25 Reasons I’m Finally Starting to Enjoy Being Single (Besides Sleeping Around)

Feature image via Kulfoto.com

I’m finally over my breakup and I think I’m going to be okay.

IS BATHING ON HER OWN SCHEDULE

1. Eating garlic whenever I want.
2. Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
3. Reading in bed with the overhead lights and music on after midnight.
4. Making whatever plans I want for the future.
5. Celebrating the holidays with my family.
6. Always waking up in my own room in my own bed with clean clothes nearby.
7. Never having to send a “just checking in” text.
8. Showering alone.
9. Showering in under seven minutes.
10. Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.
11. Not feeling guilty for getting behind on a TV show.
12. No one has to know I eat a bagel for literally every meal.
13. I can dress/cut my hair however I want without worrying about twincest.
14. Wearing my comfy period underwear not during my period.
15. Getting to use the “15 Items or Less” checkout line while grocery shopping.
16. Drinking the whole pot of coffee myself.
17. At least when I have to throw out gross leftovers that have inevitably been forgotten, they’re mine and I can think fondly about when I ate them in the first place
18. The only bladder I have to wake up for is my own
19. I can talk to cats and dogs in a baby voice without judgment
20. Shamelessly being in the spotlight and taking fashion shots alone whenever I’m dressed up
21. Being able to say things like, “Maybe I’ll never have kids” without it being a discussion.
22. Being able to quietly be in a bad mood without it being a discussion.
23. Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.
24. Farting in bed at night.
25. Farting in bed in the morning.

Profile photo of Lizz

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 274 articles for us.

86 Comments

  1. Thumb up 29

    Please log in to vote

    23. Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.

    … is such a big one. like everytime I’m newly single I’m like “ahhh how will I cope by myself” but then after a while I’m all “hell yeah I totally knew I was a badass independent woman who can look after her own life and be totally cool about everything”

    its empowering!

    • Thumb up 7

      Please log in to vote

      Yeah, my first break-up really sucked for the main reason that I’d been awkward and insecure and knowing someone else found me attractive was a huge self-esteem boost. Which is alright, only so long as you realize that in the event of a break-up, you can’t let that self-esteem coming crash down around you. (especially if it actually turns out to be an incompatible-orientation situation and the person doesn’t actually find you attractive in the way you thought, as turned out to be the case for me)

      • Thumb up 1

        Please log in to vote

        wow so basically you just told my life story

        and by “my life story” I mean what’s been going on with me recently, especially that stuff about self-esteem

        how’d you deal with it? I mean, my first break up was months ago and I’m still not feeling any better :/

        • Thumb up 1

          Please log in to vote

          I’m finally letting go after a year (and two rebounds, suffice to say). It takes a lot of hard work and tears and anger and probably numerous watchings of mushy romance movies and or disney, followed by inordinate amounts of questions and finding their stuff in your things.
          But then one day you just pack all of it up in a box and then move on, even if you’re not ready, because you are the most important person in your life- you do you, as we like to say here.

  2. Thumb up 9

    Please log in to vote

    Some things you mentioned such as #5,7,8,10,11,14 and 20 shows you were kind of in an oppressive relationship. A normal relationship shouldn’t be like that. A lot of lesbians don’t know how to give their girlfriends some space. Being in each other’s face all the time is no good, it is the fastest path to boredom.

  3. Thumb up 29

    Please log in to vote

    As a hopeless and complete introvert, getting my personal time back makes me wish we’d broken up sooner. Very hard to be in a relationship with a 24/7 people person, especially when every ‘I need some time on my own’ is understood as being something /way/ different to just ‘I need three hours without talking to anyone’, and every lull in conversation means to her ‘I’m mad, sad, bored or some strange mix of all three’.

    Also, finally getting to watch the movies we went to without having to miss major plot points to make out with her. Sure, it’s fun, but can we save it for when Scarlett Johansson isn’t on screen kicking ass?

    …actually, looking at it this way I can see why she broke up with me.

    • Thumb up 5

      Please log in to vote

      Yay introverts! I completely agree; I’m the only introvert in my family, so I have lots of experience with crazy hardcore extroverts and can’t ever imagine dating one.

