• ThumbnailWelcome back to Transparent, where one family must demonstrate their knowledge of questions about history, geography and mythology and make the final Temple Run in under three minutes and retrieve a valuable […]

    • I need more of this show! Has it been renewed? This episode was really good and Len was awful.

    • Rachel your recaps really make my Fridays better.

      I wish my Amazon Prime free trial hadn’t run out so I could go look more closely at what it says on the Women’s Studies whiteboard. I loved that scene. I also want more Syd always.

    • I loved how Maura handled the Len thing- she did it with such class and such… humanness? Is that a word? I don’t know how anyone can be so kind when someone is being that threatening.

      Being Jew(ish) I felt super touched by the lighting of the candles. It reminded me of Janani’s poem ‘trans/national’ when he talks about his grandmother in…[Read more]

    • Linds replied 6 hours ago

      I’ve only read the recaps, haven’t actually watched the show, but I have ALLTHEFEELINGS about that Ali/Dale exchange.

      As a masculine-leaning genderqueer person who mostly likes masculine presenting people, including trans men, I would love to see that portrayed in the media (as it seems like Ali is/will be genderqueer and that’s a big part of…[Read more]

    • Another great recap!

      Ugh, Len was so horrible in this episode! One thing this show does really well is show just how awful transphobes really are.

    • Can’t quite get over how lesbophobic that scene with Ali was.

  • Well I’m tired of all my Halloween decorations and I’m ready for it to be spring. How’s it going with you? Here’s some stuff we missed while I was glaring at that pile of pumpkins on the table!

    You […]

    • such riches, here

    • Seriously Cartoon Network? Seriously?

    • Ah, I love these “Also” posts! I actually had never heard the broom legend.

      I could relate to the cat rituals of coming home and leaving, the belly rub part reminded me of this cartoon by the oatmeal (who is a hilarious seattle web-comic author if you aren’t familiar with him) –

      Regarding the south -…[Read more]

      • My experience of Washington State – you’ve got a progressive strip along the eastern part of the Sound and the rest is pretty conservative. Most of the people live in that strip, though.

        • The eastern side of the mountains is a lot more conservative, for sure. It’s like two different states: both politically and geographically. I actually grew up on the western side, but in a somewhat more inland/rural area.

    • I suspect that broomstick thing is a Phallusy.

      (can’t take credit for this joke…its a Terry Pratchett.)

    • I am soooooo tired of hearing that the South is the last hold out for gayness and that the North and West are pillars of safety for the LGBTQ community. I come from a Louisiana family, but grew up in NJ–and I’ve seen homophobia in both places. I’ve seen acceptance in both places. This idea that the South is backward when it comes to gay rights is…[Read more]

      • “Homophobia exists everywhere, in every “gay-friendly” city, in every “conservative” state. Acceptance is also found everywhere–north, south, east, west.”

        Cool fact about Mississippi; I did not know that.

    • You had me at “Joan Jett pants” but lost me again at “Hot Topic.”

  • ThumbnailYou’ve likely already heard about Emma Sulkowicz, the brave Columbia student who has committed to carrying her dorm mattress with her around campus for as long as her rapist continues to attend the school as a […]

    • Heads up, Emma Sulkowicz posted this op-ed about the event which is worth a read!

      • I like Emma’s thoughts about the pillows. I think people will carry them with good intentions, but it also might distract/take away from the intention of carrying the weight of a mattress. The red x is a good alternative to show support and willing to help.

      • Can the autostraddle article be amended to add Emma’s comments about the pillows from the article Kayla posted? Emma’s already had her struggle dismissed and misrepresented so many times. It would be awful if if this group effort based on her protest is contorted into something she feels misrepresents her message.

  • Annie and Profile picture of AmandaAmanda are now friends 4 days, 6 hours ago

  • ThumbnailCamaradas, welcome. We’ve got some serious business to attend to. But first, about last week, I swear I didn’t mean to stand you up but nothing gay happened on Grey’s. All of the gay happened on How to Get Away […]

    • I can admit that I was really hoping for them to make it at the end =/. Had me all crying.. shit good job Greys

      • i always cry at things, especially Grey’s stuff but I didn’t shed a tear during this episode. it’s like damn, something had to give. made me think about my own relationship and how careful i gotta be about making sure to include time for all the things that make me happy. otherwise, it becomes all about a shared relationship identity and that…[Read more]

      • Maybe I was just looking for an example of a happy relationship

    • I’m not actually mad that they broke up like I thought I would be. Cos this episode really actually made us understand that they’re better apart. I just hope and pray that Callie turns back into Badass Bisexual Babe and dances in her underwear and maybe fucks a hot doctor of colour yknow?

      • Ay yes, can you plz write that episode and bring it to Shonda? I’ll drive and make you some sandwiches bc obviously you’re my soulmate.

        if that’s too much pressure we can also just be frengs.

        • It depends on what’s in the sandwiches tho.

          (Lorde how much do I suddenly want to retrain as a scriptwriter so that I can make sure that Calliope stays rad forever and ever and never has to cry her big doe eyes tears ever again??)


    • I normally get the Final Decision based on the emotional arch of the episode but this time I didn’t understand why Callie decided on breaking up this time, which is why I didn’t cry, it left me a bit cold?

      I hope they make it in the end tho, if only for all the years I had to endure Yang being with the tiring as hell Owen Hunt.


      • I think Callie finally remembered what it was like to be herself. She was so caught up on being Arizona’s partner and also, never fully taking the time to process what they’d been through for herself, that she got super lost.

        Callie saw herself and what was she was becoming and didn’t like it. So she had to bounce. But what I think and what I…[Read more]

        • Your explanation makes a lot of sense. I think the problem for me is that the episode itself didn’t make me feel these feelings and that was weird. I’m used to Grey’s making me emotionally caught up with their shit no matter how many times they use the same tricks, it always works, but this time it just… didn’t.

          I do agree that their…[Read more]

    • I have a lot of thoughts about this episode.

      It was brilliantly acted by both women and they made sure to hit on all of Calzona’s issues. They also highlighted a glaring problem I have always had with this couple, which is JESUS CHRIST CALLIE, LET ARIZONA GET A WORD IN BEFORE JUDGING HER! Callie was jumping to all sorts of conclusions about…[Read more]

      • I’m with you. I’ll be surprised if Jcap doesn’t leave by end of S11. I think her contract is actually up at the end anyway so it looks like she won’t renew to me… but of course this is Grey’s and anything could happen. I hate the thought of losing out on a great lesbian character that could be developed a lot more.

        I also think Callie will…[Read more]

      • Ay, I think it’s time Grey’s sailed off into the sunset, you know? Like, give it a rest.

        I’m with you though about how much effort went in to this episode. Like I don’t think we’ll see Calzona again until at least Christmas.

        If they put Callie with a man, then I hope they bring in a new man cuz all the men on Grey’s are so tired. Like, Owen…[Read more]

        • Hey, Gabrielle!

          IMO, Grey’s really should have ended a few seasons ago. It’s been on since like 2005 and has lasted longer than it’s own spin-off, Private Practice. They are running out of shit to do which is why we are constantly seeing the longer running couples arguing about the same shit over and over. It’s gotten to the point where they…[Read more]

      • Wow finally someone who’ve seen this show like I have. Arizona has always been there for the purpose of Callie and I’ve always found it super annoying, like I have no idea who she is without the Calzona arc. I’m glad they broke up because I would love to know Arizona but as you’ve pointed out, it’s looking like she’ll get the chop. Which really…[Read more]

    • Callie said out loud (for the first time, I think) the world “bisexual”(twice!) and my ears didn’t fell off! Nobody’s ears fell off! See, tv shows? You can say it. It’s not that hard.

      As for their break up, I was sad, yes, but I was so tired of seeing them constantly fighting that I think maybe it’s better this way. Hopefully this will bring…[Read more]

    • This episode broke my heart but your recap made me laugh til I snorted.

    • Obviously this really means that Arizona never wanted to have a family with Callie and probs hates Callie for making sex with a man and getting knocked up. The best way to handle arguments with your partner is to assume the worst of them.


      • My biggest or only concern with the breakup of Calzona is definitely that they will fade Arizona in the background. As I said, the storytelling for that couple has always been Callie focused anyway. We have only ever had a handful of episodes devoted to Arizona that had nothing to do with her relationship to Callie. I don’t want them to forget…[Read more]

        • Completely agreed! Arizona has been kinda unanchored since well, forever, but probably especially after Teddy left. April and Arizona is weird, but that’s maybe just because I still don’t really understand April.

      • thank you, fikri!

        i’ll quit grey’s if this is the end of calzona. like there are ways to work through this. i also don’t like the idea of ditching a marriage when things aren’t working out.

        and you’re right, in retrospect, Arizona’s weirdness definitely had more to do with Callie’s history w Mark than with her being with a man. Callie’s bad…[Read more]

    • See my problem is I don’t accept the writers making Arizona be a cheater in the first place, so none of this stuff they’re going through now feels earned or real. Arizona cheating was a hack writer decision, totally out of the blue and out of character. And hey Shonda guess what? Not everyone fucking cheats on their partner after a few years. UGH.

      • YO YES! i never ever liked those cheating story lines. you’re so right, they never fit Arizona’s character. Just like, nagging and being obnoxious doesn’t fit Callie.

        the whole thing can just go to hell.

    • Ugh, I was so bored by this episode. Almost as bored as I was by the Owen/Yang endless I want a baby vs What part of “I don’t want kids ever” do you not understand endless loop.

      Speaking of, I got Callie/Owen vibes in the episode with the prosthetic for the wounded soldier so I would not be surprised if they went there. And hey, they both want…[Read more]


        • Don’t forget that Alternate Universe episode where Callie and Owen are married with kids. I know I haven’t. I’m going to pray that this is not where everything is heading. Owen has his own set of issues and I don’t think he’s going to be any better for Callie than Arizona was. He might be much worse.

    • I haven’t watched Grey’s since…umm…well, their wedding? Anyways, my lesbian newsfeed was wailing in angst over the breakup of Calzona, so I read this recap (which was well done!). My takeaway message is assurance that even at our lowest points, I’m in a healthier relationship than Calzona, so that’s good to know.

    • The Grey-Callie bonding was awesome and I hope that continues over the Hunt-Callie bonding.

      Also the Grey-Callie convo on gayness is so real. As the token biracial bisexual in my very straight white girl friend group I have in fact been asked that question by drunk girls. And I’ve drunkenly asked them similar questions to the same effect of…[Read more]

    • This episode was REALLY difficult to watch. I cried. It really bothers me, the lack of representation of lesbian relationships that last. When I was younger, my mom always pointed out that they never lasted, lesbian relationships. So I wanted badly for Callie and Arizona to work. I get why they didn’t, but it was still hard.
      It was just hard.

    • You’re awesome for being so not bias. Rare! Comical review.

      They need this break. I’m down for whatever hapoens next CUZ it has to be better than that toxic marriage.

    • Madge replied 5 days ago

      Well this caption had me chuckling:

      “Couples therapist by day. Linda Belcher at night.”

    • Lex replied 5 days ago

      Missed watching this episode and all of Shonda-day cause I was escorting my baby gay friend around Bourbon, where one should never be alone regardless of their alcohol consumption. Kinda glad I missed it cause I don’t think I would have been okay because Callie’s ending speech about “trying to constantly fix” hit me hard.

      Brought me back to a…[Read more]

    • - The gay that happened on How to Get Away with Murder was insane…
      – couples therapy looked a little scary
      – Callie interrupting Arizona all the time was really pissing me off
      – in fact Callie, with her baby obsession and the whole “you never wanted Sofia”, was pissing me off.
      – i would DVR the hell out of The Real Lesbian Housewives MD of…[Read more]

      • the gay that happened on HTGAWM was so so hot tho.
        and hi, please eat all the cheeseburgers forever. haha.

        have you been to camp yet? did we meet and i not know it was you or WAIT DID WE MEET CUZ I’M REMEMBERING…but maybe it’s all just a big blur of love.

