Bomb Girls 212: Feelings, Feelings Everywhere

This week on Bomb Girls, the sunshine is gone and nothing will ever be okay again. That’s because this was the last Bomb Girls episode of all time, and I don’t want to live on a planet where Bomb Girls is no longer a reality. Writing this recap and realizing it would be my final adieu was almost too much for my emotional stability.

FYI: It is incredibly difficult to write when you are sobbing on your keyboard while simultaneously attempting to sad-eat large quantities of cheese.

me right now

The sacrifices I make for you lot, honestly.

Kate and her mom are coming home from their Girls’ Day Out, where they likely got their nails done and shopped at Chico’s and talked about how Kate’s dead dad was evil, only to be bombarded by Kate’s bachelorette party. Now, I don’t know about you folks, but my mother and boss are the last two people I want in attendance for whatever gay pre-commitment-ceremony bullshit my best friends will inevitably pull off despite my general protests.

oh god what fuckwit hired goddess and she

oh god what fuckwit hired goddess and she

Apparently the wartime economy has put a strain on the production of penis-shaped products, because there is no fake genitalia in sight, but there is an awkward tossing game and an umbrella with stuff in it. Bachelorette Party Version Betty seems a little more tame than Bachelorette Party Version Vera, which probably would have involved a stripper disguised as a firefighter and whatever the 1940s equivalent of twerking was, but in Betty’s defense, lesbians are really only good at planning doggy meetups and vegan potlucks.

bachelorette party version betty

bachelorette party version betty

bachelorette party version vera

bachelorette party version vera

Fun Fact: Betty goes ahead and compares the toss game to basketball. She might as well have compared it to softball, rugby, or roller derby, lesbihonest. Baby girl, don’t you ever change your stupidly homosexual ways.

Kate’s mother takes her aside to tell her that a detective is starting to ask questions about her deceased father. And this, my friends, is where we know things are about to take a one-way ticket to hell in a handbasket. A handbasket full of lesbian tears, I might add. Remember that time Betty and Kate accidentally murdered Kate’s father? Me neither. I had chosen to cast it to the back of my mind in favor of my hardcore investment in everyone’s happiness and ability to scissor without interruption. The resurfacing of the detective storyline in the season/series finale can only mean one thing, and that thing is our utter and complete devastation.

kimbetty

Kate takes this moment to look with great concern at Betty, and then scope her tight Germanic ass. Whatever gets you through the stress, babe.

Over at Chez Depression and General Unhappiness, Lorna and Bob are arguing because Lorna doesn’t believe in blood drives? Homegirl, it is not the Dark Ages anymore. We’re vaccinating for real shit up in here. We are no longer afraid that moles near the breast are signs of consorting with the devil — I think we can handle a friggin’ blood drive. Also, Dr. Patel thinks he can end Bob’s invalid status, which means Lorna is reaching for the holy water. Happiness? Not in this house.

Picture 666

i like my coffee like i like my outlook on life – dark and extremely bitter

Cut to a shot of them actually sticking needles in arms and drawing blood. If y’all are like me and typically barf around blood, I can tell you to a) skip the latest episode of My Strange Addiction, and b) probably look somewhere else, like the McSwagger tumblr tag you have open in another window. Lorna is in attendance, talkin’ shit on modern medicine, and Sheila feels free to sass her right back.

sheilaaa

 

Betty’s talking about Canadian politics or something? I don’t know, my only knowledge of Canadian politics is via all my Quebecois separatist cousins so I have no idea what you guys do up there except apparently it involves stifling francophone culture? Whatever, my job is not to provide you with a working knowledge of the political climate in Canada, but to tell you when your favorite lesbian does a thing. So right now Betty’s drinking juice and talking about a thing. You’re welcome.

i mean i know i lent you my copy of "written on the body" last week but i weirdly need it back already

i mean i know i lent you my copy of “written on the body” last week but i weirdly need it back already

Gladys is getting her blood drawn when Bad Accent No Stop happens to be reclined in a suggestive position next to her. I could say something very deep about how this conversation takes place while they are both expelling body fluids, but I don’t think this narrative actually deserves that kind of attention. Gladys’ Magical Vagina apparently strikes again, because Bad Accent Why How cannot stop with the sultry talk. It’s weird. SPIES!

