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Apple Tablet to Debut Next Wednesday?! Here’s Our (Weirdo) Sneak Peek!

taylor

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Finally, we can almost kind of definitively maybe for sure say that without a doubt we are probably certainly going to see an Apple tablet really soon. As soon as next Wednesday, Jan. 27th 2010 at 10am PST, if Apple's mysterious invitation to some lucky journos isn't an elaborate soul-crushing hoax!

"Apple sent e-mail invitations to journalists Monday morning for a “special event” to be held next Wednesday in San Francisco. “Come see our latest creation,” the message says." - nytimes.com

apple event invitation image courtesy of gizmodo

Guys, Wednesday is so soon! And Apple's technicolor paint-splatter explosion image just makes me that much more excited. More exciting still, it looks like the mythical Mac tablet likely won't be the only Apple announcement. Mr. Jobs and co. might also whip out the iPhone 4G to compete with Google's Nexus One with features like an updated camera (with flash, prob), multi-app support and a higher resolution screen, if I had to guess.

"I spoke to a source at Apple this morning, before the invite hit my inbox, who said the event would likely focus on three projects: The tablet device, iPhone 4, and a new round of iLife 2010 software. While we won't see new iPhone hardware just yet, we will see the next-generation software." - foxnews.com

But how can we make it until Jan 27th, you might ask? How can we survive a week of sustained exhilaration? Well, here's one way, Autostraddle style.

Yes, that means we decided to let you in on what we know about Steve Jobs' technological second coming. Which is to say that we know absolutely nothing whatsoever. Yeah, there's been lots of tablet concept art. But was it this gay? And did it make this little sense? Doubtful.

So, here it is! Our completely top-secret glimpse into the mystery of Apple tablet, the iSlate, the iPhone grande, the flat-Macbook-thinger-of-my-dreams! We hope our exclusive concept art, which is exclusive in that it is exclusively really, really weird, makes the wait 'til 10am PST next Wednesday the teensy-tiniest bit more bearable. Enjoy!

Autostraddle Apple Tablet Concept Gallery:

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35 responses to “Apple Tablet to Debut Next Wednesday?! Here’s Our (Weirdo) Sneak Peek!”

  1. renaissance.woman

    hahaha it’s for things like this that i LOVE autostraddle

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  2. JentheJew

    If the tablet really did all the things that Riese’s tablet did, I would consider finally buying an Apple product.

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  3. Daphne

    I would buy an app on my Apple Robo Tabled that programs it to destroy Taylors tablet if it ever would run a Martha app. (I like the cooky baking feature though, and I love you Taylor. Want a kitten?)

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    1. taylor

      kitten, pls.

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      1. Daphne

        why? It already comes with yout tablet. OK OK OK, you can have my Tablet kitten.

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        1. taylor

          I need like, a lot of kittens.

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          1. Morgan

            i would also like kittens.

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      2. Daphne

        I think this model of kitten will come with the Tablet.How many did you say you want again? http://twitpic.com/yukoj

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  4. Bren

    I would like to point out that there is a pink taco in that last one. A PINK TACO!

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    1. taylor

      you are so right, and becky offered a text explanation of the taco. i will find it for you!

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      1. taylor

        note: i searched my inbox for “becky” + “taco”

        “It has a top hat and a 3D monocle connected via USBs, one of these USBs glows in the dark. It comes with a mandatory gay sex background that you cannot change though it may update itself in accordance with the seasons. The wheelies are for instant skateboard mode. The pink taco in the corner converts it into a Kindle. The music notes represent the ring-tone. You know, for when people call your laptop.”
        (Becky)

        yess

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        1. riese

          i think we need to add that to the body copy or the tablet visible portion of this piece

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        2. Bren

          Genius!

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  5. RachelwasHere

    The day I discovered that biscuits didn’t have to come out of a Pillsbury tube changed my life (and the day I discovered how wrong “biscuits and gravy” sounds to my English friends has provided endless amusement).
    But as nice as a family recipe sounds, I’m pretty sure a Macbook offering me gravy and wagging its tail would scare me into leaving civilization. I loved the disclaimer.

    These were too funny. I love this site SO MUCH.

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    1. taylor

      dude, anything offering me gravy is fine by me. though i can definitely appreciate the concern.

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  6. Emily

    I PIMPED YOUR TABLET

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  7. Daphne

    I really think the new Apple Tablet will just be an iphone with robot limbs and features. How awesome would that be?! “Wait a second, my robot is ringing.” or “Does that game also comes out for my robot?” or “I think my robot just ate Wikipedia.”

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    1. Morgan

      the app possibilities for your robot limb tablet are ENDLESS.

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  8. Sarah

    Hahaha, Taylor. I really do think that image reveals a lot about your psyche. Not that I wouldn’t love a device that made me biscuits and had a gravy boat. Mine would have a puppy though. Too bad I was feeling lame and uncreative that week and didn’t have my own submission! :(

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  9. Morgan

    i hope that in the future, apple steals all of these ideas. especially the tablet kitten one.

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    1. JentheJew

      I want the tablet bartender/chef.

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  10. Brooke Levin

    I gotta give Robin full credit for the stone tablet design. My version was made on Apple’s version of Microsoft Paint.

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  11. annaRgoods

    I think touch products are annoying. I feel like screens aren’t supposed to be touched. they used to tell you in elementary school to never touch the computer screen, or “don’t tap on the glass”, and now people can’t get enough of it. I absolutely love typing. Why would i ever want to give that up?

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    1. taylor

      the noise of typewriters (even like 80s typewriters) is def one of my all time fave most soothing noises evar. weird. also, i clearly partially grew up in a newsroom in the early 90s (secret bonus fact)

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      1. JentheJew

        My dad still uses a typewriter. Refuses to get a computer. I only wish I was kidding. He’s sort of delightfully but stubbornly old fashioned.

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        1. Elizabeth (aka Elli)

          I own two typewriters but sadly haven’t used one in a couple years.

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          1. JentheJew

            He also refuses to own a cell phone, ipod, and would probably live in a cave and wear squirrel pelts if you let him. Trust me, moving on from the typewriter is a good thing.

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  12. riese

    aw emily choo is in my room!

    i just broke my own rule about comments like that.

    look the bling tablet is win. honestly i don’t think i am going to want any of those things unless they have a pen.

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    1. Sam

      apple will never make a product with a stylus.

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      1. annaRgoods

        yea why the heck not? i like apple products but they aren’t the easiest to work with for people with big fingers. it took me nearly an hour to finally click on something using my friends ipod touch. I was extremely frustrated. and you know i’m sure most of the ladies on this website have the same problem…

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        1. Sam

          first let me say that i have big fingers too and I love my iphone although it did take some getting used too. I mostly use my thumbs to type. Why there wont be a stylus there are a few reasons. 1) if you have a stylus you have to put it somewhere in the device so you don’t loose it which kinda goes against the apple design aesthetic up to this point. 2) you will loose the stylus 3) multitouch is getting better, easier to use.

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          1. taylor

            never say never!

            http://bit.ly/526SpF

            apple has a new stylus patent! apple loves patenting the shit out of everything!

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  13. a;ex

    guys Lex’s tablet fully has a pimp chain on it. like, BLING.
    Like, THERE’S XZIBIT YOU GUYS.

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  14. DemiArianna

    PFFFTTTT
    I’m gonna need these pics in a calendar, kthnx.

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  15. RachelwasHere

    OH WOW. They seriously called it the iPad. Clearly none of the higher ups at Apple has a menstrual cycle.

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