Comments on: Dharun Ravi Is 'Sorry'

By: Rose

Rose — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 01:23:16 +0000

Yeah, to me, as someone who has social anxiety (but clearly not as severe as Tyler’s likely was), that seems like more the cause of his suicide than the “outing” aspect. I probably wouldn’t have taken my own life over it, but I can imagine how something like that, if it had happened at the beginning of my freshman year would take a huge toll on my psyche *regardless* of whether the partner in question was male or female. I’m sure the fact that his mom had apparently not taken his coming-out very well added to his turmoil at the time, but I’m unsure if the fact that he was gay was the primary factor behind his decision to take his life so much as the fact that his sex life was being broadcasted for all to see. (Of course, probably part of it is that, at least with boys, it’s generally only “shamed” if it’s with another guy; having lots of sex with a girl is seen as a cause for celebration. With girls, we’d get slut-shamed either way.)

By: AJS

AJS — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 01:43:33 +0000

I meant to add: Because of this, I can see why someone broadcasting his love life may’ve been very traumatic for him.

By: AJS

AJS — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 01:41:29 +0000

I was sexually harassed in high school. It was only last month that I actually recognized it for what it was. I was reading an article about sexual harassment in schools and thought to myself “I”m so lucky I’ve never been sexually harassed.” and then it hit me, I had been. When I was in high school, in 7th grade (1sr yr of high school), we had two boys in our grade that used to talk about sex and titties and sex sex sex 24/7 and one of them harassed me for about two weeks, making suggestive comments and requests.

I don’t mean to sound corny, by from what it seems, Tyler was an introvert and a line from ‘The Princess Diaries’ comes to mind: “My goal is to be invisible. And I’m good at it.” I’m shy and awkward, and from what it seems, so was Tyler. I don’t have social anxiety like Tyler is reported to have had, but I do much prefer being alone than being around people. My girlfriend is the same, after a prolonged period of being around people, she just needs to be alone and with herself and her thoughts. It was really comforting for me because I was so afraid that when I started dating, they wouldn’t ‘get’ this about me and would think I was a loner and a loser. From the sounds of it, Tyler just liked to be left alone and loved to play the violin (and was very good at it). Apparently it is a trait of my star sign (Aquarius) that our alone time is extremely important to us.

By: Digger

Digger — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:09:27 +0000

There’s no “win” in this case..At the end of the day, there is just sadness at the tragic loss of a life..Everyone puts so much stock in this verdict, but I fear in the bigger picture nothing will change..I don’t believe Ravi thought what he was doing was that big a deal..Just as the next guy/girl who uses their power position will think what they are doing is really that big a deal..I’ve ben trying to recall if I’ve ever done anything to make someone feel small so that I could feel somehow “bigger”..I’m sure I have…I’m sure somewhere out there someone remembers how I laughed along with others at them..How perhaps when I could have done something, I chose to do nothing..Just as I remember when these things happened to me..None of us ever thinks we have the power to drive someone “over the edge”..But sometimes..Sometimes they are already so close that it wouldn’t take more than a dismissive look..Ravi went further than that..And he was tried and convicted for his crimes..But I wonder how many will remember this when they make a snarky comment..Or insult someone they feel is beneath them..Or laugh at their misfortune..Or any of the number of things I’ve witnessed everyday in the world, on the net, and yes, even here on AS (though ya’ll do a fine job of moderating)..This case has given me pause..So if any of you ever see me display such behavior..I implore you to call me on it..Because I’m going to do the same..

By: vraiment

vraiment — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 17:56:25 +0000

“I think Ravi deserves ten years of community service working with LGBTQ teenagers and homeless LGBTQ teenagers especially. I think Ravi remains a selfish little shit who needs a long lesson on selflessness, and I’m troubled by what looks like a lack of significant remorse.”

I agree with this.

By: citizenofpawnee

citizenofpawnee — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 16:35:49 +0000

I can honestly say that I don’t feel even the tiniest bit of sympathy for Ravi.

By: e

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:50:13 +0000

D: but all those puppies!

By: hedonist

hedonist — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 11:13:08 +0000

very well written, riese.

By: preston

preston — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:03:31 +0000

so brilliantly said. i wish we could just repost this on every website/newspaper instead of what they wrote/will write about this story.

By: Rose

Rose — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:04:13 +0000

I went to a racially- and religiously-diverse high school and yeah, it didn’t keep people from being homophobic. It was a better environment when it came to gays than most neighboring high schools, in that gay and bisexual students were able to be out and date each other the way the heterosexual kids did (although I wasn’t out in high school, I was in denial), but there were still plenty of homophobic students there and some anti-LGBT bullying. Largely the reason it was better was just because the sort of ultra-conservative, fundamentalist Christian types who tend to violently hate gays also tend to violently hate non-Christian religions, so they’re not going to send their kids to a magnet school that’s known for its large numbers of Muslim and Hindu students. So we basically just managed to avoid the people who make the environment intolerable for gay students, but that didn’t mean that it was some magical pro-gay paradise where everyone was accepting. I could totally see someone like Ravi coming out of a school like mine.

Also, there were a lot of people who were incredibly classist there, and loads and loads of privilege-denying-dude, entitled-asshole types. People definitely weren’t “prejudice-free” just because they generally didn’t care about race or religion.

By: magiclovemuffin

magiclovemuffin — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 04:30:55 +0000

I’ve been really uncomfortable with the people freaking out, saying Ravi should be deported, thrown in prison or worse. I think this piece nails it and it’s part of a bigger problem where schools don’t do enough to take care of their students and people don’t care/understand enough about spotting depression/mental illness. This case was really two problems colliding into one and I think a lot of people are missing the point, getting caught up in the collision and not the rest of it.

By: Tess

Tess — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 01:36:33 +0000

This is really well done. Of course Ravi was motivated by homophobia – it’s pretty obvious from where I sit – but I believe that he honestly doesn’t believe that.

“I met a gay guy once” is even worse than “I have gay friends.” And no matter where you went to high school, if you say you didn’t know anyone gay, there are only a few possibilities. Your school wasn’t a safe place to come out, or you talked to only a few people, or you consciously or unconsciously avoided the gay people. We’re 3-5% of the population and even though we’re not even distributed once we get to decide where we live, when we’re kids we don’t get to decide. If you had 20 kids in your high school, it’s pretty likely someone was L,G, B, or T.

I agree that jailtime probably isn’t going to be helpful here, and I find it fascinating that Ravi doesn’t want anyone to think he’s anti-gay. Being labeled a bigot is apparently a bigger deal to him than anything else. I kind of hope more people feel that way. Let’s go ahead and make anti-anyone bigotry socially unacceptable.