WEIRDO

WEIRDO

Vera runs into a soldier who is the brother of another soldier she also ran into in the biblical sense. It’s awkward, but Vera continues to be the most progressive unashamed queen of everything on the block. Marco overhears and is less than pleased with the mental image of Vera sleeping with whoever she wants, because patriarchy, so y’all know that’s gonna boil over soon. Like a pot of spaghetti. Get it? Spaghetti. It’s been a long time, pasta jokes. Too long.

DUMFACE

bitchimightbe

Kate spills to Ivan on the factory floor re: her name, her surprise-alive mother, and some other minute details you might want to make known to the person you are agreeing to spend the rest of your life with. Or, instead of having this awkward conversation, you could gay elope with the one person who already knows everything and still loves you unconditionally. Kanye shrug.

also i know i kept telling you that doing sex was when you hug and turn off the lights and don't touch each other, but i lied

also i know i told you that doing sex was when you hug and turn off the lights and don’t touch each other, but i lied

Lorna decides to actually donate blood. Sheila can barely hold in all her “Lorna PLZ”s but somehow she manages. What I love about Sheila is that she literally has no time for anyone’s bullcrap. She is sexing Dr. Patel and his perfect hair and furthering her career without concern for anything else, even though everyone around her seems set on sapping the joy and prosperity from life. Sheila does not have the energy to deal with your massive time-sucking and happiness-sucking efforts, she just doesn’t.

if you don't want to play with the big dogs, you need to stay on the porch

if you don’t want to play with the big dogs, you need to stay on the porch

The detective is interviewing Kate, which means we are barreling one step closer to the ending we all did not want to see coming but could somehow see from a mile away.

Kate handles all of this with her perfect Disney face and her way-too-perfect Disney eyes, but the detective is a little fixated on the fact that they found the body placed under a tarp. Now, I’m no writer or contributing editor, and I certainly don’t creative narratives for a freelance living, but maybe someone else found the body and put it under a tarp without reporting it like a homeless person, or passersby, because saying it absolutely had to be Kate is just a litttttttle bit of a reach. And I was an English major, so I understand constructing Everest-like bullshit mountains out of miniscule fact puddles.

Picture 674

author’s note: still trying to decide how many times i can caption photos with gucci mane’s confession of “bitch i might be”

Kate comes back down quite shaken up by the interview, and whammo, Betty is in Protective Lesbian Savior Mode. Man, I have been waiting a long-ass season to get back to Betty as Protective Lesbian Savior.

every tear she sheds is comparable to an object of personal worth to you that i will destroy in front of you

every tear she sheds is comparable to an object of personal worth to you that i will mercilessly destroy in front of you

Marco decides the best way to get into Vera’s pants is to use slut-shaming. Swing and a miss, buddy. Vera does not have time for any of this as she has to go and run the entire universe.

it's called third wave feminism and you can look it the fuck up

it’s called third wave feminism and you can look it the fuck up

Bad Accent Hey Stop and Gladys are hanging out in a field, v. romantic, and Bad Accent No Gross gives Gladys a bomb except she doesn’t know it and she fools around with it and accidentally sets it off so he covers her body with his body and I just… the fact this pairing will probably get romantic and physical closure and McAndrews will not kind of makes me want to set my hair on fire. SPIES!

Picture 677

 

Lorna is doing some hardcore detective work and realizing that Kate is the Marian from that letter about Betty being a full-on lesbian. Lorna’s like, holy shit, it’s all coming together now! That’s why Betty gives her coworkers chestbumps and went through that period where she only wore overalls for a month! That’s why she always stares at Kate’s ass and tries to touch her hair when she isn’t looking! Because GAY!

TEH GHEYS?!?!?!!!!!??@!!!

TEH GHEYS?!?!?!!!!!??@!!!

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Hard-lovin' butch made of tears, sweat, and spit, in that order. Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider. Made in America but making a darn good life of it in Dublin, Ireland.

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30 Comments

  1. Thumb up 0

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    This episode crushed me because they left it so open ended. They didn’t know at the time this would be the final episode every so they left so much room for stories to grow and the fact that this was the end is just devastating. I think most people wanted a Kate confession to parallel Betty’s love declaration in the S1 finale. And while this is not quite what I expected, in some ways, it’s authentic to how Kate would choose to voice her truths.

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    The problem is Global wants to cancel it. theres talk about moving it to an american company but Global tv wants to end the show. In spite of a poor timeslot Bomb Girls had great ratings for a nonmainstream program with controversial content (because in 2013 having in depth female characters of all kinds of background is still unrecognized!)I think if another company is willing to pick up Bomb Girls (maybe Reelz since they had The Kennedys miniseries, or PBS or another company) we might have a chance of keeping the show alive. Even if its just for the Firefly-esque movie and 10 years from now we’ll still be asking why it got canceled.