        • I went the previous two camps and I was in a couple of your panels, the one about about biracial relationships was very interesting…
          Next time I’ll introduce myself
          Cheeseburgers forever!

    • I always thought Calzona was on shaky ground ever since Arizona got back from Africa, and I’m glad it was at least somewhat acknowledged in this episode. Callie was heartbroken and angry that Arizona had left, and when Arizona returned, it was like “If you want me, you have to also want me brand new baby and her father too becuz we’re a package…[Read more]

      • Again, as someone who hasn’t actually seen an episode since their wedding, I’m definitely on #TeamArizona for this mix. The issue of having kids is more than enough for a serious problem in a relationship, and I can’t believe anyone would want to badger their partner into having kids (without that being a dealbreaker).

      • I used to get trampled on on Afterellen for being Team Arizona. I wish you were there…

      • I’m 1000% Team Arizona. I think Callie really mishandled the plane crash situation and has always been a little too snotty super rich girl for my tastes, and I think it’s impacted her relationship with Arizona, who has a very different background (not nearly as wealthy, and full of trauma)
        I mean, Callie has her endearing moments, but I still…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailWelcome back to Transparent, the show where you get to feel every emotion on the emotion chart ranging from “confusion, sadness at Josh’s shirt collars” to “full on panic attack.”

    The emotion we start out […]

    • Dina replied 1 week ago

      Once again, you managed to capture all my feels. I love you, Maura, but your kids are THE WORST

      • I feel exactly the same way. I really like watching Maura’s story, but damn, those kids are so messed up. Especially Ali.

    • Madge replied 1 week ago

      There is too much feeling to comment on properly. Great recap. I think that chart is the perfect thing to describe my reactions to the show. I love how one minute a character can be so wonderful, then the next they are being giant arseholes – either by action or omission.

      Also glad I wasn’t the only one hoping for lesbian rabbi. There’s just…[Read more]

    • First and foremost, these recaps are the best.
      So the kids’ tendency to like, super casually reference the whole Rita thing with one another continues to confuse me. Shouldn’t they at least be as creeped out as I am?
      And I am ALL about day drinking but when there is a lovely older gentleman in need of assistance, maybe put down the alcohol?…[Read more]

    • Fun fact: that real estate lady (Deborah Craig) was in Unicorn Plan-It.

    • What trans woman takes Premarin anymore? Nobody I heard of was prescribing it even 14 years ago when I started HRT; the do-it-yourselfers weren’t taking it either. Apart from the ethical implications, it’s more expensive, and not supposed to be as effective as what people usually take.

      That said, I distinctly remember the day I first started…[Read more]

    • Ok something’s been bothering me. You know how Tammy’s weird about touching boobs? It’s making me feel like I’m weird about touching boobs. HOW DO YOU TOUCH THE BOOBS?- without evoking weird clown-nose references from Rachel? (Someone should write a post on this)

    • So, Tammy’s daughter-in-law, a WOC, shows up, and Sarah offers her the chance to be the summer help? That’s…..that’s….yeah wow. It seems Sarah has had the best reaction to Maura coming out, but that Alli is otherwise the least selfish except for the racial fetishizing of her trainer and his friend, and that…you know what, I think Maura…[Read more]

      • All of the children (Tammy’s, Sarah’s and Len’s etc) should be taken by Maura and Davina to be raised at the Shangri-La, where rules about loud music will be more strictly enforced.
        I really can’t tell which of the children is the most terrible by the end of the season. Josh seems to be the grossest but his molestation at least explains how he…[Read more]

      • As terrible and self-absorbed as all the kids are… you kinda start to see, coming in future episodes, why that is. I’m trying not to spoil things.

  • ThumbnailLISTEN UP GHOSTBUSTERS, you only have one week of Halloween excitement left before it’s all over and the world forces you to move on to Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s Eve! You’re gonna be a sad, sad […]

    • Frickin Pennywise goddamn.
      Also I need a front bumper sticker to warn folks that my involuntary reaction to seeing a clown cross the street in front of me is to accelerate.
      It happened.

    • i wanna dress up as this post for halloween

    • Oh my god, tiny cute eggs! ^-^
      And yummy Halloween food, too… yay.

    • WOOOW, rape free horror movies – you have no idea how much I love that genre.

    • Great, great article! I love Halloween and everything spooky!

    • Omg the eggs!!! Those are soooo cute. And all food things. The graveyard thing is so creative. I like the black pumpkin thing. Maybe I should get a foam pumpkin next year and carve something intricate for all the years to come. I did a cat this year. A dapper kitty.

    • Mer replied 1 week ago

      This list is amazing and spooky and my halloween dream come true.

    • KaeLyn replied 1 week ago


    • Lex replied 1 week ago

      Okay if I can get that Potions and Poisons cover over my Joy of Cooking I’ll dress up as Wednesday and cook something. Like those apples…

      Also the 15 female ghosts thing makes this obligatory:

      Chavela Vargas – ” La Llorona “ from Χριστίνα Γεραλή on Vimeo.

      If the embed is broken or what it’s suppose to be Chavela Vargas singing La…[Read more]

    • Rie replied 1 week ago

      This is making my day that cheeseboard graveyard tho.

    • Bren replied 1 week ago

      I don’t know what I love more…all of these great links or the fact that Laneia of course has an apothecary shelf!

    • Alaina replied 1 week ago

      I’d forgotten about Carly and Robin as the Addams’! HOW COULD I FORGET THAT?!

    • Omg Carly and Robin win EVERYTHING.

  • ThumbnailI made Hasselback potatoes on Sunday with some roasted garlic and a salad and HOLY BEES THEY WERE DELICIOUS. Here’s a smattering of 80 things we missed while I was clapping my hands together and giggling […]

    • It is entirely within the realm of possibility that my bedroom will soon be decorated with loo roll cats…

      • I saw a thing in pinterest where you can make them into gift boxes…wondering how my family would react come Christmas morning!

    • Ohh Rachel Maddow :)! You never seem to surprise me at all

      • Rachel Maddow is the perfect butch ….slice and dice the right wing…super duper smart….omg melty….babe. I would rip my heart out of my body and hand it to her on a silver plate…..unless she is vegan, of course……and if she is….I will grow soybeans and bean sprouts in the backyard…,and broc-cocoli for anti-oxidents and…[Read more]

    • E-Page proving once again that the short person can be the bigger person…and the most awesome person.

      (P.S. I say this from the lowly height of 5’0″)

      • Oh…..short people can be so powerful!!! Melt you and lead you around by the ear! I know, and I am 6′ and my sweet butchie was teeny. And so sweet. Was. Sigh.


    • Seriously, did you make David Hasselhoff potatoes?? That is very disturbing on so many levels! :P

    • I love Nadia Boltz-Weber so much, I loved her book (Pastrix) and I don’t understand why because I don’t do religion but it softened my heart on the subject.

    • !!! So many great articles on here! This is why I need Autostraddle: I’m horrible at finding where on the Internet all the interesting/well-written/not totally shitty things are by myself and I’m just very impressed at/grateful for this wonderful collection of links.

    • Thank goodness for that Rachel Maddow video to cheer me up after reading the NY article and Salon article. On a side note, I am pretty sure thanks to XM radio made my father a bit of a Rachel Maddow fan. I’ve yet to tell him that she’s gay as fuck, cause even right leaning people who have phobic tendencies need some enlightenment.

    • Oh that lady who thinks she’s bad at being bi needs a hug and a rainbow cupcake.

    • I feel I should point out that a lot of queer trans girls in portland are pretty pissed off about the name of the “All Jane No Dick” comedy fest. For reasons that I think should be obvious to anyone who reads a blog like Autostraddle.

      Their response has been predictably inflexible. I like Portland less and less all the time.

    • Ooh, those are adorable cats! I am not very craft-savvy, but I am cat-savvy, and it is raining and my cat is purring and I just finished off a toilet paper roll.

    • Also, I think an all-woman mission to Mars sounds awesome. (I mean, we’ve had plenty of all-men expeditions throughout history, so why is an all-woman mission such a strange idea?)

    • I love Rachel Maddow. I think Sleater Kinney’s “Youth Decay” is actually about eating disorders and about silencing ones voice, not actually tooth decay. Still, enjoyed her list.

  • ThumbnailWelcome back to Transparent and the episode where we’ll finally find out whether Gordon Ramsay’s new recipe for crab cakes is enough to bring this family business back from the brink. Just kidding, instead this is […]

    • “Are lots of people into having sex initiated by someone squeezing their breast like it’s a clown’s nose?” yea

      I can’t hardly wait to recap #9

    • Weez replied 2 weeks ago

      Boob squeezer here. I’m like a 13-year-old boy. BOOBS! I don’t know why. I have them and yet I find them fascinating. (There, I said it. I live it.)

      Ali scamming money off of Maura was definitely not cool. You are being totally rational! Especially because the show has made it clear that she gives all her kids plenty of money when they ask…[Read more]

    • I think Maura is actually a very bizarre name for her character. It’s an Irish name, derived from Maureen and Mary, not something a Jewish woman of her age would have ever been named. Religious Jew or not, I can’t help thinking Maura would experience some sort of dissonance how none of the women in her family or that she grew up with ever had a…[Read more]

      • As usual, I find myself agreeing with you. The “second adolescence” excuse for immature behavior has always bothered me a great deal (although it bothers me more when it’s used as an excuse for treating people badly). Yes, I went through a kind of second puberty when I transitioned, and yes, I had a lot to learn about certain aspects of…[Read more]

      • Yeah I’d always thought she’d picked Maura herself because it was the female name closest to “Mort.” I was so surprised to see it was somebody else’s idea.

    • I thought i was the only one who had some boundaries of things one can talk about with siblings/family members. guess we are bought prudes?

      • i always imagined that maybe it was different for sisters than it was for like sisters/brothers, like i have a brother i can’t imagine talking like that to and also rachel has a brother but maybe everybody out there who has sisters could tell me ‘no riese that’s not how it works’, i might be projecting because i could talk to my imaginary sister…[Read more]

        • I definitely talk to my sister about personal things – we’re close and we are similar in age, so talking about our lives, including our sex lives, just seems natural. I do leave out any graphic details, but I do that with most of my friends as well.

        • I might mention squirting though, to my brother, because it’s hilarious and kind of gross, in the way that I’d mention other hilarious and gross bodily function stories. We are quite close and very open.

        • Yeah I think it’s a close sister thing. I have like, a million sisters (5) but I’m really only close to one of them, and she knows all the dirty nasty details and I know all of hers. In retrospect that’s probably why we always feel a tiny bit awkward when actually meeting each other’s partners…

    • I’m really appreciating the Dig Me Out caption.

    • I was really upset that when Ali sobered up she was reacting so badly to Maura’s coming out, but her caked-on, completely-different-color face after the makeovers was absolutely amazing.

      Also that bathroom scene was HARD TO WATCH.

    • Rachel your recaps are really funny I love you

    • When are they going to stop calling Maura ‘Dad’? Sarah could not have been more tactless in the bathroom scene; you just want to tell her to be cool! Also, I think Moppa is kind of cute/similar to Muppet?

      • I’ve been thinking a lot about this… should they just stop calling her “dad”? I’d like to know Maura’s point of view on this, in my head it makes sense for their kids to call her “dad” but probably causes pain to Maura?