      And this: “every lull in conversation means to her ‘I’m mad, sad, bored or some strange mix of all three’.” I can’t stand behavior like this, but I often find with someone who is THAT extroverted, it’s good to address this directly – even if they’re just a friend or acquaintance or coworker. Extroverts are used to having society revolve around them (at least in an extroverted society like the U.S.), they don’t realize that there are some people who actually need and enjoy time to themselves. Pointing out that you do, that it’s not because you don’t like them or don’t like people but just need time alone to “recharge,” can be helpful and I’ve found people usually react well to it.

      • Thumb up 6

        Please log in to vote

        Yes! I’m a massive extrovert, but for some reason most of my good friends are introverts. I don’t mind, but I need things to be explained to me…like when people say they need some quiet time, I want to know if it’s a three week camping trip to the nullabor, or half an hour in a different room. It’s super stressful when you are trying to be a good friend, but have no idea how. Communication is a wonderful thing.

      • Thumb up 5

        Please log in to vote

        I’m an intense extrovert but somehow I’ve ended up only dating introverts in my life so far – it does create some disorienting moments on occasion, but dang it is good for developing communication skills and learning to not assume that I automatically understand other people’s needs. I agree 100% with Rose on addressing it directly – I don’t always know how to support the introverts in my life, but I’m always happy to learn.

  4. Thumb up 5

    Please log in to vote

    Yes! Seeing as it’s the first time I’ve been single in three years, it’s both tough and wonderful. I really love eating the equivalent of a head of garlic a day so #1 resonates with me.
    Being able to sleep in whatever position I want is amazing, it was a little lonely at first but then once I started sleeping so much more comfortably it was mad worth it.(To be fair I live in New York and only have a twin bed in my tiny ass room so that’s probably why it’s a big deal to me haha)

  5. Thumb up 21

    Please log in to vote

    I hope my theoretical future partner is okay with the fact that I will continue to eat onions, and garlic, and beans. Beans are cheap and good for you. I don’t care if I’m a little gassy. Hopefully it’ll just warm the bed up anyway, am I right?

    ALSO SERIOUSLY the idea of always showering in tandem makes me cringe. Yes sometimes it’s cute and/or sexy but honestly I enjoy the alone time.

    • Thumb up 4

      Please log in to vote

      Yeah, if anything I would say avoiding garlic is more when you’re first dating someone. I can’t imagine being in a long-term, serious relationship with someone who doesn’t like me consuming the many oniony, garlicky foods I like, or foods like beans and soda that are delicious but make you gassy.

      Showering together sounds like more of an occasional sexy thing, but yeah, I could never make a habit of it.

    • Thumb up 3

      Please log in to vote

      Marika, I wouldn’t judge your choice of onions, garlic, and beans. Those three things are yuuum…especially together! Then again, I might be a bit biased because they’re pretty much a staple in all Filipino cooking (or at least they are in my family). Also some of my best thinking and problem solving happens when I’m in the shower. If tandem showering is happening, that doesn’t happen. And I need for it to happen.

      So I guess what I’m trying to say is, ‘Dear theoretical future partner, please see the above list. In particular, pay attention to #(s) 1, 2, 8, 10. I like the middle of the bed and #10 is very also important. Just sayin’… Love me xx’

    • Thumb up 3

      Please log in to vote

      I HATE SHOWERING IN TEAMS. I like to wash and NOT touch walls/shower curtains. I’m nowhere near germaphobic but something about shower surfaces make me cringe inside and out. Also waiting at the other end of the shower, freezing my ass while watching you enjoy the hot water just… no. doesn’t do it for me sorry.

      • Thumb up 0

        Please log in to vote

        THANK YOU. I can’t abide touching shower surfaces, walls, curtains. Especially being a student, this house isn’t mine, I share this shower with 4 others, it is certainly not clean enough and I’m going to shower with flip flops on whether you laugh at me or not. Something my ex didn’t grasp well. I think we showered 3 times together in the year we were together, I did not cope. Also stressing was her weird shower routine or lack thereof. Bad memories, I like my alone time so much and especially in the shower.

        Great article anyway, so many truths.