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    As usual, a perfect recap. The screencaps of the Betty versus Vera parties? Priceless. I’m really going to miss reading these recaps, I look forward to them almost as much as the actual episode. Glad I’m not the only one decimated by that ending and Betty’s sacrifice.

    Also: The Save Bomb Girls campaign just launched ‘the big one’. Victory Bandanas! Anyone who wants to check it out and contribute (extra proceeds go to charity) check out the info at savebombgirls.com.

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    okay:

    1. i realized british accent guy is Helo from Battlestar you guys

    2. LORNA! lorna intentionally went into betty’s file to remove the letter so that the guys wouldn’t see it and draw evil conclusions, and then when that guy caught her, why couldn’t she just say OH SORRY IT’S A PERSONAL NOTE and leave? i know she didn’t want to hand it over, she could’ve even just stuck it in her pocket, but she’s such a goodie-goodie sometimes i just want to smash my face. also i guess the show needed that to happen so that the other things could happen. blergh.

    3. i was really annoyed when kate was on the factory floor in the scene after betty in the police station. what happened in the station? were they like “ok, you go now, we have a confessor?” i’m sure if she’d yelled loud enough they would’ve gladly put her in jail too. and we all know what happens in jail. LESBIAN SEX

    4. remember in season one when it really honestly seemed like kate was also gay for betty?

    5. i loved vera’s everything this episode, and also in general there was so much cool lady-stuff this episode and it was such a heart-wrenching finale that it makes me SO SO SO mad that it’s over now. i don’t want it to be over

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    Fake British Accent was launching into “There’s a place we call ‘The Farm…’ ” and I was like, oh NO, this really IS where Ilene Chaiken is going to get her lesbian prison sequel series!

    Bomb Girls is WAY too far above Chaiken for this ending.

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        Is it? Cause I pretty much always have low iron levels, so much so that I gave up trying to donate blood after they wouldn’t take it three times in a row. I suppose I could learn to like Guinness, even if it does taste like carbonated soy sauce to me. Better than liver.

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    am i the only one who is a little bit over the “lesbian sacrifices opportunity and happiness for straight or super duper closeted best friend” romantic narrative?

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    ugh I read this recap (I’ve read the last few after always skipping over them) and was like, I just need to start watching this show like right now but it’s finals you guysss I have so many essays to write but like bomb girls so I watched the first two episodes of the first seasons and feelings you guys so many of them already how do 43 minutes pass by so quickly ughghghghghgh

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    A campaign of sending security badge themed DIY paper crafts in the mail? This is the work of lesbians!

    I will send thirty of these things if it means more Betty MacRae on my tv.

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    Hey so in that scene where Betty is drinking stout, she’s talking about the “tide-turning” battle that was going on during the time of this episode, the one we keep hearing on the radio and that Gladys and Lorna are talking about in the final scene. Not Canadian politics. FYI.

    Ugh I totally wanted a Kate confession because I felt it would be a more dramatic statement of her feelings – Betty confessing was too predictable, but on the other hand it’s entirely in character, so there’s that. But I just want to point out that we don’t know if Betty goes to jail or not. Her story pled self-defense, and she never actually admitted to pushing Vernon off the fire escape (although perhaps that was implied). I guess I feel that she probably has a greater chance of being found guilty and/or getting more years if it’s just her on trial because of the backstory (the letter and such), but really, she just gave the detective a version of the truth that didn’t include Kate. So yes, it’s still a big deal and a huge sacrifice (because if nothing else, she’s going to go through trial and possibly jail alone), but it’s not like she said she murdered the guy just to ensure that Kate was off the hook. My point is, there is hope yet!

    I think they may have been planning to have Betty getting acquitted, or perhaps Kate telling the police a difference story, as part of season 3. This show has too much respect for lesbians to give one a the usual “shitty or dead” ending, and I really think they were counting on season 3 to tie up loose ends and improve Betty’s storyline. Because let’s face it, the only good thing that happened to Betty in this series was Teresa, and even that didn’t go so well. And I really don’t think this was meant to be the end. That movie better damn well happen if there’s no third season, they can’t end it like this and I don’t think they meant to.

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    I just… I just really want good things for all the characters. I wanted to see them celebrating when the war ended and figuring out what to do after the war and staying in touch.