        • Just to throw in a trans parent’s input… I’ve heard trans people who are parents (I used to facilitate a support group for them) be all over the place on this subject. Some people truly don’t mind if their kids call them their pre-transition parental titles, while others come up with some new creative way of saying it (I think Jennifer Boylan’s…[Read more]

          • Just a p.s. to the comment I posted a few minutes ago, regarding your last sentence: my former spouse — my son’s mother — made it very clear to my son when I transitioned 9 years ago (when he was 15) that she would not under any circumstances ever accept the notion that I could also be called “Mom,” and would view it as a usurpation on my part,…[Read more]

        • In my experience, a great many trans women who have children — especially when the transition takes place when the children are older, or even adults — leave the choice of whether their children see them as fathers or mothers entirely up to their children. In fact, I feel strongly that it should be left to the children; it’s generally more…[Read more]

      • I have a friend with a parent who’s a trans woman, and he refers to her as his dad, at least to other people. For example, he’d say, “my dad is a woman.” I haven’t met the parent in question so I’m not sure how she feels about this, but he seems otherwise completely supportive of her.

    • I just wanted to say that I’ve never seen anyone else on T.V. look more like me without any makeup on than the Ali’s character. Seriously it’s weirding me out.

    • Rachel, this recap is awesome! I was really critical at first but it seems like you’ve really gotten into the swing of the show and I keep sitting here cackling at work while reading which is more than a little awkward. *Thumbs up emoji for you!

    • the question is, where is the tara reference actually from, buffy or true blood?

    • This show is really putting me through the rinse cycle, y’all.

  • ThumbnailThere is so much here I don’t think you’ll ever get through it all. Hope you have a snack and a water bottle! Here are most of the things we missed while I was crying because my precious angel computer STILL WON’T […]

  • ThumbnailFor Buffy fans, the show has already inspired every emotion possible, ranging from “laughter” to “sad” to “scared” to “very sad” to “gay.” Why not also let them inspire the feeling of “wow I have the best […]

    • these are amazing!! but I’d like to add that Giles is a really cute and great nerdy butch costume! all you need is an argyle sweater and glasses and to hold a mug of a tea and you’re good to go!!

    • This is exactly what I needed today.
      Also I’ve been needing a Halloween costume and I don’t know how I skipped over characters from Buffy but thank you now I have ideas. Although, all of the characters have long hair and I don’t anymore, but I can work around it.

    • … or you could just do Halloween Anya and get a giant bunny suit!

      • Or you could be even more on point and link to the correct image:

        • Bunny Anya is perfect for Halloween in a chilly place and Dark Willow’s a fairly easy costume too. Black high necked shirt, some dust, black pants and eyeliner for the corrupted veins.

          Still Bunny Anya is the best. >o>

        • I did this one year! Super comfy and warm, right up until you have been drinking and have to pee…

          It also included friends dressed in the costumes worn by Willow, Buffy and Giles in that same episode. I must have pictures somewhere…

    • Thank you Rachel! I’m always that person coming up with the lamest of lame costumes at the last minute, but not anymore :) I think I’ll go with Drusilla – I would wear the old-timey white dress anyway, so I just need to get dark lipstick and a creepy expression ;D

    • They’re looking good , I loved buffy so much long time ago. Thanks.

    • I love all these ideas and this feels like the perfect opportunity to spring this:

      Any other parochial school grads out there with the classic uniform? The plaid skirt, the the flimsy white button up, the boob obscuring cardigan. If you still got it now’s the chance to turn the tables and be a monster.

      Yes, my fellow Whedonites I’m…[Read more]

    • Man. Now I want to do another Buffy costume this year. I was one of the Gentlemen from Hush last year.

    • Comfy and gender flexible idea: Get a Sunnydale High tshirt, put puncture marks of fake blood on your neck and be a victim! :D

    • I’ve always wanted to dress up as Faith, loved her, and people always tell me I look like her. I’d really like to dress up like her to see what would happen. Loved this, thank you for the post.

    • I always liked Willow, Tara, Drusilla, and Faith best. Never cared for Buffy. Great article, thanks for sharing it with us all!

    • Forget a costume, I want Bianca Lawson’s skincare regime. I’m trying to age like that.

    • I had a Whedon-themed dress-up 21st and I’m old enough that it was before The Avengers so most costumes were Buffy.

    • These are all really cool, but gender expression-wise I’d be more inclined to dress up as Spike or Giles.

  • ThumbnailPut down your goblet of Moscato because we get Callie right away in this episode, like in the first two minutes. She’s the crunchy, fresh out of the oven, cheesy half of a calzona. What more could we […]

    • Anyone else get the vibe that Callie plus Owen is going to be a THING? (please let it not be a thing).

      • Yeah… this was my first thought at the end of their cry-hug, too. And then I immediately lit a metaphorical candle to the altar of ShondaLand for that mess to never go down. If the U.S.S. Calzona goes down in flames and Callie gets in a new relationship- fine. If she’s in a new relationship with a man- ok. But not Hunt. Please please please…[Read more]

      • Oooooooh yes. They were a wee bit close there. But whatever, I’ll take it over this chaste and boring baby storyline.

        I really wish Maggie Pierce would be a lesbian (like the actor’s character on the short-lived Emily Owens MD) to throw a new one into the mess.

      • If that happens I’m throwing a cactus at somebody.

      • No, just no. I will rather have the whole baby storyline than that and I hate the baby storyline

      • During Owen’s monologue to Callie in the O.R. wash room, I suddenly started having this vivid flashback to the “If/Then” alternate reality/universe episode from Season 8, where Callie was married to Owen instead of Arizona, because the vibes between Callie and Owen felt similar during both of these episodes. I don’t really think they will become a…[Read more]

      • and i’m dead. whoa, damn, i didn’t even think about this. like owen & callie can’t ever be a thing. gross. no chemistry. and he looks like a lion.

        also, it’d just be as boring as the baby storyline. if she’s going to get with someone, couldn’t it be someone new? like an emotionally unavailable but mega hot firefighter? maybe Callie could take…[Read more]

      • UGH! He is my least favorite character on his show and if they keep making Callie hang out with him because veterans, I’m going to be very sad.

    • DR. LONG KISS GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      (Also, I won’t even tell you how many times I watched “Love Jones” on DVD in college. I won’t tell you how many times I just re-watched that final kiss scene now. Nope. Won’t do it…… “I Love You. And That’s Urgent Like A Motherf*cker”.)

      • i’ve based my entire romantic existence on that last scene. nina moseley/nia long is my forever dreamgirl.

        • HAHA! Nia Long has long lived directly in the middle of the confusing intersection of women I want to be like and women I want to be with. Sometimes my body and my mind just can’t come to the same conclusion, ok?

    • I’m dying. I love everything about this episode. Lol. Specifically? “All That She Wants” in the middle of this. Dr. Ginger Hunts moon cycle. Selena tribute. “All I want is a new toaster”. Dying.

      Le gente quiere mas!

    • So I get really frustrated about the stereotype of lesbian marriages not usually working out, and so I sobbed my eyes out when last season (I think?) Callie and Arizona decided to make their marriage work.
      I’m not okay with them going back on that. I’m going to need them to get their shit together. And I AM NOT AT ALL okay with the idea of Callie…[Read more]

    • Next time Arizona deals with Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. she should wear her white collarless shirt from Fred Segal. It’s her most capable looking outfit!

    • This was the episode that got me to do that thing I hate that my parents do which is yell at the TV as if that will change anything, the QB and coach cannot hear you dad. Nor can the linemen or the kicker.

      As much as Calzona can not hear me yelling, “NO! No new tiny humans! Get a cactus! GET A CACTUS!” and take my words to heart.

    • OMG you are so right, it it totally like that time in Glee where Finn convinces Santana that it’s ok to be gay. Also, the Ace of Base touch was genius

    • Thank you, Gabby, for helping me realize that the thing that has been missing from my life is a Professional Bisexual leather jacket.

      Here are a few of my thoughts about the episode.

      1. The fangirling over Geena Davis in the comments section needs to start right now!

      2. I absolutely love Amelia Shepherd. Especially after she told off…[Read more]

      • omggg please get your own professional bisexual leather jacket and then post pics here.

        • I will Second the request for PBLJ pictures

        • Okay, okay, I’ll have to get on it, I totally want one now after hearing you guys talk about it so much! (I’ve actually always wanted one, and I think seeing badass bi women like Callie and Kalinda from The Good Wife have only made me want one of my own even more.) I don’t always have a lot of opportunities or money to go out shopping for extra…[Read more]

      • I love Amelia too, have since she first showed up on Private Practice. Derek has actually always been kind of a shitty brother to her so I’m not surprised he stole her surgery just because he thinks the earth should revolve him based on the fact that the president told him he’s a special snowflake. I hated that storyline last season because I knew…[Read more]

        • I find it interesting that Addison and Derek were together about 10 yrs before they separated and now it’s been 10 years since Meredith and Derek met. I think it would be far more interesting if Meredith can show Derek the error of his ways and how he pushes people away with his ego, since this seems to be a cycle with him.

        • I haven’t gotten around to watching Private Practice yet (next on my list!), so I only know Amelia from the few times that she’s previously guest-starred on Grey’s Anatomy, but I also fell in love with her from the first episode that I saw her in, and my feelings were affirmed after seeing Caterina Scorsone’s spectacular delivery of Amelia’s…[Read more]

    • Oh! One more thing: I had a lot of conflicting feelings about the Bailey v Karev situation. I love Bailey, and I think that Shonda has largely abandoned her after giving her that ridiculously gorgeous husband, and I do think she is forgotten about by the audience and characters. BUT I also feel very strongly for Karev, because Shonda keeps fucking…[Read more]

  • ThumbnailSince our last voyage on the good ship Transparent, Amazon has announced that Transparent will be renewed for a second season! Apparently Transparent is currently the top-ranked Prime Instant Video series, […]

    • Rachel I am really excited for the day that you have your own show like Oprah.

      Also, the kill/fuck/marry Nicky/Poussey/Alex thing is so difficult it’s making me kind of anxious.

      100% on this recap.

    • This was another amazing recap! I’m so glad you’re doing these!

      But you missed my second favorite part of the episode (after “you weird old sad fellow!” which I’m probably going to use any time a guy is being weird old and sad) which is when Josh is there and Maura has changed and decided not to come out to him, but then she’s talking and…[Read more]

      • omuhgawd… the nail thing… with me it was painted toenails when i got home from a vacation, switched into my flip-flops and rushed out quick to the grocery store… only to run into a couple of cop friends. the side-eye was pretty intense…

    • thanks for the thorough recaps! really makes me want to watch/get access to the show somehow..

    • Rachel, I really want to thank you for writing these recaps. I have a lot of Feelings on this show and you excellently articulate many of my thoughts.

      Am I the only person who didn’t really like this show first but kept watching and at a not-easily-defined point just suddenly loved it?

      • I thought it was decent and had potential for the first few episodes but didn’t get what everyone was freaking out about. Now I do! So I hear you.

  • ThumbnailI can’t say that you’ve definitely ever had a crush on Gillian Anderson — I mean it’s possible you haven’t — but probably you haven’t been able to ignore the cultural impact that she and/or her characters have […]

  • ThumbnailDID YOU SEE THE BLOOD MOON?? I didn’t because I was sound asleep, probably having that dream where all the spiders I’ve ever killed come back to life and are 30 times larger than normal and I can’t scream out loud […]

    • You don’t even understand how disappointed I am that I missed the blood moon. I have desperately wanted to see an eclipse from when I was about half the height I am now, and I have so far missed the few that have come along since. Every time. It’s not even like I was doing anything important–I was literally sitting at my desk this morning when…[Read more]

    • I was up to see the blood moon this morning, but it was too cloudy. Missed the last one for the same reason. :(

    • that Elizabeth Allen piece was pure trash, but on the plus side, Mallory Ortberg is a goddamn gem

      • My life has improved dramatically since I started following Mallory Ortberg on Twitter.

    • Too cloudy for the blood moon here but I will take that Bechdel info and reference the hell out of it in my MA thesis. Thanks again AS, you’re the big queer gift that keeps on giving.

