bromance – (n) a close but non-sexual relationship between two men, a form of homosocial intimacy. Coined in the 1990s, the term has historically referred to a relationship between heterosexuals.
lesbian bromance – (n) a close but non-sexual relationship between two lesbians, a form of homosocial, homosexual, homosexy intimacy. Coined right now, the term refers to a relationship that imitates straight male culture through the lens of lesbian culture. Tenets of lesbian bromance include chest bumps, beer, and chicks, man.
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I have a degree in lesbian bromance. Like I have a PhD. As in, trust me, I’m a doctor… of lesbian bromance.
Let’s examine the case study.
This past June, Team Autostraddle assembled in New York for Pride, Rodeo Disco, and copious amounts of wine. This gathering included a visit to a Manhattan gay bar, where I spent the first 20 minutes dancing stupidly and touching everyone and the next 20 minutes telling everyone how much I had to go to the bathroom. As tends to be the case, the only two lesbians in the entire freaking gay bar were using the ladies’ room, resulting in a line that I deemed impossible to wait on. Luckily, I had Intern X, who not only suggested that we visit the men’s room, but also shielded me from the eyes of scandalized gay men who walked in as I attempted to utilize the urinal (the stalls seemed to be taken in this bathroom as well, what the fuck?). We then high fived, and I gave her ten bucks to buy a beer for her and a girl.
And that’s when lesbian bromance was born.
Or at least ours was. As a doctor, I suspect that the lesbian bromance of KC Danger and X was not the first of all lesbian bromances. But let’s just say that we were the first ones to use the term “Lesbian Bromance” in this context, consider it coined, and get down to why now, and what it means.
Alas, this phenomenon brings about feelings of suspicion and doubt, perhaps even discomfort. Are we celebrating a term introduced by the patriarchy to reinforce gender norms for men? It sounds … unfamiliar.
See things are changing, and they’re changing fast, and they’re changing for everyone, across generations. Quite simply; there are more out lesbians now than there used to be and therefore if you’re lucky enough to live in a socially liberal part of the world, the likelihood of having lesbians in your life besides just your girlfriend is getting higher and higher.
Lesbian Bromance sounds… platonic. Right?
(Lesbian) Bromancing the Stone
Lesbian friendship: it’s complicated.
Lesbian bromance: it doesn’t have to be.
How long did you know your lesbian best friend before you guys started dating? Or before you kind of accidentally made out that one time? Don’t give me that face, you know it happened. These kinds of complications (one may call them “feelings”) run rampant through lesbian friendships. I mean, it’s natural. These things called “lesbians” seem to be rare, and when you find one that you truly, genuinely connect with them, it’s hard not to ask yourself, “So, what are our multi-cultural adopted children going to be named, and will we have to get rid of our cats?” It’s true: one way or another, most lesbian friendships are tainted by romantic intentions.
This is not the case in lesbian bromance.
See, regular bromance is sort of an unnecessary term in our culture. It really just means two men are friends, but the need for not-gay clarification comes from within the friendship.
Lesbian bros do not hold hands or sip wine; lesbian bros bump fists and knock back beers and yell “BROOOOOOO” loudly at each other across vast spaces.
These men are probably not perceived by outsiders as gay; it’s just something they need to prove for themselves. Two lesbians out together, however, are likely to be mistaken for a couple, hence the need for clarification.
Scorrrreee.
Lesbian bros do not hold hands or sip wine; lesbian bros bump fists and knock back beers and yell “BROOOOOOO” loudly at each other across vast spaces. Hugging is okay, though bear hugs are preferred. They talk about their problems and are allowed to have feelings, because nothing brings lesbian bros together more than the shared bond of secretly having emotions.
Perhaps most importantly though, lesbian bros scope out girls.
Chicks, Man
We use words like ‘chicks’ and ‘score’ facetiously. Mostly. We like to pretend that we’re cheekily mocking straight male culture and their objectification of women, but really, we like to look at girls too. Sexual conquest is celebrated in brohood, though perhaps in a softer, more respectful way. Because, y’know, we’re lesbians. As in like, “Yeah, I totally banged that chick last night. (High five) But also we had a lot of interesting conversation, she’s really smart, y’know? She’s a women’s studies major…if you know what I’m sayin’.”
And another lesbian bro will always know what you’re sayin’.
This is due to the fact the lesbian bro often intersects with another species of girl-on-girl: the lesbian player. It’s true, lesbian bros break hearts and take names. They don’t call you back because they’re too busy watching the Yankee game with their bro and complaining about how girls just won’t stop texting.
It’s a harsh reality, that of the lesbian player, but we all know that she is necessary. Ilene Chaiken tells us we are all connected, and we believe that it is so. The lesbian player makes it happen.
Why is Lesbian Bromance So Important?
Lesbian bromance is beautiful in its simplicity. It’s a friendship, just a friendship and nothing more. It’s secure in its lack of sexual tension and questioning of motives. It embraces sexuality and spits standards of femininity back in society’s face.
But is that what we should be doing?
Instead of conforming to ‘male’ culture, we are re-imagining female culture through a different lens. We are allowed to like things that are stereotypically masculine because we don’t believe that interests or mannerisms should be gendered. We celebrate a new kind of femininity framed through the standards of masculinity; we look to the past and reflect nostalgically upon our tomboyhoods. We’re girls who like girls who act like boys, if that’s what you wanna call it.
