Faking It Episode 102 Recap: Binders Full Of Lesbians

Welcome to the second recap of the first season of Faking It, a delightful new twenty-minute rom-com from the network that brought you Once Upon a Prom and Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave. 


We open smack-dab in the nougat center of an unfortunately heterosexual situation: Karma and Liam are making out atop Karma’s bed. Liam passionately whispers, “what about your girlfriend?” and Karma passionately responds, “she’s not my girlfriend” and then Liam takes off his shirt. WHAT IS THIS CHIPPENDALES WHERE ARE THE LESBIANS

womp womp

Womp womp

Never fear, queers — this scene is quickly cut short by the blare of an ambitious bedside alarm clock. It was all but a dream/nightmare.

Fuck did I accidentally put two tampons in

Dammit, I should’ve worn two tampons to bed

Next up we have Amy’s dream, which is the kind of dream we all prefer to dream when we dream a little dream, dreamweavers, because it involves Karma rolling over in bed and kissing Amy. Nobody has morning breath because everything is always minty fresh in your subconscious.

A+

Hey-o

Unfortunately, Amy’s jolted back to waking life/reality by Lauren, who’s wearing a super fancy outfit for 6 AM and measuring Amy’s room, which she plans on moving in to. See, Lauren’s pissed that these two lezzers stole her homecoming queen glory and thus is blackmailing Amy to hand over the square footage or else get “outed.”

Alright loser, I'm ready to settle the 'who has the longest fingers' contest once and for all

Alright loser, I’m ready to settle the ‘who has the longest fingers’ contest once and for all


Cut to wholesome and hearty family breakfast time, where Amy’s father Bruce is asking the good lord Jesus almightly amen to look over Amy’s Mom Farrah on this fine day as she makes the career leap from Weather to News. It’s consistently hard to remember that Amy, not Lauren, is Farrah’s daughter, isn’t it?

Oh, Serpent One, hear our calls, hear our prayers! Ancient Wise One, teach us thy ways! We summon and stir thee! Lend us your powers, show us your glory! We invoke thee! We invoke thee! We invoke thee!

Oh, Serpent One, hear our calls, hear our prayers! Ancient Wise One, teach us thy ways! We summon and stir thee! Lend us your powers, show us your glory! We invoke thee! We invoke thee! We invoke thee!

Farrah then registers some complaints regarding her daughter’s rejection of patriarchal hair institutions. No comment on the GAY AS FUCK Lucky Dog Leather wristcuff she’s wearing, however.

Farrah: “Amy, I’m sorry, but you have such gorgeous hair, and you just let it hang there, limp. (Farrah touches Amy’s hair, which has clearly been styled by Hair & Makeup for at least 20 minutes but whatever) And those look like a homeless man’s pajamas. Why don’t you wear that cute skirt I got you?”
Bruce: “I think she looks great. You know it takes a strong woman to wear pants every day.”
Amy: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Bitch you better pass me the potatoes before I mash your face in

Bitch you better pass me the potatoes before I mash your face in

Bruce and Farrah wanna know if Lauren and her sockless boyfriend Tommy won Homecoming Queen and King, but Lauren laments that they lost to “a pair of lesbians.”

Bruce: “Now honey, there’s no reason to call them names just because they beat you. I raised you better than that.”
Lauren: “I’m not, Dad. We lost to two girls. I told you, the public school system in this town is broken.”
Bruce: “We should have never put that man into the White House—”
Farrah: “Marriage is one thing. But homecoming? When does it stop?”

Welp, this is gonna be awkward.


We starsweep on over to Karma’s bedroom, where Amy’s lezzing out on the bed demanding that they break up before her mom finds out. Karma insists that they stay together ’til their celebrity status is ofish cemented.

Look at me. How could you not already know that I'm a raging homosexual?

Look at me. How could you NOT want to auto straddle me right here right now and ride this pony all the way to South by Southwest?

Amy’s worried that if their Big Fat Lie is revealed to the students, they’ll be burned at the stake and their first-born babies will be placed into baskets and sent down a river to Gammorah. Karma’s not worried about this ’cause she’s prepped Amy a binder on Lesbianism 101.

