In the last episode, we had the pleasure of experiencing Frankie strapping on and getting robbed, Lou going down on Tess (in more than one way, that was exciting), and Sam finally seducing Cat. Basically everyone had sex, which made it SO much more rewarding than, say, Season 3 of the L Word, when nobody had sex and somebody died.
It’s promising! Let’s proceed, dear readers.
One scene in and we’re already getting into the heavy moaning — Tess & Lou make a ruckus, Cat and Sam giggle and Cat freaks out about one of those Important Big Work Presentations.
Oh is THAT what women with actual sexual chemistry together sound like
You know, the kind people always have in teevee shows which address the Pressing Dilemnas of Women who must Balance Emotions and still Perform on the Job. It’s a guaranteed hijinkfest and GUESS WHO’S LATE FOR THE BIG WORK PRESENTATION? It’s Jay! He’s the straight guy on the show who you wish wasn’t on the show, and he can sense that you don’t like him and so he sort of took his time.+
No actually it’s ’cause Jay & Becky are having relationship issues ’cause you know, his friend Frankie brought home a girl for a one-night stand who then stole Becky’s necklace. Also, Frankie has been peer-pressuring Jay into going out all the time, therefore making him slack at work.
When I look at you like this, you do what i want. Kapeesh?
The Presentation goes well though, and the Architecture Agency ends up with a new client (important later). Oh and guess who just got a job at Cat’s Architecture Agency?
Yes, Frankie’s lust for Cat is so great that she does what any obnoxious lesbian stalker would do and decides to a) take a job as a photographer at Cat’s architecture business, and b) convince Tess to move out of Cat’s and in with her, just for the extra attention. Look at me!
AND WHATEVER GIRLS I DISCARD, YOU CAN HAVE THEM FOR YOURSELF?
This obviously does not please Cat very much, especially when she has to go on a photoshoot with Frankie. However, continuing in the vein of last week’s giving of The Attitude, Cat is taking no shit and lays down the smack when Frankie tries to get all flirty. (Look at me!) Attagirl. When she finds out about Tess moving in with her, however, her cool is somewhat blown. At least it is to the extent that she can’t concentrate on sexytime with Sam, which is a shame, because their only sex scene so far has been rather tame and we’d like to see some real action, although I’m not sure real action is Cat’s kind of thing.
Straddling Way Outside Of What Your Pride Will AllowCat+
Cat then talks about Frankie while making out with Sam. like A LOT. Like beyond anything that is reasonably acceptable in any universe besides the one on television.
Anyhow moving on to Tess & Lou…
After Shopping for Wristbands at Claire’s, the Happy Couple Headed Over to The Peach Pit for Soda
Tess & Lou are trailblazing their cute asses all the way to a GAY BAR and although Lou’s freaking out about all the womyn, she takes a big step by planting an over-the-table kiss on Tess, which is not only physically awkward but metaphorically significant.
Lou promises they’ll hang out later and then Tess engages in excited I’m-gonna-get-laid-tonight preparation whilst wearing lingerie and adjusting her boobs.
They’ll be like ‘HELLO!’
Obviously she’s getting ready to get stood up. Again. This time Lou doesn’t even call. The next day, Tess and Ed are temping together at an unidentified company which seems to facilitate phone calls, display charts and, unfortunately, employ an ex-classmate of Tess’s who Tess made fun of in high school. Nothing like being underemployed and under-loved. Even in this nightmare scenario, Lou STILL doesn’t call.
Anyhow, Frankie’s having “thoughts” about her Family and Past. These thoughts do not involve Naked Girls or Smoldering Looks, shouldn’t they save the “family backstory storyline” for Season Three, you know, the season with the no-sex and death and stuff. Anyhow.
Frankie peer pressures Jay to accompany her on a voyage to the estate she visited last episode. They get inside by swinging the “let’s get high together” trick on the unsuspecting squatter currently inhabiting the place. Frankie has some memories about the apartment they’re in mostly based on the texture of the wallpaper. But also… she’s high.
THE YELLOW WALLPAPER
Back at The Office, Cat decides that Frankie hanging around is just too much to bear, so she decides to have a calm chat with her boss about it which eventually leads to coming out, as all women without Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts must do one day in their lives.
His reaction is hard to read but not really hard to read because we can tell this is going to be an issue, and the air is thick with imminent Homophobic Discrimination in the Workplace. And whaddya now, she’s getting pulled off the Important Architectural Project that she just won in that meeting, and Jay is getting it even for Jay was late for the meeting, remember? Ruh-roh.
Meanwhile, Frankie is sitting on the edge of her bed, contemplating the cruel, enigmatic world beyond her Shane Haircut bangs. (Recurrent theme!) She decides that what is needed is a thorough clean up of her room, and in the process discovers Sadie the real estate agent/thief/Robin Hood’s business card!
Cunningly, she books an appointment to see an apartment, so that 1) Sadie turns up unawares…
I’m a Good Kisser and You’re a Fast Learner and that kinda thing could float us for a pretty long time…
… and 2) they can then have sex on the kitchen floor of said apartment in various interesting camera angles. Lucky for her, her ingenious plans leads to both results! Oh, and she also gets her stolen stuff back, I guess.