  • ThumbnailIt’s our first food list of October! You know what that means:

    Time for PUMPKIN, my little gourds. I had my first-ever pumpkin spice latte today and I’m going to be honest, I don’t really get what you guys […]

  • This morning the Supreme Court officially declined to rule on five pending same-sex marriage cases from Indiana, Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, and Wisconsin. This means that the lower court rulings in these cases will […]

    • I just don’t understand how they can justify American equality being determined on a state by state basis.
      I mean I’m sure someone up there has some lame precedent for it or some stupid legal explanation but I’m just gonna sit here and pout for a minute while Texas stays in the friggin dark ages. #RUDE #YouSoBasicSupremeCourt

    • Any idea what this means for Florida

    • I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that Kansas is on this list. We’re part of the 10th circuit, true, but this seems to jump ahead of how much the majority of people here can accept. It’s good news, but I agree with the Notorious RBG–it is healthier for social change to be voted upon rather than dictated by the high courts. (Though that…[Read more]

      • I agree that a slower approach is more politically effective, but it is also an essential principle that legal rights are not subject to a popular vote. If you are a citizen you get the full slate of rights, period. If slavery and bans on interracial marriage were subject to popular vote, they’d still be legal in some states.

        • I absolutely agree with you, this right should not be up for a vote. I was in Maine when the peoples’ veto went through, and that was gutting personally and socially. However, the court is also highly political, and any case dealing with same-sex marriage would inevitably be a 5-4 ruling hinging on the vote of Justice Kennedy. Under those…[Read more]

      • I don’t believe that a slow approach is better. I agree with Northern-Barnarian’s sentiment that if everything was left up to democracy, that there would be a lot more legalized racism but not with the hedging part that its more politically effective. Sometimes the best way to get people to accept change is to change things for them and then have…[Read more]

    • I am happy this may lead to marriage equality in my state, west virginia, I honestly thought we would be one of the last states to see it!

    • I read that the UCC is suing a state (that I can’t remember right now) for banning same-sex marriage, since it violates their religious freedom to allow all to marry. I’m really interested to see how that goes, since these states so often say the ban is a protection for religious freedom…What are you going to do now, government? HA! We are well…[Read more]

    • My guess is that behind the scenes politics of the court were exceedingly interesting on this one. The four most liberal justices (Thomas, Alito, Scalia, and Roberts) likely would have voted to take the cases if they thought they had the votes to rule against marriage equality, but they don’t, so they would’ve been no votes. What would be…[Read more]

      • “The four most liberal justices (Thomas, Alito, Scalia, and Roberts) likely”

        No, no, no. Those are the four most conservative.

        • Based on the context, that looks like just a typo, since she goes onto to say that they would prefer an outcome where the rights of same-sex couples were not upheld.

        • Ah, yeah. sorry. typo. those are definitely the conservative crazies.

      • Another reason the justices may not have granted cert is the broad agreement amongst the circuit rulings in the five cases. Often, ‘controversial’ social issues will not be taken up by the court until there is a conflict between two different circuit court rulings. There is (unfortunately for us), an incentive for the courts to avoid making…[Read more]

        • Yeah, I definitely agree that a desire for legitimacy is playing a major role in their decisions nowadays. Even just this past term, there was a huge number of cases issued unanimously or nearly unanimously, even on some major issues like the abortion buffer zone case. I think Roberts is pushing like crazy behind the scenes to increase public…[Read more]

    • While I’m frustrated and disappointed that marriage is not being addressed at the national level, I’m relieved beyond measure that the issue is finally settled in my home state of Wisconsin.

      This will make a big difference for me and a lot of people in my life!

    • One of the reasons why they did this because all the lower circuit courts have all ruled on the equality side, unless one of the other courts disagrees thats when they will hear the case.

    • Don’t get too happy too fast. I live in South Carolina, and two hours after this was announced, our AG said he plans to continue to defend the ban in the state constitution.

      • Yeah, but that will be very quickly appealed to the Circuit Court that already ruled in favour of marriage equality. The Circuit Court will have to overrule the ban. The AG may ignore that, but that could lead to SCOTUS taking up the case next term if the state government refuses to fall in line with the Circuit Court’s orders.

    • There is still one circuit court that hasn’t ruled: the 6th circuit. A few weeks ago RBG said that SCOTUS wouldn’t pick up a marriage case unless there was a disagreement. The 9th, 10th,4th, and 7th circuits all ruled in favor of marriage equality, each of them citing US v Windsor. The uniformity of legal interpretation does not necessitate SCOTUS…[Read more]

    • I’m happy that marriage equality is being determined on a state-by-state basis. Nearly everyone in my family is a Republican, and they are quick to complain about federal laws that they think should be left to the state or local governments. If Obama signed a federal statute legalizing gay marriage, they would complain about “Washington socialist…[Read more]

      • Yea, Jim Crow laws were never going to get thrown out without a sweeping federal lawsuit. Public opinion is on our side the last couple of months have proven that we can get marriage state by state or circuit by circuit.

        I’d like the supreme court to give sweeping decision against conversion therapy.

    • Man, conservative Sooner fans must think it’s the end times. First OU loses to TCU, now the gays are going to be getting married in Oklahoma. I almost wish I was back home to experience this.

  • ThumbnailThis is the second recap of the gay parts of the eleventh season of Grey’s Anatomy, aka Shonda Rhimes Night: Act One.


    We should do one of two things. Either, we play a drinking game where for every […]

    • Two things:

      1. Dr. “See You At The Crosswords” Pierce- BONE THUGS 4 LYFE, YO! I laughed so hard, so so so so hard.

      2. The Mortal Kombat reference was everything.

      Ok, three things. The third being that you are hilarious and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next week. Episode 5- aka the end of the month- is supposed to be Calzona…[Read more]

    • Ok so am I the only one that noticed some flirty chemistry between Dr.Pierce and Dr.(little sister) Sheppard?

      Probably not because they’ve already reached their mainstream TV lesbian quote, but hey, a femme can dream!

      • Totally

      • Ahh yes! When Amelia said something along the lines of “I haven’t had sex in firever”, and maggie agreed my first thought was “..oh..I wonder what you guys could do to fix that for each other.”

        Plus, Amelia is already my favorite character after Callie.

        For me, Maggie is queer until proven otherwise.

      • yo i am gonna keep my eyes on this development and report back next week w what i find. thanks for this. y’all are the real sleuths of finding the hidden lez in this show.

    • Kelly McCreary (Pierce) played a series-regular gay surgical intern on Emily Owens, MD, the short-lived Mamie Gummer series on the CW in 2012,…but maybe that’s too far of a stretch to count as a “gay part” of season eleventy one of Grey’s? Either way, I like her.

      • I tried watching that show but it just didn’t do it for me

      • See, in my mind she’s playing the same character. It didn’t even cross my mind that she wasn’t gay. Now I just need her to hook up with baby Shepherd. Because hello, Caterina Scorsone and Kelly McCreary are beautiful together!

    • - I am totally down for the official Grey’s Anatomy Gay Parts drinking game
      – mortal kombat reference made me short
      – fellowship yes, baby no
      – I have been calling Maggie “Lexi Reloaded” but thanks to these recaps I learned her name!
      – I wish I could could take the time to try to sleep as much as a koala sleeps
      – your recaps are genius! Thanks Gabby

    • OMG am I the only one who finds the new doctor extremely attractive :)? So excited for this new season

    • I thought Callie’s side ponytail was very cute and made her face look especially gorgeous.

      I’m all for the Grey’s Anatomy Drinking Game. I will not be joining in the drinking, but I will do the part where we pretend everyone’s gay and come up with gay storylines for them.

      Since the whole episode was from Maggie’s point of view, we only got…[Read more]

    • Team Plant + 10

      Team New Baby -10

      Oh and I think I have an idea on what a calzona would be if it were a food. A calzone is a stuffed oven bread filled with salami or what, Italian cheese and other pizza-like stuff depending on region. Traditionally it’s crescent shape turn over like an empanadas and the crust is kinda close to pizza crust in…[Read more]

      • um can we make this together and create a very special grey’s anatomy Get Baked post?
        holy shit that sounds delicious. let’s get comment married btw bc food.

        • Hm I’ve done the filling a Natchitoches-type meat pie before which isn’t too far of a stretch from picadillo in general, and I’ve got the experience to be careful with something like the tomato sauce.
          Just the hard part would be the dough. I am a yeast baker, but every time I try pizza dough I end up with thin crust which in this case would…[Read more]

    • “Las únicas cosas que necesito en esta vida de pecados son yo y mi novia.”


      Also, rewatching the episodes with Arizona as a constantly high femme princess just tryna get by and stay cute makes every episode so much better.

    • Maggie just came at the wrong time for me. I can’t get over how much I miss Lexie and Cristina (SOBBBBBB), and Shonda’s had all these people come and go that I have attachment issues with all the new characters (so, I don’t really feel anything for the whole Wilson-era crew, either)
      Also, this whole surrogacy thing is weird because Ellen Pompeo…[Read more]

      • i’m also kinda bummed that they wouldn’t maybe try to add fostering children to callie & arizona’s storyline. like showcase another way to create family, you know?

        • Yeah, exactly!! Like, we get it, Callie and Arizona are SUPER rich and surrogacy is a thing a lot of rich people turn to when neither of them want/can have kids the old fashioned way. But Grey’s did the whole adopt a sad African orphan storyline, so I think it’s time for some fostering.

        • I never thought about this but yeah, fostering would be perfect for them.
          And now I Miss Stef and Lena…

      • Yeah, Grey’s Anatomy is one of the most difficult shows to watch in regards to having character attachment issues. Because at least every other season either an actor chooses to leave the show or a character is killed off for story purposes. Surprisingly, I’ve adjusted pretty well to the massive amount of losses, probably because I think the newer…[Read more]

        • See, I don’t miss George or Izzy at all. Both of them annoyed me so much ( Izzy the most). I do miss Teddy, although I wish she had taken Owen and his terrible American accent and dumfuckery with Cristina with her.
          I should mention that I do like Leah and I thought her storyline has been PERFECT. But beyond that, her peers annoy me.
          Also I kind…[Read more]

    • Am I the only one that REALLY thought they were eluding to the fact that Dr. Mags had lesbian Moms?!?

  • ThumbnailBefore we really get started on this recap, a few things! Previous commenters on the previous recap were super correct in pointing out that I assumed Judith Light’s character was the grandmother of the family […]

    • Erica replied 4 weeks ago

      This may be a silly thing to comment on, because this is an awesome recap and there are many actual issues of importance to discuss, but *sobs* Bagel Rising in Allston just recently closed. It’s now a trendy coffee shop? So I guess there just is no more good tofu cream cheese anywhere. Sigh.

      • Robin replied 4 weeks ago

        WAIT really????

        this is actually devastating to me, I used to live a block from Bagel Rising and it fueled my life.

        RIP, best bagels in the GBA

      • this will END ME. god this is the worst news since I wasn’t able to make it back to Diesel the last time I was in town. Is the Dosa Factory in Central Square still there at least?

        • It is! thankfully! Re: Bagel Rising, it’s the same owners but they completely changed and destroyed the menu. Tragically. I haven’t had the heart to go there since. At least Kupel’s is safe.

    • This recap is great, you are great, and I am really fond of how “I would donate to a kickstarter for that” has become the default way of indicating we like an idea for basically anyone aged 15-35.

    • Kat replied 4 weeks ago

      Broadly speaking, the concept of this show feels kinda similar to six feet under. The fairly self-absorbed adult children and the parent who wants intimacy/a better relationship with said children and struggles with loneliness. And all the characters are generally flawed and not always likable, therefore more like real people, which I enjoy. Also…[Read more]

    • JP replied 4 weeks ago

      When Maura declared that “$2,000″ a month rent was “cheap” I was like HA!

      I just finished watching the entire first season last night. Anyone else get really sad and want to cry at the intro music?

