It’s the Awskers! – In Which We Revamp the Oscars, Ask For Your Votes

As we exist only within the most radical fringes of independent, bohemian, post-capitalist society, we frequently find ourselves unable to have any feelings about The Oscars. Because it costs three gabillion dollars to make a movie these days, cinemas tend to specialize in movies that three gatrillion people will want to see. As aforementioned, we are radical lezzy commies and have no appreciation for such mainstream things. We would rather just watch the Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office version.

So! We have re-vamped the Oscars to best suit our purposes and provided our own nominations here for our own Awsker office pool. These selections were selected by a complicated formula that included asking everyone at Autostraddle which movies they liked this year (it turns out everyone DID see The King’s Speech, who knew) (Also, apparently Riese was the only one unable to enjoy/sit through Inception because every 30 seconds she had to yell about how this or that two minutes/30 seconds of unnecessary special effects spectacle could’ve fed the entire continent of Africa and brought arts education back into our nation’s underperforming schools), remembering people talking about movies last year, looking at the actual Oscar nominations, and glancing at RottonTomatoes.com.

You can vote in the comments, and whichever movie wins will have the pleasure of winning.

You are also welcome to say things like “HOW COULD YOU LEAVE OUT NANNY MCPHEE RETURNS???!!!!!” with as much punctuation as possible.

So we present the 82nd Annual Awsker Awards:

+

Best Documentary

Exit Through the Gift Shop
The Tillman Story (site)
Waiting for Superman (site)
Inside Job
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (site)
8: The Mormon Proposition
Waste Land (site)
Casino Jack and the United States of Money
Marwencol (site)
Soundtrack for a Revolution (site)

+

Best Picture

The Kids Are All Right
The Runaways
Howl
The Social Network
Inception
The Town
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Black Swan
Another Movie

+

Best Picture Primarily Marketed Towards Children

Megamind 3D
Toy Story 3
Kick-Ass
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Alice in Wonderland
How to Train Your Dragon

+

Best Actress

Annette Bening – The Kids Are All Right
Halle Berry – Frankie & Alice
Natalie Portman - Black Swan
Mia Wasikowska – Alice in Wonderland
Emma Watson – Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

+

Best Actor

Daniel Radcliffe – Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows
Colin Firth - The King’s Speech
Jesse Eisenberg – The Social Network
James Franco – Howl and probably also 127 Hours
Anthony Mackie – Night Catches Us


dotted-divider2
NEXT: Supporters, directors, writers, female-friendliness, Julie & Brandy, and the worst movie of the year.

Pages: 1 2 See entire article on one page

Profile photo of the team

auto has written 317 articles for us.

48 Comments

  1. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    HOW WAS TANGLED NOT NOMINATED??!!!??! best child friendly lady positive hidden feminist vagenda film of the year. Best Documentary:Harry Potter
    Best Picture:Harry Potter
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children:Harry Potter
    Best Actress:Harry Potter
    Best Supporting Actress:Harry Potter
    Best Actor:Harry Potter
    Best Supporting Actor:Harry Potter
    Best Writing:Harry Potter
    Best Director:Harry Potter
    Most Disappointing:Everything Not Harry Potter
    Most Lady-Friendly Film:Harry Potter
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film:Should be Harry Potter

  2. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary
    Best Picture: Black Swan
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children: Alice In Wonderland
    Best Actress: Natalie Portman in Black Swan
    Best Actor: James Franco

  3. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary: The Mormon Proposition 8
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children
    Best Supporting Actress: Anika Noni Rose in For Colored Girls
    Best Supporting Actor: Michael Ealy in For Colored Girls
    Best Writing: Winter’s Bone
    Best Director: That Chick directing the Runaways
    Most Disappointing: Anything Twighlight is Disappointing/stupid. Why was Bitch slap even in this?
    Most Lady-Friendly Film
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film

  4. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Apparently, we don’t watch the same movies.

    Best documentary: Waste Land

    In other news, I vote for Natalie Portman and James Franco as the prettiest people in American cinemas.

  5. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary: Waiting For Superman
    Best Picture: Black Swan
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children: Harry Potter
    RANT: HELLO, autostraddle, did you not see Despicable Me? Did you not want the the fluffy unicorn? Or the squishy yellow minions? What is this?
    Best Actress: Natalie Portman
    Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo
    Best Actor: Daniel Radcliffe
    Other Rant: Actually, he gets the award for “most improved actor”
    Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale
    Best Writing: A book. Any book.
    Best Director: David Yates, Harry Potter
    Most Disappointing: Twilight
    Most Lady-Friendly Film: Love and Other Drugs. Because Anne Hathaway is a goddess. Not actually a feminist film. I just like topless girls sometimes. Shoot me.

