether I could take a slow cooker to Uni… I don’t even own one…

      • you probably can! a slow cooker and/or rice cooker are relatively cheap, convenient and safe ways to cook in a dorm that doesn’t have kitchen access, esp. since a lot of dorms don’t allow open flames/heat, which can make cooking hard.

      • Ric replied 2 weeks ago

        slow cooker was a god send to me at university.

    • No, but really, how did you know exactly what I needed?
      I got a slow cooker last year and have used it a grand total of one time so far. Looking forward to making a load of these recipes now!

      • cb replied 2 weeks ago

        word. I was just feeling super guilty like…yesterday over how little I’ve used my crockpot since I got it.

    • Kasey replied 2 weeks ago

      I want to make like 12 of these right now but I only have one slow cooker and I don’t think I could eat all that food and its kind of a bummer.

    • I use my crockpot more than I use my microwave, but admittedly, I use it to make the same things over and over (my specialties are chicken tacos, spaghetti meatballs, apple crisp, and various brothy soups).

      This whole post is like a checklist of new things. Challenge accepted!

    • Ric replied 2 weeks ago


    • Gemi replied 2 weeks ago


      I only have one crock pot and one stomach :(

      • 1. You invite friends for dinner! I never make chicken tacos or spaghetti meatballs for just myself, and my apple crisp has won over the love and affection of the people in my new office. For now.

        2. You get containers and make single-portion leftovers!

        Bam bam problems solved!

      • Lex replied 2 weeks ago

        Do you have a freezer?
        Proper storage containers for freezing and microwave defrosting food?
        If so you now have a meal queue.

    • So, Im just gonna throw this out there: Making apple sauce is super easy in a crockpot and then making muffins with said sauce is probably the best decision you’ll ever make.

    • Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts

    • Thinking of buying a crock pot

    • Slow cooker garbage stock! It’s the easiest thing ever.

      1) Put a gallon ziplock bag in your freezer.
      2) Put the cuttings from the vegetables you use in other recipes in
      3) If you eat meat, put the bones in (especially if they have a little bit of meat still attached)
      4) When the bag is full, dump it in the crock pot. Put some more garlic in.…[Read more]

    • All of this looks SO delicious but I got distracted halfway through… Am I the only one who noticed the fork finger-fucking the olive in the background of 26?

      So, now I know what to do with my time while I’m waiting for deliciousness to slowly cook in my crock pot… I’ll have a good appetite.

      • You made me go all the way up to check and OMG the fork really is finger fucking the olive. And the spoon says soup nazi. What other subliminal messages are hidden in this post?

    • I think it’s time I invest in a crock pot. Any recommendations for a good one/where to get one that won’t break the bank?

    • Dante replied 2 weeks ago

      I just. WOW. THESE ALL LOOK AMAZING, and a lot of them seem simple to make vegetarian. Autostraddle, I love u.

    • Lex replied 2 weeks ago

      Never doubt the power of the crock pot, after Katrina it was one of the few things my family could use to make meals. There’s only so far a microwave will take you and it’s gotta rain sometime.
      And! A crock pot is what my grandmother uses to make red sauce and red gravy for serious stuff like manicottis. If an old world taught person like her…[Read more]

    • Once you have tried homemade baked beans you’ll never want to eat canned ones again! And don’t assume crock pots are only for winter – I use mine in summer to avoid heating up the kitchen when I cook.

      • Hat replied 2 weeks ago

        Agree. Boston baked beans on the crockpot is an old standby of mine.

    • Hat replied 2 weeks ago

      This list is amazing. I love my crockpot it’s a faithful friend especially when I’m super busy. Lazy but tasty cooking is awesome. Can’t wait to candy up some nuts. Winner!

    • Tango replied 2 weeks ago

      I can put GRITS in my crock pot?!?! Why have I never been informed of this?? I feel so sheltered–what else haven’t I been told?!

      Also, I definitely wrote that asiago bread recipe down. I will report back when I’m digesting it. ;]

    • oh wow! I have a tiny 2 qt crockpot that makes enough for two people + a little leftover, maybe I should upgrade to a bigger one.

  • feature image by shutterstock


    I had three panic attacks this week. One occurred in the middle of the night in my homegirl’s crib while I was in underwear and a hanes ribbed tee. That one was fun because I got to sweat from the heat and the panic while listening to car alarms go off in the distance. The second one happened in the middle…[Read more]

    • F-ing love this

    • And now I’m feeling weird in that way that happens when I just love somebody so much who I have only ever read on the internet – a feeling induced by AS regularly. <3

    • Ohh… so that’s what popped collars are for?

      Seriously, frickin’ fantastic piece!

      • it is but not when you’re wearing two polo shirts at the same time. i forgot to add that note.
        also thanks so much

    • I dunno if it’s a straight girls thing or what, but yeah no I have totally had friends (plural! more than one of them!) randomly slap me on the butt.

      • i’m curious and now want to be friends with your friends.

      • I also have that happen with straight friends! Maybe my ass is just really slappable?!?

      • When I thought I was straight this was totally a thing my friends and I did. Looking back, we were all very touchy basically all the time? And now I’m less touchy because I don’t want to make any of my lady friends uncomfortable, but the touchiness is definitely coming back now that my queerness is loosing its newness, I think.
        Anyway I highly…[Read more]

      • A straight girl at work used to slap me on the butt and giggle a lot.

    • I don’t remember how I figured these out and I don’t know why they calms me down but here is my list:

      1.Put on a hoodie (hood up) and sing “I’ll be your everything” from inspector gadget. Think about the terrible white boy dances that happened in that video.

      2.Curl in a corner and imagine that I cohost a cooking show with Rachel Ray.

      3.…[Read more]

    • yes yes es muy bueno advice.

    • I have a Spotify playlist entitled “Be Quiet You Noisy Brain”. It’s mostly ambient music and post-rock. It’s highly effective.