Here, I've printed out the lyrics to every Tegan & Sara song ever written

Here, this contains the lyrics to Tegan & Sara’s entire discography, all the lesbian parts of ‘The Color Purple” and “Fried Green Tomatoes,” twenty scissoring diagrams, an A-Camp packing list and a crude map of our future lesbian separatist commune

This better contain an animated Carmen De La Pica Morales gif or I'm going back to men

Would you happen to know off the top of your head on which page I can find a Cunnilingus Tutorial

Amy points out that a gigantic binder isn’t exactly the most convenient way to investigate her sapphic side. The good news is that we made her a much better binder ourselves:

Time for pillow talk:

Amy: You don’t feel weird about this? Pretending to be girlfriends?
Karma: Jeez, was I that bad a kisser?
Amy: [obviously lying] It was like kissing my sister.
Karma: Uh, ouch.
Amy: It’s not like you enjoyed it.
Karma: I thought you were great.
Amy: You did?

Oh, reader, the hopeful look on Amy’s little face!

Like, "wanna do it again forever and ever" liked it? Like that kind of liking it? No pressure I mean we could go really slow, I just want you to be comfortable

Like, “wanna do it again forever and ever” liked it? Like that kind of liking it? No pressure I mean we could go really slow, I just want you to be comfortable, I’m SUPER into consent. But like, you LIKED it, liked it?

But before we can get into what would undoubtedly be a delightful and entertaining conversation for the whole family (and by that I mean “me”), Karma’s adorable hippie parents burst in to bestow celebratory mugs of lezbo kombucha to the two “women-with-a-y.” (!!!) Molly tells Amy she couldn’t feel more like a daughter if she came out of Molly’s own womb!

We start every morning with a shot of fireball whiskey!

Here, it’s called Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey and it’s the BEST way to start your morning!

Mr. and Ms Karma ask how Amy’s mom took the news, and Amy admits she’s yet to spill the info. Being the adorable hippies that they are, they volunteer to house Amy if she gets kicked out because their home is a safe space.

This is how lesbians have sex

This is how lesbians have sex, isn’t it

“You two trailblazers have fun loving each other,” Molly says before leaving the trailblazers alone to have fun loving each other.

Mom how many times do I have to tell you I take SOY milk in my coffee now

Karma you’ve gotta get your Mom to stop putting soy milk in our lattes, soy milk is bullshit milk

Amy’s annoyed that Karma already informed her parents, but Karma says she couldn’t help it ’cause she knew it’d make them so happy and would finally elevate her to a level of parental appreciation exceeding that of her Peace Corps brother Zen. Also, they’ve already joined PFLAG and are probs besties with Debbie Novotny.

BFFs

BFFs

Amy again pleads with Karma to end the charade, but then Karma pulls out the big guns: She seduces Amy with her eyeballs while promising to “hold Amy’s hand” the whole time. Amy is rendered effectively powerless.

caption

Really? You’re seriously ready to co-own a rescued organic kitten with me?

caption

C’mon Ames, you know I love pussy!

caption

That I do know.


We then take four buses and eight tiny canoes to The Blue Oasis In The Red State of Texas High School, where Shane’s selling tickets for homecoming and Lauren’s pissed ’cause straight couples have to pony up $50 (all proceeds go to The Trevor Project!) while the gays get a free ride.

Shane: “This year in support of our queens, the homecoming theme is Homecoming Out, bring a same-sex date and you get in free. Everyone else, fifty bucks.”
Lauren: “That’s so not fair, it’s like a heterosexual tax!”
Shane: “Feels icky, doesn’t it?”

caption

You can expect my proposal for Straight Pride Month to show up on your desk in 3-5 business days

Liam chides Shane for his pleasure in torturing Lauren and Shane’s like, “oh please she’s so two-dimensional she’s practically a character in Glee,” at which point I have no choice but to fall in love with this show. Also, Shane and Liam are gonna go to prom together to save $50, which is confusing w/r/t the actual depths of their dedication to The Trevor Project but is also whatever.

C'mon we both know it wasn't a banana in your pocket when we slow-danced at Sadie Hawkins

C’mon we both know it wasn’t a banana in your pocket when we slow-danced at Sadie Hawkins

Then Karma and Amy show up at school and everybody claps for them! This is basically exactly what high school was like for me JUST KIDDING WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE

It's fine Karma if you move quickly enough nobody will know how your digestive system responds to breakfast burritos

It’s fine Karma if you move quickly enough nobody will know that this is how your digestive system responds to breakfast burritos, a little crop-dusting never hurt anybody


Later that very day in the art room, Liam is continuing his assault on everything we hold dear, including but not limited to “art” and “the girl Amy wants to make out with.”

