FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Are You the Next Host of ‘Late Show’?

It’s time for another Friday Open Thread! It’s a place for feelings, opinions, and even nonsensical strings of letters if that’s what you’re into at this moment in time. There will be an open thread every Friday, as Carmen has mentioned before. Unfortunately I don’t have a girlfriend, cute dog, or nacho recipes to share. I understand this is a step down but please love me anyway, I NEED THIS. Carmen has so many flattering pictures of herself and others. Meanwhile, this is me needing a haircut and a better sense of what I should and should not put on the internet:

IMAG1580

Tonight I’m doing an improv show called CAMP! which is unfortunately not a show where everyone from A-Camp surprises me by showing up in Los Angeles without warning (OR IS IT?). Other than that, I’m trying to find a manager so that I can write for more television shows. DREAM BIG Y’ALL. This has required me to go over my materials and I’m starting to worry that NO ONE WILL LIKE MY VOICE. But it’s fine. I momentarily comforted myself by making the title of a serious email I sent to a friend that’s helping with this pursuit, “Much charming, so talent, very wow.” I’m sure they don’t regret their involvement at all.

I’m currently obsessed with this song:

Which caused someone to send me this picture:
disclosure

We’re having fun.

If you hadn’t heard, David Letterman is stepping down from hosting Late Show. I know this isn’t the target demo for keeping up with the goings on of straight white dudes on TV but there have been so many people throwing their hat in the ring for the job that I had to stop and think who would be my ideal replacement. Ellen Page? The cast of OITNB? Chelsea Peretti? Anyone beside the person they will inevitably pick? No. It’s my little brother Ryan. A boy whose voice is entirely too deep for a seven-year-old and the only person in my family more withholding than I am. #RyanforLateNight

I’m obsessed with the idea of my little brother hosting a late night talk show so I want you all to tell me who your ideal host is whether it be a celebrity, family member, friend, or yourself. I wanna hear about your life, your job, your everything. Also, it seems that this open thread is an opportunity for all you heroes to post pictures of yourselves which is so so genius. Please continue this trend.


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Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 290 articles for us.

115 Comments

  1. Thumb up 7

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    My ideal talk show host would be my 5-year-old nephew, who always asks the most unexpected questions (“Aunty, how many fans are there in your house?”), has a tendency to express his opinions starting with the word “actually…” (said in an over-pronounced north London accent), and uses fancy turns of phrase that sound weird coming out of a kid’s mouth.

    Fridays are my day off and my weather app said it was raining, so I was sad, but it actually did not rain and I spent almost three hours just walking around town and the beach. The entire time I was walking, my weather app insisted it was raining, so I feel like I beat the weather.

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    Hi Brittani. How about You and DeAnne Smith totally rocking the show? You could be co-hosts. I heard DeAnne interview you and you just bounced off of her.
    I would love it if you and DeAnne were the co-hosts and you brought in Autostraddles team every so often, so even though it would be mainly comedy, there would be a major Lesbian Separatist Feminist Frontier Land thing going on. Just putting it out there.

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    I’m (hopefully still) going to a “First Friday” thing at ye olde local sex toy shop that’s been in business for 7 years~~. I, uh, had to lie to my father (aka The Driver) about “meeting up” with people; the part i wasn’t lying about was not having money to take buses. Womp womp. That awkward moment where you try to Have a Life That Includes Sexual Things But You Have to Work Around Your Parents So They Don’t Know Really. (Which also sucks because this place is hiring & it’s very part time-y but $11.50/hr@!@!!!!!! i would never get the job in the 1st place but but but -insert violent sobbing here-)

    I also relate to Not Having Good Pictures of Oneself (though tbh i like that picture of you??? if that doesn’t sound weird oh god). People never take pictures of me, & then i take pictures of myself & they never turn out okay at all. And i take waaay too many pictures because i’m borderline obsessed with how other people view me physically & so then i have even less computer space & i just need to seriously go through everything & delete stuff. Which i’m not doing today/tonight because, uh, sex toy store stuff. Wheeeeeee! (lbr i’ll end up just buying books. & trying to not be awkward. ahaaaaaah)

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    I’ve been awake for the past two days because of chronic insomnia, and I’ve listened to these two songs about 100 times each in the past 24 hours:

    I think I could get on board with Kate McKinnon taking over for Letterman, since it seems to be a trend of appointing SNL castmembers to late night host positions.

