Happy holidays, hotties! Every year we put together a massive team-wide wish list gift guide, and every year it just gets more massive! Hopefully this guide will help you find a great gift for that special weirdo in your life, or maybe yourself. You’re a special weirdo, right? Yes. Everything here is linked through our many affiliate accounts, so when you click and buy, we get a few pennies in the process! It’s our way of Robin Hooding the Big Corporations and we really appreciate your help!
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Ok jellybean, cozy up in your favorite Kigurumi and grab a mug of spiked apple cider and let’s dream big!
Lumie Bodyclock ELITE 300
As an equatorial transplant to London used to 32ºC all-year weather and plenty of sunlight, cold, dark mornings very quickly sap my will to live. I have 9am classes on Monday, y’all, and it looks only set to get worse as I go farther north for Masters. I used to have a Bodyclock STARTER 30 till it burnt in a fire that cost me everything I kept in summer storage – yes, I do lose my possessions in the most bizarre ways with some regularity – and its absence in my life needs to be rectified asap. (Honestly the lowest-end model worked just fine for me, I just chose the fanciest one for this because it’s a wishlist.)
On Being Included: Racism and Diversity in Institutional Life by Sara Ahmed
I wouldn’t say no to The Promise of Happiness or Queer Phenomenology: Orientations, Objects, Others either – basically anything by Sara Ahmed. I’ve written about her before and her work is super relevant to my personal, academic and future professional interests, so I should probably step it up from just reading snippets on the internet.
National Geographic World Map
I already have more maps than my walls can hold, but they’re so pretty! While I usually like cleaner, more minimalist styles of mapping, the Nat Geo map is a classic and it will look great in my future hypothetical commune’s living room. Super importantly, because this is a Winkel-Tripel projection, it more accurately shows how tiny the US and Europe actually are compared to Asia and Africa than more common Mercator ones.
Anne Taintor (“You Know Me… Busy, Busy!”) Luggage Tag
I travel so often I feel I should invest in something sturdier than the flimsy paper tags British Airways offers at the desk, which I scramble to fill in each time before the check-in person finishes making sense of my 6-word long name. And it might as well have a lady in a swimsuit on it, right, because why not?
Realistically I am probably something like three sizes too small for this – more Yoda-sized, perhaps? – but still I would like to keep warm in the three metres between my room and the bathroom and I would like to do it dressed as a brown furry Star Wars character. Please someone make this happen.
Goorin Bros. Fedora
I only step outside without a hat once, maybe twice a week. I discovered Goorin Bros. hats while in Austin, TX on a road trip and I am now a life long fan. Gotta catch em’ all.
Seasoned Cast Iron Dutch Oven
I am slightly obsessed with all camp-related materials regardless of the fact that I’ve never been camping. My sever arachnophobia aside, I think I would be an excellent camper. Just give me this dutch oven and a good tree stump to sit on. I’m golden. Bonus points because it looks like a cauldron.
Alpaca Cropped Poncho
If I don’t accumulate at least 10 new ponchos/shawls a year, then it wasn’t a good year. When I lived in Florida they were merely aesthetic, a way to foster my inner Stevie Nicks, if you will. Now that I live in New York they are totally functional and I like to layer them over cozy sweaters.
White Sage Smudge Stick
My apartment is creepy. And old. When the heater turns on it sounds like someone is bashing all my pots and pans. It constantly sounds like someone is tapping on my window. I think there is some serious bad juju in there. I’ve been wanting to sage the place for a while now. Juniper Ridge is one of my favorite soap makers and the white sage scent is the best! This smudge stick looks big enough to last me at least 6 months of spirit cleansing.
I have a problem where I read books at the library and love them and want to own them but don’t buy them because there are so many things I haven’t read yet that aren’t at the library. Which is why I’m coveting physical copies of Pierre Bayard’s How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read, Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem and Shannon Cain’s The Necessity of Certain Behaviors.
I don’t believe in favourites of things, but loose-leaf genmaicha of any brand is my number one tea right now and I have been going through grams and grams of it.