    I want Betty to get her house and a kick-ass girlfriend (Kate or not) and a job where she can show everyone how awesome she is.
    I want Kate to find a place where she feels like she really belongs and is safe and can sing a lot and maybe she lives in Betty’s house too.
    I want Vera to take over some big awesome business and be the boss.
    I want Carol to start making friends with all the others and maybe work with Vera and keep being awesome and snarky.
    I want Lorna to be able to find a balance between work and family and be majorly fulfilled.
    I want Marco’s family to come back together and for everyone to acknowledge what his family went through.
    I’m still ticked at Gladys over the spy thing but I’d really love for her to be happy and independent and working.

    Why must this show be cancelled? :'(

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    Kate, I absolutely love your recaps. Maybe even more than I love the show.

    This final episode was difficult to watch because my family was in the room and they are as homophobic as anyone can be, so one can imagine how uncomfortable that must have been ( praying for gay scenes and hoping nothing too gay popped u all the same time). So yeah, not fun.

    But reading this recap helped me divulge into a deeper level. Your breakdown of Betty and Kate towards the end truly had me in tears. I’m no English major, heck I can barely string two sentences together, but reading your recaps helped me put words to the many feelings that arise in me. I knew from the get go I saw so much of myself in Betty (minus her courage) seeing those feelings in front of me brokendown for the first time was, for lack of a better word… therapeutic.

    It’s truly sad to see this story end but I am absolutely grateful I got to witness it and read your amazing recaps.

    Thank you so very much!

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    “And I was an English major, so I understand constructing Everest-like bullshit mountains out of miniscule fact puddles.” Will forever go down as one of my favourite sentences of all time.

    Also, that terrible moment when you realise you’ll never get to have milk and cookies with Vera. ;-;

    Also also, did anyone else feel like the entire last episode was a descent into the painfully obvious and yet at the same time was vehemently in denial. That shit was painful! I was all “They can’t do this… NO… NOOoooooooo!!”

    Also also also I realised I’m a terrible person. When Ivan inevitably broke up with Kate, it was like… the best feeling ever. Then they had to ruin it with the heartbreaker ending. I’m going to go and cry in a corner and listen to Sara Bareilles now.

    Thanks for all the recaps Kate, it’s been awesome. I feel bad for everyone out there who watched Bomb Girls without reading along — they really missed out. I only hope you can do a movie recap for old times sake when the time comes.. it just won’t be the same without yoouuu!!

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    Why, Gladys, WHY! You do not pity*ck guys because they know how to SEW. For realz.

    Also, Vera owns all the things.

    And I’m not going to talk about the Betty situation because it hurts too much.

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    My hope lies with Spartacus: all of the girls in the factory head into the police station and confess to the crime, muddying the waters enough that the whole thing gets thrown of court. (There’s no way they’d send the entire factory to jail or they’d be burying Kingston in lady-convicts.)

    So if they never make the 2-hour movie, and if the show never ever returns, this is how I will remember it. Even if it’s only in my head.

  15. Thumb up 1

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    So many feelings…I can’t words express…My brain is stuck repeating “this is not okay. I am not okay. This is NOT okay!”

    Seriously though, this show quickly became my one of (if not my all time) favourite shows. Every character touched me in a way no other show has ever come close to. I feel like I am actually mourning friends, not just a television show. I am glad we all had a chance to meet these exceptional characters, and the passionate people behind them.

    Yes, it is a crime against humanity to cancel this show after only two seasons, but I am also grateful a show this wonderful came along to show us what quality storytelling on television looks like. How one show can reach out to so many groups and unite us with a common history. To show us that, while not always perfect, a show can try to be respectful to minorities and actually be educational about history and social movements.

    Kate, your recaps have captured all of my thoughts and emotions better than I could have ever verbalized myself. Your recaps were always my first stop after watching an episode (occasionally I would even put off watching one until your recap got posted because feelings). I hope you can recover enough to do retro-caps of the first season.

    Also, you’re safe here now is forever seared into my soul.

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    unpopular opinion, but I really don’t like Kate (the character). All of her plots revolve around what other people (everyone, not only Betty) have to sacrifice to help her. She just doesn’t…do anything? Period. She just this passive wormhole that never really evolves.

  17. Thumb up 1

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    Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh why is this the end.

    This recap was exceptionally hilarious (especially in regards to Vera and Sheila being the biggest BAMFs to ever not give fucks) and was much needed after that painful ending.

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