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    I’ve successfully procrastinated for a full 48 hours watching The Office non-stop! And I’ve also been rejected from my first choice of university! Not a great start to the weekend! Exclamation marks!!

  6. Thumb up 9

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    My vote would have to go for the Deanne Smith/Brittani co-host idea. I would actually get cable just to watch that shit in real time.

    Today is apparently anxiety day because I spent a couple hours this morning freaking out waiting on the (super late) internet guy to activate the internet in my house. Then I got way too excited about having internet and decided I need to work on being my authentic self in front of people (whyyy?) so I posted this video on youtube:

    And tomorrow I have a pt test: 2 min pushups, 2 min situps, and 2 mile run which I may or may not pass. I hate running. I fear running. Well, except the horizontal kind.

    Yay, freak out friday!

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    It’s already Saturday morning in Australia and I’m about to go for a work out. Weights and shit, yeah! Then I’m heading to a gaming cafe for International Tabletop Day. I’m gonna play so many games! :)

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    Today is the Stonewall Japan/Rainbow Love Tokyo “big gay hanami party,” where a bunch of us queers will go sit on tarps, eat food and look at flowers together. I’m shy, tho, so I’m bringing Reese’s peanut butter Easter eggs to share. (They’re really hard to find here.)

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        So far I have people with 6 of the 11 flavors. I decided that on Friday or Saturday it will be a night of drink combos to see if I can find an acceptable concoction from either their own recipes or whatever I fancy throwing in a glass. I don’t think my tastebuds will ever recover from the weird that is Cinnabon and I caution people on the County Fair Cotton.

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    I’d like to second Deanne Smith as new Late Night host. XD Girl can work a monologue.

    Job-wise, me and a co-worker will having a Jenna Marbles style crying-over-my-masters-degree moment because we recently learned that both of us have JDs from Tier 1 law schools. And yet we both work in a bar. I’m ashamed for both myself and society that I earned more money in tips from wearing a tank top than I ever did helping victims of DV or working for the UN Human Rights Council. -_-;;

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    I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis about a month ago, and I’ve been in and out of the hospital since (currently in). I’ve had to drop out of school completely. I haven’t been responding to any of the treatments and am facing the option of serious surgery. I really don’t have much social support right now, and I’m having a really hard time dealing with this emotionally. I’m currently listening to Haim and trying to feel okay.

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    Ok, let’s see if I can make this image thing work:

    I went to Louisville Kentucky this week and there were several wig shops really close to our hotel. I never figured out why, does anyone from that part of the world know? Anyway, it was awesome so I added to my wig collection.

    In other news, I’m still really sad about Bomb Girls. I’m thinking about taking the plunge and writing some fanfiction for the first time about how the Bomb Girls movie should have gone.

  12. Thumb up 4

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    I actually took a photo yesterday (Friday in Australia) in preparation of this thread, because you think of a lot of things you can do other than studying when you’re studying

    I spent the day working on assignments in the Rainbow Room at my university and I’m probably heading back there today to finish my assignment. Once I get off autostraddle… and stop eating cereal… and watching youtube videos…

    No, seriously, I am going.

    In a bit.

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    Today I attended a summit on trauma informed child care, featuring lots of heavy statistics about racial inequalities in my area which made want to punch the county I live in really really hard.

    Tomorrow I’m going to a barn dance, which could be awesome or could be terrible. We’ll see.

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    It is Saturday here in NZ, I had a busy day with many in and outpatients all rocking up on Friday, so had an early night followed by a beautiful hour and a halfs massage today – I treat myself to one every month. After blissing out for that I’ve invited my sister, her husband and two kids around for homo made vege nachos, guacamole (yes Brittani, yes), and she is bringing pudding. So now post massage I am procrastinating, changing my avatar on AS to Nigel Tufnel (my male hero) and generally in a chocolate eating tea drinking chillaxing mood. Its sunny too. Tomorrow, though, when my body aches in places it used to play (thanks Leonard Cohen), I am walking a mountain – gently.