    • Yah panic attacks suck so much! I almost had one last week but i stopped it by hitting up the gym

    • Love this! I find trying to recite all the words of my favourite song helps. Or cat videos…

    • I wish I knew how to explain what I do when I feel a panic attack coming on (or a blushing attack – a real thing that is incredibly humiliating, when you are talking to a random person and start to blush furiously for no reason whatsoever, then blush harder because you are embarrassed that you started blushing) because it’s really helpful, but I…[Read more]

      • there was a Grey’s Anatomy episode where one of the patients had a blushing condition. I totally empathized with her (and you) although for me it is not blushing but crying. Not that it’s the same thing or that either of us aren’t totally normal, but dang it stinks to visibly lose one’s composure, and make other people uncomfortable because of it,…[Read more]

        • feel you super hard on the frequent crying. I’m kinda over people acting like weirdos about it though. I’m just having feelings. it’ll be fine. fortunately mal blum has totally got our backs on the topic:

          • i feel uncertain as to why that didn’t work properly since i copy-pasta real good, but whatevs. link still shows up, so it does the job, i guess.

          • thanks cb glad to know we’re in good company with mal blum. i want to check out those lyrics now. i thought of this article too by another person who cries easily, what she did about it and how it relates to feminism. http://thehairpin.com/2014/08/apologia

          • thanks for linking that–I got to the bottom of the article and was like “oh! lindsay king-miller. no wonder that was a good article!” she made some really good points. (hopefully, too, having read it will prove distracting enough from my 5am bout of crying that I can go back to sleep without feeling the need to apologize to myself for having…[Read more]

          • Rey replied 2 weeks ago

            :/ i hope it was happy stuff and not sad stuff. or at least like a sampler plate, so there was some happy in there.

      • whaaaat, that’s like the sweetest compliment ever.

        the blushing attacks sound like a good queer screamo band btw.

        having them as a condition tho, probs sucks so bad. here all my hugs in one X

    • Ahhh Autostraddle. You just get me. If gay marriage was legal in Australia, I would marry you.

    • I appreciate this SO MUCH.

    • Something I really needed, written by my favorite autostraddle writer. Thank you.

      • and on this comment, i will go to sleep w a big ass smile on my face and know that i should keep writing about things. xoxo

        • Keep writing forever! I even follow you on ig because I love your posts. Also you should maybe someday write about cool things to do and see in New York because I’m a California kid that moved to Connecticut last year and I love visiting New York but I don’t know what to do once I’m there. The end, have a nice day!

    • I’m lucky that I’ve not had one for a while. But I still haven’t found a way to talk myself out of them; even though I know what it is, sometimes I just can’t get a handle on them.

    • Panic attacks ruled my life for quite some time. I thankfully haven’t had a full-blown panic attack in years, but I’m still trying to break up with my panic- we’ve been in an abusive relationship for nearly 15 years, and I can’t seem to get away from it. My panic was my best friend, my lover, my life.

    • Aside from classic breathing exercises, I find ASMR videos calm me down pretty well (if I have access to them). And magnesium supplements for that night time panic that keeps you awake.

      Fortunately haven’t had a panic attack in a long while!

    • This was great. I’ve luckily managed to avoid panic attacks for a little while now, but screaming at myself in Frenglish was always rather effective…

    • YES

    • I wish I’d had this post earlier in the week. I had a panic attack so bad that I dialled for emergency services. Brain fail.

    • This is pretty damn timely because I had a panic attack last night. It was one of those wake you up at 3am with ALL of the horrible symptoms, luckily I’ve been working on “talking myself down” and got through it in about 15 minutes. I’m going to pop my collar and speak spangilsh next time and hopefully get it down to 10 minutes.

      • you know just once it’d be nice to wake up at 3am because you won the lottery, or the brownie fairy brought some magical brownies to your bed, or because the human of your dreams was ready to whisk you away to paradise, right?
        damn panic attacks, ruining some good sleep.
        i’m glad you got through it tho. glad you got here. pop the fuck…[Read more]

        • I’m really glad I got here too! Thank you, Gabrielle. I really hope the brownie fairy visits me soon.

    • Jess replied 2 weeks ago

      I nab whichever puppy is closest to me, stroke it like my life depends on it (don’t say that what she said… don’t say that what she sai…THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! Ugh, dammit), and repeatedly remind myself not to Lenny the eff out of said doggie in the process.


      Seems to work.

      • I think paying someone to bring a puppy around to be petted should be covered by insurance.

    • Sade replied 2 weeks ago

      This is such a timely article for me. I had a pretty bad panic attack last week and anxiety has been kicking my ass lately. It’s great to know I’m not the only queermo dealing with these kinds of things and that most things feel more manageable if you can laugh about it :)

    • Lex replied 2 weeks ago

      #4 Can work with pain too y’all.

      Anecdote: Had the horrid cramps of muffled pillow screaming which after my mother gave me the endometriosis talk she should have been giving me since childhood. I recited the Hail Mary into Latin then Spanish and then English until I passed out. The pain didn’t magically go away but I was able to focus on the…[Read more]

    • Deni replied 2 weeks ago

      The first time I went to a gay bar I had my first panic attack. I didn’t know what a panic attack was and I also didn’t really know I was gay at the time.

    • This is exquisite and necessary, thank you.

    • Gracias, el artículo está muy bien :)

  • Eli would just like to remind you that there’s a new episode of Doctor Who premiering every Saturday night, which he feels is a good reason to get all of your chores done on Friday. Here’s everything we missed while I was nodding in agreement.

    Your News is Showing
    + A Pennsylvania mother is facing prison time for helping her 16 year-old…[Read more]

    • Those deer are the best thing that’s happened to me all day, and I got free wine earlier on

    • This list is gonna eat into all my free time :p it is such a good chunk of reading to do! I just tried to tell my parents about the Harry Potter thing and they just smiled indulgently at me.

    • I came across Brooke Hemphill being interviewed on the radio yesterday and I had to turn it off because it made me so cranky. So much internalised biphobia! So much denial of having privilege! So much complaining about “Twitter trolls!” Siiiiigh.

    • those deer are jaunty as fuck and i could not love them more end of story

    • SoCal Potluck!!

