GChatting for Freedom: The Vice Presidential Debate

In an attempt to recreate the fun-filled, adrenaline-packed atmosphere of having a debate-viewing party in your very own home, we have decided to do our debate coverage in the form of a gchat between Senior Editor Rachel and Contributing Editor Carmen, with occasional appearances from Community Managerette Lemon. They are qualified for this job via their strong feelings about the candidates and marginally competent knowledge of the issues at hand. Also, once Rachel won a Long Island iced tea at a bar for her performance at Sarah Palin Bingo during the last election, so. This will be more fun to read if you’ve watched the debate, but if you haven’t, we’ve embedded it for you!

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Rachel: Carmen are you watching

Carmen: Yes
it’s already hilarious
#mudslides

Rachel: Wait all I can see are people shifting in their seat

Carmen: That’s what’s happening

Rachel: Oh good

Carmen: A white lady is talking

Rachel: I can’t hear her

Carmen: Before she said ‘chamillionaire is apparently hip-hop’ and I spit my drink out
Also my mom is in the room?

Rachel: Oh hi Mrs. Rios
Cool that a woman is moderating I guess?
Wish that it was Rachel Maddow though
Or someone not white and blond, even
I wish they televised the coin toss like in football games
Actually wait i have no idea if that actually happens

Carmen: Shouldn’t people who work in politics have like poker faces
THEY’RE SO BAD AT THIS ALREADY TBH

Rachel: I always totally forget what Biden looks like

Carmen: lol her name is Martha
He got a lil stocky and his voice sounds weird

Rachel: It’s a surprise every time, like the little plastic castle

Carmen: Yes

Rachel: Wow, going straight for terrorists!

Carmen: yeah wow

Rachel: Not pulling any punches huh Martha
She’s really showing up Lehrer

Carmen: ‘Restoring America’s heart’ that was sweet
WHOA.

Rachel: We have to drink every time he mentions Bin Laden, you know that right

Carmen: ‘Track you to the gates of hell’ DAMN, and Ryan smiling like ‘I’ve been there!’

Rachel: I feel like this is already way more factual than the presidential debate was. Biden is going hard in the paint.

Carmen: Ryan thinks we need more guns!

Rachel: I think you’re ahead of me, Ryan hasn’t started talking yet in my world

Carmen: WHAT!

Rachel: YOU’RE IN THE FUTURE CARMEN

Carmen: Haha omg he is going HARD rn against Biden/Obama and trying to play up Romney being better with Libya, which is funny since Romney literally fucked up everything abroad possible

Rachel: I feel like Ryan’s speech mannerisms are really overly careful, like he is talking to a stupid person or reading poetry

Carmen: YES I feel that
lots of….
….
….pauses

Rachel: Poetry about fascism, obviously

Carmen: It’s never too early / to speak up for / our values
We should not have called him a reformer / when he was turning guns / on his own people

Rachel: *Finger snaps*

Carmen: My mom is now yelling from the other room

Rachel: What is she saying?

Carmen: “Asshole!”

Rachel:Biden is straight up giggling at what Ryan is saying. Love it. WHOA Biden! “With all due respect that is a bunch of malarkey”

THIS IS WHAT MALARKEY LOOKS LIKE

Carmen: How 1940′s polite gentleman of him

Rachel: I’m feeling good about this, this is some strong rhetoric

Carmen: “I don’t know what my friend is talking about!”

Rachel: Biden has clearly been drinking his Gatorade, is bringing is A game

Carmen: Yo Joe Biden is gonna dominate. Like I feel like the people in the front rows paid to see this because Joe Biden is a sight to be seen

Rachel: Do you think the average debate watcher really even knows that there was a crisis w/r/t Libya? I’m not asking that in a catty way, but just because I always wonder what these debates mean to people

Carmen: no, I don’t
I don’t think ANYONE knew wtf was going on in the first debate
way too wonky
also Ryan is trying to call Obama/Biden out on flip flopping
TROLOLOL

Rachel: Also, this is maybe a dumb questions, but who actually decides the debate questions? The moderator?

Carmen: Romney should avoid that at all costs
the ‘comission’ I assume

Rachel: omg I know

Carmen: “I’d actually like to move to Iran”
the moderator said that

Rachel: “What we should not be apologizing for is standing up for our values.” What exactly are our “values” w/r/t burning Qur’ans? Like please, elaborate.

