Comments on: Butch Please: Butch Antiquated

By: Susan Dirr

Susan Dirr — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 04:23:40 +0000

Great article! I read this aloud to my gf during our drive from Columbus to Chicago over the holidays. Butch please has become my favorite column.

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 23:47:58 +0000

It’s not to write off the labels themselves as annoying- like I said, if you identify as butch and femme, that’s awesome! My annoyance comes from the pressure I feel from my queer community to be one or the other, and the rejection I’ve seen my femme and androgynous friends face because they don’t “look gay enough”. I never felt comfortable identifying as gay or queer until a professor of mine told me that I presented androgynously, and that I didn’t have to be either- and neither was she or her partner! I will stand by my argument that the lesbian community places value on a masculine femininity, especially in smaller rural queer areas. In addition, femme lesbians are valued by straight men as objects of lust. There’s privilege to both labels, but in different intersections.

By: Friday Sex Links « Sex with Timaree

Friday Sex Links « Sex with Timaree — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:34:17 +0000

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By: Scorpiopixie

Scorpiopixie — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 19:54:29 +0000

This!! So so agree. My butch best friend works in the oil fields. She’s respected in that role. If I or her girlfriend worked there, you KNOW it would be sexual harassment central and there’d be no respect whatsoever.

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 18:59:12 +0000

If you want to read an awesome collection of femme writers (including many trans*, non-white, and disabled authors), I HIGHLY recommend “Visible: a Femmethology” edited by Jennifer Clare Burke. The authors she pulled together have awe-inspiring things to say about being a radical femme and femme struggles.

By: chipperdyke

chipperdyke — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 09:38:37 +0000

Cool article. I disagree with the idea that butches have it worse with men than femmes. The male-centric mind understands wanting to be masculine much more than wanting to be feminine, because masculinity is associated with strength. That’s why we all can wear jeans now, but men still can’t wear skirts. There are other examples.

I have always found that my femme girlfriends have a much harder time with heteros of all sorts than I do as a soft butch.

By: Kate W

Kate W — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 06:24:01 +0000

oh my gosh, thank you. this is what i am struggling to remind myself every day right now.

By: Megaera

Megaera — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 23:20:21 +0000

I’m so sorry about your mum. If I was your mum, you would *totally* have that tux you wanted.

My 13 yo MOC babydyke daughter went to her first school dance this year in a formal black jacket and plum tie: she had a great time and discovered that she was not the only gay (kid) in the village. Considering that she has not had the confidence to be out at school before now, this was a huge step for her.

By: Megaera

Megaera — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:59:30 +0000

I suspect that you could fret about it and deconstruct it till your head spun, but it probably wouldn’t change your attractions any more than ex-gay therapy genuinely changes attraction. I don’t think we can decide who we are attracted to, even though we might want to. And I don’t think we should feel guilty about our attractions, as long as we’re doing no harm. We’re all products of our socialisation and environment as much as our genes; trying to separate out all the strands is probably a losing battle.

There is a cis woman in my village who I would have sworn was a very butch lesbian, but it turns out she’s married to a guy. Another cis woman who looks quite MOC is engaged to a guy. Maybe they’re bi, or maybe they’re just straight but MOC; I don’t know them well enough to know, and really, it’s none of my business . I’m bi rather than straight, but my straight guy partner was constantly mistaken for a woman for the first 15 years of our relationship, till he was in his mid-30s. I just thought it was funny.

By: Jhonez

Jhonez — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 19:15:16 +0000

If you cut or grow your hair in a certain way, or wear a certain thing— “masculine” or “feminine— and it suddenly makes you feel like you’ve activated your super-power, there’s a key to your identity.

At least that’s how I think of it.

Backstory
I remember when I was living femme, for lack of better phrasing, and feeling very conflicted about my motivations, many of which were driven by the need to gain approval, but some of which derived from a natural and comfortable identity as a fashion fag

Back to the haircut. One day, I cut my hair. Short as fuck. I’d been coloring my hair for a while & I went back to platinum blond. When I looked in my stylist’s mirror, I felt like the contents of a glass of champagne. When I left the studio, that’s when I felt my superpower kicking in. I knew I had FINALLY expressed the me that I loved and that I wanted to live as.

Having lived for other people’s approval for almost my entire life, the feeling was rare. But I remembered it from when I was 5 and my spirit was still uncrushed. And that haircut was my first step towards learning how to be myself again.

My myself is a combo of butch, genderqueer dyke, trans gay man, and woman. And a bunch of other stuff besides.

Most accurately: “I am large, I contain multitudes.”

Big ups, Walt Whitman.

And I love this column more than words can express.

By: jordan

jordan — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 15:40:09 +0000

Love what you do with this column in general. To echo the sentiments of others, this regular piece always speaks to me and makes me self-reflect on my own experiences, issues, and progress. Thanks for doing the hard work for all of us.

By: Scorpiopixie

Scorpiopixie — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 07:51:55 +0000

Meh, my reaction to your relative’s question and comment about the progressiveness etc was that they were trying to find a way to de-butch you, and I loathe that. Two girls? I’m pretty sure when you and your girlfriend are together, that IS two girls. It’s kind of like ice cream people. It’s still ice cream no matter what flavor it is!

I feel at every turn people are trying to defang butch women and it fucking annoys me. To paraphrase Kanye, “why can’t you let us have butches?” I love butch women because, well, um *blush* uh…oh wait, back to innocent thoughts. Um, yeah, I love butch women because they defy the hell out of expectations of women every damned day of their lives.

As for the progressive aspect – sigh. You know what’s progressive? Being gay. Period. And you know what’s even more progressive? Being supportive of your gay relative/friend/whatever and not asking a million and one questions. And frankly, I think it is super progressive being a butch-femme couple because we allow each other to be and love each other for our differences as well as our similarities. How it relates to the heterosexual world doesn’t really interest me honestly. That’s something the heterosexual world can’t get over though, can they? That they don’t matter in our romantic lives, because they don’t. We exist on a totally different plane than they do.

I’m pretty sure there’s a huge difference in the way a Pete Wentz type and a George Clooney type present themselves but no one sits there and questions their maleness, do they? Sigh.

I don’t think butches aspire to masculinity, so much as they stop fighting being the ugly duckling of feminine women and realize they’re a beautiful swan of their own stylings.

And again, it’s nearly 3am. I really do have to stop my ramblings on your posts at this hour Kate! (Or is it Kade? I’m not entirely sure).