Novel Polka Dot Bag
My current suitcase is the carry-on bag from a matching set of 90s roller luggage and it’s both aesthetically unpleasing and unnecessarily heavy. This Novel Polka Dot Bag looks both pretty and probably does not weigh 84 pounds empty (and can fit under a plane seat), thus fulfilling my most important requirements.
1. Chalkboard Kit
I have a bunch of different jobs and activities and plans and other things that I like to be able to keep track of. Also, my brain and aesthetic sense never switched over to digital, so I haven’t really taken to the many wonderful organizational apps I keep hearing about. After months of trying to force myself to use Todoist and my Google Calendar, I’ve decided what I really need is an old-fashioned chalkboard, so that I can sort out my life AND practice my vertical handwriting! I haven’t yet decided whether I want to make one out of chalkboard paint and some scrap wood or something, or just buy one that already exists, or what. But regardless I’m going to grab one of these chalk-and-eraser kits, because they are charming.
2. Ice Cream Scoop
Gadgets Ice Cream Scoop from Calaphon
I really like making ice cream. I feed it to my five roommates, each of whom have seemingly been collecting kitchen supplies since the day they were born. But I’ve been bending spoons all over the place because we still don’t have an ice cream scoop! This one looks really classy and nice, and would probably make an excellent gift, especially when paired with a pint of your recipient’s favorite. Plus then you get to wrap something and put it in the freezer.
3. Galactic Bomber Jacket + Accessories
I really didn’t want to give in to Gabrielle and her universally popular space clothes trend but ugh I love jackets and just look at this and how well it would pair with my wardrobe staples, aka silver nail polish and a gold top hat. I will see you on the moon.
Welcome to Twin Peaks: An Access Guide to the Town
This is the penned-by-David-Lynch super intensive guide to Twin Peaks. The recipe for Norma’s cherry pie is in here, guys! I can’t think of a single reason why I wouldn’t want this book.
The Ultimate Lisa Frank Stickers Collector’s Set
Once I have this 2nd edition collector’s set of 1885 Lisa Frank stickers, I will be unstoppable. Nothing in the universe will stand as a threat ever again. Also, the first article I ever wrote for Autostraddle was all about my intense love for Lisa Frank, so why is anyone surprised that this is something I need?
Nicolas Cage Pillowcase
Waking up alone will never be hard again now that I have Nicolas Cage to bless my sleep with his benevolent smile.
Lucille Bluth iPhone Case
I don’t understand this iPhone case, and I won’t respond to it.
My list this year is again things that I want but probably won’t get because I’m technically an adult and no one really buys gifts for grown people unless you have started your own family that uses money you gave them to buy things for you. My interests are as stable as ever. Comedy, books, sports (with as much overlap as possible).
Fresh Take Bodysuit in Universe
As Lizz so wonderfully pointed out, bodysuits are a vastly underrated article of clothing. You can dress them up with skinny jeans and a blazer or dress for a fun time with a mini skirt and heels. Body Suits are great, outer space is great, together they are perfect. Plus, this one is available in sizes up to 4X!
Spectacle Edition Bottle Opener
While going up to a cute queer at a party and asking her if she can open your bottle might be a great way to break the ice, having your own bottle opener can also be helpful sometimes. And if you’re going to have a bottle opener, why not have a cute one? This bottle opener is a great way to show that not only do you make sharp sartorial choices, but you’re also ready to party.
Wardrobe Debate Dress
Seriously, look how adorable this dress is! I’m totally loving 3/4 sleeves right now, and the bright blue will definitely make you feel better in the gloomy winter weather. And again, it’s available in plus sizes.
Batwoman Vol. 3: World’s Finest by J.H.Williams III
In this volume, our favorite lesbian superhero Batwoman teams up with our other favorite (lesbian-in-our-dreams) superhero, Wonder Woman. And now that J.H. Williams III has left book, you’ll want even more to remember the good times.
Betty Rubble: The Initiation by Mykki Blanco
Mykki Blanco is my queen right now. Now, we all have mad love for Angel Haze, but Mykki is my personal favorite queer rapper. Her beats are so spooky and stomping and she has a flow like no one else in the game. If you’re not convinced, in her song The Initiation, she raps the entire thing in Latin.