      “I really wish we spent more time in this scene and got to see Maura and Davina have a more complex conversation — even when we’re following…[Read more]

    • I know Mari and I talked about this in our article about Transparent, but jeez, that line “No, honey. All my life, all my life I’ve been dressing up like a man. This is me.” is seriously so, so, so good. I’ve cried every time I’ve seen it, every time in the previews, and again when I watched it.

      Also, I related so much to buying women’s clothes…[Read more]

      • Thank you Mey! I agree re: that line, I think that Maura’s scenes are really good, her lines are often great and Tambor is obvs a talented actor. I wish she had more screen time!

    • Can we talk about how Barb is played by the amazing Tig Notaro, and had exactly zero dialogue the entire season long, on top of having to bro it up with the insufferable Len in her only screen time.

      • YES. I think we hear Barb talking to Len a bit but we never even see Barb close enough to identify her as Tig which sucks because to me, that’s never giving the audience a chance to identify Barb as this human person with feelings and a life who is being fucked over by this whole thing. Like it feels manipulative to never allow the audience the…[Read more]

      • That is BONKERS seriously. What a waste of someone super talented. I mean a mannequin could have essentially played Barb in this scene.

      • I LOVE TIG and had no idea she was in this episode until the end credits ran and I saw her name, and had to go back to figure out who she was in the episode #MORETIG4ev

    • Great recap, Rachel. I also have no clue why Girlfriend is with Josh. I sort of like Girlfriend and don’t get why she would bother/glad she has decided to stop bothering.

      I have never been fond of Ken Marino so I’m secretly hurt that you confuse him with Rob Huebel. I’m not even a huge Rob Huebel fan but I think he’s really good in this role…[Read more]

      • ugh I’m sorry it’s such a stupid problem to have, but i am seriously incapable of telling white men in comedy apart. I also think every white man in comedy looks like Bob Odenkirk. It’s honestly amazing I didn’t think Rob Huebel was Bob Odenkirk, actually. I can sort of recognize Scott Aukerman but I usually need context to get it right.

        • I confuse so many white male comedians! Like, when SNL added all those white guys last year, the only one I could recognize was Kyle Mooney! And then with White Male Daily Show correspondents I’m even worse.

        • I can’t tell any of the white bearded men apart in game of thrones…. Which is to say EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER? Basically I don’t know what the hell is going on in that show, ever.

          • word. that took me forever to figure out and every now and then I’m still like WAIT which guy is that??

    • Riese replied 4 weeks ago

      this recap was sooooooo funny ilu rachel you are so good at captions.

      josh is the worst and i never could figure out how to tell those two girls apart.

      this recap reminded me of a time before i’d seen all the episodes and still liked tammy. no but really i felt like she was a good person to be there when maura came out, i wouldn’t have…[Read more]

    • I’m so glad you are doing these recaps! So much teevee is so much better through the Autostraddle lens. Thank you! You are so so funny! The captions are priceless!

    • Not enough Maura, too much Josh for sure. I haven’t watched the whole season but I am kind of afraid that they are going to imply that the children’s horrible behaviour can all be traced back to Maura’s flawed parenting.

      I can see how people would draw a parallel between Transparent and Girls due to the white Jewish upper class narcissist…[Read more]

    • I haven’t watched this yet (nor any of the other shows I’ve been wanting to watch. Gone are my summer days of OITNB marathons – now I’m lucky if I have less than a page of stuff DVR’d) but I’m really enjoying these recaps!
      Maybe I’m being judgemental because I haven’t in fact watched the show, but Josh seems like kind of The Worst of this show.…[Read more]

    • Why oh why oh why is Autostraddle giving this show any attention. It’s so horribly offensive.

    • This recap hit on 100% of my feelings.

    • I just finished the whole season and I cannot wait for you to recap every moment of it.

    • I’ve watched two episodes of Transparent, and so far I’ve cried during both of them.
      The first time was when Maura is trying to talk to her kids about herself, and suddenly she covers her face with her hands. That gave me such a sense of helplessness.

      And the second one was because of that phrase: “All my life, all my life I’ve been dressing…[Read more]

  • Wrongful birth and breach of warranty — that’s what Jennifer Cramblett, a white lesbian mom from Ohio, is suing the Mid-West Sperm bank for. I’m not a lawyer but something about those two terms felt weird. Here’s […]

    • I would like some compensation for being born to a white mum who has zero ideas about how to raise a Black daughter. Just sayin.

    • Leila replied 4 weeks ago

      I am so glad Autostraddle picked this story up. I was having a lot of conflicting feelings about it because on one hand, I know that its psychologically damaging for young children of color to grow up in all-white communities and I almost want to applaud the parents for “acknowledging their lack of cultural competency” (because isn’t that what we…[Read more]

      • after consulting my law school graduate sister, who seems less sympathetic than I am, she says the actual terms theyre suing for are probably picked on the basis of what would hold up in court the best based on precedent- not what is necessarily “correct”

    • I can’t even express how revolting this is, the idea that this child, a child, that their very existance is a crime against hese women, all on the basis of her color. It… it is repugnant in a way that I can never express. It is an inexcusable idea. And a grim reminder that membership to one marginalized class or minority group does not by any…[Read more]

      • The choice to sue for wrongful birth is a legal strategy, most likely selected by the women’s attorney to give her the best chance of success in court.

        Is the whole concept of “wrongful birth” problematic? Yes, of course. Especially when applied to the birth of a child of color, which is not at all the situation this cause of action was…[Read more]

        • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

          I was thinking this, too.

        • Excellent comment. It’s amazing how often we get high level exchange of ideas around here with people making thoughtful and eloquent points.
          Autostraddle has the best comment session of the internet, heads and shoulders above the rest.

          • Yes! This site is one of the few places that starts what conversations need to get started, and sustains healthy discourse all throughout.

    • Isn’t there something abhorrent and criminal about the fact that a predominantly white community is facing no consequence for its racism and bigotry? We’re all just like “well, you know, that’s how it is when you have a mixed-baby. White people are gonna be mean.” If that’s true and these “stereotypical attitudes” are reason enough for Cramblett…

      [Read more]

    • Kadie replied 4 weeks ago

      So I absolutely understand the racism in all of this, but the parents do have the right to be angry; they were not provided with what they had asked for. Granted, the race of your baby shouldn’t matter when it comes to caring for and loving them, but the “breach of warranty” part of the lawsuit makes perfectly good sense.

      • If you read the entire article your comment is addressed in the following paragraph:

        “But by suing the sperm-bank for wrongful birth and breach of warranty, these women are saying “my child was a mistake.” If they really believe that they’ve been wronged and need the money to move, why not sue for malpractice? Cramblett ordered one man’s sperm…[Read more]

        • Kadie replied 4 weeks ago

          Yeah, I didn’t read the whole thing. My comment was definitely addressed there, you’re right.

          It’s obvious that racism is at play here, though, and I think the parents should have looked at more of the long-term implications of their decision to sue.

    • What kills me is that this is so public, SO BIG right now that this child will read about this. This baby will be 14 years old, google her name, and find out that her mothers sued the sperm bank for WRONGFUL BIRTH????? Like, she’s gonna find out that her mothers thought (and let’s be real, probably still will because this is straight up racist…[Read more]

      • That was my thought too.

      • Chara replied 4 weeks ago

        I totally agree. That was my first thought (maybe because I’m adopted myself). How is that poor child going to feel when she’s old enough to read about this?

      • My thoughts exactly! Every kid wants to believe that they were a wanted child.

      • Pam replied 4 weeks ago

        She won’t have to Google her name; by the time she can read, the rest of her classmates can read too and their parents may know a thing or two about this girl — who knows? HRRRUUGH, this beautiful girl stuck with the WORST parents.

    • I’m really annoyed at the way this story is being spun in various media.

      If this were a straight, hetero couple who received the sperm (or egg) of another couple who were using this clinic – people would be outraged and freaked out. Media would be calling for reviews and regulations. There would be acknowledgement of the difficulties that lie…[Read more]

      • busy replied 4 weeks ago

        I agree with this so much. What if it was a straight white couple who was discreetly dealing with infertility? A mixed race child would require explanation and conversation about parts of their life that should, in all fairness, be a private discussion between a couple. If a white male fathered a mixed-race child because of an error at the sperm…[Read more]

        • Just saying, the fact that a straight white man has visibly not ‘fathered’ (in the most base sense) his child is seen as a source of embarassment, shame, or loss of masculinity is the byproduct of a shitton of sexism.

          Why should it be a big deal if your children don’t look plausible as biological descendants? That notion should be gone, not…[Read more]

          • busy replied 4 weeks ago

            I’m not excusing that or saying it’s okay and I am fully aware of how problematic that is. I’m just saying that if we were looking at a straight couple instead of a lesbian couple, people would be more sympathetic to the parents and would be outraged on their behalf, instead of just calling the parents horrible racists.

      • I don’t see anyone here saying that this was “meant to be.” The article actually said:

        There’s no way around the MAJOR fuck up that occurred at the Mid-West Sperm Bank and I’m all for suing the fuck out of this place for misreading someone’s sloppy handwriting – the real reason for this whole mix-up.

        There was a serious mistake at the lab and…[Read more]

    • Kathy replied 4 weeks ago

      There are some other interviews out there that get past the race baiting headlines including showing her with her daughter whom she obviously adores. The women were clearly pretty oblivious to the racism in their community, but they’re getting a big lesson in it now and are just trying to get funds to get somewhere their kid can have a better life.

    • becky replied 4 weeks ago

      This is such a disappointing article. I was waiting for Autostraddle to cover this because I was waiting for a piece that would be thoughtful about the parts of this story that are innately queer. Getting sperm from a sperm bank is not a gift that you should be grateful for no matter what. You pay a huge amount of money, you sign many contracts…[Read more]

      • Emma replied 4 weeks ago

        I agree, I was surprised that the discussion was so one-note and painted the mothers as horrible people. Donor sperm is chosen very carefully and family history, medical history and other things (yes, including resemblance to the parents) are all taken into consideration. To be given the wrong sperm after all that, I would feel betrayed and…[Read more]

      • It’s totally addressed though – suing for malpractice would be an entirely different matter, as stated in the article. That is NOT THE PATH THEY TOOK.

        • busy replied 4 weeks ago

          You are very hung up on the idea of malpractice. Have you ever ordered sperm? It’s not like establishing care somewhere. You don’t meet a doctor. They know absolutely zero about your medical history or you. YOU decide the donor based on the criteria you want. YOU sign consent forms and forms acknowledging that your child may be special needs or…[Read more]

        • Kathy replied 4 weeks ago

          They sued for what their attorney told them the best options were.

      • Turbo replied 4 weeks ago

        Thanks, Becky. That was well said.

      • “Additionally, citing to Wikipedia for an understanding of the legal claims being brought here is irresponsible. I am a lawyer, and I would never try to explain or present an understanding of legal claims outside of my particular field of expertise based on what I read on Wikipedia, or what I found when I googled the terms. Perhaps if you were…[Read more]

        • becky replied 4 weeks ago

          I appreciate you responding to my comment.

          I completely understand that you are not a lawyer and you do not have the background relevant to every issue you might want to write about. That said, this is a piece that is entirely about a legal complaint filed in civil court. That, along with an interview given by one of the mothers about the…[Read more]

          • Laura replied 4 weeks ago

            The thing is, though, like malpractice, wrongful birth also requires a relationship between a patient and a doctor. That element of the cause of action confused me because I imagined a sperm bank relationship being like you described: doctor-free. That’s not a false dichotomy: that’s taking the allegations and seeing what else can be done. Why not…[Read more]

      • Tango replied 4 weeks ago

        The article does not say the mother is a “a bad person for choosing sperm that would resemble her partner”.

