2011 MTV Movie Awards Celebrate Twilight, Pseudo-Gayness and Also, Twilight

Sure, The MTV Movie Awards have never been known for bestowing great rewards upon spectacular works of cinematic genius. But with the advent of the Twilight franchise, it’s sort of become a really really long commercial for Twilight. There’s a limited number of Twilight movies, right? Like eventually this insanity will end?

“Seriously, Twilight won for best fight over Harry Potter? No. The results are so ridiculous, I don’t even know how to address them. They’re just… incorrect.”

- my intern

We wondered out loud if maybe we’re just too old for MTV now, but I think my 16-year-old self would have had a lot of snobby avant garde artist opinions about the exclusion of Blue Valentine and Robert Pattinson beating Jesse Eisenberg and Harry Potter for the Best Male Performance Crown.

Twilight: Eclipse won five awards, which is ridiculous because it was a terrible movie and there are only 12 awards total. Black Swan lost everything, which is probably because it’s rated R and none of the voters were old enough to get in the theater and it was either fantastic or awful. Harry Potter did not win enough things. The whole ceremony, actually, was not as gay as it was last year.

Here’s who won:

Best Jaw-Dropping Moment: Justin Bieber, Never Say Never

Best Jaw-Dropping Moment Nominees:
- Justin Bieber – Never Say Never (From the MTV website: “Who knew getting a Bieber lap dance would only cost as much as a movie ticket?”)
- James Franco – 127 Hours
- Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page – Inception
- Natalie Portman Black Swan
- Steve-O – Jackass 3D

Have you ever noticed that Justin Bieber, who one “Best Jaw-Dropping Moment” for appearing on a screen in front of a bunch of 12-year-old girls with crushes on him,  looks like a lesbian?

 

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Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart, Twilight

Best Female Performance Nominees:

- Kristen StewartEclipse
- Emma Stone – Easy A
- Emma Watson – Harry Potter
- Jennifer Aniston – Just Go With It
- Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Have you ever noticed that Kristen Stewart sometimes looks like a lesbian?

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Best Kiss: Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, Twilight

Best Kiss Nominees
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson – Eclipse
- Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt – Inception
- Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe – Harry Potter (“I can’t believe this one. It’s like they didn’t watch the movie. It’s not really a relevant plot point. Ugh. Dumb.”)
- Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner – Eclipse
- Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis – Black Swan

This year Robby & Kristy updated their traditional “should we kiss on stage, it’s so awkward” bit — but with a twist involving Rob Pattinson leaving our lovely tomboy all alone up there in her red mini-dress as he leapt over audience members to plant a giant kiss on Taylor Lautner. I believe this was the highlight of the evening.

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Generation Award: Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon told the audience that Robert Pattinson “underestimated her lesbianness.” We’re guessing this is actually a perpetual issue for Robert and the women he’s possibly attracted to. From the self-congratulatory MTV Movie Awards Website:

The actor [Robert Pattinson] went on to suggest that Witherspoon had trouble speaking while in a girdle, has a penchant for tequila and that she may or may not be “33 percent lesbian,” as an embarrassed Witherspoon hid her face and laughed from her seat. Pattinson concluded his remarks by saying, “It’s not always a bad thing to have sexual chemistry with your mother,” once again referencing his unseen part in “Vanity Fair.”

Reese Witherspoon’s response:

“It was good — except for Rob Pattinson. I mean, really: He called me 33 percent lesbian, which was a gross underestimation of my lesbian-ness.”

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Best Movie: Twilight

Best Movie Nominees
- Twilight: Eclipse
- Black Swan
- Harry Potter
- Inception
- Social Network

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Best Comedic Performance: Emma Stone, Easy A

I take it back about the gay kiss — the fact that a female won for Best Comedic Performance is the highlight of the evening, although she used her acceptance speech to mention: 1) everyone else in the category is funnier than her, 2) thank you fans, this is so nice.

Best Movie Nominees:

- Emma Stone – Easy A
- Adam Sandler – Just Go With It
- Ashton Kutcher – No Strings Attached
- Russell Brand – Get Him to the Greek
- Zach Galifianakis - Due Date

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Best Villan, Tom Felton – Harry Potter

Best Villan Nominees:

- Tom Felton – Harry Potter
- Christoph Waltz – The Green Hornet
- Leighton Meester – The Roommate
- Mickey Rourke – Iron Man 2
- Ned Beatty - Toy Story 3

Other winners include Ellen Page in Inception for “Best Scared-As-Shit Performance,” Chloë Grace Moretz in Kick-Ass for “Best Breakout Star,” and Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel in Eclipse for Best Fight.

Did you watch? Do you care? Was Twilight like the best movie of all time in the history of the whole world? Are the cast of Twilight the only people who still actually show up?

Avatar of Riese

Riese is the 32-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1729 articles for us.

40 Comments

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    I maintain that that Pattinson-Lautner kiss was a stage-move cop-out; the angle’s just not right. Which – if the 1993 Will Smith movie Six Degrees of Separation has taught us anything – means they are both gay.

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    Basically whoever wins these awards is determined by a poll on mtv’s website and Twilight has the fan power to vote multiple times in a day for their franchise. I don’t think there’s a limit on how many times you can vote, either.

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      Yeah, which is why these awards should be less “Best Movie” and more “Movie with the Biggest Fanbase that Cares the Most About Something as Stupid as the MTV Movie Awards.” Not as pithy, but technically more accurate.

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    easy a + mean girls= my new religion

    no lie i have no idea why easy a isn’t noted as one of the most amazing movies ever.

    plus also i’m in love with emma stone. and amanda bynes. and i think that chicks name was ali? the lion mane girl with big boobs as her identifier. she’s hot. or we could just go with easy a is hot. enough rambling

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    Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Beiber is a great website… for now. Once that kid passes puberty? I’ll pass on the lesbians who look like THAT Beiber. Personal preference. But for now, I can’t deny he looks like a very cute butchy lesbian, especially with that new haircut. You go, girl.

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    Just as well the Twilight folks can act a bit, since they have to fake – year after year – NOT being horribly embarrassed every time they win these awards, since they know their fanatical twihards vote en masse like cyborgs. But I’m sure the likes of Kristen Stewart know that “BEST” anything isn’t Twilight’s forte.

    I’m so waiting for this crap to be over and Kristen can get her teeth (no pun intended)into interesting roles.

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    How many more Twilight movies are left? Because every time one’s released, I barricade myself in my house and try not to turn on the TV or visit movie sites that tend to have the poster plastered as their background. Ugh.

    I have to keep reminding myself that this is MTV and that the tweens (and few pathetic grown women who drool over Lautner) flood the ballot boxes for the drivel that was first passed off as a “literary” work and now passed off as visual “art.”

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    i found it confusing that kstew seemed to be upset by her awkwardness. it just made things more awkward. like everyone knew she was going to be, and then she was, and then she was upset and awkward about it. especially when she won best female performance and was all like “haha natalie i got the popcorn hahah” and then was all like oops that was mad awkward bye.

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