100 Things That Are Orange, Ranked

This morning we had this fantastic idea to rank every orange thing. We knew it’d keep our minds sharp while I avoided thinking about my life and we all went nuts with anticipation regarding the impending release of Orange is the New Black Season Two. Now it’s dark outside! Where does the time go?

Here are 100 Orange Things, ranked very loosely and often arbitrarily but usually very deliberately. We eagerly await your feedback in the comments.


100 Things That Are Orange, Ranked

 

annoying-orange

100. Annoying Orange

“It’s the worst youtube thing to ever become an actual TV thing.”

- Laneia, Executive Editor


 

garf

99. Garfield from the movies

“Garfield in the movies is the worst.”

- Forever Intern Grace


flames-of-hell

98. Burning Fires Of Hell

This is where gay people go when they die. Sorry IT’S TRUE.


 

97. Road Work Ahead Sign

This is your warning that in about three minutes, you’re gonna be miserable for the next three hours.


t1larg.terror.alerts.gi

96. Terror Alert Level Orange

Seems serious.


CarrotTop-1

95. Carrot Top

*Shrugs*


 

super-plus-tampax

94. Super Plus Tampax Tampons

Sometimes it felt like you are ramming an entire roll of paper towels up there and the cardboard was so slippery and the packaging was so bulky and thank g-d for ob.


tinypicdotcom

93. Bad Spray Tan Situations

This keeps coming up so I’m going with it.


 

mario

92. Mario Batali’s crocs

Rachel says it’s his “thing.”


orange-gchat

91. Orange Idle Notification in G-Chat

Red and green have definitions, orange could mean anything!


 

florida postcard

90. Florida In General

“Florida is a swamp, because of this it has quite a fertile landscape for the growth of oranges. People are really proud of Florida oranges and think they make Florida a special place. I used to have one in my backyard, but then it died after my mom died. This could have been a metaphorical thing, or it could have been because then nobody took care of the orange tree anymore. The license plate in Florida also prominently features an orange.”

- Chelsey, Editorial Assistant


89. Buffalo Wings

I just can’t with these.


 

slices

88. Kosher For Passover Orange Slice Situations

If I wanted to eat something orange during passover, I’d eat one of those weird/DELICIOUS kosher marshmallows, you know?


 

CircusPeanuts

87. Circus Peanuts

What is this fresh hell.


Hooters 30 birthday

86. Hooters

Once upon a time I went to Hooters with my frat boy boyfriend on our way to the porn store and he told me I should work at Hooters and I said my boobs weren’t big enough and he said that I could always wear a padded push-up bra or else I could get implants if I wanted to. Like I didn’t have to, because I was already perfect obviously, but you know, if I wanted to. Reader: I didn’t want to.


coloring-hair-ends-with-pastels

this isn’t my hair, this is just a picture i found on the internet

 

85. My hair every time I try to dye it blonde myself

Me: “Janet, just tell me what you think, honestly.”
My Friend Janet: “Anyone who told you that your hair looks good is trying to sabotage your life. You look like — like — a shiny copper penny! But it’s not even like, even!”

- 2006


comic-strip-stripes-garfield-on-lazy-cat-the-with-122124

84. Garfield in the comic strips

tbh I think he’s a little played out.


 

much-melon

83. Cantaloupe

Sorry I know a lot of people claim to like this shit but it really annoys me when I get a fruit salad and it’s almost all melon.


82. Traffic Cones

YOU AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME, TRAFFIC CONES.


 

CheetosCrop

81. Cheetos

Cheetos are good because they are delicious, but they are also bad because they are filled with terrible chemicals that will eat your stomach lining from the inside and turn you into a goblin.


 

shutterstock_183310166

via shutterstock

80. Orange Soda

“I don’t like soda, any soda, so I don’t like orange soda, but the overpowering and dangerous media messaging of Kenan & Kel convinced me for years that I was depriving myself of something really life-changing. I’m over it now it’s fine.”

Rachel, Senior Editor


 

hazmat

79. Hazmat Suits

This is what they wore to dig the dead body out of my apartment, I believe. (Don’t worry, it was like six years ago.)


pennies

78. Pennies

Did you know that in Canada pennies are illegal?


 

vitamin-c77. Vitamin C

Remember that song “Graduation (Friends Forever)”? Did you know that Vitamin C has her own Tommy Hilfiger lipstick color inspired by her signature orange hair? Honestly I’ll never know how you answered either of those questions, but I will forever wonder.


 

SAFETY!

RIESE AND ALEX LOVE SAFETY!

76. Life Vests

Life vests are great because they rescue you from drowning and give you something to lean on if you are hanging out in your canoe. They are also bulky and uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as being dead at the bottom of the ocean.