Carmen: GOD
JESUS

Rachel: Ryan is good at looking at the camera strategically, I’ll give him that

Carmen: I feel like ryan is literally telling stories
yeah Biden needs some media training tbh
I think it’s ’cause they’re sitting down
threw them off

Rachel: “Can the two of you be absolutely clear and specific,” seems like she learned a lot from the first debate
Also wow, going straight to military strikes! this is just not a drill

Carmen: Ugh, I hate talking about the military this way
stop talking about the ~details
TALK ABOUT GETTING US THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

Rachel: I don’t think I can really take discussions on military decisions in good faith. like maybe it was being raised by a Quaker pinko commie single mom (love you mom!)

Carmen: Also I feel like ryan talking about nuclear weapons is cheap

Rachel: But yeah I’m just not interested in hearing about anything other than de-escalating any military action

Carmen: Wow. “Let’s look at this from the eye of an Ayatollah.”
Paul Ryan, are you TRASHED

Rachel: I do not think Paul Ryan is qualified to do that. Wow this is so real! I’m genuinely pretty uninformed on these foreign policy issues tbh

Carmen: Yeah who is bb #embarrassed

Rachel: Mostly this is just making me really anxious

Carmen: wait Joe Biden just laughed and looked up to the gods
that’s how right he knows he is
side note: he makes Paul Ryan look like a teenage boy

Rachel: Paul Ryan’s face creeps me out so much. I know that’s not incisive political commentary, but I can’t not say it. There’s this Buffy episode where there’s an evil frat where college boys try to sacrifice girls to a malicious reptile god, I feel like Paul Ryan would belong to it

Carmen: The ayatollahs want a nuclear weapon, just like when kids pass a yo-yo in the store. That’s what I just got out of this
omg Paul Ryan just recycled a scripted line about Russia.

Rachel: I think what Biden is ultimately trying to do here is make the point that we don’t have to operate out of fear on these decisions
which is a point I admire

Carmen: Yes, I think that makes sense. And saying that the president knows what the fuck is going on because HELLO, he is actually president unlike anyone else and talks to people and works on it
“this president does not bluff” – winning line

Rachel: Good, yes
god, Martha is just not fucking around
did she really just ask “which is worse, war in the middle east or a nuclear weapon?”

Carmen: Wow.

extremely real

Rachel: YEAH BIDEN
“war should always be the absolute last resort”

Carmen: Yes
and omg okay yes bringing up the improvements is a GREAT FUCKING STRATEGY YES

Rachel: Wow. “Can you get unemployment to under 6% and how long will it take?”

Carmen: I think Biden’s monologue is literally like the most moving thing I’ve ever witnessed

Rachel: I agree. Although I also almost cried in the doctor’s waiting room today at an ABC family show about a dad dying, so it might just be me tbh. YES thank you for bringing up the 47%

Carmen: omg Ryan said the economy is ‘limping along’ HAHA YR DUDE MADE IT CRIPPLED SO

Rachel: what’s the Kahlil Gibran quote? Even those who limp go not backwards?

Carmen: I hate when they blame democrats for not cleaning up the dog shit their animals leave in the bathroom y’know
is that too strong
YES

Rachel: The Chris Rock line is really good, “this guy couldn’t cure cancer, so you’re going to vote for cancer?”
I feel like it’s important to note that regardless of what Republicans think they’re going to do to create jobs, they’re 100% going to slash support for the people who still don’t have jobs. Like it’s not that comforting to know you might someday get a job sort of if you can’t get unemployment or welfare.

Carmen: Yeah I feel that for sure.

Rachel: “Romney’s a good man”
GOOD JOB PAUL RYAN, YOU WIN

Carmen: Oh wow Biden just brought up that time his wife died
#TEARS

Rachel: “Sometimes the words don’t come out of your mouth the right way!”
tiny violin for Romney/Ryan

Carmen: HAHAHAHA

Rachel: This is like the Akin situation

Carmen: “Sometimes we don’t have enough time to properly script lies for you. Vote Romney/Ryan.”