      Also, that list of slang words. I’m going to cut my ten commandments. They’re getting long.

    • heyyy a nod for Starkville and Mississippi! hoorah and such.

    • That tampon game is my new favorite thing.

    • Hanna! What an amazing movie.

    • Actually, having to read Harry Potter would make me *more* of an asshole to other people. I do NOT enjoy those books on any level and being forced to read books I hate makes me cranky and being cranky makes me less nice to others.

      Also, that article about homeless gay teens whining about the efforts for gay marriage really chaps my ass. …[Read more]

      • I agree. And I also don’t understand why more people can’t see how one informs the other. Marriage equality is a step toward stigma reduction. Stigma reduction means fewer kids running away/getting kicked out of their homes. These are not mutually exclusive issues.

    • aw deeeeerr

    • Good job, deer. Good job.

  • feature image via Shutterstock
    The first lie I remember telling was to my grandmother over the phone, when I was maybe eight. Our cat had given birth to six kittens, I said. We didn’t even have a cat. She […]

    • Fuck this is good.

    • i love you

    • I would say I hate this, that it is the worst thing ever, but I think someone with your experience would see right through that charade.

      its so good.

    • Thanks so much Rachel. I (unexpectedly) learned a lot about myself from this. Currently feeling very lucky and grateful for the privilege of reading this <3

    • Thank you for this, Rachel. I am just, like, on the floor over here.

      I have randomly lied about things that are, as you say, low on the Richter scale and have never thought about why I do. Sometimes it is about self-preservation, as you say. Sometimes it is just weird stuff like I pretend I’ve seen a TV show that I haven’t or I know about a…[Read more]

    • I don’t know how to respond to what you’ve written here without falling back on empty superlatives (which come cheap on the web), because you guys are the writers, and I’m just a internet homo struggling to put my feelingz about this into words. But I need to say something.

      This site has published an awful lot of magnificently honest,…[Read more]

    • I subscribed to A+ just to read this essay and wow, I related to so much of this. Around age 22 it hit me that I’d begun lying about small, inconsequential things for no reason — all the time. This went on for a year or two, and when I felt the lies begin to escalate (nothing major, but I began exaggerating almost everything), I stopped for the…[Read more]

    • Rachel, this is so, so good — and it also describes me exactly, and I didn’t even know till now. Holy fuck.

    • Hi. This is great. I love you. Okay, bye.

    • I have to agree with the above. I learned a whole lot about myself while reading. So fucking amazing, Rachel. One of the best I’ve read here on the site!

    • Thank you <3

    • I wish I could have beers with you every weekend or like on a Wednesday, Rachel. That would be really nice. I’m a liar too — not in the ways you wrote here but I am, just to let you know.

    • well this was goddamn amazing, rachel.

    • holy shit, rachel.

      “Sometimes people thought it was funny. No one ever asked “When did you stop?” or “did you ever?”

      this. remembering my childhood therapy mostly for the preposterous lies i told (although i am pretty sure that the lying was why i was there) & using microsoft paint to edit out acne in middle school pictures i didn’t share…[Read more]

    • I’m in awe of how good this is.

    • thank you so much for sharing this, Rachel. that last line keeps ringing in my head, resonates so much.

    • This is fantastic. (Fittingly?) it’s so honest.

    • This is amazing, Rachel, I feel so honored to know you and call you a friend.

    • I love this (and you) so very much.

    • wow. on the floor.

    • wow, rachel. <3

      i have always been a terrible liar, but this feels close to my heart anyway, especially thinking of my kid-self, always scared. i picture little maddie and rachel, collaborating on how to thwart The Bad Guys coming to get us. i would have taught you to lock the windows at night and sleep with your back to the wall, clutching…[Read more]

    • apart from the vulnerability, honesty and intelligence of this essay this is just really really good writing

    • This was a great read, and it really made me think. Thanks for writing

    • Yeah, wow, feeling this, sometimes I also don’t know where the preservational lies end and the truth begins.

    • Wow!! This is amazing. It really brought me back to the years of my life where I was hiding the fact that I was in a relationship because I wasn’t out to most people, and she wasn’t out to anyone. I never told a single person about us while we were together. Sooo many lies and even more silence.

      Thank you so much for sharing!

    • My mother used to liken lying to digging a hole: It starts small, but always grows. By the time you realize you’re in too deep to climb out, it’s too late. This analogy assumes the digger wants out. That the lying is malevolent and hurtful — to yourself, to others. Your essay assumes neither. It makes no excuses, is simply what it is.

      I guess…[Read more]

    • This is a beautiful piece of writing and an incredibly beautiful piece. Thank you for you honesty and your story.

      This is kind of too close to me right now and I’m freaking out. But still. Thank you. I think it was really necessary for me to read.

    • You are such an elegant writer. I loved this.

      When I was somewhere in my teens it struck me that not only did I often lie about pointless things – though it was almost more like an inadvertent extension into my real life of the endless fantasy scenarios playing out in my head – but I also often felt sheepishly like I had to convince people of…[Read more]

    • Rachel, you write the most incredible things.

    • <3 <3 <3

      (no words)

    • THANK YOU.

    • This resonates with me so much. We have very different reasons for lying…I moved frequently as a kid, and after starting over too many times, losing all my friends too often, I decided – whether consciously or not – to just lie to everyone so no one would really know me. So no one would get close. But regardless of the reasons, the results are…[Read more]

    • This article hit me in a really hard place.

      I’ve always been a big liar, or really, I’ve been a liar since about the time I turned fifteen. Being brought up in a house with a stepfather from a part of the world that taught him non-heterosexualty wasn’t an option, I never really felt safe in my convictions. But I ALWAYS felt illigitimate. And…[Read more]

    • This is hard to really think about. I, too, tell minor lies all the time for no reason in particular and every now and then am totally panicked by it. It’s that vague feeling of something terrible on the horizon I think? Or that I deserve something terrible, or am seeking something terrible.

      This piece is reassuring though. Partly that I’m not…[Read more]

    • Lizz replied 2 weeks ago

      So. Good

    • Really brave, Rachel. Keep doing you.