    • Thumb up 0

      Please log in to vote

      RANT: HELLO, autostraddle, did you not see Despicable Me? Did you not
      want the the fluffy unicorn? Or the squishy yellow minions? What is this?

      Yes. I saw that bitch. And I laughed so hard that I cried and wanted to die. That whole movie was my favourite part of any movie in all of last year.

    • Thumb up 0

      Please log in to vote

      we had a big party at carly’s to watch BITCH SLAP! and write about it for autostraddle but it was soo so so so so so so terrible that I think I had to stop typing altogether about 10 minutes in and start writing a daily fix

      • Thumb up 0

        Please log in to vote

        My girlfriend and I bought it as a joke to one of the girls in our “straight-girl friends group” for her 18th birthday.

        They all refused to look us in the eyes afterwards.

  6. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary – Casino Jack and the United States of Money
    Best Picture – Social Network
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children – IDK
    Best Actress – Annette Benning
    Best Supporting Actress – Lorretta Devine
    Best Actor – write-in for Jayden Smith, The Karate Kid
    Best Supporting Actor – idk
    Best Writing – the nicest thing
    Best Director – lisa chodakeananeo
    Most Disappointing – Room in Rome
    Most Lady-Friendly Film – Runaways
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film – Sex & The City 2

    • Thumb up 0

      Please log in to vote

      omg Riese. That brought a tear to our eye. Thank you for writing Nicest Thing.

      Here goes.

      Best Documentary- Exit thru the Giftshop
      Best Picture- Scott Pilgrim VS The World
      Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children- The Bieber Doc
      Best Actress- Annette Benning
      Best Supporting Actress- Amy Adams
      Best Actor- Gross. We hate Actors. Geoffrey Rush?
      Best Supporting Actor- Gross. We hate supporting actors even more. We’d probably vote for that dude who played the Winklevoss Twins in the Facebook
      Best Writing- Us. Nicest Thing. :-)
      Best Director- Floria Sigismondi
      Most Disappointing- EVERY MOVIE WAS SO BAD. Black Swan
      Most Lady-Friendly Film- Runaways
      Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film- Sex & the Shitty 2

      xoxoxooxoox

  7. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    My one bias: anything involving a mind fuck or any movie that, after seeing you can’t help but continue to say “whhhhaaattt the fucccck?”

    Best Documentary- tie: The Tillman Story (Srrrsly America?) and Waiting for Superman (Are you serious America??)
    Best Picture- Black Swan (see above bias)
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children: Toy Story 3, mainly cause the only “kids” I saw seeing Alice and Wonderland were on mushrooms.
    Best Actress: Hallllleeee Berry, Halle Berry
    Best Supporting Actress: Melisa Leo
    Best Actor: James Franco…I would say he’s so much like James Dean that I have no choice but to vote for him but I feel like that may jinx the whole living longer than James Dean thing he has going on.
    Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale…he’s batman so…he can do anything.
    Best Writing: Inception cause my mind was so fucked over!
    Best Director: David Fincher is the greatest director ever.
    Most Disappointing: Shutter Island…Leo did me wrong with that one.
    Most Lady-Friendly Film: Harry Potter…what girl doesn’t wanna fuck Emma Watson?
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film: Hot Sub Prime Machine, for their follow up talk about how many homo jokes there were in that movie. there were sooo many!

  8. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary- Waiting for Superman
    Best Picture- Howl
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children- Toy Story 3
    Best Actress- Natalie Portman
    Best Supporting Actress- ?
    Best Actor- James Franco
    Best Supporting Actor- ?
    Best Writing – Winter’s Bone
    Best Director- Floria Sigismondi
    Most Disappointing- Haven’t seen any of these, I’m gonna go with Twilight because sparkly vampires? Really?
    Most Lady-Friendly Film- The Runaways
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film- Why wasn’t Avatar on this list? AVATAR

  9. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Supporting Actress – Hailee Steinfeld (in True Grit)

    I found her rendition of Mattie Ross/the “harpy in pants” to be most satisfactory.

    And I was going to add something like “Steinfeld as Ross made the 14-year-old me realize she was gay, retroactive homorecruitment-style” but then I decided against it, in case that gave people a wrong, creepy impression about the present me.

  10. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    I feel that Winter’s Bone should probably win all of the awards. Maybe the best movie I saw all last year.