Rachel: You can’t “misspeak” that hard
also I didn’t know that about Biden’s wife and daughter
Jesus

Carmen: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD BIDEN ALREADY WON THE DEBATE HOLY SHIT “YOU JUST ACT LIKE THE GREAT RECESSION FELL OUT OF THE SKY IT’S YOUR FAULT”
#somoved

Rachel: I think it’s a good move to say that he doesn’t doubt Romney’s commitment to individuals but that he still doesn’t like his record, also
moving the discussion to where it actually belongs

Carmen: Yes, away from personal and back to actual information
I think it’s weird that Romney/Ryan talk about what they’ll do without revealing how, still

Rachel: I want to show this to my students to talk about actual argumentation as opposed to logical fallacies

Carmen: Even after being called out, like multiple times
WHERE IS THE PLAN.

Rachel: It’s crazy how they can get away with it, though
like I think on some level I thought there were rules about this
like “you can’t just make shit up” or “you have to have a plan”
APPARENTLY NOT

Carmen: Absolutely not
that’s right-wing politics. For sure. At least as of late.

Rachel: Oh my god Ryan just avoided answering that question so hard

Carmen: “We would’ve done it better! But we don’t know how. We just know.”

Rachel: “When can you get it below 6%?” “Well, that’s what our plan will do!”

Carmen: Biden literally keeps laughing
it’s the best,
and now he’s just like on some freeway shit

Carmen: Did Paul Ryan just admit he lives with his mom? Also I feel like saying “we’ve all had tragedies in our lives” after Biden’s story is mad awkward / disrespectful, y’know. Like damn.

Rachel: “Medicare and entitlements”
take away the “s” and it’s Paul Ryan’s life story

Carmen: Your grandma living with you? Not like your wife dying.

Rachel: Omg if I have to watch Ryan talk like he’s going to defend Medicare I will literally throw up. It will be on some Linda Blair projectile shit.

Carmen: YES ME TOO YES. I hate when they blatantly lie. “We love Medicare! We love Social Security! We love poor people!”
#lie #morelying #somanylies

Rachel: Omg he’s perpetuating the exact same lie he’s already been called on as far as Obama taking money from Medicare?
this is so ballsy and awful

Carmen: Yeah but Biden is just like ‘oh hell no.’

Rachel: Oh my God, Ryan, YOU INVENTED THE VOUCHER THING. I will never get over how blatantly they pin the things they themselves have done on Obama. Biden getting really real with the camera eye contact, very nice

Carmen: Always and forever. So at this point Obama is so over it that he is just like ‘no stop talking you lying thirteen-year-old boy’
Oh shit she asked for a plan!! Rachel do you think they have one? Bets on no. I’ll drink this pitcher if I’m wrong.

Rachel: You have a pitcher??

Carmen: Of mudslide!

Rachel: Very nice. Biden is so sassy!!

Carmen: This moderator is really good. and YES. I think he pregamed.

Next: Lemon joins us, taxes, war, and abortion!

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Rachel is Autostraddle's Senior Editor and the editor who presides over books and news & politics coverage. Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy."

Rachel has written 749 articles for us.

14 Comments

  1. Thumb up 3

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    Carmen’s mom sounds like my mom. I’m pretty sure it took my mom a lot of self-control not to punch the TV every time Paul Ryan opened his mouth. Needless to say, with me, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…

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    Couldn’t they have thrown a bone to the gays on NCOD? That part disappointed me.

    Biden was almost too good at calling Ryan on his bullshit. I can’t decide if he should have been more polite/professional or if that was a good way to show YOUR BULLSHIT IS BULLSHIT.

    I almost used the wrong ‘you’re,’ you can see how many feelings I have about this.

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    I spent 80% of the debate yelling, either “THAT IS FALSE!” at Ryan, or some variation of “yay,” “yesyesyes,” etc. at Biden. Also that time Paul Ryan was making fun of Biden but ended up giving us a way to make fun of Romney way more – “sometimes the words don’t come out of your mouth the right way!”

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    I do have to say that while I overall thought Biden did a great job of handing Ryan his ass, I really wish he had taken a stronger line on contradicting what Ryan said about the contraception mandate. See, it is easy, if you don’t really understand the issue of the separation of church and state and how it’s been interpreted in the courts, to think that something like that is unconstitutional, so I do think those of us who get it need to be better at explaining why. Especially when you’re the VP in a vice presidential debate. It’s nice that he pointed out that explicitly religious organizations (e.g. not colleges and hospitals) don’t have it, but I think he needed to go further than that.

  5. Thumb up 2

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    “There’s this Buffy episode where there’s an evil frat where college boys try to sacrifice girls to a malicious reptile god, I feel like Paul Ryan would belong to it”

    i JUST rewatched this episode and all i can say is YES YES YES 100x YES

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