Your Turn to Help Some Helpless Queers: How About a Little Formspring in Your Friday?

It’s 2011 and you guys still don’t know what you’re doing with your lives. Unfortunately, neither do we. I mean for real some of us can’t even make instant mashed potatoes and/or ride bikes, I don’t know why you thought we could tell you whether or not your best friend also has secret lesbian love feelings for you.

As you know, Riese & Laneia have been dutifully answering your questions on the autostraddle tumblr via formspring for some time now. Alex and Crystal have recently joined up.

Today, Riese, Alex and Crystal have all contributed the formspring questions that have most recently made them throw their hands up in the air in helplessness. (Laneia is on internet vaycay, don’t panic, she’s coming back.)

We’re hoping today that maybe you’ll get lucky, though, and someone else on the internet will be able to answer the questions we could not answer! Lesbians, bisexuals, transpeople, queermos and women/womyn/wimmin of all kinds: help a sister out. What can you tell these lost souls?

1. I feel like it’s been a long time since I have met a coupled lesbian who doesn’t think I’m after her girlfriend? Look, I hardly like ANYBODY, doubt your girlfriend is my soulmate dude. Is this a thing? I dunno, it feels insulting, thaaat’s all.

2. I’ve been on and off with this girl since we were 12. I’ll be going off to college soon. She’s staying in LA. I’ve already gotten accepted to Cal State LA and Chico, but LA doesn’t have my 1st choice of a major. Should I give her up for my future?

3. I thought she was perfect and great but she’s a kleptomaniac. Should this even matter? Because it scares me a little bit.

4. If a musician is good, but as a person they are not so good, is it wrong to buy their album and financially support the life they lead? It just encourages them, does it not? See: Mister Kanye West.

5. Interviewing for a live-in nanny job. I’ll have a studio with it’s own entrance, still way more intimate than past babysitting… What/when/should I even say anything ever about the “i’m gay” thing? I live in the Bay Area, so they’re presumably liberal.

6. I have been with my boyfriend seven years, I think I’ve fallen in love with lesbian best friend. I am confused and my dad is a raving homophobe. Boyfriend wants house and family, I thought I wanted this too, almost as confused as I am scared

7. MY HEART IS BREAKING! Engineering Science at UofT or Chem+Bio Engineering at UBC?! OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN.

8. Is it ever okay to tell people how fucked up you are? It seems like a really shitty excuse. But what else is there to do, just let them find out on their own?? Aaaaaaugh.

9. So this cute gay girl with an adorable haircut showed up at my high school this year. We were flirting today and talking about how awesome Tegan and Sara are. I am now burning her a CD of my favorite T&S songs. Tegan and Sara = lesbian foreplay?

10. I just ate 8 clementines in a row, out of pure boredom. I am sad. But I don’t know why. Why am I sad?

11. Riese, all my friends are ironic hipsters. Everything we say is a joke. How can I tell if one of them actually fancies me or if she is just expressing her platonic love? And how can I make my feelings known to her?

12.I cannot stand my roommate’s boyfriend, and he is here ALL the time. What should I do? I get so annoyed when he is here.

13. I’m beginning to question my religion. My grandma is gonna be so pissed but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in god. Not in a catholic sense anyway. How should I tell my grandma that I’m not gonna keep going to church anymore?

14. I’ve been told that the delicious candies known as “smarties” in Canada are not the same as “smarties” in the US. Can you describe to me what a US “smartie” is? Is it a Canadian “rocket” candy?

15. please tell me how to get over a girl (same circle of friends) that i’ve been with for the last 9 years? she’s my first ever gf… we’ve been living together for the last 4 yrs and now.. well.. let’s just say she found someone else that’s not me.

16. i found a cute lesbian girl on my college network when i was browsing on f.bk. i havent seen her in the (small) lgbt scene in our city. considering i dont know her, it would be hard to meet coincidently. would it be weird to f.bk msg her?

17. okay so, in the most general of terms, me and my ex-girlfriend/current best friend share an addiction. not to a substance, per se. just to, our circumstances. the unhappiness? an addiction to making bad choices? i don’t know, but i feel a need to grow

18. Why is it that only boys return my calls and emails but not the girls I talk to?

19. I am so extremely a top. My enjoyment of sex comes completely from making the other girl feel whatever I want her to. Because of this, I have never been able to masturbate, since I need a chick’s reactions to keep me going. Tips?

20. I’m 25 and I just moved out of my parents’ house a couple weeks ago. I’m hoping that by having my own place I will be encouraged to come out to my family. I live in the Midwest and I’m terrified of my parents’ reaction. Advice?

21. at what point do you talk about having safe sex with a girl? especially if it’s just a hook-up? and how common is it to practice safe sex – would she expect it?

Avatar of Riese

Riese is the 32-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1720 articles for us.

105 Comments

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    14. I’ve been told that the delicious candies known as “smarties” in Canada are not the same as “smarties” in the US. Can you describe to me what a US “smartie” is? Is it a Canadian “rocket” candy?

    A US smartie is the equivalent of a Canadian “rocket” Candy. I don’t know why anyone would trade candy coated chocolate circles ala M&M’s for those pasty tasting things, that leave their teeth feeling grimy.

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    2. Yes.

    12. Unless he is actually eating your food or causing a spike in the power bill (if he is showering a lot, he probably should be contributing) there’s nothing you can do. Maybe even if he *is* causing a spike in the power bill although you should be able to stop him eating your food. I nearly ruined my relationship with my best friend because I wasn’t a fan of her boyfriend, so if you don’t mind ruining your relationship with your roommate you can try bringing this stuff up, but it will only probably create bitterness. Just take deep breaths and hope they break up?

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    2. You’re gonna change your major like 8 times anyway.

    16. Message her. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Creeps get shit done. Think of all the time you won’t have to spend concocting an elaborate plan to conveniently be at the same party as her looking homosexy and available but not desperate.

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    2. Yes. You are young and at a point in your life where you can and should be doing things completely for you. You are going to be saddled with some regret here no matter what but changing your world and going somewhere you want and doing something you want is always a good decision, relationships can die and there is a special kind of bitterness saved when you have given up your academic dreams for a relationship that goes A over T. If you guys are close enough and want to enough you will find ways to be in each others lives forever. Get a free text plan and tell her about the weird guy you saw on the bus.

    4. Download Kanye. It’s totes illegal but you get the music AND Kanye doesn’t get your money to spend on being a douche.

    9. A thousand times yes. Tell her you’ve been feeling directionless yes, would she mind guiding you, winkwink. Then make out.

    10. Maybe heartburn? Like, emotional heartburn. Clementines are like the cutest fruit.

    16. Yes! Random messages from something who thinks you are amazing on the internet are brilliant. But be cute and not a creeper. Like, imply it as a friend thing at first. Omg I love your hair we like the same band/film/tv show/public figure! Let us consume coffee-shaped beverage. etc.

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      “4. Download Kanye. It’s totes illegal but you get the music AND Kanye doesn’t get your money to spend on being a douche.”

      Oooh, good answer. I do that with Glee–I get the peppy music but the producers don’t get my cash to spend on pretending they’re “diverse” instead of stereotyping assholes.

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        4. YOU GUYS! I hope that when you steal Kanye that you use the money you saved to support an independent musician!

        I guess I feel like he’s not THAT big of a douche, he’s not like George W Bush or Ann Coulter, for crying out loud. At least he’s HONEST about who he is, unlike Taylor Swift. Hahaha just kidding I’m not gonna talk about Taylor Swift

        No but for real, I mean, paying for music helps not just the artist but the label so they can afford to take on less popular artists that might actually be good people. Also there are lots of people who are employed to make that record, it’s not just Kanye. And he’s a good musician. I mean theoretically. But probs not, so, like i said, if you steal music, use the money you saved to support other musicians.