        The author is commenting specifically on this statement: ““Why would I want [an African-American donor]. My partner and I are Caucasian?” to which she comments, “which indicates some level of belief that there’s no way a white mother…[Read more]

        • KP replied 4 weeks ago

          Because it doesn’t tell the whole story, and when you choose to cover news and politics and don’t frame stories as opinion columns, you have the responsibility to share those angles. Not everyone does this, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Maybe that’s just me being wistful for a little editorial integrity, but I feel that as a group who is…[Read more]

          • This, kind of. The article alleges the following things:

            1. “The parents hold unexamined racist views.” Very likely true, assuming the statements they’ve made to the press are accurate.

            2. “Their community is racist, and it sucks that no one can hold them accountable for that.” Also very true.

            3. “The sperm bank screwed up.” I don’t think…[Read more]

          • Pam replied 4 weeks ago

            To be fair, I think this angle, this lens of race is a necessary one for a writer at Autostraddle should be taking. It is possible for another kind of a article to comment on the queer reproductive justice issue here but to do so without even touching upon the implications of deeply embedded racist attitudes held not only by the mothers but also…[Read more]

      • Mezza replied 4 weeks ago

        I am also a lawyer, and this article actually reflected very accurately the discussion of wrongful birth that occurred in my torts class. We spent a lot of time on the harmful aspects of such a claim, and I think this article is an intelligent parsing of the issues involved in essentially declaring that your child is a mistake. And not a mistake…[Read more]

      • Alyx replied 4 weeks ago

        I second this, thank you so much for stating so eloquently the thoughts roiling around in my brain. I was expecting AS to present a nuanced look into the issues of the case, sperm donation for lesbians, and issues of trans-racial parenting. I really don’t like this depiction of the mothers as racist.

        My fiancée and I have been thinking about…[Read more]

      • This is a good point. Also its relevant to add that ‘wrongful birth’ is a heading of tort – this couple didn’t invent it, its just a bad name. There was a case in the UK where a lady had her tubes tied and then the doctor did it wrong and she had another baby – she wanted to sue for the costs of raising the child (the court disallowed it because…[Read more]

      • Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. Now I don’t have to rack my brain for how much was off-base with this article.

    • I’d forgot to add…

      Laws around the world are not written to cover anything like this. The legal system is playing catch-up when it comes to fertility treatment and other “modern world” issues.

      Whatever they sue for is inevitably going to sound extremely offensive, given that there is an innocent involved and the legal system is mostly archaic.

    • Cat replied 4 weeks ago

      So my first thought on reading about the ‘mix up’ at the sperm bank was that they had some valid reasons to be angry – people spend weeks going through profiles and medical histories, and finding out that you have no idea whose DNA you’re carrying must be really distressing in that moment.

      Everything below that made me realise that my first…[Read more]

      • Exactly, and it’s super shocking that so many comments in this thread are STILL standing by that first response.

        • Turbo replied 4 weeks ago

          Kathryn, it’s just a discussion. People are going to have varying opinions. Ideally, we would all be able to have enough compassion and awareness to empathize with both sides of the argument–there’s no way for us to understand exactly why the lawsuit looks the way it does.

          • I can empathize with the couple around the fact that the sperm bank fucked up, but I try not to empathize with racism.

    • busy replied 4 weeks ago

      I am surprised at the position this website is taking about this story. I fully support the couple taking legal action and it has nothing to do with the skin color of the wrong donor — it has to do with the fact that they were sent sperm from THE WRONG DONOR. I would imagine they would sue even if the wrong donor was white. It is appalling. From…[Read more]

      • As discussed in the article, they are NOT suing for medical malpractice. They are SPECIFICALLY suing because of the racial element. THEY made that the focus of the suit.

        • busy replied 4 weeks ago

          Yes, I know. I don’t think they even could sue for medical malpractice. They would have to go after this from another angle, which is what they are doing.

      • “These women lost control over starting the family they wanted. Maybe some of you here have never have the experience of looking through a donor list, never had the experience of looking for traits that reflect who your partner is and what your dream for your future family is. People select a donor based on hair color, medical history, shape and…[Read more]

        • bra replied 4 weeks ago

          Thank you, I just hate how this child’s blackness has ANY PART of this lawsuit.

        • busy replied 4 weeks ago

          Thank you for responding to my comment in a thoughtful and engaging way. I do appreciate that.

          I don’t know why I am defending these people so much. I just… don’t think they are bad parents and I don’t think they resent their child. I think a mistake was made at the sperm bank and they are trying to get someone to take responsibility for that…[Read more]

        • I can’t help but wonder how much of this is legal strategy, as well. They are bringing this lawsuit in the same small community where they are raising their daughter. If the potential future jurors come out of this community, then they may predictably be racially biased. It could very well be a chess match of setting up the facts in a way that…[Read more]

    • I actually don’t think there is anything racist about his. You go to a sperm bank and you pick out a donor based on his health background and how that will be compatible with yours. You pick his race, because people often want to see their child reflect them. I don’t see why us gay people have to be any different. You get less stares, people…[Read more]

    • I agree that if that’s the way it happened- the mothers had a choice of what grounds to pursue their lawsuit on, and they picked these- everything that this article says is spot on. But there’s another set of circumstances, that’s probably more likely. They’re not lawyers, and they may not have the educational background to understand the…[Read more]

    • As an egg donor, I totally understand why the couple would sue the clinic, and I think (as some commenters have mentioned above) that it’s important to think about this from the perspective of a couple going through IVF and the clinic fucking it up. HOWEVER, this is ALSO about race and racism, and I’m disappointed that some people are trying to…[Read more]

    • The comments this woman has made to the press in support of this lawsuit have been unambiguously racist, and the underlying argument of the lawsuit itself is unambiguously racist. And I think it’s heartbreaking to realize that someday Payton will be old enough to read the horrid comments that her own mother has made about her in public.

      • Anna replied 4 weeks ago

        I agree, that’s the first thing I thought of (what will Payton think someday finding out about this?). Of course they love her, but the way they word a lot of this makes her and the situation surrounding her sound like a burden in their lives (at least that’s what I felt reading their comments)

    • I’m no lawyer, but I think suing for malpractice would have caused the same stigma you are talking about with this lawsuit. She would have had to prove that she was injured by medical negligence. So which is worse, sending your daughter the message that she’s a wrongful birth or that she’s a medical injury?

    • sasha replied 4 weeks ago

      thanks so much for this article. it challenged me and made me think about my own biases.

    • David replied 4 weeks ago

      OMG! Commenters have this so right. The right of a woman to choose the genetic makeup of her offspring is one of the most basic human rights. And, yes, even racist asshats get those rights. Also, $50K??? Should be $1M+. This is some serious shit.

    • I think this family has a right to be angry about getting the wrong sperm. I fit were me, I would start questioning the practices of the agency and worry about whether the sperm is screened appropriately, etc. Because I am neurotic. What I feel is missing from all the coverage is this: is Uniontown really that cool with lesbian families? Uniontown…[Read more]

    • I was having so many strong feelings about this that I was having trouble articulating. Thank you for writing this. You said it all, and you said it PERFECTLY.

    • KP replied 4 weeks ago

      Let’s call a spade a spade here people. Straight couples who have children have the option of deciding who they want to have a baby with every single day. They make decisions about partners based on future children. Do they all? Maybe not. But many do. And that is OK, because here’s a phrase we don’t give enough importance to in Texas, IT IS THEIR…[Read more]

      • But good parents also sometimes do racist things. One condition doesn’t negate the other. If we’re committed to calling a spade a spade, why not name racism where it exists — even when it’s being carried out by people who may be good parents, or who we feel sympathy for?

        I also think it’s worth noting that racism doesn’t have to be “blatant”…[Read more]

    • Ka3L replied 4 weeks ago

      “This is about a white lesbian who was totally fine with her racist relatives and the lack of Black people in her life until she birthed a half-Black baby girl. This is how you can be a white lesbian and not be an ally.” This is everything!!!

      • bra replied 4 weeks ago

        I seriously wonder if they would have gotten this far if they found out they have gotten the wrong donor if the baby was white.

        • I don’t think the sperm bank would have confessed to their error if it wasn’t going to be obvious as soon as the baby was born, so I don’t think they would have found out.

        • I SAID THE EXACT SAME THING!!!! OMG I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought the same thing…

    • bra replied 4 weeks ago

      I completely empathize with this couple, it’s a hot ass mess! We live in a racist society with people who lose their shit with being called racist than actually being racist! This couple admits to their failings about race and if they could find the means to get compensation because this was not expected, I say sue sue sue sue! They are actually…[Read more]

      • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

        They found out about the donor mixup before the child was born…

      • busy replied 4 weeks ago

        Damn, Drop Dead Diva is such a good show.

      • NGL, when Tina first panicked about the donor I thought it was because she had not signed on to have the baby of a guy THAT massive. I was really sad when I found out that most sperm banks don’t stock the sperm of short men. If that baby’s coming out of my junk, I want the petitest donor possible.

    • Sarah replied 4 weeks ago

      Thanks for the article; this is the first I’ve heard of this story.

      There is a lot of fuckuppedness here – the wrongful birth and breech of warranty is so unspeakably wrong.

      And I agree that it is totally effed up to not expect the racist family members and communities to change. On the one hand, it seems like a cop out to say, ‘Oh, gosh, we…[Read more]

    • Beth replied 4 weeks ago

      So I have lots and lots of complicated feelings about this article/situation being a biracial person raised by a white person so here we go:

      In terms of the lawsuit, wikipedia is a terrible source of legal advice. State by state the requirements for a particular legal action may change, some states it may be harder or easier to bring a…[Read more]

      • Okay but THIS PERSON’S opinion is really important because it sounds like they have some in-depth knowledge of how the law works and ALSO they are a Biracial person raised by supposedly white parents

        (just going off of- “mine sure weren’t.”)

    • Weez replied 4 weeks ago

      I’m a few-times egg donor and I have to say I occasionally see related stories in the news and just think, “Oh please don’t be my eggs please don’t be my eggs.” In their small town I wonder how many sperm donors are sitting there wondering if their donation was the “wrongful” one.

      Regardless, a sperm bank is basically a store, not a hospital,…[Read more]

      • Weez replied 4 weeks ago

        Also, I can’t help thinking they could easily raise moving costs through crowdfunding instead of permanently stigmatizing their daughter. “Help us move our mixed family out of this racist town!” is a pretty damn good pitch. I’d chip in a few bucks!

        (Yes, I realize I’m oversimplifying. But sometimes it all seems that simple.)

        • so this is random, and not anything to do with the article. but I’ve considered donating eggs – is it worth it, do ya think?

          • Weez replied 4 weeks ago

            100%! You get used to giving yourself the shots, and I didn’t notice all the side effects I’d been warned about. Maybe just a little extra-PMS feeling for the 10 days or so before the surgery.

            Honestly the only part I hated was the recovery room after the surgery. For whatever reason you’re left feeling like you have to pee so bad your bladder…[Read more]

    • Kinda fucked up that you’re claiming racism here when there is none to be had. The mothers have stated over and over in interviews that they love their daughter very much. The issue here is that the clinic misrepresented their product (the sperm donation) and they want to be sure that the clinic is held accountable. That is all.

      • “I’m not racist! I have a black child!” hmmm what does that sound like?

        • Sounds like a moron. It’s harmful to claim the parents have “unwanted blackness” when that is not at all the case.

          • If they are claiming that they have been damaged by having to deal with their daughter’s blackness, which they have, then that is exactly the case.

        • Spot on Justina!

    • For everyone who wants to talk about how critical and intricate sperm donor selection is and how parents invest so much time and money into screening donors, I ask you one question: Would Cramblett and her partner be suing for “wrongful birth” if the wrong donor had been another white person?

      Because from what I’m reading, the entire legal…[Read more]

      • “the entire legal basis of their “wrongful” claim is that the child is Black and that her Blackness makes their lives more difficult”

        False. They had not prepared themselves for dealing with having a child that is of a different ethnicity. In terms of adoption/artificial insemination this is a very important part of the planning process.