    I liked The Social Network pretty well, and The Kids Are All Right was pretty great, but neither of them came very close to being a perfect film. And Black Swan, while viscerally effective, was ultimately fairly stupid once the horror wore off (which did take days, I’ll admit).

  11. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary: Exit Through the Gift Shop (seriously, I’ve decided to start stenciling again.. Spray paint, stencils, acrobatics, opinions, LOVE!!!)
    Best Picture: Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (this is a deep rooted nerd love thing talking here. Plus, the movie was pretty friggin decent.)
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children: WRITE IN! Despicable Me (IT’S SO FLUFFY!!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO DIE!)
    Best Actress: Annette Benning – The Kids are Alright (seriously, ever since forever I have had the most insanely amazing crush on her. In Dreams? Yes. Best. Creepy. Movie. EVER!)
    Best Supporting Actress: Loretta Devine – For Colored Girls (because she is amazing. have you seen Funny Valentine? do it. Immediately.)
    Best Actor: James Franco – in whatever (because he is like my best friend, or would be, if I got to meet him.)
    Best Supporting Actor: Mark Ruffalo – The Kids are Alright (because he can. That’s why.)
    Best Writing: no opinion. (I like to write, but don’t really care much for people who write to make a movie. finished product only, please.)
    Best Director: again, no opinion.
    Most Disappointing: Sex & The City 2 (am I the only person in the fucking world who doesn’t care for these bitches? Seriously, I don’t give a crap about these idiotic women’s lives. at all. fictional or in reality.)
    Most Lady-Friendly Film: Alice in Wonderland (seriously, how often is a woman the hero in a fairy tale. Alice needs no prince to make things all better.)
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film: Shitter Island!!! yes. yes. yes.

    Obvs, my opinion means very little, considering I’m more apt to be writing/reading/playing video games at any given time of day instead of watching movies.. And, those that I do watch, usually have something to do with what I already love.. But, movies are great when I don’t feel like doing much in the ways of concentration..

  12. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary – i highly appreciate that this is listed first rather than down in the no-one-cares, so many things are fucked-up. INSIDE JOB HOLYYYY SHIT

    Best Picture – I Am Love (I thought The Town was so overrated) disclaimer: i haven’t seen winter’s bone yet

    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children – toy story 3, i am baffled no one is voting for it

    Best Actress – annette bening

    Best Supporting Actress – hailee steinfeld

    Most Lady-Friendly Film – i really liked alice in wonderland; how is harry potter lady-friendly again, is it emma watson?

    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film – runagays, hands down

  13. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    i really don’t understand how annette benning was nominated for best actress but julianne moore was not? i love me some annette, don’t get me wrong, but surely julianne moore was as good and had more or less the same amount of screen time???

  14. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary: Waiting for Superman
    Best Picture: The Social Network
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children: Toy Story 3
    Best Actress: Natalie Portman
    Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo
    Best Actor: Jesse Eisenberg
    Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale
    Best Writing: Aaron Sorkin
    Best Director: David Fincher
    Most Disappointing: Sex and The City 2
    Most Lady-Friendly Film: The Kids are Alright
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film: The Runagays

  15. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Anything BUT Waiting for Superman for best doc. I’m sorry but while it is dealing with an important issue facing America, that was one of the most ridiculously biased attempts at a doc ever.

    Harry Potter/ Alice in Wonderland for everything else!

  16. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Best Documentary – idk
    Best Picture – Inception
    Best Picture Marketed Primarily Towards Children – Toy Story 3
    Best Actress – Annette Bening
    Best Supporting Actress – Loretta Devine
    Best Actor – James Franco
    Best Supporting Actor – Christian Bale
    Best Writing – Aaron Sorkin
    Best Director – idk
    Most Disappointing – Did Tarantino or Rodriguez do anything this year? Was there a smirking, self referential spoof that attempted to cleverly satire Hollywood but without the part where it was clever? What about that Cera kid – did his sucking void of charmlessness suck anything up lately? That one.
    Most Lady-Friendly Film – The Runaways
    Best Julie & Brandy Version of a Feature Film – The Runagays

    And you people just don’t know how to appreciate Twilight.

  17. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Dude, Megamind was the GAYEST KIDS MOVIE EVER!!!!!! It all started when the lady says “Boys, you’re both pretty, can I go now?” and went gayer from there.

    Also, How to Train Your Dragon is not on this list? What? Awesome movie, tough girl, cat-like dragons, disability-positive. What’s not to love?

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.