        I actually realize as I’m writing this that I did totally buy College Dropout from the CD store and pay to download “runaway”, i don’t know what that says about me.

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    #6

    You said you dad is a raging homophobe. You should never live your life to satisfy another person. If your dad does not support you/puts you down/disowns you that is HIS problem. Making our parents proud is something we all crave as human beings. When we let our parents down it makes us feel bad about ourselves. If he finds out that you are in love with your best friend and he does one of the above, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Which may be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than it actually sounds. Parents need to be supportive of their children no MATTER what. Unless they are a murderer or child molester or rapist. Than I would understand non-supportiveness. Maybe if your dad knew you have/might have feelings for another girl he would change his perspective on it. I don’t know your dad but he would probably love you just the same. Life is hard and we will always have someone who dislikes something we do or who we are. We have to deal with it as it comes. Unfortunately this is your blood relative we’re talking about that I’m assuming you love him/he loves you very much.

    As for your boyfriend, you can still have house and family with another woman. What you have to decide is if you want house and family with your boyfriend, or if you just want house and family maybe with another person or adopting a little one of your own. Heck I don’t really know. That’s something you need to figure out.

    As for your feelings for your friend. Do you insanely miss her when she’s gone? Sometimes it could be lust disguised as love, I don’t know is she insanely hot?

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    16. Message her. This is how my girlfriend and I met, and I’m SO glad she had the balls to be in your position. If she asks why you added her, be honest- say you thought she seemed cool etc, as opposed to lying and saying some BS like you thought she was the girl in your biology tute.

    Be charming, but not overbearing. Some people are very wary of this kind of online contact, and you don’t know what she’s like so you don’t want to freak her out.

    Also, meet IRL as soon as possible!

    GOOD LUCK!!!

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      I totally read that as “massage her” & I was like “hell yeah” that takes some balls. Then I re-read it and was like “eh yeah” still takes balls but not as much as a random surprise massage

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    1. Sounds like more of a reflection of the insecurity of the couples you’ve come across, but I’ve been in both positions and sometimes if the new friend is as gorgeous and funny and lovely as I’m sure you are, it’s hard to not at least question in your mind if your girlfriend may have the hots for you. Perhaps make an effort to engage both members of the couple? If they both get to know you a little, maybe then the jealous one can reason with herself that you’re clearly a lovely and honest person, and not a girlfriend stealer.

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    7. do you live in toronto or bc right now? if so, you might want a change of scenery?

    also,UofT is across the boards marginally better than UBC if i do remember correctly, and moreso in the physical sciences like chem and bio. if environment is important, and if you can deal with rain and being instahumid, then UBC is fine, as vancouver is like…4000x more scenic then frickin toronto, though they do have a waterfront area if its a necessity. but also more expensive in BC.

    so basically: pretty city+a bit more pricey for living VS. a bit better school+cheaper living+less scenic

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      I’d like to add that if you live in either Toronto or BC it would probably be a better financial decision to stay in the area because then you wouldn’t have to pay for housing which is like thousands of dollars extra and it is also extremely stressful to be waitlisted. Also, you wouldn’t have to fly home every holiday or so.

      That having been said, U of T is more “prestigious” but as with most Canadian universities they’re all practically the same in terms of prestige. If money and environment are secondary concerns then just pick which subject interests you more, as the quality of education is about the same at both. Keep in mind that this is not going to be set in stone as you can change majors, and I don’t think either university requires you to pick your major in your first year, you’re just picking faculties (which can be changed later).

      If all else fails then just do what the other commenters say: flip a coin and if you find yourself going like “naw no way that counted redo!” then you know which one you actually want to go to.

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    2. No way! You’ve been on and off anyway, what happens when you move and then you break up? Not to undermine things I dont know much about, but you shouldnt sacrifice your education for a shakey high school relationship.

    3. If she is getting therapy for it, then go ahead, everyone has a weird little problem

    4. If a musician is good they should be able to live off of live performances.

    6. Just dont make any drastic changes until you’re sure you wanna be with him like that. I wouldnt come out to your father until you’re sure that you are.

    12. I feel it. Hide away in your room? Go out? Ask her privately if she would mind going there every once in a while, but dont be offensive about it.

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    9. T&S is totally lesbian flirting. Kiss her!

    10. How to be less sad: pick up your phone and call the first person you want to. Go outside. Go window shopping. Pick up a book and go read somewhere. Go see a local band play. Put down the clementines & get out of your house!

    I don’t know why you’re sad though.

    13. Figuring out who you are is challenging and sometimes lonely. Don’t let the fear stop you from being you. If you’re still not sure, do some research to help you figure it out. I spent a couple of years reading books on religion, taking classes, and going to religious institutions with friends before I decided I definitely didn’t believe in god & that religion wasn’t right for me.

    From experience I will tell you this: be sure before you tell your Grandmother. When you do, sit down with her and have a conversation about it. Tell her why, don’t just state an ultimatum. If she’s as religious as mine she not only will not take it well but will spend the next 12 years (& counting) trying to get you back in the fold. Your Grandmother will still love you, but you have to be open to the idea that she won’t be happy with you. You should worry about being happy with yourself first.

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    Ok seriously? Every single one of these posted since I joined Autostraddle has had one of my questions in it. WHY DO I HAVE ALL THE HARD QUESTIONS?!
    4. This is one of the scenarios when I pirate.
    9. Yes.
    17. Do it. Leave. Metaphorically, geographically, or both.
    18. I have serious feelings about this. I think frequently, as lesbian ladies, we tend to be far more confident/smooth/just ourselves around guys because we have NOTHING TO PROVE.

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      18. Yes. I was always like, why do my female friends have so many difficulties with getting men, it’s really easy? And then I figured out the lesbian thing and realized straight girls must feel this way all the time! And that was terrifying.

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    18. Tell me about it. Amythicalcurse is right. I used to be really smooth around women (read, not self conscious), then I had an oh-shit-that’s-not-friendship-I-want moment, and now I stumble over my own feet all the time. AND straight guys have started flirting with me. My solution is trying to look queerer.

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    1. It is probably because you are hotter than said lezbo girlfriends making them insecure. It can feel insulting & invasive, like why should someone be able to try & declare dominance for no good reason? At the end of the day you have the power though, I hope you can feel a little bit better knowing that.

    3. Yes, it should matter. Moral clashing isn’t good. Deal breaker? Maybe not. Reevaluate lifestyle compatibility? I would.

    4. I was just thinking about this re: Lauryn Hill. I’d be inclined to buy the music but I’d feel dirty listening to it therefore tainting & devaluing the substance in the first place.

    5. You don’t have to say anything. If it’s your living quarters you should be free to bring a girl over, they’ll catch on. If people don’t approach their landlord/employer to say they’re straight, it doesn’t have to feel necessary to disclose being gay.

    6. Your happiness is priority. Settling down with your boyfriend & ignoring your lesbofeelings will leave you with eternal regret. Recognize that there is still time. Live through your instincts & the answer will make itself clear. By saying that I don’t mean go & cheat on your boyfriend obv. There should be communication happening, first (passively, if she doesn’t know) with your best friend, then with your boyfriend. Maybe that’s backwards, someone else might know better.

    8. It can be okay, just don’t wear it like a flag. If we are talking date-wise, wait a few. Depending on the nature of your fucked-up-ness it can be better to just let things unfold in their own way. I really think you have to handle stuff like this by gauging each person.

    9. Yes.

    10. You didn’t move around enough today. It’s been too long since you’ve watched Once More With Feeling. You haven’t cried in a while. There is a high chance you are going to have acid reflux tomorrow. Nobody told you they loved you recently. Autostraddle loves you.

    11. I don’t know how you can tell if she likes you but you should tell her she is pretty.

    12. Put the show/movie they hate the most on TV whenever they are in a common area. They’ll go into her room & you will see them 90% less.

    15. Move. Also start hiking & do charity work. You’ll find thousands of puppies or kids to love & it will make that tainted love sting less.