 

img_1730

75. “the gigantic container of utz cheese balls that you can buy at costco”


 

doritos-1

74. Doritos

I wasn’t sure if Doritos would be considered good or bad, but Yvonne & Rachel both said they would be considered “good,” so this is where they ended up.


the-gates-art-project

73. The Gates At Central Park

lol remember when this happened


 

clockwork-orange

72. A Clockwork Orange

This book is really brilliant and amazing and also SUPER f*cked up and disturbing. I read it like three times when I was fourteen, that’s why I’m so weird now.



cheese-crackers-peanut-butter

71. Peanut Butter Crackers

Once upon a time, I ate these every day. It was a really special time for my overall health. #neverforget


Bert_and_Ernie

70. Ernie

The thing about Ernie is that he is a child so Bert and Ernie can’t actually be gay lovers. I wrote about this once, back before I got into serious journalism like this list.


sacral-chakra

69. The Sacral Chakra

Laneia copy/pasted this to me:

Location: The center of the abdomen

Color: Orange

Parts of the body: Reproductive system, sexual organs, lumbar plexus

Endocrine gland: Gonads

Sense: Sense of taste, appetite

Consciousness: This chakra is associated with the parts of the consciousness concerned with food and sex. It is about the body’s communication to the Being inside, about what the body wants and needs, and what it finds pleasurable. The person’s ability to have children is also associated with this chakra. If there is not a clear relationship with the element of water, associated with this chakra, the person’s relationship with water is a reflection of their relationship with the parts of their consciousness associated with this chakra, i.e. food, sex, or having children. This chakra is also associated with the emotional body, and the person’s willingness to feel their emotions.


1967_Shelby_Mustang_ad1

68. Orange & Black Muscle Cars

“Hey orange and black muscle cars are pure sex. You had sex right then just from thinking about them. OR MAYBE I JUST LIKE DYKES IN MUSCLE CARS AND BOLD COLOR CHOICES? Don’t worry about it. But seriously an orange 1967 Shelby Mustang is straight up sex, you guys.”

- Laneia, Executive Editor


The 52nd Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

67. Hayley Williams’ Hair

This person is in the band Paramore and her hair sure is orange!


goldfish

66. Goldfish, the fish


 

goldfish-crackers-baked-snack-cheddar-33-5-oz-2-1-lb-950-g

65. Goldfish, the cracker

 


nyave

64. The Orange Properties in Monopoly

“The Mediterranean Avenue and Baltic Avenue are the least-landed-upon properties, while the orange properties (St. James Place, NY Avenue, and Tennessee Ave.) are the most, due to their proximity to Jail, making them the most lucrative monopoly in the game. Acquiring the orange monopoly gives you a very high probability of winning.”

- Wikihow


davidsfox

63. David the Gnome’s Fox

I think Rachel has a weird definition of “orange” but I’m gonna roll with it anyhow.

“David the Gnome was a show about tiny gnome people united with adorable woodland creatures against large, scary trolls. One of David’s key allies was a helpful fox named Swift, who carried David about on his back like a little king of the forest. If I were ever going to be carried on the back of a woodland creature, it would definitely be this fox. ”

Rachel, Senior Editor


012611homedepot_RMTNFOTO

62. Home Depot

“Home depot, the great electric orange experiment in home-based self-determination, where the availability and helpfulness of the staff is inversely proportionate to the square footage of the store.”

-Marni, former Home Depot employee and A-Camp Co-Director


mac-and-cheese

61. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

Because sometimes you just have to be like, “f*ck it.”


peppers

60. Orange Bell Peppers

The dark horse of the bell pepper family.


 

IMG_5395

59. This Cat Kate Used To Live With

This is Orlando, who I lived with in Philadelphia. He is a special cat who may or may not also be a dinosaur of some sort, based on the noises and faces he liked to make.”

- Kate, Contributing Editor


 

Blogger-Logo58. Blogger

Without which none of us would be here today.


 

squash-soup

57. Butternut Squash Soup

There are actually SO many good orange soups out there that you should try, for example Carrot Ginger Soup and Pumpkin Soup! This is really just one of many, I want to be sure I get that message across.


 

creamsicle-image

56. Creamsicles

They’re so delicious!


 

shutterstock_145672691

55. Monarch Butterflies

They’re so pretty in the air and all over!


 

aphoto49721

54. The Golden Gate Bridge

I thought the Golden Gate Bridge was red, but apparently it is painted “International Orange.” You learn something new every dang day!


chicken_tikka_masala

53. Chicken Tikka Masala

I know it’s predictable but I think it’s predictable for a reason and that reason is; “it is good.”


 

meep-muppet-meep-up

52. Beeker the Muppet

Meep.