Liam: “Glad you got back together with your girlfriend. You two are like the school’s Portia and Ellen!”
Karma: “Which one am I? Please say Portia.”
Liam: “Trust me, you’re the Portia.”

caption

You know I think we have a really promising future together doing Spencer/Toby roleplay

Liam’s clearly eager to investigate her beaver but expresses hesitation ’cause he doesn’t wanna be that asshole who breaks up Hester High’s Golden Couple. Instead of what he already is, which is “that asshole,” full stop.

Karma says it’s NBD ’cause she and Amy have an open relationship, like their own private “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.” Liam asks Karma if she thinks she might be bisexual, and she says she’s unsure ’cause she always felt “100% lesbionic” before looking at his stupid face and now she’s “questioning everything.”

Liam: “That is so hot.”

Karma adds that she’s not looking for a relationship ’cause her heart belongs to Amy, and then they start sucking on each other’s tonsils.

barf

afas789489u5ha&&^%^$$^


That afternoon at the family I will now refer to as The Fawcetts until we find out what Amy’s actual last name is, Amy’s staring wistfully at a framed photograph of her and her lady-love as she packs up her things for the big move down the hall.

I mean really, nobody's Halloween costume came close to beating how hot we looked as Piper and Alex last winter

Damn we made the best Piper and Alex Vause at Halloween last year

Lauren pops in to say some shit I no longer recall, and then Karma pops in with terrible news she is very excited about:

Karma: “Guess who’s having a sexy secret affair with Liam Booker? Here’s a clue: It’s me!”
Amy: “Are you kidding?”
Karma: “Crazy right? He’s so into this lesbian thing that I think if I play my cards right, we could have sex.”

Amy’s clearly jealous, but rather than addressing and dealing with those emotions, has chosen the much safer and more popular route that so many of us enjoy on a regular basis: finding a reason besides jealousy to rationalize being annoyed. Thus, Amy argues that the point of this escapade was to be popular, not to play Polish the Rocket with Liam. Karma argues that those goals co-exist neatly ’cause popular people (like her) do the horizontal mambo with other popular people, like Liam!

Ugh why is she wearing that Burberry lotion she knows I get wet every time I smell that shit on her neck

Ugh why does she have to be wearing that Burberry lotion, she knows I get wet every time I smell that shit on her neck

Then Karma and Amy cuddle suggestively on the bed as Karma continues yapping about her big plan and Amy is like, didn’t you want your first time to be special? This is a very good point. Karma says doing it with the hottest guy in school is special. So basically, Karma is an idiot.

Amy: “Well let’s hope nobody finds out you’re cheating on me. They’d think you’re a terrible person.”
Karma: “You’re upset.”
What Amy Says: “No.”
What Amy Actually Feels: YES I’M SUPER UPSET BUT I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS VERY CONFUSING RIGHT NOW

Sigh, I love it when Karma doesn't wear a bra

Karma, I can’t tell you enough how lovely it is to lie on your bosom when you’re not wearing a bra

They flip off the lights and curl up close in the dark, looking up at the stars on Amy’s ceiling that’ve been there since they were little girls who didn’t know one day they’d have their own show on MTV. It’s one of those moments when you’re intensely aware of every inch of your body and her body currently experiencing physical content and every inch of your body and her body that could potentially shift into new territories of suggestive physical contact.

Okay fine I promise that if I die first, I'll leave you the password to my Crash Pad account

Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

But then Mom busts in with the laundry and they hop up out of bed like something sketchy really was going on.

Oh haaayy ladies I just was bringing in a load of clothing to dress your weird post-it note manequin over here because it's really been creeping me out now what on god's EARTH is happening in here?

Oh haaayy ladies I just was bringing in a load of clothing to dress your weird post-it note mannequin  because it’s really been creeping me out OH MY WORD WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING IN HERE LADIES

Do you want to tell her how scissoring works, or should I?

Do you want to tell her how scissoring works, or should I?

After she fainted while I explained how a Diva Cup works I'm never talking about the female body with my mother again

After she fainted while I explained how a Diva Cup works, I’m never talking about the female body with my mother again

Well, here goes nothing

Well, here goes nothing

Overwhelmed by being caught in a gay-seeming situation, Amy tells Mom they were just chatting about their homecoming dates… with boys! Mom is so thrilled in that way Moms are thrilled when their lesbian daughter seems like she maybe isn’t a lesbian for a second. This’ll be fun!


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Riese is the 33-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1795 articles for us.

44 Comments

  1. Thumb up 14

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    Your thoughts are my thoughts. I’m reeeeeally enjoying this show, and I’m glad that they’re showing Liam to be the skeezeball that he really is (or at least pointing out that his fetishization is super gross and that Karma is an idiot).