    17. Grow! Go to a farmer’s market & go lie down by some water (feed the ducks while you are there) & read Entering the Tao or The Giving Tree (analyze/internalize the boy & tree), pick up litter & smile at kids & tell your cashiers to have a great day with enthusiasm. Be genuine & open your heart & mind.

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    3. If you can’t put up with it, break up with her or ask her to seek treatment in a VERY KIND AND SUPPORTIVE MANNER. If you can deal with it, then deal if you think she’s worth it.
    4. Kanye is a d**chebag and his music is crap. Find new music.
    10. Most likely seasonal affective disorder.
    11. In an ironic, hipster fashion. Maybe get white shoes and design them for her, then on the inside write her a note. Or write her a note on her fair-trade organic coffee. Or tell her at a concert for a band no one’s heard of.
    16. Yes. But browsing her facebook until she posts about some event she’s going to is acceptable. It’s still kinda sketchy, but it’s acceptable.

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    1. You must be really hott, is basically what I can come up with.

    2. Don’t give up your future for her—why should you be responsible to stay behind? If it’s meant to be it will work out somehow later on, y’know? Also, 12?? DAYUM GIRL, #getit

    3. That would scare me because one time I stole this toy from my cousin and had a guilt panic attack. I was four. And had to return it after having a dramatic ‘coming out as a failed klepto’ moment, that was really worthy of an Oscar. I would bring it up with her. You can get in trouble for that shit.

    4. Here are my ~feelings about buying stuff from artists that I hate as people…#justusetheinternet. But if you don’t want to be tricky, and it really bothers you, artists don’t really make that much money off of albums—the record company does. It’s touring that they make the real money from. But concerts are fun…so…

    5. Get a feel for them when you interview—I think it’s generally pretty easy to tell if people are ok with it, especially if they’re interviewing you. Also, if you don’t feel comfortable with it becoming an issue, then just don’t bring any ladygays into your studio you hipster babysitter.

    6. Here’s the thing…and I just say this because I can only give an opinion and that doesn’t mean it’s right…if you think you’re going to spend the rest of your days with your boyfriend regretting never giving this thing a shot with your best friend then it’s worth talking to him about needing some space // a break // something of that nature. Life is miserable when lived wondering ‘what if?’

    7. I major in English.

    8. We are all fucked up. Each and every one of us. And that’s what makes it beautiful.

    9. Yes.

    10. I don’t know how you can be sad eating clementines. They are such a happy food. Watch funny clips from Modern Family. You’ll feel better. You don’t always need a reason to feel sad. Trust me.

    11. You could be all like, “Wouldn’t it be so post-ironic if you told me ironically if you loved me and then we actually fucked?” Or something.

    12. Put pictures of “sad Keanu” everywhere.

    13. I don’t know the full situation but when it comes to faith I think that anyone who is a true Christian understands someone else having a crisis of faith—there’s no harm in telling her you just need some time to think things over.

    14. I know nothing about Canadian candy. Or candy really. I’m sorry. Order some chips and queso.

    15. Girl, huge hug…I’m so sorry. I hope that your same circle of friends is rallying around you and being supportive. Really, time is all there is. You will cry yourself to sleep at night for a long time and there will be days where nothing really seems worth it but eventually life as you once knew it starts creeping back in and there is still love for you out there.

    16. That could come off as kind of creepy—I would do some real world recon first, like see if anyone knows this lez-ghost and where she hides. Then you can find a way to run into here. SEE WHAT I’M GETTING AT? #stalkerpointers

    17. You guys need some time apart. T’is the only way.

    18. Boys are easier prey.

    19. You’ve gotta learn how to be comfortable with yourself. No shame in that.

    20. It’s good that you’re out of the house, I guess—but it’s always important to wait until you’re ready.

    21. Before you start doing anything sexy bring it up if you don’t know her. Always better safe than sorry.

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    11. If you have some close mutual friends who are aware of your sexual orientation, maybe tell them? They can hint at your friend and ask her questions and whatnot. Of course, you could always just confront her and just ask her out. Things are frequently not as horrific as we picture them inside our heads. I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You find out that you don’t quite fit? But on the flip side, you could be just right. Give it a chance. :)

    13. While this may not be the best/most truthful way to deal with things, if you’re sure you don’t believe in the Catholic God, what you could do (and what I did) was just stop going and leave things unsaid. What I hope is that one day, I/we can come out and tell our family without fear of reprimands.

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    15. Pretty much the only way to get over someone is time, but in the meantime:
    -Give yourself some space from this person. Move out of the house you live in. Try to spend some time with your friends one-on-one instead of in a big group with her. Post-break up travelling can also be really therapeutic, whether it’s going on an awesome roadtrip or just getting out of town for a weekend.
    -Get a new hobby. Go hiking! Rock climbing! Knitting! Belly dancing! Learn morse code! Finding something else to focus your energy on feels good and you might meet some new people. I personally find it very satisfying to take up activities that my exes expressed interest in but never really got into and then become ridonkulously badass at them, but that is possibly kind of petty/immature on my part…
    - When you feel like wallowing, watch Gilmore Girls. When you feel like trying to be happy, watch the Sound of Music. Imma let you finish but, SoM is the best break-up movie OF ALL TIME. Nuns! Nazis! Switzerland! You won’t regret it!

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    5. I would just not bring it up unless you want to. Like if you’ve got/when you get GF, it’s worth asking if it’s okay if she can come visit you at your place, but if you’re single, it’s not really any of their business, you know? If they’re cool and liberal, they wouldn’t expect you to “confess” your gayness, and if they’re homophobes, they’re not going to hire you. So don’t make any sort of statement, but at the same time, don’t feel like you gotta hide it. Oh, and make sure they pay their nanny tax, because you do not want to get stuck paying all the taxes. Trust me.

    13. If you gotta tell your grandma you’re having a religious crisis, which you might not need to, bust out the historical examples of holy folks who questioned their Christianity and came out the other side stronger Christians for it. You might end up being a life long atheist, but it might make her feel better thinking that you’ll eventually come back to the fold.

    19. Watch Fucking Machine porn. Seriously. kink.com has a whole site devoted to it and a lot of it is uploaded for freesies on streaming porn sites. And if watching it doesn’t work for you, just listen. Listening to porn is way more effective for me than watching it as long as the lady is making realistic noises.

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    7. DO NOT GO INTO ENGINEERING SCIENCE. I know, you are proud of yourself for getting into the hardest program, you have a 99.99% average, but so will the rest of your class, and half of those people will drop out. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. TRUST ME. PICK UBC AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM 4 YEARS OF REGRET.

    I was also accepted but I chose not to go (i’m at Waterloo for Nanotechnology Engineering instead) and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. My best friend chose to go and DROPPED OUT IN A WEEK, (into chemical engineering). She skyped me and was literally in tears about how the people in the program, and the overall atmosphere was the most depressing environment she’s ever been in.

    LOOK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcPO4yhWSUg
    “A 4th year Nsci explains how things really work to a high school student”. EVEN PEOPLE IN THE PROGRAM HATE IT.

    You’ve heard the stories no doubt:
    -60 hour weeks; you want a social life, but you will forget those two words after the first day.
    -everything you learn is theory, but as an engineer, you should be learning how to apply it
    -Out of your entire class there will only be 1 kid who is GENUINELY nice, everyone else will be so competitive and unsocial that is actually makes you depressed.
    -everyone only goes because of the prestige and it’s the “hardest program to get into”, not because it’s actually worth it.

    Good luck. My best friend also knew all of those facts before she made her choices, but she was still sucked into the whole prestige thing; at least she was smart enough to drop out early.

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      Hi.

      As someone who has been through this program recently, I would like to say it’s not really that bad and there are tonnes of nice people. That being said, if you know what you want to major in (i.e. the bme stream) you should probably pick a program that does that from the start.