    • Sade replied 2 weeks ago

      This piece was so raw and honest I felt absolutely gutted when I finished reading. Thank you for sharing this.

    • I don’t know how I missed this when it was first published but wow this is so good. Thank you.

  • Found during the real-life process of searching for images for this article. All images are courtesy of Shutterstock.












    • I’m looking at the series of images of this post on my phone and I’m like, “well that escalated quickly!” Funny thing is that my period functions the same way.

    • wow, that took an unexpected turn

    • do stock photographers think menstruation = epic fantasy journey?

    • #6 is me the night before my period comes, only with sobbing. Damn it I never said anyone could take pictures!

    • Where has this been all my life.

    • that werewolf comment is the best! I totally sympathise.

    • This is amazing slash terrifying and I now feel less bad about having cramps right now because at least I am not a zombie-werewolf-demon-dragon.

    • The demon/hell/fire imagery really makes menstruation seem a lot more exciting than it is. Look, bros, it’s less burning and evil and far more oh-god-why-are-there-knives-in-my-gut-everything-is-sad-no-angry-no-sad-please-let-me-die/eat-this-chocolate-forever.

    • so i went through this entire post thinking it was 10 actual stock image results for masturbation.

      note: it didn’t make things any better.

    • I was not prepared for how utterly ridiculous these were going to get. Also I want a fire breathing dragon friend. Please?

    • I want to see the collection of stock photos of women menstruating while eating salad now.

    • #7, the werewolf one is quite relevant to my week because I’m listening werewolf music and that one Type O Negative song and OVERSHARE it is my moon time and this Thursday is my 10th Menarcheal Anniversary.
      A ten year old is too old for finger painting so I don’t know what to get my uterus.
      Any suggestions?
      ( I think I’m kidding)

    • every time it seems like shutterstock couldn’t possibly outdo itself…

    • #8 is me at the office when the end of quarter coincides with my PMS and people did not get their reports done in time.

    • I think I used to share a house with that werewolf…

    • Have these photo taggers ever met an actual woman?

    • FYI my creative collaborator & I are trying to get some actual images of menstrual blood onto iStock for this exact reason. Our macrophotography is fine art with a quasi-scientific twist. If you’re curious to see our work, check out http://www.beautyinblood.com/gallery.html.

    • For a moment I thought I was scrolling through my tumblr dash…

    • 1. These are beyond ridiculous.
      2. I love that the post is tagged vapid fluff, because that’s exactly what we need sometimes.

    • I used to pretend I was Spock during his rapid regrowth on Genesis, because I figured nothing could probably hurt more than that, and if Spock could live through that, I could live through my period. It made me feel like a Vulcan warrior.

    • So, basically those who menstruate are evil beasts that practice witchcraft? I see. Who says menstruation isn’t the ultimate taboo???

    • My pale exterior harbors a carefully concealed #7 once in every moon phase.
      Total call back to “Buffy” when Oz comes out as a werewolf, Willow replies sth. along the lines of it being tricky to be around her three days of a month as well.

    • In all fairness I actually relate to half of these images when I’m PMSing

  • Hello there doe-eyed friend, this post isn’t safe for work, unless you work from home at your dining room table listening to NPR and eating veggie quesadillas that you call Riese-adillas because they’re just the ones Riese made for you last summer, like some of us. Moving on, do you have sex? What kind of sex do you have? What kind of sex are you…[Read more]

    • I have so many feelings right now, including: pride, disgust, delight and intrigued-ness. Is there a noun for intrigue as in the sensation? I don’t care, y’all are heroes, all of you.

    • I’m trying to imagine the logistics of this, and I just cannot.

      Would one have to point their toes and kick? That just makes me think of ballerinas for some reason. I wonder if there are ballerinas in the world who have done this? Did they keep the pointe shoes on or off?

    • This reminds me of that episode of Six Feet Under where Claire stole that person’s foot for some reason.

    • Rachel: They’d have to have literally just come from getting a pedicure.

      I feel like there’s a joke somewhere in here about having just come from a pedicure with the intent to make someone else come from their pedicure.

    • as i was reading this, all i kept thinking was i feel very strongly that kate moseley and doug dorsey would have totally engaged in toeing as a serious part of foreplay…in case you were wondering what having a brain that developed watching too many 90s movies is like.

    • This is A+, right? Like, my boss and coworkers can’t see this, I think…right?

      Oh well, here goes: I tried this once! On request from a former partner. I didn’t really have a name for it, though. They were just like, I want to try this weird thing. Is that cool? and I was like, OK, I guess. Whatever. Why not? It was much like Riese’s…[Read more]

    • Sitting at the car repair shop laughing my ass off at the convo. I love this place. Happy Friday=)

    • So I read the title of this at work, but that it was unwise to read it then. I spent the whole car ride home trying to figure out what toeing might be and jokingly thought it might have something to do with putting your toe in someone’s vagina. Never did I think this was actually what this entire conversation was going to be about. But it was…[Read more]

    • I read this while laying next to my sleeping wife and it was REALLY HARD not to wake her with my laughter

    • Two of my sorta-friend-ish people were in a hot tub with a bunch of other people and some toeing went down. Everyone was naked, but I was fully clothed and outside of the hot tub because I wanted no part of that awful soup. Woman A stretched her leg and Woman B started yelling, “It’s going in! It’s going in!” We didn’t know what she was talking…[Read more]

      • Thank you for this toeing-affirming story! Maybe we should have tried it in a hot tub. I feel like hot tubs make everything sexier. Also more full of bacteria stew. Eww. Toeing and bacteria stew…

    • If anyone had any doubts about getting an A+ subscription, I’m pretty sure this will have them.

    • “Riese: Then you think, “It’s so funny. We’re toeing.” It’s funny and then you laugh and feel happy. I just want to say that I think there are things people do to be turned on, and then there are things that people do just because we only live once.

      Rachel: Isn’t that sort of the message of Love Actually, when you think about it?”

      this is…[Read more]

    • Okay, so I was in a really crummy mood, and then I read this and laughed and laughed, so now I am no longer in a crummy mood. Many thank yous for that, you hilarious humans.