      • I agree! If it had been a brown eyed brunette donor, would they even think to sue? They very well could, but would they?

        “Because from what I’m reading, the entire legal basis of their “wrongful” claim is that the child is Black and that her Blackness makes their lives more difficult.”

        YES! I’m really annoyed with the fact that as parents,…[Read more]

    • This is not the most insightful, intricate comment to make on this article and this issue… but as someone from Ohio (a much more diverse part of Ohio), who knows these types of 98%-white, p.o.c.-hostile communities…

      I hope that at least part of what each of us takes away from reading about situations like these is the question, “How do I…[Read more]

    • Hat replied 4 weeks ago

      This whole situation is just the worst. I read an article earlier about this after seeing a twitter link, (which according to my browser history was from the Chicago tribune), where one of the women claims her family haven’t “fully embraced her honosexuality”, which just to adds to the mess.

    • This is just really frustrating. Like, yeah, I think they have the right to sue, but not for what they’re suing for. The sperm bank seriously fucked up. Like, really, really fucked up. But it’s not a wrongful birth. A wrongful birth lawsuit says that if you had known your child would have a defect (and, um, blackness is not a defect), you’d have…[Read more]

    • Tia replied 4 weeks ago

      The breach of contract portion of the complaint has a good chance of success for the simple fact that the clinic did not give the parents what they paid for – be it a white donor or black donor, it was not 380. At minimum they’re entitled to what the clinic has already offered – the money they paid for the sperm. But, the fact that the clinic uses…[Read more]

    • Anna replied 4 weeks ago

      Wow. I can’t help but think about how she’ll feel when she’s older and finds out about how much her parents freaked out, and sees the language they used describing her and the whole situation

    • I think some of us may be missing the point: the couple is not upset that their baby is half black. From what I have read in the news, they love their baby very much. The couple is upset because they chose a specific donor, and purchased this sperm from a bank, that was inseminated by a doctor, and the bank or the doctor, fucked that process up.…[Read more]

      • Listen up, most of you commenters sound racist as hell, and you need to sit down, take a breath, and think for a minute about the real person at risk in this situation: THE CHILD. It’s great to empathize with adults, or something, but the main person these people now have responsiblity to is their child…and they are seriously fucking it…[Read more]

    • I have to say, as a law graduate (I can’t say attorney yet for a few more months) I see this very differently. I highly doubt this woman choose to sue for wrongful birth because she views her daughter’s life as wrong. She’s most likely using whatever strategy her lawyer beleives is most likely to result in a favorable outcome.

      Implanting the…[Read more]

      • I meant Ms. Cramblett’s Daughter is a healthy child, not that she herself is a child, obviously. Sorry!

      • Mezza replied 4 weeks ago

        I think that if this is the strategy their lawyer advised, then the lawyer is being irresponsible and probably also racist. Wrongful birth is an incredibly complicated and difficult tort action, and at least at my law school we spent a lot of time talking about how problematic its very existence is and what the consequences would be for any child…[Read more]

        • That may well bet rule. Given that the child is healthy, I don’t really get how wrongful birth applies. You’re right that even when in wrongful birht cases where the child was born with a genetic disease, suing on this ground is controversal.

          I don’t know anything about the particular laws of this jurisdiciton though. It’s possible that where…[Read more]

          • Wow, I really need to proof-read before hitting submit. I meant, “that may well be true”. I again apologize for the typos, clearly I’m a little tired today.

          • Tia replied 4 weeks ago

            (As a soon to be lawyer too) I also think that claiming wrongful birth is the lawyers’ doing. The mothers told them the facts and they tried to fit them into certain boxes. But the claim shouldn’t have been included, in my opinion. Wrongful birth leaves a bad impression and seems potentially toxic to the whole case and other claims because it…[Read more]

        • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

          Yes! I’m so glad to finally see someone talking about the lawyer’s racism here. For all we know, that’s the full source of the fucked-upness we’re seeing here.

      • I think you forgot the “As a white person, I see this very differently.” ‘Cause clearly.

        • Maybe you’re right. This situation involves complex issues, and it’s been interesting to read other people’s perspectives. It’s quite possible that I’m wrong – I fully admit that as a white person my opinions on this topic have less value because I don’t know what it’s like to grow up as a person of color.

          I guess I’m just used to the fact…[Read more]

    • They have every right to be angry about getting the wrong sperm and perhaps they are taking the path most legally recommended to ameliorate that wrong.

      But they don’t seem to be considering that HOW or WHETHER they go this legal route can have a huge negative impact on their child, now, or in the future when she can read about “wrongful…[Read more]

    • The sperm bank is obviously in the wrong and the family should be compensated, BUT the basis of the lawsuit is about her race. I don’t know how or why people aren’t seeing that.

      I wonder if they’d still sue if it were the wrong donor, but a caucasian brown eyed donor…

      • The lawsuit wouldn’t go anywhere if the donor had been caucasian. Really, the only way a lawsuit under similar circumstances would go forward is if the baby had been born with a serious mental or physical handicap. That’s what’s so sad about the fact that they would even file the thing on the basis of race.

        I keep thinking what if the parents…[Read more]

        • Someone else crowdfunding further up. That was certainly a option but but the vast majority of crowdfunding efforts don’t work. The media only covers the ones that viral.

          And frankly, why should charity have to fill the balance when the sperm bank caused the difficulty. What about accountability for everyone else needing insemination services?

          • It’s a fair point, however I think that for such a unique circumstance it would not be all that difficult to have such a campaign go viral… after all, the news story about the lawsuit went viral, didn’t it? People are interested in the story.

            And yes I agree that the sperm bank created the situation, but it’s also possible that once such a…[Read more]

    • Jnet replied 4 weeks ago

      I’m pretty appalled at the behavior of this couple. While the sperm bank clearly screwed up, blackness is NOT a defect. Your child is your child, you people are kidding yourselves if you think reproduction (or adoption) is anything other than a roll of the genetic dice. Should parents have the right to sue if their kid ends up being queer?…[Read more]

    • This is so wrong on so many levels. Ugh.

      I have often thought about fostering and adoption and the issues that could come up with raising a child from a different heritage to me. It worries me that I wouldn’t be able to teach my child enough of their identity, and I would unknowingly inflict microaggressions on them.

    • Cazz replied 4 weeks ago

      I’m really somewhat torn over this. I fall on the side of ‘ok, this is pretty racist and you should love your kid no matter what’. What confuses me is that one the one hand I do feel the sperm bank fucked up because the parents would probably have an easier time of explaining the child’s parentage if she wasn’t clearly racially different to them.…[Read more]

    • I understand this couple wants compensation and are facing financial burdens, like moving, but honestly, if it’s your kid, you take the high road.

      If you want to sue, even if it might grant you a better chance of winning, you refrain from framing it in a way that would ever even hint at dissatisfaction with your child.

      What’s worse? Never…[Read more]

      • I don’t know whether they are good people/good parents or not. I’m not saying that are definitely not racist or that they have pure motiviations. However, I’m also not assuming the opposite.

        To me, it depends on whether they really need the money to relocate or not. If they genuinely cannot afford to move without getting compensation, and they…[Read more]

      • Seriously, if they had entered with a different claim they could have won, and won plenty of money in damages. Breach of fucking contract is it! And they could have left the kid out of it but included “needing to relocate to raise and love our daughter in a place where she can feel accepted and nurtured and not have to breathe the smelly air of…[Read more]

      • Thank you, Rhymeriver. This expresses how I feel, exactly. The child is healthy, and could find some happiness if the parents showed more integrity and dropped this whole lawsuit bullshit altogether.

        By “returning the goods to the store”, and sueing the company for “defective goods”, makes an absolute mockery of their child. I just hope…[Read more]

    • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

      Like, I really don’t get why we are putting this all on the parents when it seems pretty clear to me that most of the racism could be coming from a) the lawyer and b) that state’s legal system.

      • Dana replied 4 weeks ago

        For me the mother’s reply of “No why would I request that? My partner and I are Caucasian. You know that from our profiles?” She could have said “No it was another donor I picked”

        • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

          That’s why I didn’t say “all the racism!” Also, people say dumb stuff when they’re shocked.

          • Dana replied 4 weeks ago

            It’s possible the reason for lawyers they were disappointed Payton isn’t going to be full relation to her sibling, angry they were not given what they requested and fear they may not be able to raise a biracial child into a proud and confident woman in a racist world and lawyers spun it into this. But they hired them.

            How is Payton going to…[Read more]

          • Dina replied 4 weeks ago

            Yes, they hired them, but in a small community your choices are limited. And so.

            I think this case is extremely complicated and we shouldn’t just go, yep, they’re racist, done. That’s too easy. Clearly there’s a lot of work to be done by everybody, ourselves included. (God knows I’m plenty racist sometimes.)

        • Guys, I’m black and I don’t find that comment racist. It’s makes sense that they never considered a child of a different race. Her family isn’t multiracial. Given her racist uncle and inexperience with diversity. I agree that knowingly bringing a black child into her family would bad idea.

          Her other actions with the lawsuit. I have problem…[Read more]

      • “God knows I’m plenty racist sometimes.”

    • Sara replied 4 weeks ago

      I keep seeing the idea that this case will be a terrible shock for the child when she googles her name someday.

      I have four donor conceived kids. I easily know a dozen.

      They all know the stork didn’t bring them. They weren’t an immaculate conception. They know way more about where babies come from than their peers.

      I don’t worry this…[Read more]

    • Holly fuck. I am born and raised in this Area of Ohio!!!! I am from Canton, which is only 15 minutes away from Uniontown. This woman is lying out of her ass when she makes claims that it’s “not possible to raise this baby in a community with people who look like her.” There is a huge population of black people in Canton. She could move 15 minutes…[Read more]

      • There are some parts of Ohio that are terrifying!! The first time I was called a n***er was when I was out with my white xgirlfriend outside of Cincinnati. Blech. I feel so bad for Payton. I’m a second away from driving up there from Lexington and bringing her back here with me. I’LL DO YOUR HAIR PAYTON!!!

        • God yes!!!!! People would literally say shit to me growing up like “What’s the difference between a black person and a bucket of shit? A bucket.” “What do you call a black squirrel? A squigger.” “I can’t be racist because racism is a crime and crime is for ni**ers.” “I wish I still had my banana peel from lunch so I could throw it at that monkey.”…[Read more]

      • You aren’t really selling the idea that they wouldn’t have to move far. Sounds like they should move out of state altogether.

        • Although I have negative Ohio feelings*, they really wouldn’t have to move far. There are a few parts of Ohio that are openly intolerant, but poc know to stay away from them. There are so many parts of Ohio that are diverse and would be fine for this family.

          * Kentucky and Ohio have this thing (feud)… What separates Kentucky from the…[Read more]

        • I’m not saying that they would be free from racism. That’s not possible anywhere in this country. Especially not in this case since Canton and Uniontown are in the same county. I am saying that Canton, which probably has around a 30-40% black population is monumentally more diverse than Uniontown, a 97% caucasian area of significant white…[Read more]

    • This couple left me speechless after hearing about what they had to say. Pure racism on their part. Just love your daughter no matter is all i gotta say

    • Alan replied 4 weeks ago

      Here’s a thought experiment. Let’s imagine that this couple sat down and went through the genetic choices, and they ordered a female baby. But the baby turned out male. Would we say that the clinic “messed up” because this couple had a “right to determine what their family looks like?” (Sex-selection will soon be available, btw.)

      For now,…[Read more]

      • Yea, no. Race is similar to gender but not the same. Gender has always been a genetic lottery. Race isn’t and considering the experience s of biracial kids it shouldn’t be. These women have know idea how to handle their child’s race. They were given a surprise that isn’t possible 99% of the time. How do you think that will effect her identity.…[Read more]

        • Well, today gender is understood as a genetic lottery, but there is sex-selection sperm sorting that’s currently tightly regulated by the FDA. I’d imagine that soon people will choose the gender of their offspring as readily they choose the race.

