I’m finally over my breakup and I think I’m going to be okay.
1. Eating garlic whenever I want.
2. Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
3. Reading in bed with the overhead lights and music on after midnight.
4. Making whatever plans I want for the future.
5. Celebrating the holidays with my family.
6. Always waking up in my own room in my own bed with clean clothes nearby.
7. Never having to send a “just checking in” text.
8. Showering alone.
9. Showering in under seven minutes.
10. Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.
11. Not feeling guilty for getting behind on a TV show.
12. No one has to know I eat a bagel for literally every meal.
13. I can dress/cut my hair however I want without worrying about twincest.
14. Wearing my comfy period underwear not during my period.
15. Getting to use the “15 Items or Less” checkout line while grocery shopping.
16. Drinking the whole pot of coffee myself.
17. At least when I have to throw out gross leftovers that have inevitably been forgotten, they’re mine and I can think fondly about when I ate them in the first place
18. The only bladder I have to wake up for is my own
19. I can talk to cats and dogs in a baby voice without judgment
20. Shamelessly being in the spotlight and taking fashion shots alone whenever I’m dressed up
21. Being able to say things like, “Maybe I’ll never have kids” without it being a discussion.
22. Being able to quietly be in a bad mood without it being a discussion.
23. Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.
24. Farting in bed at night.
25. Farting in bed in the morning.