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    Wow, talk about an eventful night??? I KNOW NOBODY CARES BUT seriously, like, & not in the way you think. Because i got to the place– walked the rest of the way, thanks for ride dad, no i’m not going to a sex toy shop at all haha– & there were protesters outside. Because the new location that this shop just moved to is no longer really accessible for some disabled persons; it has a small step in front of the door, but no ramp. So they were protesting that & i was like, oh wow. The comments i heard from passersby were really eyeroll-worthy, both “ugh why are they protesting that so dumb” & also mature snickering because sex. My friend showed up & she seemed fairly ambivalent, which surprised me? For me it’s like, wow, i’m surprised that a progressive store of nice people hasn’t addressed accessibility in their new place yet?

    But also, whiny baby part, conflict of any kind gets me anxious, so we futzed around in two other places & i was just super awkwardly nervous. So we went & talked to the protesters, talking about what was happening & how surprising it was that no one had said anything yet, all that.

    It got interesting when a disabled person showed up for work at the sex toy shop, & she was irritated saying, “Now you’re making it inaccessible” & it felt really tense for a while there, & the protesters were saying, “We just want a written agreement that this issue will be discussed” & the worker was like, “When [someone] came out here, you yelled at her! She can’t hear you; she is deaf in one ear! If she comes out here will you talk to her without yelling?” & people said yes.

    A pagan woman who owns a store next to where the sex toy shop had been came over & was telling the protesters they were pathetic?? Which was very disappointing, like beyond belief, like wow come on. Then two cops showed up, which made me feel edgy, & the pagan woman was talking at them or something.

    So the lady came out & positioned herself in front of the guy who decided he’d speak for the group so that she could hear him. And they had their discourse & she said “I agree, this is an important issue close to me, & i give seminars on disability & sexuality because, you know, I’m disabled”, but she also said, at some point, that “No, we were in the wrong, & there’s no other way to put it” & she apologized & people clapped for her & said “thank you” & i was like, holy shit, someone actually saying “i apologize for being wrong”????? Since when! And the cops were just kind of watching & listening & not interfering!

    And so the protesters said “We just want a written agreement that this will be discussed,” so the lady went inside to write that up & to have it signed, & the disabled worker was talking & laughing with some of the protesters a bit. They came back out with the printed out statement, signed by two people, agreeing to a meeting with the group no later than a month from today, & everyone was like Yes, this is what we wanted, & they cheered for it. And the cops had long since been like “whatever” & left, haha.

    And it makes me glad, because the people who work at the shop are seriously nice people. Like, my friend & i did end up going in after the agreement had been secured– because i wasn’t comfortable with the fact that i, as an able-bodied person, could go in any earlier– & i was talking to the lady who had been out there earlier randomly about personal-ish stuff & she was really nice about it (because i’m awkward & overshare, i guess? sorry, lady, seriously) & it was comfortable to discuss it with someone face-to-face, &… Like, that’s the kind of people who work there. And some are also physically disabled, & legitimately care about accessibility along with sexual stuff. And, just, i hope they come to an awesome resolution that works for everyone. I know apparently the building is listed as “historic”, which basically means the shell is protected but you can do whatever to the inside. But i really really hope their meeting goes well & that there’s a good resolution because i do believe the workers there care & that it’s a part of the store’s mission & everything.

    And on a completely ridiculous side, i stared at rodeohs & made awkward eye contact twice with a really cute girl who was modeling stuff for the event & i said nothing to her.

    …..and my makeup is a wreck. Kind of disappointed in this eyeliner? Like it smudges? And i wasn’t even, like, physically active tonight? Help? Anyone? I think i like my old one that i’m running out of better than the one i just paid $6 or so for. What do i doooooo

    (sorry for the long comment of novella length!)

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    i was totally supposed to meet my friend about 3 hours ago, and she is in from new orleans so i really need to see her, BUT.

    there is argentinian cab, and there is the voice on hulu.

    aaaaand i am on my fourth glass.

    maybe my friend and i will check out some bloody marys in the morning.

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    I am currently in bed gorging on carrots and roasted garlic hummus, just minding my own business, watching veronica mars when suddenly a wild kristin cavallari from laguna beach appears on my screen playing a lesbian cheerleader! I was not prepared for my overwhelmingly positive reaction to this.

    Also, I feel as though Jane Lynch in a suit and tie would make an uncanny replacement for letterman.

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    Its Saturday morning. But, on Friday, I cut my own hair, on a whim. I have never cut my own hair before, except maybe as a curious child, with terrible results. I think I did ok, although I keep finding weird uneven long spots. Meh.

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