        • “These women have know idea how to handle their child’s race.” her child is still 50% white, and to say that you have the handle the black race like it’s some sort of problems makes me question your own thoughts on blackness. I don’t know you, but that’s how I read it.

          • Hi Ka3L, I don’t know you, but I just read that as you calling me an Oreo or attempting to be color blind.

            Either way, there is a body of research on transracial adoption that suggests that parents who are not properly prepared can unknowingly facilitate negative identity formation within their children.

            There are specific realities that…[Read more]

    • Katie replied 4 weeks ago

      How can people who read Autostraddle think that loving your black child automatically qualifies your actions as “not racist”? All of you who’ve suggested that have some back-reading to do. I might start here: and here:…[Read more]

    • For the love of Beyoncé, you had ONE job, sperm bank. The real reason they should be held accountable is that they allowed a child of colour to be born to parents foolish enough to launch a racially based public lawsuit she will read about when she’s old enough. It’s not wrongful birth, it’s wrongful parentage. Much has been written about the…[Read more]

      • Yes this.

      • Yes I’m glad that someone called out the literature on transracial adoption. I have seen many racist-ass people adopting black kids (in my part of the US, there’s an evangelical trend of treating it as literally mission work, which makes me pretty furious). Payton is the correct plaintiff in this situation.

    • It sounds like the couple’s lawyer is a real moron who failed to consider the best interest of the child now and in the long run. When I first heard about this case I thought the parents sounded racist and hateful, because maybe their daughter didn’t turn out the way they wanted her to, but so what? I am pretty sure a lot of parents would say…[Read more]

    • I’m honestly a bit pissed at this whole situation. If this one sperm bank is so f–ed up, who’s to say the others aren’t just as screwed? I think you all should be more worried about the fact that you might not even have control over picking the bio-dad of your children and a bit less about the fact that these women admit they have no idea about…[Read more]

    • Jesus take the wheel at some of these comments smh. No wonder black people don’t want to hang with white people.

    • Here’s my question (and it’s a question, not a “devil’s advocate” thing, and a question mostly directed at any lawyers in the room): ostensibly this lawsuit is to raise money for them to move so that they can give their daughter a better upbringing–this on the basis of her being biracial. Is that why they’ve focused the lawsuit around her race?…[Read more]

      • (I’m a second year law student, full disclosure, so I am not an attorney but I do study the law every day and night and in my sleep) In the cases I have studied regarding wrongful birth,(none of which were specific to Ohio) the parents are typically trying to recover money to cover the advanced level of care their child needs as a result of some…[Read more]

      • I agree with Papa’s comment below/above and would add that I was taught that wrongful birth is always an ugly term. The cases we read as examples were almost always where the child died or was very severely disabled at a young age from a condition a doctor should have diagnosed before birth, resulting in a lot of emotional trauma and financial…[Read more]

    • YES! “This is how you can be a white lesbian and not be an ally.” I wonder what did there uncle say about them being a same sex couple having a baby? I wonder? Did they want to smash in the head of this half black and half white kid like they did back in the 1800 and 1900’s? Where if the edges of the child’s ears was brown they(the white couple)…[Read more]

      • One woman admitted that her family was struggling to accept her sexuality. Horrible, but not a uncommon experience in America. I think murder is a rather big leap. This isn’t the 1800 or 1900. There racist relatives disowned the family. There is a big difference between not acknowledging a child and murder. The mothers are actively working to make…[Read more]

    • while i’m very disappointed in the commenters who are acting as if this is a simple case of breach of contract, and not overwhelmingly tangled up in issues of racism/anti-blackness (it’s not JUST the wrong sperm, it’s that the wrong sperm provided the couple with a baby whose blackness has ~complicated their lives~, ), i’m also very disappointed…[Read more]

    • You know, I’m as white as they get, and I live in Europe, and I think the percentage of black people in my town is like, maybe 1%? But if they can’t deal, I’ll take the kid and love her like nobody’s business.

    • holy. fucking. shit. good job, Gabrielle, as always. my biggest concern is the mental and emotional health of this baby. this child whose wellbeing is the responsibility of racist white people who think suffering = going to a black neighborhood. breach of contract is, IMO, the least alarming part of all of this. yes, the sperm bank fucked up. yes,…[Read more]

    • I also feel like besides the fact that the couple’s reaction to finding out they have a black donor was incredibly racist, that people having “the right” to choose what their child is like race wise, health wise, disability wise, etc, gets into a very eugenics way of thinking. People being able to pick and choose things about their children, could…[Read more]

      • So people who are unable to have children shouldn’t have the right to have a family biologically related to them, children who could be seen as part of their family? That you shouldn’t be able to put the same careful planning in your child that you would put into your partner (if you could have had a child naturally?)

        I think everyone should…[Read more]

      • Human beings who reproduce through PIVing do this all the time, though – it’s not like those of us who have uteruses and have sex with sperm-havers choose them through random statistical sampling. The uterus-haver may have already screened for hair color, height, eye color, build, a delightful way of scrunching up the nose while smiling,…[Read more]

    • I agree that this is legal strategy to right what is a terrific negligence on the sperm bank’s part. This child is lovely and they never say they are upset with her or her color. Hopefully the sperm bank changes its system and this doesn’t happen again.

      • I also want to amend that if someone told me I had a different sperm donor then planned I would be filled with “Anger. Disappointment. Fear.” What was a know equation now has a MAJOR unknown variable.

    • A lot of interesting points in this conversation.
      1. I’m not getting what a lot of the first few comments are getting. I mean, where in the article was it implied that Cramblett shouldn’t sue for breach of contract? A lot of you are arguing as if that was a point that was presented and should be refuted. I don’t think anyone would disagree that…[Read more]

    • I wonder if this would happen if the parents were black and their baby was white. I think its really sad that they’re essentially treating their daughter like she wasn’t meant to be the way she is. Maybe they need to open their eyes to see the beautiful life they’ve created is a gift and not a mistake. I hope that the racists in their family and…[Read more]

    • Out of all the articles I’ve read on Autostraddle, I think this one might well be the one where the response from the commentators that makes me the saddest.

      I’d like to address a few of the points that have been made:

      -That the parents love her -This is true. But love can easily co-exist with racism. And love does not excuse racism.…[Read more]

      • YES to that last paragraph. I don’t want to assume that everyone defending these mothers is white but I suspect that most are.

      • The lawsuit has to focus on the damages to the plaintiff (the adult suing the company), surely. If the daughter was an adult, I wonder if she could sue the sperm bank for damages to her for having to have been born to these white ladies?

    • Are these women racist? Maybe. Does calling a beautiful baby a “breach of contract” and “a wrongful birth” feel undeniably icky? Yes. But let’s not lose sight of the bigger issue here, which is that a fertility clinic was so careless and negligent that they impregnated a woman with the wrong donor sperm, and they need to be held accountable…[Read more]

    • I appreciate that gabrielle calls out how unbelievably upsetting the idea of getting inseminated with sperm you didn’t ask for and don’t want is, regardless of how it happens. I think that that idea of violation is behind a lot of the sympathy we feel for the mothers. I certainly feel sympathetic for them.

      At the same time, given how recently…[Read more]

    • again, “I’d say the child is presenting them with an important spiritual test, to see if they can raise their consciousness. Let’s see…” Often during slavery, mothers like these would just smother the child and kill it or the father would smash the kid up against the wall. How is she (the baby) going to get support living through biologic…[Read more]

      • You are absolutely out of line. Watch the interview with one of Payton’s mothers on Jezebel, they obviously love their child. This is not 1900, just because they’re a while couple in an all white town DOES NOT MEAN THEY WILL MURDER THEIR DAUGHTER. Your assumptions are sick.

        The mother was effectively raped by the sperm bank and then forced to…[Read more]

      • I do not understand why you persist in comparing these women to murders. Yes, there comments to the media were ignorant. But, ignorant comments do not murders make. Nor do you have enough information to declare them unfit mothers. What is wrong with you?

        I worry that this case with strum up opposition for gay parenting in black community…[Read more]

        • Really y’all if I knew that I wanted a baby. I went to the sperm bank and I found out that I was given a white man’s sperm. I would not be thinking about what my father or my uncle would say. What do they say now about them being a lesbian couple going to a sperm bank? COME ON!!!! Why would it matter what they would say about my black baby?…[Read more]

          • I’m aware of the private rehoming problem. We need to work harder to ensure potential adoptive families are screened for cultural competency in both tranracial and international adoptions.

            This case differs from those situations. For one thing those kids were adoptions. Peyton has bonded with her parents since birth.

            And the couple is…[Read more]

    • I’ve been very upset about this story and the whole notion of wrongful birth suits in general. To me, a person who files a wrongful birth suit should have their child removed from the home; they are as good as saying, in the public record, “I do not want you.” That is not a good beginning to raising a child.

      But this article is a prime example…[Read more]

      • I’m sorry about the way the conversation is going. I think most people agree that “wrongful birth” is a horrible artifact of the law, but more people should think about the fact that it is incredibly bad for persons with disabilities.

        As a side note, it also dissapoints me how Autostraddle just jumped on the race bandwagon and didn’t look into…[Read more]

    • Another thought I’d add to my previous comment, if the parents are upset about the racist environment they’re raising their black child in, then it seems like they think it would be acceptable to have had a white child in the same environment. Wouldn’t they more likely develop a racist perspective surrounded by racist people anyway? Well I would…[Read more]

      • I think watching your child be the victim of racism is far worse than the prospect of your kid becoming a racist. It doesn’t reflect well on then that they were willing to raise any kid in a racist environment. But, they straight up state that being around racist people was normal to them before having their child.

        It seems like Peyton’s birth…[Read more]

        • I can definitely see how it would be worse, but I really don’t think that the environment would have been a legitimate concern had the baby been white. So to me, I think there’s more to it than just the environment. But you’re right, its definitely a glaring issue to them now.

      • if someone can tell me where you can find an environment where your white kid of white parents won’t absorb any racism, I would be very happy. disclosure I am white and from the American South.

        people keep acting in this thread like you can just tell your racist-ass uncle to stop being racist and boom, solved.

        • You can avoid your racist uncle.

          You can tell your racist uncle that he is not allowed to see your family as long as he does not shut the fuck up forever about his racist views.

          You probably can’t convert die-hard racists, and many of them will never shut up, but you owe it to your kids and yourself to not have them around, however much you…[Read more]

    • “I couldn’t possibly have a black baby. I’ve never been black or know what that’s like…”

      I couldn’t possibly have a black friend. I’ve never been black or know what that’s like…

      I couldn’t possibly have a gay baby. I’ve never been gay or know what that’s like…

      I couldn’t possibly have a gay friend. I’ve never been gay or know what…[Read more]

    • You know what? It would have been 600% nicer if this couple had filed for damages against the sperm bank… on behalf of Payton.

      Like, the sperm bank caused Payton to be born to unprepared parents who will not be able to provide her themselves with the cultural knowledge she will need for growing up as a Black girl. This is a tort against…[Read more]

    • So… after we all got a chance to hop on the “aren’t they so fucking racist?!” train, did any of us remember to mention that this couple was having their SECOND child, and wanted BOTH their children to have a biological connection through a shared donor? Shouldn’t we focus on reprimanding this couple because they didn’t choose a black donor the…[Read more]

      • My god, did you really jump onto the ‘reverse racist’ tailwagon? This is one of the worst comments.

        I’m driving to pick you up on the bus, seriously.

        No wonder poc distrust us.

        Julia, to address your point: indeed, their children not being biologically related, like they intended, is part of the tort the sperm bank has done them.…[Read more]

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