      • i have actually done this several times this week — was in a crummy mood and decided to reread the transcript of the toeing conversation to feel better. IT ALWAYS WORKS, much like watching Love Actually.

    • I love all of you

    • I hate Love Actually: +1 Riese point

      I have never been to the gynecologist: -1 Riese point

      I have never joked about toeing: -1 Riese point

      I guessed that Ryan lied early on in the story: +1 Riese point

      I’m just breaking even. This podcast/article is making me reevaulate my life choices.

    • I remember rumours at summer camp about one of the girls giving foot-jbs to guys under the breakfast table, but I’ve never imagined toeing to be like actual pebetration…

      And now I’m going to think about wrapping feet in condoms as I lull myself to sleep.

    • Feet kinda creep me out, so toeing is definitely not for me, however reading about it was totally hilarious, despite the cringing I did at certain points. I really love reading these conversations between you guys – educational and entertaining at the same time

    • Ok, but aren’t Hugh Grant and Emma Thompson siblings in Love Actually?

    • This kind of feels normal to me, but maybe because I read The Happy Hooker when I was 15? I think Xaviera Hollander was pro-toeing. #herstory

    • Oh. No thank you. My paralyzing fear of yeast infections definitely rules toeing out for me.

    • I am so glad you were able to salvage this from the ruins of your first podcast, even though all I could think about the whole time was that if you can get MRSA from fingernails I don’t even want to know what kind of nasty microbeasties you can contract from toe jam.

    • Rie replied 3 weeks ago

      Yeah, I try to be open minded, but I don’t think my toes will ever been clean from what a NYC summer does to bodies in general and feets in particular.

      Foot rubs as for/after/during/service play are A+ though.

      There is probably a foot-condom joke waiting to happen.

  • I’m on the floor watching Punky Brewster. Punky lives in Chicago, Illinois, with her dog Brandon and her foster dad, Henry. “Me and J.W. used to live in Chicago,” she says from behind me.

    I can’t believe anyone I know has ever lived anywhere but here.

    She tells me that after the Depression, lots of poor people moved up to Chicago in the…[Read more]

    • i really seriously love this and am totally not crying at work? anyway. <3

    • Love this x infinity.

    • laneia this is my favorite thing, you are my favorite thing

    • This is so lovely!

    • <3 <3 gaaahhh

    • This was so beautiful

    • I love this and I love that you really really know what and where home is

    • somehow my heart has found a way to ache for a home that doesnt exist in a place i have never been with a family i dont have and what a confusing way that is to feel. so yeah this broke my heart, but i mean that in the very best way possible because i loved every word.

    • I’m so glad Carmen and I are both not crying. I’m also glad I waited to read this until I was alone because not-crying is less awkward when you can be alone with your not-tears and not-feelings.

      Gorgeous words and photos and storytelling. You amaze me.

    • Wow this is very sweet and powerful. Made me think about home in a kinder way, especially while I’m (temporarily!!!) living here again. Also what are chiggers? Do I want to know???

    • This is so important and magical.

    • guh, everything about this is beautifully crafted and makes me homesick for the South on a whole new level (Sun Drop + whiskey, sweetwater IPA, the whole lot)

      • !!!

        i didn’t have a chance to talk about honeysuckles and coke + peanuts, but don’t think i’m not planning it eventually.

    • Reminds me a lot of how I define home too. ♡ beautifully written piece.

    • well, lemme tell you something this is one of my favorite things I’ve ever read/seen/eaten on this here website of ours.


      “This is where I say that now I know — that it’s taken me 26 years but now I know that actually I would go back. I’d go back for backyard vegetable gardens and tree showers and weeknight dinners at my sister’s and…[Read more]

    • This is beautiful.

    • Dear Laneia,

      This is beautiful and you are beautiful.


    • i grew up in the foreign service and sometimes i feel like my home is everywhere and a lot of the time i feel like it’s nowhere but then a couple weeks ago i dropped everything and drove out to colorado and my heart started aching a little less and i think maybe right now home is here.

    • I saw this on my commute home, stopped at a park to to practically devour this slice of home you’ve shared with us (hello, peach everything). What a wonderful, beautiful, honest look at your heart and home, Laneia.

    • I have a weekend trip to Tennessee next month, and I had not been looking forward to it, but this is making me feel a lot more cheerful about it! It was a wonderful essay.

    • Wow. The timing of this is impeccable. I might stay away forever, but I can’t stop knowing the difference in the weight of the fortuitous and sad country crock containers. Or what real rain is. I’m not even from the south, just the diasporic microcosm of my grandparents house. Sigh. Thank you.

    • Peach ice cream will always remind me of visiting my grandma in Kentucky during summer. We would eat lots of it together and go to antique stores. At night we would eat popcorn and watch movies or talk. I especially loved when there were thunderstorms.

    • I love everything about this and you.

      Also, a cat named Les Paw <3

    • SIGH. That was *quite* a last sentence!

    • This is so lovely. Just wonderful.

    • This is the perfect thing to read as I sit here, thousands of miles from anyone and anywhere I’ve ever called home. <3

    • This is beautiful and wonderful and perfect.

    • I can’t even put into words everything that this essay made me feel. From the very first photo to the second to last paragraph that made me start crying real hard, I recognized home in these beautiful words and pictures. I love Tennessee so much. I used to want to leave. I had dreams of California, Florida, Oregon. But the longer I’m here, the…[Read more]

    • thank you so much, supportive lovely humans! writing this piece was like puking up my guts so i really appreciate that you’ve enjoyed it, and that you’ve taken the time to say so. really really really!

    • Oh my.

      I have SO much to do today but I was just hypnotised by this piece and read it through twice. My clients can all just…wait. What a beautiful celebration of All The Tiny Things. The tree shower thing just made my heart swell up (and copy and post it to my partner…we have something similar here in the Pennines) and who knew there was a…[Read more]

    • Thank you, Laneia. So, so beautiful. I tried to savor every word because I didn’t want it to end.

