1. This bottle of wine
2. These eight cups of coffee
3. This bottle of wine, which cancelled those eight cups of coffee
4. What happens when you drop your cell phone into your glass and try to bring it back from the dead
5. The shouting match between the person with the guitar on the roof across from mine and the contractors trying to tar said roof
6. All of the feelings I’ve ever had about Tiger Beatdown
7. Rejections from job applications received between 1 and 4 pm this afternoon
8. My break-up conversation with my therapist
9. This really easy recipe that IS ON FIRE, WHERE IS THE EXTINGUISHER?!
10. A fire-drill held by my apartment building at 2 a.m., for no reason I can think of
11. Watching Buffy for the first time with a weird sense of cultural relevance
12. The phone call to my mother, informing her that I would not be getting a degree
13. The phone call to my mother, informing her that oops, I’m getting a degree after all, what is she doing next Thursday?
14. My girlfriend “meeting” my parents, for whom she used to work
15. Attempts made at teaching my elderly grandfather about computers, and why using the Google toolbar (one of eight!) to Google “Google” is not efficient
16. What happens when you leave a pot to boil on the stove, with no water in it, and forget it’s there
17. A conversation I had in line at the post office about sex toys, which were in the opened-by-customs package I was picking up, and the reaction of the nice lady who handed it/them to me
18. The progress of my sunburn
‘listicle without commentary’ concept inspired by / stolen from the awl.