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        I’m in awe, kudos to you. Just by graduating from Eng Sci you’ve probably achieved more than I will ever achieve in my entire life, hahaha . I don’t know how you handled that, way too intense.

        Sorry, I kind of bashed on your program, in my above comment. I know there’s people who can in fact handle it (i.e. you ), but it’s definitely a select few. And most people take the horror stories too lightly and then end up hating the program.

        I know two people in that program right now, one told me that he has no social life, and the other one was recently prescribed pills for depression. :S

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    2. I have a lot of feelings about this, because I think that love is the most important thing in life. You’d probably regret losing the girl more than losing your 1st choice of major. But also, it’s important to travel and experience life, especially while you’re young. If you end up leaving town for college, I would suggest you at least try to maintain a long distance relationship with her. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you won’t worry your pretty little head with regrets because you tried your best. I also suggest you watch The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage before you make ANY big life decisions.

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    2. I’ve been on and off with this girl since we were 12. I’ll be going off to college soon. She’s staying in LA. I’ve already gotten accepted to Cal State LA and Chico, but LA doesn’t have my 1st choice of a major. Should I give her up for my future?

    Yes. Or at least, say “if we’re meant to be, it’ll still happen after” and stay in touch (but not committed).

    3. I thought she was perfect and great but she’s a kleptomaniac. Should this even matter? Because it scares me a little bit.

    YES. Don’t open yourself up to being an accessory, and FFS don’t move towards sharing a financial future with this woman unless or until she gets help.

    4. If a musician is good, but as a person they are not so good, is it wrong to buy their album and financially support the life they lead? It just encourages them, does it not? See: Mister Kanye West.

    Meh. People are complex. Plus, buying an album isn’t that great for them, financially. Don’t buy merch at their concerts, and maybe stay away from the REALLY horrendous ones (I myself draw the line at spousal abuse–no Chris Brown in my iPod).

    5. Interviewing for a live-in nanny job. I’ll have a studio with it’s own entrance, still way more intimate than past babysitting… What/when/should I even say anything ever about the “i’m gay” thing? I live in the Bay Area, so they’re presumably liberal.

    Soon. It’s better to lose the job now than later, if that’s what’s going to happen. Except, if you’re really strapped, it’s OK to wait and feel them out–at least then you’ll have cash in the bank if it goes downhill.

    6. I have been with my boyfriend seven years, I think I’ve fallen in love with lesbian best friend. I am confused and my dad is a raving homophobe. Boyfriend wants house and family, I thought I wanted this too, almost as confused as I am scared

    Oh, honey. That sucks. Sounds like you’ve gotta do some real soul-searching. And masturbating, frankly–remember the old adage, it’s not about whether you like her face, it’s about whether you want to lick her pussy. If you just like her face/laugh/soul, she’s still your best friend, not your romantic interest.
    Take the two questions separately: do you see yourself with a house and a dog and maybe a kid, and is your boyfriend in the picture? That doesn’t need to be the same question as “am I really fucking gone for my bff?”

    7. MY HEART IS BREAKING! Engineering Science at UofT or Chem+Bio Engineering at UBC?! OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN.

    TORONTO IS AWESOME, JS

    9. So this cute gay girl with an adorable haircut showed up at my high school this year. We were flirting today and talking about how awesome Tegan and Sara are. I am now burning her a CD of my favorite T&S songs. Tegan and Sara = lesbian foreplay?

    YES.

    11. Riese, all my friends are ironic hipsters. Everything we say is a joke. How can I tell if one of them actually fancies me or if she is just expressing her platonic love? And how can I make my feelings known to her?

    Ask her on a date. Sample dialogue: “Hey, Sally, do you want to go out with me sometime?” Look her in the eye so she knows you mean it.

    13. I’m beginning to question my religion. My grandma is gonna be so pissed but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in god. Not in a catholic sense anyway. How should I tell my grandma that I’m not gonna keep going to church anymore?

    Does she financially support you? Will she literally die when she finds out? Could she physically or emotionally harm you? If these are all “no,” just do it and get it over with.

    14. I’ve been told that the delicious candies known as “smarties” in Canada are not the same as “smarties” in the US. Can you describe to me what a US “smartie” is? Is it a Canadian “rocket” candy?

    Yes it is. Also, M&Ms are better than Smarties. M&Ms have crappy chocolate but the thinner candy shell wins all.
    Also? America doesn’t have Coffee Crisp. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WOULD LIVE IN A COUNTRY WITHOUT COFFEE CRISP??

    15. please tell me how to get over a girl (same circle of friends) that i’ve been with for the last 9 years? she’s my first ever gf… we’ve been living together for the last 4 yrs and now.. well.. let’s just say she found someone else that’s not me.

    Fuck, that blows. Avoid the fuck out of her for a good long while, and start a hobby or a class or something else diverting that gets you outside your house and gives you something to talk about. Visit your family a lot, if you’re close to them. DON’T let your friends encourage you to talk about her ad nauseam. Focus on having awesome, quality time with yourself. Take a long walk.

    16. i found a cute lesbian girl on my college network when i was browsing on f.bk. i havent seen her in the (small) lgbt scene in our city. considering i dont know her, it would be hard to meet coincidently. would it be weird to f.bk msg her?

    … probably, yeah. Unless it’s “hey, we’re both lesbians! WE SHOULD BE BUDS” with zero romantic motive.

    18. Why is it that only boys return my calls and emails but not the girls I talk to?

    Girls suck. (Boys also suck, but, you know. Irrelevant to this question.)
    No, but–girls are trained to appease, right? And boys, much less so. So most likely the boys you think you have a rapport with, you actually do, while with girls it’s more of a crapshoot–girls who aren’t interested are as likely to be receptive to your advances in person as girls who are. Then, not calling you back is a passive “solution” to that “problem.”
    It sucks, though, no question.

    19. I am so extremely a top. My enjoyment of sex comes completely from making the other girl feel whatever I want her to. Because of this, I have never been able to masturbate, since I need a chick’s reactions to keep me going. Tips?

    Unf unf unf. Um, I mean. Hmmmm. Interesting one. I mean, I imagine you don’t have a lot of trouble getting laid? Because, you know–unf. But I suppose masturbation is healthy and good and so on and so forth, so. Have you tried porn or erotica? Try EVERYTHING. Like, try m/m porn (and m/m fanfic!), het porn, not-crappy lesbian porn, crappy lesbian porn, kink porn, weird European porn, etc etc.
    AND/OR just give yourself permission to fuck around down there without having to “succeed” at arousal or orgasm. Pussy is awesome, including your own. Just enjoy playing with that shit for a while, or maybe for a few minutes before bed every night, thinking about getting some girl off twenty times in a row.
    AND FEEL FREE TO UPDATE US, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. UNF. /is creepy

    20. I’m 25 and I just moved out of my parents’ house a couple weeks ago. I’m hoping that by having my own place I will be encouraged to come out to my family. I live in the Midwest and I’m terrified of my parents’ reaction. Advice?

    Their instant reaction isn’t the only reaction they’ll ever have. Give them time to get used to it, even if they freak, and just know that you’re independent and that you can wait for them to come crawling back to YOU. You’re their kid and they love you.

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    2. Go with your education. Given how long and how well you’ve known her, where you go to school probably won’t determine whether you stay friends. You’re better off stacking the odds in your favor for school.

    3. It’s not a should. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone whose behavior scares you? Are you willing to risk being caught up in any kleptomania-related drama (accusations, arrest, etc.)? If you have anything you wouldn’t want her to take can you move it somewhere else for safekeeping until she or the kleptomania is gone?

    4. You vote every day with every single dollar you spend. Corporate lobbying has disproportionate influence over American politics and corporations (and celebrities) live and die on your consumption.

    No one can fight every single battle. You have to pick and choose. Is this one you choose?