    • Well goddamnit Laneia

    • so.perfect.

    • This was beautiful. You are wonderful. <3

    • This is really fantastic. As everyone else has said, it is beautiful, you are beautiful and I really loved reading it today.

    • I keep coming back to read this and look at the pictures over and over again. This is so beautiful. I’ve never felt wanderlust about the South before, and this made me crave tree showers.

      This also made me ache for a place to call home, which I haven’t found yet.

      You’re incredible. <3

    • This is one of the best pieces I’ve ever read on this site.

      Strange to feel nostalgic for I place I’ve never been.

      Thank you.

    • i’ve come back to this several times already and i know i’ll come back to it again and again as i long for home and as i find it. it was beautiful / thank you.

      also i find your habit of taking pictures of megan while she is sleeping and posting those pictures on autostraddle really amusing so keep up the good work w/r/t that.

    • This was so moving and great. I just spent a weekend in the wilderness which made me dearly homesick for the back roads, tree showers and mushroom forests of Michigan. I’m not quite ready to move back yet, but I’m sure I will some day.

    • I love this and the photos were beautiful.

    • This made me want to move back to Tennessee and I’ve never lived anywhere near it! Haha, but actually since I’ve reluctantly moved back to Phoenix I’ve been able to appreciate it so much more than I did when I was obsessed with living anywhere but here. That wet dirt rain is my youth, and release from that “dried up dusty broiling hell-oven on…[Read more]

    • I’m very glad that I finally set aside the time I wanted to give to this. This is very, very lovely, and beautifully put together. The second time I read it I got drawn deep into every word and picture and it felt like a great long cuddle to the heart, and the suspension of all else.

    • I’m so late to this beautiful party but I have to comment anyway. This is so beautiful. The “tree showers” part made my heart smile.

      It also makes me really wish I could visit my grandparents house again. I can’t, because it was sold after they died almost 20 years ago, but I still remember exactly how it looked and all my favorite places in it…[Read more]

    • i came back here to tell you how much i loved this piece
      i read it at the airport right before a trip home
      it was quite perfect

  • So far this week I’ve convinced myself that I’m both perimenopausal and possibly pregnant, as well potentially allergic to the inside of my own nose. Here are the stories we missed while I was googling symptoms!

    + Your fucking bougie almonds are killing salmon and honeybees and contributing to the drought in California. Nice job…[Read more]

    • The only person I know who would be as excited at the Fingersmith adaptation as I am is my ex, so thank you for also being excited about it. Anyone who is not my ex and wants to fan[choose your gender] about Korean Fingersmith feel free to message me.

      • I’ve been freaking out about it since I first heard about it this morning! I love that books so much! And I like the idea of setting it in another time and place rather than just redoing the book because the miniseries was excellent and pretty faithful already. It’s such a good plot that it can stand being adapted to many different settings and…[Read more]

    • LAVERNE COX IS GOING TO BE IN FAKING IT! omigod I am so excited. Also, my girlfriend really made rotating weeping angels her background and I would freak people out in my Web Development class whenever I used her laptop.

    • For some reason “fucking bougie almonds” made me LOL. Also LAVERNE COX ON FAKING IT.

    • Laverne Cox is awesome, but even she isn’t enough for me to return to the insult Faking It became. I suspect she was cast for season 2 at least partly in an attempt by whoever is in charge of that to give more lgbtq cred to the show after how much justified disappointment its first season evoked. (As articulately expressed in this article by Trish…[Read more]

    • I am pretty excited about True Trans it looks very good, though I wish it was on a larger network besides AOL(I would say I didn’t know AOL was still around, but their office is down the street from my home). It be nice to see other trans and genderqueer stories.

    • Fingersmith is also getting a more straight-up page-to-stage adaptation at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival next year…. yee!

    • Someday I’m going to name a cat after Ingeborg Boxhammer.

    • I think I’ll just be perpetually bitter about this, but the list of the seven really brave southern college campuses is a load of it. They’re not brave so much as they have a lot of funding and they decided to support the queer kids at the school. Don’t get me wrong- that’s super awesome of them to spend a portion of their budget on a population…[Read more]

    • So excited for Laverne Cox on Faking It! Yay!

      Also, are you crazy? Don’t use that background! Don’t you know that which hold the image of an angel becomes itself an angel?

    • God BLESS it, my girlfriend just got me into Dr. Who and we just watched that Weeping Angels episode.

      “OK, Meghan’s girlfriend, I will totally watch this with you, but I’ve heard it’s scary. You know how I feel about scary things. Is it scary?”

      “No, no. It’s a family show! It’s for all ages!”

      I HATE IT. I HATE IT. IT WAS AWFUL AND…[Read more]

      • they’re one of the scariest. to me, though, the scariest are the clockwork androids in the marie antoinette episode. have you seen it?

    • I LOVE LAURA JANE GRACE I’M SO EXCITED FOR TRUE TRANS AGHHH!! Whew, glad I got all of that out of my system. Also – Korean Fingersmith?? YAY

    • Wait. Maybe pregnant? CONGRATS! =) Babies ♥

      I love the spider monkey, too cute!

    • The Rolling Stone article on homeless LGBTQ teens equally breaks my heart and terrifies me. I don’t think I’ll come out to my parents until two weeks before the wedding, if I ever get married.

      • I know right? And they do make a good point about the “it’s getting better”-thematic – it crossed my mind before. And it’s so, so, so horrifying that even though “being gay” is now more socially accepted, the amount of homeless LGBTQ teens is steadily rising :/

    • I am SO STOKED for True Trans! Laura Jane Grace is my idol. I’ve covered so many Against Me! songs, it’s not even funny.

    • Christ, Laneia, that Weeping Angel on my newsfeed. Christ.