    Also, I legitimately laughed loudly at The Fawcetts.

  2. Thumb up 11

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    Urgh I hate Liam. But I’m kind of glad he’s there because he is a pretty accurate representation of 99% of the guys I meet, and maybe if said guys watch this show (they will, because lesbians) they can realize they are him and feel bad.
    Wishful thinking?

    Re: the clapping; this happened to me and my girlfriend one time at a bar because we were holding hands. But it wasn’t awesome and supportive – it was horrible and drunk old men.

  3. Thumb up 12

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    Pretty sure that Karma’s dad, who’s probably named Buddha or something, is Maureen Ponderosa’s brother from “It’s Always Sunny” and so I got SUPER distracted by that.

    Also, I hate sea mammals. Is that seriously another thing we’re supposed to like? Because I’m already 40% hostile towards cats and 60% indifferent. Don’t make me feign love for orcas. I saw “Blackfish.” They scare me.

    The people behind this show keep saying, “Oh, Amy could end up with a dude or a chick and she doesn’t like to label her sexuality.” Which is fine, because I’m totally a no-labels kind of person. I can ride that train to Question Mark Town all day long. But I feel like it’s always female characters who are questioning their sexuality or who are fluid or “label free,” and this is a two pronged problem because we don’t get many, if any, bisexual male characters (shout out to “Broad City” for having Ilana have sex with a bi guy this past season – “You are truly evolved. And I am truly wet”). But it also means that we don’t get the female equivalent of a Shane (not THAT Shane) who knew he was gay since 4th grade. Where are our dyed-in-the-wool lesbian characters? I kind of thought Amy might be that (we all saw that leather cuff and the Spicoli Vans, c’mon) but great, apparently not.

    • Thumb up 27

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      I’m surprised that the show creators are talking about Amy like that, based on what I’ve seen/read of future episodes? But I’m also not surprised that they’re talking about her in that way, because that tends to be the way these things go.

      Anyhow — I think there are SO many reasons why it is the way you say it is (that we get guys who knew they were gay since 4th grade, but not girls) that I could talk about forever and ever, but an additional theory just occurred to me which is that these narratives tend to be presented on television as tightly related to gender presentation.

      The stereotypical stylish, not-athletic, image-conscious and often somewhat effeminate gay guy is relatively well-received on television. Audiences really enjoy characters like Jack from Will and Grace, Kurt Hummel, Emmet Honeycutt and Shane on this show. And it’s usually those gay guys who talk about having known they were gay from the get-go, and when they do, they rarely talk about, you know, experiencing same-sex sexual attraction. They talk about wanting to try on their mom’s high heels, being bad at sports, or liking musical theater — these other stereotypical things that actually have nothing to do with who you’re sexually/romantically attracted to. Maybe this is television’s fundamental discomfort with discussing kids or teenagers having crushes on members of the same sex or maybe it’s just lazy writing, or maybe it’s both and a lot of other things, too. Because meanwhile, masculine women are definitely not celebrated or prevalent on television, even on gay shows, which is really fucking annoying. I mean, the only character on The L Word who tells a “when I knew” story that started in the sandbox is the show’s most masculine-of-center character, Shane. So if writers can’t figure out how to tell the backstory of a person “who knew he was gay since 4th grade” without telling that story as a story of non-normative gender presentation, and there aren’t any queer females on TV with non-normative gender presentations, then television isn’t going to tell that kind of story about queer females. Which means they need to realize that “dyed-in-the-wool” lesbians are just as likely to be femme or feminine-of-center as they are masculine-of-center (or none of those things!) and learn how to tell “when I knew” stories that aren’t just about gender presentation.

      ANYHOW it seems like the only “dyed-in-the-wool” lesbians we ever get on television are like three-episode love interests of the no-labels girl.

  4. Thumb up 14

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    Awww, I feel like there are going to be so many moments in which I can relate to Amy. You articulated this particular feeling so well!

    “It’s one of those moments when you’re intensely aware of every inch of your body and her body currently experiencing physical content and every inch of your body and her body that could potentially shift into new territories of suggestive physical contact.”

  5. Thumb up 10

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    “Amy’s clearly jealous, but rather than addressing and dealing with those emotions, has chosen the much safer and more popular route that so many of us enjoy on a regular basis: finding a reason besides jealousy to rationalize being annoyed.”

    THIS. Yes! High school was such a confusing time.