    5. A lot of people still get weird around queers and kids. If it matters to you how homophopic they may be, tell them before you finalize the deal. If you’d rather have a place and are willing to ride the wake of their reaction (if any) from within the eye of the storm, you can choose to wait.

    7. I’m literally going to flip a coin. Heads UofT, tails UBC.

    Ready?
    .
    .
    .
    Heads: UofT!

    What was your reaction? Happy “yay!” or a disappointed “oh, shit…let’s go 2 out of 3?” Were you hoping for one or the other? That’s your answer. (This method works for me, anyway.)

    8. I think it’s always OK to tell people how fucked up you are. Sometimes that’s the only way they know where you’re coming from. I think people generally recommend not starting a relationship with detailed descriptions of how fucked up you are because not everyone sees you the way you see yourself. When I wonder if I should say something I imagine a wide range of possible reactions. What if they walk away? Freak out? Start crying? Ask prying questions? Can I tolerate all of that? If so, I say it. If not, I don’t.

    12. Ideally find someone you want to spend all the time in your bedroom with. Until that happens, get a bigger, better life outside the house so you’re home less. Or host every activity you can get involved with at your place so your roommate and the guy get used to going to his place. Or talk to your roommate about establishing different house rules for visitors. Or get him to pony up a share of the rent if he’s going to be living there.

    15. Find some new friends and activities so you’re reminded that there’s a big world with lots of wonderful women outside of that circle (and away from that friend).

    19. Better fantasies. Get it and keep it going in your head and your body can’t help but play along. If you’re body is refusing, keep changing the scene until your mind and body click. Replays, fantasies, porn, and erotica are all fuel.

    20. I had the opposite experience, expecting my parents to be fine and they flipped. You never know what parents will do or how they’ll change over time. Can you just take the pressure off coming out and give yourself some time to build your life independent of your parents? If not, which is worse: being in the closet and dealing with the anticipatory anxiety or being out and dealing with their actual reaction?

    21. Not nearly enough women expect to practice safe sex. You talk about safe sex with a girl while you’re still talking (before it gets physical). Especially if it’s just a hook up. Don’t let unsafe sex be an option: educate yourself and decide what risks you are and are not willing to take. (If you don’t know where to go for reliable lgbtq-specific info, you can try scarleteen.com.)

    Before you even head out the door try imagining scenarios of how you’re going to work safety into your play. Assume it’s all on you. Rehearse how you’ll stop the action if your partner refuses to play safely (saying “No” and pulling/pushing away is a reliable standby but what will you do if you hope to continue playing, just safely?) Also think about how can you make incorporating safety extra sexy. For example, you can take your time rolling a condom on a toy, periodically rubbing the protected tip against her stomach or her inner thighs as you describe in vivid detail how you plan to use it once it’s in its safe.

    If you think there’s even a chance you’ll hook up, make sure YOU have everything you need to play safely. Gloves are all win: you can get the size, color, and product perfect for you. (If you plan to hook up or have a new partner, get non-latex in case your partner has an allergy.) If you tend to travel lighter or an unexpected opportunity presents itself, condoms and lube come pre-packaged and can be kept in your wallet. (Lube isn’t for safety, but it can make the latex more pleasurable). If you don’t have any with you, condoms are easily purchased at almost any hour of the day or night.

    Condoms are the all purpose “latex”: cut the ends off for a dam (either mark which side is up or cut up more than one so any time it gets squished/comes off you can quickly grab another), put it over fingers (imperfect but, depending on how it’s used, can be better than nothing), cover toys or penises, and easily change it out if you’re doing both vulval/vaginal and anal play or you have multiple partners.

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    5. You shouldn’t have to ‘come out’ to them, but it’s probs appropriate to discuss the topic of significant others with the parents. The family I was working for was very welcoming of my lady when she visited (which granted was only once because she was out of the country most of the summer I worked), but asked that she not sleep over and we restrict our physical affection in front of the child. They weren’t ready to explain things to their daughter and didn’t want to risk her barging in on anything. While your living quarters are your living quarters, you’re still living under their roof and maintaining a close relationship with their child/children. They maybe totally cool with having people of unspecified genders spend the night in a touchy/feely way, but maybe not. It’s probs best to set the boundries early. (Every once in a while I get a text from my old employer worrying that one of her German Au Pair’s friends who spends the night frequently is more then just friends and wondering how she should approach the topic. You might not want to put your employers in that position.)

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    5. I say don’t say anything. They’ll catch on sooner or later. And by then it probably won’t be a big deal anyways because they will LOVE you! But while they don’t know, they’ll probably be relieved you have a lot of girls spend the night versus bringing home ‘strange men.’

    It’s kind of like when you were a teenager and you didn’t know you were gay until you had a sleepover with your best friend and you ended up making out. And because nobody knew, you could innocently have ‘sleepovers’ ALL THE FRIGGING TIME!

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    3. I thought she was perfect and great but she’s a kleptomaniac. Should this even matter? Because it scares me a little bit. YES

    6. I have been with my boyfriend seven years, I think I’ve fallen in love with lesbian best friend. I am confused and my dad is a raving homophobe. Boyfriend wants house and family, I thought I wanted this too, almost as confused as I am scared NO LOGICAL REASON NOT TO TRY IT

    8. Is it ever okay to tell people how fucked up you are? It seems like a really shitty excuse. But what else is there to do, just let them find out on their own?? Aaaaaaugh. IT’S REQUIRED IF YOU EVER HOPE TO HAVE AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

    11. Riese, all my friends are ironic hipsters. Everything we say is a joke. How can I tell if one of them actually fancies me or if she is just expressing her platonic love? And how can I make my feelings known to her? TELL YOUR FRIENDS HOW ANNOYING THEY ARE & BE HONEST WITH HER

    12.I cannot stand my roommate’s boyfriend, and he is here ALL the time. What should I do? I get so annoyed when he is here. SAY, “HELP WITH THE BILLS OR LEAVE. I DON’T EVEN LIKE YOU.”

    13. I’m beginning to question my religion. My grandma is gonna be so pissed but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in god. Not in a catholic sense anyway. How should I tell my grandma that I’m not gonna keep going to church anymore? “CATHOLICISM IS NOTHING BUT AN OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED, GLOBAL PEDOPHILE RING AND I’M NOT GOING ANYMORE.”

    15. please tell me how to get over a girl (same circle of friends) that i’ve been with for the last 9 years? she’s my first ever gf… we’ve been living together for the last 4 yrs and now.. well.. let’s just say she found someone else that’s not me. BEGIN SCUBA DIVING

    16. i found a cute lesbian girl on my college network when i was browsing on f.bk. i havent seen her in the (small) lgbt scene in our city. considering i dont know her, it would be hard to meet coincidently. would it be weird to f.bk msg her? NO

    17. okay so, in the most general of terms, me and my ex-girlfriend/current best friend share an addiction. not to a substance, per se. just to, our circumstances. the unhappiness? an addiction to making bad choices? i don’t know, but i feel a need to grow BEGIN SCUBA DIVING

    18. Why is it that only boys return my calls and emails but not the girls I talk to? YOU’RE ASKING ME TO PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS, AND I CAN’T DO THAT

    19. I am so extremely a top. My enjoyment of sex comes completely from making the other girl feel whatever I want her to. Because of this, I have never been able to masturbate, since I need a chick’s reactions to keep me going. Tips? PORN

    20. I’m 25 and I just moved out of my parents’ house a couple weeks ago. I’m hoping that by having my own place I will be encouraged to come out to my family. I live in the Midwest and I’m terrified of my parents’ reaction. Advice? COME OUT

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    3. i think there are different kinds of kleptomaniacs- the kind who are really good shoplifters and never pay for groceries and the kind who would steal their mother’s teeth. if she’s the second kind- think of the most precious thing you own and think about whether or not you’d be okay with someone stealing it. i was with a girl who turned from the first to the second and stole family heirlooms from me and i forgave her. she stole some of my prescription and i forgave her. she stole some more things from me and then one day i took all my stuff and never talked to her again and it was a shitty experience. know what you’re getting into and know it might not get better and it might not get worse.