    • Park Chan-wook + Fingersmith adaptation?? I am excited

    • Late and I probably already commented on this before, but my headcanon is that Link is a badass chick whether she’s saving her girlfriend or best friend or princess Zelda

    • I just kind of skimmed past the title of this article and noticed the picture and freaked out for a bit, but after reading it thoroughly, I’m now very disappointed to find out that Laverne Cox is NOT going to be on the new season of Doctor Who :(

  • First of all fam, today is my birthday. I believe that Lifetime,  the network that prides itself on being “television for women,” decided to premiere The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Movie at 9/8c as a birthday present to me. And because no good deed goes unpunished, my thank you to Lifetime is to sit on my behind in my homegirl’s crib and…[Read more]


      I saw the trailer a few days ago. Seemed very meh for me, so instead I listened to a few podcasts from http://gobayside.tumblr.com/ where a comedienne and her friends recap and critique every single episode. Way better!

      Also, the actor that’s playing Zach is from “How To Be Indie” which…[Read more]

    • bra replied 4 weeks ago

      Happy Birthday, gurrrrrrrrl!

      I’m so ready for this! I have a big ass bottle of wine, my big ass “Olivia Pope” wine glass and opinions and feelings.

      So far: wtf, I cannot find my wine opener.

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        I seriously cannot find my trusty wine opener!
        *internally screams*

        I need to talk about Slater’s hair…just, why?

        • yo his hair is on some bullshit. like he just fell out of a pantene pro v commercial

        • bra replied 4 weeks ago

          Success! The big ass bottle of wine is open and I’m already feeling Lisa’s look for possible Halloween costume! WERK THOSE RUFFLESS GIRL! Side ponytail is a new want, damn my alternative lifestyle haircut.

    • Happy Birthday Gabrielle!!
      I love Saved by the Bell, so many happy memories growing up
      Also: I found the best Kelly Kapowski gif, but being technologically challenged I can’t figure out how to upload it :0

    • bra replied 4 weeks ago

      White Twitter is a thing now or we giving a “default” a name/color?


      • writing “White Twitter” made me laugh so i went for it

        • bra replied 4 weeks ago

          I love it! Because I’ve been saying that when I talk to my sister about the stark differences of what trends on twitter. The same event (Ferguson, ice challenge, etc) in the same space would makemyounthink these people experiencing it live on a different planet.

          But you know “objective perspective” and all but really it’s none of my…[Read more]

          • there’s a HUGE difference. twitter breaks open and cracks all down the sides racially like no one’s business. latin@ twitter, gay twitter, gay black twitter, crazy ass jesus freak twitter, shit is real.

    • Oh my beejeezus thank the unicorns for amaretto sours….

    • OMG this liveblog is giving me liiife.
      And btw Happy Birthday homie!!

    • I’m so excited I’m so excited I’m so thirsty I can use another drink. These grown folk children got me like Bey “I’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking
      I get filthy when that liquor get into me.” 20 minutes left to this something better happen like Zac’s eyebrows better shrink and Slater’s Jerry better curl…Smh

      • “slater’s jerry better curl”

        a better line hasn’t ever been written, boo. killed the whole damn thing.

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        Right?! During the breaks I would listen to a cheesy 80s songs that goes along with the feelings I have about this movie.l

    • Ummmmm can someone tell me where the parentals are because last I checked 21 has been the drinking age and famous or not my mother would have beat me until the white meat shows if I was drinking at a party and backing that a** up to Baby Got Back.

    • OMG!!! Kelly’s mole moved again. Someone hand me the gorilla glue I got this.

    • @lifetimetv loves to lighten black folks in these Unauthorized movies :/ #UnauthorizedSavedByTheBellStory

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        Omg yes, I saw the casting for Missy Elliot and Timberland and i’m like, wtf!?

        Colorism is a biiiiiiiitch.

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      it’s so weird how they found bad actors to play bad actors

      • they could have made this whole movie with the original cast and it woulda been the rapture.

        • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

          i feel like dustin diamond would’ve been totally down with that

    • Jay replied 4 weeks ago

      Happy Birthday! :D

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      y’all should read this article, because it’s funny

      • damn i feel spiritually ruined after reading that. i never wanted to know any of those things.

      • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

        what have i done

        • bra replied 4 weeks ago

          If you multipy Mean Girls and Saved by the Bell and divide it by Popular then add Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Differnent World and then multiply it with zero and finally add the Cosby show, you will understand my life in pop culture references.

          I’m such a Theo.

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      i am really glad that this is being told through the POV of the guy we don’t give a shit about! besides mr. belding. wtf was with that guy

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      also gabby i love you this is hilarious your cupcake is cute

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      there is not enough weed in the state of california for this movie

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        I finished my bottle like 30 minutes in but this right *here* makes this movie an experience never to be forgotten.

        I tell my sister about these queer women (and friends) online gatherings on AS and confused she asked why I howl like a wolf (I guess I sound like it or some shit). It is because the people, the community, my imagination and…[Read more]

        • we love you and will always be here to pop $5 bottles of wine, smack talk bad tv, bad anything really, and help pick out elaborate halloween costumes. we can also dry wall and pick up foxy queers and manage light-med housework. we’re such a catch.

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        Oh weed. Haaaaaah!

      • HBIC comment award win

    • Lex replied 4 weeks ago

      I lost my shit after “Jesus needs to take the wheel on this shit. He needs to take it and drive it off a cliff.” so glad I finished drinking my cereal before reading. Oh hey, hey this article is number 69 for you Gabby, pepperoni on the birthday pizza. Or the cheese?
      Also who the fuck does not realise that Zack was never a natural blonde, that…[Read more]

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        I am Lisa Turtle’s dissapointment…but it’s alright because we a saved by the bell!

    • bra replied 4 weeks ago

      Okay so I watched some of the episodes on Netflix, I can’t.

      The lady from Parent trap is there and I’m having emotions bc I watched Parent Trap with LiLo two days ago.

      Ahhhhhhh why is nostalgia so painful but…sweet?

    • the whole post is perfect, but this is all yeeeeeeesssss.

  • written by laneia and rachel

    “The app makes people do things they normally wouldn’t do,” she says. “It can get outrageous. I do like the fact that it creates these ephemeral experiences, but I also hope that some […]

    • Keely replied 1 month ago

      I still don’t really understand what this is, but I’m into it.

      Which is kind of how I feel about Miranda July in general.