    I’m really enjoying this show, even though I initially wanted to disregard it due to it airing on MTV. Only two episodes in and I’m already hoping for a second season.

  6. Thumb up 9

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    What I mostly take away from this show is that Karma is a moron, Liam is gross, Shane is THAT GAY GUY tv shows think are the only kind of gay guys that exist, and Amy is probably a lesbian or bisexual but the writers will fuck it up somehow like always and make her all about boys at some point.

    The recaps are good though. So there’s that.

  7. Thumb up 16

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    Excellent as always, Riese!

    My only thing is: I don’t know if the Amy/Karma dynamic is bleeding over in my mind, but when Liam and Shane are interacting I find myself low level anxious that they are going to go the Shane is actually into Liam route, which would make no sense since that is like the exact storyline of our main characters.

    I just really like the idea of a gay guy/straight guy friendship and it would be nice if they let that stand uncomplicated by some sort of secret gay crush situation. I feel like this is the rarer cousin unicorn of the heterosexual opposite gender best friends who do not fall in love with each other and are in fact just good friends. Like this is something that actually exists in the world, but given enough time on a TV show apparently never lasts. cough cough Warehouse 13? cough cough

    • Thumb up 9

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      Yeah I’m hoping they maintain a platonic crush-free gay guy/straight guy friendship between the two of them, too. In Glee they did manage to lampshade that a bit by Blaine having a crush on his best friend Sam but Sam not being even remotely bothered by it, which I would add to the short list of things Glee did that I didn’t hate. I’m thinking that we might be safe in this case because Shane has known he was gay since 4th grade and it seems like he and Liam have been best friends forever, so now would be a weird time for a crush to randomly pop up. I think showing solid gay guy/straight guy friendships is one of the most progressive things a show like this could do.

      • Thumb up 1

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        Yes, I super agree wrt progressive things and is definitely one of the things that got me actually interested in this show after reading your preview of it.

        Fingers crossed the great TV gods don’t betray us again.

  8. Thumb up 13

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    I apparently did not pay enough attention in the first episode, cause I had no idea Lauren and Amy live in the same house or that their parents were getting married, but now the beginning of this episode makes so much more sense than when I thought Lauren had randomly broken into Amy’s house with a measuring tape.

  9. Thumb up 6

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    So. Many. Fellings. This is like my repressed high school closet phase and i have had all the feelings that Amy is having. but at least its a comedy and can also make me laugh! I love your recaps!

  10. Thumb up 6

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    Just when I didn’t think I could relate to Amy more (yay for melodramatic debutante-ish southern mothers!) I looked down at myself and realized that I’m wearing roughly the same outfit she is at the beginning of the episode.

  11. Thumb up 4

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    This show is infuriating me already. I really can’t decide whether to love it or hate it (indifference is not an option). All i can hope for is that they set Amy up with a gf who actually deserves her and don’t let her stay in the ‘crutch on my straight best friend’ trap. Because we all know that that is a dead end.
    Props for them not validating straight guys wanting to sleep with lesbians though coz Karma was totally turned off by that. Although Liam thinking that all straight guys wanna sleep with lesbians was also kind of a stereotype… *complains about the shallowness of many characters*.

  12. Thumb up 1

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    Riese, you must be a mind reader, because I just finished reading Tipping The Velvet last week and I returned it a week late to the library! (Though luckily I didn’t have a huge fine, only about $2.)

    Isn’t it obvious that Amy keeps a screwdriver in her bra in case she ever runs into Lea Delaria from OITNB for the perfect lesbian opportunity?

  13. Thumb up 2

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    Is anyone else irritated by the complete acceptance of the obligatory butch/femme dynamic? Umm, who said one had to be butch and the other femme?
    I have a lot of problems with this show actually, but I love Amy so much. She is intelligent, beautiful, and funny, AND she is totally me when I was in school and had an 8+ year unrequited lovefest for my best (and SUPER straight) girl friend. Fortunately, however, I think Karma is going to realize she loves Amy back. Yay for gay lerv!

  14. Thumb up 0

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    Is it just me or are all of the characters on this show the stupidest people in the history of television? The only likable character is Amy. That being said, it is interesting and in curious to see what happens.

  15. Thumb up 0

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    I LOVE READING THESE RECAPS, i don’t watch the show and probably never will + i don’t like reading recaps of shows I am watching. but these are just the best. so thank you riese!!!! for documenting all the dubious forays of the mainstream into mystical, mystical lesbianism.

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