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    4. I USED TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. Anyway, you can illegally download their music, or if you don’t want to do that, then just buy it. They don’t make that much money off of album sales anyway. OR you can get their album from your local library and then just put it on your computer. IDK how legal that is but it feels more legal than downloading it from somewhere off the internet for free.

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    1- Maybe it’s you? Is there something you’re doing to make people overprotective? Failing that, sorry dude, ladies is crazy.

    2- That’s on you, buddy. Your future is what you make it. And in this economy, forget having dreams, get a practical degree in a field that’s hiring or you’re screwed along with the rest of us, girlfriend or no girlfriend. ;)

    3- As the Great and Brilliant Dan Savage would say: DTMFA

    4- Download that shit if you’re so conflicted, JEBUS.

    5- It’ll happen, just slide it in naturally when they ask if you have a boyfriend one day.

    6- Is the sex worth it? (Because if you’re in love with her and the sex is worth it you might as well go be gay and happy. Screw your parents, who gives a shit about bigots.)

    7- Flip a coin. Lucky jerk. <3

    8- Sure, give them plenty of warning, and try your best not to be an asshole. But maybe you should just start treating people better?

    9- PROBZ.

    10- I don't know. But I'm very sorry.

    11- Play Gay Chicken?

    12- Tell Your Roommate. DUH.

    13- Carefully.

    14- GFGI

    15- Try not talking to her for 6 months. That should work.

    16- No harm in shooting her one single "hey, i thought you were cute, lol, sorry" facebook message and friending her. If she doesn't friend you back? LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.

    17- Doctor, it hurts when I do this! "Well, don't do that."

    18- I have no idea. seriously, I have the same problem. And I'm not the femmeiest dyke in the pie.

    19- Porn?

    20- Good luck. If they go ballistic and bible belt on you, loose their numbers and watch your back. If they freak a bit and stop talking, give them space, they might come around some day. But mostly, have some hope, they might not be awful. Try to be understanding.

    21- BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX.

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    4. When you buy, I don’t know, furniture, you’ll probs never know whether or not the carpenter was a cokehead who said stupid things on twitter, but if you did would it effect whether or not you bought that thing?

    If you went to a restaurant, ate a meal and then before you paid you walked past the kitchen and heard the chef talking about taking a picture of his dick would you then think it legitimate to walk out without paying for the meal?

    Idiots are everywhere, Kanye’s no worse than any other idiot, just he has a job which gives him the ability to let lots of people see his idiocy.

    Also I totes disagree with the argument that if the person is a good musician then they can make enough money from touring – sure huge established act like Kanye can, but the majority of musicians cannot. This whole ‘live music will save the industry’ idea is bullshit. And it isn’t fair to assume that everyone who makes music should have to be able to perform live. Performance and composition can be two different skills, not everyone has both and not everyone should be forced to do both.

    If you think Kanye’s bad Richard Wagner was a fascist who’s views and music incited Hitler, and he was rich and successful composer in his lifetime and is still celebrated and taught in schools today!

    (I understand that I have answered the most trivial question in a far too serious manner, but you guys I’m musician – this is all I know about)

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      “4. When you buy, I don’t know, furniture, you’ll probs never know whether or not the carpenter was a cokehead who said stupid things on twitter, but if you did would it effect whether or not you bought that thing?”

      Are you kidding? Of course. I mean, it would depend on what he said. Regular stupid shit? Probs not. Rape jokes? Probably!

      What you’re saying here about music is accurate but a lot of people *do* take their consumerism seriously – that’s why people buy organic or fair trade or local. It’s not a stretch to feel the same thing about music – or books. Orson Scott Card wants gay people to be chemically castrated and he donates $$ to orgs that support that, are you still going to buy that copy of Ender’s Game?

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        The day I found out about Orson Scott Card I cried. It was like he was my secret BFF thought I was intrinsically gross and bad and wrong. I was 14 btw, homophones don’t make me cry anymore.

        Neal Stephenson is my favorite author now. Orson may write good books, but there is no shortage of good science fiction. And there is no shortage of good music.

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          Ugh, I know what you mean. Ender’s Game changed my little nerdy twelve-year-old life, and now I can’t think about it without remembering the fucked up hateful shit Card has spewed more recently. I will NEVER, EVER spend another dime on his works again.

          But yay for Neal Stephenson! I’ve replaced him with Neil Gaiman and Ursula LeGuin, much more feminist & queer-friendly as well as being awesome writers.

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          I know it’s probably not right to judge someone based on what their spouse/significant other does, but I find Neil Gaiman way less enjoyable ever since I found out Amanda Palmer was a giant d-bag. :/

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          This post about Alan Turing and Orson Scott Card makes me tear up pretty much every time I read it: http://blogs.feministsf.net/?p=1273 and I’m not 14 anymore either. Like you it was an important book to me when I was a child, but I can’t recommend it to others, because the idea of OSC making money off it and then donating it makes me feel faintly ill.

          A+ on Neal Stephenson, I’m making my girlfriend read Snow Crash this year!

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          Wow, thanks for the link. I took a class where we studied Turing’s work, and the prof mentioned that his career ended when he lost his security clearance because of some gay thing, but, jesus, the whole story is so much worse. Fuck.

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    2) There is nothing in the world I believe more strongly than this: your education is the greatest thing you have. You can lose money, friends, and sadly, even love, but no one will ever be able to take knowledge away from you. Now, I’m not saying you have to cut all ties with your girl – long distance can work, you know! – but I would strongly advise against giving up the school you want for a lady.

    Keep in touch! Send her emails, call her, visit every month! But go to the best university for you.

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    19. Invest in a Hitachi Magic Wand. I had the same problem and then on Babeland I saw a video for it where the woman said that while she “can’t gaurantee an orgasm, it’s pretty hard not to have one” with The Wand, so of course I bought one immediately. It won’t matter that you can’t really get in a sexy mood w/o a girl there to pleasure. In fact, you could be thinking of your grandmother and it still wouldn’t matter. As long as it’s touching your clit, The Wand will work.

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    Chem+Bio Engineering. That’s the fastest growing, except nano and polymer, and plus you totes want to live in Vancouver. Also, anything related to engineering for the medical fields (for which people will spend even in recessions) is going to have better job security than something related to engineering for the consumer/product-driven technical fields.

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    I’m number eleven! Just want to point out that she’s bi, and at the last party we both attended both of us made out with everyone at the party. We’re theatre people. Monogamy is so old. I’m pretty sure we could fuck and I still wouldn’t be sure if this was irony.

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    #6 with the “raving homophobe” dad. Maybe your dad is shitty. Maybe he’s not. My dad is a homophobe but he’s also just a shitty dad. I didn’t realize this until after I’d come out to him and tried to convince him I shouldn’t have to go to hell for it. Now it’s been years since I’ve talked to him and I’m a happier person for it.

    What I’m trying to say is, everyone will tell you that parents need time to overcome their prejudice, but not everyone will tell you that some parents are just shitfucks. My mom took yeeearrrzz to come around, but at least she cared enough to try. If your dad cares, he’ll try.

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    2. I’ve watched a lot of people try to maintain relationships from high school to college.

    My advice is, take the school over the person, because if the person is the right person they will not mind the distance and will make it work and do things like schedule phone calls (or skype dates if you have webcams), and they will try to come visit you or you will try to come visit them when you can. Because making it work will matter to them more than anything else.

    However, there’s a chance that once you get to college you will start to change and/or they will start to change because you are in a new phase of your life and in a new place with new people and THAT IS OKAY.

    If this is the case, you’ll want to at least know that you are where you want to be and that you didn’t just stay where you are for a love that no longer is happening.