      • Keema replied 1 month ago

        I hope my experience with this app is not going to play out like my experiences with her films. Hahaha.

    • I’m in.

    • I’m downloading this right now, even though I know that no one else near me will ever have it, so it’ll be pretty useless.

      • so far the closest person to me who needs a message appears to be an hour and a half away but i’m remaining doggedly optimistic

    • i’ve been trying to import my contacts for like 3 hours! I WANT TO USE THIS SO BAD UGH.

    • if anyone in curitiba, brazil needs a hug, I am there.



    • I downloaded this the second I got the email (because I’m an MJ fangirl) but it won’t let me import my contacts. Boooooooo. Any techiequeers about?

    • I’m pretty convinced that Miranda July is my spirit animal.

      • hey friend, I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but using “spirit animal” is pretty appropriative/a form of casual racism which is super harmful to native peoples. personally, I use patronus instead, cause let’s appropriate the fuck out of Harry Potter amirite?

        here’s some reading that may interest you:

        check me out, beautiful

        • cb replied 1 month ago

          or! kindred spirit. it is also okay to appropriate from Anne of green gables. maybe even advisable.

    • i need this right nowwww

    • I got a message and replied that I am ready now but no one has come up to me yet! I also got a request to deliver one but totally chickened out and said I was not available…oh Alley…

    • Dina replied 1 month ago

      iPhone only, wahhhh!

      • I want this so badly, but then I found out that it’s only on iphone, and now I’m really sad. Seriously, I want it so much! Put it on the Google play store, Miranda July, please!

    • this moment forever

    • I will download this just so someone can deliver a message to Rachel via me when I visit her on Saturday.

    • This is amazing and I want to be a part of it.

    • I’m torn between laughing, what even is this, and oh my god I want in. I think I choose all three.

    • Kenz replied 1 month ago

      I downloaded the app but all the floating messages are either really random or from several hours ago… Maybe when school is back in sesh I can walk across campus to deliver rather than what is probably someone’s house. I am not that outgoing methinks.

    • Kenz replied 1 month ago

      I downloaded the app but all the floating messages are either really random or from several hours ago… Maybe when school is back in sesh I can walk across campus to deliver rather than what is probably someone’s house. I am not that outgoing methinks.

    • Beth replied 1 month ago

      Donloaded. Now waiting on the edge of my seat for just *one* other person (NOT MY GF) in this tiny Yorkshire town to download it too and come bursting in with a message….


    • Fikri replied 1 month ago

      How is no one talking about how one of you is basically a laundry angel

      • The headline for this Onion article: Miranda July Called Before Congress To Explain Exactly What Her Whole Thing Is

    • Beth replied 1 month ago

      My contacts are also not importing and it’s driving me 100% nuts. Anyone have any thoughts on fixing this??

  • Hello there, what kind of sport do you play with a wombat, hm??? Oh yes that’s right, WOM. You play wom with a wombat! I’M THE ONLY PERSON WHO LAUGHS AT THIS JOKE and I’m fine with that. Here are the stories we missed while my youngest kid was getting strep throat and Mercury was pretending to be retrograde just to fuck with me.

    + In…[Read more]

    • cb replied 1 month ago

      I’m mildly embarrassed by the extent to which I laughed at that wombat joke. (I love bad jokes so, so much.)

      • !!!!!!!

      • Tam replied 1 month ago

        I’m not embarassed at all!

        • cb replied 1 month ago

          I mean, it’s not that I’m embarrassed that I laughed, but you know that awkward laughter when everyone else keeps wondering if it’s ever going to end? it was kinda like that.

          • Tam replied 1 month ago

            Yup! But like I always say, you love who you love, you laugh how you laugh.

    • I knew some people were going to complain about that Doctor Who kiss the minute I heard about it because people are that stupid. Vastra and Jenny have been on the show multiple times now and constantly refer to each other as wife. What do these people think lesbians do just hold hands? Bet they didn’t complain all the other times straight people…[Read more]

    • Mills College’s policy change is great, but anyone have a take on ‘applicants “who do not fit into the gender binary” are welcome so long as they were assigned “female” at birth’? Isn’t this just saying some genderqueer people are ‘really’ female, and some ‘really’ male?

      • Tam replied 1 month ago

        I personally don’t totally understand all-women’s colleges, but that’s because I was a closeted homoflexible queer who felt uncomfortable in women’s spaces as a teen and couldn’t see myself fitting in.

        Anyways I wish they’d leave it up to the individual to decide whether they want to attend or not, in order to not leave out an entire group of…[Read more]

    • Riese replied 1 month ago

      remember when i wrote letters to ABC to ask them not to cancel MSCL

      • Apparently Claire Danes refused a second season so she could be in films. The network didn’t have anything to do with it.
        Such a loss, that show was awesome.

    • Jay replied 1 month ago

      If that wombat joke isn’t funny or is wrong then I don’t want to be right! I love it, bad jokes make the world better :D

    • Bren replied 1 month ago

      OHHHHHH! I get it. WOM!

      That’s actually hilarious.

    • Hat replied 1 month ago

      The “think of the children” BS over Doctor Who gives me the greatest rage.

      • Beth replied 1 month ago

        Shhhhh! The children* must never know that a lizard can kiss her wife!

        *The saddos who complained.

    • Ava replied 1 month ago

      The fact that My So-Called Life aired 20 years ago makes me feel really old. I spent like the whole time I was home sick with mono my senior year of high school watching the marathons on MTV.

      Also I did not know people consider Doctor Who to be a children’s show? And guess what, I have kids and they see my wife and I kiss. So far it hasn’t…[Read more]

    • How did the wombat react to the joke?

      WOMp WOMp WOMp.


    • Beth replied 1 month ago

      I’m officially declaring the wombat joke funny.

    • Luce replied 1 month ago

      Six people complained about the lesbian kiss on Dr Who compared to the five hundred and fifty-six people who complained about bad manners/possible sabotage in The Great British Bake-Off. We have our priorities sorted.

    • I told my partner the wombat joke, she wanted to pinch me

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