See “Bromance” is often explained by the phenomenon that “recent generations of men, raised by feminist mothers in the 1970s, are more emotionally open and more expressive.” Sex in the City was reveled in the 90s for showing a new, allegedly more powerful sort of female friendship that combined inherent emotional openness with financial and sexual independence. Lesbian Bromance takes that evolution to higher ground, but without the Achilles Heel of consumerism and wedding fetish.
We don’t really care though, we just wanna kick back, watch the game History Channel, and give some hugs. You know; like we own the place.
36 responses to “Lesbian Bromance is Here”
I am very busy LOLing right now so I will leave a better comment later.
Brilliant!
“We’re girls who like girls who act like boys, if that’s what you wanna call it.”- Do you like girls who act like boys, or are you girls who act like boys and who like girls? Or… yes?
This is the greatest thing I have read ever. Chest bump!
my bros and i don’t watch sports and only sometimes drink beer — and about of them are gay boys and not lesbians — but they’re still my bros, you know?
you DO know. this is genius.
I just realized all relationships i have with friends are somewhat or entirely of this kind. BROOO
I LOVE THIS! It is wonderful, amazing, magical, etc.
Chest bump, beer, CHICKS.
#brolove
Also, I’d like to point out just how brotastic our pictures are. BROOOOOO!
omg.
You kill me Doctor Danger, you just kill me.
to my dearest katrina:
you so fly.
and also x and vashti, obviously.
Lesbian Bromances are what got me through high school. High five chest bump for this fine definition!
A plus plus KC DANGER!
Autostraddle is all that and a bag of chronic!
xo
You are Hilarious.
Hahaa this definitely changes the definition of the word “lesbro”, which used to refer to dudes with a lot of lesbian friends.
No longer!
We will have to give our man-friends a new word. Maybe… tribud…
Dr Danger, amazing. When I saw the subhead “Chicks, Man”, I lost it. High five.
it’s official, we’re all bros. totes buying everyone a round of beers.
I can never be a bro because I openly have too many feelings. But I love you guys!
Word.
we are starting a “not bros” group. feelings <3
I love being open about feelings.
Also, today I put my arm around a girl like what a girl would usually do to me. I felt disoriented and awkward.
I don’t think I could ever pass as a bro.
OH WELL
Yeaaah, I’m not that open with my feelings, but I too am in the “not bros” group. Embarrassing YouTube video aside, I think I’m a tiny bit too girly to be bro. I mean, I wanna be that women’s studies major getting scoped out by the bros.
ALSO, that Pride group pic makes me smile!
Well I know autostraddle just loves to abbreve…so I say we kick this shiz up a notch from “lesbian bromance” to “lesbromance”. I am all for having less syllables to remember. Also I think this lesbrilliance you speak of is highly related to the “double homo” effect. And just to keeps it fresh, I would like to throw it out into the homoverse that there are also Lipstick Lesbromances for high femmes who aren’t into each other. But instead of chest bumps and beers, we bond over mani pedies and say things like… omg chicks girl.
Raises hand. yeah a lesbian bro to a many of lesbians
(gay&straight men too)
Not a threat and i’ll buy you a pint or two while we watch the fly on mute and blast motorhead.
I think this just makes me a bro ‘bro’ though.
sigh haha, nice article
Is it still a bromance if it’s with a straight guy? I mean, he gave me a high five when I lost my V-card, we talked about how amazing the girl was, and then went to Burger King where we had a burping contest.
I have other lesbian friends but they’re not really bros, just kinda neutral.
I think those are called “Lezbros,” straight guys who hang out with a lot of lesbians. I’m only saying that ’cause I saw a film about it on logo. I am really cool.
Yeah, that is totally legit! Lezbros are my life. We don’t chest bump but it’s cool.
This is hilarious, and so totally true. Actually, I have friends like this, and we always called each other lesbros, and I was surprised when people started talking about lesbros as dudes with lesbian friends. Like, ok, that’s fine if you wanna go ahead and take that word away from me, but really, who cares about what to call the dudes, I want more labels/words/whatever for MEEEEEE… dudes can just be dudes. Or they can be platonic man-dudes, friend-of-the-lesbians, if they wanna be. But I wanna be a lesbro again, to my fellow lesbros… ok, I think I rest my case.
this is fantastic, My best friend and I are totally thid down to the yankee game AND history channel references. excellent.
This was such a great read! Bro!
Great article. The writing on this site is so good for morale. Love this: ‘It embraces sexuality and spits standards of femininity back in society’s face.’
Nice article home-skillet. I currently hang with about six guys, so I guess I haven’t really experienced the true lesbromance yet. Maybe I’ll have this said connection someday. *sigh*
Fuck yes. That’s all.
my friends and i call each other ‘bromos’.
rolls off the tongue a little better than lesbro, in my opinion
this article nailed it though, describes me and my friends perfectly.. bonding while checking out girls, complaining about crazy ex/current girlfriends, manly bear hugs.. bromos for life, haha.
awesome read, thank you!
me and my friend just realised we have complete lesbian bromance. It is quite possibly the best invention ever
we have now dubbed ourselves bromos- awesome word
HAHAHAH! BROMOS. That made my hour. Nicely done. I am a big fan of word inventions.
I’m trying to come up with a compound word for ‘gay eye contact’.
Any thoughts?
Hrm, Hopehallohan… Good idea. I suppose ‘gayzing’ would really only work in text form… But it’s better than nothing!
This is fantastic!
i need to say that this article changed my life for the better… THANK YOU AUTOSTRADDLE.