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    10. I just ate 8 clementines in a row, out of pure boredom. I am sad. But I don’t know why. Why am I sad?

    Myself, I associate clementines with that song, “Oh My Darling Clementine.” And that is a SAD song. So, you know, maybe that was somehow buried in the back of your mind, and the 8 clementines sort of brought it out, but not enough that you noticed it?

    Obvs I have no idea why are you sad, but I do think it’s totally okay to be sad, and it often is a little better if you tell people about it.

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    1. it’s a thing. i’ve been alice, i’ve been tasha, i’ve been jamie. what goes around, comes around, comes around etc. my advice: just be friends with ugly lesbians and/or pretty ones who are in such an intact relationship that even your hot body can’t mess it up.

    2. “staying in LA” sounds lame. go away, see the world, learn. there’s always skype and aeroplanes.

    3. winona ryder? i’d do her. just saying.

    4. imagine not being paid for the work you do. just saying.

    5. none of their business, is it? unless you wanna ask your host family about their sexual preferences.

    6. how much do you love your boyfriend? how much would you miss HIM? and ignore your dad in this scenario, it’s your life.

    7. chem+bio

    8. we’re all fucked up. try to remain mysterious.

    9. make out

    10. vitamin c overdose

    11. print i ♥ u on your hipster boyshorts and take off your pants.

    12. set new rules

    13. explain your reasons. take her to bingo.

    15. move away. delete her from your phone/facebook/skype. or get her to move away. or try to spend more time with people who are not from your inner circle, take up a new hobby. rebound sex also helps to take your mind off her.

    16. DON’T BE A CREEP. better find out what parties she attends and stalk her IRL. THEN add her on facebook. that’s the normal procedure.

    17. you seem to know what the good choices are. make them.

    18. they can’t type or pick up a phone because they’re masturbating, thinking of you. or miranda holly.

    19. it’s all in your head.

    20. thank god you finally moved out. now go do you.

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    1. it’s a thing. i’ve been alice, i’ve been tasha, i’ve been jamie. what goes around, comes around, comes around etc. my advice: just be friends with ugly lesbians and/or pretty ones who are in such an intact relationship that even your hot body can’t mess it up.

    2. “staying in LA” sounds lame. go away, see the world, learn. there’s always skype and aeroplanes.

    3. winona ryder? i’d do her. just saying.

    4. imagine not being paid for the work you do. just saying.

    5. none of their business, is it? unless you wanna ask your host family about their sexual preferences.

    6. how much do you love your boyfriend? how much would you miss HIM? and ignore your dad in this scenario, it’s your life.

    7. chem+bio

    8. we’re all fucked up. try to remain mysterious.

    9. make out in the boiler room! yay! high school!

    10. vitamin c overdose

    11. print i ♥ u on your hipster boyshorts and take off your pants.

    12. set new rules

    13. explain your reasons. take her to bingo.

    15. move away. delete her from your phone/facebook/skype. or get her to move away. or try to spend more time with people who are not from your inner circle, take up a new hobby. rebound sex also helps to take your mind off her.

    16. DON’T BE A CREEP. better find out what parties she attends and stalk her IRL. THEN add her on facebook. that’s the normal procedure.

    17. you seem to know what the good choices are. make them.

    18. they can’t type or pick up a phone because they’re masturbating, thinking of you. or miranda holly.

    19. it’s all in your head.

    20. thank god you finally moved out. now go do you.

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    I don’t have any specific answers. haha. I find that I have always taken comfort in Death, even when it almost happens. I am just happy to be dealing with the Problems of A Living Person.

    Being over existing, ya know?:

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    I’m in awe, kudos to you. Just by graduating from Eng Sci you’ve probably achieved more than I will ever achieve in my entire life, hahaha :P. I don’t know how you handled that, way too intense.

    Sorry, I kind of bashed on your program, in my above comment. I know there’s people who can in fact handle it (i.e. you :P), but it’s definitely a select few. And most people take the horror stories too lightly and then end up hating the program.

    I know two people in that program right now, one told me that he has no social life, and the other one was recently prescribed pills for depression. :S

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    7. First, I am a Texas, so I’m going to talk up Austin. I can’t really speak to what it’s like going to UT. I went to school at a UT system school in Dallas and it was pretty awesome, but UT and the rest of the schools in the UT system don’t really have that much to do with each other.

    However, almost everyone I know who lives in Dallas would rather live in Austin. A. There is an amazing music scene. This might not be important to you, but I love music, especially live music (SXSW, ACL). B. It’s the “Hill Country” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_Hill_Country). If you have any interest in nature, this is an amazing place to live. It’s a major migration path for many varieties of birds, the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center is close by (http://www.wildflower.org/), and basically it has a lot of beautiful scenery. C. If you happen to be a vegetarian, you’ll have plenty of amazing options (though this is probably true of Vancouver too), including Mother’s Cafe (http://www.motherscafeaustin.com/). Not to mention lots and lots of TexMex – if you have never been to Texas you don’t know what you’re missing. D. Everything is so much cheaper in Texas. Ok, I’m not sure about the rest of the country, but I live in NY now and everything (food, rent, alcohol) is so expensive here. E. Central Market – if you have never been to Texas, you won’t know what this is and might not care, but I really miss it. F. Despite being the capital of Texas (i.e. job site of super conservative Republican state politicians), it’s also one of the most liberal cities in Texas (don’t know if you care, but it’s a plus for a lot of people). G. Birth place of the Roller Derby revival and they have a banked track (http://www.txrd.com/). H. It’s close to San Antonio, which among other wonderful things has an amazing Mexican market that sells awesome, warm, cheap blankets.

    That being said, Austin has its downsides too. A. Like every city, it has crime, lots of drug activity, etc. B. Did I mention the whole capital/Republican thing? C. Traffic, so much traffic and the city is built on aquifers, so there is not much to be done about the traffic. D. I’ve never heard anything good said about public transportation in Texas. I’m sure Austin has some form of public transit, but you will probably need a car or you will need to know someone who does. E. It is hot, really hot. If you have never lived in Texas or any of the Southwest, you will probably be amazed at how hot it can get. Some years we have weeks of 100 degree (Fahrenheit) weather and it’s even hotter in Austin than Dallas. F. I’m sure there are other things that I can’t think of yet.

    I should also say that I applied (was accepted, but didn’t ultimately go) to UBC. I think Vancouver would be an amazing place to live. It’s the Pacific Northwest, so of course it’s beautiful. I’m sure it has its good sides and bad sides, but every place does. If music is your thing, of course there is music in Vancouver. Plus, you would be about 3 hours from Seattle (according to Google – by car) and only about 6 hours from Portland (again according to Google – by car). (These distances may seem long. However, I’m from Texas, so it doesn’t really seem like an unreasonable distance to go by car, although a different mode of transportation might be faster/more convenient.)

    Basically it really depends on your personal preference, but here are things to consider:
    1. What is it going to cost you per month to live in each city (cost estimates are usually easy to find with a bit of searching)?
    2. Are you more interested in one program over the other? If you want to do research, does one school offer more research opportunities for undergrads (if you are an undergrad that is)? If you are an undergrad who wants to go to grad school and want a job in academia, you might look at which one offers a better grad program, then choose the other school so you won’t get your undergrad and grad degree from the same school – this can be an issue in the academic job market.
    3. If you are interested in research, have you looked into what labs are operating in your major at each school and which labs are doing research you are interested in?
    4. Do you already have friends attending either school? This isn’t as important because you can always make friends when you get there. However, it can be good to have someone around that you know.

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    16. You should message her because if it was me, I’d want to be messaged. If it is me, message me.

    I friend requested a girl, and claimed I was drunk [which I was], therefore I should not be responsible for my actions. It worked, but I haven’t followed up with anything… and that was New Years, hence the drunkard.