Like in Spiderman
Like in Batman
Again at The Office, Jay and Frankie have their eye on the Pretty Young Intern and Jay is sick of being in the doghouse so he invites Pretty Young Intern into the bathroom to enjoy a little makeout session and a line or two of coke.
I’m Gonna Make This One-Episode Guest Gig Count if It Kills Me With One Line of Coke
After which she promptly almost dies, which is confusing because it was just one line of coke OH WAIT it’s not actually coke, it’s [either a Scottish drug that I don’t and can’t know about (unlikely) or a completely mainstream drug that I don’t know about because I am a square and/or underinformed (highly likely). Chem? Kem? Cam? I dunno.].
Anyhow, he’s due back at work and his makeout buddy is floor-bound, so he calls in Frankie, who takes her Shane Bangs and Shane Eyeliner and Shane Drug-Abuse Awareness into the stall, scoops up the girl, and takes her home. You know how actresses are. I don’t know why, but somehow I just KNEW this wasn’t going to end well.
yeah that’s right i got a girl passed out on my shoulder, yeah my ring is gigantic, who the hell are you
At Rubies/The Planet, Cat still won’t stop talking about work and stuff, although admittedly, her boss seems to be a bigot and her ex is in all up in her grill. Ultimately though, Sam is annoyed because she’s a cop and that is imaginably more stressful than being an architect.
Cat has to follow her all the way to the police station to apologise, and the situation devolves into some cop/interrogation role play lite involving cunnilingus on the desk. Because for Chrissake if all these women are going to do is argue, they might as well get some good fucking out of it.
I Plead the Fifth Finger
Tess finally receives a text from Lou, which is not very informative but prompts her to throw on some lingerie and get Ed to drive her to Lou’s so she can surprise her/score WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO END WELL. Because why would the cameras follow Tess all the way here just to watch them make out.
Yeah… who should she see wandering canoodlingly towards Lou’s apartment? Lou and Tom, her famous co-presenter and married ex who Tess and she originally bonded over disliking. Oh, I did NOT SEE THAT COMING. Sidenote, he’s gross!
Lou: Tess, what are you doing here?
Tess: I came to see if you were okay.
Tom: I didn’t think we’d be seeing you again in a hurry.
Tess: Why? Because I’m just one big f–king joke to you? [Looks towards Lou] Is that it?
Obviously Tess is v upset, and Ed – bless his soul! – decides that the only way to resolve the situation, really, is to punch Tom in the nose. No, but seriously, people, violence is never the answer. Don’t punch the married boyfriend of your gay friend’s would-be-girlfriend, please.
AND THEN WE HAVE A MOMENT. You know this moment, it happened with Nikki & Jenny in Season Five, when the ingenue returns to her true love and cries about how hard it is to be with her b/c of her career and that terrible terrible man she has to sleep with to keep it going and OH IF LIFE WAS ONLY UNICORNS AND ORAL SEX FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER
Love Means Saying You’re Sorry Right Now Plz
Next, Frankie picks up Sadie for a drink, and as they are walking side by side in their matching lesbian leather jackets, Frankie spies Cat and Sam walking along looking all couple-y and happy and snogging each other’s faces off and has to take a moment to drown Sadie out so that we all understand that Frankie’s feelings for Cat are Real. Maybe it was a Shane-and-Carmen- and/or Molly-esque situation that led Frankie to leave Cat? She was certain she was going to cheat and convinced that Cat was too good for her? I’m sure we’ll find out more soon, but for now, know that what’s going on is megadeep. FRANKIE STILL LOVES CAT, write that down. WHY ARE THEY OR WERE THEY EVER TOGETHR? We have no idea. Write down a question mark.
I Feel The Knife Going In
Tess gets some sympathy at Rubies, and there are drinks and the assertive but gentle suggestion the she sell Lou out to the tabloids (Sadie’s idea). Maybe that’s the better way to deal with this kind of thing. Jay and Becky are also reconciled now, which Frankie is a bit skeptical about (maybe she also has deep feelings for him, idk).
Tess wakes up to find news of Lou and Tom’s affair plastered all over the taboids, which we can probs blame on Sadie. Does it serve Lou right? Discuss.
Frankie goes to the Official Bureau of Unsolved Family Mysteries to discover that when her parents died in that car crash many years ago, a three-year-old named Francesca Alan also died. OMG THAT’S FRANKIE’S NAME. I know, right? This must be what her aunt meant to tell her before she died and everything! Frankie is at least as upset as you about this, she’s having a wee moment of hyperventilation on the street. Because if she died when she was three years old, did she really fuck all those girls, or was that all ghostsex? Ghostsex is a thing. It happens. We have a ghost pumpkin.
SO THAT’S WHY I’M SO IMMATURE!
AND THAT’S A WRAP!
How are you feeling about this? We would like to hear your opinions, hope and dreams regarding Lip Service, especially now that we’re getting properly in to the roll of things!