 

nemo

51. “Finding Nemo”

“I cried at Finding Nemo, and I’m only about 7% embarrassed to admit it, and my crying was only about 67% due to Ellen Degeneres’ portrayal of Dory. How much of my crying was due to Marlin’s being orange? That’s for me to know and you to find out by watching Finding Nemo again on your own and, let’s be honest, crying.”

- Rachel, Senior Editor


 

persimmon-tree-1

50. Persimmons

“Persimmons are a smallish fruit that you can cut into pieces and put in your mouth and you will be so happy you did!”

- Rachel, Senior Editor


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Avatar of Riese

Riese is the 32-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1744 articles for us.

47 Comments

      • Thumb up 3

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        I mean I sometimes just hold a bag of them in my hands and wonder. But i’m just as confident as you are in my blind assumption that they are the Actual Worst.

        (also while reading this I mentioned in a group gchat situation with my cabin that I have never seen Finding Nemo and I think I started an actual riot)

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          I saw the picture of circus peanuts and almost threw up a little because I remembered being a brave child and trying them. I always just called them Satan’s candy so I’m glad to know that they have a real name

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    i am here to protest persimmons on your list because they make my tongue feel gross and i think i am allergic to them and once i had to wear a persimmon bridesmaid dress and i hated it.

    also laneia let me direct you to this cover girl nail polish called “rogue red” which is actually glittery orange, like, are they stupid? it is definitely not red. it’s really good though. i bought it at rite aid, in a section marked ‘hunger games,’ so i dunno, it’s pretty fancy.

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    I just want to say I really love 70,52,24. I am, one could say obsessed, with all things Muppets and Jim Henson. I was so glad to see them on the list. As well as 30 and 15, cartoon tigers are also a thing I immensely love. <3

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    This is a fine piece of journalism, and I appreciate the diligence and research that goes into making such a thoroughly researched list, but… I must respectfully disagree with the placement of Cheez-it crackers so far above the perennial classic Goldfish crackers (is there even a cracker more perfect?).

    And also, I had forgotten about creamsicles. Thank you.

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    I am massively disturbed by the lack of barbecue chips on this list.

    The only time I have seen a hazmat suit in action (in a picture in the newspaper), it was green. Maybe that’s because it was a bomb squad? Special colors for special departments?

    I’m not sure about all this strange hazmat suit business, so I think the bbq chips should take their place.

  5. Thumb up 12

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    Ahhhh…I love this article. Please never stop making “vapid fluff” articles. I was having a rough day you know trying to beat the patriarchy and this is just fantastic.

    DON’T EVER STOP & DON’T PUT BABY IN THE CORNER.

  6. Thumb up 10

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    This post is actually kind of cute if you’re NOT from The Netherlands, where the national color is ORANGE and days such as Queens/Kingsday, sport events such as world/europian soccer championships, speed skating events are covered in this color. I can’t even walk into a grocery store without being vommited on by orange soccer memorabilia. My connotation with the color orange is bad bad bad, but I’m very happy for the show to be back.

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    In Addition to Mylou’s post though : Orange is also the color of the Dutch field hockey team and those girls are not only the best team in the world (reigning Olympic champion) but have also 4 or 5 out players on the team.

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    i have a theory that cantaloupe farmers have insane lobbyists who struck a deal requiring all fruit salads be at least 70% cantaloupe. that’s is the only explanation, right?

    #cantaloupeisnottheonlyfruit.

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    My friend just told me she wasn’t allowed to watch David the Gnome because apparently it had really backwards ideas about the role of women. Her parents were afraid it would have a bad influence. Seeing he’s on a list on autostraddle, the influence couldn’t have been all bad?

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      i LOVED david the gnome growing up, but while writing this list i realized i can’t remember anything specific about it other than the episode where they save a bunch of bunnies on a raft, so who knows, really.

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    I want you to know that my best friend and I totally read this list together while eating Kraft Mac and Cheese. Just fyi. That really enhances the experience.

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    This list is possibly my newest favorite thing ever. We were just learning about the sacral chakra in my yoga class today. Also the bit about 1967 orange Shelby Mustang was beautiful because my dad currently has a 1989 Shelby CSX which he’s thinking about selling and that’s the type of car he wants to buy. Also Claudia Donovan CAN WE JUST I definitely have had a crush on her when I was younger.

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    First of all, YES ANY MUSCLE CAR THAT HAS BOLD COLORS IS STRAIGHT UP SEX.

    I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES!! My moms has been reading and re-reading my compilation books for the last 4 years I think. I never see those books anymore. She says she’s still using them. O.O

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    After reading “creamsicles” my eyes glazed over into nostalgia mode, and I briefly longed for the creamsicle hair (bleached with a couple orange panels) I had when I was 19. Briefly. Every so very briefly.

    Also: candy corn. Circus peanuts made the list but not candy corn?? Clearly you didn’t consult a candy expert for this article, which really makes me question your journalism..

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