    So, I guess the ending advice would be, follow up with something. Don’t stay in limbo.

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    1. I feel like it’s been a long time since I have met a coupled lesbian who doesn’t think I’m after her girlfriend? Look, I hardly like ANYBODY, doubt your girlfriend is my soulmate dude. Is this a thing? I dunno, it feels insulting, thaat’s all. TELL FUNNY JOKES. MERRIMENT MAKES OTHER PEOPLE FORGET THEIR INSECURITIES.

    2. I’ve been on and off with this girl since we were 12. I’ll be going off to college soon. She’s staying in LA. I’ve already gotten accepted to Cal State LA and Chico, but LA doesn’t have my 1st choice of a major. Should I give her up for my future? YEP

    4. If a musician is good, but as a person they are not so good, is it wrong to buy their album and financially support the life they lead? It just encourages them, does it not? See: Mister Kanye West. NO ONE IS PERFECT

    5. Interviewing for a live-in nanny job. I’ll have a studio with it’s own entrance, still way more intimate than past babysitting… What/when/should I even say anything ever about the “i’m gay” thing? I live in the Bay Area, so they’re presumably liberal. NOT THEIR BUSINESS, BUT IF YOU FEEL SO INCLINED THEN TELL THEM BEFORE THEY THINK YOU’RE SNEAKING AROUND AND DEALING DRUGS OUT OF THEIR STUDIO APT WHILE TAKING CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN.

    8. Is it ever okay to tell people how fucked up you are? It seems like a really shitty excuse. But what else is there to do, just let them find out on their own?? Aaaaaaugh. OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SIMILAR FUCKEDUPEDNESS.

    9. So this cute gay girl with an adorable haircut showed up at my high school this year. We were flirting today and talking about how awesome Tegan and Sara are. I am now burning her a CD of my favorite T&S songs. Tegan and Sara = lesbian foreplay? PRETTY MUCH

    10. I just ate 8 clementines in a row, out of pure boredom. I am sad. But I don’t know why. Why am I sad? EAT SMARTIES, AT LEAST YOU’LL BE HAVING A MULTICULTURAL EXPERIENCE AT THE SAME TIME AS BENG SAD. MAYBE=LESS SAD, PERHAPS.

    11. Riese, all my friends are ironic hipsters. Everything we say is a joke. How can I tell if one of them actually fancies me or if she is just expressing her platonic love? And how can I make my feelings known to her? TELL A JOKE WITHOUT A PUNCH LINE. THEN YOU’RE JUST TALKING FOR REAL.

    12.I cannot stand my roommate’s boyfriend, and he is here ALL the time. What should I do? I get so annoyed when he is here. TAKE VIOLIN LESSONS.

    13. I’m beginning to question my religion. My grandma is gonna be so pissed but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in god. Not in a catholic sense anyway. How should I tell my grandma that I’m not gonna keep going to church anymore? TELL HER YOU’VE FOUND THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY MATTRESS AND IT’S CLOSER TO YOUR IDEOLOGICAL BELIEFS.

    15. please tell me how to get over a girl (same circle of friends) that i’ve been with for the last 9 years? she’s my first ever gf… we’ve been living together for the last 4 yrs and now.. well.. let’s just say she found someone else that’s not me. GOOD TEQUILA WITH FRESH LIMES. THEN, FIND NEW FRIENDS BY TELLING FUNNY JOKES AND/OR TRAVELING.

    16. i found a cute lesbian girl on my college network when i was browsing on f.bk. i havent seen her in the (small) lgbt scene in our city. considering i dont know her, it would be hard to meet coincidently. would it be weird to f.bk msg her? NOPE

    17. okay so, in the most general of terms, me and my ex-girlfriend/current best friend share an addiction. not to a substance, per se. just to, our circumstances. the unhappiness? an addiction to making bad choices? i don’t know, but i feel a need to grow. START A GARDEN-FOR REAL.

    18. Why is it that only boys return my calls and emails but not the girls I talk to? I KNOW AND YOU KNOW. THAT MAKES TWO OF US WHO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS-BESIDES EVERYONE ELSE WHO READS THIS WEBSITE.

    19. I am so extremely a top. My enjoyment of sex comes completely from making the other girl feel whatever I want her to. Because of this, I have never been able to masturbate, since I need a chick’s reactions to keep me going. Tips? MORE ADVENTURE.

    20. I’m 25 and I just moved out of my parents’ house a couple weeks ago. I’m hoping that by having my own place I will be encouraged to come out to my family. I live in the Midwest and I’m terrified of my parents’ reaction. Advice?
    IF YOU’RE 25, AND YOU DON’T DATE BOYS, AND YOU’VE BEEN LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS UNTIL RECENTLY, THEY PROBS HAVE ALREADY GUESSED ON SOME LEVEL.

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    1. it’s a thing. i’ve been alice, i’ve been tasha, i’ve been jamie. what goes around, comes around, comes around etc. my advice: just be friends with ugly lesbians and/or pretty ones who are in such an intact relationship that even your hot body can’t mess it up.

    2. “staying in LA” sounds lame. go away, see the world, learn. there’s always skype and aeroplanes.

    3. winona ryder? i’d do her. just saying.

    4. imagine not being paid for the work you do. just saying.

    5. none of their business, is it? unless you wanna ask your host family about their sexual preferences.

    6. how much do you love your boyfriend? how much would you miss HIM? and ignore your dad in this scenario, it’s your life.

    7. chem+bio

    8. we’re all fucked up. try to remain mysterious.

    9. make out in the boiler room! yay! high school!

    10. vitamin c overdose

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      11. print i ♥ u on your hipster boyshorts and take off your pants.

      12. set new rules

      13. explain your reasons. take her to bingo.

      15. move away. delete her from your phone/facebook/skype. or get her to move away. or try to spend more time with people who are not from your inner circle, take up a new hobby. rebound sex also helps to take your mind off her.

      16. DON’T BE A CREEP. better find out what parties she attends and stalk her IRL. THEN add her on facebook. that’s the normal procedure.

      17. you seem to know what the good choices are. make them.

      18. they can’t type or pick up a phone because they’re masturbating, thinking of you. or miranda holly.

      19. it’s all in your head.

      20. thank god you finally moved out. now go do you.

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    I am girl #6. I dumped my boyfriend last week and now I am happier than ever. She is mine and I am hers. The sex is amazing, I feel like I might die / have a heart attack / be in heaven whenever we do it. Definately the right decision. haven’t told dad, don’t give a shit. If dad personally killed me with his own hands it would be worth how amazing the last week has been. I feel like myself, no longer afraid and nothing is missing

    :-)

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    4. If the artist in question is still alive and making money off the art in question (since for me, this is usually Wagner who comes up here, and obviously he’s long dead so I don’t have to worry about my purchase of the Solti Ring cycle going to support his anti-Semitism), then I usually try to find a way to get their work without the money going directly to them. It doesn’t have to be illegal downloading, it can be buying it second-hand or buying it from a friend (the latter of which is still illegal in the case of music but…whatever). For example, I really like the Ender novels of Orson Scott Card, but he’s a raging homophobe who is on the board of NOM, so obviously I don’t want my money to go to support my own disenfranchisement. So I will buy his books only at second-hand bookstores, or borrow them from friends.

    That said, I don’t know that Kanye West is someone who I would put in the quality of “such a jerk that I don’t want to give him my money for his music.” It’s not like he’s a bigot or an abuser, he’s just someone with an inflated ego. That said, he makes enough money anyway, I would just download it. And a little-known secret: Speaking as a musician, most of us do not have a problem with illegal-downloading. We do it, we know other people are going to do it with our music (at least, with my music once it’s available online!), and we’d rather live in a world where music is accessible than one that is controlled by the record companies. As others have pointed out, musicians usually make their money through tours, it’s the record companies who make most of the money off the recordings – and I don’t really have a problem with keeping my money away from them.

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