  6. Thumb up 1

    Please log in to vote

    I also don’t like showering together, it’s too narrow in the cabin!!! But I could do 10 besides her, anyways… not enough space.

    also #19: I can add talking to yourself aloud without shaming yourself for it.

  7. Thumb up 7

    Please log in to vote

    Now either Americans are slimmer than Brits, or have bigger showers or I am doing this relationship thing wrong.

    Like *always* showering in tandem?

    Nope. Those 15-20 minutes of steamy goodness first thing belong to me, and noone gets to share it with me, except whatever radio comedy I am streaming down iplayer that morning.

  8. Thumb up 5

    Please log in to vote

    We need to realize that the right partner will and should allow us to be ourselves without judgement. We have to learn that we can’t go into a relationship thinking that we can change people and vice versus. The only ones that can truly make a change is ourselves.

    Like I always tell people, ‘you do you’ and we’ll be cool.

  9. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    As a perpetually single person, I take a lot of this stuff for granted. Although I do already stress out about how awful it’s going to be to sleep in the same bed with another person, as I have Restless Leg Syndrome, a condition that sounds completely made up but is actually totally, pathetically real. I mean, my dog doesn’t seem to mind, but an entire other person might.

  10. Thumb up 1

    Please log in to vote

    I WAS going to add that one of the best parts about being single (and roommateless) is being able to walk around naked all the time. But then I remembered that I did that when I had a girlfriend too. So, moral of the story….you do you I guess?

  11. Thumb up 7

    Please log in to vote

    Hey, commenters, don’t be judgy about Lizz’s past relationship! Lizz, I have no idea what the context of your breakup was, nor what the relationship was like. Thanks for sharing what you’re getting joy from post-relationship. You’re right, you WILL be ok!!

  12. Thumb up 1

    Please log in to vote

    what do we do if we are bored? bored with routines in life…bored of fighting after someone…bored of being single and on the lookout….bored of complexity…bored of simplicity. what next?

  13. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    Here’s my version:

    1. The ability to be the only one horrified by my increasingly resonant and long farts.
    2. Wearing the bright-ass red lipstick that I like, instead of the subtler pink lipstain that she liked.
    3. Busting out the low cut shirts and shorty shorts, because she told me that I looked cheap in them (and was sweet about it, and bought me stuff that she thought I looked nice in, but still).
    4. Not worrying about finding a job in Portland, which is way stuffed with people with my qualifications for the field I’m interested in.

    Uhhh, that’s it. Got dumped pretty recently and its still an open wound.

  14. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    My lovey-partner and I just went over the list together and figured out we can only not do 5 of things listed: 3, 15, 17, 18, and 21.

    WE FART IN BED ALL THE TIME. Thats not even only after moving in together. We were trading farts for burps around two weeks in. I’m fortunate for having a magical relationship.

    If someone has a list this long of things they can’t do, maybe the person they are with isn’t making the “healthy non-oppressive lifer/longtermer/’the one twinkle eye drops’ awesome” cut.

  15. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    “10. Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.”

    LOL… WHAT?? What kind of relationship was this where you couldn’t wash your ass? I don’t get it, would love to understand!! :D

  16. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    I’ve been single for almost 2 years (the longest I’ve been single in my life) and just recently have I been able to appreciate a list like this. I didn’t think it was possible, but I do actually enjoy being on my own, most of the time. The whole getting-your-self-esteem-together thing really resonates with me. :-)

    Although, if I’m being totally honest, I think the ideal situation is being in a good relationship while getting to do nearly everything you want to do. ;-) Ah, a girl can dream, right?

  17. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    I love this article. #23 reminded of something a friend said to me, she was saying how she *can* cope with being alone, but feels like life is *meant* to be shared. Now, I’m not entirely sure how to react because it seems like she’s always relied on other people for comfort, like she’s always been insecure (I’m not crushing, I swear!) anyway, I think #23 is totally important, just wondering what people think about those folks who are all like “Being single is OK, just not for me!” because it always feels like a back-handed comment saying that being single is second-rate.

  18. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    tbh #8 (Showering alone) is something that I realized I like regardless. Showering with other people is gross and sex in the shower is just nasty

    #10 Is the main reason why I think showering together is something you just do for fun. If I really need to get clean you gotta get out.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.